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What is Reparenting in Therapy? | Kati Morton

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There can be many reasons we may want to try out reparenting, it could be past abuse, constant criticism from a parent, getting bullied at school, having to move a lot and change schools, being in the foster care system...The reasons are endless, but what we are doing is trying to find that hurt child within us and help it feel heard and cared for. Because if we haven’t done that we may find ourselves flying off the handle at the smallest trigger, dissociating a lot, or even ending relationships over silly or insignificant disagreements (even though they feel like big deals to us at the time (or more accurately, they feel big and important to our inner child). And that automatic response is because something touched on that hurt inner child of ours, and it responds as such. It could make us want to throw a fit, yell loudly at a stranger, tell a close friend or loved one that we don’t want to see them ever again.. We are acting out of that hurt inner child. I just say all of that so you know that NO you aren’t crazy, you were just hurt when you were younger and we have to take the time to heal from it.
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Опубликовано:

29 авг 2024

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Комментарии : 481

@kaitlincarr2990 5 лет назад

Learning to acknowledge and love my inner child as a “separate person” has been CRUCIAL for my therapeutic journey. I wouldn’t be where I am today if I couldn’t say out loud to myself “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay. I’m going to take care of you”

@Katimorton 5 лет назад

Thank you SO much for sharing!!! That is so helpful :) xoxox

@BethGreenwood 5 лет назад

This is so inspiring. I’m nowhere near where you are on my therapeutic journey and I need to re-parent/re-mother myself, I hope I can be like you one day ❤️

@niknik.z 5 лет назад

Kaitlin Fleet 👏👏👏😊

@justmeemi6350 5 лет назад

I've done the same thing, kinda helped me too :)

@kaitlincarr2990 5 лет назад

Beth Greenwood you’ve got this! Have patience and take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. 💛💛

@stephsteph47 4 года назад

I do not, under any circumstances, want my therapist to hold or feed me 😂

@psychologicalawareness3672 3 года назад

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@feiwaan 3 года назад

😂😂😂😂

@annellealexander4025 3 года назад

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this made my afternoon.

@politereminder6284 3 года назад

@lovely morning star yup!

@toa9194 3 года назад

Just imagining that made me sooo uncomfortable.

@Katimorton 5 лет назад

Thank you all for hanging out with me!! So glad you enjoyed the video and the premier!!! xoxo

@throughrose-colouredeyes6284 5 лет назад

thankYOU for sharing this with us, along with your time. you are very much appreciated in this weird world.

@CarlsCozyCorner 5 лет назад

Totally unrelated, but can you give some tips to practice positive self-talk without feeling stupid or silly about it and end up just going back to the "normal you" that the negative voice tells you is normal. That's a problem I have a lot. Thanks!♡

@melissahatfield2475 5 лет назад

Hey Kati thank you for the great video u prob won’t see this but I just wanted to say your amazing u help me understand life just a little bit more u inspire me to help other people and if it be alright I’d like to chat with u one day. Thankyou again u mean a lot to me❤️

@silentscream6483 5 лет назад

hey katie can u do videos about long distance relationship like when ur partner expected u to meet them already n u couldnt n its like they r not interested as much like before n r distant bc o lf it can u pls help with that n talk about it?

@BrenMurphy1 Год назад

You have amazing insight!

@ellentevault3372 5 лет назад

My previous therapist had me talk to an empty chair as if my inner child sat there. Since I judge myself stronger than others, it helped to think of my inner child as separate from me. I learned how to talk to her and soothe her.

@dvdh4856 4 года назад

Katie: “Would petting a dog help?” Me: *nodding aggressively, feeling instantly 5 years old*

@blurglide 2 года назад

I love dogs because the dog was the only member of the household that seemed to care how I felt, or was happy to see me.

@mday3821 Год назад

Mine was a cat.

@fvvsantana 8 месяцев назад

@@blurglide I relate to that, except for the dog part

@remainingembers 5 лет назад

Man sometimes I daydream and get really emotional even imagining someone caring and being really emotionally available for me without a feeling of tension or immanent anger or something.... I'd probably benefit from this kind of thing

@janinewhite5438 4 года назад

I spent most of my life daydreaming about the same things 💗

@FullBoarDaniel 4 года назад

Me too

@RosheenQuynh 4 года назад

As a Maladaptive Daydreamer, this is what I do all the time but I end up imagining a romantic partner...

@satansdaughterofficial 4 года назад

Maladaptive daydreaming is a coping mechanism addiction which is not good, in long-term mala daydreaming will go worst and you can't control. ... it will eat you up, be careful.

@MissLaBoeuf 3 года назад

Haha same

@TheoCynical 5 лет назад

"It's not your fault". (Robin Williams, "Good Will Hunting")

@peregrination3643 4 года назад

That was such a powerful, relatable scene.

@hninoowai1431 4 года назад

This STATMENT speaks alot. I always heal with that statement from Good will hunting

@Handlewithluv 4 года назад

I always tell myself that over and over lol

@Ok-dn8js 3 года назад

After a year of reparenting myself, i feel like I’m living my authentic life. I know what’s best for me, I know how to take care of me, and I know how to treat me. It’s extremely difficult in the beginning. After treating myself like a piece of garbage for my entire life, I was resistant to changing those habits. It’s hard work, but wow it is rewarding

@1432amer 2 года назад

@Soo how did you begin? Starting and staying consistent is tough.

