What Teenagers Want You to Know | Roy Petitfils | TEDxVermilionStreet 

I swear adults always say teenagers are antisocial but when i take my dog on a walk and greet people on the trail adults answer the least

As a teenager the only thing I want people to know is please knock on my door before you enter my room.

What teenagers want: To be heard To not be patronised To have our ideas considered and not dismissed

Fun Fact: Most people watching this video are teenagers.

This is the first and only time I have ever seen "all teens want is attention" in a positive manner and honestly it's really touching

This guy sounds like he’s at the verge of crying yet he can’t stop making jokes. It made my brain oof

Me: *makes a valid point in an argument* Parents: H O W D A R E Y O U D I S R E S P E C T M E

My parents: "why r u always in your room?" Me: * gets out* Then: Oh wow, you _finally_ came out Don't you know how discouraging that can be? When you try to do something but get shunned for not having done it sooner?

My parents would always tease me about being in my room all the time and would call me a hermit or a shudden but that always made it harder to actually get out of my room

And those invisible teenagers grow up to be invisible adults. It doesn't just stop at the teenage years. It can go into adulthood too.

Me: Begins winning in an argument My parents: I'm sorry, I don't speak d i s r e s p e c t

Adults always say we need to “learn how to make our own choices” or “be more responsible” but when it’s a decision that actually effects our life the most we suddenly are not allowed to have any input.

Teenagers want you to know that their problems, like the ones of children, adults, and the elderly alike, are deeper than a 5 sentence paragraph, a 3 page multiple choice test, or anything you can write on a college application

when his voice cracked when he said "my wife" i teared up

it kinda sucks that i have a better relationship with a stranger over the internet than my own family...😂

Me: Trying to make a valid point. Adults: This is not a kid's conversation. Me: Keeping my mouth shut Adults: Why are you disrespecting?

When asked if bullying was a problem in my school, I would always say no, we mostly ignore each other. We all have our circles and the ones who don't have a circle are just left to wander.

Teenagers are expected to act like adults but are still treated like children. Even being 18 and living with my parents I didnt magically get the attention society deems worthy of Adults Only. I had a talk with my mom a few months ago about saying thank you to Me for simply doing the dishes or setting the table and she got upset with me, making me feel like I wasnt worthy of the simple act of being thanked. Later once I'd calmed down and she was driving me to a meet up with friends I said to her "you expect me to say 'thank you' after this car ride right? Cause that's the decent thing to do" and she said yes and I said "all I was saying is that I wish you'd extend the same courtesy to me" and she apologized, saying sometimes she guessed she forgot her pleases and thank you's. I wish I could have more moments like that with my parents, where they would actually listen to what I'm trying to say rather than immediately jumping on the grumpy sullen teenager train, as he said: we are experience rich and vocabulary poor and we need people, Especially adults to reach out to us cause sometimes we dont know how, or its misconstrued as something that's just a "teenager problem"

"teenagers are experience rich, but language poor." these. these are some wise words, and they hit home.

Adults think their so smart especially teachers and parents... They think their always right no matter what, you argue or talk back and try to prove your point, you get punished and you never win.

I think it hurts more to get fake attention like when it feels like your parents are forcing themselves to be around you and anything you say or do is forgotten by everyone they're there but not really there

"i dont know how to not avoid them but i dont want them to avoid me" this made me cry. Im a 17 year old girl too and ive never known how exactly to express it but i feel this exact way about adults. i wish i could talk to this guy he sounds incredible.

Literally all my parents do is criticize me, and then they’re like, “Why don’t you ever spend time with the family?”

Me: Is frustrated upset or sad My parents: WhAt'S WiTh ThE AtTiTuDe??

I was in class and I think my teacher was in a bad mood. This girl walked up to her to ask her a question and the teacher yelled at her. The girl didn't show any disrespect so I instantly knew it was wrong of her to yell at this girl. I told my teacher that "all she did was ask a question so you don't need to yell". She gave me a detention, but why was what I did considered wrong? The fact is it was not wrong at all. I only received this because I'm a child and a child can NOT know anything. They always say stand up when somebody is being mistreated or somebody is being rude, but if it's the teacher I guess it doesn't apply. I didn't try to go against it or tell any other teachers because I didn't want to make it worse besides who would believe a child.

