Stop Being Socially Awkward: 10 Behaviors That Make You Look Weird 

Thank you😭

@@paige4804 you're welcome

Thanks so much!

Good lord that's a lot. Not worth the trouble of fixing my weirdness.

It’s only a problem if it’s a problem, if you get my meaning.

This is brilliant

😂😂😂 same

As someone with social anxiety, I find the stress of trying to be social is plainly just not worth it...it just creates more stress and anxiety...I know it's a defeating attitude but I'm happier by myself than trying to be social just for the sake of being social.

@@javierdelgado1554 Long as you're happy. I'm happier at home with my pets than I ever am out around people.

@@gilgamesh..... It's not the ideal situation because we are social beings by nature but I just accept the fact that im different...I no longer fight it....it's hard because I do desire a companion...what keeps my going is my faith in God...ultimately this life is worth nothing without God.

Ya when we’re comfortable and being ourself were usually confident not awkward, it took me a while to reload it was social anxiety that was making me act awkward not because I’m fundamentally just awkward

i thought it was the same thing i guess im not awkward i just have social anxiety because if im comfortable with someone im not awkward

Aren't they the same?

@@fatimasahli9131 no cos if ur socially awkward you dont know how to speak to anyone even people your comfortable with speaking to. like u make things awkward or something. if u have just social anxiety then when your not anxious you can speak fine.

@@Cxoxo4 thanks for the elaboration

I think some of these are for good reason. Nobody wants to talk to someone who absolutely reeks or gets too close and makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. :/

@@apersononthisearth2276 Yeah I agree some may be dangerous depending on the circumstances or the places your at, or the importants to have manners and respect towards others but I’m talking about the people that are introverts or that stutter or that are known as quiet people but have a hard time to socialize but they are in least trying, I including myself, instead of being rude or showing no respect why not show humidity and compasión, some of us are trying to improve and fit in, you don’t know what they go threw everyday of their life’s, some of us are not like y’all that are good at socializing or finding relationships, some of us get hate and discrimination for being weird or are tagged as dumb, but why the hate why not just get along.

1000%

@@fighter500mx3 As a huge introvert myself I get what you mean, and I wasn’t trying to be rude or judgmental. I apologize that that’s how my words sounded. I hope you have a nice day!

If we all were being "ourselves" the world a be ugly

And being an introvert i also hate social media and hate living in a place where everybody knows everybody. I want my privacy back like pre social media era. Not to mention i have become an atheist (or agnostic) living in a religious society. Everyday feels like hell on Earth 😤

It's even worse for naturally shy people, it feels so isolating and depressing

I agree, I had a tumultuous upbringing with a you vs them mentality about everyone as a child. Now I realize with my partner, who is extremely social, at her events with family and friends how different it was and how I don’t understand basic interactions I should have had. I can come off as rude. I’m trying to fix it 😂

@@somber087 it usually happens when we ignore our own type of abilities, interests or get pressured by other people then the flow/manner in which our personality is adopting changes (require when we grow up) get disturbed

THANK YOU! This is me. I was homeless and went to 14 different schools. My focus was on trying survive, like to eat, and figure out where I was going to sleep and night and how to I was going to find shelter. I didn't have the luxury of just sitting and chilling flexing my social muscles.

Haha it does

I had one today

@@Wildredchase explain

Bro I hate it when that happens. I already kinda have trouble sleeping, so the cringe memory popping up just makes it worse lol

The thing is that if you are not as developed socially as you would like to be, you WILL do many cringe-moments when trying to socialise. That is the rule of practise, that you cannot avoid failing many times especially if you are new. However, those cringe moments are crucial as it will help teach you, and you will have less cringe, but good moments later on. Thats what I did, countless of cringe moments, but it helped me be a little bit more socially developed and normal. Try to use those moments when you can, even if they can seem scary.

Depends on the topic, in my experience. It's fine to start talking about goals and experiences and worldviews early on, but stuff like trauma-dumping early on is a huge warning sign that the person I'm talking to is likely to be more of an emotional burden than I'd like them to be.

Thats weird

@liz blanco sounds like you could do with some lessons in finesse in how to deal with such situations instead of coming across as rude & hostile.

