What to do when nobody wants to hang out with you | A Nerd's Guide to Being Social 

Friendships are really difficult, it's the same drama with Ladies and we're all older, and it still drama. I like having social interactions, but I wish it was just a lot easier.

let’s take this discussion over email. Email me at bulcha@charismaticnerd.com

Hey man, if you want to discuss this with me a little further, you can email me at bulcha@charismaticnerd.com

Same

I’ve got a couple friends now, but it’s mostly the same as u described. I am however convinced that if continue experimenting I will succeed within the decade.

Get some hobbies, do what you think is fun, eventually you will meet folks with the same interests, and there is a good chance, you will become friends.

I remember reading a quote that said hell is meeting the person you could have become. By being self aware, you are taking steps to avoid your personal hell. It's not going to be an easy journey but it will be worth it!

Hey man, I get it. I would highly recommend therapy. I know that's an annoying answer, but with therapy you will learn more about yourself, what's holding you back, etc. And to be honest, if some people don't want to hang out with you, it's not that there is anything wrong with you, but those are people aren't a good fit. With therapy, you will rediscover your personal value and be able to find people who see the same value in you. And ignore those who don't. You got this ;)

How I’m feeling right now

Yes eventually in purgatory, you will have lots of company

Thank you so much for your comment champ! I won’t stop making these videos. I wish I had this type of content back in the day for my younger self, so gonna do my best for people like you!

Look at it as the beginning of a new chapter

Thanks for the kind comment! As long as my content is helpful, that’s all that matters 😉

My man! Thanks for the support, I appreciate it!!

You're going about it the right way. When it comes to friendships, they happen organically. And when you know what low quality friends are, then it will be simple for you to discriminate. But in the meantime, join social hobbies to have fun, and over time, there is a good chance you will find a couple of decent friends.

You got this man. Be patient, and be consistent. And the results will speak for themselves. Remember this quote from Baltasar Gracian about patience: Time and I against any two.

Why

Do you want to be my friend?

@@simonazlatanovska5326 sure!

@@vlaxshadow text me on ig

Did you become friends??

Feel free to ask me any questions if needed

@@Cant_find_it Hey mister, I hope you’re doing all right. I got a problem here I was struggling, making friends when I was a kid until now as a 19 years old. It is a nightmare for me to see myself as a loner doesn’t get up anyone stays in the house for a long time with the technology I really can’t know if I’m autistic or a normal person who is only shy but I remember that I can initiate talks with people who don’t reciprocate with me so me I know that I can’t talk to them at first because my parents are strict or it is a genetic thing that I am still shy and sometimes socially anxious as well as I got this something that’s called neuroticism I can’t speak one to one very easy with people but in groups I can’t delete them as I don’t know if my words will be taken seriously or valid at this point, I’m lost seeing people who have friends and they hang out with them every time and some of them live together. I thought that I got a disadvantage and yeah it’s really it’s advantage that I’m always alone and isolated from this situation, because in high school when I was 16 years old or 17 some students told me, I act weird or stupid so I don’t understand. Is this the reason why the jerks as you say they don’t want to make a friend with me they thought I was weird and nerdy. I really don’t understand. I wasn’t even wearing glasses I know it’s a weird stereotype. This is what’s haunting me to now I thought that I’m gonna stay isolated forever or alone also know when University no one is interested with me as I called approached a lot of students or colleagues so they don’t talk to me it’s felt dry the conversations but me my conversations weren’t the best but at least I wasn’t stuttering and I was going straight to the point as well as I’m a very serious person I don’t know about jokes is this the reason why people see me as a serious person or like him like a wall so no one’s to talk to me I just hope to know the reasons why these people are thinking of this mood because of them too. Maybe I can know my mistakes to learn from it. I hope if you can give me an advice because for me, it’s the first time hearing jokes, and some of things, or I feel, they are not funny, but people find it funny. This is why I thought that something wrong with me and autism more shit I just want to have some advice if you can’t help me. And thank you very much.

