robiness5344, I can relate and what makes this happening even more painful can be it happening right in front of someone/someones we have helped in the past !
Yes!!! Seems all the things i did for previous friends/family was forgotten when I needed help 2 years ago when i had back surgery!!!! Recovered all alone! But I'm stronger now!!😊@cherylruss9229
As a nurse of 28 years I can attest to the fact that having a houseful of kids does not guarantee that you will have a family at your side in your old age.
My kids dont care I'm so lonely. I hate my life. Im to the point i no longer want to live. I had 7 kids plus two step. No one wants me. Im grieving. I cant connect with others I can't shower are cook life is over
@@Lonelyone1111There are so many people that have devoted themselves to helping others deal with loneliness and depression. Medical science has come along way in this field. The resources are there for you when you are ready. Communities have free services for people with limited resources and/or families and friends. There are a lot of people that want to share their lives with you within your community, you really are not all alone. Peace and harmony for you🌻
Devastatingly sad, but so very very true. All those that loved me have now gone, left with estranged family who are cold, greedy, abusive, who have nothing to do with me now. Although family, they have nothing in common with me and certainly do not follow my values, it took a long time, but think I feel at peace now, with no family. I just wish that those who have gone before me, could return.
If I'm super sick or injured I call 9-11 and go to the best hospital ER in the area. And pray. Actually i pray the whole time. It's worked for me so far. I'm 79.
Your wrong about something, you can choose your friends and you can choose to have your own family by adopting kids or having a surrogate that will give you kids or get married and have your own kids. That’s having your own family. Forget about your parents, your grandparents, your aunts, your uncles, your cousins, your siblings. There all just blood related relatives in which you don’t need. Your supposed to leave them and have your own family in which gives you your own identity.
I don't have any family. My dad's side disowned me 30 years ago for going public with Grandfather having molested me. They never spoke to me again. My only child is estranged and my mom's family are all dead. My parents died over 10 years ago. I literally have no one but myself and my dogs.
The last of my family died 23 years ago (I’m an only child) and have no kids of my own. It’s hell on earth. What makes it worse is that other people treat me like I’m some sort of weirdo - just because of my circumstances!
My mother recently passed away at age 92. She was my last family tie. But she had a younger very best friend who was as close to her as a little sister, and I have now "adopted" her as my Aunt. It is so nice to have someone that can still share memories of my mother and my family....I am blessed!
I used to take care of an old woman, I lived with her for almost 2 years. The only person that I ever saw was one of her multiple sons... He had to go on the weekends so I could take those off. She was a nice old lady and had plenty of family... So, no, having a family doesn't guarantee anything.
That's why you need to stay connected with people outside your family. Be a part of several communities. You don't have to be an extroverted social butterfly, but try to be a "regular" at certain restaurants, stores, ectcetera. And have a few friends where you _always_ return voice messages, texts, e-mails, ectcetera within twenty-four hours, so if you were to suddenly "disappear," they'd know to search for you. A few friends, siblings and I have this arrangement. I _always_ return messages from family, friends and regular connections within twenty-four hours.
I postponed my colonoscopy for years because i had no one drive me home from the procedure.... no one would help me. I paid a coworker to give me the ride home
@stevenwalter1255 I have used *_"Visiting Nurse Services"_* for multiple occasions (bringing me home from tests that require anesthesia, caring on site following major surgeries). I came from a big family, and was the youngest female sibling, born with some birth defects. I learned early on to not depend on anyone (and to stop being disappointed when someone doesn't think to offer). I think there will be many of us that have no one reliable. If you live in or near a big enough city, look up a visiting nurse service. In some cases, your health insurance will cover all or part of the cost. Good luck!
I had a family. My "mom" is a narcissist. My "dad" was an alcoholic. I have two brothers and a sister. I was the scapegoat and treated like shit. I earned a Bachelor's Degree, and then a Master's Degree in Counseling. I taught family systems. I married at 32 and 7 years later my husband died quickly of an acute Leukemia. Our sons were 3 & 6. I quit work for a decade. My sons are wonderful and devoted with hysterical sense of humors. I have 3 grandchildren. I have more LOVE than I could hope for!!!
@@fml5910 Honest to God at 67 I realize EVERY shitty thing that happened to "young me" is now a strength/gift; BECAUSE I EMBRACED MY HEALING, via THERAPY in my late teens. Literally, dealing/addressing "chemically addicted" and "character disordered Narcissists" IS MY GIFT!! I now have a Narcissistic neighbor who is extremely jealous of me, because her Grandchildren love me. (The five year old reported "when I'm upstairs I have to pretend to not like you, so I don't get in trouble". How screwed up is that?!? I responded with "Good girl! Do what keeps you safe". (Unlike the Narcissist, I'm not running a competition. Nor is my self-esteem dependent on the contrived/captured love of small children.) Generally I like to dismiss (flat affect, maybe yawn, because her tantrum is boring.) However, on a *random reinforcement schedule* I like to shout "Good Morning, Neighbor! Have a GREAT DAY"! This MAKES HER INSANE. She flips me off. I laugh at her, to her face! ( Btw I would NEVER do this with a physically abusive, violence threatening Narcissist!) I KNOW her fragile projected self-esteem is wounded. Did I mention she's supposed to move soon? I will rent "a jump house for the kids to celebrate!!!
I’m so proud of you! To accomplish what you have e is amazing and probably made you more of a scapegoat. Once I bypassed my parents level of employment it got worse. I’m not competing here! Instead of being proud of their only daughter they tried harder to make me think I was a piece of crap. I also have a wonderful son who loves me and loves others. I couldn’t be happier without that family.