Me too... although I suppose we all have boundaries, but I am much more forgiving of people bringing up taboo topics and quite enjoy hearing the deeper thoughts, feelings and experiences of others' lives. I like connecting on a deeper level more than superficial small talk.

@@SoniaAlese me too

Well at least he's got a father who cares. I'd recommend checking out Rian Stone's new book, really outlines all the steps in putting yourself together. Wish someone had given it to me at his age. Parenting's not easy.

@@sluggo562 name of the book??

@@user-hx8fv9fu3e Sure, it's called Praxeology Vol 1: On self actualization for the modern man. It's sort of a roadmap for improvement. From hygiene and fitness to conversation and relationship dynamics, covert contracts, outcome independence and unhealthy fixations. If you decide to get it make sure to give it a read yourself first to make sure it's something you want your son reading, but in my estimation it's suitable for 14+. There's a lot of self help out there but with most of it I think you just read it and move on to the next one. This one's very actionable and has made a world of difference for me.

@@sluggo562 is there a woman version of this book?

Wow i'm almost the polar opposite of him except that I'm also awkward.

I feel the pain, didn't have much interaction during my childhood its still haunting me the aftereffects I'm nearly 30 now. I have to pre-think everything I say or do.

I have a degree in psychology and still don’t understand it😂

Sociology helps. Every interaction is the same as a drama performance, the difference is we make up the script as we go along. There are social rules for making sure this show is believable, that is the specific issue for some people, not meeting those rules. (Erving Goffman’s dramaturgical analysis)

Nice try alien you’re not tricking me!

You have to change your perspective about communication. Rather than thinking about it as a physical thing, think about it as if you were writing a script between to people. Next time you are having an in-person conversation with someone, imagine there are subtitles when they are speaking. Then imagine what words you would write in response to what they just said. I have always been a great writer. But in person I am very quiet and shy. So I began to picture conversations as words on a page. I imagine that their words are being converted to text as they speak. Then I imagine that my written response to their text, is being converted to spoken words in my mouth.

Well put 👏

Thank you. This video made me feel bad about myself somehow. I’ll definitely take tips though.

Thank you, I agree

You're a really nice person, and thank you for doing that, you're really helping some people with this kind of attitude 💕

That was so heartwarming! I wish I met more people like you, not those who avoid.

I see it more as a general guide of what certain interactions lead or can lead to, instead of a strict what-to-do list. It's good to know what impact eye contact can have. That' it really. Really socially awkward people aren't aware of that. They ask themselfes why are always are lonely or weird, while at the same time maybe not noticing at all that they stare people down or never look at them at all. It's just something to be aware of and not something that is supposed to make you go crazy about it. The key point are the extremes. If you never look at someone when speaking, youre at an extreme end of the spectrum, if you stare them down, youre at the other extreme end of the spectrum. Don't go to the extremes, i think that's the message and something to be cautios of.

Why click on the video if you didn't want to hear this though?

​@@pvp6077 Some people are just more curious than others you small minded fool

I am amazed that these basic interactions are not second nature social conduct institutionalized conformities, etc. When I identify someone as you describe, I consider them without boundaries, more than that is the multiple narcissists so gifted at "emulating" social norms and empathy. Most of your examples are suffering from physchiatric illnesses. Depression/anxiety, addiction, personality disorders, narcisism, physchosis, etc.

@@bonitalehtonen1254 doesn't surprise me that someone as daft as you would think this.

I am very self conscious about my smile now. I have been having mental issues. And I feel like I can no longer smile in a sincere way. So I am always worried people will think I look depressed, or that my smile will look fake or akward

Don't think that way, there is no soul. And this guy is annoying and weird yet he thinks he's lovable. Why so close to the camera? It's off-putting. He is almost bad looking and I am being honest an not hurtful. He's not like us. This guy is not sensitive and has no idea how he comes off. And maybe the non-existent good Lord doesn't want the socially awkward to learn the truth. Will this guy ever realistically see how he looks and comes off? Not in the least. But he thinks the other weirdos can do it and should be subjected to his bullying and so-called corrective behaviorism.