@k8tiebee 2 года назад

Amazing! I'm excited for my journey now 💕

@haileye2191 2 года назад

that’s excellent!

@PRoseLegendary 5 лет назад

My therapist gave me a task to write as my inner child, and to respond to my inner child. I've started a journal where I do this. My right hand is adult me, my left hand is child me. It's been really helpful and not as traumatic as I thought it would be and it's helped me remember some really positive things about my childhood, like the people who showed me they cared. My therapist also does meditation and visualisations where I go back and meet my inner child and give her what I needed. She taught me how to connect with that child part of me, and do it myself at home. It's been really powerful.

@hayleytearall 5 лет назад

Yessss I've done this writing to myself thing, it's really clever! Not a lot of research on it available but it definitely works!

@juleh4592 4 года назад

I have a question on the journaling- do you write it like a diary, like on monday the child writes and then on another day adult you writes back? Or do you write it like a real-time dialogue, where the child writes something and adult you immediately responds and then the child writes more and adult you responds again and so on...? I would like to try this method but I'm not sure how to do it.

@PRoseLegendary 4 года назад

@Jule H there are no rules. But I usually do it in real time. I also keep a journal on my phone to jot down thoughts I'm having. Eg my last journal entry was about feeling angry, yet just observing the feeling rather than acting out or suppressing it.

@kayceewhite 4 года назад

PRoseLegendary That’s awesome, I’m gonna try that as a journaling prompt, thank you for sharing ❤️☺️

@anu7982 4 года назад

@@PRoseLegendary I feel I am not even able to connect to my inner child even ,few years back I had this craving for affection and care ,but now I feel like I don't care anything . What I want only is some emotional connection and romance from a genuine partner . But I am not desperate to go for a partner for anything because I had a problem of attracting a narcissist to my life who resembled all the same behaviours of my toxic parents. But I have no side in me expecting anything from my parents ,but still I feel there are lot of things to be healed though not able to connect with my inner child. My childhood was traumatic though . Very abusive pattern of my parents which later brought same kind of people in relationships just to create the same emotional climate that I suffered in my house . How to handle this issue ?

@kassiefuller9729 5 лет назад

Could you talk about children of hoarders? And learning how to establish a normally-functioning household as an adult?

@_just_TK 5 лет назад

Kassie Fuller Kati hasn’t addressed this yet but she’s does have an amazing video on Hoarding, which may give some helpful tips! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Mgc_sql_dQE.html

@MrNioMoon 5 лет назад

Check out the low-waste movement.

@SEthroughoureyes 5 лет назад

Kassie Fuller I would love to see a video on this exact topic!!

@fionafiona1146 5 лет назад

(family) vologing is quite popular with people who want to establish an understanding of normal... Even when good examples (in the ideal they imply to be normal) are few and far between. Japanese people love reactions in screen with everything which I suppose puts a lot of things in perspective as much as my travelling abroad.

@Laalaalaa10 5 лет назад

I need this.

@realitytc 5 лет назад

I did a lot of inner child work in therapy around being able to celebrate. Something that was very healing for me was that my husband organized birthday parties starting with age 6 (on my 26th) to 18. Silly things like arcades, and princess parties. My friends and family were supportive & it meant a lot.

@hilaryquinlan837 Год назад

What a lovely story

@migs7220 Год назад

That's love. An ex jw here I am really looking for someone playful and fun loving like that.

@Creepsneakninja 5 лет назад

I couldn’t have my therapist be the caretaker. I would become way too attached and them feel abandoned again.

@Prettyordying 3 года назад

same here

@deen1927 3 года назад

It would creep me out.

@sweetnsoursassy 3 года назад

I remember being a child and be bullied by other kids. Even the teacher told me my drawing of a rainbow was the worst she ever seen. I was only 7 years old. Anyhow decided to bring out my inner child by drawing a rainbow and telling myself its ok if it isn't the best drawing.

@matthewdietzen6708 Год назад

Yes, it's telling that "bullying" is something assigned to children, but when you think about it, adults are the bigger bullies, only they are more sophisticated about it.

@starlingswallow 3 года назад

My inner child no longer sits in my parents lap (or anyone else) and begs them to tell me who I am! This neglect set me up to choose a covert Narc for a husband 😢 who I'm no longer with. I finally saw my self worth and left 💗

@kizwil98 5 лет назад

Even today Im still finding more buried trauma I didn't know that I had. I hadnt realised I only scratched the surface of trauma when my therapy began and now 10 years later Im still discovering triggers and side effects of my trauma. Thank you Katie for having so many insightful videos that sometimes make me realise things I didnt before about myself. You're doing amazing!

@hayleytearall 5 лет назад

Reparenting has basically been the key to everything for me 👌

@ryanleon288 5 лет назад

i can't tell if i have a right to say my mother was neglectful towards me or abusive. those words sound so strong. she always says im ungrateful or that i love to argue when im trying to stand up for myself in a calm way, or not even remotely coming near attacking her. its always the same. "you need to learn who you're talking to" apparently means i can never defend myself. but still im not sure. i don't feel connected to her at all.

