What's the Core Issue? How to Actually Change 30/30

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Just “stopping it” often doesn’t work, and it has negative side effects
If “just stop it” worked for every problem, then you wouldn’t be taking this course and no one would ever come to therapy. If we could just willpower our way to change then none of us would feel stuck or need help to grow.
Almost everyone who comes to me for therapy has already tried “just stop it” and it’s not working. Nothing they are trying is working. One way of looking at that is, “They just haven’t tried the “right” behavior yet. Try a different diet, try a different way of forcing your kids to do stuff. But what if the “solution” is the problem? What if focusing on behavior change is, at best, a waste of energy and, at worst, it’s making things worse?
Learn more in one of my in-depth mental health courses: courses.therapyinanutshell.co...
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Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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Опубликовано:

10 ноя 2021

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Комментарии : 192

@marjamerryflower 2 года назад

Out of gratitude i started praying for Emma and all the people who watch these courses

@alicebarneto171 2 года назад

So kind of you!

@katherinekelsch8543 Год назад

Thank you.

@agraves561 Месяц назад

That is so kind!!!

@rachaelgalvez435 2 года назад

I'm kinda sad this series is over, but I know you'll keep making videos. Can you put these 30 videos as a playlist on your channel?

@roryburch861 2 года назад

ru-vid.com/group/PLiUrrIiqidTWje-Oc4uA6LZZO8vSaHaDL

@dottiedogdiscovers 2 года назад

I think those 30 videos are of her program. However, she has tons more.

@clairepare3510 2 года назад

Very sad this is over but my therapist suggested I start again from the beginning! Thank you so much

@whatUneverknew 2 года назад

The full course is SO worth it. It comes with writing exercises that are phenomenally helpful. Writing and vocalizing is straight up magic. Do it.

@j03150315 2 года назад

@@roryburch861 thank you so much!!!!

@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702 2 года назад

"If we could just willpower our way to change, then none of us would feel stuck or need help to grow" Beautifully put , thanks Emma for calling out this culture that is all too prevalent in the online space! 🙌

@_space.pony_ 2 года назад

I've been watching this series and am grateful to you for your work. My boyfriend and I broke up two days ago because I lost my temper for the fourth time and it got pretty ugly. I now realize I had been harboring unmet needs, like the need for space and solitude, my sleep was being disrupted often, and my emotional security was threatened when he would talk to other women. These things were eating at me and I didnt communicate them in an appropriate way.. I want to change how I express my anger because I want to love people better and not cause hurt to others.

@deela262 2 года назад

It's great you figured the issue so well! But there's more to it than "inability to communicate problems", from my awful experience. Need for solitude and to be at peace with our core self is so primary but it's hardly discussed. It's so crucial to become aligned with our true inner self. Till then there's discontent. And we " allow " others to overstep our bounderies and father feel resentful..because we haven't asserted what's genuinely bothersome for us. I've finally figured that, and finally beginning to love myself, and accept that " each one must be unto themselves".

@susanfromthemountains1754 2 года назад

Pony-up, There's so much good that can come from a "live and learn" existence that we all live. Thank goodness you are learning. That's a blessing right there in itself. I know how you feel now, that you don't want to hurt anybody anymore. I too focus on trying to build up and not tear down. There will be times when you do well and times when you could kick yourself because you'll not be able to know exactly what to do in every situation, conversation, relationship, etc ... in every moment of your life. Giving a gift to someone you hurt, or offended, if talking doesn't work, is sometimes helpful especially as a couple weeks pass after giving the gift. Emotions can change and become workable and enjoyable again in relationships. I wish you all the best in your endeavors. Perfection is a goal that is always before us but ever just out of reach. Get as close to it as you can, but don't beat yourself up when perfections grasp seemed way too far from you. I'm in the last decades of my life's journey if I live to old age. I've tried so hard to love people only to find that most people aren't looking to, nor thinking about practicing the efforts of love. Be happy with your own successes and attempts at loving, then you have a good record. 💕 And remember, there's room for making mistakes. We're all on earth here to " live and learn". 🙂👍

@ardaaksoy9161 2 года назад

@@susanfromthemountains1754 You seem to have come to earth several times as a soul! 💞✨ thanks for your support

@susanfromthemountains1754 2 года назад

@@ardaaksoy9161 You're so welcome 💕

@damesetor1288 2 года назад

Well done on acknowledging this. Wishing you the best on your journey. Courage!

