Have you ever experienced when you stopped being good at something you had been good at? That's called skill regression and can happen to Autistic, ADHD, and other neurodivergent people.
I think an example of this would be in Avatar: the last air bender when Zuko switched to the “good side” and he lost his firebending for a moment, until he learned the true beginnings of firebending and unpacked some of his trauma. Before, his firebending was filled with hatred, and now that he was becoming more enlightened he lost that fire, and had to relearn firebending in a healthier way.
Wow thank you. I felt I was so much better at being a student and doing all sorts of things when I was in an abusive relationship. That ended and I began to heal, but I lost all my abilities and drive it seemed. I realized the reason I threw myself into the things I did was as a form of escapism. Once I didn’t need to escape, I lost the flow of doing all those things I thought I’d have more focus for. They’re still there, I just lost my way. Bridge is out. Have to build a new one. I no longer feel stupid.
Aww crap. I was all "great, that explains the crippling decline after diagnosis but it doesn't explain the gradual loss in skill I experienced for years before that...." And then the realization struck me. For years I had been living my life as an example to my sisters. Get decent grades. Graduate. Get excellent college grades. Get married. I tried to follow the traditional path as long as I could but eventually all the girls were out of high school, my marriage had fallen apart right after it started, and I moved 16 hours away. I was no longer being an example and slowly the skills and masks were slipping and how long had I been operating in complete burnout through this whole process while undiagnosed ADHD? So yeah, that theory makes a lot of sense.
@@ilikeshinyobjektsYes, because even before what I learned in this vid, what I have learned years ago about trauma, is that while you are still in the situation, you are living in survival mode. After you have escaped it is when all the trauma comes to the forefront, often when your mental health becomes much worse and the trauma can become overwhelming until you are able to heal which usually means the right therapy and a lot of time. Often means more nightmares & flashbacks, more insomnia and even more anxiety after you are out of survival mode/ living in the situation.
I needed to hear this, thanks. My audhd symptoms intensified after the diagnosis and I could not understand what's happening. This confusion brought imposter syndrome with it as well.
I'm still waiting on testing for audhd but something similarly happened when I was diagnosed with ptsd. Hoping I wont have to go thru this twice when I get tested but knowing my luck I probably will.
@@damiensebastianhopefully, the fact that, this time, with a second diagnosis, you can anticipate some things, you can also, potentially, put some supports in place that can help you deal with a possible, second diagnosis...and to also remind yourself to be kinder to yourself, this time around.
I’m so glad I found this. Not only do I understand skill regression better, I think that’s what I’m going through too as I’m in burnout mode and having trouble keeping up with basic hygiene, let alone attending classes and doing work
Same man. My schedule makes me take a shower so I don’t have too many problems with that as its well established but on the weekend or on break I don’t often do those things
I struggle so much with just getting up. If I could only get up as soon as my alarm goes off in the morning, I'd be able to do all the things I need to do in the morning and get to uni on time, but it's like there's a heavy boulder I have to lift every morning and I have to consciously remind myself of every reason I have to keep on going to finally get up
It feels like Zuko when he loses his fire bending because he's not angry anymore, but if he didn't have the dragons, Ran and Shaw, to open up a new path for him.
I feel like I had the opposite reaction to when I had my traumatic event. Before it, I was able to access this “zone” of creativity where I was creating for creativity’s sake, without pressure or judgement. It was a lot of pleasure. But after the event, I became anxious, self-conscious. It’s like I couldn’t access that same feeling of being in the zone anymore. I feel like I lost my skill and had been avoiding it for years, with occasional returns from time to time. The skill feels like it’s still there, but the mindset is different.
If you were using this as escapism of course it would make more sense that it's harder to do now that you don't feel the need to escape. When I went through this myself with my own healing. I had to learn to channel my creativity from positive emotions, and the feelings of freedom, Rather than bleeding out all of my emotional pain through my fingertips in my creative work.
Doesnt this just make sense, i dont even know if opposite is the right term. Like he talked about healing a trauma can break this off but im sure a trauma can rewire too and cause you to lose access to some skills that were present before the trauma. You’re traumatized now in a way that is getting you to avoid that familiar path, maybe because it feels less fulfilling or like it distracts you from your problems less?