@@FMT2003 I'm looking for a "pat on the back emoji", but I'll have to settle for this: 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 My younger brother once said to me "you're the Lisa Simpson in our family"- you know the smarter, more talented sister? I may put it on my headstone! The thing is at my age, no Narcissist can touch me... I call it "a touchdown" when they yell or become enraged (of course, because I'm sooooooooo powerful!) EVERYTHING I experienced earlier made me both strong and flexible.. At 66, God help the Narcissist who focuses on me. They will NOT enjoy the outcome...and I'm okay with that! 😉
Family is earned. It's worked for and you give up a lot to have a good family. IMO it's these social media platitudes that sabotage people. If a person goes in thinking a good family will be "a gift" sent from a fairy they're almost certain to fail.
I'm alone. Almost 60. Never married, no children, both parents dead, no siblings, no Aunts or Uncles, they've all passed away or in their late 90's and out of state, cousins here in the States are either Drug Addicts, or Alcoholics. Other cousins are in England and Ireland. Growing up we were all close and spent every holiday together. I was VERY close to my parents and all my life spent every vacation I ever had with them.....there was no going to Club Med or anything like that with friends for me I ALWAYS wanted to be with my Parents during vacation time. I lost my Dad in 2012 and my Mom in 2015 and have basically thrown myself into work. My family now is my dog and cats. I do have a small circle of close friends and I'm fine with that. Holidays are the WORST for me now though.....
Following the passing of my mother i walked away from my extended family for my own protection . They are jealous , hostile and toxic , i deserve better . After 3 years i have peace and should have done it earlier .
@@aprilm2664 Your very welcome. I’m trying to show people that there are so many different things that we can be doing and should be doing physically and mentally on how we can change our life that we don’t have to feel or be alone at any age. I’m 52 years old and I always find the time to keep myself busy mentally and physically that I always find myself in a conversation with someone or I chat on here that allows me not to be alone. I’m very happy with my life now then I was when I was younger.
Me too. Take advantage of the freedom to travel or do as you please without ppl having expectations that you are going to be there when they need help.
These comments are heartbreaking. I notice there are so many people in the same situation that if they could be matched up they wouldn't have to be alone. Like a dating app but for friends. Hang out, spend holidays together, etc. I think just the shared experience would make great friendships. All the best to everyone! ❤
This is my situation and I’m convinced that a “Golden Girls” arrangement is what I’m looking for. Making a chosen family to enjoy and care for each other ❤
Has been popular with American women for awhile. However there is one hitch, getting along together. Americans seem to have lost the social skills needed to maintain friendships. Unable to maintain a relationship even with a spouse or kids. So the Golden Girls arrangement is extremely rare. More common are nightmare stories of these failing. It's the basic Catch-22. People with the skills generally already have good family relationships so don't need the Golden Girls arrangement. People without the skills can't maintain the Golden Girls arrangement and to top it off these are the same people who will never see themselves as having any issue. It's everyone else who is the problem. So they can't even try to learn the skills.
Excellent video! I am 66 years old, and I grew up in a big, loving Italian family in Boston. I had my parents, 2 sisters, 4 uncles, 2 aunts, and 16 cousins all on my mother's side. I lived in 3 family house. My aunt, uncle, 2 cousins, and my grandmother lived on the first floor, and I lived on the second floor. Every Sunday, I saw my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We were all very close. That all changed when my parents, including my aunt and 2 uncles and cousins, moved to California, and my grandmother died. The family scattered to the 4 winds. When my mother and sister died, I was estranged from my sister and nephews and nieces. Now, all my aunts and uncles on my mothers side have passed, and I haven't seen my cousins in years. I virtually have no family now. My wife and I couldn't have children. You have your DNA family and the family you create. I have friends from church and neighbors who are my family. I also just recently I lost the beloved dog I had for years. Pets are family, too. I have learned to appreciate family and friends when you have them. As you get older, people die. It's also important to be able to live alone.
I am essentially all alone as well. Nobody calls me, nobody comes to visit. Unless I initiate contact, no one ever contacts me. I have spent a significant amount of time trying to find another partner and to build a group of friends but to no avail. I have adapted to the situation and I am relatively at ease with it. But I still have to ask: Surely I would be welcome company for someone else in my situation.
Davo, when you said this >>>> "Unless I initiate contact", it really made me think. I get tired of having to "initiate contact". But I guess it's because people's lives are so complicated these days and also (and as we saw on this comment thread) many older people do have health issues, so they can't contact FIRST.
@@lindaAA3101 Always having to make the first contact and to make the ongoing contacts, to keep a relationship alive, was exhausting. So I just completely stopped. Very occasionally, I will hear from someone, asking where I have disappeared to. Otherwise, I never hear another word. I think you are being very kind with your reasoning on why we're required to always make contact. We are in a period of considerable selfishness. A period of me me me which has been driven by the advent of people like Trump and the mindless celebrity culture that we live in. We are also in a period of wall to wall social media and electronic gadgets. I never go anywhere now that virtually everybody isn't walking, commuting or driving while staring at their devices. I am virtually alone on the planet. Obviously that is a loss for me but it is also an enormous loss for others. They may or may not be surrounded by people but they are every bit as isolated as me. Or more so.
