What the HELL is Cargo? (A Shameless Pixar Rip-off) 

This movie sucks. What other terrible rip-off movies are there? I need to find and burn them Support me on Patreon : www.patreon.com/saberspark Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/Saberspark

The Cars: [start talking] Their Heads: ⬆ ⬇ ⬆ ⬇ ⬆ ⬇ ⬆ ⬇ ⬆ ⬇ ⬆ ⬇ ⬆ ⬇ ⬆ ⬇

"Shakescar"? That's the best you could come up with? That's not even a pun! Brakespeare. Shakesgeare. Eighthgeare. Gimme something.

Favorite quote of this movie: “hehehe they’re all in jail”

Rest in Peace Ed Asner (1929-2021), actor behind Art in this god-awful movie. I loved Elf and Up as a kid, so he's gone but never forgotten.

Y O U ' R E A L L I N J A I L

I can see “ _NOOOOO_ “ and “Gross” becoming regular sounds in this series.

14:01 Ok, I have to admit, that was a pretty good take. Imagine there being an island where old/injured people get sent to die. That car's response would be very, very accurate. I feel bad for him; that poor little car is legit panicking!

Everyone's be like Danny is Sora, Cabigail is Sabrina/Clarissa, and Danny's dad is Carl, but nobody mentioned that the car who rammed into Danny's dad has the same voice actress as Flame freaking Princess?

Random thing that drives me insane in this movie: he gets all worried because he didn't study for a SURPRISE test. *Of course you didn't study, you didn't know you would have a test*

The "Hi, I'm Ed Asner." Followed by the pocketknife is what gets me ever time.

Rest in Peace to the legend: Ed Asner. You will be missed.

Me: "I scratched my finger, can I have a band-ai-" Nurse: "Clunker island."

7:53 That "Sex Toy" Is a bottle of Nitrous Oxide, aka "Nos". You use that to make the car go faster. So its a "No Drugs" sign

Me: “my foot hurts” Doctor: “OFF TO CLUNKER ISLAND!”

20:08 No joke, I literally thought that the dad was actually saying that, up until the bowels part. Its just the lip sync in this movie made me think that he was actually saying that... Nowadays I just close my eyes and think that Carl from Up is saying that....

How do cars have kids? They don’t they assemble and build them and they get upgraded as time goes on. Anyone who’s watched Robots would know that (that’s another good underrated movie) Nudge nudge

Most of those puns aren't even puns, they're just random words with "car" shoehorned in!

Theory: Cargo universe is a dystopia. In this universe, cars have to be 100% perfect. If some car isn't perfect, they send it to an island, where it has to die.

"You are either cheap, lazy or both" They could also just be outright incompetent.

Makes sense why the company that made this is called "The Asylum", because that's exactly where the people who work for this company need to go.

8:10 "When you're in juvenile detention garage, would you rather work in laundry, or making license plates?" ...THEYRE CARS. THEY DONT HAVE LAUNDRY.

So, when Dany fights the monster truck he wears parts of car wrecks, thats basically the equivalent of an armor made of human skin and bones.

That “never ever” speech felt like my entire life. Bring it back pls

It takes more than Sora from Kingdom Hearts to salvage this movie.

16:20 Oh COME ON, at least get the pun right. "Shakescar"? It shoulda been "Shakesgear"! The obvious joke was right there!

Ok, but "I heard your entire plan an hour ago" is honestly hilarious

A movie for “There’s a Wocket in My Pocket” seems like a horror movie.

Saberspark: its just cars talking to each other. Me: sounds like Cars 2.

The “No” from Joshua and the promised land gets. Me every time 😂 lol

If they're anthropomorphised cars, wouldn't a drag race just be a fun, wholesome foot race between friends? Why would a policeman get angry at some kids running in the park

Just want to say that the intro of "never ever" too many times reminded me of that scene from singing in the rain where people were mocking their movie by saying "i love you i love you i love you i love you" That would be me.

13:15 -- They took him to ICU... Intensive Car Unit That delivery was perfect though.

