As a stay at home father I know it's not normal but it always kind of hurts that everyone just assumes the people who are taking care of the kids are "mums." On the otherhand, I love these concepts! They have completely changed the dynamic of my family and I cried a couple nights ago when my daughter hugged me and said " I love you so much daddy, thank you for not yelling anymore." 😭😊🕺 I know it sounds so basic but to see our two sets of twins flourish under this has "filled my cup so to say?"
I’m a mom but I had the same thought, my husband and I are both working on this together and although she is a very happy kid the yelling thing is a struggle as it feels like sometimes it’s the only way to get through to a 3 year old, but we are learning everyday. Your kids are lucky to have you, bravo Dad ❤️
Because Mothers still practice the vast majority of childcare in every single country, and the vast majority of single parents ARE Mothers. We need spaces and resources for ourselves, where we don't have to pander to men who have their feelings hurt, in my opinion. Something we have lost over the years, the sacred spaces that Mothers used to have.
Hi SJ, I'm an avid watcher of your channel and I never comment, but this video really touched me. I'm only 21 and have no plans of having children for at least another 5 years but I really enjoy watching videos about parenting as I'm super interested in early years development, psychologically and linguistically (your speech delay content has been fascinating). I was brought up in a very violent abusive household and there was a lot of conflict between my parents and between them and myself and it has really impacted me as I've grown up. I suffer with severe anxiety and PTSD because of this and am often triggered by parents shouting at their children in public places. Watching videos on topics like this is really important for me as I'd love to have children of my own but I worry that my instinct will be to parent in a similar way that I was, but videos like this give me reassurance that I can teach myself out of angry/short tempered habits and raise children how I would have liked to be raised and give them the childhood that I missed out on. I particularly love your vlogs where we get to see how you interact with your children with so much kindness and respect. So really just a BIG thank you for being an amazing parent and putting this content out there xx
Josie ah josie; I couldn’t understand your background more. Ive thought a lot about it and believe that there’s no such thing as a cycle of abuse; it pours out the other way sometimes. I’m so glad you said hello as makes me feel really good you’re here; xxxx
Loved this video, SJ. I don't even have children yet and you're really the only 'mum vlogger' that I watch religiously. Your videos are so cosy and have such an authentic feel, and I'm picking up so many tips for the future. Discovered your channel via Gabbie a couple of months ago and I'm addicted. Thanks so much for your content x
Love this, I’m a first time mum with an 18 month old and another due in 9 weeks, I’ve been dreading how to discipline/reward them and not become a mum that’s just shouting all time! X
I was a mom that yelled all of the time. I had/have adhd. I did not know this. Awful. Working at getting better. I do not like western medicine, I look for much better ideas. Love my grandkids. Oldest daughter had it the hardest. I shunned her. Had pre-eclampsia and she was taken by caesarean. I just knew nursing her would had repaired everything. I was given nuclear medicine and nipride. I also, just recently had metaphysical dark entities taken out of me, she says d that I could not have loved anyone, it would have been impossible. We ALL have negative beings literally in all of us. Energy Healers Actually HEAL !!! My daughter is estranged from me now, but there will be a beautiful coming together for ALL of YS soon.
My Niece is a “gentle parenting” child and she is an absolute wild child… if she could reach the Chandelier and swing from it she would… setting expectations and remaining consistent is the key to parenting.
I also have friends that are trying this method. Their results are “mixed” at best. Traditional child management with discipline seems to work to create kind, happy, and creative kids more consistently.
I work in the care sector with individuals with intellectual disabilities, and I feel a lot of the principles that I work with translate well toward a gentle parenting style. (Which I'm interested in following when I eventually have children). Obviously sanction and rewards are huge no-nos because that's seen as manipulation. I also brought up the 'attention seeking' point in my recent Positive Behaviour Support training. It's so important to anyone to have attention and feel seen/heard by people! If someone is 'seeking' attention then they're obviously not getting the right positive attention they need. Why not give it to them? I really appreciate this video and spreading the word. Thank you x
dammyjodger1 ah wow what an amazing job; attention seeking is such a big thing isn’t it. My children love to play independently but then splitting my time and attention between three gets tough after school when it’s homework, dinner, playtime in such a short space. Just good to know we’re all in it together! X
@@SJ_Strum Of course you can't cater to their need every single time - at the end of the day we're not machines so can't be too hard on ourselves. Btw always really enjoy your baby name videos but this was a really nice surprise too x
I feel like the attention thing applies in adult relationships as well. There are many times when I am out with friends and they are on their phones texting other people or on Facebook ect. I don't think it is too much to ask that the friend put down their phone and pay attention to the person in front of them.