@@lindaAA3101 how many people say they don’t contact first because they are busy lives, but we all have busy lives and we can all make time for friends
There are millions of Americans in your situation...and they all apparently dislike everyone else. I'm 67, known many old people who are alone. They are not pleasant people to be around. They think they're great company so spend much of their time complaining about others. Like in this channel the woman tells of how she has no one but I assume she never considers her part. Kids just don't become "estranged". It's human instinct to love parents. A person has to drive that out of them. Doesn't have to be terrible. Can be as simple as not instilling the importance of family. You "having" to initiate contact has to mean others don't want to talk to you. Sorry, that's just reality. If it was one person or even a few we could blame them. But nobody??? Come on, time for reality. #1 problem...talking too much. It's self-centered. People love to talk. The more you let others talk the more they'll seek you out. There's an art to conversation. #2 Yeah, you have to initiate. Ask how their day is going. If they give a short answer say "OK, just wanted to check on you. I've got to go do..." It trains them to know your call isn't going to trap them for hours. Their time is valuable. Relationships are work. Skills are needed. There are many books written on how to maintain relationships. You can even pay for lessons. But I'll bet you've never done any research into improving your relationship skills. 99.9% of people who are alone never look at themselves to try to improve. That's fine as long as you're cool with being solo.
@@waterbug1135 Thanks for your "help". LOL. Imagine being accused of being difficult to be around by someone as full of shit as you. Thank you for your AMATEUR diagnosis of me, WITHOUT ANY CONTACT with me of any kind. WORK ON YOURSELF. If you live to be 110, there will still be work left to do. Good grief.
I've been alone since I was 35. No siblings, parents, grandparents, cousins, anything. I had 2 boys who maintain contact sporadically. I just turned 65 last week. My dad died when I was 11. My mom didn't like his family. I have all kinds of health problems. I don't have anyone to talk to, except my 2 dogs. I'm sad all the time. Loss of family was something I was so afraid of. I prayed about it every night. I saw President Kennedy die on TV when I was 4. I realized that if Caroline and John Jr.'s daddy could die, mine could too. And he got lung cancer. My last one was my mom, when I was 35. It's very hard
Thanks for sharing lnelson! I had a similar thought at Kennedy's funeral (I was 9) and my dad died about a year and a half later. Thanks for being part of the channel.
I'm in the same situation...no immediate family. A never married, only child, parents, grandparents, aunt/uncles all passed on. I came from a very loving family...a fine childhood. I do have friends, thankfully, but never want to be a burden on them. Sadness comes, sure, especially around the Holiday Season. Thankfully God has given me strength through the remaining years! Thank you for sharing!
@@RowenaSnow-px3jg then again, in some circles, many believe we DO indeed choose everything. Lessons to teach and learn, including our parents, family etc. That said, I still love the quote!
For those who are alone, please consider letting others (non family) in or be open to friendship/relationship with people in similar circumstances. Also understand that for some, family history/trauma is simply too overwhelming and some of us don’t know how to bridge the gap with our blood relatives.
Just be careful. Has anyone seen the movie, "The Honeymoon Killers?" It's a true story about a man and his female accomplice who preyed upon lonely women searching for a loving relationship. The man would introduce his accomplice as a caring sister. After fleecing the victim, she would be killed. The two were eventually caught and executed in the electric chair. I'm not a bloodthirsty person, but the cruelty of their crimes was so extreme that their deaths were warranted.
@@Friedrich-ck2le ...I did see that movie. Yieks! And yes, it is best to always be careful with "whom" you let into your life TOO QUICKLY.....Go slow when letting a stranger into your permanent life. Just be careful.
Wonderful video. It was helpful. I lost my mom 12 years ago. Since then, I have lost all connection to any other living family members. I'm now 50. No kids. Never married.
I lost my Dad when he was 69. He died in my arms. 6 years later my older Sister died suddenly in her sleep of a pulmonary embolism. 4 years after her, my Brother overdosed on herion. My siblings were both 54. Thankfully, my Mother lived until August of last year. Age 86. I am now 64 with no family left. I do have two children but they have their busy lives. I feel like I have zero purpose. I have my health but no motivation to do much of anything. I stay at home a lot and just hide away ❤. I know I need counseling for my grief but I can’t afford it. I’m grateful I found your channel today. I swear it was a gift from God! With all of your counseling education and experience, I hope you do a video on coping with loss and grief. With much appreciation! Lucy You can use my name or comment in the video if you want. ❤ Thanks again
Thanks so much for your comment Lucy! I did do videos on grief and loss at the very start of my channel. Look for the oldest videos - I think there are six on that topic. Take care and thanks for watching!
@@eldergal Thanks so much for replying! I will look for your older videos on Grief. I’m making myself start walking today at my local park. I use to walk 20 miles plus a week. I stopped after my Mom died. I’m really going to try! Thanks so much!!
I lost contact with my mother’s side of the family at the age of 10. By the time I was 20, my dad’s side was gone too. My kids have no family beyond me and it’s an awful, very isolating feeling. People really take the luxury of having family for granted.
Im all alone My whole family is gone ...and now divorced after 17yrs...we never had children Its a much quieter world now But the Lord helps me so much..He is merciful and loving
My great grandmother had 10 children. Every Sunday there was always some sort of family get together with her kids, or at least most of them, and their families. When she died at 102 years of age, I never saw the family again despite all of us living in the same town
I can relate. I'm in my early 50s and all my family have passed away, apart from an uncle that I haven't spoken to for over 45 years. I also live on my own so it's quite a lonely existence, but being an only child it doesn't bother me as I've always enjoyed my own company. I do miss my parents very much though and think about them all the time. Thanks for sharing your experience.
When my mom passes I won't have family either (she is elderly and is in very poor health.) I have a brother and his very young children (my nieces) but he hardly ever communicates despite me trying. I am childless and am going through perimenopause so it is too late for me to have children but I didn't want to have children anyway because of health issues though. I am an introvert and have no friends and don't really want to bother with the effort of making/maintaining friends especially since all of my friends faded out of my life over the years anyway (they would move away, get caught up with their own families and have no time for me, etc.) "Friends" have broken my heart too many times so why bother. Thankfully, I enjoy my own company and spending time alone is peaceful but I do worry about what it may be like for me as I grow older.