"There will be no dildos in this classroom"

Me: I have a little cough Nurse: Clunker island

Me: mum can we get Cars Mum: We have cars at home Cars at home:

May I be 100% honest here? The part after "clunker island" is introduced is actually quite fascinating.

"Hi, I'm Ed Asner" *pulls switchblade*

The saddest thing about this movie is... This plot could have been interesting. Imagine, a world of the future that is practically an Utopia, with crime barely existing and quality of life at an all-time high. Our protagonist, a high school student, is at the top of his class and a son of a successful doctor. He has a promising career ahead of him, his life basically set in stone. To the outside world, he appears hard-working and dedicated, but inside, he's apathetic and finds his life boring and void of meaning. He constantly gets into fights with his father due to not wanting to go to the med school of his father's choice, and makes it a habit to fake sick and skip classes just to wander aimlessly around town. On one of these walks, he meets a group of teen delinquents, who introduce him to an underground world of violent fighting tournaments, which fascinate him as a symbol of rebellion against boring safety of his everyday life. He becomes a spectator, then a fighter, and gets quite good at it due to his dedication and disregard for his own life. However, his father begins to suspect that his son is up to something and follows him to the tournament site one night. He witnesses his son about to lose in a death match and intervenes, saving his son but getting badly hurt in the process. The police and the paramedics arrive, the father is sent to a hospital, where his injuries are deemed untreatable and he is sheduled to be euthanized. Feeling deep guilt and wishing to apologize to his father before it's too late, the main character stays in the hospital overnight despite it being against the rules, and accidentally overhears the terrible truth - the reason there are no disabled people in this future Utopia is because those who are severely injured and lose one or more organs or limbs are deemed "waste" and sent to secret facilities where their working organs and limbs are removed and distributed among the members of the elite, including many top-tier underground fighters, who constantly lose body parts in the fights, but get new ones from the facilities, just so they could go on fighting endlessly. The main character is too late to stop the facility workers from taking his father, who is still alive, but decides to find the facility and save his father, whatever it takes. With the help of his troubled delinquent friends, he begins to make his way up in the undergrouns fingting world in hopes to get close to the elite and learn more about the facility his father was sent to, learning horrible facts about the way the "perfect" world around him works, growing as a person, and facing harsh decisions along the way. I mean, it's a mediocre plot, but it could work. What we got, though... It absolutely did not.

Apparently this movie was so wild to me the first time I watched this that I later mistook the entire thing for a fever dream and couldn't tell if it actually existed or not.

Male car: Yes, I care that you care. His "head": ⬆️↗️➡️↘️⤴️↪️↩️↔️↕️↖️⬅️↙️⬇️⤵️⬆️⬆️⬆️↗️↗️➡️➡️↘️↘️⬇️↙️↙️⬅️⬅️⬅️⬇️⬆️⬇️⬆️⬇️⬆️

"I wanna begin where you end". If Human Centipede was a romantic musical

Ed Asner just pulling a knife killed me. Literally and metaphorically. 10:02

The "sex toy in the class" is actually a picture of a noss tank. So assentally the teacher has a sign in her room saying no energy drinks allowed.

R.I.P Carl Fredrickson

“I don’t care to see you incarcerated” literally so romantic

Well, we do harvest organs. If the person's an organ donor.

The "intensive car unit" joke was very funny the second time I played it, and you know what. For the excuse of a animation. It manages to chuckle me regardless!

Hearing Sora’s voice come out of that car is driving me nuts.

"A surprise quiz? I didn't study!" That's... Kind of the whole point of pop quizzes? You're not meant to know when they are, so to actually study for one is kind of impossible isn't it? Sure, he could have just studied in general, but who does that unless they expected something coming up?

Apparently, the slightest scratch counts as “totaled.” The nurses are too lazy to actually do anything

Man, I wish I was saberspark's friend so I could watch some weird ass movies on a regular basis

Rest in Peace, Ed Asner November 15, 1929 - August 29, 2021 😞

They seriously used 'Shakescar' when 'Shakesgear' was just sitting right there.

Just imagine being in prison and the guard is just humming and mumbling, "You're in jail."