This guy is too close to the camera. He doesn't understand space. He's obvious intelligent and full of himself. If i were him i might kill myself because he looks bad. :)

@@oppothumbs1 what is wrong with you? who hurt you?

@@oppothumbs1 are you okay bro

Eye contact is the gateway to communication

Oh no! It sucks to feel socially awkward. I hope this might help some.

😭

Me today going out for the first time in 1000 years

I didnt type it I just described how I felt and it hit it right on the nail

me

Same. It makes me sad.

"The only thing you can control is your comfort level within yourself." which is the real solution to cure social anxiety/awkwardness

@@TheToxinator meaning?

@@Astrothenix get out of your comfort zone & control your emotions until you’re comfortable to be social

@@TheToxinator ah ok thanks

Very very true!

Hey, you literally described my upbringing to a tee. Honestly, I’ve come to the conclusion that when interacting with people, refrain from observer mode in whatever way works for you. If you start getting that feeling where you get in your own head, recognize that it’s irrational and ends up actually making you appear awkward. Whatever interaction you have with people, treat them as another thing that happens. Don’t keep count and let any previous bad memories pop up. The more you do it, the less weird you feel. Best of luck to anyone working on their social abilities, Ik we in tough times rn, but human interaction is as vital as water.

Omg u just described my life

I feel you it's like quicksand but sometimes the social butterfly appears

That childhood is definitely going to be a challenge to overcome. In order to have interesting things to say in conversation, you need to immerse yourself in culture. That means books, movies, art, television, newspapers, magazines, drama, music, architecture, etc. The more you know about those things, the more you will Be able to contribute to the conversation. You should also try to familiarize yourself with politics and popular culture which are also common topics of conversation.

Me too😭😭

Correct attitude. Good luck.

I became socially awkward after i lost myself and my old identity after my trauma

same :(

​@@theresamccoy123same. It really sucks having to trust again so so hard. Please god help everyone on here with this infliction. 🙏🏻

Thanks for sharing I can definitely relate

Yes just vibrate higher find God b nice

You as a good listener can reciprocate by choosing to “walk away” from the constant talker, leave and get away that will make them stop coming over to you to talk.

I would encourage you to prioritize your relational energy to invest into people who will listen to you, as well. Once you have your close, life-giving relationships established and you're filled up, then listen to those who don't have that capacity...out of your surplus. Otherwise you will burn out and be left empty. It was a big lesson I had to learn and I'm glad I finally did. All the best...

So true, thanks for sharing your experience. I felt alone in this

Those are narcissists

@@soulsinspire yes, conversational narcissists. I work with three of them. The best way to get them to shut up and go away is to start talking about myself lol Works every time.

It really is, then again some people give others a break

Normal is no fun anyway.

Yes bro 😔😔😔

Yup! I totally agree with you. However, I think that everyone has their own perception of normal.. You do you, as long as you're not hurting yourself or anyone else just be yourself.. Happy holidays!! ✌💖😘🥂

It’s not true that everyone has their own definition of normal. The very word “normal” implies wide agreement across some population. Social “norms” are patterns of behavior that are widely regarded as acceptable or conventional. I’m not defending all of those norms, but I am saying that they exist. But this is the way the world is at this moment. You are free to disregard any social norm that you want. But you are not free from the consequences of disregarding social norms. The consequences are imposed by a society that expects most people to adhere to most norms most of the time.

Damn lol

I might send this to my mom

Lol

Lol

Because people are intrinsically social beings.

You don't gotta agree with everything this dude says. I laughed out loud when he said that people avoid others with no filter.

Loneliness exists

There are times when it is good to be social. Like family gatherings or professional events. I personally find it exhausting to be around large groups of people. But at the same time, I feel the need to connect with people. I just don't know how to.

I think social awkwardness comes from anxiety and fear of judgement. Treat the anxiety and stop caring about what others think about you. People are gonna like you or not like you which is true for everyone not just the socially awkward. Self-care and self-love should be your priority. Not how can I change myself for others.

from my own experience, being focused and concentrated really goes a long way. I used to drift off during conversations and lacked the confidence to take part in the talking; I would just listen and when it's time for me to talk I would say what ever comes to mind which usually has nothing to do with the actual conversation and the conversation would usually end there. I think it's really because we think of what to say next rather than actually listen, understand, and then answer relatively to what is said. I think the two points mentioned about a feedback that is relative to the conversation and also empathy are what you're looking to improve.