@jamesmurphy3219 2 года назад

I appreciate the discussion about alcoholism. I took my last drink almost 10 months ago and have been forced to finally face and work through my issues. It's been a struggle but discovering self-help content like your videos has helped me tremendously. Thank you so much.

@frannyleyden7988 2 года назад

Good for you. May God Bless you and help you.

@letsgofishingene Год назад

Congrats!

@crystalslade8056 Год назад

I’m rly struggling now trying to find ways to feel better

@Namairasa 2 года назад

5:32 core issue of this video : "behaviors come from underlying drives, functions, or rewards to those behaviors. and behavior serves some function"

@oneworldonehome 2 года назад

Thank you for these videos and all your work! Here's a short quote that could perhaps help a little, I know it helps me. "People rarely change their behavior or thinking for themselves alone. They change because it is necessary for them to do something important in life for other people. When you are thinking of yourself alone, the difficulty in self-purification does not seem quite worth the effort. It is very hard to give your development the energy that it requires. But if it is for something greater, then you give more than you would for yourself alone, if your giving is true. If people are only giving to themselves, they give themselves aggravation." It comes from the free online book - Wisdom from the Greater Community

@julieann1975 2 года назад

Thank you

@johnchapman5125 2 года назад

Thank you, Ivan.

@alwalw9237 2 года назад

This is certainly true in my experience. Thanks for sharing it here. Would like to learn more.

@feverdream6142 2 года назад

I really needed this. I’m a chronic overthinker and I have a terrible temper (thanks abusive family and lifetime of bullying) and i’ve tried many things to change these behaviors, particularly ‘stop it’ and new habits or tricks to help. It worked temporarily but I regressed back. I was confused and frustrated why these changes won’t stick but thankfully I found this, thanks for the video❤️

@ryanhollist3950 2 года назад

Technical correction: the opening clip of the bad therapy is actually from Mad TV. I remember watching that sketch when it originally aired.

@tinaperez7393 2 года назад

Ha ha! I was going to mention that too but thought not to as snl was close enough. The minute I saw the set (somehow that was the first clue) and then Bob and then of course the legendary Mo Collins, I knew right away it was MadTV. I couldn't remember that sketch specifically but omg I loved that show - my sister and I watched it for many seasons. Had to record it, it was too late night most of the time. It's been a while but the last I checked I still couldn't find it streaming anywhere and wasn't on DVD. Maybe that's changed. It's funny - my sister referenced a sketch just recently and we looked it up on RU-vid to see if it was there and it was. Not everything but quite a few sketches have been uploaded to RU-vid. Some of our favorites were "I am Mahir, I KEESE you!", Honey Dipper Dan, the Depressed Persian Tow Truck Man, Funky Walker Dirty Talker, and Dixie Wetsworth. 😂 I could list more but have already gone on too long. Cheers! 🤗

@dannyprikhoji2060 2 года назад

Thank you for making this course so easily accessible. I've watched all the episodes and taken notes. It has given insight into my day-to-day worries and provided a sense of peace in a plethora of ways. I am certain that this course has helped a lot of people in a profound way. You're doing something really important: changing the way that the average person (like myself) looks at therapy and psychology, for the better. Many thanks, from Canada. :)

@mymentorjane6705 2 года назад

This is such a good video and you are a wonderful teacher. I don’t miss an episode! I’ve been working on my eating. I’ve done the dieting thing on and off for years. In my prayer time, I knew I was being called to receive God’s best for me and that wasn’t overeating. When I started to act from the intrinsic motivation of being faithful, and not my own willpower, I found a strength for resisting the big portions and sweets that I enjoy. It’s sill challenging some days but I have a stronger rock to hold on to rather than my own willpower and that’s been helping a lot. I know that I’m doing more than eating better, I’m fulfilling a bigger purpose.

