I feel better single than trying to date with BPD. It's almost like the relationship itself triggers bpd, jealousy, insecurity and all these other bad things to where I don't even like myself anymore, let alone them. So I sorta push people away and then complain that I'm alone. Vicious cycle. 😔
I also push people away a lot in relationships and am more prone to having my BPD triggered by my partner. But I was lucky to find someone that's willing to be extra patient with me. I explained my tendencies and as many of my triggers as I can think of, little things he can do to keep me calm (telling me when he's going to be out, when he's coming back, work schedules, any plans that are going on). Everything negative I'm feeling I will tell him and explain what thought process got me there so he understands me better and is able to correct any misunderstandings I might have had. He communicates his bad moods or thoughts with me as well because chances are I'm going to think he has an issue with me. I definitely feel the need to keep things to myself because of how irrational some of the thoughts sound even to myself but it builds on itself and if people aren't aware of what's going on in your head they won't be allowed to set things straight either. Sorry for the long response but maybe it could be helpful to someone in some way. I've spent a lot of time by myself working on myself because I've been unable to find a professional to help treat me for this, and I've made a lot of progress by changing some of my habits and approaching things in a different way.
I used to have servere but thanks to DBT and an amazing therapist I no longer fit the criterias for BPD. I believe in every each one of you - you can do it. Lots of love!
I realized by watching this that "unstable self-image" is a problem for me. I never realized it before but when I'm ignored, which seems to happen a lot at work, I start to feel like I'm not worthy or good enough and automatically think people dislike me.
I saw a comment saying it's either absent or severe for them... I can relate. It's either nonexistent or really bad for me too. Everything fluctuates daily, if not hourly. I'm now aware of it. And 100% of the time, it's triggered by the person I value the most and the fear of being abandoned by them and losing them. And that fear is always triggered by jealousy. But the difference is I'm not the type to engage them head on and act out, I take it out all on myself. (I did have a history of lashing out violently on an ex-partner though, but after that I really felt sick, until now I am still remorseful and it's been several years already. I won't let myself do that ever again to anyone.)
@@jeffreyquinonez8964 I do well by questioning my bad thoughts and learned to doubt the validity of them, asking myself if it was warranted. I take things more at face value now. It helps a lot for me.
@@jeffreyquinonez8964 The chatter started in mid september for myself. Currently on disability n coming into undestanding that my mental health was/is ok. It is mind bullying focus technology. Like someone being focused in on me 24/7 sending bad thoughts into my recieving mechanism. I was in the process of continuing my goal of a house cleaning business but it got so bad that disability was what i was basically forced into. So people plotted against me and tried shredding my perceptions of reality and r still currently trying to currupt my mind thought area. They swarm me at night in my bed breach into my home and have been extremely dibilitating. Working on cognitive piveting as whomwver does this to me will follow me wherever i go. It must b a game for them. They try to gain access to how and what i m thnking n dominate my thoughts. I can hear them now either outside of my apartment or from a remote location or in another house in the aparment complex i live in. They tried to make me like an insane agent of chaos n still try. They brees hostility n anger inside of my body through mind focus manipulation. They sent vouces n now 2 broadcasts coming from the inside of my skull. I rarely do anything because of this. They almost succeded in putting out my spark. The choas n trauma hits ive taken in the last 9yrs r beyond whst any person should endure. The trauma also opens the head. Making the head easier to access and if they r people that might b targeted by these ways then theres ways to get through it. Now i narrate my life at times pointing out the abuse thst flys under societies radar. They plan they attack. Anyway. R heads r my main concern. Thank you*
I did not contact her for 12 days, I wanted her to contact, when she did I lost my peace and responded rather with as if wanting her back. She had left me 3 months back. She asked for marriage on 3 Rd meeting and later left me upon realizing my bpd from experiences where I lashed out after helping her with her every school assignment. I feel ashamed, I lost job , I feel emotionally troubled, I tried meditation but still I am not doing well..I remain empty stomach for hours, days...I have lost 15 kgs in 4 months
Best channel that doesn’t demonize people with borderline personality disorder and explain it better than the shallow explanation (reducing it to changing hair colors!). There is invisibility in it! It’s not attention seeking!
It is so exhausting! Dr. Fox says sleep is crucial for us. I am having no luck when forming a concrete sleep routine. Routine works great for 2-4 days and then my mind just decides "nope." I'll be in tears because of my mental, emotional and physical exhaustion yet cannot rest. Does anyone experience this? Have you found a method that works better than anything else to solidify a sleep routine?
@@samiishayne7656 yes, i get this a lot. Im up most nights, sometimes just because my mind seems to be quieter then but insomnia is a real issue for me. I find meditation works really well sometimes, i know its not for everyone. Either that or having something familiar in the background like a tv show or music you like, turned down low. Again i realise its not for everyone x
Is it just me or has anyone else become essentially a master diplomat because of the way your BPD can affect relationships and friendships? Ive noticed it in myself, i could go off at someone but once i calm myself down i find im easily able to maneuver my way back to good standing or back to how it was before rather quickly to preserve the relationship/friendship.
Man, in some sort of weird ass way, I feel kinda better, that I'm not alone in this. Feels like I can't be understood with this disorder. I keep hearing get over it, it's life.
This was one of the most helpful BPD videos I have ever seen on here. It helped me figure out what symptoms are the worst for me. I wish more people, including professionals, understood that not every person with BPD has every symptom and if they do they don’t have them as intensely as others. BPD looks different for everyone. Thank you for actually seeing us for who we are individually and not just treating us like we’re all the same.
This video made me realize that my BPD is pretty severe, but I do a better job of keeping it together than I give myself credit for considering everything going on internally. I meet all of the criteria on some level, and that realization is making me feel a bit more empathy towards myself in this moment.