IDk if this will help, but I know that when I went through a devastating trauma in 1996 I just lost my motivation and hope and really struggled to find a reason to keep going on the path I was on, eventually quitting altogether. I ended up settling into a completely different path/job and living a life that was similar on the outside, but very different internally - I was just mostly going through the motions and never got back to the same "person" that I had been. Eventually, I found a new purpose in my new son and built a new life. Even though I never returned to the same person I had been, I eventually morphed into a slightly different, calmer, kinder but less ambitious person with completely different priorities and motivations which helped me rejoin the world of living and do some positive things in different ways. My older children are very critical of this, but I am satisfied that my internal motivations are just as valid as my old ones. I wish I could change some of the lessons I taught them as a very young mother, but at the same time, I appreciate other things that I could probably no longer teach them. I am still struggling with some things in my life as I once again try to rebuild from a devastating loss a few years ago. But I think I can do it, therefore I probably will. I am also getting help through therapy though after a long time of getting ready to accept that help and realizing that I wasn't going to be able to do this on my own.
@@willburbur3793 I had a similar experience when I lost someone. All the things I had been working toward became part of what destroyed him in some ways. Like it was never going to be enough no matter how hard I worked - because people still fall through the cracks. and everything familiar felt like a betrayal or just wasn't the same... like familiar things brought sadness and loss instead of the pleasure, fun, or fulfillment it had done before the loss. It physically hurt to do or think of things that touched that part of me that was destroyed by my loss to the point where I just stopped
I had a major tramatic life event happen a few months ago, where my parent died and I had to move out of my home within a month. Since then my ability to self-regulate and take care of myself has been way worse. I was confused because I haven't been depressed enough to cause those changes (I'm on meds and go to therapy twice a week). Now I understand: a lot of those skills were intrinsically tied to my parent, so now I have to completely relearn it all without her. It sucks, but I'm relieved to know the reasons it's happening though. Thank you for helping me understand myself better! 💖
I didn't make the connection as to why I've been struggling so much after some major life changes, wondering how much of those skills I suddenly seemed to "lose" were tied to how I related to that person/people and no longer feeling the need for masking, like I did when they were around.... Thank you for your comment, Internet friend! My condolences and all the best of hopes for you 🌻
I think a better analogy would be using a big steel and concrete bridge to cross a river. But then this bridge thats always been there gets taken out by a tornado. Now you have to find a place where you can wade across the river, drag a rope bridge across, and use that while you slowly build a new steel and concrete bridge.
I like this!! BUT…the bridge wasn’t built correctly which is why it’s faulty and cracking and always was, covered only in plywood and props made to look like steel and concrete.
Watching this blew my mind minute by minute. It exactly explains the last six years of my life. I've read things about neuroplasticity before and schema theory and about neural remapping just over the last couple years but I've never seen it framed like this before. It all just clicked and I'm a bit sad that I had this information for a while but never put the pieces together. It explains why I'm so shit at everything now and I've lost the skills and functionality that I too vividly remember having in the past. I've spent these past years untangling the mess that was my childhood and the garbage values that were forced upon me and all these things that I've lost are inexplicitly tied to how I survived in that environment. I spiraled horribly when I realized I'd lost everything and that things I used to be able to do just disappeared somehow, and trying to just do these things again was frustrating on a level I could never seem to explain to anyone. I know I've come far in my healing, not enough yet but knowing that I've progressed far enough to essentially destroy my former self; it feels like the highest achievement even if it came with such unforeseen consequences. I'm going to try and give myself a break for being so unskilled and treat this issue like something I have to relearn just like I had to relearn everything else. Thank you so much for this video.
I just wanted to say: Please try to not beat yourself up too much :) I do it all the time, and have struggled with it for a long time, and I realized after talking with my dad (he does it, too) that it's just not productive. You are awesome and amazing for being so resilient and effectively bouncing back from trauma that many people don't have to go through. You are incredibly strong, and I only wish that you knew that! I hold myself to a very high standard, which is what I think you may be doing. I think you are doing great.
Same, last six years have been brutal. And right before, I was blossoming in a way I never had before, and then it was like I was suddenly in the sunken place lol literally bottom of the barrel emotionally. I’ve come out of that place but I wish it were faster but I definitely see progress in myself, but it’s still frustrating beyond words like you stated
I can't describe how much I needed to hear this. I've felt like I'm just... Rotting away towards a terminal fail state for quite some time now. It's reassuring to know it's fixable.
I was thinking that the reason we lost skills was because we were trying to do things the way NT people do them, and once we realized we are ND, the skill gets lost (sometimes temporarily, sometimes permanently), because we were trying to do something our brain wasn’t designed to do. I’ve never heard this perspective before. (As explained in your video). Makes it a double edged sword.
So basically, if you're in an environment where you're constantly putting out fires and your job is cue-driven, to one where you're trying to do effective time management, it's possible performance can decrease because the desired level of capabilities was being obtained by placed in a bad culture. So fixing the bad culture and retaining performance requires learning habits to effectively leverage new techniques which will enable you to use your full potential.
