I started doing drugs since my teenage. Got addicted to heroin, spent my whole life fighting heroin addiction. Got diagnosed with cptsd. Also suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until a friend recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
I love hearing great life changing stories like this. I want to become a mycologist because honestly mushrooms are the best form of medicine (most especially the psychedelic ones) There are so many people today used magic mushrooms to ween off of SSRI medication- its amazing! Years back i wrote an entire essay about psychedelics. they saved you from death buddy, lets be honest here.
Hey mates! Can you help with the source? I suffer severe anxiety, panic and depression and I usually take prescription medicine, but they don't always help. Where can I find those psilocybin mushrooms? I'm really interested in treating my mental health without Rxs. I live in Australia don't know much about these. I'm so glad they helped you. I can't wait to get them too. Really need a reliable source 🙏
Thanks for sharing your story. That's rough I sympathize. Save your health save your mind. Life is better without heroin, cocaine, alcohol and cigarettes. And you have more money in your pocket. God bless everyone who has rejected the devils intentions to be addicted to alcohol and cigarettes etc which can cause so much damage to health. I will pray for you all.
After getting married at 34 and having 1st child at 35 I had a back injury and went down the opiate addiction road. I was a drinker and so was my husband but I never considered myself an alcoholic. When my son was 4 years old, I landed my first time in jail with a felony and then went to a 7 day detox program and was doing quite well with my court ordered classes until my husband said to me “I don’t mind if you drink, just don’t do the pills”. Bam, there you go down that slippery slope again because I was “not an alcoholic” and he didn’t want to quit drinking or drinking around me. A few years later, he got a call from our sons pediatrician saying I was intoxicated when I brought him in for a visit and because my husband was in law enforcement he persuaded the Doctor to let him handle it. Next thing I know on Thanksgiving day, my husband and family had an intervention and I was off to a facility for 90 days. I did great for a long time until my husbands alcoholism was making extremely unhappy and his unwillingness to think he had a problem and get help himself, I fell back into my “addiction-not alcohol”. After 15 years of in and out of rehab and relapses, I was finally arrested again for the 2nd time with a few felonies. I had to attend drug court, I had to wear a patch that would detect any alcohol or drugs that went into my system and had to go every week to have a new one put on for a year until my court date facing 7 -15 years and the judge allowed me to do probation for 3 years. At this point, I felt like a failure and hypocrite trying to tell my 14 year old son not to drink or do drugs. I was exhausted living with a man who woke up and drank 2 cups of coffee then started on beer and by 12noon was hitting the vodka and by 6pm was ready to eat and pass out. He never could pick up our son and friends from football practice because he was drunk and I was the one that had the issue with drugs, he didn’t have an issue. It was becoming harder and harder to deal with his issues and alcoholism and took my wedding vows seriously and never wanted to divorce but at this point, I was not willing to live the rest of my life in prison or end up dead. I decided to kick him out and proud to say that I have been clean and sober for 4 years now and it’s not great all the time but it’s so much better than it has been the last 18 years. I am just dealing with the mental guilt of leaving my husband and what effect it has been on my son but it saved my life, just dealing with the other stuff now. Sorry for the long story but I love your channnel and it helps today understand that there is always work to do to get better. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing YOUR story! Please pour your energy into love and growth - for yourself and your son. If you're going to feel guilty, use it to your advantage to light the flame. But please don't let it consume you. Your toxic environment did enough of that for so long.
Mental guilt of leaving your husband??? You have enough to work through. Don't add his behavior onto your plate. Crumple up that guilt and throw it in the fire right now, and get to work on dealing with the real issues that you have control over. You'll never have control over another's behavior, you acted as anyone else would have regarding the husband. Please subtract that guilt and just deal with your shit, I'm sure you have enough guilt to deal with, don't add his onto it. Seriously, get that particular guilt gone ASAP!!!!!!
Thank you for sharing your story. You sound like a great mom❤. Please don't ever feel bad for saving your life and doing the things you need to do to keep your life saved. That by far is the best thing you can do for your son in the long run and he has an amazing person to look to as a guide and role model going forward. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable in your story. You are stronger than you know. There are many more things I'd like to tell you and share but either way you sound like you are doing so much better. I hope continued peace for you and your son 🙏💖.