As a commenter on another video put it, an exhausting shitstorm of a life. I'm in my 60s and lived with this nonsense all my life not knowing what was going on until 2016. At this point in my life trying to treat BPD with little success just doesn't seem worth the effort anymore. I don't think I have enough years left on this earth to actually successfully treat this nightmare of a disorder and come out a success story. Thanks for all your info Dr. Fox.
62 and just realized I have bpd. Explains my whole life. Have no life. Can't keep a job. I'm so tired. I just want it to end. I pray every day for God to take my life.
58, same. Just recently been diagnosed and now see my past in such a different way, it makes complete sense and at the same time nullifies whatever pride I may have had. I feel I'm bound for a miserable old age. No job, no close friends, stuck in a place I don't want to be. I'm on a waiting list for therapy, but can't imagine it saving my life and hope - most likely in vain - for a merciful death ASAP 😢
I have suffered from depression since I was 8 years old, was diagnosed with BPD at 13, developed severe psychotic symptoms when I was 30 and at 47 am back where I started being diagnosed with BPD. I have been to psychiatric hospitals, Psychiatrists, psychologists, taken numerous medications, done groups, am case managed by local mental health teams, did DBT in 2008 and have had no relief for the last 40 years. The scars on my arms reflect the pain I have been through. I have only discovered your videos on RU-vid in the last week and have found them very educational. I am hoping that somewhere down the road there is a brighter world for me.
bpd has great prognosis , the best I think among all the personality disorders. There is hope. You already want it, now just work for it. I love you sm. You can do it
Main issue for me is emptiness, abandonment and loneliness. A bit of inward anger too but that is manageable. Other big one is suicidal thoughts. Thanks ♥️
I have the isolation and abandonment issues also. It's actually true my family is completely dysfunctional. I have no one and my one bff passed away a few years ago. I'm really alone
@@reallythere Sorry to hear that. I am sure it is so hard to handle all these emotions and difficulties in the past and now all by yourself but you have to teach yourself that negative and repetitive thoughts don't lead somewhere positive and safe, it just amplifies the problem..me too I have a dysfunctional family! (
Same, I've felt that emptiness since childhood. Thought it was just depression for years but starting to see it as a bpd trait too. It feels bottomless
Can you guys also relate to when you're in a relationship with someone, you take them for granted, and may even have voices that tell you s/he isn't good enough for you and that you can do better, but once s/he breaks up with you, BPD goes through the roof and you become madly "in love" with them all of a sudden and get absolutely shattered?
And then when you get them back, you change your mind and they're an irritant? And push them away, and pull them back, and then one day you hear yourself trying to explain it, with every other word an apology?
This is why I was so confused with my diagnosis for some time. Often BPD is closely knit to the idea of difficult relationships, usually with a lover. The thing is that I don’t really fear abandonment nor do I struggle more in committed relationships, which are two of the most common and well known symptoms of BPD. I don’t present my aggression outwardly, but inwardly on myself. I now know that my borderline is quiet, and the main reason the former two symptoms are so mild for me is because I’m so numb to the idea of abandonment by now. My romantic relationships don’t feel overwhelmingly hectic but that’s because ALL of my relationships are affected equally. It doesn’t matter if it’s friends, a lover, family, or colleagues. Often they won’t notice either as I’m very aware of my emotional dysregulation and actively do everything in my power to push those feelings down before they can present themselves to anyone. I think it’s really important to understand that a lot of BPD symptoms are about how the person afflicted copes, and everyone copes differently. It’s all the same feeling of elevated emotions but there are so many responses to that, from intense physical aggression to becoming void of outward emotion.
I hope this question isn't too personal, but how did you become numb to the fear of abandonment? I also am one of the Quiet BPD folks, I internalize so much it gets so overwhelming sometimes I black out trying to not let anyone else see it. I lose time frequently. It is more difficult when I'm around people . And relationships, romantic or otherwise, are not anything I can handle at all. I write a lot of texts that I delete instead of sending so I don't lose the person forever. I'm 45 and have been struggling with this since I was a teen. A good therapist who doesn't pass me off to their supervisor is hard to find. I've been on a waiting list for 54 weeks now. When I'm at work and I start internalizing, that rage is like I swallowed fire and it is still burning. I get so anxious and scared that I'll alienate anyone around me, that I will stop at nothing to hide it.
Great idea. I've seen all different levels of bpd. So some people function at a high levels some don't. Everyone should be assessed individually. New clinicians may not see the difference in people with this diagnosis. Often they would come to me and state I have a multiple in my office. It was simply splitting.
I was diagnosed with BPD 20 years ago. I'm just tired. Exhausted from myself . I feel I will probably never have a happy healthy relationship . All of my exes say I will die alone ..nobody wants to hear that but I think they are on to something and it painful to hear. Nobody ask or wants BPD my daughter has it as well and it's painful to see her have to suffer . There is so much hate for us ..we didn't sign up for this. Just stay away from us and leave us be if we are such "evil monsters " the no empathy is bs I give and give until I give out . its hard for me to watch anyone suffer and after I say mean things i can't take it back but I replace it with something they have wanted a suprise or something nice . its painful. Walk a mile in our mind. You couldn't.
Thank you for sharing and I’d like to encourage you to challenge some of those beliefs and scripts that you have about yourself in your life. I think that if we can challenge our perspective, build insight into our core content and surface content then we can start to make changes to live our life differently. I wish you all the best.
Sounds like my sister could have written this. You are not alone in your suffering. Please please please be kind to yourself. There is a beautiful little girl deep inside you who just wants loving kindness and attention. No one else can reach her though, so you have to feel that tenderness for yourself. Over and over and over again. It’s so not easy to be us.