@@weird3d Exactly.... I feel that way too... I find it difficult to start a conversation with others and even with my parents and as a result I spend most of the time online watching these kind of videos and I feel ashamed of this but I don't know how to improve....

@@hayley1868 there is nothing to be ashamed of. Just get out there and practice; it sounds a bit cheesy but that is the only way to improve. I myself suffered from anxiety a while back, If you have that too work on it first. Meditate, read books, and take care of your body. The good thing is that these kind of things can be improved and bettered... it's gonna take time, but it is worth the work.

@@weird3d Thanks for the support... I am working on the anxiety thing too and I have found that I overthink about every thing but really can't get out of this habit.... But I want to be normal... Guess that will take some time.

@@hayley1868 will definitely take time but 100% worth the effort.

Just don’t stand too close, pop a tic-tac, and keeps it classy ⚡️

You weren't listening!

It depends on the sexes, too-- a girl who is socially awkward is cute & quirky, but a guy? Oh, he's a creep or potential serial killer! Lol...

Use punctuation....

Thank you for Mentioning this...

Haha! Top comment!

Same man all the time

I think there is great value in what people call "release" work.

My parents raised me great but my mom has social anxiety and apparently i inherited it from her

what did you do to fix it? Or are you still the same, genuine question

@@GreedyGreedent Look into the study of epigenetics, we inherit our parent's traits, some of our parents experienced traumas that leave markers on genes, so they get passed on.

@@RobinDivine777 Honestly thats crazy how genetics work like that

You should watch JP Sears :" saying Yes to your weirdness " It's just the opposite to what this guy says... And so freeing! :)

That "we're all like that" response is not encouraging to me. I don't want to be just another sheep bleeting in the herd. It also is ignores the subtleties in each individual situation. To me, "oh, I do that too", is a dismissive response, they don't care, and my problems are insignificant. It's also a symptom of a group thinker conformist. Some people are more socially awkward than others. Wearing a pin would make me feel even more awkward and self conscious.

Love this.

Where can I get one?

@@paulmartin7332 Etsy, cafe press, I think.

You also become unlikable and in many cases undatable

As an autistic person, this describes my entire social history... I came to this video to see if there was anything I'm missing, but no, I'm conscious of all these things, too much so it would seem, creating a weirdness of its own as a result. I can never get all of it right because it's all being done consciously, and it's obvious how hard I'm trying, I guess.

@DJHart I like u

some peoples cast iron brains can stomach anything MSG or no MSG. like school teachers trained to deal with kids. i know someone i used to blurt out insults to, who dealt with them in a very professional manner, it was unusually refreshing and i learnt a lot. i didnt even realise how much i was casually insulting everyone and judging them too critically. teachers are trained to judge what kids do without resorting to insults. he used to say keep your unsolicited death sentences to yourself, but im not sure he would say it that way in school LOL

Consider all the thoughts that go through your head. I mean all of them. Even the extremely inappropriate ones. The ones you’d be embarrassed to admit having. Now consider how you edit those without hesitation. Filtering our thoughts is not something rare or inauthentic or shameful. It’s part of being an adult and having a sense of relevance and appropriateness.

@angellightrose id say depends on who ur "censoring" yourself to. I have close family & friends in which i can be more "uncensored with" because i know theyre comfortable with it & wont think im awakward. The problem can be the ppl that have no filter almost anywhere, or around anyone.

Some complain that they would rather "be authentic". Being authentic is fine for building confidence and staying relaxed, but communication is a two-way street; there has to be some awareness of the other person's needs. Put yourself in their place. Ask yourself how you would feel if someone talks to you in this manner.

Me too!

You're so sweet....your advise is the best advise I have ever had in my life

That's the problem, making yourslef vulnerable and maybe getting hurt or embarrassed and trying to learn from it. That takes some serious dedication and courage, most people won't have that and will never do it.

...unless it all consistently comes out to be shortcomings, and no successes. This is the case for me.

how often can i blink when looking into 1 eye?