Don't feel guilty of leaving your husband because he was completely uninterested in seeing and changing his problem. Two alcoholics in one house is a very bad idea, seems like you where unable to quit too seeing him drinking all the time. Hope your son understands and it will be better for him in the long run to not have two alcoholic parents to care for.
Went through a similar situation with my x the alcoholic that pointed his finger at my usage, but would never accept that he had a problem himself. The mental abuse I endured from him last 8 years and over 8years I went from only using prescription meds to the hard stuff because I was trying to numb the pain from his constant belittling. I'm 96 pounds now, with health problems, Complex-PTSD and extreme social and general anxiety, but clean and finally rid of his and his daily verbal and physical abuse. Narcissistic personality disorder is real. I had no clue that was a thing until about a year ago wen he got drunk crashed the car I bout him, ran to his aid at the hospital, stayed by his side for 28days there straight, quit my career to care for him after the hospital stay, lost the home i had just moved us into and was buying by myself because he refused to find a job or contribute in any way. 4 months after his wreck he began drinking and physically more abusive. After being punched in the face while I was driving one night as we were fighting, only about 1/4 of a mile from wer he previously wrecked at, I pulled over immediately and left him there on the side of the rd and completely blocked him out of my life... After a year separated, he is still drinking and is now 44 and hopping from 1friends couch to the next, no job, no vehicle and the state finally decided to permanently deny reinstating his license after 11 drivng w/suspended license charges, a warrant out for unpaid child support, and faking a disability to gain disability perks from the state and his buddies. It hurts to move on, but it hurts more to love a person that doesn't love you back..❤❤❤ don't feel bad girl, protect yourself...❤❤❤
My Friend ...... You do so well describing the pathetic-empty-soulless-miserable-sneezy-snotty-shitty-hot-cold-sweaty-pimply-grimly-smelly-scratchy-flakey-floppy-oozing-gagging-thing that is withdrawals ...... I seriously felt it on a cellular level watching / listening to this. I really enjoy your channel my friend. Recovering Australian Paramedic Addict Here
Wow, you did a great job capturing it there as well. All great adjectives for withdrawal. I’m so happy you shared that and I’m glad you are here. A paramedic from Australia! That’s so cool 😎
Worst feeling ever. I hate when people say it’s like the flu. It’s so so so much worse. The worst part for me is hot, cold and skin crawling and zero sleep for weeks. Also, how my sense of smell is elevated and everything smells awful. One day at time!
Praying for you. I took the EMT-Basic program in college. Graduated Paramedic school in 1981 between undergraduate and Med School. I loved my days in the bus and still perform HEMS to this day. You have my support and that of my colleagues.
Remember that discipline is a muscle, and it strengthens over time. Each time you say "no" you are adding a little strength to it even if it doesn’t feel like it, until eventually, it becomes easier. -Whether it be drugs, or overeating, overspending, or anything really. Brian, I know you’ve been told this before, but you can articulate the addiction/detox/recovery experience like no one else I’ve ever seen. It is so spot-on. I know great things are in store for you my friend. Love you!
Damn right about the smell. Everything about it is off. Nothing smells like it should. All my senses are off. My vision gets blurry, my ears will start ringing. I dont think my body can handle withdrawing anymore. Im currently on 100mg of methadone. The sub route I could never get back on with the Fent.
yes the smell is the stuff off nightmares, everything smells stronger by 100. trying to sleep but having to move and not being able to stop. did anyone get brain zaps? when I'd move my eyes it would be like a mini electric shock in my eyes. nothing makes you feel clean, all the toxins seeping out of your pores make you smell bad all the time. I will never ever go through it again
As a nurse that became addicted to opioids thank you! We feel we are the only one in the profession when going through the pain of this disease. I left nursing because the stress of what I did everyday was my trigger! Today I’m clean for 8 years, 7 months
@@dreambeam4735 I mean, it is a valid question is it not? Opioids and other control substances such as benzodiazepines are highly monitored in hospitals so pretending to give pills 💊 to a patient in need of pain relief can indeed hurt them. But then again, I understand as a former opioid addict myself that nobody intends to become an addict, but nevertheless it’s still morally wrong to steal pills from patients in pain. Put yourself in the patient in pain’s shoes.
this is reminding me of some bad times man, you did a great job explaining how it feels but honestly it can't even be put into words it's so bad. I went through forced opioid and benzo withdrawal a few times but I'm 1yr7mo clean off fentanyl and 8mo off benzos. just turned 23 yesterday too clean and sober. anyone going through it you can do it and you'll be so glad you did.