I have an adopted brother. He's always said to everyone that sometimes he hears voices in his head. I've always thought to myself but never said that I'd for many many years now welcome other voices. That way someone could shut me the fuck me. I've grown so very weary of myself and the cyclical nonsense I co created. I can also see my son showing signs of something similar. Breaks my heart. I do not want him to feel anything like what I've felt. These are not normal emotions. I developed this from my mother. 15 years ago I left an amazing woman and I said goodbye to all my friends. I thought something was deeply wrong inside me. I felt I need to protect my ex from me in some way so she could have a better life. I isolated completely for many years. I was the nice guy for a long time but I Gave into the monster and darkness inside. That was so long ago. I never really stopped running. And I hurt people along the way. I think for me the healing is going to involve forgiving myself and seeking forgiveness. I feel extremely lost again with anxiety taking over. But I think the answer lies within ourselves. And a great partner will help heal. But not everyone gets that. Anyway I hope you find what brings u solace.
I had 8 out of 9 traits of bpd, nearly lost my life to this illness but today bpd is simply not a thought in my mind, I don't have any traits of bpd anymore. Started doing a podcast years ago explaining my journey. It's definitely can be done in that a healthy life can be lead.
@@mohamedzayan4882 it's called You Me and BPD, I'd love to come on here, not to promote the podcast because to be honest I don't promote it as I'm not into social media or anything like that but I know within myself that I not only live a very good life but all that energy I used to use to just stay alive I'm extremely strong in my mind now and for me it breaks down to 4 things Food Sleep Exercise Reflection
@@paulettaphillips3659 we are different, not wrong but just different and that's ok, a hybrid car looks the same as a petrol/diesel car however it's just wired differently. We see the world in a different way, that's all. Look at how open we are with each other once we find our own kind as if we were from the same country meeting each other from abroad. ☺️
I'm currently in DBT group therapy through the VA. I'll be working with a VA therapist in February. Don't give up hope knowing you have BPD. I went through the video and finally finished it today. I started this video with my wife weeks ago. I still have moderate to severe symptoms. But knowledge is key. I know I'll resolve my BPD in the future.
You're an inspiration to us all. You mentioned the VA, please accept my unwavering gratitude for your sacrifice, your bravery will never be forgotten. And DBT?! You're a hero x2! I appreciate you, and your comment turned my frown upside down. I think your wife is absolutely amazing, as well, for going through this video with you. Again, you're an inspiration, never discount that about yourself.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMPASSION!!!! I can't tell you how much I appreciate that you make content without contempt for the BPD person. I've seen SO MANY creators that just seem that they hate us and portray us as dangerous...its so heartbreaking and demoralizing. It makes me feel like a horrible, manipulative, dangerous person. I know that's not true. I feel that you educate people on BPD while maintaining our humanity. Thank you so so much
Thank you so much for your kind words! It means a lot to me that you appreciate the content I create. I believe in educating people about BPD while also maintaining empathy and understanding. Your support encourages me to continue doing what I do. Thank you again!
I remember when I was dealing with a lot of things in life and in my relationships, I thought I was going crazy. Over time I thought I had BPD and began watching your videos. I then went to my physiatrist and was diagnosed. I’m not 8 months in Dbt therapy and I have began feeling better! I also have so much more knowledge on how to mediate my own emotions, recognize when I need to react, and just general skills that help me be a good friend and person in general.
This was a big help for me to be able to step back & take a look at things. After a lifetime of struggles I know that I am in a far better place than I've ever been. I rated each question in 2 parts, a)as bad as its ever been and b) where I am now. This gave me a concrete visual. Most items are absent right now & a few are moderate. This clarifies the things I need to concentrate on for further healing. THANKS! ❤️
do you have a video on “what is BPD?” i would love to tell the closest to me that this is what i’ve been struggling with, but the demonization of the disorder makes it really hard for me to do so. i was diagnosed 3 months ago and haven’t told many people. simply sending someone a video would be of immense help, versus trying to explain it to people.
@@geraldfriend256 it means you daydream for hours at a time and have very elaborate fantasies and storylines in the daydreams. Normal daydreaming is a mild form of disassocition
@@UnseenOct I have that...the intense maladaptive daydreaming that lasts for hours. It's chronic and pervasive and it's wrecking my life. It sucks. People say I "choose" to focus on this but does a schizophrenic "choose" to hallucinate? Does an autistic person "choose" to be autistic? Does a diabetic person "choose" to not produce adequate amounts of insulin? Does a cancer patient "choose" to give themselves cancer? Do I "choose" to have major PTSD that triggers me into constant chronic dissociation that causes chronic fatigue syndrome in me? I don't think so.
I don't think I originally had BPD I think I developed bipolar disorder in my twenties and then was pushed into having BPD by association with crazy ass people in my family and then traumatic situations I definitely have ptsd. Makes me so angry because it made me someone who initially was just a little Moody and weird into someone that's now actually a threat. And it's f***** up every aspect of my life. And let me tell you no one understands and no one forgives they just cut you out they bury you with a gravestone with your name on it in their mind you don't exist to them anymore.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 believe me I know. I find myself daily having to prove to myself I am worth staying alive. That's how I have achieved the impossible. I WOULD GIVE ALL MY SUCCESS BACK If I could get my family to see and hear me but mainly love me. You are not alone
They say my disability severally effects my ability to relate to others and they put me on social security since I was 24 making isolating me from the workforce as well as being iced out of my own family because we call out the bull shit WE ARE RESILIENT!!!! To endure all we have we have to believe their is a higher purpose
It confuses me too. And they are apparently comorbids. I've been diagnosed with both. Yet they have the same symptoms, and the same causes. Why would I have two diagnosis that are in fact the same mental disorder? I have read that they are also commonly confused by psychiatrists: for example, they often misdiagnosed former abandonned children, that have often very severe c-ptsd due to the primal trauma, with bpd. Wich can lead to the bad treatment, more stigmas.. I am exhausted of looking for some objectivity in all this psychological puzzle, all these " disorders", like boxes we have to fit in. If you listen to the description of npd, it also confusingly sounds similar to bpd.. Somehow I am wondering if all this is not only charlatanism, like astrology, and that we can all more or less, fit into the dsm???
