Stop Worrying About Your Home 

I have to be honest. My ADHD brain hates being in a messy environment. I struggle to keep my home clean but my brain is so much calmer when it's tidy.

I grew up in a very clean home. I love having a clean home. While I can remember my room being messy, that was where it ended. Toys were NEVER left out. The biggest “mess” I could remember is the Sunday paper being on the coffee table. It wasn’t stressful. My mom didn’t spend all her time cleaning. She had hobbies. Their home is still this way and they aren’t minimalists. Having been an observer of their home for nearly 40 years I can safely say the BIGGEST difference is that my dad is a tidy person too. She never has to pick up after him. EVER. He never picks up after her. If he sees something in the house that needs done he does it. My mom has been a SAHM their entire marriage. He does not treat her like a maid. As a kid both my parents trained us to pick up after ourselves. Nothing was ever overlooked because the house wasn’t overwhelming. If we left something out of place it was very obvious. For many years I thought there was something wrong with me. Then I realized I am the only person taking initiative. Also, habits are huge. My dad always said he puts things away immediately because he is lazy and wants to work less. He isn’t lazy, but I understood the idea.

I made a new friend last year when a woman wrote in the local "give away for free" group that she wants to meet other moms with babies of the same age to have walks together. I was the only one who responded😅 and it turns out we have a lot of shared interests. I love talking to her.

I used to think I couldn't have anyone over (CHAOS) until a friend from church invited my family over... and their house wasn't perfect. I was SO thankful that she showed me that it's ok to have a messy house, but still be hospitable. 🥰

My grandma would always say, "I came to see you, not your house." And, "if you have small children and a perfectly clean home, then your priorities are off."

So true, and remember, if friends want to see you, come any time. If they want to see your home, make an appointment !😁♥️

I really, really needed this. I invited my neighbors over without extra cleaning like usual. My neighbor said "I love your home, it actually looks lived in. Makes me feel more normal with my messy house.". I was at first wondering if it was a dig, but I think we both just connected more because I showed a bit of our real home

I've noticed that it takes about 2 years of weekly contact with someone at church to solidify a friendship. In a group where you meet only once a month it takes concerted involvement outside the group...lunch afterwards, a walk, chatting by the car, "field trips" or getting involved at the group leadership level. Those who just sit and don't participate don't make friends. Ask people, not what they "do," but how they enjoy spending their free time. We are doing a major cleaning right now and changing around the bedrooms. A former neighbor dropped by in the midst of the chaos, with mattresses and tons of boxes overflowing the front room but I invited her in and we had a wonderful 2 hour conversation and I know we will see each other again soon. She is a childless widow with a sparkling clean house, but she said she loves my house because it's "homey" despite the mess she usually encounters when she drops by! And I'm so glad I've always let her in despite whatever messy projects we are in the midst of. ❤

I was a SAHM and homeschooled. When my daughter started driving and didn’t need me as much, I became isolated and my anxiety went through the roof. My issue is not about a clean house, I’m an introvert and it’s hard to put myself out there. A couple of years ago, I got a part time job, and that gives me some connection. It helps a lot to find community somewhere and make friends that way.

Dana K. White brought up the idea in one of her podcasts that we all just need a place to "be". I remember feeling the most welcome in a home that was messy, but they invited me in, got comfortable themselves, and focused on connecting with me, not making apologies or excuses for the state of their home. Since then, I have tried to relax my "company" standards more, and I've had friends tell me later that it helped them to relax and feel like they could invite people over too, even though their house house wasn't perfect.

I have a tip for all parents, as a parent myself. Kids DON'T need a lot of clothes. They don't need a lot of toys out at once. Just having a limited amount of things limits how much they can mess up the house. Also: teach them good habits. Someone once said that you don't want to raise your kids in such a way that you end up disliking them. No eating on the sofa. Change into clean clothes after they've been outside (our ONE YEAR OLD even knew how to do that). Done with a toy? Put it away before taking a new one. Etc

I talked to people in the grocery store about what they're making with their produce, compliment their kids, or offer easy recipes to the employees in the store. It brings a smile to their faces.