Thank you for this SJ. My son is only 11 months old and I'm already feeling pressure to discipline (particularly from my parents generation) but I know he doesn't understand just yet and I don't believe that it is actually naughty/bad behaviour. You've given me some things to think about going forward xxx
Jen Alj I’ve experienced this a lot too Jen and I find myself feeling guilty for sticking up for my son and his behaviour- which is absolutely ridiculous! Try and remember it comes from a loving place but stick to your guns- you know what’s best for your babies! Lots of love x
So funny isn’t it; I’m so much more relaxed with my choices now I have Evelina. But remember the same; and ultimately we will never parent the same as the older generation. And co sleeping, attachment parenting baby-led weaning are so new. I always just think to put in my memory bank if I’m lucky enough to be a grandma!!!! Don’t judge by my generation!!! X
@@SJ_Strum new yet old. Co doodling is common in most of the world currently and through history. And there were no puree food jars back then and you couldn't make a child cry it out and self soothe back then or time out alone etc in the wilderness. Even if you tried im sure someone from the tribe would go to the child
This video came up in my suggested feed, and love it! I'm not a parent (yet, hopefully one day) but I'm a preschool teacher and taught infants and toddlers for many years. Within my worklife, I wholeheartedly believe in respectful practice or peaceful parenting as it may be called when you're a parent - the principle is the same. Janet Lansbury is also an amazing resource...and look up the Pikler/RIE philosophy. It's amazing what children are capable of when you give them empowerment over their choices, to lead with kindness and are respectful of their ways of doing things. I always say to children ''you don't have to be everyone's friend, but you have to be kind to everyone.'' I also believe in children making their own choices within a limit. I.e ''I need to change your nappy. Do you want to go now or in 5 minutes? It has been 5 minutes you need to come now to change it...do you want to choose a nappy? Do you want to walk to the change area or do you want me to carry you? I can see you don't want to leave your toy because you look worried that (other child) might play with it. Let's find a high spot for it, so you can have it back after we're done.'' All these little choices are encouraging children to be partners in their care routine and learning. When you collaborate with children, it makes it all so much easier...but it's also teaching them that their opinions, thoughts and choices matter. That they can have control, choice and respect over their own lives and actions, like any other person. After all, how can we expect children/teens/adults to be confident making decisions and choices when they haven't had opportunities to practice?
iloveperfume such a lovely idea; I always really try to give them choices even the tiny things like helping me plan the meals for the week; they are so much happier at meal times if it’s their choice. I love that idea of collaborating in their care and maybe that whole self-care thing will be much easier for them as you say xxx
Thank you for this video. This is pretty much how I was raised and it's really nice to see it explained in a few key points for others to hopefully learn and take on. So many people don't show their children any respect and it's very sad to witness.
I’m an aunt and I want to say the respect your children thing is 💯. I don’t understand how children would learn what respect is if they aren’t shown it. Kids have no context., they need to be taught.
Needed to watch this today! Day 3 of solo parenting and feeling slightly frustrated and overwhelmed (2 year old testing!!) but I completely believe this way of thinking. They are all individual and kindness rules x
I brought up my kids trying to prepare them for the often harsh realities of life, and that meant simply giving out reward and discipline on a sliding scale depending on their actions so they understood that everything in life must be earned.
Thank you for making this video! I grew up with really harsh parents, and wish this video existed when I was little. I think this video will help many people, and will make several children’s childhood much easier! Props to you!