As a male doctor this idea might not come natural but I wanted to mention PMS for women. Also I don't know about research in this field. But for myself I noticed PMS making my symptoms really worse. Maybe you could do a video on the topic. You're helping me immensely by the way. More than any therapist ever did. I'm not even diagnosed BPD but since I started watching your vids it's so crystal clear to me. I think maybe BPD is not well known for doctors in Germany where I live.
I'm sure hormones play a role but I think for me it is 12-13 weeks a year that I am not just BPD, now I'm "gross" and will be avoided for that week. Which is silly because when I'm not being avoided, I'm the one avoiding them. Wanting what we can't have, adding to the list of things going on internally to be consistently conscious of.
yeah i forsure have this. i’m calling a specialist tomorrow. 31 years too long on my own - doing pretty well but the downs are low low. Thanks for all the help over the years Dr. Fox. I feel seen and understood.
Get help I jyst got diagnosed at 49 It is a miracle I'm alive Please get therapy I am in therapy but was told bi polar ptsd Etc Bpd explains my entire existence When I get one coming on I put in videos like this it hejos
I was proud of myself. When I was rating myself several of them a year ago I could rank severe, but today none of them ranked that high. I think 🤔 the reason is,and don't call me a liar, I started going to church regularly and made new friends. Mind you I am also suffering with MS. So I don't get to go out anymore. So not being able to go out whenever and spend money, and now feel closer to God I'm doing better.
My abandonment issues are so bad last month I jumped out a window and smashed my pelvis and broke my back. I’m recovering okay but scared my bum will not go back to how it was. I have body dysphoria and my appearance means a lot. I wouldn’t care if it didn’t look like this. He kept playing with my abandonment issues. He would break up with me nearly every day to the point I couldn’t take it anymore and jumped out a window . I’ve done so many extreme things because of abandonment . Everything that is said in this video I relate to deeply. I’m riddled with bpd and I’m destroying myself because of it . I feel like I don’t have long left
"He" is Toxic. Maybe more than you are as BPD person. BPD very often are attracted by narcissists. Don't let this kind of people hurt you so badly. I hope you can find help and someone better who deserves you, cause BPD can be very good and sensitive persons. 🤗
Life is so hard trying to live with BPD! It took me 36 years to finally hit the rock bottom and realise what I am! I’ve lost everything and everyone because of this disorder. I really hope therapy will help although I know it won’t bring back the people or relationships…
I hope you're doing better today. The only person you need to convince of your worth is yourself because that's the only opinion that matters. This may sound weird but it has helped me so much: try to show yourself unconditional patience and compassion. If you find that difficult, find a baby picture of yourself. Make sure your self-talk is kind enough to say to that little baby in the picture. Do you have pets?
For people with Borderline disorder is extremly difficult (if not impossible) to build any healthy friendly or lovely relationship. I never understood why people always abandoned me. All my relationships have been a total disaster. I lost all my friends and boyfriends and my family can't stand me. I'm completly alone. I sometimes I wish I never was born.
I have moderate BPD. DBT helps and energy therapy helps as well, however day to day throws me off. It used to be worse when I was in a toxic family and toxic work environment.
Yes. I cut out my toxic, alcoholic gas lighting parents and my symptoms of bpd are more manageable and i am able to reflect objectively alot better. Letting go of triggers is necessary. I also stopped working in retail and places where there is too many people and personalities. I work for old people, one on one and web cam. I am also back in school.
I was intense 10/10 for all 9 of those before I came up with my own treatment, now I'm basically a 1 or 2 out of 10 on each... A couple of interesting things though... First, about point 5, my means of risky behavior and or self harm was martial arts (it fooled everyone because harm is expected and yet martial arts are considered more constructive than destructive, certainly no one was looking for someone trying to get themselves hurt because they were too busy trying to make sure no one was hurting others... but over the coarse of 20 years I suffered over 300 fractures and several dislocations and psychologists always missed that because they were looking for more conventional means, but shame teaches most of us to hide our symptoms the best we can from others and ourselves so looking outside the box is important here). Second, although I no longer threaten suicide I do not hide that I am in fact suicidal... I'm just less impulsive and more dedicated to it's certainty now... I'm also not driven to it out of depression, fear, even anger (although such thoughts can enter my head from time to time)... mostly when I think of it now it makes me feel sorta happy and peaceful... I have long said that I am a terrible person to take to a funeral or talk about losing someone, because I don't relate at all to the people that have lost someone but instead I relate more to the dead (especially those that killed themselves, the words "Good for them, they finally made it out. :)" come to mind... and I feel happy for them and hopeful for my own passing). I know this in no way sounds ideal to most, but considering my life expectancy was shortened to 40 years at best by some meds a psychiatrist put me on when I was 12 (antipsychotics to treat my "severe depression" that was actually completely out of control BPD) and I'm already 35 I don't think it's too much to ask that I get to go out the way I want and not as somebody's lab rat lying in a hospital bed. Regardless, this was a really good video that should help a lot of people with BPD. :)
Hello. I read your comment. Just want to tell you that you are a unique, special, needed, appreciated person just because you came to this world, you own a human soul, one of the human race in this vast system of universes. You are not an accident. When those folks you know don't care or seem not to care, don't go with it. You didn't asked the entire human race if they feel that about you. You are just like everyone else and have your rightful place here. Besides, we all, with no exception, will get rotten down there when body will have enough. Nothing glorious or better there. Here is your place. See, how Creator sends the beauty in flowers, birds, animals, oceans, trees. You can see and touch: because all of it for you too. Studying philosophy, psychology, faith, journaling, those coping strategies and people like us, who can talk about things do help. I wish you relax and absorb the love that this earth has for us.