Thanks for sharing this SP! I understand your concerns here. It is important to just take life one day at a time and not focus on too far down the road. Take care!!😊💜💫
Is your sister in law somebody that you could create a relationship with that could in turn bring you closer to your brother and his children? Wishing you all the best. ❤
@@27acresaway24 No, unfortunately my sister-in-law is soon going to be my ex-sister-in-law since she and my brother are going through a divorce. She is so angry at my brother for having an affair with one of his coworkers that now she wants nothing to do with him and our side of the family. I've reached out to her many times but she does not return my messages. I am so anxious that she may get primary custody and then I will see my 2 and 8 year old nieces even less. They are so young that I can't even call and text them yet so my relationship with my nieces is entirely dependent on my brother and soon to be ex-sister-in-law. My heart hurts.
Count yourself lucky if you have at any point in your life at least experienced having a loving family, however brief it was and whether it was just two people or an entire village of them. It's much harder and more painful to never have had a good family from which you've had to consciously separate in order to protect yourself. When you grow up in an abusive household where there's neglect and harm afflicted upon you, you more than often end up a very lonely adult. It's painful to know that you have physical 'family' members in the world but that you'd rather be as far away from them as possible. Blood does not make family. Love does! So cherish the people who have come into your life and shown you the type of love you deserved but never received from your family! Genetics mean nothing!
Thank you so much eb for your comment! I am grateful I had love when I was young. I know it is very painful to not have family/love as a child and even worse to suffer abuse. Thanks for writing about this! Families should love and care for one another but too often they don't! Take care!😊💜💫
I'm 45 and completely alone. Between deaths and estrangements and distance and abuse and violence. On top of that the few close friends I had from childhood, I've lost to addiction, either they died or are still in active addiction and so they're effectively gone. I am so isolated and shocked even though like you say, it happened over time. It's still shocking having grown up never imagining it all disappearing x
I had family up until about 5 years ago . I am 66 and yes my heart aches over it. I am a loner I have always kept to myself. I always loved my family but I guess they didn’t love me . I haven’t spoken to my son in over 5 years , it breaks my heart
I hear your pain and share it as I am in the same situation. It is hard to rise above it every day and to keep up the strength to try and enjoy life. It’s comforting to know that we are not alone in this.
I'm nearly 60, I came from a dysfunctional background, my father and his side of the family hated us because of us not being born in the same part of the world, my parents split up in 1984, my father eventually moved back to his place of birth in 1989, he made it known that he didn't want us in his or any of his familys lives, followed by a death threat, during childhood there was a wedge driven between my sister and myself to the point that we are no longer close, my mother passed in 2019, I never married, never had a long term relationship, no kids, my sister and myself probably speak once a year, I guess it's just a fact of life, I don't experience sadness because I can't be sad over something I've never experienced, I live my life to the full, if I croak tomorrow, I've made the most of my life.
To those with no family we can create one with the people around us in church, community, parks. We have to be careful though of "choosing" our family because there are too😊 many scammers out there.
I belonged to a very large Church and while I made many friends, none of them was seeking a new family member or who wanted one. This showed up at Holidays.
@@jenniferlee7167that doesn’t sound right these people are supposed to be your friends at church but then couldn’t be Christian enough to invite you to their homes for thanksgiving dinner or Christmas. I know several times my mother( who barely went to church)would just invite people from her job who she wasn’t really friends with but found out they would be alone for thanksgiving and would invite them over. This is one of the reasons I have issues with church people( not all you sound like a beautiful person) and their so called Christian values. Sorry for the rant but I don’t like hypocrisy and phony people who claim to be compassionate.
I had the best Christmas inviting coworkers to my home as well as my dear friend who was in memory care for what turned out to be her last Christmas.. It was not that we were the best of friends at the time, but we all had the best time and I went on to become great friends with one of my coworkers after I retired. I have since moved and tried church and it was such an empty experience as some holidays have been spent alone. No one reached out at all and being new to the area, I did not have people to invite.
@@tracymorgan5386 I had a few of those invites but they were 'pity invites'. I would be the token charity case for them to get the gem in their heavenly crown. So I declined those invites. If people don't want to socialize with me during the year, don't throw me a pity bone at Christmas.
If you ever dealt with betrayal,backstabbing friends and coworkers or toxic family members that hate you living alone is not that bad.i.would rather live alone than deal with people like that again Lived with roommates.........in conclusion I learned that being alone is not that bad
I have found trying to make friends as a senior (67) is hard. Most ladies have families and don't have time for new friends. I take care of a fella that I thought I could spend the rest of my days with. He has no family....but this pastMarch, I had to put him in memory care. So he is very happy because for the first time in his life..he has people to be with all the time. I am so glad he is going to have this sense of family as he ages into his dementia. Me...I will just push forward.
I bet you might find connection with others who have also had to place loved ones in memory care. I have seen wonderful friendships develop among families who are visiting their loved ones.
Thank you for this video. I’m single and I have a good family, but I don’t have anyone I think I can rely on as I age. It’s become something I really fear. It’s so helpful to remember that you still have a meaningful life even when it doesn’t look like a hallmark movie
wow. I am going through it right now. Really appreciate you sharing this. Me. Too. Never had kids. Mom in hospice. Lost brother who was in hospice a few months ago. My one remaining brother has chosen to not be in my life for decades. appreciate you sharing so truthfully.
I have no family or friends it's been over 26 years for me. I was the scapegoat of my large family. I have tried everything over the years to acquire friends but sadly it won't happen for me. I gave up and just became a hermit who is morphing into misanthropy. Thanks for making these videos at least I'm not alone in this experience.
Hang in there...many of us are in your situation. I tell people I am alone though I have a brother and sister,,,because there is no love just obligation.