That must have been really awkward for the butcher

I want parents to know that phones and technology arent always the cause of our problems. There was even this one time I was pouring water in my glass and the lid of the pitcher fell and the water obviously spilled. Guess where the phone is? It was on another table and my mother goes "This is what you get for looking at your phone" and I was like wtf mom the lid was loose and the goddamn phone didnt have anything to do with it. They also usually blame your technology for having any type of problem basically. Headaches because you didnt eat, phones, dizziness because of a reason not related to your phone, phones, your failing grades even though you crammed 20 hours, phones. Problem, phones. Im just sick of this.

Yesterday, my mom and I got into an argument and I’m a teenager right now. You know what she told me? She said, and I quote, “You have no rights and you deserve no rights”. So I just want to say I’m going through a bad time right now and this ted talk really helped me. On that note, thank you.

I'm at such a crossroads, I want to be seen, but clam up during any conversation, and my real thoughts don't come out.

The day before winter break this year, my language arts teacher gave us one assignment for the day and that was to write as many compliments to people in the class as possible. At that point, sirens were already going off in my head since I wasn't close to really anyone in that class, let alone did I ever really talk to any of them. The teacher said her goal was for everyone to receive a compliment. _Oh, god._ Guess who got the generic pity compliments from people who barely know me. Yup, it was me. That exercise was meant to be uplifting for everyone, but it totally ruined my day. Being invisible sucks

my mom: tell me everything u feel, dont let it sink in me: starts to tell... my mom: *WHY ARE U LIKE THAT!!!???*

"rejection is not our greatest fear .... Greatest fear is invisiblity " I love what he just said !!!

This is so true, teenagers thoughts and opinions should be valued as much as adults. That magic age of 18 doesn't make a difference. Amazing talk 🙌🏼

No ones talking about the fact that a guy that’s 4 times my age is telling me what I want others to know...

Mom: youre anti social Me: *sees my mum on the phone every single day*

I got chills when he said “you haven’t been able to get an accurate weight at the doctors in years” “it only goes up to 350 pounds”. That’s so sad.

Over the past few years I've become baffled over the negative connotations behind the word 'attention seeking'. It's one of the worst, most insulting, most degrading and invalidating things you can be called, at least at my age and where I live. It's an attack on your character, and if you're labelled an 'attention seeker' you're also labelled a terrible, selfish person. It's almost as if humans aren't inherently, biologically social creatures. Like elephants, meerkats, whales, birds who flock. Social isolation can literally BREAK a person's brain. It can cause things like psychosis in very severe cases. People NEED people. People NEED to be SEEN in order to be healthy, in most cases. OF COURSE people are attention seekers. OF COURSE they crave being seen and understood, and they long for empathy. It's in our nature. And I just can't believe that when I was 13, 14, I would DESPISE people and look so far down upon them for being 'attention seekers'. And I can't believe how deeply it would affect me when people called me an attention seeker.

as a teenager I can tell you that he is spot on. We really want to talk to paents and to adults in a normal way, we want to have serious conversations as well, but somehow it's just so hard to talk normally to them. You can't even force yourself to be nice to them and stop acting cool. So please adults do that instead of us and we will be really grateful.

its so rare to see a person born before 1996 to understand the life of teens nowadays. Props to u Roy Petitfils

if i showed this to my parents they would cut me off completely from the internet

Russel Barkley : “The children who need love the most will always ask for it in the most unloving ways”

Teens don't tell adults cause they are labeled negatively or told off for it. Student: "Hey sorry i don't have the assignment done i had a long _____ practice last night an things happened at home, but i promise I will get it-" Teacher: "You will have half credit cause it is late. next time manage your time better an stop making excuses an being lazy" The the worse is when adults compare as if two people the same. Student: Sleeps in class Parent: Yells "What is wrong with you!?!?! You teacher called you sleep in class now?!" Student\Child: "I don't care.." Parent: Even madder yells "I work all day, and you saying you don't care!? Ungrateful. your sister seems to do just fine." Student/Child: ........"I just don't care...I'm tired. I been workin hard all year." parent: "And yet still can't speak english. WORKING not workin" what is they battle depression, anxiety, have a job, doing 8 assignments a night. So many outside variables can change things but if voiced are shrug off am the childs is labeled an blamed. so they keep quiet. hopefully someday this will change