@@roverbett3858 Yes

@@roverbett3858 maybe

I stare at people's foreheads.

​@@gottem100 hahhahaha

I absolutely agree. I go to parties and social events where I maybe know a couple of people but an forced to interact with strangers even though it's something I dread. Inevitably you make small talk with so many people until I'm absolutely exhausted mentally. I'm an introvert so after these events I get home and I NEED an hour alone, with no one talking at me JUST to quiet my mind and process it all. I often wish I didn't care what other people think of me and then I just wouldn't go to the events but I don't like being alone all the time so am forced into these interactions for family or work. People say I make them uncomfortable because I'm shy. If I blush, they say "don't blush you're making me feel awkward" 🤷 Yeh. Ok. Tell that to biology...

@@angel_d99 you are unique, you're you. Be YOURSELF.. you're not alone And you're loved

Thats so true..

My daughter says much the same thing.

How rude of them to point out that you make them uncomfortable.i wish those people would appreciate how much of an effort you are making and that you care enough to even do something that obviously makes you step out of your comfort zone like I had my brother point out something similar one time like I understood that I was nervous and talking with that nervous energy but the other person didn't say nothing and I was feeling good until his dumb as made that comment and I became all self conscious .I wonder why do the people in our life not work with helping us out to feel more welcome and accepted instead of distancing themselves cause she's blushing and sweating like pointing it out adds to our insecurity worse than anything else in the world .I too get exhausted after social events I'm a introvert I myself am the strong and silent type I suffered from selective mutism as a child so I never learned to become good at connecting and conversations with people it's hard to connect even with family.May we all reach higher levels of confidence and accept ourselves with love and kindness

This!!!

Your high school friend was a true friend.

Same! My best friend told me off for hanging up the phone w/o saying goodbye after making plans. I didn't think about it - like, "Okay, I'll meet you at the pool at 2:00." Click.

@@sherilynalexnder897 That's funny, my good friend was just like you. He thought saying "bye" was unnecessary and inefficient, but I teased him about it and told him that people find it unsettling and will often perceive it as rude. I'm surprised no one told him that before me. He eventually got into the habit of ending phone call less abruptly.

You had friends in high school? Lucky you!

Absolutely

Very insightful from someone who conquered the issue.

thats interesting, i agree about trying to overcome the shyness, i was always painfully shy (although now im older I realise that its more than that, its anxiety and I am most likely on the spectrum) at 18 i had to work in the busiest pub in our town and started on a saturday night (i was truly terrified) that job was the best thing that ever happened to me....as long as it was busy.

exactly what happened to me. I'm an ambivert. I love people,but I recharge & think more clearly by myself,without people around. I would always wait to clean until I'm the only one home because I would focus better that way and could do it faster that way.

Loved, "self love goes a long way in being comfortable with others"

Don't worry. Weird is the new normal.

@@aspensulphate I saw a dog eat dog poop

@@465marko oh my god I have toooo

That’s fine. You just gotta be able to live with whatever that results in. I’m the same way.

i like Monsters

Also Im about to become a lawyer so this situation ruins my whole life

You’re in a tough situation. Not all forms of lawyering require a lot of social interaction. If you want to overcome this issue around eye contact, I suggest psychotherapy with an emphasis on systematic desensitization. It’s a form of therapy for phobias, and your sensitivity to eye contact resembles a phobia. Good luck.

@@HowCommunicationWorks thank you sir

@@HowCommunicationWorks I notice I feel awkward when I'm explaining something and may not have much knowledge on it and I feel the pressure because they're staring me down and waiting for me.

I look at their nose😂

Hade man

Oh, I know the feeling 😅

I know the feeling too well

Are you in your mind too much?

thats me now

My god your last point is so true

Nah. I'm not interested in talking to people who overstep boundaries or have no awareness of what they're doing.