This is tragic. I am in the same situation. I have been praying for 6years/asking God to take me. But I am still alive. My creator is silent. Every day is filled with pain.
@@cameliaturda6472 I am a mom of 3. Ex betrayed me and kids selected him as a moral compass. So I had an emotional funeral of 4 people in one day. God is overestimating my strength. I am so sick of pain.
There may be people like me. I was an only child of elderly parents though my mom lived to 95. I have two adult kids and one step grandson none of which lived close to me nor visited for years. Also had an ex with whom I had a very good relationship but he died recently. So l took my life back and in my 80’s moved to another country l could afford and am learning the language. Have met lots of expats and despite physical challenges am having the time of my life. If my kids ever come that would be nice but no expectation. We do talk every month or so as they say they are always busy which probably is true but once you get the picture it is so much better to do what you want.
@@RowenaSnow-px3jg please check into this. I have regular SS which is deposited in my bank automatically. You are still a citizen so please find out more.
@lindarose2327 that only works for Social Security and Spcial Security Disability Insurance. What i have is Supplemental Security Income (SSI). It is NOT Social Security. Unfortunately a lot of people are confused on that point, even news outlets. With the first 2 you could move out of the us and still get it. With SSI they cut it off.
I propose that you (someone) put up a map. Then we can be ‘ a pin’ in the state of our residence, and if we see any close to ourselves, connect with letters…. If it grows from there, that’ll be a nice little friendship-future. We all have the same story, more or less, so there’ll be no shame in that connection!❤❤❤❤
I am a sixty-eight year old loner and only child. I guess I am built different. I don't wish for family. I am content with my solitude. I did have a short and childless marriage, but I have never desired children. Of course, I do recognize the coming perils of aging. C'est la vie.
My friend's three sons estranged themselves from her. She died last year in a fall. All of their wives turned them away from their mother. She wasn't perfect but was certainly a kind and decent woman. Father ran off and left her with the boys, one of which was brutally molested by a "helpful" male neighbor...so likely some resentments there roo. That's occasionally the problem with a son. His wife holds the social rudder, which is fine if she's nice. My friend did a lot of volunteer work until age and poor vision got the best of her... and found comfort in that. She spent a great deal of time visiting nursing homes and was a huge blessing to people.
I don’t have family either. My parents were not the kind of people for raising kids. They were both damaged and I grew up the youngest of five in sheer chaos and animosity. I never met the right person for me and that was probably my own fault, never really having known loving people. I have found that you have to love and care for yourself, find the bliss just where the monk does, and never get external and compare yourself or your situation with that of others. I will always love my birth family but they were such abusive monsters that trust never came easily. We all, all of us, play the hand we are dealt and thank you for your honest video. There is nothing to be ashamed of. People live their level of consciousness, their level of awareness, and can do nothing else.
Thank you for your honest words. I find myself alone at 65 having walked away from an abusive family. My Mother basically bribed my daughters with money and they turned away from me. Out of 3 children I only see my Son maybe 2 - 3 times a year and I feel he just thinks I am a burden even though I am very independent and ask nothing of him. However, I believe it is all my fault because I did not have strong boundaries. I do now and prefer to be on my own than be abused. It is hard and when I shed tears they are for myself as I have not loved myself enough.
Pam yes Elder Gal is correct...do it for yourself. I mean, being around toxic people (even if they are family members) would not help you, and it seems like they would not care--- OR they might try to hurt you again...So in a way, good thing you got away from them. Pam, do positive things for yourself...Start with tiny things, like buying a USED BOOK at a USED BOOK STORE. Used books don't cost much, plus USED BOOK STORES are fascinating...and btw, seems many "alone" people go to USED BOOK STORES...That's what I've discovered....And maybe just exchanging a few words with other BOOK LOVERS could lift you up that day. Then after that, add one more little thing to do for your self. You don't need to spend a lot of money. Walks are FREE, for instance. Looking at a Sunset, is FREE! Stuff like that.
@@lindaAA3101 Thank you for your reply - it has taken me a long time to start loving myself but I am getting there. I am grateful for your suggestions. Also grateful to know there are kind people in this world. 🙏
I’m 43 and I can see this in my future. My mother is dead, dad is almost 83, I’m divorced and no kids. I’m ok with that, I never wanted kids. I have a brother but I don’t know if I can rely on him forever. He’s also single and childless but who knows?
Dear elder gal…I cannot express what this particular posting has done for me. I’m 83 and after years of having romping kids, cousins, aunts, uncles etc etc around and about I am alone except for my 91 year old husband and a couple of cousins far away and two lovely daughters who for their own reasons choose no contact with me or with each other. I live with hope but little expectation of reconnecting. I love, loved being a mother and thought I was fairly good at it because I was having fun in between silly bumps in the road. Must have read the signals wrongly because things went horribly belly up to my chagrin. Anyhow, I still love this thing called life and your talks, so straight forward and genuine, your even-handed honesty is JUST the balm I need. Know that you are, indeed, serving others with much needed love and sage pointers in how to navigate a life without family. Love you…
Thanks so much for sharing this Olivia! I feel for you and the separation from your daughters - I understand the pain of that. Thanks for your kind words and for watching!
Family can be a blessing or a curse. It's better to focus on friendship. Be a friend to a hospice patient, a disabled or nursing home individual, do charity work thru a church, join a book club. The list is endless.
There are so many Charities out there for children. I always thought if I won the Lottery, I would have one called "Childless Seniors" Rent free, and a Tiny Houses community.
The sad reality is: It is very possible to have a large extended group of relatives and still have no family. I have an older brother. My mother was the oldest of nine and my father was one of seven. When my mother was dying of cancer when I was 23, she told me: “I’m so worried about you. When I’m gone, you will be on your own.” She was right.