@@Sophia-hj3ko You misunderstand, I am relaxed. I'm writing a book while I work off my debt, and I'm helping people along the way when and where I can. But it's not enough to stay for, it's not about what other people do or don't think about me... it's about what I want. I wasted my life trying to be and do what others wanted and never being able to be that... that's not worth living for. But I've seen worlds beyond this one, and I gotta say that I'd rather be there than here. I don't want my death to be just another excuse for hate against this lifestyle I love. I am at peace with my end, my only regret is never having had someone worth staying for. What is a million dollar painting worth if only one dollar is offered for it?... it is important to recognize that unique and special don't make a person's time in this world valuable. That's something we determine by how we treat each other, and trying to keep a person around but not around to support your faith isn't treating that person with respect nor worth. The worst part about suicide is that nobody ever feels like you deserve it, and they never will.
6:28 is such a problem for me rn :/ everything is literally going my way, i just moved out, ive been sh clean for months, i got a cat whos an ANGEL(ive wanted one since i was like 5) i had been drinking less, and a friend visited me all the way from alaska (im in TX)- but i feel like a disasiter and relapsed in my sh and drinking and checking my ex/fp's socials, and i just feel 100% out of control to where i literally got in the car and was gonna slit my wrist at my ex's house (i didnt because a friend called and it kinda made me reconsider thankfully) just. uhg. why cant i let things go right???
Thank you, Dr. Fox for this video. Does suicidal ideation without attempts count? Or does it only count if we've attempted suicide or threatened to do so? I've had theses thoughts for 31 years, only recently exploring possibilities but have never attempted and know I can't without harming others.
Stay strong freelasage. I have never attempted either, I do not let myself get as close as I once was.I have found more artistic and creative parts of myself since those dark days and I think of all I would have left behind. Have a great day.
I’m 58 yo male. Loved a woman with 8 symptoms. Could never get her to recognize that she even had an issue. As my mental health started to unravel, I just had to walk away. Absolutely the hardest break up I’ve ever been through
Oh, she knew. Do you seriously think you were the 1st to tell her??? psssh She KNEW, she just wouldn't admit it to you. If you walked away without developing PTSD, consider it a good thing, no matter how difficult it was,.
@@MrFirstonraceday what a shitty thing to say about people with BPD under a BPD video where others are sharing their stories of managing their symptoms and changing their behaviors for the betterment of them and everyone around them. we are not monsters.
@@MrFirstonraceday for them? I get it you are traumatized from that relationship, but you can't generalise what your girl did to the rest of people. and as a quick reminder, while you were throwing stones at others, you forgot that you chose your partner and tolerated everything that happened until the end, neglecting yourself.
@Kahtrao, Borderline Personality Disorder is one of the disorders in Cluster B. Cluster B is a set of personality disorders which are, Narcissistic personality disorder, Antisocial personality disorder (a sociopath), and Hystrionic personality disorder (idk if i spelled that right. The disorders within Cluster B share symptoms that that people who hold these disorders may feel needs to get attention from others, and strong forms of it compared to the average person. Another symptiom of ppl with a personality disorder in Cluster B is that they have a sense that they're better than everyone. I'd like to mention that the people themselves who withold BPD aren't the monsters, but BPD itself is a moster that should be looked down apond and disliked. Fuck BPD, even a person who has the toxic traits of BPD can agree that it's shitty as hell
I behave normal until I get an amygdala highjack and then I'm just doing irrational things like overspending and going broke. It happen's once every 10 15 years but it's massive. I hate it. I lose everything each time. Then it's fine. But I'm truly not knowing who I am, I've no frame of reference. I also get the paranoia but it's days on end not hours. Dissociation is deep and I'm unable to address it. It's terribly disruptive. Every help and shrink I got just enabled me to do worse. They validate my crazy because I look so normal.
Before watching the video (I'll come back after and add to this if needed) I have noticed my bpd being less severe as I age. I am 37 and through lots of work and growing as a person it is affecting me and others less and less as I get older.
Officially accepted for CMH psychiatric services and much more, your channel wasn’t THE reason but it absolutely helped me realize that all psychiatrists and psychologists aren’t bad, but the last one I had was more an anomaly than I had been thinking. Thank you Dr. Fox I l look forward to transcending this hell I’ve been living in.
I don't know that it's super helpful to just go through the criteria like this and ask "how bad is it" when you're talking about an egosyntonic condition. The reason that it was so bad for so long for me and the reason I didn't understand my condition is because it felt like my relationships were normal. My anger was normal. My mood swings were normal. I didn't have a point of reference for what the absence of BPD symptoms would be like. I was hoping for examples of what, say, mild attempts to avoid abandonment vs severe attempts would actually look like. I guess it would probably be a bad idea/triggering to make a video with specifics beyond the text of the criteria though.
I feel very confused about my existence. I didnt rank severe other than impulsive behaviors. All others were moderate. I find it difficult to gauge reality. What people meanto say vs what i think they think of me. Asking folksquestions or trying to fake that im okay to avoid an argument or fight doesn't work. People get upset either way. Particularly in romantic arenas i see myself doing all the nice things for a partner but i don't receive it from them. Like even if they do the nice things im stuck sitting there wondering why are they being kind? and then a lil bit of anger and shame followed by affection or affirmations feels like home. But i don't want it to go. Like you stated in yourvideo I've been in therapy about 9months I've made tons of progress EXCEPT insight. I feel like i have cognitive dissonance and that's just messing me up. 🤦🏻♀️
I think my husband (of 15 yrs) has pretty severe BPD. He’s been told by two different therapists that he has it but didn’t go back after they told him. I’ve been looking everywhere for a therapist that specializes in BPD so he can get some help but can’t seem to find anyone. Our relationship sucks because he’s always mad at me for something… I’m always nervous because I don’t know if he’ll see me as an Angel or a demon day by day and it’s rarely associated with my actions so it’s incredibly confusing and can leave me feeling pretty hopeless. Any advice or resources would be mucho appreciated 😅
Ask your GP for a referral to a Hospital based therapist who specialises in Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT). Your partner does not mean to be the way he is, he is suffering from a severe disorder that can cripple an entire family/friend network but equally it can be the very thing that pulls everyone together. Your partner is unable to regulate his moods like the average person, we BPD's can go from severely depressed to Ok then back to shit all in the matter of moments. It is so exhausting & mentally stressful for not just us but those around us. I know it feels like you have to 'walk on egg-shells' around your husband but you're better off telling him how you feel this allows an oppurtunity for him to tell you that it's the last thing he wants you to feel when you're around him. By sharing your genuine deep down feelings & fears with each other this could help your relationship out more, I think. Remember, try not to get personally offended whilst your husband is not getting any treatment or other medical help. Treatment like D.B.T is a Ray of Light for a person suffering with immense inner pain and tormoil. I am terrible @ getting to appointments but when I enrolled into DBT for just under a year I actually started to look forward to my therapy sessions, especially the Group Therapy session once per week for 2 hrs plus a one-on-one appointment with my designated therapist once every 2 weeks.
