What is Emotional Intelligence? 

The conversation here has taken a fascinating turn (fascinating for us at least): we see a lot of comments that want to suggest that emotional intelligence does not exist/has been made up/is not a thing. We assume that what people mean by this is that science, especially neuroscience, cannot clearly identify a separate part of the mind that can be referred to as Emotional Intelligence. This is perhaps very true. But it somewhat bypasses our point. We're not looking for scientific validation, we're simply pointing out certain emotional faculties which can be more or less developed in people - and can be fostered by a good surrounding culture. We're surprised too at the line of argument that suggests that the idea of Emotional Intelligence was invented by 'stupid' people to make themselves feel better about not having achieved anything. This seems unnecessarily harsh - because achievement comes in many forms and the ability to understand human nature is as valid a pursuit as the ability to (for example) play basketball or cook well.

In a nutshell, EI is the ability to understand behaviours of others and controlling own emotions.

For me, emotional intelligence is the ability to be relentlessly kind to other people. You don't have to always understand other people in order to be patient and compassionate.

There is another kind of education needed in society. No doubt about that. More than one in fact, if you ask me.

Technical proficiency paired with emotional immaturity is a dangerous combination. You're very wise to point this out.

Hands down, one of the best videos School of Life has ever made.

Empathy is not the same as emotional intelligence. One could have much empathy and still be a "bad" person. Empathy is the ability to understand another person's condition from their perspective. This does not inherently mean that this will be used towards "good" purpose.

I just want to say thank you to the School Of Life and all its contributors for bringing us all these great videos. It is truly an amazing content. I have subscribed to a quite a lot of RU-vid channels but this is the one I enjoy the most. By a long a way. Thank you so much.

In my opinion EI is the ability to know others real intentions clearly irrespective of their behaviour, voice, tone and talks

Emotional intelligence is the realisation that on a primal level everyone wants to be esteemed and valued. Love is the core desire. But due to human preferences and biases people tend to suffer rejection and neglect often. With that in mind, your goal is to therefore show people out there that you have esteem and great respect for them even in their less graceful moments. This will mean watching your words, body movement and eye contact when interacting with other people. Everyone is insecure about their intrinsic value and therefore your respect will come as a wonderful surprise that will often stir them up to show respect to others they meet. This makes your heart a spring of life-giving water to a very love-thirsty populace. People will get attracted to you like bees to nectar or moths to a flame. The warmth you emit will make others naturally seek your company. You find you become a natural leader by default. This is bad for those who tend to like their solitude and alone time. The introverted. But that is a comment for a different video.

I'd like to add that emotional intelligence doesn't come without a penalty - it takes energy to empathise, which is why I suspect many don't do it as much as they are capable. Earlier in my life I felt it (empathy) as a burden - or even as an unwanted intrusion into somenody else's life. That was largely reflecting my own feeling that it would have been an unwanted intrusion into mine. But when it came to it, it wasn't unwelcome at all!

3:20 guy with two pairs of glasses , in other news emotional inteligence should be given more importance nowadays that both parents working is becoming more common and the kids arent being constantly corrected on how to manage their emotions

Such an important topic!! Should definitely be a part of the education system! 🙏🙏

my man really pulled out the Witch Crying sound bite from left for dead @1:42

In my opinion emotional development walking together along with : 1. Cognitive development : that is has a few the basic categorized age development like a baby , toodler , teenage , young adult , adult n older person.. Cognitive development from a few categorized as sensitivities stage , pre operational stage , concrete operational and formal operational .. And then 2. Spiritual development : that is soul religion development usually has been marked with relationships between a person with god.. Spiritual development is important cause EI never happens if a person don't have a soul relationship with god ..

THANK YOU.WE CAN'T WAIT for public schools to teach our young how to EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS/EMOTIONS.PARENTS MUST TEACH BY EXAMPLE!: I AM ANGRY,I NEED AN APOLOGY&AN EXPLANATION,ETC.(ROLE/SOUL PLAYING). ONLY fear&anger BLOCK our amazing,innate abilities to SHARE OUR LOVE.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! I'm so glad this is being spoken about, emotional intelligence is so, so important!!!

Watching this right after a zero punctuation video is quite the shock.