17:38 wait hold on are they wearing jumpsuits? how does THAT work

13:52 Spoiler alert, that happens way too often in real life. There are even places in the world that want to make organ harvesting a mandatory thing, can't let good organs go to waste it seems.

Saberspark: “CarGo is the worst Cars Ripoff.” A Car’s Life: “Allow me to introduce myself.”

2:03 “hmhmhm you’re all in jail” I AM DEAD

13:44 That's the plot of the book Unwind- ( A young adult book by Neal Shusterman)

Rip Ed Asner

So this *”children’s”* movie encourages; faking illness to skip school, the song after says if you study your not cool, competing in illegal road races, competing in the car equivalent of a freaking gladiator match, escaping jail, gambling with a cannibal for the promise of a boat ride (even though it’s a coin flip so its 50/50 there gonna die... if your gonna gamble at least don’t be stupid and take horrible odds), competing in another gladiator style death match... great lessons...

"What happened? ' "You passed out" "And you betrayed me' Best writing ever

I love how at 7:04 you can see the textures going crazy in the background.

19:28 ???: "Heads, You get to go on the ferry." Tails:"į ƓƐͲ Ͳට ƐȺͲ ӋටԱ."

We just gonna ignore that the friend car said his name is Vin Diesel?

17:55 Ah, my favorite song, “You’re all in Jail”.

RIP Ed Asner!

I heard sora's voice from Kingdom Hearts so i was like "is that haley joel osment"

"Don't be a jerk, always pay bills."

That Lion screaming "Noooooo" is the best! That should be a meme for 2018!

4:20 Sora what are you doing in that movie!?!?

Ed Asner is gone now RIP Danny's dad

this movie looks like it was made by eating a computer and letting your digestive system model animate and edit the movie and then literally shitting out the final cut of the movie

The worst part is, this film is still *better* than that "other" _Cars_ rip-off, _A Car's Life,_ which was released all the way back in 2006. Saber, for the love of all that is Holy, DO NOT review that film.

RIP Ed Asner 💔

RIP: My boy Ed Asner

*Don't be a jerk, Always pay bills* 10:42

ＨＭＭ　ＨＭＭ　ＨＭＭ　ＨＭＭＭＭＭ　ＹＯＵ＇ＲＥ　ＡＬＬ　ＩＮ　ＪＡＩＬ

"it doesn't look that terrible" *car throws up* "oh"

2:16: Main characters: *Having a soft-spoken argument about caring* That one cop in the background: *YOUNG LOVE*

Dude, Saber, another one right out of the park. Keep up the great work

"BurritoOoOoOoOs?" - Spirit of the Forest (Princess Mononoke: New Dub 2k18)

CarGo, but only when they say "car" SOMEBODY MAKE IT HAPPEN

12:59 Came back to this video JUST to find this part lmao!!!

"Dont be a jerk always pay bill"

That theme song.. If you turn the volume down a little, and slow it down a little too.... It sounds like an anthem.... Like a really dangerous nations anthem

09:13 this wheel no stop spinning.

I thought Ed Asner was actually swearing in this movie, nice editing, Saber Spark

What the hell is Cargo? Cargo beep beep.

Shakespeare = Shakescar = Shakeshuman

9:17 can we just appreciate how the graphics under the car is literally an image.

8:47 okay but why does this actually slap 💀

At least it’s better than A Car’s Life

I'm sorry, this is too distracting to me, but... HOW THE HELL DOES A RENAULT R8 FATHER A PORSCHE 911?! That's like a horse being the father of a penguin!

I can’t hear Danny’s voice without hearing “HEARTLESS!

7:59 That is Nitrous, a chemical that can be used for brief power boosts, and is a key mechanic in games like _Need For Speed_

The princess mononoke bit made me laugh. Very good

Sounds like a bad video game plot. ...now, you get a disguise, now go to a demolition derby, then escape from jail, collect the car parts...

Aww but you skipped over the best song of the movie "I'm just a teeeeeeeenaAaAage caaaaaaarrr" We'd better get a musical number from Sora in KH4