This is the order of priority: God, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, then myself, then family that love and appreciate me. I let go of the rest or manage the necessary relationships, i.e. nasty coworkers or bosses. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND no or low contact, be it mother, father, sibling, etc. I've reduced SO MUCH stress in my life, having done so. You have to draw the line somewhere. When someone treats you like crap, walk away whenever possible and choose not to argue whenever possible. Stop wasting your energy. I remind myself of these things. You'll thank yourself for it. At the very least, I recommend grey or yellow rock. Choose your battles wisely.
Oh my goodness, so glad your video came on my feed!! 85% of your story is my story - loss of family (father and mother died before I was 20) no real interest of family - no children and didn’t marry the right person. Always had to fight for my own survival - and people assume you are strong ! But hardly any support system so I have no choice to not give up. Very very lonely space to be in 😢
Empath's learning the only solution for Malignant Narcissistic Families is to go "No-Contact" with them has orphaned John-Boy from the Waltons by the millions all over the world. That means Empaths must choose between the "trifecta" of being neglected, abused, or isolated. It has to be 1 or the other no exceptions. And also knowing they are now outnumbered 10,000 to 1...
Yes. No one understands what happens when your father, siblings, husband and child are malignant narcissists and what happens to you. The abuse and the alienation-from everyone. 🙏❤️🙏
Both a blessing (only now at 65) and a curse...l never had family. One sister....but l could not grow with her. Solo to me. I see so much dysfunctional families....l was better of l find. The strong women alone gets strategic and wise. Live in the day. All l can handle.
I am 65 and have no family connections. My parents are deceased and I have no contact with my brother or aunts and uncles. I never met a long-term partner or had my own children. None of this was my choice. There was a lot of dysfunction that resulted in estrangement within my family, as well as my own struggles that made it hard to partner. When I was 32, I started building my surrogate family with friends and their daughters. I saw them weekly, the girls slept over every Friday, and I was at every holiday and celebration, at school recitals, sporting events, graduations, and points in between. The girls talked about me being part of their family, and I thought the mom felt the same way. I took great comfort and felt happy having a surrogate family. It hugely enriched my life for 33 years. Then, last fall, the mom told me she didn't feel as close to me, that they weren't my family, and that she resented the feeling that she had to include me in family celebrations and wasn't going to any longer. I was stunned and utterly devastated. In an instant I lost my family, I was a woman alone in the world. I almost ended up in the hospital because I wasn't sure I could go on living, not sure that I wanted to live if I didn't have any family-like connections. Now, nine months later, it is still a struggle. This is the biggest loss of my adult life and I will never get over it. I will grieve this loss until the day I die. I thought of the girls as "my girls". I thought they'd be with me at the end. I will never again have what I have lost. Creating a chosen family takes place over time, through myriad shared experiences. I watched the girls grow up and was an important part of that journey. I will never have that feeling of "family" again. There is just not that much time left. It is a profound loss, totally disorienting. I have been in a depression ever since this happened, something I struggled with throughout my life, but no episode lasted this long or was this intense. It is sad and frightening to find myself alone at 65. Sure, I have a handful of friends, mostly long-distance, but it isn't the same, it isn't family. So, like you, being without family is something I will grieve for the rest of my life.
Your story is like my own, but I have 3 biological adult children. I was erased from their lives for reasons I don’t totally understand. I am elderly in my late 60’s and I feel so utterly alone in this world. I love my kids and pray for them daily as well as my grandchildren. I just don’t understand how people these days can be erased like they never existed. It’s so very sad 😢
How old are the girls now? If they have enough good memories of you, perhaps they will seek you out , when they are old enough to make their own decisions.
I've seen many stories here on RU-vid, about children that have just kicked their parents out of their lives. So many people are heartbroken and confused. I think the fabric of our nation is unraveling. I guess friendships are what we have left.
I agree Veronica! Our social fabric has been unraveling in the past couple of generations. It is scary to think about it getting worse! Thanks for your comment!!😊💜🌟
A lot of it has to do with this criminal “therapy” movement. They tell vulnerable people to toss everyone away they deem abusive. It’s a selfish society, based on money as God. So, these therapists (which are constantly being pushed on social media by influencers) are the personal entryways for young people to destroy unions, loyalties, and not do the hard work of relationships. Then, when they do find a partner, they don’t have the skills to overcome personality obstacles. It’s a sick sick culture.
Nobody cuts their parents out of their lives for "no reason", just on a whimsy. Believe me, I thought about it long and hard for years, and only did it when I had no other alternative. It was either save myself, or allow myself to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually destroyed by an abuser.
I lost all of my family at the age of four, except for my Mom. Lost my Mom a couple years ago. I have a son but his girlfriend felt we were too close and created wedge. So I'm alone on holidays and that's very hard. But I have some great friends that treat me well. This is my journey, mostly solo.
I came from abusive, toxic, no love, narcissistic, Italian, Roman Catholic professing, parents. No siblings. Grew up alone. Parents disowned me because they didn't like me or they way I chose to live..two states away. I have no kids. I'm 60 and successful. Have a home and a dog. I am a born again Christian for the past 12 years. And I know God had sent His angels minister to me in hard times my whole life. I did not get family blessing but God made me probably one of the strongest persons you will ever meet. I stay strong for God. Otherwise? I'd take the easy way out of this demonic world. I stay AWAY from drama and have a couple of friends. That is it. Tough times come? I have Jesus and that is all I need. Sad situation but I was born alone. Suffer alone. And will die alone. Let it be known...awful unloving parents? Can set a bad trajectory for someone's life. Many? Do not survive. Why? Because they do not know Jesus or know The Bible. ❤
Thank God you are a Christian it's ok we can be friends and more to that we can be a family and I can have a mother too but remember God knows you well and keep your eyes on him has good plans for you All is well with you
If I could really plan my next life, I would not get married or have kids. I would work, save and make friends. Been married 40 years. My husband agrees. We decided in our next lives he will be my friend who lives down the street but we will never live together, get married or have kids. It is a shame we do not know better when we are young.