What sucks is knowing you’re emotionally intelligent and dealing with someone who has NO emotional intelligence. They think you’re crazy and that emotional intelligence is just a made up thing

Simple words to understand yet very powerful knowledge about human emotions. Thank you for the video

I think it should bd taught in primary school to high school, just like social science or physical education.

My problem with emotional intelligence is that I am hypersensitive in addition.. no luck it's like a paradox

Who writes this stuff. I want to meet this person. So wise.

It's odd, really. So many people have so little "emotional intelligence", despite having eventful lives. As for the term itself, I do believe it could be worded better. I'm 16, but despite the demographic of my generation, I believe cell phones, or more specifically smart phones, have a negative effect on most aspects of life, especially the emotional parts. In my opinion, they detach us from reality and create a "safe haven" for all users. Instead of confronting ones inner problems, cell phones teach us to hide from them. Only once one conquers themselves can they master ANYTHING. I try to take an hour a day to simply contemplate self-improvement and how I can get better at anything. Unfortunately, that usually leads to improving my fighting style and strategies, for reasons unspecified. Even after doing so for nearly 8 years, I still find many ways to improve myself, such as focusing more during school/work and improving my physical appearance. The first thing I tried to master was initiative, as without it contemplation is pointless. Now, I believe I need to work on writing, as I have tried to correct this unimportant RU-vid comment six times, and still know there will be haters. *sigh*

WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE 😳😳 2:55 THIS SOUNDS LIKE WHEN AJ STARTED LEARNING STUFF IN THE SOPRANOS!! HE STARTED GETTING "DEPRESSED" BECAUSE "WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIFE???" this leads me to believe that people like Friedrich Nietzsche and Arthur Schopenhauer are a good example of "emotional intelligence"

There are two basic brain types when it comes to emotional processing in the limbic system, the high estrogen one and the low estrogen one. The high estrogen one is the one we tend to think of as having more emotional intelligence, because they are more "empathetic", and they focus on what their closest companion (animal, vegetable, mineral, etc., including the self in the future) wants to DO. As in what another's goal is. The low estrogen type focuses on what their closest companion wants to get/have, and they are the ones who tend to be thought of as being on the Autism end of the spectrum of brain types. They are the ones who need to use their more intellectual parts of the brain to learn, logically, to assess what someone else (or themselves in the future) want to do.

That is, who controls power plants are emotionally unstable? Post Data: Great video, it's a need teach the society how to control what drives each individual to act in certain way.

Sooooo underrated... Really agree with this message!

EM should really be introduced as a curriculum in school. The series of bad leadership all over the world is a result of lack of EM. Those that master EM, conquer and achieve greatness.....

Millions of years later , still no link to humans and monkeys. This alone shatters evolution theory.

Don't expect schools to teach kids things that are truly important. Because they never will..

I'm gonna share tf out of this

"This is not intelligence" I think having the capacity to be extremely perceptive and aware goes a long way...maybe there's no "IQ" test to measure this yet but I think EI has some significance

Society prioritizes intellectual intelligence too much for us to switch to emotional intelligence now. It's far gone now :(

I'm late to the party here but anyhoo, I'm above average in tech and math depts but I really am terrible at handling my emotions especially when I'm stressed, it turns off my frontal lobes for some reason... but not completely as I do understand now that when this happens (yes, took me a long time to figure it out) it is pointless for me to try to think things through so I just go off and do something else and maybe rage on guitar for a bit or find someone to crush at ping pong. For me the fight or flight urges are too strong.

Might learn something from this..

Brilliant video with massive insights...

I always figured EI was what happened at the end of Terminator 2

Watching this video all I could think of was "another passive aggressive jab at the political climate in which most people feel uncomfortable with"..just a thought

The question raises here: How could evolution possibly create THIS, a very crucial tool reserved for humans only (the advanced version anyways). I just don't see it happening, that's all.

Is emotional intelligence where you shadow ban long time subscribers who strongly and respectfully disagree with your political videos? Yours sincerely, a confused and somewhat disgusted former subscriber.

There is NO such thing as emotional intelligence. Stuff you talking about in this video is called empathy and self awareness.