This is so incredibly helpful! I wonder if this is why people intuitively resist self-examination, trauma work, shadow work etc. I wonder if entire societies, nations can experience this skill regression effect. Would it be a matter of national security to prevent this? 🤔
I guess if a big event or revelation happened yes, many big events have changed American society (I’m American) example’s Columbine shootings, twin towers attack, and the pandemic that has affected society
It's like in a city, if a major street is broken, different smaller Streets have to be used and they're not as able to handle as much traffic. Until the new better road is made to reach that area; but you have to build it .
Well, that explains a lot, but I have to admit I wish I could go back to the bliss of ignorance. My self diagnosis came about with the real diagnosis of a friend, and the delight and joy I took with successfully masking all fell apart. I've been feeling like I've been stripped of protection in a hostile world, and my new approach - instead of having the power to change my own behavior - is now to be angry at a world that will never change to accommodate my differences. The world doesn't want to hear why my struggles make so much sense. They want to know I'm doing something about it so it doesn't happen again. Explanations sound like excuses today. I'm feeling so much more helpless, depressed, exhausted, angry, frustrated, and resentful. (And this all came about during a contentious divorce during covid. I need to find a stable job to feed and my my kid. really didn't need this.) I'd rather go back to not knowing. Masking gave me purpose and power.
"...stripped of protection in a hostile world...." Wow, so much of what you said hit home, especially that part. Masking can sometimes feel like a superpower/secret Identity, yet there's also a realization that it comes at a price -- like the potential to make yourself literally sick, from trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, rather than looking for, or even creating, the right opening for yourself. It's so much harder to see the answers when the pressure mounts, though, and you feel someone depending on you. I hope you'll be able to find the supports you need, in order to find the answers that you need and build a good life, for yourself and for your kiddo. It may not seem very comforting right now, yet, please, realize that it's a blessing in disguise, to have discovered these things by masking yourself so hard that you could've ended up in a literal hospital bed, with a heart condition, followed by an endocrine illness, by a neurological condition, by a series of infections, by a series of skin conditions...all pointing back to the stress of it all. (Yes, ask me how I know....) You may not realize it, right now, in the middle of the struggle, but you genuinely are better off, for realizing the truth, even if it all feels like it's so much harder. It's always going to feel harder to create a new path, yet it'll be infinitely more rewarding and lead to progress in your own life and the lives of those you can now help, simply by sharing your experience. All the best of hopes for you and your child 🌻
Perhaps your new superpower can be finding the ways to do the things that need to be done in a way that feels more fluid and is more authentic, taking your needs into account, rather than pretending those needs aren't there. It's actually amazing what gets accomplished when you stop fighting your self so hard. Notice I didn't say how much, but what. The what and the how and the why can matter much more than the how many, when we allow ourselves to prioritize what's truly important. Not only does it call for honesty, it also calls for letting certain things go, things that, at the end of the day, weren't actually that important or even truly necessary. Yet it does require letting go of the ego "fix" masking seemed to give. The great things is that it feels good coming home to *you*, as in finding yourself, and not just the made-up version that kept you from recognizing yourself or from becoming the person that's truly within, that it's an honor to be 🌻
Russel Barkley has a video on the process of grieving a diagnosis (in the context of adhd, but it translates to a lot of other things). I would recommend it, for a little catharsis and self-understanding.
As I was working with my doctor trying to figure out what my "deal" is, I'm officially diagnosed with OCD but the doctor said he suspects ADHD and ASD too he just doesn't want to put it on paper (it seems I wouldn't be able to afford it anyway), I noticed some regression and it was frustrating but I didn't know what was going on or what I could do about it. I'm still dealing with it but it's getting better since I started putting myself and my needs first and learning about everything that neurodivergent people deal with. I've always felt sooo alone in life, but not as much anymore. Videos like this one help me a lot.
This explains so much for me over the past 3 years. I am growing and changing through: capitalism burnout, coming out as trans nonbinary, healing from narcissistic abuse, falling out of touch with a parent, ending some other relationships for the sake of my wellbeing, and grappling with the notion that I am almost certainly ADHD, possibly with some autism too. I performed SO well alllll the way through my academic career and channeled unbelievable amounts of energy into my first FT engineering job; on the heels of that, I've got tons of imposter syndrome and shame to work through about why my brain doesn't work as well as it used to or why my neural pathways feel so convoluted. Thank you for laying this out -- your explanation allowed me to reflect on my life in a way that empowers me to release some of the shame and confusion accompanied with the extra heavy-lifting I've been doing as I grow and change. 🙏
i have been dealing with a few of the same challenges (being nonbinary, having adhd and probably autism), and i totally agree. when i discovered i was trans (as well as w adhd and prob autism) i feel like i had a major mental/emotional growth spurt. my whole personality and understanding of myself and my place in the world changed entirely - and for the better! i feel far more comfortable in my own skin and interacting with others than i did before. but, i’ve also since struggled a lot more with motivation than i think i did before, like my anxiety just doesn’t drive me like it used to (which is probably ultimately a good thing, just doesn’t feel like it yet). it’s something i feel like im having to work a lot harder at, but this video helped give me some hope that it won’t feel that way forever. i hope everything is going alright for you, and wish you the best of luck with everything moving forward!!