My family always mocks me and make jabs at the fact I'm always downstairs away from everyone. But every time I come upstairs I am further belittled and I can just be standing there and they say "Ok bye" "why are you still up here" "go back downstairs" Then they have the audacity to ask me why I never come upstairs.

I had this incredible headmaster at my secondary school. He would always greet us and ask us how we are doing. He learnt everyone’s name and regularly took people out of class at random to go to his office, have tea and biscuits and talk with people we usually would never (for example: 1st years and year 13’s). He made sure everyone’s voice was heard and treated us all with respect. He valued our opinions and helped us when we needed it. He truly was an amazing headmaster and I miss him. Our school has a new headmaster who doesn’t care about the students and is giving detentions out over the smallest things, even opinions.

This is so important. Being sixteen, i see so many of my fellow classmates either act out in an attempt to be noticed or shut down in hopes that someone will care enough to find out what's really going on. We live in a world that is so deprived of love and true care, and we all need to remind ourselves to bring kindness everywhere we go, even to those that are in a different social "group" than us, age groups included. Thank you!

i hate it when they treat me like a kid and expect me to get a job and act like an adult like wtf bruh? Amma chill and spend mah teen years before my ass becomes an adult. Cuz we're between kids and adults do we basicallly act a mixture of them. We can act like an adult at times and kids at times.

Parent : argues with teen Teen : talks back Parent : HoW DaRE YoU TAlK BaCk tO mE lIke ThaT Teen : in their head well that’s how a conversation works

I started RU-vid because I was afraid of becoming invisible. And eventually, I became invisible... I am 15 year old immigrant from England who lives in the US. I moved when I was young and you can guess what happened. Bullying. Non stop bullying. I moved school...but instead of being bullied, I was invisible, all because I was the only one who could not fit in. If it was not for my small youtube community, I dont know where I would be. Home is where I can fit in and be me

Your teen years are the one time when everyone expects you to be perfect

i just wish my dad would listen. he never lets me voice my opinion, he doesn't ever talk to me, and i don't feel like he really cares much. i want to be able to talk to him and have a good relationship with him, but he shoots down all of my ideas and makes me feel like i'm less of a person than he is. so i'm constantly stuck between wanting him to hear me and wanting to save myself from rejection.

I want my parents to know that speaking my opinion to them is not me being rude. Regardless age we should all be able to express our opinions.

Me: finally snaps and talked back* Parents: *YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME, MORTAL?!*

outstanding. now if you will excuse me,I just need to go reapply my mascara.

I never understood why am I sad in family meetings... I always want to go home and cry. But why? this is my family I am supposed to be happy to be with them. Now I know why. Everybody is ignoring me. They are taking with my oldest cousins because they crossed this magic line of 18 years old. Us younger members of family sit next to our parents. We just send glares and little smile to each other to signalize that we fell the same. We just want others to talk to us. Thank you for making me understand why I always feel like leaving and crying in my room when I am in a room filled with my family. Sorry for for mistakes English isn't my first language.

i wish i could make my parents understand that you can't just "get over" social anxiety and depression

All I need is for my parents to understand the concept of privacy. Other than that, love them

I was bullied for all my years in school, it's only stopped in the last year. I've moved schools but the bullying continues. Just different bullies. The 'psychic shock' Roy talks of here is true. Once in one of my new schools, a girl came up to me and wished me a happy birthday. She had remembered what I had told her a month before. I cried because I was so in shock that someone remembered me. The smallest of gestures can really change someone's life.

An adults opinion about teenagers I can finally agree with, this guy is amazing.

My parents tune out of my conversation when they're not interested. Now I don't talk to them as much. And they say I'm antisocial.