Un conditional love is the source of universal energy condition and ego are the main problems in love Let us eradicate the conditions and ego to over come the real love

Not Intelligence.

Love your channel ♥️

If you guys make an emotional intelligence plush doll, I'd buy it! Lol

People used to develop in emotional intel by reading the stories of their culture, well crafter stories to teach you to avoid temptation, seek humility, justice, peace and mercy and above all love. Now, the secularists have decided we don't need any of that, we can make do with the likes of a rebooted Ghostbusters movie instead!?! Thanks atheists, secularists and God-haters everywhere, good job, you must be so proud of yourselves!

Good one

Seems like most people in the comments would believe that sociopaths who are great leaders/businessmen/salesmen/etc. have a very high emotional intelligence, which is contradictory to the very definition this video propagates. But to be fair I shouldn't expect a n accurate perception of reality from a youtube channel (and respective following) that prides itself on subjectivity and emotion passed off as objectivity and reason...

Very informative, thank you

Emotions are temporary(some last longer) states we exist in and are a (warning)sign that an exterior stimulus has triggered/ stimulated a thought which led to a feeling.... this state, if habitual, can led is to behave in a certain, predictable way if, and can also be used to help us survive (freeze, fight, fight, faint).. Becoming aware of the emotion and feeling in the body is important to develop the intelligence part.. to notice it and DELAY or realize the mental interpretation may not be truth or fact but our belief(opinion) about those and the possible outcome(s).. both fortunate and unfortunate situations produce thoughts, feelings and emotional states that led us to interpret or misinterpret the situations possible outcome.. i.e. the farmer's story.. One day a farmer's horse ran away into the forest and he could not find it.. later his neighbors came by, he told them about his horse and they said 'that's horrible' to which the farmer replied ' maybe ' The next day the horse returned with 3 other wild horses, again his neighbors came by, he updated the story and the neighbors said 'That's wonderful ' to which the farmer replied 'maybe ' The next day, the farmer's 20 year old son was trying to tame one of the wild horses, was thrown off and broke his leg, the neighbors that evening, hearing the story claimed 'that's awful ', again the farmer replied 'maybe ' The next day, the army came into the village and gathered up all the young men to go fight in the war, however with the freshly broken leg the farmer's son was left behind, the neighbors heard the news and said 'that's wonderful ', And you understand now the farmer's reply...'maybe ' Emotional intelligence does not mean you cannot emote, it simply means that interpretation you give to it may be inaccurate and that the response(behavior) others display, there may be an underlying issue that happens so fast they have no idea or may realize it later.. funny thing is something called fundemental attribution error.. we see someone behave a certain way(cut is off in traffic) we think, interpert them as an a-hole, it's a character flaw... however when we do it to someone else accidentally, we did not mean it, we realize it was maybe the situation/ circumstance or a mistake, not a character flaw or defect... we attribute the error previously to the character(who they are) of the person, however when we made the error, it was the situation/ circumstance not our character. Now for those who will read into this and say I'm saying it's ok for people to behave poorly, no.. they might need help in developing their emotional intelligence, they may not notice their behavior or reaction to a situation, (communication is 7% what we say, 35% how we say it and 58% body language when physically present during communication - that's why text/ e-mails are so easily misunderstood, so we add our understanding as truth without asking for clarity first, jump to conclusions), so their brain reads a situation and jumps to a conclusion and they react rather than respond to a situation.. helping them gain clarity by asking open ended questions and building rapport and allowing them to notice and challenge their thoughts with critical thinking while helping them understand being gentle with themselves is crucial.. take their/ your self talk to a level of encouragement, as you would any child learning to do something or re-learning to do something.. be gentle, kind and loving to yourself with encouragement... image if you we as harsh to a child learning to walk or ride a bike.... you or the other person is learning/re-learning something to be more effective with interacting with life... developing emotional intelligence for themselves and others... Again, I truly understand, sometimes the state of others does not allow them to hear you in the moment, and you Maddy not have the energy, will, want or time to be helpful, your living life also, however planting the seed with a thought provoking question that might sprout up later or just being kind/ understanding may be enough to be helpful.. if you notice yourself being triggered/irked by others (or this long explanation, lol) that is a great opportunity to work on your emotional intelligence, it's a continuous, inside out, discovery of effective way to relate in the various paradigms of life we move through throughout the day (general population, co- workers/co- students, extended family, parents, siblings, children, significant others and ourselves) and integrate how we perceive our communications with them considering the history, unresolved issues, their personal states... Sometimes viewing something simply as an opportunity rather than a challenge can help us develop emotional intelligence.. Being gentle with yourself as you discover how can I see this in my mind differently. Use curiosity, rather than defensiveness, to defuse yourself as you sense yourself escalating emotionally... Just my sense of this topic.. thanks for reading it...