Same, to pretty much all of what you said - 3 yrs of struggling, trans/NB, discovery of ADHD+Autism, family stuff, engineering, capitalism burnout, skills regression, and how f-ing hard it all is. I'm with you in parallel. I had to leave engineering before my career even really kicked off. It sounds like a joke and in some ways it could be if one has a dark sense of humor. I have compassion for us both, laughing or not. It's so incredibly rare, healing, and validating to not feel like I'm not the last of my kind when I spot another someone like me. Thank you for sharing so people like me know we're not alone.
I have also been struggling with burnout and have been beating myself up over how I could’ve been able to breeze through University before, but now I am slogging through my courses and research. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, I hope that we can all pull through and see the better side of these struggles soon ❤
I have the same background as you + NC with whole family + abusive romantic relationships We basically need to "reparent" ourselves. I'm just now learning my limits and when my body tenses us I have to say cheezy things to myself like, "it's ok.", I love you, you can do this, it's ok to cry, that was horrible but you're safe now, etc. It's embarrassing but it really helps. Maybe if you're able to get assessed, it would help you feel more confident about your challenges being valid. That is if you are able to get an assessment. I had to find a local organization that would pay for mine.
okay, damn, i've only watched 3 of your videos but you are now my new hyperfocus and favorite youtuber. this was an amazing video and helped me so much. thank you!
THANK YOU FOR THIS WONDERFUL INSIGHT!! The algorithm has blessed me 😭 This is changing how I think of myself. Okay so I quit university in 2022, right after the semester where I defended Chapter 1-3 of my thesis. I'm a biology student. Its a baseline thesis where my teachers were expectant about its by-products not just the results, they openly expressed so. I fell into depression shortly after defending it and went off sem. During my self-isolation, I explored my passions in drawing and never opened a biology book again in my life. Whenever I try to read or watch anything related to biology, i feel a panic attack coming through. About a year into drawing, I developed a healthier relationship to learning. You can't improve in art if you aren't dedicated to learning and practices kind self-talk. So, through art, I gradually became able to read biology books, documentary and videos again! Now I love reading more about biology way MORE than what I was learning in university. The curiousity was honest and unburdened. Now its 2024 and my family is anxious for me to graduate. I contacted my adviser that I would revise my thesis from chapter 1-3 so I can reenroll in the new semester and defend the rest. And guess what, I couldn't come up with the revisions! Nothing! I'm actually going to email my adviser tomorrow about my no-output situation, just to inform him of indefinite progress. I learned from this video EXACTLY how my skill was associated to masking!! That's really cool! It still fascinates me and everything described my situation. My masking self needed to put out excellent work, so I developed the skills of time management, sticking to deadlines and research. But now that, I've unmasked that, now that I've shed that self that needed to be competent, I found it hard to access these skills lately. I couldn't edit a word of my thesis and it frustrates and embarasses me. But there might be hope for me. You said there's association to skills, yes? My attitude to learning art made me develop kind self-talk and patience...it replaced the negative voice that told me I can't fail no matter what. I'm scared of emailing my adviser but I really have to inform him. I still don't know how to access time management and sticking to deadlines. Heck, my art progress isn't even time-pressured. I have an active art blog and still fail to meet my posting date goal. But I get it done. So maybe I have to relax my sense of time. And figure out what how motivation works for my brain! I've learned that recently. The most pressing issue to me is I can't seem to love my thesis to finish it. I used to love ants so much now I dread having to see a word of it anywhere. I built a really negative association with it. My current solution is to make a commons notebook of interesting facts about ants and draw it. Just learn about ants without triggering my burnout with research. This is my long story haha 😅 Its clearer to me now. It looks like I have more inner work to do before I'm ready to go back to uni. I have to build those new and positive association if I am hoping to use the same skills to graduate. I'm thankful for coming across your video. I hope you help more people who's just learned to unmask and feel like their getting worse or underperforming. I hope I don't think such words about myself anymore as this journey deepens. Many thanks! ❤
Wow...just wow...and thank you for this explanation. I have AuDHD and I thought I was showing some signs of early dementia. I get confused when trying to do things I was used to, my anxiety levels skyrocketed, I'm tired all the time and things seems just meaningless. And although I'm very lucid and aware of everything that is going on, I feel as dumb as a bucket of rocks. Maybe is dementia, but this video gave me some hope. And hope is everything!!! So thank you again!!!