I resonate with what you said but I don’t think these are “rules” to follow for all interactions, its just a general analysis of what is deemed the most socially acceptable procedure for interactions. Everyone thinks and reacts differently, for example he states you may be seen as awkward if you don’t have a filter, but I don’t care if someone cusses or says something taboo it just depends on their delivery and timing. If its funny or they’re saying something we’re all thinking in our heads anyway, I tend to think the person is more authentic and likeable. People who never cuss aren’t going to get along with me anyway lol. Also I like to connect with people on a deeper level and often find myself feeling a closer connection to those who openly speak about thought provoking and deep topics on the first/second time meeting them. Im more a fan of real conversation as opposed to small talk.

I think the ideal is to master the "rules" to such a degree that you follow them naturally and don't have to consciously think about them. From that position of mastery you can then comfortably deviate from the norm as it pleases you to achieve certain effects, such as to better interact with non-conformists.

@@revb14n Yeah not caring is the only way. The very act of worrying about looking weird will come across through body language and increase the awkward factor. It's not a black and white thing like awkward or not. There's levels and any care whatsoever will impact on your ability to look cool/calm/natural/relaxed. Not to say that you should act like a douche and not care. Act within the norms for the most part but without being paranoid about slightly overstepping them. Being able to push the boundaries slightly can actually make you look confident but if you have any worry in your mind when doing so it'll show in your body language and you'll look awkward.

Bingo!

It depends on one's background. Poor Hispanis are brought up to not have eye contact. Upper middle class are taught to have eye contact. It also depends on your career.

Exactly, thankyou!!

There are culture and sub cultural variations on all of these norms.

I was taught this at the age of 5. Thankfully, I was able to realize later on that this is not a good thing.

Yeah, I just stare at my phone instead of having to make eye contact, works good!

Thank you.

That sounds like a long hard road, but you’ve been successful in the long run. You seem to understand what I’m trying to accomplish and why it’s important.

Good that you did this for your boy. I would phrase it as "people think it's weird." Social interaction didn't come naturally to me, what eventually worked was that I watched a friend who made friends easily and did what he did, applying things that was already good at, like humor, being deeply into things (a geek), etc. That "people should accept him for who he is" as it's usually applied is such crap. Yes, we are who we ARE. How we BEHAVE is another story. Sure, you can behave in ways that are out of the norm if you want to, but then you have to also accept the consequences. Sometimes I choose to use "non-standard" behavior as a way to attract other "weirdos." I am something of an oddball. That's who I AM. I interpret the world in ways that clearly deviates from the majority. But I am an oddball who can choose to act in socially accepted ways or step off the path a little. And I know what to expect in either case. It's a geek approach, I approach it in the same way I do working with computers and electronics: it has rules and techniques and I can study it and learn it inside and out. It makes it fun.

@@Euthymia great point! It is important to have some people in your life with whom you can be your true, uninhibited self. I HAVE always told him that it is fine to like different things, and have odd interests; it was just the social skills that I tried to correct and teach. He is “different” still, but as I predicted, he has been able to find others who share those “different” traits and interests. You’re exactly right that there is room for both, the weird, and the social norm, if he learns to gauge when to behave in what manner.

How wonderful that you had a sense of normalized behavior to help guide him. I went undiagnosed with ADHD well into adulthood and always suffered with a sense of social acceptance within my peer group. Unfortunately, my mother suffered from generalized anxiety and didn't understand healthy friendship dynamics either. It wasn't until I was an adult and got diagnosed properly with ADHD that I began to understand how my behavior was weird.

I think it is only okay to criticize a kid like this if you can give very concrete answers on how to improve the behavior. I was told by my father that my breath stank and that I walked weird. It was true, but I had no idea how to fix it so I just became more self conscious and felt bad. Turns out brushing the teeth better helped nothing because I had tonsil stones.

You’re 36. With 36 likes. I’m 36 and feeling the same about others perceptions.

Yep, same, 36 and yeah I know I'm probably laughing too much; well, if they can't deal with that.. well,.. I can't deal with everyone as well.. acceptance is a necessary skill..

This is the way

So which of the suggestions in the video do you object to?

@@HowCommunicationWorks I reckon most people know all these things. The problem with most socially awkward people is that these social norms are filtered through their minds as demands, making them feel under pressure and feeling like they've failed if they've missed them, causing them more social anxiety, less likely to be able to act out these behaviours and therefore more awkward. I think it all comes down to state management. Remove the anxiety, at the surface or buried deep down and natural social behaviours arise naturally.