@@leslievasquez2645 thank you! it's already so much better, drugs caused so much pain in my life from countless overdoses to legal trouble to ending up in the hospital from benzo withdrawal having seizures and hallucinating. it's honestly a miracle I'm still alive, didn't need the doctors to tell me that but that's the first thing I heard when I woke up in the hospital after 3 days of seizures. on my way to becoming a recovery coach to hopefully help other young people like me that got in over their heads and found themselves stuck. being sober is so much more fulfilling. God bless!
Be sure you recognize your triggers. Some people cannot listen to stories such as these because it’s too triggering. If you’re getting something positive from this, that’s great but don’t risk it if there’s too much of a chance of creating a trigger for you.
A Dr in Vegas got me hooked on 6mg/day klonopin (max dose is typically 4mg/day)... 8 years later in NM, no one wants to rx it, so I tried to quit, got down to 1mg/day after 6 months, but was in WD the whole time. My new psych put me on 3mg and said "you're never getting off this med. Benzos are the hardest to come off of.". He isn't wrong. Years ago, I cold turkey WD from 80mg/day oxycodone. I used kratom for pain relief, but barely felt anything else. 2 years later, I quit kratom cold turkey, no problem. Benzos are the worst.
Speedballing and methadone are the hardest to quit for me, especially after 20 years of hardcore usage and another 7 years " recreational"😂...No such thing as recreational usage- fair warning to the one riding along the river of deceit...Good luck to every person who decided to fight and not giving in...Do not shoot up your life in vain!
Benzos ARE very tough to get off of. I've never hallucinated more in my life! I saw myself on TV in jail k1ll 2 cops. I then thought they were trying to k1ll me. It was tough. I've kicked kratom, too. I had a hard time w/it. Another REALLY hard one is tramadol (and it's non-narcotic, which is how I got hooked on it!)
@@tradingarsenal9767yeah, tramadol is a beast. I’m down to taking two a day for RA and fibromyalgia. I hate it because my body has become dependent on it even though it doesn’t make me feel high. I’ve been taking it for 15 years.
@@EIvanIvanoffsame. I bought 4 different scripts of methadone a week on top of my own. I’d take 800-1200mg 3 days a week to get high. Took 400mg to catch a buzz and 100mg bottle every couple hours to keep it going. Smoked an ounce of fetty a week for a while and would mix it and coke and smash it. Been clean 4 months now thanks to the sublocade injection. I can’t abuse it like I did my methadone carries and it blocks the effect so I don’t buy other peoples scripts anymore
I had a major surgery and they sent me home wearing two fentanyl patches of the highest strength . My pain was so horrific but they just put these on and sent me out . I started sweating so profusely then one patch came off . I then went really hot and then really cold . Then other felt like someone was inside me and wouldn’t let me be still I had to stretch non stop and it was agitation like I’ve never experienced in my life . I lost my temper with everyone it was like what for days and days . I went to the drs and asked that was happening . He took one look at me and looked at my medical notes and said the hospital have sent you home and addict after giving you so much IV pain relief . He said what I feeling was withdrawal . I have never ever ever experienced torture like this in my life . I feel for every addict ! It’s literally hell on earth ! Pure hell . I feel like nothing will ever be as bad as that. I had the fentanyl converted to slow release morphine and cut down by 5 mg a week . Its took 9 months . I went from 270 mg per day to 35 that I’m on now for chronic pain . I feel for you ! Your an inspiration
Brian....such a great video. You are gifted in so many ways, especially in the way you can articulate things in a clear and authentic way. Thank you for allowing us to follow your journey. Cheers from Houston!