@peacechickification 5 лет назад

Ryan Leon I’m no professional but that sounds like textbook abuse to me. Controlling someone’s reactions to escape responsibility of their own actions isn’t behaviour of a healthy person.

@sarahphillips8884 4 года назад

Ryan, I think we have the same parents...

@ranirathi3379 4 года назад

That's a pretty evasive way to shift blame - it is called gaslighting, making you question your perception of what happened, making you doubt what you feel. so not only is your self-esteem shattered, but you also become conditioned to not trust yourself :(

@cherie4665 3 года назад

I always ask myself the same question too. I need people to give me affirmation that my parents' actions are wrong and that I'm not "over-sensitive". I think around 24 I decided to cut off my emotional ties to my parents because they are always disrespectful, controlling and dismissive.

@PrettyPinkPeacock 2 года назад

My mum's like that and I've given up trying with her. You're not alone, you're not crazy, hope you find some way to deal with it. (For context, I'm 27.)

@sobersherpa 5 лет назад

I Re-parents-ed myself. My parents weren't really equipped or knowledgeable enough to be effective parents - subsequently I entered adulthood with emotional baggage and deep wounds. Complications of addiction with crippled my life for decades. Today I'm coming up on 5 years sober. I've healed my emotional wounds and subsequently shed the burden of my emotional baggage. Recovery I would end relationships over the smallest issues. My emotional vulnerability used to Cripple me in many ways - it was very damaging and hurtful to myself. Today I've learned how to create life lessons and teachable moments out of my past trials and tribulations. Happy joyous and free free at last free at last.

@_just_TK 5 лет назад

Sober Sherpa congrats on your recovery!!!

@sobersherpa 5 лет назад

@@_just_TK thank you very much much appreciated

@cerridwenrowan 5 лет назад

I found that as I grew and discovered more about myself as a person and a parent, I understood so much more about my mother, who absolutely loved me and did everything she could with what resources she had through some enormously challenging circumstances all while dealing with her own traumatic childhood, ADHD, Aspergers, PTSD, depression and anxiety (diagnosis' I share). Understanding her helped me a lot and led to forgiveness and acceptance for both of us. We have journeyed long together and on our own to a loving, if non traditional relationship. One of the biggest compliments she has ever given me is "I wish you had been my mother" how amazing is that? 💕

@songfreak1745 5 лет назад

Wow that is INCREDIBLE and I am just so glad you got there

@LaCurlySue562 4 года назад

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

@storytellerhut3488 5 лет назад

This is such a big thing! My therapist practiced this with me but didn’t call it that, she just had me work on seeing my inner child and not treating her the same way my abusers had. It is still really difficult for me, often watching my friends parent their kids is really helpful to me to see this is what I was missing here, this is how I can comfort that little child in me.

@nimrodgrrrl 5 лет назад

I feel like I’ve been subconsciously acting as my own parent on and off for a while now, I didn’t realise it was an actual therapeutic technique that I could actually learn and apply on a larger scale. Thank u Kati! 💞

@gabrieltulliani2646 5 лет назад

I was abused as a child, and sometimes it's hard to learn right from wrong. I love your videos kati because when i used to battle depression i used tk watch your videos, and they would help a lot😊 im so happy to know you because you are one very important person in my life eventhough we don't really know eachother in person❤❤ i love you lots kati, and thank you for your awesome vids!😊😊

@j_freed 5 лет назад

I think this is so important: *part of us can only be healed from what our 'inner child' sees* - a child simply sees evidence of love, caring, nurturing support and relative stability / order / healthy vision of life. So *if our external life looks more the opposite of those things, ie. chaos and self-denial and neglect, then that's something outside of ourselves we can fairly easily change right away* to begin to change what is inside of ourselves. Our 'child' then sees the new evidence of love and support that now exists, even in simple things that are in our immediate reach. Because time doesn't heal everything, and to hope for absent parents to return and heal us is to wait for eternity.

@merylcho8361 4 года назад

Hey Kati I'm a college freshman living in south korea,and I just moved out from my parents' home. I wanted to say thank you for making this video because I had trouble understanding what my therapist meant by self-parenting. I knew that something was wrong with me the whole time in my childhood and as soon as I moved out I got a part time job to get a mental therapy. I couldn't get money from my parents because they thought I was just acting weird while everything was working just fine. I ran out of money after I got two sessions of mental treatment, just when the real sessions for self-parenting was about to begin...so I was desperately wondering how it actually worked; i needed more explanations. And today I found this video. I found all these comments that I want to say thank you too for sharing their experiences..I really just wanted to say thank you. I was feeling so helpless and lonely.

@altheaunertl 5 лет назад

My mother (with whom I have a great relationship) would always bring me water (and then offer me food) when I was upset. Now, when I feel bad, water has been my go to. It makes me stop for a second and regulate my breath. Water has actually become the best thing for getting me out of a dissociative episode-- I run it over my hands or on my face to ground myself.

@ziggilypiggily Год назад

This is good to know! Even as a child I always wondered what functional family does in times of stress. Putting it on my list of ways to parent myself. :)

@ImagesofJosephSmithJun. 5 лет назад

You can do this just with your imagination, imagine the parent helping/comforting you, or just acting remotely normal, as you see on a tv show of “normal” parents. I believe this is why watching tv is so soothing, we can get lost in our imagination of a “better” life, but living it out by being that compassionate person you wished you had in your life is also extremely helpful and uplifting.