@willmurphy6663 7 месяцев назад

Thanks Emma, beautiful work as ever. I am fearful avoidant attachment, I managed over decades to be able to 'do intimacy'. I used what I call deep CBT.... firstly cognitive.... understand the problem... attachment and unconscious choice. Secondly you need a mentor.....on behaviour.... slowly slowly work on controlled vulnerability....each step will be trauma triggering.....so change in behaviour is then dealing with feelings... continue this intergrated deep CBT daily practice.....

@paromitadesarkar1677 2 года назад

Thank god for you, Dr. Mcadam. Love and good health to you and your family.

@tibreadresko6001 Год назад

I just want the anxiety to stop. With you, counseling, and my faith I have learned how to walk through a panic or anxiety attack. I am super grateful for that. I just wish I didn't get so afraid to travel or eat new foods or be far from help if I were to need it. I feel trapped and want to be free. I'm on a medication and see a counselor once a week and for the better part of 9 years. Seems like anxiety is worse in some ways. I'm tired.i plan to listen to more of your videos. Thank you!

@andreeabelciu6081 Год назад

I followed your course with a notebook. Now I am going back to my notes or to that particular episode. I come from a background of not expressing emotions. This is how I have been raised. This lead, for example, to being very scared of pain or doctors. Also overeating. I had bariatric surgery that helped a little but the addiction changed to a different object. Decluttering worked and helped me liberate some of the randomness around me. I am seeing an improvement. I am trying compassion and structure. Small habits that make me feel well. I notice I am feeling ashamed for my original family to see me trying to change. Is like a voice that tells me : You are who you are, don t even try, is useless!" Maybe thay do not think that, but this is how I feel. I am going to buy this course but right now (struggling on one income) I am going to work on what is in here an a deeper level, every day. I have been looking for help for the last 3 years, but found only bits and pieces. This is cohesive and comprehensible. Thank you, Emma McAdam! I am really grateful.

@godislovestayfaithful1655 2 года назад

I needed this… It’s time to make some changes and sustain them.

@vicky9407 2 года назад

this course is life saving, thank you so much for sharing it!

@poppystevenson6496 2 года назад

This particular one gave me a light 💡 bulb moment when I saw the iceberg. I’ve been stuck between fight and flight mode for many years (close to 40). This is my life now & I’ve accepted it, however, I personally thank you for shining a light, allowing me to see the reasons more clearly.

@andraste6746 2 года назад

Thank you so much for this series, it has been so helpful for me

@vishalp9484 2 года назад

You are a Legend!! What an amazing series. Thank you very very much!

@ZeeFighter28 2 года назад

Thank you very much. Now you have helped a young teenager with so much to explore.

@ewawodarczyk4803 2 года назад

Thank you so much! You have been an amazing addition to my therapy and each next skill is somehow connected to the next problem I am facing as I try to improve!

@ioana205 2 года назад

I loved this series, I will watch it again after some while..Thank you for sharing your work!

@emil5884 2 года назад

This course was amazing. Thank you.

@ernie548 2 года назад

It's just habits and we are strong habit forming creatures from birth (and before). This makes us not well built for change. Are you right-handed? That is 'just a habit'. :) Now try to learn to be left-handed (or visa-versa) and that is a glimpse at how hard it can be to change. I learned this metaphor while working with a PhD discussing the issue. It has helped me frame the challenges of change in my mind.

