It was the only way I could escape a chaotic childhood. I always knew it wasn’t real. It was the only place I felt happy and accepted. They could do whatever they wanted to me but they would never get to my safe place. I’m 67 yrs old. For the first in my life, I don’t feel ashamed to show my real self.
The cool part is that we get pushed into the background because we're the quiet kid, the one who doesn't make waves or create havoc. The others needed excess attention. Our retreat into our own minds is very lonely at times, but this adversity leads to eventual acceptance of solitude. We build the psychological callus and resilience to maintain our distance productively, while others bask in attention getting. We eventually form stories and have dialogues in our minds that many times involve the observation of others. Self acceptance, it's beautiful.
I experienced the same,it helped me to cope with the stress of my life. When I was about 14 I realized that I needed to control it to be able to focus on things like school and work. I had the benefit of a close friend who had similar issues. We started to write out stories together and even made up skits. I still daydream and write them down. I also use them as a focus for relaxing and sleep when my mind gets too busy.
I've had the same characters and daydream go through my head since 2nd grade (I'm 40 now). The story changes with the time, many times thrown into TV worlds. I've honestly never told anyone about it and I find that it has a name fascinating.
You literally just described me lol. It’s so nice to know that there are other people like me. The only difference is that I don’t remember a time when I didn’t daydream
I have that too! Had characters that change but there are 7 characters that I feel I should write a book about. Everything you just said is what I’m going through and I’m only 23 years old.
@@heathertaylor8904that’s a good idea. I’ve had a similar experience as Siren. But, instead of sent to tv shows it’s mire like wild Sci adventures, kinda Futurama esque time period.
It was my childhood coping method. But it followed me into my adulthood and has caused me lots of problems (because I slip into maladaptive daydreaming when I should be listening to, for example, a boss or when I should be working). It really hinders your life.
It does hinder your life. All this time I thought it was myself and thinking I’m dumb or something. Just to find out it be that disorder! Not just my ADHD too. I’ve also realized that when I put my mind to something, I’m way smarter than people think. Not bragging but, I honestly think I could be a genius. My uncle was a genius with an iq of 160. But everything was in his head and had to go to a mental hospital for a little while. He passed away in my early childhood. But I still remember him. Miss him🧡
my main problem is that i prefer my headworld to the real one and feel distressed when I have to interrupt daydreaming while at the same time knowing that I have to to somehow like get my real life together
Exactly! Your brain is trying to protect you from the stress and instability in your environment. It’s complex and there are so many insidious ways it can happen but ADHD, maladaptive dreaming, and dissociation in anyway is primarily caused by trauma. If you can’t fight or fly, you disappear inside your mind.
@@chadmichael_ Yep! Hit the nail right on the coffin! It has its moments like when your trying to come up with stories and writing. But so much frequently you be in your head for hours on end. Don’t know if it’s true, but I don’t want to get lost in my head. You can daydream one day and might not come back. Your like in a coma-like state or possibly die.
My brain tends to do this when I have some form of free time or relaxation, like if I have a day off and my kids aren't around and I don't have work obligations, this is what my brain wants to do to unwind. I ended up taking the daydreams and writing it into short storylines with journal drawings or short dialogues between characters. I just do it for my self and it feels therapeutic. Makes me wonder how many writers or artists have this same condition.
Yes, I do this. Less so because I have a phone now and I am constantly reading something. I think to myself, if I only had time, I would sit down and actually write these things out, write a short story, develop characters, etc.
I used to this a lot from middle school until college. It got to the point where I preferred being at home so I could day dream rather than going out with people. Once I finished school, got a job, and a boyfriend it’s pretty stopped? I think I used it as an escape since I was so stressed and unhappy
That happened for a little while too in 2021 when I hung out with a girl for the first time. But when she moved away it came back. This stuff is real and I pray for deliverance from God for it to stop 🙏🏿
@@devionewilkins8903here's what I did and I'm almost over it: - "Jesus, I trust in you." - "I trust in God's providence and the Holy Spirit's guidance." - "Lord Jesus Christ, I offer it [the maladaptive daydreaming] up to you, Lord have mercy on me please." Say one these each time you find yourself drifting into one of those daydreams.
Also, when it's fully over, prepare to feel a tad bit "depressed" or "low", that's just you adjusting to reality. Then, pray to the Lord to fill your heart with joy. It'll take time but you'll get there if you persevere.