Love how parents always say we’re spending too much time at home or in our room, but when we ask to go out do something with friends or something they always say that we never spend time at home and are always out smh

I honestly cried so much while watching this video because I, myself am a teenager and even though I may not be poor and have a great family, that doesn't mean that I'm not ignored. I honestly related so much to this video that it made me have flashbacks to all the times I've been ignored and it honestly made me tear up at how many there are.

_Just wanna point out that this comment escalated into rambling about an unrelated topic, so you may wanna skip reading all of this_ Ya know... I'm not invisible...but I am in a weird area... I'm well-known by the people who know me... I guess I have some kind of strange quirkiness or something that people see in me or something. I'm not popular, I'm not bullied, and I'm not talked to much. But a ton of people know who I am. To be honest, I haven't had a true friend in 4 years. All the "friends" since then... I haven't really felt close to. I haven't had fun with them. We have laughs, and we talk at lunch and stuff, but eventually all my old friends drifted away into their own groups, and now we barely know each other any more. When looking at people at school, you can usually place them into their respective friend groups, but I don't have one. There are some people that I "hang out" with at lunch. They are just the people who sit at my table, and although I know them pretty well, I honestly don't fit in with them. I don't understand who I really am. I don't have friends, I'm not popular, I'm not hated, I'm not bullied, but I'm fairly well-known... I'm pretty much the only person I know that can't fit into any respective friend groups, and no one shares similar interests like me, in the way that I do. My likes and interests aren't important to the conversation, but they are what I want to talk about the most every day... the problem is that no one else really cares, and if they do, they are no where near as passionate as me and they often don't really know as much as they let on. I'm stuck talking about boring and trivial things at Lunch, instead of what I really long to talk about. People often say that I just need to look at the stuff I do have in common... and I do... The problem is, there isn't a nice balance between talking about what I love, and the other stuff that I happen to have in common with others... I never really talk about what I love, and it makes me feel so isolated. If you ask me who my greatest friends are, I'd probably start listing off the people I speak to on Discord and RU-vid, because they are the ones whom I can actually converse my passions with. I can talk about the most insignificant details and ideas and still have people understand... I can have debates and arguments that feel fun to me, and I can be introduced to things that I never even noticed, or thought about. So Who am I at school? I don't really know... I'm someone who doesn't belong... I'm just sort of there...

Currently crying, this is all I’ve wanted the adults around me to understand and most of them never have and it makes me extremely happy to know that at least someone can see us and that even if it’s not me, one of us will be seen. That’s all I need to know to keep my hope

Why isn't anyone talking about how he teared up five minutes in

My parents and peers always say that I have no emotions. It’s just I don’t always show how I am feeling. I might be do sad one day but be smiling and laughing at my family’s jokes about me being emotionless and me doing nothing and being lazy. Little do they know that I am hurting sO much on the inside. I don’t want to show them how I am feeling because they will just say it’s a phase or make a joke or just something that will make me feel uncomfortable. The only person I tell how I am feeling is my best friend. I love her like a sister but sometimes it’s also hard to tell her how I am but she is the only person who knows me really well.

Thank you at least one man sees this I'm tired of feeling like I'm nothing just because im not 18... im 17 and can't wait to move out

When he talked about the girl saying that she wanted to connect with her parents and 8 people agreeing I teared up a bit.

Every time I watch this video I end up crying. When a stranger on youtube sees you more than your mother, you know somethings isn't right.

What I wish I could tell my parents: 1. Being strict/abusive won't make me behave better, it'll make me behave worse. 2. I'm trying. I'm trying to get better in math class, I'm trying to battle my depression, I'm trying eat normal. 3. School is unbelievably stressful, you yelling at me won't make my grades get better. 4. I don't self harm for attention. 5. I'm sorry that my depression hurts you, hitting me won't make a difference. 6. Goodbye.

I've never cried because of a Ted talk. I guess there's a first time for everything.

1:55 that sank my heart because of how much his mom did for him.

I started crying when he talked about holy cross high school. That story was powerful, and it resonated with me deeply.

I try to be with my family but I feel more lonely when I'm in the same room with them. When I'm alone with my mom I'm too scared to say anything so she just makes that phone call she's been meaning to make.