Do you mind sharing the med? If not comfortable saying , I understand. I'm older and just niw realizing what my biggest issue is...thanks😊

Glad it was helpful!

Same girl I feel you!

ADHD is a wonderful thing. I been officially diagnosed as an adult but living with it all my life. It makes it difficult to be normal but makes it easy to exceptional! In my humble opinion lol

@@pjackson8322 I love that outlook on it :) I'm undaignosed, got an appt today lol we will see

This is me too

@@carmen3091 ~ Best of luck 🍀 and blessings to you… whatever you find out!

Yes, very true. Sadly you often don't know they're a narcississt on the first meeting, by which time it's too late lol!

My pleasure. You are precisely the sort of person this video was aimed at and who I’m trying to help. Depending on your circumstances, may or may not be easy to learn these skills. But they are skills, and they are learnable. Good luck and come back and let me know how it turns out.

I think you’re right.

@@HowCommunicationWorks Thanks! I totally agree with your vid btw.. Thanks for helping socially awkward people like myself perform better out there. It's just that I'm a firm believer that love crosses all sorts of boundaries.. (I'm so corny) ☺️

To me it doesn't sound quite right. For example people can be in very negative relationships if they find familiarity and some sort of known quantity there that gives them some sense of belonging. These traits in the video are imho mostly things that most people find unfamiliar. It makes the recipient of awkwardness feel unfamiliar about themselves as well which is not a good social bonding feeling. But if the interaction is easygoing and predictable then it feels normal and safe and makes us feel more that way about ourselves too. After all if something feels off our mind wants to avoid it. If it feels familiar and safe we are happy being there. I also think there is a big difference in being a jerk than being awkward. A jerk is someone who lacks of empathy, kindness and politeness but can do it in such way that it is not directed to us. We all know jerks but if they are nice towards us then they are not jerks to us. With awkwardness there really isn't that kind of direction. An awkward person radiates that awkwardness all around them.

​@@erwinlommer197 But what if the conversation is NOT "easygoing and predictable"? What if you find yourself in a situation where there are new, unfamiliar people - seated at a table where you don't know anyone at a wedding, or you're invited to a party with people you don't know, or you're at a new job? You can't always control the situation and you can't always avoid it. Many of us aren't natural conversationalists and don't know how to make small talk, but if we don't interact, we'll be seen as weird. The answer isn't to stay home. And while most people as you say won't have a problem "fitting in", this video addresses issues that are very real for some people. Social cues may be the most natural thing in the world for most - but for some of us they must be learned and practiced.

@@catbirdler I think you make great points. Like you said, there are several things that can make a social interaction awkward or difficult. It is not always about the people or their quirks and oddities. New at a job, being in middle of other peoples' argument or telling your neighbor you have some issue. And not just the circumstances but also what has happened before the social interaction. The cultural differences, feeling the need to go to toilet, time of day, feelings at that current moment etc... Maybe I worded my opinions unclearly. I definitely didn't want to imply that awkwardness is not real or that some people don't have different challenges. What I questioned was Etienne's thought that maybe awkwardness is about having lack of good intentions, lack of care and lack of respect. I think an awkward person can have clearly good intentions, respect and care. But because the behaviour is odd and unfamiliar to us it puts our guard up and makes us want to get out of the situation. Which in turn makes the situation awkward for you and makes you feel awkward about yourself as well. Also don't assume I do not have feelings of awkwardness. Social situations are not easy for me either. Social cues can be difficult and like you say isolating does not solve the problem. Social difficulties can be incredibly damaging to a person's life quality overall and can be result of really bad experiences so I definitely do not want to downplay the issue at all.

That's a beautiful sentiment. I have been very awkward in my life also, and I know what it feels like. That's one of the things that motivates me to try to help.

Very insightful. I’ve met people like that and couldn’t understand why the math wasn’t “mathing”. On one hand the person is sociable but in another hand hard to connect with. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Nothing wrong with being wierd

That's why I hate when people say: "don't be weird", "don't be shy" or even "why don't you talk more?". These commentaries will make you more self-conscious and the other person that told you this does not realise that your shyness or awkwardness comes from the fact that you are too self-conscious. Thus, he is making things worse for you...not better.