This popped up during my morning drawing exercise. I felt I lost my skills but gained something much deeper during the Covid Era. I am trying to gain what I have lost back. It's nice to know it isn't completely lost, just harder to access.
Social Skills. - I think I was able to socialize fine when I was in school at least with my classmates but now it’s difficult. That might be because my understanding of myself has fundamentally changed. I want more meaningful connection now than before. I also used to say a lot of stuff that I didn’t mean and that I didn’t intend to say, it would just come out of my mouth. But now I just don’t speak at all in fear of saying something wrongly, or miscommunicating stuff. I just stay quiet cuz I don’t know how my voice would come out (it comes out really softly) and I am unsure of what to say. Before when I was unsure I would say something stupid, something I didn’t mean or just straight up nonsense. But now I just stay quiet. So, maybe cuz I want more meaningful connection now after years of figuring out what I really want and how I want to interact with people, I still have the same troubles as before but I’m just reacting differently to them. My trouble is that I don’t know what to say and how to behave in social situations. If I don’t have a role then it’s difficult to interact with others.
I know exactly what you mean. I decided to use the energy I was spending on socializing, on instead crafts specific to who I am and how I want to feel. I still have no idea why society seems to have found the older versions of me easier to get along with or more likeable, but focusing on say, singing for example, gave meaning to me having a voice, and has been helping me to use that voice to set boundaries and move through life. I hope you're able to find those activities that make being you more meaningful.
🎀 This makes a lot of sense for me. Abusive family, I tried to please them by studying as hard as I could, making the best creative projects that they would for sure be the proudest of me for. Now that I've escaped from them, it's not necessary to please them, so my entire pathway I've used for basically everything I love is severed and I need to reforge that connection to those skills with actual self-fulfilling reasons to do them.
Super appreciative of this explanation🙏. When I have asked, no one has been able to answer to why I can't execute the tasks I used to be able to to do with ease. I didn't even know skill regression was even a thing until a reel popped up on Instagram. This is the first explanation that has given me hope. Thank you sincerely.🙏
I do feel like perhaps a hiking analogy might be better? Like the more you walk down a trail the easier it is to walk thru but to make a new trail means it's going to be rough terrain, you'll have to start by walking through and clearing it as you go and each time you re-walk that trail (or pathway) it becomes more well worn and easier to walk until it's a rabbit trail, then a deer trail, then a hiking trail, then a biking trail, then it starts to turn into a drive, then a road, then street, then eventually it becomes a highway and that's the equivalent of a facilitated neuropathway. I know most ppl can relate better to computers than nature anymore which is sad, and that we are discussing neurology which usually translates better to computer terms, but since this video is on such a specific topic and is somewhat out of context, I do feel a hiking metaphor holds together a bit better lol I love this video tho! Wonderful explanation! Not really saying anything I hadn't already figured out on my own but I had no idea how to express it and when you use these analogies it brings the concept together in a more cohesive way for me. I've kinda just been neurohacking off the cuff my whole life and then figuring out as I go that it's actually a thing lol And I mean, honestly I knew all the components of this concept from my research on neurology but again, this really brings the whole thing together for me in a neat cohesive way that really makes it easier to wrap my head around and to use this knowledge to help with things like real time neurofeedback and just having a bit more conscious control of how I'm rewiring my brain as I go. I hope that made sense lol. Thank you for posting this♡
I used to work myself to the ground because my parents and brother always told me I won't amount to much because I'm useless. At my jobs I used to be praised so much for how hard I work and advanced on the corporate ladder easier than most. Now after years of trauma work I simply cannot do it. I'm just relaxing at home living off of my savings and it feels so needed.
I was called that same word (among others) as a child and teen and it's taken/taking me years to shed. I was always praised in the workplace, but my social skills were not great. I highly encourage you to take the time you need to rebuild yourself. I did that two decades ago and came out of it ready to face the world head-on again although differently than I had done before. Debilitating physical health problems (from trauma perhaps? STILL not properly diagnosed!) brought my professional life to a grinding halt, but eventually, I was able to build a new life over time that was satisfying in different ways. Although I still have the overwhelming drive to be UsEfUl in any environment I end up in. After another huge setback I've been keeping to myself most of the time as I find people and life exhausting right now ... and right now has been going on for over five years since then so I am finally getting professional help since I think that has been quite long enough and I need to get through this before I find my life is over and I've done nothing for forty years. I've been trying to get over this on my own, but just haven't had the mental fortitude to do so .