"Rejection is not our greatest fear. Our greatest fear is to be invisible" That is so true... wonderful talk

Sure, I’ve been in pain every day for the past 2 years. But that doesn’t make me any less in pain. Just cause you have a hard life doesn’t mean we don’t. No mom, I don’t wanna go to school today. Cause school only makes me worse. But yes, I’ll go because I have to. I’ll put a mask over my pain and make people think I’m perfectly fine. Every single time I try to tell my mom that I don’t feel good, cause there’s a bulldozer in my head, she says “i don’t know if this is real anymore. Your sick way too conveniently” and I’m have to go to school where I don’t even pay attention, and make it through about 2 periods when I go home sick. I would have been fine if you just let me stay home, but now the process is gonna be repeated because you just made it worse.

My mom always compares me to my friend at school and it hurts.

I'm homeschooled, ad god I wish someone would just take me out for coffee. I spend my life in my room, in this house, and no one even bothers with me anymore. Everyone wants me to go out to big events and when I dont want to they sum it up as me being anti social. but really, I'm not. i dont do well with crowds but god, I'm so lonely.

My family didn't really ever include me in important conversations even though I'm supposed to know everything. I had a set of close friends but they didn't care about me like how I wanted to be cared for. How I cared for them. But this one teacher. History teacher, he was known as the best teacher. Not for his ways of teaching, although they were great, not for his funny expressions.. no, it wasn't that either. It was because he gave us his absolute undivided attention to a bunch of high schoolers were any of them ever to approach him. It wasn't much, but it made my day absolutely better. I wish I could talk to him every now and then, because if I ever just wanted to make sure I existed, he made me certain of that.

I truly hope that I can be the best mother I can be to my teenage son/daughter. ❤️

Is it just me or does anyone else hate the word “teenager” It just doesn’t sound right in my head

Damn good Ted Talk😢😭My son is 16 and over the past years I see him closing up and shutting me out...instead of reaching out to him,I pulled away to give him space but things didn't change and now more than ever,I feel like a stranger to him.😔I wanted to be his loving mom who understands him but instead I feel like "I shut him out".I was a teenager once and felt all alone too,I don't want him to feel that way.sometimes I think us adults get so wrapped up in our own issues we do forget about our teens...😣I want to find a way to reconnect with my son,let him know I care and love him.🙏

This is so accurate! I was a really quiet kid all through school, a good student. But because I didn’t show any connections to people because that would in my experience make me a “bad student” and so I was separated from my ONLY friend in the entire grade. I spend that whole year being severely depressed and blamed myself for what happened. If the adults in my school had even so much bad asked who we wanted to be in a class with I wouldn’t have self harm scars. This talk is so powerful and I’m so happy that someone understands what teenagers want.

Our whole lives we wait for the moment a person sitting across us says: "I see you."

Me: Literally saying "i want to die" to my mom one day and it remaining unheard the day after. Her: Getting angry at us by just an assumption that we didn't have plans for her on mothers day, when we in fact planed something i see the priorities...

I love how this is coming from a 40 year old man

This man got me crying two times...in just one video...

Me: Winds an argument against my parents Parents: Punish me for being right Me: *Confused*

parents: “Because you can!” what I want them to know: Yes, I can but have you ever asked me if I’m happy about it? Children shouldn't be forced into doing what they don't enjoy just for you to have something to be proud of.

I'm a 17 year old who is invisible to both peers and family. I have anxiety, so I hate introducing myself to people. I just get really sacred (I actually only have 5 total friends, all of which talked to me first). My mom constantly works, and my sister is never at home. It's not the fear of being invisible (as I've been this way most of my life) that hurts, it's the soul-crushing loneliness that happens when you are ignored. Also, this TED talk is scary accurate to my situation. I wish I could actually receive counseling from Mr.Petitfils. Good work!

When I was little, I was shy, but I still talked to people and made friends. Now as a teenager, I've noticed how cruel and judgmental other teens are, especially behind people's backs. Now I don't have any friends because I'm terrified to talk to people my age. I always worry that they're thinking bad things about me and they're going to make fun of me. This was something I never worried about when I was younger.