I am too. But I started out as a home health aide and I almost lost my job and went to jail after being with the same lady for 4 years. One weekend all 90 of her perc 5 came up missing. They always sat on the kitchen counter. It was always me and the same nurse in there. That nurse had a graduation to go to that weekend so they had another come. Well Monday morning he son that lived that said we have a problem and told me all those pills were missing. I didn’t even know she had perc 5 I knew she took a pain pill but that was it. As soon as he told me I told him to call the police. Well our home health company blamed me but her son said why would she tell me to call the police. She’s been here 4 years and this has never happened before. So when the police started asking what was different or who had been there that normally wasn’t we told him that nurse but the company said nurses work too hard to get their license to steal pain pills. Wednesday that same nurse was at another house and was asking the elderly women for a couple of her pain pills because she had to hide them from her nephew. She happened to let it slip that the nurse asked her for a couple because of the surgery on her arm. The client didn’t think anything wrong and gave her 5 pain pills. Turns out that nurse had issues in all her houses of either missing meds or asking for meds and the company knew it it had been reported. That was when I first realized nurses are human too I got my stna and started working in nursing facilities during nursing school and iv seen so many addicted nurses during that time once I finished college it got worse. You wouldn’t believe how many nurses do get addicted to opiates. I’m not sure how or why but unfortunately it’s really common where I am.
@@Adventures-with-SistersThank you for sharing your story, I’m going to nursing school and I’m watching these videos to educate myself and hopefuly reduce risk. I think its better to recognize the possibility that addiction can happen to anyone.
I wish I had no idea what you’ve experienced. I’m so grateful you made it. I pray you can stay clean so that you can help others make it through the horrors of addiction. It makes our lives worth living🙏🙏🙏 One minute, one hour, one day at a time.
I feel a closeness to your channel. I’m about 10yrs clean who DT’d from 375mg of methadone in jail while serving 1 yr for my first arrest. I’m now married to a nurse practitioner and love life but I was angry an depressed for many years. I know if I was a nurse I’d have been in trouble for sure. I love what your doing with the channel and can’t wait to see the next video
Holy shit. 375mg of methadone cold Turkey? I’m shocked you didn’t die. Wow, you are a walking miracle, for every 10mg of methadone, equals 100mg of morphine. You should share more of your story because I know so many people going down and suffering. Sometimes seeing that it’s possible to live without is the best hope out there. Thank You
Damn bro, can't believe your bond was only 7k! Here in Florida you'd definitely be in the 5 digits and possibly no bond at all depending on the amount you had!! Mad props to you for turning your life around!! I've been there and done it too! My veins are just now SLIGHTLY coming back after over 9 years clean
Dang i requested this just a few days ago after binge watching your videos. Thanks for doing this. I’ve always wondered about it when I heard others speak of it.
You're an absolute gem of a person. So sweet meeting you on FT through my boy Nate :) Thank you so much for sharing my music with people!! I have tons of comments saying they came over from this vid!
Thank you SO much for talking about PAWS (Post Acute Withrawal Syndrome)!! Mine lasted for well over a year. The very last thing I wanted when active was to be able to hear my own thoughts and feel my emotions, and both came in like a tsunami in that time. I didn't realize that feelings actually had an ending; up to that point, I had always aborted them. Sending much love and light from another RN in Recovery
@SmilesforMiles2024 I love that you respond to me so often. It makes me feel good. I hope you realize by now there is undeniably something special about you, your message, and how you deliver it. I'm not alone in this. Keep reading the comments, as I know you do. Would love to meet you someday in person and give you the biggest hug! I'm crossing fingers for you that you are done when the 3yr mark hits. Btw I thought you had mentioned your email was included in the heading or whatever is called, but I couldn't find it.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this experience. It sounds brutal. Despite your difficulty, you have learned so much and share things in a way that will serve you and others very well. You are a gifted storyteller, your future is bright and your path is filled with light.
Never got subutex back in the day in jails. Not even an aspirin. Kicked my first dope habit in Baltimore city detention center in 1996, had no idea what it was like to go all the way thru withdrawl, I didn’t sleep for thirty some odd days. In a cell locked down for 23/1, it was traumatic. Devastating. White boy in a predominantly black jail. Nobody bothered me, embarrassingly I looked like a dope fiend. I hadn’t shaved for months or showered. They called me Abe Lincoln. I weighed probably 150 lbs, I walk around now normally at about 215. None the less, I kicked, got healthy again. It wasn’t enough tho. After getting out months later I went on to relapse multiple times over. I ended up getting clean in 2001 Tho, prison bid which I needed. I’ve not went back. I had some bumps in the beginning but I no longer struggle with addiction praise God. I have no good advice because each addicts process is their own. All I can say is PRAY YOU MAKE IT OUT.