Im only here because I forgot to do my chores bruh, my mom made me watch this and write a whole paper about EI💀

I never knew how to put it to words until now. My whole life, I've never been "book smart." I'm rather unintelligent in most areas, and I'm very self conscious about it. Like I could never understand politics, history, and mathematics to the extent that most people around me could. BUT, I've always been very introspective and able to understand and interpret emotions that other people, around me at least, have struggled to grasp. I've been fortunate enough to help a lot of people in my life because of my high "emotional intelligence", or whatever you wanna call it.

I was once called intelligent. That made me emotional.

Emotional Intelligence is the secret key to your dream life

I'd like to think my level of emotional intelligence is quite high, and in result of that, I'm rarely ever mad at someone, nor do I hate anyone, because I understand that hurt people usually hurt people. That's not to justify destructive behaviour or bullying, but to understand that these are people who need help, not punishment. I genuinely believe people with this mindset are a lot happier and a lot less resentful than others that thrive off of hate. A friend of mine said studying psychology has completely changed how she reacts to people and their behaviours because of her in depth understanding of the human mind and emotions.

Emotional intelligence is simply another name for maturity, wisdom, and empathy. It is so important to be able to control and understand your own emotions as well as understanding other's emotions. I don't care what you call it, it's more important than we realise because consciously and subconsciously -- whether we'd like to admit it or not -- we're to a large extent ruled by our emotions and conditioning and recognising and understanding this is the key to living a fulfilling life and having fulfilling relationships with others -- oh, and to prevent us from acting upon these things and doing stupid things.

It might as well be renamed extraterrestrial intelligence because of how foreign it must sound to some people lol

Emotional Intelligence is not to be mistaken as having simply to do with emotions and working with emotions. This intelligence is the capacity to integrate our experiences, and to gain thus a more complete picture of life in every moment. It requires awareness, attention, discipline and freedom to respond to the requirements of the present and not simply following the patterns acquired in the past.

Emotional intelligence is subject to widespread denial because our culture idolizes the tough guys, and empathy is seen as weakness. We are so fond of grouping ourselves into "our people" versus "the others" that we can't open ourselves to other people's feelings and cultures, for fear that we would lose our justification for feeling superior to them.

Emotional intelligence is not the manipulation and supression of emotions, rathermore it's the understanding of one self to know how your emotions work and use it in a constructive way.

Emotional intelligence is when your girlfriend breaks up with you, and you proceed to smack your own ass while eating Cheetos.

I honestly think that emotional intelligence is the ability to handle situations that are intense and emotional. Basically like situations where there's a disagreement between two people, and instead of one of the people trying to start a fight, they decide to work things out verbally.

Anyone can become angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way... this is not easy. -Aristotle, the Nicomachean Ethics

I feel that I have high emotional intelligence. I lost my dad at 15, and geeze there's a long list of regrets already at that age. I learned to keep the regret list short and not jump to conclusions about angry, sad, or even happy people. We are all together in this life as human beings, so why not work as a team to help those in need.

WTF I didn't know I am emotionally intelligent. I can see through lies, I can judge *real* emotions, I can see through poker faces with the slightest of body language. Like what, I've had this just by reading books. I think it's because in novels, emotions are explained in greater detail that my brain learned how to implement it in reality.

Emotional intelligence to me simply means l am aware of my own emotions and how they modivate my actions. Indeed introspection is a big part if it. l don't think it is my place to judge how others feel as l can never know exactly what has lead them to feel as they do, nor to judge what feelings they may be masking. However, l can with the awareness of thier feelings, be a bit more tolerant of them, especially while the fire of extremity still burns. After the coals have cooled a bit, then is the time to try educate them if l feel they have missed elements which require reexamination. Don't try to argue with an emotionally heated person as you will inevitably druve them futher into their emotionally charged position, and clamp closed their mind to other points of view.