Jalene ah thank you: I feel like gentle parenting is such a new style - it would have been a bit “hippyish” a few generations ago. It’s so nice that children are so valued xxx
Love this topic, so thought provoking and it's always a case of easier said than done but this is a great reminder of how we ought to treat each other and prioritise the time we have together as families!
Amy Hayden yes I agree! I love the principle so much but mornings at my House go one way or the other! It’s normally lovely until 8am then we need to leave at 8.10 and all end up upset 😂😩
You're Always so sweet SJ and one thing I noticed is that of course you love your kids equally but is almost like you are three different SJ's and you are with each one of them. Maybe it can sound weird but I mean it as a compliment, means that you know them so well, you care about their differences and personalities and that you can adapt. It's amazing to watch ! You're doing a great job as a mummy xx
Letícia Ribeiro yes I think that a lot with discipline! Freddie is naturally good but also if he is being silly I need to be really loud and stern; whereas Finn will be more emotional and angry and needs more kindness and cuddles. If I told Finn off he’d crumble!! It’s so good to adapt your style to the kids temperament; Evelina is just a mystery 😂😂😂
Thank youuuuu for sharing your thoughts! As parents of an awesome highly sensitive kiddo been practising this but were new to the concept of gentle / positive parenting ✨✨✨
Love this SJ! Thanks for making this video. I keep meaning to do more research on gentle parenting - our kids (5& almost 7) have just started fighting with each other a lot and I’m finding it hard to know what to do so this is such a timely reminder. I loved the kindness starts at home motto.
Jemimah McAlpine mine do too! So yes kindness starts at home is good for mine and also explaining that words hurt....it’s so hard but they need to get that bit!!! X
What’s the original source material for gentle parenting, is it a specific book?? It’s just you reference ‘her’ and she in the video and I’d like to look into this more. I’m a mental health nurse and really into ensuring I raise my children in a way that builds resilience and I think this style of parenting could fit in very well with that. Thanks
@@SJ_Strum I would like to read that. I want my house to be a safe-haven as an adult, and I want my children to perceive me as reliable and somewhat predictable. We can have fun together, but I'm their caretaker and their leader; I am not my childrens' best friend. I know people can see that as really wholesome and cute, but that dynamic can actually be harmful to the child.
The Hidden Gem ah thank you: it’s very much my style too! I don’t manage it all the time but it’s good just to have an aim!!! And I can always bring it back to gentle if I get a bit irritable. Xxxx
I am super fatigued now that I’m pregnant, the best thing I did was teach my nephew who I care for how to be responsible and set an alarm for school. Now I don’t have to fuss about him not wanting to wake up. Ever since he started using it he just gets out of bed on his own. He is in the 4th grade and does a better job of waking up with an alarm than me lol.
OcT083r Such a great idea; they can also learn to look after us a little bit. I remember when I was pregnant the boys knew I needed rest and they had to help me xxxxx
Very refreshing to hear. Will take a lot away from this and thanks for your honesty! Sometimes a reminder is very much needed. My first child turned 2 today, and I know he’s got a big year ahead for him so this was nice to watch to just refocus and reboot for the next push. It’s a beautiful thing creating tiny humans, and well done to ALL doing it and doing their best. ⭐️
Freya Halls-Kass ah such a perfect message! I said this to myself today “I’m doing my best and doing it with love” even though it wasn’t my hottest parenting day 😂😂😍
If it’s our best in the moment, the most we can muster there and then and it’s with love then I don’t think they would ask for more. No matter how we compare it, they don’t! 🥰
Amazing way of parenting. Great video. I think the attention one is really important because I feel that you should spend time with your children when they want your attention. I know it can be difficult when you are busy with work, chores ect xx
Jess Baldwin yes exactly; it’s only really been an issue for me since I had three and I find the workload a lot more in terms of organising things, three of everything! But it’s my big focus now xx
Sj I absolutely love all your videos about gentle parenting. I'm not going to lie as it takes ne time to slowly get there, but you definitely make good changes in my behaviour and at the same time in my toddler behaviour too. Thank you so much ❤️
Really needed this video... I have found myself being an angry mum I feel I'm always shouting at my kids since my third baby has come along and I know it must be hard on the other 2. My goal for this year is to cooperate better with my kids everything this video is about really. So thank you ♥
Emma Bowles do you know; I was such a chilled mum with 2 and with my 3rd I found the juggle a lot more. They’re all different ages and I went into full “manager mode” and missed my playful side so much. But families adapt and it just takes time and a bit of focus which is why I’ve been reading about this a lot. Don’t feel like it’s just you!!!! Xxx
I don’t know where my son gets it from but I have been too gentle apparently because he is now 4 and is so disrespectful and nasty toward me. I have tried using words and explaining how to behave but have had to resort to time out and taking privileges away because he doesn’t listen whatsoever. It has become this way since I’ve had my baby who is now 8 months old. Before, he was fairly manageable but his hyper behavior did get out of hand at times. He is just so high energy and wants my attention all of his waking hours. I am just at my wits’ end.