This is fascinating to me, can you elaborate further? I'm 41 and unmarried without children and often feel I made a mistake although I have so far never found anyone I felt happy with. I have also had health problems and didn't feel able to raise and support children.
Because with children comes responsibility and you may put your dreams on hold or forget about them all together.all you will do is work and work and pay bills you can't be free.now relationship with your partner may not be perfect some betray you or they could have a horrible family member that hates you and creates drama.life is not perfect in my next life I would prefer to be single working my dream job not where I work now
I work as a case manager at a hospital in a rural area. Although there are hero families who at all ages care for their elders (mostly the Hispanic and Asia n people) it is sad to see when an elderly sick person comes to the hospital, and perhaps moved in with, or had move in with them a family member or two, and proud of their caring relatives and now that they are in a hospital the family wants them placed in a facility, and refuse to pick them up even if they are just as independent as before. Many dont qualify for a facility... and the family can not lawfully keep them from their homes.. but it is a shock to them, and huge disappointment when they discover the so called loving family isnt so loving. Sometimes there's a good reason. But actually not usually. Having another person even with income, means more work often and as long as the elder is a helper its fine. If they can't anymore suddenly its not ok. When the family finds out the persons income will stop being accessible to them if they are placed in a facility.. wow then often there's backpedaling... magically they can handle it. O e poor woman had 2 weeks or less to live and was alone. She wanted to die at home. Her sister lives in the same town. Her sister refused because she likes to go to the city twice a week to visit friends and wasn't willing to miss a visit. Although some parents are abusive and toxic, and i can see the kids saying no..in most cases its entitlement and refusal to give a darn and unwillingness to make changes even if short term..
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I never married or had kids. Never had a desire to. My parents will be 85 this summer. When they transition to the other side I’ll be alone. An elder orphan. I do have alot of friends who care. My friends are my chosen family. Unfortunately friends don’t have the access to medical information that blood family does. I’m researching how to set something up so one of my friends would be able to coordinate my care if/when I can’t do that myself. My biggest fear is being in a nursing home & being neglected because no one is checking on me/coordinating my care. I’m taking steps right now to make sure that doesn’t happen. Wish me luck 🍀 Sending light & love to all my fellow elder orphans ✨♥️
I’m like you. Looking for ways for care in the before hospice stage please share what you find out. Have a forum. I’d happily pay for shared knowledge. I’m scared.
@@ellenritt7667 I don’t need to be paid. But thank you for offering 💜 Us elder orphans have to stick together. Someone from my local Area Agency on Aging sent me information about a DURABLE HEALTH CARE POWER OF ATTORNEY. I haven’t consulted with a lawyer yet. Quite frankly I can’t afford to consult with one. If you find out anything please let me know. BTW, how can I join your forum?
I am 62, chronic illnesses and pain. My husband has a traumatic brain injury, his mother has Alzheimer’s we have two children with small kids. I’m a loner and I don’t want my kids to have to care for me. It is hard for my husband and I to take care of his Mom but we are doing the best we can, she is 89 and is such a wonderful person. I can’t imagine her not having anyone in her life.
@@thefuzzfactor2989 Thank you for saying that 🙏 I’m not sure I will have always have that though, my adult kids and I aren’t very close. They are great when it comes to me spending time with the grandkids, had they not had children I think our relationships would have been strained or non existent.
I have accepted my situation at age 64, which is one w/o family. Wish you lived close, we'd do lunch on Mondays, dinners on Wednesdays and cards on Friday night!
I would love that. I’m nowhere near 64 yet, but it’s just my husband, myself & our dogs. Family wound up being a joke. Before my dad passed, he told my brother,” watch out for your sister.” We never hear from my brother unless we initiate it or he wants to brag about some new toy he bought. Because I didn’t get a master’s degree, he thinks I am beneath him. His wife is a real piece of work as well. My husband has his master’s so my brother speaks with him but he rarely talks to me. No reason for that other than he turned into a snotty jerk & we weren’t raised that way.
I'm in the same boat and divorced 25 years ago. My oldest brother passed away in 1976 and it almost destroyed my family but we survived. Sadly, my mom died the last day of 2014. My other brother passed three years later and my dad died in 2020. I did not think I would ever get over those deaths. Then, last year, my only child, my daughter, died, leaving me now with three grandkids as extended family. My youngest granddaughter was adopted to a lovely family in Ohio (I'm in NV) so I don't see her but I do get phone calls, pictures, videos, texts, etc. My middle grandchild, my grandson, lives in town but I only get to see him twice a year. My eldest grandson literally lives on the corner near my house and virtually never has any time for me, and I do mean never. We are not in any type of dispute or disagreement. He just never makes time for me, even on the Holidays. This started at the same time he moved in with his girlfriend but even if she is the antagonist in this situation, he should have the backbone to tell her that he would still like to see me. Obviously he has not. To say I am heartbroken is an understatement. I have realized that I, too, must simply except this and hope to befriend more people my own age. That is not an easy task at 66 years of age but I will continue to try. In the meantime, I have my awesome boxer, Monkey, and he is a love who really keeps me on my toes. My deepest sympathy to anyone else who is enduring this unforeseen sadness. I would never have thought my life would be so empty this far down the line.