I have a good friend who has said to me multiple times, "If you 'clean up' for me, you'll hurt my feelings." Thank God for her, honestly.

For the hour that you clean before a guest arrives: Take out the trash, quickly scrub the toilet, clean out the cat box if you have one... Basically focus on getting rid of any offensive odors in your home. Also like you said, make sure your guest has somewhere clean to sit. Leave the "mess" and focus on the filth 😂

One of my favorite videos of yours ever. This is much needed as a reminder, thank you. About a year ago I started not completely cleaning my house up before my friends came over. As moms, we need to see other's messy kid-filled homes.

I am old so life is different, but when my kids were in sports, parents would talk. Now when I attend my grandkid’s events, other parents are on their phones, so it’s harder to connect

Oof needed to hear this. My social life has suffered directly because I can't bring myself to invite people over to my messy house. Thank you for your inspiring words, they really hit home today. One thing that stood out to me is when you talked about being okay with rejection. When i was dating i had to become ok with rejection and put myself out there, learn to not give a crap in a good way. Im married and now I look back and say "knowing all i learned from the start would have been nice!" But i feel silly because i need to apply what i learned to FRIENDSHIPS!

This video made me cry. I'm an older woman ( older than dirt). I live alone, my children are grown. I have a good relationship with them, but my good friends are either moved away or have died. It is sad to have lost friends that know you so well and difficult to make new ones in this age of texting and overwhelm. Not just for older people, but the young ones that feel that they have to keep up with the Joneses.

I am 55 now, but when I was younger and my kids were young, I lived in a very middle class neighborhood. All the moms were close on our cul-de-sac, watching the kids play every evening as we brought out our lawn chairs and blocked off the street. Some worked, some didn’t, but we all would randomly drop in to visit. No judgement! It was very nice!!

I had it together. But I forgot where I put it. 😉

I’ve tried to be close with a few female family members who came to my home and just made comments about why my walls weren’t finished being painted or “do you know you have a fly in your house?” Uhhh okay, time to wrap it up. Get out. Regardless of my experience, this was a great video. I appreciate the point you’re making.

My job takes me into many people’s houses. The immaculate ones are the ones where the customer has help cleaning. If you both work full time, perfection is almost unattainable.

I love it when my home is clean and tidy. It's level of clean/tidyness fluctuates. I used to only let people in when it was at the cleaner/tidier end of the scale, but I'm proud of myself for getting better at letting people in when it's messy too ☺️

It's hard enough to raise our kids without it being a competition!

Amen! I raised my family in the pre social media era and this is what we did. Always. Some people were neater than others, but no one was uptight about it and we thrived for it.

My husband just told me last night how he appreciated how well I kept house. I appreciated the compliment but I almost laughed because luckily he never looks too close. The floors are kind of gross with water bowl drool because I have dogs. I usually have fluffs of dog hair in any given corner because…dogs. I don’t really move anything while I’m dusting (maybe I’ll dust properly if we’re hosting the holidays). I told him my cleaning style was “it’s better than it was and that’s good enough.” We don’t have a lot of clutter except for dog toys (we’re talking about two 50 lb ding dongs who have a plethora of big toys).

Thanks for reminding us of what's really important! 🙏🏼🌹❤️

Man. This nailed how I'm feeling. I love how well said the part about how we feel when we go to someone else's perfect home vs a messy home. It's not often a video puts me in tears! Thank you for this video. Let's break the cycle!