The book "loving someone with bpd" by Shari manning is helpful. I have bpd & found that I needed to work on self help for shame & emotion regulation before I could personally handle sitting in a room with therapists. ❤
I sounded like you 10yrs ago. If he refuses to take responsibility, nothing will change. YOU can’t change him. You can’t save him. I need to leave. My love for him and hope for him getting help has been at the expense of our kids and my sense of self. At 28yrs together now, I wish I had stuck to “I won’t stay if you continue to refuse help.”
Dr. Fox, this had been incredibly insightful and i can't thank you enough for helping me understand my current situation. This is a long comment but i wrote down my scales and reason why i gave them that score. i have no idea what to do with them. 1. Moderate - (i have been already abandoned and so now i have this fear of rejection to the point i will avoid doing things that could lead to rejection. Also fear being abandoned by my brother. He's the only one who's kind to me.) 2. Severe (even when seeing people i like, 1 moment i like them, next time ya no, they're not ok- i don't like them. This has gone up in recent days. Maybe they said a word i don't like, or they did something i didn't expect them to do and i think it's somehow related to me and so i back off.) 3. Severe (i will say nice things to myself when i'm in a good mood or when doing something i like for eg dancing, exercising, painting. But in the bigger picture i know that i don't amount to anything. i have failed in life. i wither away in these 4 walls of my room. Couldn't escape my situation. i have failed No one can love me because in the past i have been rejected for being fat and ugly (their words not mine). One tiny mistake and i will go off on how i am a failure.) 4. Moderate (dissociation happens when i'm in complete negative spiral. But i mainly dissociate when something good happens. As if it's not for me. i'm not the one experiencing this or maybe this is all a dream and such a good thing isn't really happening to me. 5. Severe (have noticed i will impulsively multi task and stress myself out. i need to do more than 2 things simultaneously. i buy clothes on impulse, and most importantly i stay awake on impulse. i just won't go to sleep. i have quit job on impulse. Say i got a good chance at a university, tanked that too.) 6. Moderate (based on current situation, thought of committing suicide 3 times this year alone) 7. Mild (because i take mood suppressors) 8. Severe (can't be happy no matter what. Almost numb. Like i don't even know what i need atm. i don't have my priorities right, not at all.) 9. Moderate to Severe (has been moderate the last 2 weeks. But there's always a general irritability and anger at myself for such a living situation and for being a coward and not taking my life. Also angry towards mom a lot since i blame her for my miseries).
I just read your post. How are you doing? I know finding a therapist can sometimes be a lengthy process, but I really hope you've been able to find one. Also, you're not a coward for not going through with it, that's 100% a sign of bravery every single time you don't go through with it. BPD is one of the most successfully treated mental disorders. You may have to go through a few therapists, but you're worth it. I promise. ❤
In addition, it sounds like you've experienced a lifetime of difficult situations, but you made it through every single one of them. I hope you recognize the accomplishment in that. You're a remarkable human.
I have BPD and Complex PTSD, i use drugs to mask or to cope or minimise what has happened to me, I'm not sure. I have lost everything my children, relationship, my house, my car, my job and I was incarcerated for six months. Upon my release I was homeless, and have been for two weeks now.I always worked hard I had a beautiful house I used to drive a Porsche one thing that I've always been able to control is money I run my own business and I work really hard but now even that's gone. I have asked everyone I know for support and help. I've had to prove to everyone what I'm going through is valid. I've been suicidal for the last week no one's listening no one helped me the reality of it is nobody cares until its to late.
Hello, I have 9/9 severe symptoms of BPD. I am so hopeless right now, came out of hospital after 15 days. I wanted to ask if DBT for a year (outpatient treatment) would help me? this is my last hope to survive
Hi. I'm not a therapist so I can't respond to your questions, but I just want you to know that I lived with severe BPD for 30 yrs until I found the right help. Nowadays, there is so much more help for and understanding of the disorder. I hope you keep looking and learning. There is peace to be found. ❤
Is it wrong to say I wouldn't be able to manage my life if I couldn't split, it's just my brain saying this person is consistently hurting you ...they're not going to be able to hurt you again. I know that there are times when it wasn't necessary, but I would rather do that, and have the ability to stop caring on the spot ...it just happened with my person, there have been things happening for a while with tho.
I have issues with self worth, self image, with bilding healthy relationships, trusting myself and others, and addictive eating habits. But the other things are between mild and moderate. I mean i still have issues. But not the impulsive angry ones. This is why sometimes i feel like i dont have bpd at all. But there are still some issues.
On the matter of instable relationships, none of mine failed because I devaluated my partners, they all failed because I pushed them away before they could realize I wasn't worth it. I've grown very adept at sensing expectations and I project at others exactly what they want, and while I do there's always a question in my mind. What if they find out it's fake ? I perceive myself as a dead person trapped in a living body.