I like this one too! I want to know the best way to sublimate it though... I mean, if I have a vivid imagination it's gotta be put to better use than just cracking myself up lol
I have this problem... But in my case, it started when I was like between 4 or 6. I come from a disastrous family and was abused by both parents, so basically this was my only escape! Is very sad but till this day I have to snap myself into reality 'cause my mind just goes to that very colorful, sunny and QUIET place where I found peace... 😥
Me. It's amazing to find a name for this shameful compulsion that I am addicted to for more than 30 years of my life. It's also comforting to know that I'm not alone in this. Stay strong dreamers. 😊
As a child/teenager I had some very involved daydreaming. Two main settings, the space sci-fi setting and the medieval fantasy setting dominated. A minor off-shoot combing a bit of both was the post-apocalyptic wanderer that emerged in my teens. Seemed like everywhere I'd go would be converted into one of these settings in my mind. I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD (little H to speak of usually) as an adult and felt this was tied to the daydreaming. In my early 20s it became increasingly difficult to maintain these daydreams. They literally became fainter, duller, both in colour and interest, and less frequent until stopping altogether. At about the same time the intensity of my emotions diminished.
I did this a lot as child..I had a lot of trouble in school because I was constantly day dreaming; I would get called on and have no idea what the class had been talking about
What are you doing now? I’m really lost, I tried a levels and fell behind then I tried accountancy and I don’t like accountancy but I picked it for my family and I couldn’t do that on time because of daydreaming. Do you think it’s better for me to get a job with more physical Labour? I started exercising to get strong so I can do a trade maybe instead of everything being completely mental maybe that would help.
@@Rosie333Sophiai can resonates with that. My school and college days were utter failure even though i have the potential in studies. I did dropout my degree now i have been staying in home since 2020
Because in your daydreams you have full control of your inner life. I have maladaptive daydreaming. I can envision, in extreme any detail, any reality I wish at any time and it FEELS real. My biggest fear is forgetting how to enter my inner world forever.
Imaginations when you know how to control them fully will never die. But what scares me is one day going into my inner world but being unable to come out. Basically stuck in a coma-like state. I love imagination and my creative world, but I would (God forbid) rather die than be stuck in my mind for God knows how long
@@devionewilkins8903Nah, I’m with OP, I really don’t want to lose this, it’s my only means of control and trust me, I’ve tried coming back to reality out of peer pressure, it’s always way worse than I remember
I enjoy practicing and teaching intentional incubated lucid dreaming for fun, entertainment, future pacing, and problem solving. It’s lots of fun, for sure! As always, thank you for the informative video Dr. Grande, I really, really appreciate it. ✨🙏✨ Gratefully, Dennis
YES! THANK YOU DR GRANDE!! I have this issue, and it is definitely correlated with my OSDD/DID diagnosis. I've learned recently that adults who experience NDE's are more prone to issues like maladaptive daydreaming as well!
I twist my hair and daydream, it’s a comfort thing. I don’t have stories, just lost in thought or not. I always describe it as relaxed feeling of a massage or someone brushing my hair. I actually enjoy but some make fun of me for twirling my hair.
I'm never Not daydreaming... I use it for "what if" processing to playout potential outcomes, assisting in decision making... I also tend to run a second storyline in my head when rereading a favorite work of fiction, inserting a character based on myself onto the story... for me, it helps fleshout the story... I tend to pick up on subtleties most miss... I also use daydreaming for self improvement... replaying events making different choices for better outcomes. I'm thinking this would be "productive daydreaming" rather than "maladaptive daydreaming"...
I've been daydreaming my whole life, but recently it has gotten worse, to a point that I am no longer aware of reality and when I "wake up " from the daydream I feel deeply saddened and depressed. Reality sucks.
I'm 15 and I had started daydreaming frequently 2 years ago(I CAN'T stop) And seeing those comments of some people who are in there 40 or 30 and are still daydreaming & it took their lives kind of terrified me
Its escape, for me from childhood. My own holodeck. Keeps me occupied for hours in my own matrix. Also think it's following the dopamine for my adhd brain.
I work with students with disabilities and I haven’t heard about this until today. Educators typically lump inattention into adhd/add. But some of my students are so ‘lost’ in their own worlds that they act out as if they’re defending themselves, when repeatedly prompted to pay attention.