You're a great storyteller man. Look forward to whenever you put something new out. I'm happy you're in recovery and your vids inspire me to keep away from my addictions
@@SmilesforMiles2024 I'm not a nurse and I've never done heroin, but your stories are super relatable. Shows how universal the overall experience of addiction can be, and how helpful we all can be to each other by sharing our experiences 😌
Sept 5th 2020 is my sober date! I was over prescribed painkillers, that got outta control (From a DOCTOR) for back pain! I was on them for 14 years, Luckily I went through detox on my own at home without help because that's what keeps me sober is remembering the withdrawal 🤢🤢 I'll never go back because it was horrible. I don't ever want to experience that again. Congrats to you and your sobriety ❤
Hi Brian, so glad that you survived both of those withdrawal experiences and are now doing so well in your recovery. Can't imagine when you were in the big room with all of the people going through withdrawal what that experience was like. One thing they always say about drugs and how it alters your mind is a scary thing. I guess your body goes through so much stress during the process of withdrawal you just lash out to anyone looking for some help. So looking forward to your first Livestream. I hope it will be at a time when I am free to attend. I think it will be great for you to connect with your audience and everyone that is on the Live will benefit from the experiences of others. Hope you feel better soon from your cold. At least, like you said, it is much better than going through the withdrawal from drugs.
Ben, you always have such wonderful, well thought out comments. The livestream will be on Saturday at 7pm (PST). I’m not sure how to let people know that😂 So maybe it will be just a couple of us. Hope you can make it. Not sure what’s gonna happen 🤷♂️ haha
@@SmilesforMiles2024 Thanks Brian, I saw the Livestream notification last evening on the channel. That is probably the best way to notify everyone. I hope to be there and that your first stream is a great success. Cheers.
After watching several of your videos, it's obvious that you have a sharp intellect, and gifted mind. You are also skilled with words. Clearly, you have a bright future still ahead. Heartfelt congratulations on your success!
Wow Brian what agony it must have been to withdraw with little to no medical attention and go through a million emotions alone but in a room full of strangers. I’m excited for your livestream!
I just scheduled the live stream for Saturday (May 18th) at 7pm (PST). I have no idea how to notify anybody of it though 😂. So since you mentioned it I figured I’d tell you at least. Maybe it’ll be just us 😂
Wow, i just love hearing you talk about your process. And at 21:00 for the next few minutes, this really helped me. I have no experience with opioid addiction but have in the last two days become fascinated with learning about the experiences of others going through it. I watched Beautiful Boy and i think that's where it made me want to learn more. The humanity and realness and way that this can really happen to anybody, it touches me, it impacts me, I can relate in my own way with my own addictive tendencies, and if I weren't living such a sheltered life I might have found my way to the same situation. I found what you said about removing the option completely from your mind, and making promises to yourself, and working on the stuff that got you into the addiction in the first place, all so helpful. I mean, it's not like any of this was new information to me, and of course it is a very difficult process to go through, but something about the way you articulated it, combined with even just a small understanding of what you actually went through, i dunno man, just really touched me. Thank you for sharing your story and wishing you all the best from a caring person in New Zealand. Also wishing love and strength and to everyone reading the comments who is struggling with addiction or living actively sober. You are all fricking amazing.
Those friends of yours who were addicts themselves are TRUE friends. The fact that they hustled $700 and actually spent it on getting you out instead of buying more stuff for themselves, that they are addicted to, is INSANE. 99% of the time your addicted friends will just write you off when you go to jail.
Hey Brian, I just started watching your channel. It's really interesting, thank you ! I live in Cape Town, South Africa. My partner is in prison, awaiting trial. He's in Johannesburg and has spent just over a year. His trial starts on 2 Oct. It's interesting to compare his experiences with yours. I'm so pleased that the experience has had such a positive impact on your life. Well done, and good luck.
Very well put. I totally agree with everything. Knowing every day I was gonna feel a little bit better kept me going through early recovery. In jail and out. Then you start having little moments where you realize “hey I feel pretty good” and those moments happen more often until that’s the normal. 😊
I dated the love of my life for 12 years and he was a heroin addict. He was in and out of jail for years before he passed away from overdose. It was interesting to hear your experience. Thank you for sharing your story! ❤
You are the only one that described the tickle feeling from the inside that I seen! I always describe as Freddy Krueger was inside me trying to claw his way out!! So glad to overcome what I have and glad to see you fighting the good fight!