THANK YOU!!! I've been thinking exactly this for the last weeks! I feel like the odd one out in my circle of acquaintances, but I'm tired of putting the state of my house above the atmosphere of my home and the importance of community. I've been making it a point to not clean anything extra when someone is stopping in. Whatever is getting clean for my family, will be cleaned for company. No more. My base line is having clean clothes in the closet, healthy food to eat, clean dishes to eat it on, a place for everything and no crunching when I walk 😂😂

‘Dont be someone even you cant relate to’ haha so guilty of this when people come over and im after spending the whole day cleaning things ive been ignoring for months🤣🤣

I know I need to hear this, not to be less clean, but to not be too hard on myself. I do need it clean and not messy around me because I feel distracted and stressed when it’s messy around me. I don’t relax in my own home if it’s messy.

love the message you mamas are putting out. dawn and diana has it too. friendship and connection to people is much more important than a clean home. finding friends as an adult is like getting into highschool again trying to make friends. tougher because you dont go to the same place all the time besides being busy w responsibilities being parents.

Such a great video. I have my last friend from school alive and we have a 56 year friendship. We have been there for each other, ups, downs, good, bad and deaths and severe illness. Such wise advice. Love, Hilah

Thank you for this video. I can certainly attest to the dangers of loneliness. For the past 20 years I’ve lived in a foreign country that really doesn’t welcome people from the outside. I have tried to make friends with only limited success. I am miserable without female support nearby. I would urge everyone to heed her advice!

This was a beautiful reminder. Thank you friend ❤

You are one of my favorite people. Thank you for being Real. 💝

My kid has severe eczema, so im forced to sweep, vacuum and mop daily to help manage his skin so all those cleaning videos and hacks make my life a little easier

At 57, I'm finally starting to focus on my friends. I live way out in the country compared to most of my homeschool mom friends, but now that my youngest is 14 and my cleaning business (with my daughters as employees) is slowing down, I FINALLY have time to connect with friends. Because I live so far away, I always go to them... which makes not having a spotless home easy. I honestly can't remember the last time I had someone over to my house. BUT, I do get out and see friends, and am also really good friends with all 6 of my daughters and get lots of social and laughing time. I'm blessed, but I do know I have to cultivate those friendships for my well-being.

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="658">10:58</a> ok, you know what, I needed this❤ I needed to hear that it’s «supposed» to be awkward in the beginning

This was such a great video that I just subscribed to your channel. You're so straight forward and down to earth. I would love to be your friend. Everything you said was so true. I used to say to my husband that it was pretty sad when you have to clean just to have a plumber come in to do some work, because you felt embarrassed that your home wasn't spotless. I'm 76 now, and lost my Don 3 1/2 years ago, but can relate to everything you say. I have known different women that I would have liked to go over and have coffee with, but they would avoid it because their home was messy. I would tell them to come over here then, and you won't worry about your house any more, as mine was messy too. I finally made friends with the girl across the street, but she never let me come in. Then one day I had her come in my home, and said please don't look at the mess. She laughed. But later she actually let me into her house, and didn't mind. I think more people than you would believe feel this way, but we always think it's just us who aren't perfect. Now my neighbor and I visit all the time, and laugh about how much alike we are. It's so nice to have a friend, and so close. I love your videos. Thanks.

I move every few years and having to start over and make new friends is exhausting. It definitely takes time, but it is doable if you get out there. I am also extremely introverted and awkward and have been able to find at least one good friend each move. I like to keep in mind that if someone is out alone with their kids then they probably wouldn’t mind having someone to talk to..even if it is awkward at first

I felt that way when my kids were younger. Having lived through the teen years, and all the extracurriculars and running around, I felt good just making sure we were fed and had homework done and clean clothes. Having to work in concessions, attend meetings, and be a booster parent used my weekends. The home took the furthest backseat. When it was over, I realized being an active parent was more important. Priorities change.

I did exactly you suggest, for my latest guests- family visiting me for few days and I must admit it was life changing expirience. I się the basics - bathrooms, their bedroom, kitchen and dining room and the floors so they feel comfortable. The rest of the house was left untouched. And we had great time together. I never had perfect house, and it always was my big stress to bring people over, but this time I was put against the wall and I had to acomodate them. And I tell you something, we had great time together and it is a good start for long term friendship! You are absolutely right. Let's let us open our homes to the people out there, let them see us. And let's let us be true and honest to our selves and the others. Thank you 😊

Forget the algorithm, I know God led me to your channel. I REALLY needed to hear this!