I thought I was the only one. Just last night I found out that it can result from trauma of some kind. I didn’t have a bad childhood, but did have it’s moments. The Loneliness, Sensitivity, Intimidation of obstacles, and Low Self Esteem can really have an effect on a kid. I just didn’t know it can develop so early in childhood. Fantasizing My Family back together instead of going to two different homes and wanting your divorced parents to just sit down and have a normal conversation. Your siblings being mean to you for no reason. They still love me though, but have a hard way of showing it. Little affection by my mother made me chase after people for motherly support. So I envisioned someone to love me as a son. And my love life? One of the major things too. I already couldn’t get no one so daydreaming was an only option and coping mechanism. I’m in the Process of Being delivered from this disorder. Praying and worshipping God have gave me some resistance, but it’s still not away fully. Can’t give up though. I still have trust that God Will deliver me from this.🙏🏿. Or else I (God forbid) daydream one day and might not come back to reality. There’s stories of people actually dying in their sleep. Can daydreams do that to you?😳
i maladaptively daydream as well but it wasnt bc of some childhood trauma or anything of the sorts. it was just bc i was lonely. i used to daydream a regular amount as a kid but know it has escalated into maladaptive daydreaming and it started when i was about 13/14 in quarantine. although i dont necessarily see it as a bad thing, there are times where i snap out of my daydreams and realize that im literally pacing around my room and talking to myself like a weirdo. i also felt somewhat alone in this struggle bc i didnt know that others struggled with this and obviously no one would willingly tell anyone about this bc, well- its embarrassing. i also tend to smile and laugh at myself a lot (especially in public where i think no one is watching) bc im so immersed in these daydreams, its like i prfer them over real life interactions. i too am also a christian and i pray that God delivers me from these useless/unmotivating daydreams that i usually have (about celebrities, future boyfriends, etc) and allows me to think only about him. im praying for your deliverance as well :)
For the people asking "why don't you just stop" I myself have a really severe case of maladaptive daydreaming so much so that my legs are rotted together from just daydreaming everyday for 14 hours straight. So I became kind of a weird person and I will say it's so hard to stop. It is everything to your soul. It is an unexplainable feeling once you start daydreaming you just can't go back and you don't want to either. But it does stop you from living in the real world. But eventually you're going to question that and say, but it's so much better than living in the real world. So therefore by a choice I'm going to take this choice And not live here and that's how every moment of my life has been. But also it helped me wrote a book and jump start my business and be everything I've always wanted to be. But It's also is mentally and clinically destroying. I'm mentally disabled and now physically disabled. Yeah it's fucking impossible for me to stop without going to a mental hospital.
A few years ago, I realised my daydreams were causing me to be unproductive. To cope with this, I daydreamed about fictional idols that made my mind want to be like these gods. It has helped improve productivity
I am 18 year old and i feel like i am doing this from my childhood like from 4-5 years and it increasing day by day I have a whole story line in my mind where i don't feel alone and distress I have my own fantasies I don't feel ashamed of it but i want it to be end now. 😢
To everyone in the comments, may the Lord be your comfort. I’ve developed this about 4-5 years ago. It was the only way I could feel happy but at 13 Jesus came into my life. I didn’t accept him then because I was so in love with my coping mechanism and the first thing I thought of when it came to Christ was giving up that sin. It hurt so much because that’s all I wanted, which then stemmed to anxiety and eye problems. Understand, If you have to constantly go back to something for pleasure, it is not love nor is it satisfaction. Get in a quiet place and tell Jesus exactly how you feel about the mechanism and why you love it. He is Just enough to not only forgive you but heal you of those traumas. (I can’t push religion on anyone because Christianity is a relationship with God; nor am I telling anyone what to do, this is a simple SUGGESTION. If you don’t agree, then you don’t. I love you all and so does The Lord; Our Creator. God bless 🩷🩷🩷
I literally thought I was so different ever since I was super little and I’ll be 30 in February. I heard about this earlier today… and just wow, I never knew how to explain it and it was a relief to randomly figure out what it is! I still have it to this day. It’s been such a big part of my life, it’s just apart of me in a strange way.
I do t think I daydream but I will doodle on a piece of paper and it makes me feel better too! I remember in college a guy friend was over and I felt I needed to just doodle and he pointed out that I was doodling 😅 I felt like a child 😂 it doesn’t help me though to get my energy flowing ❤
I worked at a company where several of the employees with professional degrees were in the habit of doing this. One of my supervisors would draw elaborate doodles. I asked her if I could have it. I blew it up on the copier and showed it to her. I told her, if you could supersize this and add some color, you could sell this as modern art. I never saw her doodling again.