Honestly I think your very brave to do these videos , it’s nice your trying to help others and yeah you done wrong but your doing your time and that’s that. Stay strong man, much respect to you because trying to beat addiction is very very hard as you know
Brian, I really enjoy your videos. Thanks for sharing your story. I agree with you about distancing yourself from what you're addicted to. I was on Trexan, an opiate blocker for my first year off heroin. It really helped a lot because I knew that no matter how much dope I shot, it wouldn't do anything. I also took Antibuse for two years, because I worked in a bar.
Wow my man. This held my attention the whole way thru- I really believe we all have something to accomplish when we're here in this life- I am thinking this is your purpose/ the thing/gift your hand to share with people/ the world. It's so ironic that you're on house arrest- but are communicating with more people than "un jailed " you might never have imagined. But to the point of your recollection of the withdrawal- this is so succinct, you paint an extremely vivid picture. I was super suprised to hear that there wasn't more support given to your physical symptoms of the withdrawal. Also interesting about the anti- biotics being hard on the withdrawal but it makes sense- killing all your healthy gut flora/ and good bacteria addition to the targeted infected bacteria- you didn't have much to spare in the first place. Just wow. You've got some great perspectives on how to take on challenges in life. Thank you.
Such a genuine testimony! It's so insightful, the realization that you shared about the real issue that needs to be to be recognized and healed that made us turn to an addiction in the first place. It gets buried for so long that it often takes some help with talk therapy to identify how "it" is triggered and manifests. Then learning how best to eliminate some of those triggers from daily life and learn healthier ways to cope. New subscriber 😊
Brian I’ve witnessed people in withdrawal almost dying in jail. Many people have died from it in jails. Horribly sad.💔Thank you so much for this video!❤ Maybe it will help educate some of the staff that work in those places.
You can't die from heroin withdrawal. It may feel that way, but you can't physically die from it. You can only die from alcohol or benzodiazepine withdrawal, which can cause fatal seizures. That is why they always ask from which substance you will be withdrawing. If alcohol or benzodiazepines, they proactively treat to avoid that. If just the misery of heroin or meth withdrawal, there is no medical need to treat to avoid fatality.
You give me so much inspiration.. thank you so much for telling us part of your story. I can relate to so many parts of your story. I had 2 abscesses one on my foot and 1 on my wrist.. I had to have them both surgically removed. From IV drug use. We are a lot stronger than we think we are. I hear that.. a little cold pales in comparison of what we felt in our withdrawal from the drugs. When we finally want to go to the other side and get clean.. we have to change everything about us.. change people places and things.. or else I hate to say it.. it’s not going to work. I was so blessed when I had the major stroke I suffered.. my phone was gone.. I moved to the complete opposite side of town.. and I am pretty sure the people who I ran with thought I was dead. I surrendered.. I was completely fine with that. It was time to begin my journey of living a sober life.. and let me tell you.. the actual physical withdrawal was the easiest part. I have my struggles but you just take it one day at a time. It does get easier as the dope life gets farther and farther away. Thank you for this AMAZING video! I always love it when you post. Have a wonderful week my friend ❤
Jen! ❤ yes, it’s such a blessing to be in a position to change everything. Our habitual minds are so powerful and having everything change makes it a million times easier to change behaviors. It’s inspiring to me too to have you here being awesome 🙏🥰
Thank you for your story and for reminding me of where I never want to be again!!! I know the subutext wasn’t perfect but you were really lucky to get that. Promise us you will never go back!
love this video! would love to hear some prison stories from you as well! i detoxed from a 80mg methadone/💉 1.5 g a day fentanyl habit COLD TURKEY in county jail- it was THE WORST time of my life. i very vividly remember getting in the shower 3-4x throughout the night, trying to get just enough relief to sleep for 5 or 10 min.... having such vivid drug dreams it felt real... the anxiety, the nausea, the 💩's, the restlessness, the headaches, the insomnia .... omg just all of it! you can't understand it unless you've gone thru it, you really truly feel like you can't get thru it, like you're going to die, i wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemy!!!! i did 54 days & i STILL felt bad when i got out! 😳😳 you're also right abt feeling 'stronger' in your recovery while in jail, one of the girls i met in there always told me "OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND" !!!! it feels easy when you're in jail & you know it's not an option! but when you get out, THAT'S when the hard part comes! it took me maybe 4 days & i was using again, smh! the hardest part of sobriety isn't getting clean, it's staying clean! especially when you're facing those temptations! i truly believe in changing those people places & things- it makes such a difference!