@msfidgetteach 5 лет назад

Reparenting is such a good tool and it pairs well with trauma. Usually my therapist will ask me to respond to my younger self or tell her what she needs to hear.

@leejohnson982 5 лет назад

I've been trying this on myself over the last few months without realising it was an actual thing. Good to know I'm not just grasping at straws :)

@kimberlyharrison679 5 лет назад

Thank you Kati for just being you❤️

@Katimorton 5 лет назад

Awe thanks for the sweet comment Kimberly :) xoxox

@sweetpixiesticks2965 5 лет назад

Hi Kati! I struggled all through my middle school years with self harm and an eating disorder. One of my teachers sort of made me talk to the school counselor. It took a while for me to feel comfortable talking to her but once I did we developed a really close relationship. She helped me so much through things my parents refused to talk about. However, at the end of 7th grade (our middle school was grades 6-8) she moved to a different school. This made me really upset and I even ended up relapsing. On the last day of school she left me a card and told me to open it whenever I wasn’t doing so well and needed to talk to her. One day I opened it and it had her new school email in it. We talked through email for a long time and she helped me through it all again. Now I’m in high school and am looking to go into phsyciatry because of how helpful she was for me and I would really like to do the same for anyone I could. That being said, do you have any tips or pieces of advice for me going into this career?

@_just_TK 5 лет назад

SweetPixieSticks !! That’s so awesome that you had such a great counselor! Kati has an entire playlist on being a patient therapist, check it out! ru-vid.com/group/PL_loxoCVsWqyHKgaVlKKI6Rop25sNu12O

@lisasnoozy3749 5 лет назад

Going through this right now combined with my trauma therapy. My therapist is very kind and after I journal or talk about a flashback she has me write a letter to myself as a child. Thank you for posting this Kati! It helps me understand more why we have been doing the work and homework she gives me.

@Ashley0491 5 лет назад

Feed you, and hold you... I don’t know how I feel about that.

@victoriapeay3019 4 года назад

Yeahhhh... that sounds weird af 😂

@debbeylukas5872 4 года назад

Ashley Murray yeah there was a Law and Order SVU about this...it did not end well on the show

@Laura-vc7er 4 года назад

Yeahhhhh.....that is weird and way over the line. Like, dang.

@deen1927 3 года назад

That's probably why she doesn't recommend it. It would creep me out.

@ziggilypiggily Год назад

yeah, good thing she went on to her preferred version of reparenting.

@hayleymeyer 5 лет назад

I love your videos, they are always so informative!!

@Katimorton 5 лет назад

Awe thanks!!! I am so glad you enjoy them :) oxox

@amyegan24 5 лет назад

I’m grateful for Kati and my amazing therapist ❤️

@daniellehammerova148 3 года назад

I honestly have to watch these videos with pauses because I just cry uncontrollably.

@sprncssrdr 5 лет назад

I have found that parenting my own children is helping me parent my inner child as well. I'm just barely scratching the surface through talk therapy and EMDR but being in this dual role of mother and daughter has brought up a lot of triggers that had been carefully tucked away for a long time.

@msxeunybunxy 4 года назад

She’s SO smart and talented. I love what she does. She’s helping so many people, and this is so helpful.

@MissAlii432 3 года назад

The mom feeding her daughter scene in To the Bone had my inner child crying hysterically. I didn’t understand why it hit me so hard until watching this

@brookerickert4046 5 лет назад

So excited to research this topic further. Your channel is one of the ones that inspires me to make my own mental health videos...thank you for that!!

@anthonyramirez7272 5 лет назад

This video came at a really good time. My therapist and I are working on this right now and I feel like my trigger is when I feel overlooked. Thanks, Kati :0)

@jasonleeauthor2036 Год назад

Your content is excellent, but i want to say your delivery Kati is so approachable, relatable and down-to-earth (even your little out-take at the end!). The combination of helpful information + delivery makes your videos exceptionally effective. Thank you!

@pattyolson3842 5 лет назад

I've worked on reparenting in therapy with my inner child and it was really helpful. My therapist helped me access my inner child self and guided me in what to say and how to comfort my inner child. I didn't practice enough on my own, but I could tell when I was oozing or acting out. That frustrated me and I let my therapist know. We had a great connection and worked well together.

@MSkwar 5 лет назад

Idk what to say. Your channel is amazing, Kati. Thanks so much for what you do.

@j_the_yeet_gamer7947 5 лет назад

i really believe in reparenting. i used to get really dependant on people. i suffered significant repeated trauma when i was younger and only recalled it all a few years ago. once it started coming to the surface with a trusted friend, who was also a counsellor, a lot of it i couldn't speak through and felt so young. but if she hadn't been able to hold me through it and reparent me to some extent, i dont think that i would have ever been able to reparent myself. i totally agree, however, that it is really risky and dangerous. i tried, without meaning to or being aware of it, to find a ''parent' and it was only when someone safe who was able to see me through and out the other side was it able to work. i went through many a broken relationship/friendship and a MASSIVE lot of pain before i got to the right person, so i strongly suggest you go through this in a professional relationship, NOT a friend or a well meaning individual.