We BPD are family. It’s not on a scale. It’s how FREQUENTLY it plays the PRIMARY role. BPD is BPD is BPD. The less often it happens, the less interrupted your life is. 👍😊
I just want you all to know that bpd isn't a death sentence romantically. I've had my diagnoses for 5 years now and I have learned so much from Dr Fox and therapy that I'm able to help both myself and my partner (who is also borderline) grow and create a strong relationship with great communication. Communication is SO IMPORTANT AS A BORDERLINE. THERE IS HOPE ❤❤
@@LisaLisa001 that's such a great question! Honestly I think it would but it would be different for sure since thered be less anxiety and need for immediate affirmation through communication so we wouldn't have had as much practice but we also wouldn't have as many anxieties. So yes it totally would still work but with maybe less communication?
I used to be my worst when I was alone, but now I’m my best in hermit mode. Looking at the list, anything “moderate” or “severe” directly related with fear, anxiety, and anger that I experience as “triggers” around other people. Haha relationships will come eventually, I’m guessing once I’ve got one or two more “absent” self-management issues 😏
1. Mild 2. Mild 3. Mild 4. Mild 5. Moderate but this I'm working on 6. Mild only when doing inner work this is getting better 7. Moderate but I think it's triggered through inner work and toxic people from past but this will improve as inner work healed 8. Mild 9. Mild, it takes a lot of constant triggers 2 yrs ago i was Moderate mostly.
Dr Fox- Please consider getting a microphone or some mechanism to soften the hard sound that comes with your voice. I don't know the technical terms, but I believe it has to do with the hard surfaces in your room. It can feel blaring/yelling and it's just adds to the sensory work your listener may have to do to just hear the meaning you are imparting. I don't think this is just for those of us struggling with BPD (and have heightened sensory sensitivities); most regular podcasters and RU-vid speakers use a microphone that separates your voice from other sounds. Thanks.
My ex npd partner worsened my abandonment fears because he fed off of my negative emotions and reactions to my feeling of abandonment when he wouldn't answer my calls etc and didn't even live with me so he would kind of play and enjoy the crying and fears I had and they definitely love when you come back to them after breaking up (never go back to them if you were with a npd). That intense sheer feeling of Emptiness was the only reason I stayed with him or even bothered with him in the first place because I felt more alive (alive at all) when with him and felt I needed a partner to be accepted or to be recognised at all and be more normal (which isn't true at all) average people also stay together for those reasons too though but people with bpd cling to even abusive partners (as I did) which is very very sad because you are mentally ill, plus, you are tolerating abuse in order not to feel abandoned or empty
I never thought about this as being why I stayed with him so long! I know I was afraid of HIM, but not the emptiness! This explains a lot! I’m alone now, and prefer it. I know I’m “too much” for most people, as I’ve been told. And when I do let someone new in, (just friends), they tend to lay guilt trips on me, or take advantage of my “kindness”, when they actually manipulated the kindness out of me!!!
During the pandemic my BPD became extremely severe, I destroyed every relationship with every person in my life business and personal, my business used to be my safe haven, I had to interact with a lot of people all the time but it seem to go very well when everything was going well.
The pandemic has made things worse for everyone, even though people nowadays live their lives like nothing happened. It sucks that it damaged the relationship you had with people personally and business life. Desmond, I hope things get better for you and you are able to reconnect with those people.
@@in-tuition-fj9840 Some of them I don’t wanna reconnect with because they were a negative part of my life anyways, but I have made steps to reconnect with the ones that reciprocate instead of just take. Thank you very much, I appreciate your words of support.
@@Desmondbrown73 is always good to reconnect to those that reciprocate and respect you, not those that take advantage or disrespect, those people don't deserve your attention. Just keep moving forward with those close to your heart. You are welcome Desmond.
My behaviors are less extreme than they used to be and one one would think I'm relatively mild... But the thoughts and feelings... I'm still moderate /severe.
Oh god it's like you crawl inside my head...crazy!. My partner says jacki everytime you're in sight of happiness you sabotage it 🤣 1) Severe 2) Severe 3) Severe 4) Severe 5) Severe 6) Moderate 7) Severe 8) Severe 9) Severe.....very 😬 Am I still fixable 😁 🤞 Knowledge is empowerment...yes it is but i'm struggling to get there 🤘😁💖
my BPD frequently causes me to abandon my everyday chores, if that happens I get overwhelmed and paralyze for long periods of times. that leads to final notices extra fees and missing general reaction times set by others. it takes months to counter that and rebalance everything even if the trigger was minor in hinsight...... spiraling lasts usually 1 to 3 weeks and can swing either way. I was in BPD "tiefenpsychonologische Gesprächs und Verhaltens Therapie (DBT)" for almost a decade and it comes back deceitfully from all angles if I don't permanently actively regulate ....
I have all 9 of these at a severe level, but without outward rage towards others, just internally (I'd feel too much shame if anyone saw me lose control). I feel like my GP doesn't really care about me and just wants to diagnose me with something easy like ASD. His reasons were speaking with a monotone voice (I don't normally but every single time I see him I'm highly anxious and feel judged, seeing his eyes half closed like he is bored or annoyed with me when I explain how I feel, and being anxious makes me feel like I'm being choked and it's hard to control my voice), apparently my fear of rejection is somehow an ASD thing, and he says I have a concrete communication style, even though I'm literally sitting their taking ages to think about how I think he'd want me to say it and I'm trying to use terminology that he would be use to. My GP basically thinks I'm wasting my time looking for a psychiatrist but isn't giving me any other ideas for help, like even if I had ASD clearly there is something f*cked with my brain and I need someone to help me.
I self-harm/ sabotage, freeze, be moody, procrastinate, at HOME. In public, I dress well, coffee-UP to play the optimist, I'm a people pleasing doormat or angry self-righteous superhero, wanting APPROVAL.