@amynaddra7230 2 года назад

This was an incredibly insightful video. I’m going to draw out the iceberg and answer the questions around my problems. And use my strengths!! Thank you

@awakening383 2 года назад

Thank you so much for all of your amazing insight. You are improving lives, including my own!

@Mikfooo 3 месяца назад

I've watched one video a day from this course and I've finally reached the last one. For so many of the videos I started tearing up because of how I felt it when she said things that I related to. That I saw were mistakes that I've been making. I loved each and every one of the videos. I've been through a rough patch in my life that made me realize the person I was and the person I want to be. These videos have been bringing me to my goals. And I want to thank you Emma for bringing everyone these amazing videos. You've really helped me get better as a person. And that's my goal, to be a better person. For myself, my partner and those around me. I wish you well and god bless you. Thank you for everything

@fatematabassum5247 2 года назад

I hope you will make more videos of learning new skills to change effectively and thank you for the 30 videos.Would like to see more please.

@dimkk605 2 года назад

So perfect! I can't say anything. Speechless. This channel is unbelievable! ❤️❣️❤️❣️

@derickgutierrez211 2 года назад

This is really good i have seen plenty of self improvement videos but none like your videos. I like how you give plenty of examples and real life situations helps me understand more and grasp the ideas.

@sofiastanley6518 2 года назад

Thank you so much for - how to process your emotions series. I have watched all 30 free videos on RU-vid. I have also ordered the course - growth...going to watch extended videos and utilize exercises and journals prompts.

@juj6263 2 года назад

You helped me change my life! Your videos have been very cathartic for me and actually seek therapy and know what to tackle and address, and the more I focus inward, the more change just comes more naturally to me!

@CDAL0 2 года назад

Great insigths. Thank you Emma.

@rachelnichols5511 2 года назад

Ty so much for your videos They have been more helpful than most therapeutic videos/education I've ever heard! Ty ty ty!!!

@katllanos9 2 года назад

Thank you so much for this series. This is invaluable and your approach is so welcoming and engaging. Thank you for putting this out there for us. This has helped me so much!

@lauriesmith5096 2 года назад

Thank you so much for sharing this with the world! I have spent years in therapy and have found your videos and information much better than most any therapist I have ever had! You also have a very calming energy that is so very helpful and easy to listen and understand the topics. Again, Thank you! Please know you have helped me! 🙏💜💜

@alvinagisborne3747 2 года назад

Wow you did it 30 videos to help us process our emotions And we can watch it over and over. When we need to apply these skills Love what you said about using our strengths to overcome Dig deep and look below the iceberg. Big hugs for all you do Emma

@shelleytodd6524 2 года назад

Thank you so much for sharing these videos with us. I am extremely grateful to have found you. You are heaven sent! God bless you, I have really learned a lot. 🙏🏼

@chenxishu7738 2 года назад

Emma, thank you so much for making this series for us. It’s so powerful. I don’t know whether it’s life changing to me but it definitely changed me a lot. I have learned a lot from this series. It improved my mental health so much. And I will continue to learn more about mental health and explore more. Thank you! Wish you and your family all the best. ❤️

@senitrajenkins1667 2 года назад

This really helps me a lot of the time I was doin it wrong thanks so much for this video

@roccoconte2960 2 года назад

Love these videos they have helped me , she does a great job explaining things.

@mmt2310 2 года назад

It's actually from Madtv, great sketch. Bob Newhart is the best.

@benjamindover4337 2 года назад

Thank you for sharing this.

@chenxishu7738 2 года назад

Today is thanksgiving day, I want to say a big ‘thank you’ to you Emma. ❤️ love from China

@Maya-tg4ml 2 года назад

Your coure has helped me change :) Thanks for sharing your knowledge 😊💛

@RosePetal17 17 дней назад

$100. per appointment here in Canada. It is challenging to afford, but much needed!!🙏🏻

@staleyexplores 2 года назад

this is a compelling video, ty. great use of graphics too.