@cocoon9541 5 лет назад

I love your backdrop with the art :)

@Katimorton 5 лет назад

Awe thanks!! xoxo

@ethancole4666 5 лет назад

Over 1200 videos, wow! Thank you for all of your hard work, I know it has helped me and I am sure many others.

@user-vk1pz7ry1l 5 лет назад

I love how you're still so connected to your subscribers though your channel became really big. That's rather rare, but I think you're doing such an amazing job💖

@_just_TK 5 лет назад

123 456 she’s super active on her Patreon and does monthly livestreams on there answering questions! If ur interested ck it out at www.patreon.com/katimorton

@ManjuKannan23 5 лет назад

Love this video they talk about this in ACA . 12 step meetings help a lot ! Adult children of alcoholics and dysfunctional homes! I love this program ! I try and do it on my own and work on healing . Loving affrimations and talking to our inner child when we feel abandoned . I call a fellow traveler .

@annafalaxis3 5 лет назад

My first year of therapy my psychologist suggested that I learn to 'reparent' myself and I had no idea how to even begin to do that. I am still struggling to do this but I am trying my best. I think by giving my daughter the things I needed as a child it is helping me cope. Thank you for these videos!

@idahofarmgal2331 5 лет назад

Kudos! When I had my boys, I swore that I was going to give them all of the love and compassion that I was never given. It works. I believe I was a darned good parent to my boys and I think they'd agree. My innate ability to rebel against the cause (me not be what my mother was) is what protected the circle I created for my children. They are strong, healthy, well-adjusted young men who tell people they love their mama and that Mama gave them all the love they could handle. Using this tactic wont fix what happened in the past but it reinforces that you are 100 times better that what example you were given to follow. Power to you and your daughter. I wish you only and all of the best. 💖💖💖💖 PS) I LOVE your screen name. Very clever. 😉 I have that reaction to the anti-nausea pill Compazine.

@ziggilypiggily Год назад

My therapist has told me the same thing....and I don't have clue what to do. So I'm starting here...reading through all the comments for ideas and making a list.

@katiebwheeler 5 лет назад

Didn't have a name to give it but my counselor has been helping me do this along side EMDR therapy. I don't think EMDR would be helping with my complex PTSD as much as it is if she hadn't helped me go back and connect with child me and begin to acknowledge and work thru the hurt that happened when I was young.... It's kinda crazy to me how much seemingly little things from when we were young children can play such a huge role in shaping and forming who we are as adults....

@idahofarmgal2331 5 лет назад

Wow. What are your feelings on EMDR? I had a couple of sessions years ago and after the second one, it took me 2 hours just to get out of the parking lot in front of the therapists office. My experience wasn't good but I'd love to hear if yours is working for you.

@gabriellarenee3746 5 лет назад

i work on reparenting with my therapist and it really is wonderful

@idahofarmgal2331 5 лет назад

This concept is big for me. My abuser in multiple forms was my mother (neglectful, physically, emotionally, etc.). The fact that she's dead now (cancer) takes care of 50% of my issues but the residual garbage that she left is still around. Yes, I currently have a therapist but 're-parenting' sounds like something I'd like to discuss with him. He has 32 years experience in the field so I'm sure he's heard of it or has implemented it. Also, not so much my inner child as a separate person but the angry, aggressive, vengeful side of me is my 'monster'. As long as it's locked up in its cage it's harmless. My therapy is geared around learning ways to KEEP it locked up. I'm also learning that this is a part of dissociation. In the past when the monster would break out of its cage, I'd end up arrested, in court and sometimes in the hospital for something either physical or mental. Today, I/we work really hard to keep the monster locked up and harmless. I still go through depression, anxiety and irrational fear and hopelessness but at least I've found constructive ways to handle a potential flare up, i.e., so that the monster doesn't break out and wreak havoc on society.

@yin7260 5 лет назад

The more I know about the healthy relationships with myself or people the more I realise I have so much work to do on this subject... Even my parents relationship seem toxic to me now, I have never thought that so many people live the menatly unhealthy life 😕 its plain sad, somehow I only want to heal and love myself the right way, finding someone who's healthy to my mind seems such a hard thing to achieve..

@noracola5285 5 лет назад

I was so relieved when you said we reparent ourselves; the thought of someone else trying it was starting to freak me out a little.

@sherrygeorge8613 4 года назад

I learned about reparenting in therapy. I have found this helpful. When I am upset I tell myself that everything is going to be ok. I am here.

@TheMelody1118 5 лет назад

Thank you for this video. I’ve never heard of this concept before and I’m excited to explore it. ❤️

@sophie-jodukes5553 5 лет назад

Can you do a video on independent living with mental health problems

@hninoowai1431 4 года назад

woww good question! I am hoping it too!

@Katia-tb4vk 4 года назад

I’m glad that Kati said she doesn’t like the “surrogate parent” therapist approach. I had a therapist who would scream and yell at me, then non-consentually hold (grab) and smother me, rocking me as if she were my mom. I hated all of it. It felt so icky and horrible. I’m in the process now of reporting her... I love re-parenting myself though! Creating a nurturing voice for my inner child & practicing systems that help me feel safe.