Could you give examples of mild presentations of these symptoms? Doctors and therapists and even myself have gone back and forth for decades trying to determine whether or not I have BPD with no consensus. (Psychiatrists say I have it. Therapists have all either said I don't have it - including one who specialized in BPD and leads DBT groups - or they don't know). I've been rejected from DBT groups multiple times because I've been told I'm not "bad enough", and they work on a triage model to select group members. If I do have it, it's probably relatively mild most of the time. I don't feel like I fear abandonment; in fact, I spend a lot of time alone, partly because I'm so perfectionistic that I have a hard time with work/life balance, and I'm not very impulsive, but when I was in school especially, I had a severe fear of failure, and am extremely emotionally reactive to criticism and am very hard on myself.
Through therapy and hard work mine is much less. I’m blessed to have the tools to think through situations now. Your brain can quiet and there is definitely help and hope available.
My 37 yr old son was diagnosed with Asperger’s at the age of 10. He has all 9 symptoms severely. I always thought these symptoms were from the autism. Can someone have autism AND BPD?
Question if a M.D. (in training) provider tends scold or be direct with communication as a style of communication will this create a boundary between client and professional? Example client calls up and request an extra appointment regarding major life changes. Client want to share without interrupt from outside sources regarding the extra appointment. M.D. answer was since there was an appointment already made for Autumn, nothing can be done to accommodate. Client asked about medication refills. Response from M.D. you can only go through me not any on else in the clinic. My opinion is this person was very unprofessional and may have problems down the road working with individuals with Cluster B, or any other mental illness. Red Flag!
I feel like professionals don’t actually understand BPD. Unless you have it, you really don’t know. I’d love to see a psychologists that has walked in the shoes of a person with BPD, then teaches BPD patients how to live life. What’s suicidal threats? When people get to the point of suiside it’s not to put someone else’s life out. It’s Because they have got to a point in their life when it’s too much . A psychologist told me once , most psychologists cant be bothered with people like you. When I asked , what does , people like me mean.? His response was. ‘ people with BPD, always threaten to kill them selves, but don’t follow through’ I was gob smacked to say the least. Assuming by this response. Psychologists like that guy, push people with BPD, to kill themselves. But yet we’re told to see psychologists to get help. And yet we are diagnosed as the crazy ones. Professionals like him cause it.
My abandonment issues are so bad last month I jumped out a window and smashed my pelvis and broke my back. I’m recovering okay but scared my bum will not go back to how it was. I have body dysphoria and my appearance means a lot. I wouldn’t care if it didn’t look like this. He kept playing with my abandonment issues. He would break up with me nearly every day to the point I couldn’t take it anymore and jumped out a window . I’ve done so many extreme things because of abandonment . Everything that is said in this video I relate to deeply. I’m riddled with bpd and I’m destroying myself because of it . I feel like I don’t have long left
Dr. Fox, what about when your abandonment is actually taking place, or someone is absent and time becomes ridiculously slow? Where three minutes feels like days and when you look at the clock and see that only three minutes have passed you are in complete disbelief? Especially when that person was already supposed to have returned, the pain that envelopes you every second of time that passes. The restlessness and inability to distract yourself for very long. Is that BPD? What about when the fear of something terrible having happened to them becomes so overwhelming that logic and rationale mean nothing anymore? To the point that reality falls apart and you take insane risks to find them or persuade them to return? That you make major, irreversible mistakes when they're only six minutes late.. because that six minutes felt like an eternity in hell. Is that extreme BPD? That was my life... yet, I never hear anyone describe it like that.. the feeling of your blood being on fire beneath your skin.. Is that BPD? What is that?
I think suicide ideation can be used as a maladaptive coping strategy for people with BPD. I think for some individuals, turning to thoughts of suicide can give them a sense of escape and relief from their psychological pain. Obviously it's not healthy but I think it's not uncommon for people who struggle to emotionally regulate to use these thoughts as a coping strategy. Unfortunately I think at this stage things are probably quite severe and the individual is feeling quite defeated
Rn mine is mild but for years I was misdiagnosed. Misdiagnosis is a nightmare. I like to understand my maladaptive schemas so I can more properlytackle them
Is that the same as the fear of being alone? I'm not afraid to be alone anymore -- and I absolutely love being by myself now. It took me until age 62, but it was SO WORTH THE WORK AND THE THERAPY, WHICH STARTED WHEN I WAS 22, WORK WAS EXCRITIATINGLY CHALLENGING!!!!
Just came to know i have issue of BPT where as doctors were giving me medication for bipolar and depression. Many time i thought over some problem, i slept with acceptance of ongoing issue. next day brain doesnt accept the solution which i found last night or doesnt agree with solution made last night, i hope i am making sense.
Thanks for the information. Appreciate it. Made me see I am on the mild to moderate scale, and that is empowering in itself. And for those who think 'you have it easy then', this is after quite some therapy. Therapy can work. It is by no means a quick fix though. Wish all of you the best.
Can i have mild autism and BPD? I have been diagnosed as autistic but never as being BPD but I have a lot of signs that point in this direction when someone is a little more distant I immediately think of abandonment or disinterest, i get into a tantrum and my friend accuse me to be hysterical , I feel offended and angry. I tend to idealize or hate the same person and i do not know how i should behave with people
I’m here after trying to take my life and my psychologist told me about bpd so that could be this so my femme capable sent me your video and gosh everything is severe i am in psy for sometime so i wish we could figure it out Anyway thank you for your video it helped a lot figuring out
Fear of abandonment: only severe when it comes to my FP. Everyone else its mild Unstable relationships : moderate/mild. I dont have that many relationships Self image changes : moderate Separation from reality: this is hard for me to measure but I'll say severe. I live in the state of observer to myself Impulsive behaviour: mild. My binge eating only kicks in when I'm struggling with emotional heaviness Self injury: absent, been self harm free for almost 9 years now (physically). I haven't been s*icidal for many years too. Ive committed to seeing life through even though I'm lost through it Mood swings: severe. Severe. Emptiness : moderate. It used to be severe Intense anger: mild