Thank you for your channel. I hope it helps you even more then you’re going to help other people because of your current situation being on house arrest. What a blessing it is for you to have RU-vid! If this part of your story isn’t the best ad to never try drugs, then I don’t know what is! Lol. Thank you for being so brutally honest. I think you have a huge heart, and it shows the moment you open your mouth here.
Dont get me wrong - withdrawal is miserable regardless of where you endure it, but a *decent* psyche ward is the flying 1st class of detox experiences. [heavy emphasis on decent]
@@amylee-yy6lw most states have a hotline you can call -- since the Opioid Abatement lawsuit money became available many treatment providers have popped up expanding access to treatment. That's largely dependent on which state you live in and their level of corruption and general attitude and approach to individuals with substance abuse disorder. Tennessee seems more than comfortable letting people die while blocking best practice treatment options. But some unexpected states are tackling the issue head-on with a huge expansion in accessible, affordable treatment options (ex. missouri). Medication Assisted Therapy (MAT) is considered the gold standard right now using suboxone medication. It makes detoxing possible and relatively painless actually. Some places will only provide subs for a few days to detox, then offer an abstinence only program. Thats not MAT it's just detox. MAT is where suboxone is prescribed for a longer period of time while the patient stabilizes and re-acclimates to real life. So just be aware ofd who offers what and make sure before going. My 2 cents: MAT is the only reason i'm alive today. Message me if you want. - Just go - Good luck!
I agree, addicts need to stop using long enough to gain some insight into the etiologies of their addiction. Addicts with underlying trauma tend to gravitate towards opiates. If the underlying trauma isn’t processed how can anyone stay clean & sober? They can’t. Some addicts stop using drugs but their addiction manifests in other ways (food, or gambling addiction)…until they address the underlying problems. For me, I needed therapy to figure this out. But, like you said, it often takes many recommitments to healthy behavior until the healthy behavior becomes routine. Persistence will pay off. Often the urges to use are so strong that an addict can’t stay sober long enough to gain insight or care about it, even if they have that insight. A lot to unpack in this video. Love your process. Thanks for sharing.
I don't think there's a day that goes where I don't think about how absolutely horrifying it was detoxing from h. I am grateful that I've never been arrested or caught so I never had to go through detoxing in jail. Its hard enough withdrawing in your own home I can not imagine doing it in a cold jail cell around a bunch of people I need to watch my back around.... Kudos to everyone who had to go through thay and actually made it out on the other side!!
Can you make a video regarding your nursing career? What made you do it, why you don’t want to do it again, people you still keep in touch with. Sending lots of positive vibes from a fellow healthcare worker!!
I remember getting arrested in 2010 and I was sooo sick in jail, and I remember thinking how awful the guards were for not caring lol (in retrospect why would they care lol). They didn’t give us anything but blood pressure medicine and ibuprofen, I guess now jails in NY have to give Suboxone/subutex to help now. I have been sober since 2013, but I remember withdrawing in jail like it was yesterday.
Heroin addict, and alcoholic here. When you started talking about being in the shower in jail, I knew you really went through it. I remember in my many times of detox the shower hitting my back, or just a bath running that I could touch, and splash on my back occasionally was the only relief I was able to get even at my own home. Anyone out there suffering. Just do what you're told. I never like to tell anyone how to get sober, but I was able to have sobriety with a 12 step program. It fucking changed my life man. You don't have to die.
Brutal, but you look great on the other side of this experience! Thank you for sharing, gives me some hope that recovery can offer me something similar.
Such a great point. Life after addiction really is about our life and how to live it. I think that is exactly what clicked for me that sent me over that hump of "how will I ever live without drinking". That and realizing I am not special or unique and who the fuck cares anyway how special I am. Something truly freeing about realizing all of that. Just live. Just be. Just manage. Love that.
You are 100% right!! Going throw withdrawals knowing relief is a phone call away is so much harder, then accepting that there is no way to get more. That shift in mind set is so important. I had to completely give up my circle of friends and the places I went to. Total life change was the thing that saved me!! Also I had a close family that supported me…
So much to ponder with asking questions to get straight to the point, I need the hard truth!!but not ready to share my truths.😢 how did your rock bottom force sobriety..I am frightened to my core as I am the “tough” With her shit together to this outside world when I am in fact, crumbling like a baby each night. Your insights and videos have truly made a difference in how and when I am going to face my demons …sobriety. I said it….now freaking can’t believe I said it to a stranger..I need help.!! Uhg.