@DartmoorPaul 2 года назад

Hi Kati. Newcomer to your channel & going through therapy myself & finally broke at Christmas following continued abuse from my narcissistic mum & golden child brother. I’m 54 & struggling with no contact/ trauma bond & your videos are a great source of comfort and therapy. Thank You 🙏

@John26767 Год назад

I'm not a health professional etc. but I would like to share my thoughts regarding regression if I may... It's not about regressing someone to a childhood dependency, but instead comparing notes and re-building mind-sets, understandings of a healthy upbringing and filling in the gaps of emotional needs along the way. In the case of trauma, neglect, bullying etc. gaps in emotional understanding and development can be filled in and anything that someone wasn't equipped to deal with at the time can now be approached again psychologically using a lean-on effect, allowing that trauma to now be processed, correctly addressed and moved on from. There's a lean-on effect, but not a dependency and this in my opinion is a somewhat Spiritual approach (there's more going on than meets the eye). The outcome from this healthy re-education, as well as filling in the emotional blanks is one of a healthy self perception, self-pride, self-assurance, self-worth, a understanding of who they are as a person, where there strengths lay and their potential positive influence in life, this World, their relationships etc. I can't help but think the approach you mentioned (safe place) is little more than coping strategies, which never address core issues and in terms of learning from mistakes a very lengthy and painful process which may never yield the results someone needs. As I say these are just my thoughts and I'm no health professional, therapist etc...

@lagituaivaflinders6587 2 года назад

I love applying your perspective in a universal touch, I must agree with identifying where people are at in foster care or health care so that they can find someone to address it and you're right help them... Which will cause people to walk away from the whole shabang. What a waste

@cocochanel3544 5 лет назад

Thank you Kati. I hope this video helps. I've tried EVERYTHING. I have BPD and PTSD...in a word, its HORRIBLE. My thoughts, I've learned, are lying to me...alot. all day every day and as I spiral, I'm seeking help.

@_just_TK 5 лет назад

Coco Chanel so glad you’re seeking help! You may find Kati’s video on trusting ur thoughts helpful! ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-AD3jybhEbHQ.html

@cocochanel3544 5 лет назад

@@_just_TK thanks I'll check it out

@sophie-jodukes5553 5 лет назад

Also i agree that the technique with the therapist acting as the parent could be a bad idea coming from someone with attachment issues this could cause more damage in the long term

@cadencetempest3095 4 года назад

I'm learning that the non-fun way right now.

@mtex5020 5 месяцев назад

Hmmm I did this when I was a child. I thought we were supposed to give ourselves affirmation, love, & affection. I didn't know that those things could come from someone else until I was grown. I would tell myself words of affirmation & get my hugs from the sofa cushions. When my parents would say negative things to me or about me I just thought it was their opinion but didn't take it as "truth". That was a good lesson because I never let the opinions of others affect my view of myself.

@veryberry39 5 лет назад

I just found a book last night that talks about these child modes, and omg it was so good that instead of reading the online library book, I had to buy it. My therapist has uncovered some serious childhood issues, things I didn't even realize were wrong, so I'm soaking up all the info I can get on the subject!

@wetboy72 5 лет назад

Thank you, I spent most of last year doing this. Now I make time to look after my inner child. It helped me deal with some really bad trauma.

@samanthak9078 5 лет назад

This was a helpful and timely video. Thank you so much for posting this, Kati.

@zack-zn8fo 4 года назад

I've always had an inner dialogue going on that felt, like there were two sides of me. This video helped me understand that it's really just a dialogue between my current self and my hurt inner child. I would get frustrated with myself, because one side just wants to dissociate ALL the time. I think this video has given me enough insight for a better path forward, and has given me ideas on how to stop being at odds with myself. Thank you.

@Matinnnify 5 лет назад

You're so amazing ....so inspiring and so proud of your work. I am a counsellor in progress and have been learning so much from you

@mlighthart 5 лет назад

Goodness I wish there was a love instead of like button! This was another video that came at a time I needed it!!!

@teachpeoplehowtotreatyou8613 5 лет назад

Thank you so much for this video. Truly helpful and insightful. It's the first time I have heard of reparenting. Great work!

@hockinghillsalive3624 2 года назад

I appreciate you and your time, guidance and support.

@starlingswallow 3 года назад

EMDR therapy has been helpful 💗 Talking to my inner child....it's sooooo helpful! I can do all the things I want! I'm capable! I'm talented and able!

@karenadams8439 4 года назад

Now I understand why my therapist pushes me to color weekly when I am overwhelmed and when I need a social media break!

@RobVespa 5 лет назад

Thank you for producing and providing your content. You've helped a lot of people.