I haven't gotten my diagnoses yet but I've been observing myself letting more and more go the more convinced I am that I'm auDHD, yet I can feel myself still holding myself up, using all my strength to not let go. I have a feeling that once I get my diagnoses, I will collapse with fatigue and I won't be the same after. I figure that's what's part of skill regression after diagnoses, finally allowing yourself to let go.
This explains why I feel like a newborn baby seal when I try to do something athletic. In the past that was something I used both as an escape and a way to make my parents happy. The threat that was driving that behavior before is now gone, so I have to find a different kind of motivation to do those things if I still want to. Come to think of it…I think I went through this with my creative skills a couple years ago too. I was always praised as being a “genius” for reading and writing stories at a young age, which was mostly my escape from an oppressive and confusing world, but at some point became a crucial part to my survival socially. My disinterest started as college burnout, but it was “pruned” when I found out I had autism and my parents implied they never worried about me having autism or needing help because I had language skills and “was clearly a baby genius.” Yeah…their ableism added another layer to the perfectionist parent trauma I had since my “genius” was apparently not only a part of the masking skills I used to gain the approval of my parents and peers, but what also denied me access to help.
I never considered the driving motivations behind skills. That's worth being aware of regardless of skill regression. I want to choose with intention whether I'm driven by passion and love vs fear and trauma. Thanks for this!
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m learning to love myself and I’ve had parts of my life where it felt like my ability to draw just tanked. Interestingly, though, things have gotten easier for me since I started learning to love myself, and I never lost my drawing spark through the realization that I need to love myself! May happen later, but when/if it does, I’ll be able to remember this and not feel so bad
This explains it Once I got my anxiety and depression under control and I'm not living in a survival mode it changed some things Doesn't help that the ADHD that I didn't know I had because the depression and anxiety was covering it up is now very present I never noticed the ADHD but once that blanket was removed I noticed a hell of a lot of things I could do and couldn't do I thought I was able to do the things I needed to do while I was in a transitional living program but I struggled so bad and it caught me by surprised Once I realize that yeah, I am very neural divergent and healed and came to terms with things I lost some of those connections
Omg thank you so much. I seem to have lost the ability to mask recently along with other skills, which I came to realize were "accessed" by constant hypervigilance related to trauma. I've been making a lot of progress with my mental health yet experiencing setbacks in other areas. It makes so much more sense now.
Wow! Wasn't looking for this at all but very happy to have stumbled upon it. Really insightful and helpful. I am both stunned and relieved upon learning about this.
I noticed that letting go of expectations and believes improves retaining ability to remember how to do things or achieve optimal state of mind to perform them. Similarly how some people become emotional after experiencing failure. But others improve not to get overburdened with stress incorporate necessarily skills to get to the solution.
Thank you for this very informative video! I was wondering why for the past couple of years (after realizing I might have ADHD [recently diagnosed] and level 1 autism [not officially diagnosed yet]) I felt like I had "lost" a lot of my skills along with abilities to learn and focus as well as I used to.
You could also understand this as a function of monotropism. I have to drop things to learn new things, but those old things are still part of me. To an outsider though, it might look like I've been different people at different times of my life. Odd. The way you film this reminds me of the full on conversation I had with myself last night... 😂
For the longest time, even though the darkest reaches of my subconscious knew, I had convinced myself that I wasn't neurodivergent. Only in the past year have I managed to break down the biggest lie I've ever told myself. My masking wasn't healthy. I tortured myself to be someone that I wasn't even when other people weren't around. I beat myself up over small things that made me feel different. I would feel like a monster every time I had an emotional outburst. I wanted so badly to just be normal and live the way everyone else does... And I was miserable. Its like I was constantly fighting for not just other people's permisson, but my OWN permission to exist. It was only after getting hired as a cook at Wafflehouse and experiencing all kinds of... "shit" there that I began to re-discover just how fundamentally different my way of thinking is from almost everyone around me. My social skills regressed like crazy, and I didn't understand why. I was under the assumption that I was some neurotypical hypochondriac. I thought that I was pretending to be autistic. This video helped me make that last puzzle piece fit. I understand now that I regressed because, after digging around and accepting that I may be ND, I stopped trying to hide who I was from myself. And because that particular motivation for masking was gone, I stopped doing it in public too. Thankfully, I don't feel like I'm hiding from myself anymore, and I have a better understanding of myself than I ever have before in my life. I don't have a diagnosis, and would like to figure out how to get one in the future, but I figure that it's AuDHD since I feel eerily similar to the people I know that have one or both of those flavors of funky-brain. Thank you.
Thank you for posting this - your videos are so validating and bring not only insight and understanding but also hope, acceptance and compassion for the self and for others. 💚
This was very well articulated. It describes exactly what I'm experiencing the last two years. It feels never ending but I'm also learning and discovering so much about my new found self.