My husband & I have friends that he just invites over whenever, without cleaning first. They are totally fine sitting with/on a pile of clean laundry on the loveseat!

I once showed a video of my messy home office to my book group. The book was about radical honesty so I went for it. We all laughed, but I sensed some of the ladies were a bit shocked. Even though I had bemoaned my office for years, they didn't realize how bad it was. Oh well, it did make us all closer. This was a wonderful message to share.

I had a friend who had piles of things EVERYWHERE. There were piles intermittently on the floor without a reasonable footpath. I wondered, if there was a fire, would they get out safely? I didn't know where to sit to wait for her to get ready for our outing. There were multiple doggie pads stacked on top each other because the one underneath was soiled (there were more than 3 pads). She had a whole section of the house for her and her family, but with all the rooms available, she still had all these piles. There's a point where you need to assess if your house is lived in or out of control.

You read my mind. I have been obsessed with having a clean and super organized home and did the Flylady / Clean mama system for years. I did most of it myself since I had not trained my 12-year-old son and my older son is off and married. Then earlier this summer while walking the dogs my dog was protecting me from something (I have no clue what) and pulled me down and I am on crutches for 10 weeks. Currently I am halfway through my 10 weeks and my husband is doing the daily tasks. I realized it really is not the point of life even if it drives me crazy, as we are still alive and happy.

Girl, I don't have any friends, nor a clean home. I blessed to have a wonderful husband, and children. That wonderful you mentioned at <a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="270">4:30</a> in your video, I didn't get because I have Autism and I was bullied. There were kind people tha befriended me for awhile, but I am awkward. I never learned how to keep friends. I am sadly not even friends with my siblings, I am just a loner. I do enjoy my alone time.

I met one of my dearest & best friends in college. I thought she was a snob & quickly realized she wasn't. Nearly 40 yrs later, we are still friends & she was with me yday when I found out my hubby will need open heart surgery soon. I'm glad I opened my eyes to her. I dont know what my life would be like without her. 😊

Years ago my dad was at my house and he ran his finger across my TV screen. He said it ended to be dusted. My mom was a neat freak so that was what he was used to. I told him I spent the time playing with my kids and a little dust would hurt anyone. He never brought it up again. This was before social media. I never felt like I had to spend all weekend cleaning as I taught all week. I had a cleaning woman every 2 weeks. Clean enough was just fine.

I like cleaning before people come over because I like to create a calm enviroment for them in the chaos of life. It's not that I'm worried they will judge me. Also it gives me a reason to pick things up. I often invite people over to motivate me to pick up otherwise I might not get to it.

Love this! There’s an adage from the 70’s (from Erma Bombeck I think, but not 100% sure) - “My home is clean enough to be healthy and messy enough to be happy!” My biggest pet peeve on home cleaning are videos that show you how to fold your fitted sheets. As a recovering perfectionist, I admit I used to try to do this. I love the idea of a perfectly organized linen closet, but I don’t have enough hours in the day to keep up this kind of perfection. Anyone who is looking through your linen closet and judging you for half-@ss folded fitted sheets (or streaky windows, or crooked pictures, or whatever) has their own issues to deal with! Whatever they may be critical about in your home says way more about them than it does about you.

Alleluia ! Your message has to spread around the world! Cleaning is nice but if it makes us more stressed than the usual, that turns stupid!

For realllll. I've asked myself the question "who has time for friends" many many many times... Unfortunately social media has nothing to do with it. 3 kids under 5 it's just fruitless. I'm not comparing to anyone else I just hate the way it is. At one point I even started feeding the kids outside on our child sized picnic table to try and minimize cleaning. That didn't work because they never wanted to eat just play. 😆 My house is never clean.