Let me guess... You got an assignment

Unlike IQ which can never be taught and is usually consistent, EI can be taught and improved so this film assures us. Thank you TSOL, you've been an inspiration to us!

I don't understand why people are saying "emotional intelligence doesn't exist". Intelligence means to be highly knowledge in a certain area, but who's to say you can only be intelligent on facts or mathematics. You can easily be more susceptible and sympathetic when it comes to people's feelings and frankly this type of intelligence is underated.

Shouldn't we all just value emotional health more?

My mother is doing a doctoral at Oxford Brookes Univerisity. I'm proud of her as she is the only one in our family who is doing it.

I wish emotionel education will soon be tought at schools , teens nowdays are kind of lost in a big circle of mixed emotions and toxic relationships , feel like it would help a lot

1:43 - I hear a Witch. Everybody, lights off.

Note to self: First impulses are inaccurate.

I think that there are many different intelligences, I'm not very academic and couldn't write a good essay. I do however speak multiple languages, and can build a sturdy set of shelves out of a pile of wood without a plan. I've never met a puzzle I've not been able to solve, and I solve them incredibly quickly. I think some people have a better 'practical intelligence' vs a 'theorising intelligence.'

Emotional intelligence teaches you to take responsibility for your feelings. Also that offense is taken and not given. You decide what hurts you just like you decide what makes you feel good. Emotional intelligence helps you to become more conscious of this. Instead of reacting impulsively. Then blaming others for your reactions to your own emotions.

I take a spiritual view on this matter. I've had an innate awareness since I was a child so as I've got older my analytical mind and awareness tunes into behaviours naturally which is why I am always aware of genuine souls but equally not genuine souls who exist on a different level. I can spot them a mile. I'm polite but keep my distance always and never go any further to encourage any connection which doesn't connect with my soul too. If I venture out of this protection I soon weed myself away for good . I don't find it difficult to do that!

This channel has honestly helped me acquire emotional intelligence. It helped me sympayhise with other people, and have better relationships with people, since I can now interpret the real, hidden meaning behind their actions. I am forever thankful to you, The School of Life, for changing my perception in certain areas in my life, and therefore helping me lead a better, more peaceful life where I am at ease with myself and others.

please make videos on examples of how people should handle situations based on emotional intelligence. I don't think people are really "taught" to properly deal with stressful or emotional situations , and most either get violent, or completely isolate themselves when they face a difficult situation. How can we identify when we are emotionally ignorant if society won't even listen past 3 seconds in a conversation? I feel like people who take the high road in situations although they look like they got punked out, are actually the ones that have the last laugh due to their emotional intelligence. We need to develop better emotional skills to cope with life because all I see is a spike in mental illnesses.

Emotional intelligence is real it's what helps you in being happy and dealing with others and understanding them and what to do in certain situations involving others emotions and your it seems pretty simple why is everyone saying it doesn't exist?

Emotional intelligence will become more important as the quest and understanding human consciousness becomes the for front of scientific discovery. The advent of Ai will shift peoples focus (hopefully) from meaningless consumption to understanding and experiences.

I particularly agree with culture having a big influence on EI. One example is the Norwegian teen drama SKAM, I'd never seen a group of more well-adjusted teenagers than is depicted in the show, & I dare say any young people who watch & love the show can be guided to be more communicative, accepting, giving, and compassionate.

I've always wanna talk about emotional intelligence but my parents are too busy, my classmates are not interested. Edit: 😔

Everyone needs to watch this video. People really fail to even try to understand others, or simply to put themselves in other people's shoes. I try and integrate emotional intelligence into my training I give at work.

Everytime I hear "emotional intelligence" I think of Taylor from the batchelor 😂

I don’t get it

Emotional=an expression or reaction to feelings, feelings being abstract to the past and present. Intelligence=deciphering the appropriateness of the circumstances.