@maraC80 2 года назад

Gracias Emma, me has ayudado enormemente🌺

@doriannemosich232 5 месяцев назад

As a complicated pretty smart, pretty good at Fixing myself type, you Emma help the most,👌😊 thank you!

@caroledwards3657 2 года назад

You. Are. Awesome !

@berritandersen288 2 года назад

A wonderful reminder 🙏.

@muffsmerino Год назад

Really great videos, so so helpful and effective. I appreciate so much. Thank you

@DrRebeccaHeiss 2 года назад

Thank you for this video series!

@justagirl12345 2 года назад

60 dollars a week just shows how inaccessible mental health help is for many people in the U.S. .....probably for the people that actually need it too...

@salrc8352 2 года назад

Yes and even $60 a month is hard for many let alone a week.

@heatherbrenner8275 Год назад

Idk people spend 10 - 20 dollars a day buying stuff like cigarettes and alcohol. I think for many the money is there, they just use it for something else

@rafeeqwarfield9690 Год назад

⁠@@heatherbrenner8275If they can’t afford $60, then that’s the issue. It isn’t about if they spend money on other things to cope instead bc the reality remains that they can’t afford that either

@jason5265 10 месяцев назад

When I hear this argument, I think the problem is economic. Being poor is a problem in itself

@ASBADR33 7 месяцев назад

Emma gave us the chance to learn more about ourselves and gave this info we need and the scenarios that we might see in our daily life...this course helped me personally more than expensive therapy.

@KazeAkihito 2 года назад

thank you so much for this!

@aise3722 2 дня назад

thank you very much for doing this series. you have no idea how much on an impact you've made in my life. i appreciate you and wish you the best in life

@halina328 2 года назад

Wow, this makes so much sense... *lightbulb*

@user-kp6ss8sx8m 2 года назад

THANK YOU!!!!! AMAZING VIDEO!!!!

@anthonyvasquez951 2 года назад

Thank you Emma 🙏🏼

@amyjeffers414 2 года назад

Thank you for making the series. I've gained some valuable tools for my anxiety. Wondering if any of your videos outside of this series cover when you have fear and anxiety, not for yourself, but for your child. My son has many medical needs, and we've had plenty of scary times. My fear isn't for myself but for him.

@caseyw1050 2 года назад

You. Are. Amazing!

@victoriadescalso6580 2 года назад

Thank you so much! ❤️

@vantablack7512 2 года назад

Hi Emma! Just wanna say I'm so glad I found this channel, and that I too am from Utah. Hope to meet you in person someday.

@PabloBridge 2 года назад

i’m probably going to get the course at some point. refinancing my house this week.

@BoopBettyBloop 2 года назад

🤯 I JUST looked up a meditation for intuitive eating like an hour before I watched this 🤣🤣 thank you ❤

@VanguardOfLight 2 года назад

Thank you. Great positive advice.

@angelinagould3999 Год назад

Thank you for all your amazing video, I aspire to be like you xx

@theklamueken8509 2 года назад

your videos are amazing, thanks a lot.

@videoettaceo8900 2 года назад

Thank you!

@setareh9053 2 года назад

Thanks for this course, it was really effective

@TherapyinaNutshell 2 года назад

Thanks :)

@strabisamuslestrabisamus2396 Год назад

Hi please never take this down thanks 😀

@Francesca948 2 месяца назад

Many mantiene thanks ❤️❤️🙏🌟🌸

@oghoghookundaye1493 5 месяцев назад

The song in the background is very relaxing and nice

@maraC80 2 года назад

Gracias Emman 🏵

@exuberanttarot Год назад

📢You're Brilliant! 💡🌞 Great job on this series. 🥳🎉👏

@daniloaizart1100 2 года назад

Thank you so much

@Star-dj1kw 2 года назад

These 30 videos are so so GOOD

@TherapyinaNutshell 2 года назад

Thanks! I'm sad to see the series coming to an end.