When you talked about being in a super clean home, my first thought was that I don't feel super comfortable here. Clean is one thing, but spotless is another. You feel like you almost can't do anything there because you have to keep it spotless; you can't have too enjoyable of a time because you worry what might happen. That was my grandparents home. My grandmother kept it so clean that as a child I felt like I couldn't be myself when there. We often went outside to play because being inside just felt wrong sometimes. I never want people to feel like that

You’re at the top of my favorite RU-vidrs. You make me laugh. Keep it going.

Tbh, I don't feel the need to make any new friends other than the ones I already have. I've known my best friend since high school. I have a few other friends thru work, but that's pretty much it. I am totally fine with that because I'm an introvert anyway. I think this is a great message in general. However, my situation is a little different. I have ADHD, anxiety, depression, and possibly autism. I've struggled my entire life with keeping a clean home. I'm doing better now, but that's only because I've been thru several years of therapy and learned a lot from YT channels like this one. The thing is, I can never really stop worrying about keeping up with the housework because of where I live. I've mostly lived in apartments over the past 20 years or so. The biggest problem with this was that every apartment complex I lived in had inspections at least once a month, and when I lived in public housing, it was once a WEEK. I was constantly berated for the state of my home, and I was even evicted from the last apartment I lived in because of it. You can imagine what that did to my self-esteem. Thankfully, I'm in a much better place now. It's still an apartment, but the inspections here are not once a month anymore, and the landlord has been extremely forgiving and understanding of my mental health conditions. Clean enough is ACTUALLY clean enough now! However, the memories of what happened before are always in the back of my mind, so like I said, I can never really stop worrying about it. I can never let it get as bad as it was back then. I'm just grateful that I have a better support system these days. All of this to say, I loved the message of this video, but I also wanted to offer a neurodivergent perspective on the subject in case anyone else like me has been thru these kinds of struggles. Just know that you're not alone. You are seen and heard. I wish everyone the best.

I’ve struggled to make friends ever since I was a child & now that I’m 65 it’s even harder, as most people my age are either married or in relationships & have older children (I hate the word kids) & grandchildren & I don’t fit into any of these cliques. Most people that have these only want to mix with other families or couples, never single people. I often feel so left out on Facebook etc when they post pictures of their grandchildren & discuss them & I can’t join in their conversations.

Love your honesty! Taking on the challenge of just inviting a friend over! So we can have deeper relationships!

There's a difference between picking up versus cleaning; organizing versus disinfecting; decorating versus making hygienic. Clean means I can sit on your toilet without fear of grody hairs and dried up man-pee. Disinfected means I can wash and dry my hands without getting more germs on me than I started with. Hygienic means I'm not gonna get the dang flu if I accept a cup of coffee. Don’t worry about picking up, organizing, or decorating. I don't give a fug about STUFF. I care that it ain't dirty, or trashy, or rotten, or stinky, or icky, or outright disgusting.

This is such a good message. True friends support you. I have stopped trying to maintain what I thought were friendships and focused on people who are actually my friends. This was a huge step in knowing who was a real friend and who was just using me.

You are so lovable. Thank you for being on YT. I've loved your chill cleaning content for years, now. Cleaning for living, not living for cleaning !

Oh man, I wish my attempted friendships with most of the local moms had worked out... but im so glad to have a couple friends from two of the many in the neighborhood, and they're fantastic and kind ladies who I can hang with for hours even with a messy house lol. Thanks for the encouragement.

Friendships are so important throughout life. Thank you for giving us a kind reminder. 💜✌️

The story at the end about you making a friend on your walks was such a lovely story and great advice! Maybe it’s awkward at first, but people sometimes need time to find a rapport. That was encouraging. Thanks, Ariel.💕

I actually have to thank you for your videos! I started when I found your head to head match ups of various cleaning systems. It has helped me get a system together for my own home and to have a healthy attitude about it. I had been beating myself up because I grew up in a very clean house and was quite neat snd tidy myself before becoming a homeschooling mom of 3. You’ve helped me to find that balance with it all, so thank you!