I'm new to some of this as it's completely antithetical to the way I was raised. I need to learn more about this way of parenting because my kids deserve better than I had.
I needed to hear this today - I spent over an hour trying to make a crying baby sleep because ‘he hadn’t slept enough today’, ‘the book says he needs sleep’, ‘I’ll pay for it later if he doesn’t sleep now’. I need to maybe look at baby led sleeping 🥱
Hi SJ! Happy Friday. Thanks so much for this video. All the tips and advice is spot on. I find getting the children fed in the mornings (neither of them have much of an appetite for breakfast) and out the door a bit of a challenge. I tend to get up really early to get myself ready and then concentrate on getting the children ready. Sometimes we have a ‘race’ who can get dressed/their shoes on first to try and make it fun. I also like to leave a bit of extra time in case someone has a paddy and then we have time to calm things down before we need to get out the door. I also find that lead up to tea time after school a bit of a struggle. They are hungry and ratty (me too sometimes!) but as you say a kind word more than often turns things around! Thanks again for all the kind advice. Hope you have a fabulous weekend x x x
Becky Wyatt those are my tough bits too! We have happy mornings until about ten minutes before we have to leave then we all go a bit crazy with each other!!! I blame the small hallway 😂😩 but I always try them to be really nice on the way to school even if I’m annoyed so we leave nicely xxxx
i am currently pregnant with my first baby! i'm 5 months with my baby girl Zahra, i'd love more videos like this to look up to for our future. great video!!!! :)
Love this! I don’t have children myself but have 2 nieces, 3 nephews and 6 god children who I look after regularly (sometimes all at once, yes I know I’m crazy lol) and follow similar “rules” when I have them. ❤️❤️❤️
I love this. Really inspiring - I definitely need to work on a few of these! Only just started following you but I find your videos so calming and soothing! I’m sure lots of people say the same! xxx
Thank you Abbie Baker, that's a really kind thing to say!! I'm far from the perfect parent, but like most parents, I'm just trying to find what works for me xx
Any people out there with no kids yet or even of you do ( never too late) but as a mum i'd definitely recommend going to therapy/ go on a little journey of emotional healing.. before having kids ideally... I felt very triggered after having kids emotionally.. try and get yourself sorted as much as possible before them... Obviously won't all be perfect but I say to friends all the time.. it's SO worth doing!! Makes parenting much easier.. still have therapy etc. Now but at least get started and practice self care so always got on the side of parenting 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
You’re such a calm mother always inspire me..what is the book called you read? I would Definitely like to read..looking forward to hearing your techniques for misbehaviour..have you read Buddhism for motherhood...that’s a great book on how to be present with your children and deal with the hard moments of motherhood xx
This is great I relate a lot to this not because I do these technics but because I feel like I do the opposite and that’s why Scarlett my almost 4 year old is very needy and does things that she knows she shouldn’t for attention. Thank you I’m going to put these into practice xxxx
littlemisshomelife ah yes they’re just good to hear sometimes to kind of get into a good habit again. I read up on it and have been doing them a while now and can notice the difference xxx
I find the older generation are far more judgmental when it comes to discipline. I once had a man shout at my child to be quiet and then proceed to tell me that I had no control, because I was trying to figure out what was triggering my child rather than screaming at him. Definitely going to try and work on the quality time; being a full time teacher/mum can be very hard sometimes xx
Cerys Rennocks it’s so hard; I also have quite a High threshold for my children’s emotions so I don’t panic when they cry I just try to chat and leave them to cry until they’re ready to chat sometimes; as I know them. But someone else would think; why are you ignoring him? But I know Finn sometimes needs a good release of tears and he’d rather just be left to it / and I know as I’m exactly the same!!!! Xxx
Well I confronted the man after wards because how was he helping the situation in any way?? He wasn't! People should not judge parent's, for comforting their child. The man afterwards apologised to me because, after my son had told me his ears were hurting, his behaviour made sense. His surroundings were too noisy, which I didn't anticipate and he was anxious. It just goes to show that maybe before people jump the gun and stick their nose in, they should may be assess the situation first. If my child was hitting out or being rude, again that's my job to repremand not a total stranger.