Oh, well... this sucks. I would prefer denial and disassociation please. I don't understand why those aren't working any more. Meanwhile I've got to pay the rent.
@depleteduraniumcowboy3516 humans are strong, yourself included. We can endure a lot. We still got limits tho. I hope things are doing better since the break down, and that you find whatever support you are gonna need.
Wow, this is HUGE for me! I began a "healing process" about 14 years ago, and ultimately ended up resigning from work that I'd done for 30+ years, as well as a major hobby I'd always been interested in...in my mind I literally felt perceived the "paths in my mind" had worn down so much that they no longer were interesting, enjoyable, or useful. Like a forest path that was now surrounded by a clear cut forest with erosion scars. Complete devastation within my mind, even more so within my "soul" (at a much deeper level than mere intellect). Unfortunately I haven't been able to find any new "paths" with which to connect to my old life, in fact I sense that my very Being has been cut loose from everything I associated with "living/being alive." I don't know where to go from here. Hell, I don't even know where "here" is.
Thank you for this. I am going through this journey right now and have heard vaguely about skill regression, but have never had forgiveness for myself for it. Your analogies were very helpful in me realizing that it can't be avoided, it's not my "fault." I'm NOT a failure, I'm NOT regressing as a human, and I AM doing so much rewiring that it makes sense that certain things would be difficult again. It also helped me start a list of skills that I noticed regressing and analyze how they were related to a masked behavior. Eye-opening. This video was crucial for me. Thank you so much.
This can explain s lot that I’m dealing with and this sucks so hard. My whole entire work life was social masking , majorly working toward constant success to make myself valuable. I hit burn out. I also notice basic things like left right, understanding some concepts and stuff are a huge struggle. I unfortunately also have autoimmune disease and fibro etc. my fibro is severe now and the headaches. So much yuck.
I would kill to be someone that didnt lose their skill every 2-3 weeks of being good at something. Im honestly convinced im cursed because of this bs. I hate people that are better than me i really do, the simple reason is i cant stay good at it. They just improve improve improve but with me think of it like a chart, it goes up & up & then suddenly drops back down to the very bottom all at once & i have to get better again & then i suddenly become bad again, repeat. Ive searched everywhere for an answer but I find nothing & people make fun of me which further amplifies my hatred
Yeah except in my case its very frustrating and unnecessary, i just went 3 months there being absolutely terrible at anything, nothing i did improved me until a week ago i started to see improvement again & youll never guess what happened today… skill regression happened again. This is the reason i have depression and have no interests or passions. I honestly feel like killing myself even more bc of this bs,
I don't know if you've tried trying to reconnect using a different area of the brain? I'm in a bit of a process myself using games for children to help them build skills for memory, visual spatial, and pattern recognition. But 😡 ADHD won't even let me get started.
Wow.. thankyou so much for this video. I've never heard of skill regression until today. It has blown my mind but at the same time, brought so much peace of mind!! I feel so embarrassed when I seem to have "forgotten" skills which were such a big part of who I was. Atleast now I know its just part of the journey!
I feel so much better about myself. I’m a writer and ever since I’ve started remembering, processing and healing from my past trauma, my writing abilities has decreased. Now I’ve improved it in other ways, like it’s richer now as overtime I’ve understood the craft better. So nothing detrimental. However I used to be able to crank out like 10k+ words per day and a couple times managed to write an 80k word manuscript in a MONTH. I cannot do that now to save my life. And I almost struggle at times with immersing myself in it like I used to. That’s so interesting!
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH! When I heard the character go:"oh fu..." I laughed because I literally said that 2 seconds prior. And I'm really at the start of journey towards healing, having shifted just some of the views I need to, but I can already very clearly see this effect at work. There's nothing else to do but stick to the plan, keep working towards improvement and hoping for the best(while trying to keep damages from my diminished skills to a minimum). There's kind of a liberating feeling in hearing that my problems have a clear cause I can actually start pointing my resources to however slowly that is.
Thank you for explaining this! I'm going through a perspective change in some areas and my baseline performance at work is also suffering. Partially, it's because I feel a certain animosity towards my coworker. As i'm working through that anger and releasing it, it leaves a void. Like taking the battery out of the remote. Now i need to work through finding a new power source.
Without going into my current situation I will say that this was Providence for me to find this in my recomendations. It could be explaining a lot for me. Thanks.
