I don't agree with the "baby crying from an oversensitive temperament and the parent being too attentive" theory. Babies aren't too versed in self-regulation, so they do need a parent's attention. Most of the time, a baby cries because something is wrong, like wet diaper, hungry or in pain. Colic is pretty common and quite painful. A baby crying in pain then seems to be blamed on the baby being difficult.
Yes. It’s completely at odds with attachment theory. The healthiest people in relationships have secure attachment. I was really surprised he included that.
I have been with a cnpd / bpd single mom. There is a big difference when you see this happen up close. Its hard to explain this in theory, but I can speak from my experience that the smothering she did was horrible. It wasnt just being attentive anymore, it was a full blown obsession with the baby/toddler I experienced it as a suffocating dynamic.
I’d like to know the source too! Although in his theory it could be that attentiveness as an infant, followed with the inconsistency and abuse he mentions afterwards? That definitely surprised me too, I’d like to see the research he referenced
I have NPD. As a kid, my parents vacillated on an hourly basis between over-the-top praise ("you're so perfect," "you're so much smarter/prettier/more talented than these other kids") and vicious belittling ("you're a failure," "you'll never amount to anything," "you're a bad child/you're rotten to the core.") Granted, my parents are also narcissists. How much is nature versus nurture, 🤷🏻♂️.
I would venture to guess most of it's nurture. There's probably some validity to someone being more prone to becoming one in an environment that nurtures NPD, via a particular innate temperament. But so called PDs are defenses developed over time. It's always possible I suppose for a baby to be born without the mechanisms in the brain that give us empathy though.
We are taught about secure attachment in Early childhood as being vital for healthy adult development. This is what you are saying-basically the parent did not know how to be empathetic and connect with the child and the child basically did not learn this either. I have a narcissistic father and it was so difficult for him to understand the most basic thing about caring....that paired up with the view of male dominance is a very dangerous mindset for a father to have towards their daughters.
After watching this, I just realized that I’ve done some of these things with my daughter, who is now 17. I had no idea that what I was doing, buying her things for instance because I struggle with affection from my own childhood trauma. Now she’s become so manipulative and mean towards me, it’s like I’m in an abusive relationship with my daughter. This scares me. I’m worried I’m never going to be able to fix our relationship.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to admit our mistakes and seek help. Just know that you're not alone and there are resources out there to support you.
As a parent I did a few of these behaviors and now my children are high on the narcissistic scale. God, I wish schools had taught classes on parenting as I had very poor role models myself.
I recall one time when I missed a connecting flight home- instead of trying to help My Mother told Me "These things never happen to Me"...Unreal...I could go on and on
Thank you for this insightful explanation! Oddly enough, not all people with this kind of biography seem to become narcissists. From my personal experience, there seem to be some who develop a very caring and introspective personality instead. Maybe an alternative source of love support makes the difference... but this process seems to demand a lot of humility and self reflection. I would love to know what are your thoughts on this...
My narc had oxygen deficiency at birth so mom coddled him and father was terribly verbally and physically abusive in a loveless home, totally emotionally absent parents no communication allowed, no warmth. Sexual abuse by a male sibling and other forms of abuse. Two years with him was extremely destructive two years away now and still struggling to find myself
I’m sorry you went and are still recovering from this. Its a similar story for me. 2 years later and still can’t open up to anyone or feel much. I have to rebuild myself up from scratch again. Meanwhile he had an entire new family he started.
What if you go through a lot of these instances and become antisocial rather than trying to control your relationships like a narcissist? …Because I don’t value relationships; I researched to find that I have a ‘radical personality’, not a narcissistic one. I admit that my life isn’t as extreme as this video explains but it’s still walking along the same path… There must be a deeper root than these things, there must be a factor where the child expects to be a leader when he doesn’t understand his own personality… only because I think that’s what defines me as a radical. Apparently Radicals have a strong sense of self, so much so that they will fight against narcissistic personalities, like Tyranny or Selfish corporations or what have you… they become the protester and the protagonist types. I don’t know… I agree these must be all factors, I don’t have a problem with these videos, but I wonder if there’s some sort of root where the child doesn’t actually gain a sense of self…
You've brought up some really insightful points! It's fascinating how our childhood experiences shape our personalities and how we relate to others. Exploring these depths can help us understand ourselves better.
@@DrDanielFox just as an added perspective, I had the thought right now rereading my own comment; maybe it’s possible that the narcissist doesn’t find a sense of self due to a lacking relationship to his/her own parents. That would be the one thing I did have, a good relationship with my parents- at least enough to understand who I am. One particular narcissist who snuck up on me in the past, had told me that his father abandoned him at a young age and that his mother never really gave him a lot of attention. So looking at my comment, made me realize that maybe the parents having a relationship with the child is the actual root, that if the child doesn’t have a relationship with the parents he/she can’t get to know him/herself and then tries to control relationships in an effort to get to know him/herself better… or to mold him/herself because he/she has no self,… or something along those lines. I’m sure you’d probably have a more pragmatic view then I would, but maybe that’s the actual root factor. Just a final thought. Great video btw.