Would you say that to a parent whose child has a sensory processing disorder or Asperger's?? they are hidden barriers, it's not always obvious to the naked eye if a child has a particular difficulty. Would you give a disapproving stare, if a child was in crisis?? I'm not saying children don't need boundaries, of course they do, they respond to it and once my child was reassured, he was fine and enjoyed hus experience. Sometimes as this video is saying you should try to listen to your child because raising your voice can most often male things worse but it's a personal preference!
You sound like a really amazing parent, I’m sorry that man was so rude to you I’m glad he apologised. You’re doing a great job, your sons very lucky I hope to be like you when I have children some day x
Cerys Rennocks - why not gently ask them to stop crying or to be quiet whilst you work out what’s wrong with them/ what’s making them angry? As a child you have to be taught how to deal with difficult circumstances or situations imo.
Very helpful video! I'm an aunt trying not to confuse or accidentally traumatize my nephew lol. Also, unrelated, but you look just like the lovely actress Saoirse Ronan!
Amazing tips, oh I needed it, thank you so much! Could we have more on parenting?? I follow you for some time now, must admit that I find your "name films" a bit boring and so tend not to watch them, however weight loss and CP I owe to you dear SJ! You have been true insiration to me with your weight loss and I am now also a big fan of CP! Love it! You are lovely! Hugs xxxx
Justyna Kot ah that’s so good! Well done! I love the baby name videos but they do have a specific audience :-) I’ll do lots more parenting this year - days in our lives and topics. Xxx
Explained beautifully. I'm trying so hard to break away from a job/chore I'm doing when the kids ask rather than asking them to wait. My 2 year old boy has a speech delay and I feel guilty like it's my fault because he's 2nd child I don't feel he got the same attention my first did. Xx
Lianne Spear oh no never feel guilty for a speech delay; you haven’t done anything differently- if anything there is more talk in the house. These things present themselves for first babies too I’ve heard so many stories. Life is busier with two and I’m so distracted these days with an endless admin list - we’re all in the same boat xxx
Never feel guilty, my first had a speech delay and got all the attention. My littlest has had hardly any 1.1 time in comparison and his talking is way beyond average.
My niece was a first born and also had a speech delay whereas her brother picked up speech so quickly. It really depends on the child and is no ones fault whatsoever.
Is there a reasearch about gentle parenting or an article? I want to write a thesis about this topic but don't know where to find solid evidance/proof other than youtube/tiktok videos and blogs.
I'm a mum of 3, my eldest being nearly 11 and I feel like I've failed my eldest two children as I wasn't gentle parented and I don't gentle parent them. I have anxiety, I shout, I swear and I get angry and I'm honestly worried that it's too late to change. Our youngest is 1 so I feel like I can change for him but I just feel bad for my oldest 2...Any advice? Xx
Totally agree with everything in this video. Thank you. I’ve read these principles myself and apply them with my toddler. Totally relate to what you’re say. Ps: always watch your videos and love the new hair colour 😄.
I need to work on the last one the most. Like most I grew up with old school parents so they were very tough. I am trying to find a balance and take a more gentle approach.