Makes me wonder if the driving force behind me tackling large projects (e.g. casually writing 800 words per writing session) was something I dropped recently. Like “my internal needs to move around and take breaks are flaws to ignore” or something (resulting in writing becoming twice as difficult as it used to be)
Okay so this is brilliant and beyond an accurate description of what I’ve felt in my brain and body that it’s like the clouds have parted in my mind. So for folks trying to understand what it feels like to transition ftm (from female to male) whilst being an undiagnosed Audhder - when I started taking T (testosterone) my system switched to an early menopause of sort which we are learning is very jarring for cis autistic women. During this time, all the pathways I had created to access, process, and handle emotions weren’t immediately broken but the tunnels were slowly caving in and I was soon trapped inside my mind with no way to emote. Transguys will talk about tear ducts feeling blocked during this phase of menopause + puberty. Oh yes, did I forget to mention? Whilst we are experiencing life as an older woman we are also in the throws of early teen boy hormones and angst. All this, this whirlwind of chaotic emotions that are foreign and confusing are crammed down into a mind that’s become a tomb, with no words or thoughts of how to even conceive of a way out let alone “what the hell do I ask for help for?!” bc you feel mad, and no not angry (well yes of course there’s anger - you’re trapped in a bloody tomb!) but off your rocker bc surely it CANT be THIS hard?! I must be do something wrong. I must be broken. (And for my cis brothers out there who go through this - no wonder your emotions feels so weighted and buried too deep to reach. They are there but it takes being vulnerable with yourself (first) and other (second) to dig those new tunnels to them ♥️). It took me a year before I could begin to feel those new tunnels being built and getting stronger. Slowly they weren’t such a struggle to access, laughter being the first and sadness to follow soon after bringing tears like much needed rain. My chest felt weightless and hollow (in a good way). I’ve felt this life altering shift so many times I’m curious if I can go more than 3 years without one: - realized I was gay - realized I was trans - realized there is no god - pandemic - realized I could be a writer - realized I am poly - realized I could do musical theatre - Gaza - realized I was adhd - realized I was autistic - realized my entire family is some variation of adhd / asd 🤣 I’ve also realized how grateful I am for this community ♥️ the ferocity in which you share information is breathtakingly beautiful and has helped me on many a worrying night filled with insomnia and tip-toeing in circles until the wee hours of the morning.
i really like this idea. i don’t know anything about neuroscience, so i have no idea about the evidence/studies etc on this, but i do know a bit about psychoanalysis, and the idea of neuroscience and psychology finally incorporating associative thinking is very exciting to me. will definitely be looking into this further, thank you for sharing!!
I wonder how much of this will hold up to scrutiny in the future, but it's definitely fascinating. First time hearing about this, subscribing for more.
Wow. Self-diagnosed about a year ago at 46. Divided my life in a "before" and an "after". Didn't know this was a thing. So it's the healing that is so exhausting - and why I'm so much more autistic then ever before! Slowly getting it...
Ok... Thank you so much for this. I'm a single parent to a child with higher support needs and I haven't been able to go back to work for the last year. My dream is to go back to school to get my masters of art education and possibly go on to get a PhD to perform experimental research in learning. This pSt year that I haven't been working, I've been attempting to rewire my brain of my Mal adaptive coping mechanisms from abuse and most days I'm focusing on the basics and trying to keep both of our stress levels low. I've been scared that this will always be the case and that I'll never have the ability to return to university. I've never felt more at home and happy than in an academic environment, so I really hope I can get back there ❤
A good analogy could be a road network. If a once major road gets shut down, the cars that used to travel that direction will need to find a different path to get to their destination, and will take a while to find the routes. But after taking the new routes for a while they will stop needing to check where they are as often, stop taking wrong turns, and will be able to get to their destination as fast if not faster than before. We can even use this analogy to differentiate between differences in what aspects of skills are kept, where certain information could be likened to a car using gps or a car that already used the alternative route.
Great video. This was very useful and explained thoroughly. Me likey. :) Btw, just thought to chip in regarding the optic fiber/dial up analogy: imo, a better analogy would be a forest path to a village where villagers have certain skills (representing one of your complex skills); After pruning happens the forest path gets reclaimed by the forest and a new path would need to be made by clearing a part of the forest and treading it, that is, using it, so to have lines of communication and trade once again fully opened (to be able to fully utilize the skill again).
That was oddly helpful. Even when it started falling apart. 😏 I'd heard of skill regression but I didn't really know how to applied. This made it makes sense. Got the ADHD diagnosis years ago. Decades ago. As an adult, but it's been a while. The ASD in addition, that's new. Suspected for several decades, despite the fact everything I read said that you could only have one or the other, but it hits a little bit differently when it's confirmed.
As someone who worked in IT at same job over 8 years, knew it back of my hand. Dealt w a lot of trauma in a year and lost so much, comnections broken . Have felt the need to write so much out, repeatedly Im literally rewriting and rebuilding life.