This use to happen to me all the time from early childhood to early adulthood They felt so real I'd end up confused everytime I woke out of it because I'd completely forget what was happening irl I always got told it was my fault when I'd ask about it 🙄 got diagnosed with ADHD a couple years ago and it made all of it make a lot of sense
I have a memory of an intense day dream I had in my high school accounting class. Every single time I sat in that particular class I just stared out the window. (This was when schools had very large windows and high ceilings.) It's weird to me because I don't believe I did this any other time in my life.
Pacing. Onset at...10ish? At first just at night, then in the day. If I was actively engaged in something like school or work, I was fine, but by myself I would daydream with pacing. If family noticed, I would briefly sit and rock instead. I had so much energy I felt like I would vibrate from my skin if I didn't move. I would pace for hours. The amount of downstairs neighbors I have irritated is embarrassing. I had a job where I was mostly isolated with no supervision and I would lose myself AT WORK. If I was in a class that didn't interest me, I would drift. Trying to write a paper was infuriating because I NEEDED to take a daydream break or I would stress out and cry. College was a nightmare. I dropped out. I need to be actively engaged in specific ways to distract my brain from daydreaming. Anxiety medication helped give me a baseline. That 1st year on meds was beautiful. Currently, I only have 30 days in a year that I daydream, only for 1 hour tops per day. Having a job with multiple positions that I switch through each day really works to tire my brain out.
I as a 1st and 2nd grader I was told I day dreamed in class instead of paying attention to the teacher I remember having this feeling of extreme comfort and when it ended I was in school Of which I hated bc I didn't learn like everyone in the room so I was troubled
it's really more of a hobby. Entering the daydream doesn't require total attention, and (in my experience) it in no way removes normal function, nor does it distract me from my daily life. The experience of telling a story In my head that I can sense and experience much like a movie is very important to me, losing it would be like losing a form of introspection. I fear losing it, not getting lost in it. To individuals that have this do not let it go to waste, it's a unique and powerful form of escapism. With awareness and self-control, it will not ruin or dictate your life, much like any other vice.
Dr. Grande, I wonder about younger people who spend their free time living in online games like Skyrim for example. Do you think it could have long term negative effects?
I find weed helps, im always stoned and my daydreaming has gotten so much better. I used to have such a hard time falling asleep as a kid/teen, until I was 19 and became a stoner to help with sleep and anxiety.
Once my eyes move it's over the feeling will disappear Since I've been an adult Never had that again Every now and then it happened in teens Pretty much ended in pre teen life So many bad things was going on at that time it disappeared
Ive had this since i can rememebr really. But i only do it on my own. I could only do it with a perfectly ripped square of cardboard. My plots etc was so detailed and music was a big trigger. Im now 31. I dont really do it anymore. I used to spend hours and hours as a child lost in it. I tried speaking to my psych about it but they are completrly clueless.
I have a schizophrenic parent, and am very scared the worlds will blur for me in the future. A am VERY addicted to day dreaming and do it several hours to all day, everyday for the last 15 years (25 now). Excluding work and the times in my life I studied. It has consequently caused me a lot of damage, however I'm so far embedded in this delusion coping mechanism. I find it excruciatingly difficult to function aside from working 4x a week, which means my personal life has been neglected. I have no personality, significant life experiences, dating/social experiences, other than feelings like a complete failure and hating myself everyday. I merely tolerate my existence and can perform satisfactory within the constraints of work/social setting, but once left to my own device I'm a rotting neurotic mess.
I have tricotillomania (spelling) and it definitely seems to be triggered when I daydream and the other way around. I also do lucid dream. I’ll start wondering off in my mind and 10 minutes later I have no eyelashes 😢
After getting lab results, I started taking a vitamin multi- B supplement, my nail picking, hair pulling, eye twitching, and intense irritability were 99% reduced.
Can you cover dissociative and depersonalization states? I have these pretty frequently, plus petit Mal seizures due to severe abuse when I was young. I wish I knew how to control it.
Did this a lot in teen years. It happened a lot during being on a swinger and jumping on a trampoline. Less frequent now but still happens when I exercise.