Achievements and mastery are healthy and critical, but simply "doing" and not knowing or understanding, or even cultivating the immaterial parts of us that fend off depression, loneliness and the pain of a competitive world is a dangerous imbalance. It's cliche; but when you master your mind and emotions, the world and others are less threatening. We relate better. We feel more connected. I think it's what we were made to do to be happy. It's easier said than done, because our culture has perverted and wrongfully concluded "emotional health" or "emotional aptitude" as that for the weak to focus on. A soft skill they say... Culture now tells the "strong" to carry on and bulldoze through life like a bad*ss to earn status and accumulate pleasures at any cost. If you are human, (we all are despite our perceived differences- even the worst of us) you know and have felt through painful experience these things aren't enough. As I get older, I noticed devices get faster, ordering whatever your heart desires online gets easier, but we basically suck at being happy or at peace more than ever. Our human and relational needs are getting sh*t on and dismissed. It's readily mocked. I'm guilty of it too. We feel even more dead inside and not "seen" even though our faces are broadcasted smiling to all our friends on social media sites. I get it. I, too, see the word "emotion" and especially "emotional intelligence" and think poppycock. Lazy thinking-feeling-cumbaya-weirdos who don't do the dirty work of navigating the world with their hands and sheer grit. Be the best at a skill, be productive, and be uber smart, and the universe will reward you. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't feel enough. Attention to the extreme takes away from our (dare I say) spiritual needs. I like this video. It reminds me to stay balanced. As The Little Prince Book says: "It is only with the heart that one sees rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." Sorry for the long comment. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm not really becoming the best version of human being through life's mixed messages. Most of all, it breaks my heart to see others I care about do the same...

I discovered my EQ is a 135 after doing an extensive 1 hour test. Im blown away. And my IQ is 130 plus. I am blown away. Do you have any tests? By the way I am 56 and a half, so I contribute the number from my street smarts and experience. Plus, I am an Empath, so my social and self awarness and management is near perfect. I am glad that I did these tests during covid. I even outscored Dr, Phil once, 160 EQ. Lol

How do you tame a horse in Minecraft?

tbh i really feel this on a spiritual level lmao. I was never a very logical person or a very technical one, but where i shine most is the field of emotional inteligence. Tbh i really think it should be appreciated more because an individual with this trait can really help in shaping a very friendly environment and making team members or co workers bound deeper without all these things being too obvious, by using the small things that can awaken some ideas in the subconscious.

Thanks. For helping me express exactly how i feel!

Emotional intelligence doesn't actually exist in the way that actual intelligence (as measured by IQ) does. It is not a scientifically valid concept in the way that IQ is. All of the psychological scientific literature is crystal clear on the subject. Read Dr. Jordan Peterson's Quora post on the subject if you want more detail.

Amazing video, thank you so much for making and uploading this. I have recognized that my EI is not at the level that I would like it to be, and I'm now actively trying to improve it, by (1)watching how I react to situations brought on by triggers in my life,(2)becoming more motivated and (3)trying to become more socially inclined... Wish me luck!🙏🏼

Daniel Goleman wrote a book about this in 1995. I remember when he was on Oprah and talking about this. How can people not know what this is 22 years later?

I hear a witch.

As a therapist myself, my recommendation would be to start by asking these simple questions: Why do they behave the way they do? Say the things they do? Think the way they do? If you spend enough time pondering these questions, something is revealed to you. You realize that most of human behavior is informed by the sum total of our Self so far, that is our experiences, our memories, our personality, our wants and needs, our social life, our career, our environment. The person that we are today is the person we've become. Then take the time to ask yourself what kind of experiences someone might've had to be the person they are, you begin your journey as emotionally intelligent person.

Emotional intelligence is extremely important, glad to see more people taking in this knowledge for self reflection. Just wait till more people understand how release their trapped emotions so that they can truly empower themselves to a better life!

Thank you so much for making this video :)) I love all of your videos, but this one helped me share what I was talking about for years now, with my friends and familiy. I think this is a thing that we really need to master. I am happy to have friends whit whom I can talk about it a lot, and we can then grow together. I hope this will be a "normal" thing to teach in schools in the future... actually, a lot of videos that you made are helping people getting better at EI. Thank you so much, and keep up a good work ❤ Sending love from Serbia