@Allayth20 don't be too hard on yourself first. You're still young and learning. What I would recommend is to read How to Win Friends and Influence People. Read this book multiple times. Next, see if you can join a social group. Like a rec sports team, combat sports, etc. I would recommend combat sports as the guys there are very supportive. Another thing to practise is the philosophy lay 5 bricks per day. A brick is the smallest social action you can take. Making eye contact with a stranger counts as a brick. Smiling at a stranger is a brick. Saying hi to a stranger is a brick. The goal here is to make being social a habit. It will be tough at first but go at your own pace, and time will be your ally. Also, don't be afraid to see a therapist, they can help you with some internal explorations and guide you in getting rid of any internal blocks. Feel free to email me at bulcha@charismaticnerd.com

Thanks for the comment! Honestly, when it comes to being manipulated, it's all about having personal standards in your life and making sure people are either meeting them or you leave them. .This is a simple way to avoid being manipulated. I made a video about creating personal standards and not being a slave to others, check it out here: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-n4kygcEyWjg.html. Let me know what you think

That person isn't your friend man. You deserve someone to at least communicate with you on simple things. You deserve better

Hey man, the thing is we need to experiment to figure out what we like and don't like. So this takes a little personal discovery. So go and try some different hobbies and activities. And then commit to the ones that were the most enjoyable. I didn't really know what I liked until I tried a few things like jujitsu, boxing, Korean karaoke, canoeing, board games. Some of them I liked and others I didn't. Gotta remember this is your life and it's your responsibility to discover yourself. You got this man. Let this be the spark for you to start creating your life.

Hey bro I really don’t know but i think if people think you are weird, that’s one of the most fucked up reasons.

Yes, church is a gathering place, but I'm not religious and don't want to listen to hypocrites😂

Listen man, it's okay to feel the way you do now. But it's only temporary. Life is long and it will get better. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-63tBIoCHbSU.html

It's not you. People are flaky But what you need to consider is create a higher standard for friends. And to go out and be more social to find those types of friends (social hobbies, initiating hangouts, etc). Also, being more social in general (read How to Win Friends and Influence People, great book in practising a little bit of social skills to get a lot in return). Yes, it will be hard and all. But after years of being the social person, you will naturally find high quality friends.

@@Cant_find_itwhat if you’re the only one reaching out/making plans and then when they have plans you’re excluded.

@@Blue_Jay6 you have to create standard for what you want on friends. And then go find social activists to meet more people (rec sports, volunteering , etc). Don't give any more effort to people who don't reciprocate. I've been there and has to let go of friendships where I was putting all the effort. It's tough at first. But you'll get used to maintaining respectable standards for friends.

Thanks for the comment man. And I feel your pain. Honestly, try to have the rule of thumb of three tries in reaching out and then moving on. The thing about building a social circle is finding people that want to hang out with you. Otherwise, it feels like an uphill climb chasing people who are not interested in you (this is from experience). You are a solid person for being social and don't lose that. Besides social groups, befriending older people has been a low-key way I found interesting people who want to hang out with me. Keep being social, don't give up. Just need to find people who are interested in you and not waste too much time on those that aren't. I hope this helps

You are now sounding too needy. Dont overvalue these bastards. I would never write them letters. They are not worth your time. Do noble things. Go to elderly home and give them company, tutor someone, get involved in charitable work. Just remember when those idiots are in need, dont respond to them.

@@Cant_find_it Yeah, I used to hang out with a lot of friends but no one hangs out with me anymore. I don't like being lonely with no friendships, I'll do my best to make new friends in order to quit being alone

That sucks man! But it's better to go out and find new people to meet. Life is too short to spend time chasing people who won't reciprocate. By taking the initiative with your social hobbies and social skills, you will find friends. Just realize that you have the power to create it. It might take time and effort but it's better spent on creating your social life, instead of trying to salvage the one with people who don't appreciate you

I meant applying it in real life

@TheCharismaticNerd_ Mb thank you

It gets better. Just a few rough patches during the journey

I would recommend joining Toastmasters. Public speaking is best learnt through practise and having a supportive group to give feedback