Being off drugs seems like a really intense thing when you are stuck on them. But the suffering that they are bringing into your life is so much more intense than being off them is. You just have to gain a little distance from them before you can start to see and feel that clearly. But once you start to feel it, all of that suffering you went through turns into a kind of strength that no one else has. If you wait around until you feel ready to face your demons, you will likely be waiting a long time. We rarely ever feel fully ready to take big steps, or make big changes. But you sharing a post like this is a good sign you are on the right track. If you feel like it would be helpful for you to talk to me, please don’t hesitate to email: smilesformilescontact@gmail.com ❤️❤️❤️ life is tough, but we are all on the same team 🙂
It’s absolute hell, done it many times and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy… Been sober 10 years or so and would never go back. Scared of Tylenol now 😂
I like what you said about removing the option to do your addiction. Im struggling with trying a mostly carbless diet because of diabetes. Im going to try your advice. 😮
This is so awful. People should not be on forced w/d in prison or jail. I know some folks have done it, and it worked. But in elderly, those with other conditions, etc it's absolutely inhumane. As a lawyer, I always ask potential clients if they would be in withdrawal if they were to be incarcerated. I need to be able to advocate for these folks if so. I encourage other lawyers who deal with prison issues to do the same.
I fully agree with you. It is insane to put people through that when you don’t know what state they are in physically going in. Thank you for advocating. You are awesome! ❤️
Wow, you described all the feelings, experiences, thoughts etc about opiate withdrawal so perfectly! And like you said too, it's not only drugs, but many of these addictive situations, that p.a.w.s. phase is so psychological and the hardest part...also, as I'm sure you know, a lot of overdose deaths happen when someone has quit for a period of time, and when they relapse they aren't as in tune with the tolerance level they were at before, and put too large a round in the chamber...(even if they are aware of this, i'd reckon most are thinkin "i might be able to get good and f*ked up with the same dose i was doing before) I have had small successes here and there with all that, and it started by gettin carjacked, ran over/dragged across the road, left for dead and now permanently f*ked up, so i have the challenge of lifelong chronic pain that has gone hand in hand with it since 2009...im hoping i can give it another go soon, and listening to stories like yours are for sure encouraging!!!
“Let a mean” with a k instead of an L. You tube won’t let me post the name so we have to improvise. Hope you understand. It’s therapy that’s legal now in many states. Look it up and go. It’s doing amazing things for many many people. God bless Brother in life-I’m sorry. These drugs the government floods our cities with is FN disgusting. They do it so we either kill each other or go to jail-it’s their depopulation-detention agenda. I’m praying for you and for all of us 🙏🏼
really interesting insight about the option being removed. I can see exactly how that would be effective. Because as you say, the thought that you can end the psychological misery by taking a substance is the tortuous thought that makes PAWs worse
To anyone on here going through withdrawals the now or desperate to stop but scared of withdrawals , I won’t lie it’s hell but you can beat it, I promise you , you can beat it. Always here for anyone needing support
It always helps me to hear the horrors of withdrawal again and again. It is one of the many things that keep me from even thinking about using again. Embarrassment,shame,guilt and failing myself are other factors.
@@SmilesforMiles2024 I didn't even realize that I had posted that emoji! I'm so very sorry! I in no way would knowingly post something like that after listening to you share something so personal. Please forgive my error. I was half asleep while watching your video albeit no excuse.
@@meltouchet344 There is absolutely no reason to be sorry. I was just happy to see the smile 😊 it didn’t even occur to me that it might mean something weird. So please don’t worry about it. But I appreciate your writing that anyway ❤️ you’re awesome 🙂
@@SmilesforMiles2024 To be fair, I had no idea that it was even there. Maybe something bigger than you and me knew if you saw the smile, you'd smile too. I really can't explain it. In any case, thank you for understanding! Your testimony will help so many others out there who are in the same situation you were once in.
So happy I found your channel! You have stomped through some shit, brother! I’m new here, so maybe I’ve missed it, but what’s your POC for yourself? Your POC could probably help a lot of people, myself included. Absolutely respect your honesty, man