@janinewhite5438 4 года назад

Wow!!! I'm going through this feeling right now in EMDR. I find this so interesting. The fact that this could be the key to put a 28 year eating disorder completely behind me gives me hope 💗

@HerbertLandei Год назад

Only yesterday I discovered a new trauma of me, by something that triggered me. I grew up in East Germany, basically a Russian satellite state, and I didn't thought much of it. Sure, we hadn't as much fun as the Western kids, but I thought of it as okay, we had summer camps and vacation homes and stuff. Yesterday, someone in a forum asked quite provocative why the Ukrainians are still fighting, why they didn't stop the senseless killing. It hit me, this feeling of being caged in, of being spied on, of May parades in "pioneer" uniforms, of propaganda in the schools and on TV. So I sat there, a grown 49 year old man, and wrote a response to that post at 2am, trying to explain what these people are fighting for, and how it feels to live in an authoritarian country. And only when I went to bed, it dawned on me why this was so triggering for me, how I suppressed and rationalized my feelings about this time. It's a little bit like Stockholm syndrome. Many older people have what we call "eastaligia", a romanticized view of East Germany, and while I would never deny the dark sides of those times, I'm also somewhat guilty of this. One moment I want to "reparent" is standing with my grandma in the village of my mother's family at the border river, my grandma showing me the villages on the other side, where our relatives lived, and me feeling like in a cage. I often thought about this moment, but I never realized what it really stood for, the feeling of being locked in, the longing for visiting the other side, the feeling of being robbed of basic freedoms. I want to go back to that boy and tell him, that he will travel there soon, in just a few years. That he will see the world, America, Asia, Australia. That he will be free, that he can study what he wants, that he will have a good life.

@megyerizsuzsadora 10 месяцев назад

Hi there, thanks for sharing. I grew up in Hungary, my grandmother was a Schwab and her family got deported to the DDR. I can relate to what you say. I am 43 and have similar childhood memories. All the best.

@Spareaccount17066- 3 месяца назад

My therapist did this. I feared it was a temporary indulgence in nurturing that would ultimately cause more harm but i trusted them. They have presently been suspended (at least temporarily) while under investigation after i finally came forward. I should feel good about having my experience validated by the board… but i just miss them. That’s one of the problems with reparenting like this. The client remains dependent upon the ‘clinician.’

@Macgabi 5 лет назад

Wow haha just learning this with my counselor. Very comforting to see both you and her say the exact same things. Very reassuring! Especially about the fractured parts, and talking about the inner child.

@lunamorvran8202 7 месяцев назад

I had went through a lot of abuse as a kid. I often feel that although I have wounds and patterns from that it was the community reaction and my mom's reaction to finding out that truly set me up to feel that I can not trust people or myself. I don't feel I could really benefit much from digging into the abuse because it's very triggering to relive that. However it may be bennificial to explore being protected from it as well as being comforted and cared for by my adult self. I have a deep longing to be comforted and for my pain to be heard. Especially as my mom continues to lean on me for validation of her feelings of guilt and her need for validation about abuse that happened to her but also to me and my sisters. I tried reparenting in therapy mostly around the idea of being protected. I don't really know if it helped. I was reminded of the idea of reparenting from a book I am reading yesterday. And just tried the exercise in the book. It was not very successful I had trouble revisiting my child self it was hard to stay focused as many moments kept creeping up and the image of my child self kept jumping around in age. I think I will try a guided meditation to help focus me.

@tompalmer5986 5 лет назад

When I was growing up I really wanted some male bonding with my dad. Instead I got something different. It is extremely important for young boys to have positive male role models. If I ever had a son, which is very unlikely at my age, I would be sure to give him some male bonding.

@gracieb3736 5 лет назад

Wow that was an amazing video and something I had never thought about before! Fantastic as always!

@jtrujillo1985 3 года назад

Im not saying your wrong but the most peaceful times in my life and my kids' was when i mutually said "bye" to my family. Life was organized, air was different, my sons grades went up Tremendously (Honors Roll & even Principals Honors Roll once to be more specific), my daughter was a toddler but loved learning & helping me more, the stars were finally aligned in all areas. I think its what you said, i got to reparent myself thru parenting my kids how I'd have myself be parented 👩‍👧‍👦

@samuidesune 5 лет назад

'hokey-bajokey or woo-woo' :-) I like it. And nice video-solid as ever.

@shoeshoe8925 5 лет назад

Love this video! It is actually such a cool way to help when feeling overwhelmed! I am really going to try and reparent myself by imagining my inner child is another person!!! Thanks so much Kati xx

@panicnymph2783 5 лет назад

Thx Kati for all these videos. Helped me realize and analyze a lot of thing even tho I am not able to change them just yet

@kathrinjohnson2582 5 лет назад

You can NOT give what you do not have, so the idea that you can give your self something you never had is flawed. That " something" will have to come from some where externally ,wich leads to depends, or you're left with convincing the patient that they aren't without that "something "when they really are wich is not healthy .I'm sorry but, imo reparenting is a load of crap, but thank you for sharing it in such a compassionate and open minded way .I love how kind and caring you are .💗

@maggiek558 5 лет назад

Kathrin Johnson this is why people go to therapy, to learn. People also seek the thousands of resources online and in other interpersonal relationships. To say that a person is unable to learn something they "never had" leaves room for nothing but reinforcement of that belief. Reparenting is about awareness, which all of us posess and can learn. It's possible, and beneficial to listen to our hurts and confusions.