I have a two year old son who will not listen to me when i try telling him what he’s doing is not okay. He will scream and stretch his body out and not listen. I don’t know how to teach him the breathing method to calm him down. He has a speech delay as well so he doesn’t speak just babbles. I used to spank him but I’m trying my best to not do that anymore so he can better express his feelings.
Such an interesting video! I’m only a year into parenthood, but already consciously am making decisions on how we want to parent... so many of these points are just good things to live by generally right?! I’m going to try and be really aware and make sure I stick to these- especially the attention bit! X
Little Life of Lottie yeah I was always reading and making sure I had techniques up my sleeve!!! I’ve always loved parenting styles and gentle parenting is so me; it just gets you into good habits. Xxxx
Loved this SJ. Thank you, I need to work on that last one too. I feel like I did always go straight to my 22 month old but since listening to other people I have been doing it less and making him wait 5 minutes while I finish washing up for example. I’m 31 weeks pregnant and everyone keeps saying I need to stop attending to his every need because once the new baby comes I won’t be able to. This really worries me because I don’t want him to feel like I’m all of a sudden ignoring him. This video is how I want to parent. Do you ever feel like you can’t split yourself evenly between your kids when they all want you? Any tips on how to? Thanks again, love your channel xxx
Cleo Shield ah everyone told me things like that and my best piece of advice is to invest in their friendship. Freddie used to hold Finn from tiny and I always said “look what you taught him” “look he wants you to kiss him” etc even when it was just me making it up!!!! And I spoke all about Freddie; so if I was changing a nappy I’d talk about what Freddie was like as a baby or how he fed with the bottle though I was busy with Finn. And I honestly think their relationship is the best thing; your attention can come through your words if your hands are busy if that makes sense. Now is the time to soak them up; but they will only gain from having a sibling xxx
Hi SJ! I love your videos. Our little girl is 6 months and I’m starting to look into positive parenting, what books would you recommend for research? Thank you 💗
I have this book and its almost like you need to reread it all the time to keep at it and remind yourself 💕 - would also recommend Raising Girls by Stephen biddulph, they have a boys one too
I absolutely loved this video xx thankyou for taking 9Now this topic, I’d love to be more gentle with the kids. I have 4 and often am rushing around or trying to watch a tv show at really the wrong times and I tell them I can’t do this or that because I’m busy or listening.... I should stop more and b3 calm with them. I grew up with very busy parents. My mother never say still or played with us and my dad was always talking about work when he was home or reading the newspaper for hours upon hours. He did spend awesome quality time with us on the weekends though, at grandmas house, but I feel I have copied my mums frantic behaviour. It isn’t good. Have you seen The Parenting Junkie? She has a channel here and a podcast now. She has a video on needy or clingy children, and it is very good, it might help with the baby xxx
Sarah W ah I’m going to look her up: I feel like my dad was the playful one and he worked a lot. My mum was the provider and did it all but it’s hard to get the balance of making it all happen and enjoying it work isn’t it! Xxxx
Great topic! I love your videos especially your most recent ones about your sons speech delay because I am going through services right now with my 3 year old and it is very emotional for me. I was wondering if you find it more difficult to explain certain things regarding discipline or feel more lenient with him because of this delay? I just feel like I do that with her because I don’t know how much she understands but I want to set appropriate boundaries and help her to process things successfully. Hope this makes sense and thank you for opening up about it because it is very difficult to go through.
Kerri Whalen I probably understood his frustration more: and gave him a bit of a buffer for it. But I don’t think I did change the rules because he was the second Freddie was quick to point out if he had different - ha Ha! I think keep the boundaries and I’m learning at Finn’s school not to differentiate him as he’s doing amazing! Xxx
Do you ever worry that this may raise "snowflakes" (as they say)? I live in the north of Scotland and things are shall we say, quite blunt/black & white here I guess, especially with the older generation. My parents weren't harsh compared to some, and I noticed that I couldn't handle the angry type of discipline that I witnessed with other children's parents. But even still with my background, as a 37 year old I look around and see many children these days who just don't look like they can handle anything, they're very delicate/sensitive? 🤔