I genuinely feel like I have mild version with this. 😅 Aside from the lucid dreaming, I don't have the fear, stress, and interference to functioning and repetitive movements parts.
Jordan Peterson stated that genuine creativity is damn rare. By social norms it is understandable why this would be a maladaptive trait. Asking to what degree does this activity affect daily life is sensible question.
I used to do this a lot but not quite this extreme. Maybe all I had was mind wandering. I did get lost in thoughts which wasted time, and they were difficult to break out of. People used to say I was aloof. I've never had trigger movements before or after though
I fantasise about a world where I am Wealthy and Attractive, but I am also a Psychotic Killer. That fantasy relieves me of the constant murderous fantasies that I have. Anything bad happens and I spiral down in Insanity due to my PTSD.
This is fascinating. I never heard of this. I do not have this, but most people in the comments seem to think everyone does this or has this. not true.
I have OCD, ASD, and _seemingly_ Maladaptive Daydreaming. I don't trust myself to know whether I do or not, especially because my OCD tricks me. So to ask directly, what is the difference between MD and a minor "normal" case of being in your own little world (emphasis on little). Let's put it this way: I do not let my imagination and daydreams interfere with my actions, tasks, and interactions with people. Nobody would be able to tell. One of the main reasons for my supposed MD is my thirst to be something special to my half-sister's family. I've always been jealous of her, and I don't have a paternal side, or a dad. That's when the potential MD "games" started. My role is the hero/protagonist in my fictional story, that comes from their point of view (it's a hypothetical _"if they saw me as this"_ game. It's complicated. Is there anyone who understands so far?
This is so hard cause fantasy can feel real but obviously you know it's not. The worst part is people seeing you meanwhile you daydream. It's just awkward af. I think mine developed due to not socialing enough and locked in room for so long. I had other stuff going on that I had to IMAGINE to provide myself with happiness
Huh. I kinda do this, I’ve never heard it described before, I’ve always thought of it as writing stores in my head I sometimes can’t focus on work because I want to think about the story I’m “writing in my head” but don’t have the other symptoms. Huh - going to have to think about this. I bet I waste a lot of time doing it. And while I think about writing it (as a novel) I don’t actually write it. I do sketch out pictures of it sometimes
I tend to create characters and then daydream about them, but I rarely draw them or write about them. Maybe doing so would help to get them out of my head? I don't think I have a disorder, but it does distress me that I have these ideas and don't do anything with them. :/
What does it mean if you unintentionally daydream and you begin to believe it for reality but only for a few seconds. And it messes work your perception of time. For example, today when I was on the train, I was daydreaming about a random character who needs to be found and it was if I was half way through a movie in my mind and when I came back to reality I tried hard to think who is was and why they needed to be found but I couldn't. It's like I woke up from a dream I couldn't remember but I was daydreaming and awake the entire time... Legit feel like I'm going crazy sometimes
Virtually everyone experiences wandering thoughts and daydreams. Some advanced meditators actuallly find it as impossible to got with thoughts or to get lost in thoughts as most people find it impossible to stop doing so.
I used to do this every day in my childhood. It got to the point where if I didn’t do it I would feel restless and irritable. It had conditions though. I would have to be out in my childhood backyard with some sort of toy (normally toys that I felt a special connection to) I would go outside and do laps around my playset thing for literal hours, making up characters and intense storylines. I didn’t even use the toy I would just hold it. I pretty much stopped doing it after I turned 12, I just slowly stopped doing it less and less. Is this maladaptive daydreaming?
i do this all the time and this has been a thing for me since i was about 13 since i was lonely in quarantine. i dont know how to stop and i would like for you to make a video about how to control it.
I called it fantasia dysplasia....it works better than real life. My fear is the losing control of my escape fantasy & facing daily reality Is this the new meta verse?
Have you ever looked into death of Eli Washtock. He was born Craig Washtock, but changed his name to Eli. He lived in World Golf Village in St Johns County FL. He had 2 children. His son found him shot to death in his father’s condo. It is a homicide.
I’m autistic and I do this ironically as a way to *gain* control and autonomy because the outside world is a chaotic, sensory/information hellscape that I literally don’t have the mental capacity to tolerate.
Remind us of a certain character in the news lately? Although this particular character beings it forth into statements as though they are facts: George Santos.
What is it when one does the opposite and doesn't think about anything for most of the whole day, and sometimes needs to see people in order to have some human interactions and something to think about later?