I watched my sister develop narcissistic tendencies as my narcissistic mother would shame and put her down. My mother was abusive & neglectful. My father sexually abused us. My brother has narcissistic tendencies- he was put on a pedestal.
I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences. It’s heartbreaking how family dynamics can shape us in such negative ways. Thank you for sharing your story; it takes a lot of courage to open up about these issues.
Thank you. Your channel is a beacon - it aids healing & adds knowledge- which is what I have been searching for ❤. As a child, in times of trouble, the spirit world (God) was my guide- my parents.
Thank you kindly for sharing. If I may share my ¥2 worth from a beneficial clinical psychology viewpoint as well as philosophy of East東. Oddly enough West西 seems fixated on quick & easy solutions. i.e. Prozac (albeit, psychiatrist prescribed, rarely took into account the toxic毒 effects such may have on family. i.e. narcissism caused depression & anxiety, which caused borderline, Obsessive-compulsive disorders, etc... AND it ALL keeps coming back, over & over 又と又. Psychology神 is key鍵, always has been . . .
Thank you for your insightful comment! It's always interesting to hear different perspectives on the topic. I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you kindly as well for taking the time to share your thoughts as well, hence (Japanese arigatou gozaimashitaありがとうございました) better fit than my saying "thanks Dan". Perhaps we are sharing vital 人 bio feedback? Distracting nuances aside, Mother 母 (haha in Japanese) soon to be 84歳, may be in the midst 中 of a hoarding disorder? Seemingly Path t道 cluttered, yet 大丈夫 (All good) Thank you kindly reading
My mother was splitting on me and abusing physically was also overprotective snd neglectful at once helicopter parent and had i invalidating environment my dad abandoned me and was emotionally neglectful and emotionally abusive i have bpd npd with aspd and hpd trsits
5:00 so far, this seems like an extension to BPD. The parent initially rejects the child and leaves them to die, only to then praise them to the highest degree when the kid does something good and comfort them when they feel bad. So the kid learns they can get their parent to be around them by simply either exceeding or seeming to be feeling bad. Edit: the child successfully figuring out a way to get their parents to un-give up on them.
Very interesting video ...... iblove how you make note that these developments are seen in bpd as well ...... I've allwaysbhad a hard time understanding how some peole and therapist can get me confused with narssasisum and this adds another peice of the puzzle .... the first one is something my mom got yelled and shamed about was being overly attentive to us kids .... I even get mad at her expecully with my older sister who's low cog as she gives into any meltdown she has as damage control but even with my as im the only boy and cant deny im a mamas boy for this reaosn grated my father also havjng trama dident connect with us as well as he could ....... and some of th3se things my parents ahve done in this video but not as malicious as this makes it sound ..... just around Thanksgiving my fam had a huge fight agen and my mom wasn't gonna talk to my middle sister and my dad didn't want to talk to my mom and thank the universe im in a diffent state as th3se are issues we have had our whole life...... but it makes since the peole with bpd who have narssasitic traits but not enough to be on the narssasitic spectrum would have similar origin story's so to speek lol ...... and in some ways has made me able to be a care giver for a autistic partner probably cuz I'm used to being so distant in close relationships...... very interesting.video ..... expecully allows me to see why my older sister has some really bad narssasitic triats that I can even be around...... I just Haye seeing my parents as narssasitic cuz there not .... but they have similar parental actions.... they just never shamed us or I mean belittle.... they deff praised and got distant but never really called me names .... that was my community out the home...... ty for this video has some really grate info if you can get past the rejection triggers and bring on panic lol you really good and giving test to work on th3se things ..... ps the term resentment is so true as that's what drives any of my meltdowns .... to much resentment
Thank you so much for watching and for your insightful comment! I'm glad you found the video interesting and that it helped you make connections with your own experiences. It's always fascinating to see how different psychological developments can intertwine. I appreciate your support and I hope you continue to find value in my content!
my ex became a narcissist because he had cancer as a child, got his leg amputated and never felt whole due to it. also he never got to know "no" because he was so extremely sick (which is understandable from the parents' side). years after we separated he texted me: i thought it was you but it's not. i am so ugly towards all women, before you, after you, i don't know why but i can't stop it.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's important to shed light on the impact that past experiences can have on someone's behavior. It's crucial that we promote understanding and empathy towards others who may be struggling with their own demons.