@rehanfarooqui2071 2 года назад

Thank you. God bless

@TheMecca2012 2 года назад

love her!

@mandotorres746 2 года назад

From my experience, in changing the person has to want and be willing to change.

@marlene18g 2 года назад

So my behavior is I say hurtful things when I feel hurt , and it’s really difficult for me to control it. But this helps ! I will write it down.

@julialednicky7542 Год назад

Profuse thanks!!!

@Thoughts.369 2 года назад

Great Video 👌🏻 Good Effort 👍🏻 Have a nice day ❣

@anfyro8059 7 месяцев назад

We can use 5 whys method to get to the core belief.. then change either belief.. or thought or feeling or behavior which reenforces that belief

@barbaraaichs9492 2 года назад

Thank you

@youngdeku6634 2 года назад

Thank you for all that you do. Do you have any advice for is suffering from strong long term BFRB issues? I have had a bad nail and akin biting habit since childhood. I'm not giving up. Thank you for all of your advice so far. You have improved my life.

@loquacious_lisa 2 года назад

You’re amazing and this series is amazing !! Thank you thank you thank you so much 💖💖💖

@TherapyinaNutshell 2 года назад

You're so welcome!

@lelagill4923 2 года назад

Funny enough, this video showed up in my recommended the same day I was thinking of creating a plan to become my ideal self

@madrush24 2 года назад

Just noticed your books are color-coded. Love it!! BTW, that's not SNL. It's In Living Color or MAD TV.

@Lr8_youtube 6 месяцев назад

Life lesson are repeated until learned

@nohandle00000 2 года назад

You're amazing! Im so glad I found this channel 😄 I won't be buying anything cause Im from Poland.. you're too expensive for many of the non-dollars people lol BUT I bet I'll benefit from your videos anyway. Thank you 💛 BTW, if you want to translate your courses to expand your market, let me know! Cheers!

@letsreadtextbook1687 2 года назад

You know what they say, "Addiction is not about what they're addicted to, it's about what they're running away from"

@jason5265 10 месяцев назад

Wow the cycle of stopping one habit only to start another seems so obvious after hearing her talk about it. I’ve been through those cycles

@user-yu7tn8vh7n 2 года назад

Dear Emma, I have watched while taking notes most of your videos, and they are exremely helpful. I stopped some "bad" behaviors and have picked up many that help me live up to my values, right? Still there are times when I think that this "new" routine is just another escape, of some sort. I make sure I don't get exhausted when I notice I'm getting tired and I occasionally work on my emotions, which I try to do more of. I pause, think of stuff and such, but then I get on with my schedule. Do you have any advice on how to know whether I'm just filling my schedule as an escape or not? Thanks for your content!

@PabloBridge 2 года назад

i love you.

@shanmugapriyahari9712 7 месяцев назад

Please do make a vedio of resources for attachment problems especially self oriented please

@gogogolyra1340 2 года назад

Strike at the root!

@youngdeku6634 2 года назад

Nail and skin biting and picking. Each time I "quit", something big comes along that stresses me badly or makes me sad, then the habit returns. Sometimes the return is worse than it was before. This last time that I "quit", I was proud, but I did notice that the habit was being replaced with junk food. Then someone dropped a big stressor on me that repeated itself in my mind and made me feel anxious, threatened, angry, sad and alone. The original habit returned in addition to the new junk food habit, and my nails and skin are possibly the worse they have ever been.

@submetropolis Год назад

I've seen switch addriction happen so much. A friend of mine,his grandfather was a drinker. He stopped drinking but started gambling. Another friend of mine stopped using drugs but started playing video games... doesn't sound so bad but he lost his wife and had to move back in with his parents because he didn't do anything else. It was weird to watch it because I personally would never think video games would be so bad... until I had a very bad year and found myself ignorning all my responibilies to just play games because it was my comfort zone. I still play but I try to limit it. I never knew it was called Switch addiction.