0-12 years old: "Let me do that dear" The day after your 13th birthday: "Your growing up now,you need to learn to take care of yourself!" "When you move out,you'll thank me for teaching you to do dishes" "She's only 3! Your a teenager, you can take care of yourself!" "Get out of your room and be social" Five minutes later at dinner... "Eat with your mouth shut! Use a spoon like a girl your age!". Teenager" I just became a teen,give me a break"(breaks down and and runs out of the room crying).

my parents always asked "why dont you hang out with your friends?" I had already succeeded at becoming the best ignored student, I was invisible and i knew it. I was the kid that sat alone while listening to teachers and pastors telling the students to hang out with the students who sat alone. I was the kid who sat alone on the floor to eat my lunch since all the tables were taken by other groups. Why didn't i join any of those, because i didnt understand myself and i didnt know how to act or react around people. i looked one way and felt another but I knew no one cared. If i acted one way i could be part of my church, but deep down i hated myself for everyone told me they loved the person who i knew i wasnt but didnt know how to express it and was afraid to because i didnt want to be rejected.

"I know avoid them but they also avoid me, and I don't know how to not avoid them but I don't want them to avoid me" *SAME*

I'm 13 and this almost made me cry. I've written a poem about being invisible and people who read it said, oh this sounds like anti-bullying you should hang this up in the counseling office, and they completely ignored me and what I was trying to get across with those words. I just want people to listen to me, and value my opinion instead of thinking if me as just a teenager. All around me adults are trying to tell me what I need to do without hearing what I have to say or valuing my opinion. I'm invisible, even to the people who seem to pay attention at their heart of hearts don't really care. I just want to be heard, and I want my words to be valued. If only people would take the time to know this. Please don't let me remain invisible...

he was so spot on i started crying

Its always “you need to start being more independent, im not gonna be around forever.” When you need support and “Youre MY child you need to listen to me and stop going off and doing other things without permission” when you listen

I’m just so happy abt all these comments, that I’m not the only one who feels this way. Yes I do have friends I talk to at school, but I have one really good friend that I hang out with outside of school. To some this is very little but to me, this is enough. Sometimes I’ve drifted or been on and off with some friends, but for the most part it has been fine. But the bad part comes in when I walked into my 9th grade English class. I only know one person in there, my neighbor. But we don’t really talk because I was super weird in elementary school and ig she judged me on that. But in some classes I feel comfortable with people, and the class while in some others like English, I literally feel so out of place. I sit in the front cause we have assigned seats unfortunately, and I just feel completely invisible. We did though have a project recently so my neighbor knows I’m not weird anymore and we’ve talked a little, but it’s so weird. My best friend is nothing like me, tons of friends, super popular, and athletic, and weve known each other since the 6th grade. (Now in 9th) but we get along so well. If anyone made it this far, thanks for reading all this rant, and have a nice day. I rly hope someone can relate to this. Edit: if u ever feel invisible, listen to “Invisible” by NF his music is so beautiful

As someone who currently suffers from depression, so i've been told, teenagers, and kids in general, really just need someone, someone who'll listen to them, someone whom they know that respects them and will listen

Literally, one person holding the door for me and smiling ar me kept me off the brink when I was in school. One person seeing me and saying "good morning" was all that I needed, it's all that a lot of people need. But schools are set up in a way that only the people that are good at getting attention and are smart and special get it. There's more than enough attention, and the same number of people that are taking all of it need it, and they need it a lot. Teachers would ignore me other than to reprimand me for messing up while some straight-A student that didn't even need any attention was getting all of it. Teachers are supposed to be there to help but they only help the people that they deem deserving of help and not in need of help, that's how all adults are. And that's why teenagers that aren't that top 10%, those special 200, just go through school with varying degrees of just feeling alone. And those honors students feel alone in a different way, they feel singled out and placed above everyone else and they don't even know why. We're failing as a society to just see who needs to be seen and not see who doesn't

This guy made me laugh and cry in one session, such a strong amazing story that touches everyone. Amazing!