A narcissistic family system is very difficult to decipher since it is all a child has known. This is why the scapegoat child will people please themselves into being targeted by narcissists when they become adults. It is what the scapegoat is used to having to do simply to survive as a child.
People Always Assume That If You Come From A Big Family That You Are All Close & Support Each Other.....NO! Youngest Of Seven, Lots Of Estrangement, Lots Of Scars, Lots Of Grief..... I Deserve Better!! I Wasn't Able For Several Reasons To Start A Family Of My Own ...Once My Mother Died In 1996 The Fractioning & "Factioning" That Already Happened Up To That Point "Caught Up!" Lots Of Family Gene/Disease Shit I've Dealt With My Whole Life & Still Do Today - I Thought I'd Have My Sisters As We Get Older - I've Been There For Them When They Allowed Me To ...But I Don't Have Anyone Close Either..... This Isn't What I Chose! I Came Into The Wrong Family! And Today Is Father's Day, My Moms Birthday Was Yesterday...I Remember Them Less & Less Every Day😥
Camille Paglia makes a great case that women have been horribly shortchanged by the nuclear family and the lack of community. I have been an orphan since I was 11. I married and adopted her family. After I divorced her that all vanished. I have 3 wonderful, emancipated, intelligent and healthy kids. Tried dating in my own age group, and that has been a failure because the women are traumatized, don't trust, and either want a provider financially, or have way more money than me. I'm happy alone living my life. Downsized (thank goodness) from the 4 bed house (she kept it, and paid me) to a very large centrally located one bedroom. I have a wine fridge. My children love and respect me. Everything else I can take care of myself. Good luck to you ladies.
Sharing DNA doesn't mean family. Make friends, even 1 or 2, who respect and love you because they're your family. Love and stay close to God because if nobody else loves you, God does. ❤
Yep same here …,my dad passed when I was a child mom passed in 2016 and then I found my brother dead in his sleep in 2022. All my aunts and uncles are gone and I only have a couple first cousins that I am not a bit close with
Wow. Sounds a lot like me. My mom and dad are gone. Two older brothers from whom I grew apart from as we grew up. The one aunt and uncle I was close to are gone. When my oldest brother died in a motorcycle accident, my other brother-who lives on our childhood property that I pay taxes on-didn't even bother to call and tell me. He wrecked on a driveway just down the road from where my brother lives so he knew right away. NOT ONE person in my family called to give me condolences. My cousins who I thought I was close to, two brothers, said they hadn't seen my brother in years, as if that is a reason not to care for someone. It hit me really hard how little my family cares for me.....and most likely each other.
Hello Elder Gal...I just subscribed. Love your honesty. :-) Anyhow, I was doing a Search on "FAMILIES of today" and this video popped up. I am in a VERY similar situation as you are, except that I do have a husband, but no children (ie: we could never have children after many miscarriages, so we just gave up, and never adopted either). Most of my extended, (very large) Italian family lives in Europe and I have not kept up w/ them since my Dad worked for the Red Cross and moved us all to America, thus, I never went back to Europe---I basically just became an American, decades ago, took my Citizenship Test etc.( I then worked for the Gov't & public School System, went to Graduate school...). I have only one sister and we are not close---she too married a man wo doesn't want to be close to relatives. So, she's like him, & just does her own thing---and lives 3000 miles from me anyhow. She's always been jealous of me, and it showed in her misdirected anger towards me. No matter what I tried, she was too jealous to want to let me in her life. So finally, I just gave up. Too toxic a situation. It's as though she's no longer my sister. So sad! All my other relatives who lived in Boston and Brooklyn NY have passed away...Most never had kids and if they did, they've died too. Then when my Dad died a few yrs ago, my nuclear family changed too. Luckily, my Mom & I are very close, but she is almost 95 and lives in an Asst Living place. She's still GREAT! Doing well for her age.But once my Mom is gone, I will have no more living relatives. And since my husband is almost 10 yrs older than me, once he's gone, then YES, I will be completely alone--like you. He too has few relatives and comes from a tiny family. And they're all getting old too. I've always had many friends. Many childhood friends have since died though. Some live too far away from me by now. Many current friends who live near my home though, are still here. But they are all getting old too--like me. Anyhow, about all I can do is just live every day best I can. If I think about my future---ALL ALONE--it makes me too sad to think about. So I partake in my hobbies, and try to stay as healthy as possible. Hint= I stay away from NEGATIVE NEWS because there's so much of it now, that it can take over your life in a very Toxic way. Not sure what will happen to America in the near future. But if I think of all the potential horrors, I will be of now use to anybody and worry myself sick. Thus, I try to stay positive and vote all Local and Nat'l elections & hope for the best. I eat healthy. I exercise. I do gardening. I go to Museums and Art and Music celebrations. I do meet many people, but they are acquaintances, basically. But that's OK too.
Aside from having no family and no friends, the best thing in life to do is make yourself happy. Make a list of hobbies and activities that you’d like to do or that you’ve never done before and start doing them. There are so many lonely people in the world that doesn’t have anyone in there lives sitting home and feeling depressed in which that doesn’t mean that you have to be or feel that way. Start making changes like I did. Go on a cruise or take a vacation somewhere, change the old habits that you are doing and do something new in life, join a gym, etc., that’s how I see it. Go out and have some fun with your life.
Dad gone. Sister gone. Brother gone. Mother is living in a home. My last brother lives elsewhere. My grown kids live far away. Being alone. Really alone as I am noticing my age. Thankfully I’m safe, read, can drive and enjoy cooking. Visits are very few. Can’t say I’m sad, but I do wonder how they are. Alienation. Seems cultural divide has been designed. Honestly, most of the time, I’m fine with it. Sometimes I want to talk/share/about common experiences. Oh well. Solitude is my friend. Best to Us all.