@illegal_juicebox 3 года назад

I'm not taking therapy, but through research, I noticed that I was reparenting. I have this parent like figure in my head and sometimes their responses is based off how I give advice to my friends, sometimes they are like a different person in my head. I'm in my teenage years, with mentally unstable parents, I struggle to do work and was bullied for it. (I have ADHD and I just researched how to control it just last year) I feel like the world is going to end every time I'm in a conflicted situation and I get suicidal during those situations, and thats when my parental figure comes to play, their there if im already highly or beginning to feel distressed. I'm still learning alot and I know I have alot to live for, it's just how my body reacts and I hate it.

@dancinginthedarknessxx5199 5 лет назад

Hey Kati, I know this is completely off topic, and I’m really sorry, but I don’t know what else to do. I work for a care at home company and I love my job but what I never anticipated is how much things would change all the time. Clients pass away, or move on into care homes, I guess the point that I’m getting to is I really struggle with change and I don’t know what causes it, my anxiety goes through the roof and I end up taking things out on the wrong people, I love my job and the people that I work with, but I can’t stop the negative thoughts that come along with change, it isn’t just in work it’s everyday small things too, I’m just so stuck, why can’t I just adapt to change normally? Help!

@brookerickert4046 5 лет назад

Adapting to change is really tough. While I don't have any answers for you, just know that you aren't alone!

@user-ci4nx6kj8n 5 лет назад

There’s a prayer called the Serenity Prayer, it goes like this: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can And wisdom to know the difference. Maybe ask yourself what you are really afraid of when things change. For example, are you afraid of having to connect with new people? Having to prove yourself all over again? Maybe also ask yourself, how have you coped with this in the past? You could also speak to a colleague about how you feel, because I’m sure you’re not alone. Find support that helps. And remember, every time you face these fears, your limits become just a little bit wider. There’s another amazing saying from Sun-Tzu (Taoism): In the midst of chaos, there is opportunity. Change is good. Change is life. Don’t be afraid.

@dancinginthedarknessxx5199 5 лет назад

I haven’t gone to therapy, I just haven’t been strong enough to do that, if all therapists were like Kati, I think we’d all go. But I just can’t seem to put a lid on the anxious feeling, and when things change it just seems to make everything worse. Thanks for the advice though, I do appreciate it.

@burritomaker69 5 лет назад

Thank you very much for this video. This really touched me on a personal level because I just got out of a relationship with a girl I was very in love with but had major issues with her father (he had alcohol issues). I feel like a lot of our relationship was with her inner child who was very hurt, scared, needing protection and love. But coherently that was a very hard thing for me to fix. It was a very rough road having that bourdon placed on me. I loved her with all I had in me and tried to help but it was never enough. So this really hit me. Thank you for this because honestly I felt guilty I just didn’t treat her good enough. Which to me explained all of the triggered moments, past traumas etc. But now I see it was her very hurt inner child.

@hairyfrankfurt 5 лет назад

Can you do a video on healing attachment styles? My anxious ambivalent attachment means I'm constantly re-living my turbulent relationship with my mother in romantic relationships and people with secure attachment seem to be unattractive to me unconsciously. I don't really get it, but I want to be able to find a healthy partner (if I can find a partner at all lol)

@_just_TK 5 лет назад

Hairyfrankfurt check out Kati’s attachment playlist! ru-vid.com/group/PL_loxoCVsWqzffYFNAe-xMdoAiQiE3H78

@burritomaker69 5 лет назад

I just got out of a relationship with someone with this attachment style. It lasted 2 years but oh boy was it difficult. I love her to death but yeah she became emotionally dependent on me so that’s why it ended. Good to see that you’re recognizing how your attachment style comes into play.

@patrickhanson712 5 лет назад

Pretty much my BPD and DBT concepts, and no a borderline cant get too emotional with their therapist, had a bad experience with that... I have heard of family systems, mentalization, schema and does surprise me some of the advocates for them are anti DBT, but after several months the mindfulness causes you to deal with the past... and sooo many of the skills taught are obviously targeted to help a wounded inner child and in fact dicipline yourself. How to stand up for yourself in a healthy boundry way.

@starlingswallow 3 года назад

I'm new! This is gold! You have GOLD here! 🤩🤩🤩

@flowerbuster2598 5 лет назад

Your something else I never met a therapist like you in real life🙃

@cd4536 5 лет назад

Katie, you have done some very good videos on bipolar disorder. Can you continue that with a video on bipolar in childhood?

@kylasanchez 5 лет назад

Your videos are very timely and helpful

@chey1037 4 года назад

I know I'm late to this video but I really appreciate you for teaching me little things I can bring to my therapist. This was incredibly helpful! Thank you Kati :)

@nitabsw33t Год назад

Thank you for saying that you do not recommend the therapist taking on the caregiver role. I believe it's so important for the client to become their own empowered caregiver for their inner child self. Attaching to a therapist as a caregiver has way too many negative implications.

@amorgan78 5 лет назад

This is really interesting. I was listening to therapist uncensored podcast (T102) and the guest seemed to firmly believe that reparenting your self is impossible. I think one of the reasons people get confused is because outwardly at least it seems as though there are a lot of different camps as to how to properly reparent and they are diametrically opposing

@ziggilypiggily Год назад

It's extremely hard, hard work. To be able to revisit the trauma without being retraumatized, at the same time as reparenting oneself has got to be a feat of huge proportions.

@msxeunybunxy 4 года назад

I love rewatching this video