Beautifully said! We need so much more of this!

Thanks for the video, Mack. I appreciate your thoughts. The phrase "don't take advice from someone who isn't where you want to be." was a paradigm shift.

So GREAT, dear Ariel! Thanks for talking to us like a real friend!! You are so right !I love your message ❤ ❤❤

This is exactly what i needed to hear in my life right now, all of it❤

This is all so true ❤ Thanks for sharing, Ariel!

The cute girl on the cleaning channel is telling us not to clean. I like this

This is truly appreciated. I love it.

Perfect message. Thank you!

I so very much love your channel!!! I’m trying to get motivated to clean rn and idk why the song gold digger is in my head but I think because of that funky beat. You really inspired me with your dance tengo that I can’t stop cleaning to a beat. You have helped me so very much, thank you

So true and helpful! I am saving this to watch again when I ned a reminder. Thank you!

Thank you for this. I really needed to hear this today

The last time I watched your videos you had a pretty small channel! So amazing to see how much you’ve grown ❤ congratulations!! 🎉

I am a Sara, and I can confirm that I am, in fact, behind. 😂

I’m learning to set goals instead of deadlines. Not I’m gotta do the laundry today… but I’ll start working on it today. It helps remove the stress from the situation that will occur anyway

I love what you said so much! When I was a single mum and had one child, my home was spick and span. Now that I am remarried and have another child my home is trashed most of the time. I wish it could be neat and tidy like before but I want my kids to make a mess and play and explore. So I make sure our bedrooms are the tidiest. It is quick and easy and when I go to bed at night I feel calm. The living room can stay messy. I also have this thing with my friends. They call or message me 1/2 an hour before dropping in and it takes away so much stress. They see my mess but I care less because I havent had a week to prepare and clean the house.

You are absolutely right Ariel

Great video! Very needed!

I didn't think I was gonna enjoy this video because I came to RU-vid today to find cleaning motivation but I've loved all your other videos so I though I'd give it a go and I have to say just wow! This was an eye opening video. I'm going to take your advise and I'm also going to watch this video whenever I'm feeling down.

This was lovely much needed thank you 😊

Well this made me cry. I feel this video deeply. Thanks again

Did I hear you say “more mop to floor”?😂 But such a great video! I remember being a new mom wanting to make a friend and it was so hard. Seemed like no one was ever available

Well said.

Ariel, another video that feels so relatable! I’ve been so busy with work, but I’m trying to find the time to carve out to dedicate to RU-vid again. I love watching your videos. I can always count on inspiration, relatability and humor. Thank you 😊

This is gold! Another cracking video. Thank you Arial!! 💕🙏🥳

I love this video. It is the best advice and overall message I have seen in so long. My husband and I where talking about this the other day. It is just as hard for me as women. Socal media and other factors are ruining people for actually coming together in real life. I have a great work friend that I meet recently. We hangout once a week and I love the interaction. I am slowly putting myself out there again. I just want a nice group of friends I can talk and hangout with. We don't have to always agree and live at each other's houses. I just need a friends I can share with and spend time with. ❤

This was a well thought out video, thank you!

Amen sister. I like someone that tell the truth.

Clutter makes me anxious, no matter where it is! If I walk into a friend’s house and it looks like a magazine, I relax better! I must be a weird one…

Great advice.

Wise words!❤

Several years ago I made a conscious decision to let go of the need to have an immaculate house. I keep it tidy (no big deal -- I pick up after myself throughout the day), because clutter makes me feel anxious, and I clean enough to be healthy and for me to feel comfortable with it. I am so much more content and it leaves me the space to focus on and enjoy other things.

Wow! Great advice. Best.

Loved this video! You are a very wise young lady, and did I mention very funny! This video is not only for Moms, either! Thank you for making this video 💕