Ironically I find these types of extremely extroverted, social people to often have a lack of empathy and the ability to read the room.

You are loved and special and evoryone is unique embrace it, love yourself God loves you for you

That must've felt really horrible. If someone I was close to said that to me I'd have gotten a sudden sick, plunging feeling in my stomach.

Oh, stay away from those, they assume there is a certain standard of behavior that everyone should adhere to, never associate with anyone who is not comfortable with you. As long as you are not harming anyone.

It’s a balance, I think. I’m not suggesting people should live a life of deception and insincerity. Norms are often very flexible. Many different behaviors can fall within a normative expectation. So we can express our individuality by how we respect the norms. Look at the social world. Socially skillful people, and I don’t mean manipulative politicians or snake oil salesmen, but skillful people, they appear authentic. So there isn’t a contradiction between authenticity and adherence to social norms. Both can exist at the same time. Nonconformity has little value in and of itself. It’s just sometimes very creative or admirable people also happen to be nonconformists. All that aside, I’m pointing out my best assessment of cause and effect relationships in communication. Remember the channel is called how communication works. So this video says: these behaviors may lead other to make inferences about your that are not flattering. I don’t make the rules. I just report them.

@@HowCommunicationWorks good explanations for the norms in professional to casual settings. Are dating norms similar? I’m asking specifically about being “quick-witted” and or loquacious, which I’ve seen to be traits used by higher earners. To my experience the gift of gab is best honed in the dating scene but I wanted to ask if you’ve talked about practicing verbosity in professional settings.

Completely agree Nick. I am glad videos like this spell it out so if someone thinks they may be awkward, they have an objective standard to check for tips. That said, a lot of the awkwardness I have experienced comes from the people desperately self censoring and not giving me a chance to accept them as they are and treat them warmly.

Yes exactly. I’m 25 years old and I’m at a point in my life where I don’t give a fuck if people think I’m weird or socially awkward. I have anxiety on top of it. If you don’t like me then don’t talk or be near me lmao. It’s my personality and who I am and I cannot change that. I shouldn’t have to change that to fit into the “normal” society.

@@hannahplane9528 I’m fascinated and perplexed by this refusal to change. Do you think you’re already perfect? What’s wrong with growth and change and maturation and increasing wisdom? Isn’t this the path you want to be on? Why not change to get better outcomes in life? That’s what our intelligence is for, to allow us to adapt to situations in order to thrive. What are you so attached to a personality and identity that leaves you feeling anxious and awkward? I just don’t get it.

Same here. It's years of dealing with crazy, narcissistic, mean bullies in my case.

@@shannoninalaska I totally understand that...I've had my fill of those kinds of people too😬

@@wesleyalan9179 they're everywhere aren't they? Mean people suck. 😄

@@shannoninalaska Sadly yes, and mean people DO suck! Absolutely 💯 %SUCK!

Wesley alan, Maybe YOU aren't the one who's awkward, but those around you have developed different social rules than what you were taught. There seem to be many more people who are on various spectrums and who have other minor issues and different behavioral habits. Also, with the end of Covid-related isolation people seem to be much more aggressive nowadays and in some cases you almost have to fight to be included in a conversation. I'm in my early 60's and I'm finding myself becoming more standoffish and reticent because people just don't seem interesting in sharing the "talking stick"; they want to hold it exclusively.

You are so welcome!

I think both of these points are right on target. Thank you.

My son has autism which pretty profoundly affects his communicating/interactions. He absolutely has no interest in what anyone else likes or does. Unless it affects him. Then he’ll tell you what to do or how to feel. Over 20 yrs of coaching “how to be a friend” has come to naught. I and his dad are his best/only friends (actually it often feels more like puppet) but I am done trying to force him to fake interest in people. He is very loving with a soft heart but he just can’t do the relationship stuff. He’s happier than most people I know as long as our elevator-touring-days happen a couple times a month and as long as there is internet. He lives in an amazing residential home-school with a sprawling campus, lots of fiels trips, horseback riding etc. and is happy to parallel all his mates. Might be as good as it gets.

@@lindamatus4429 I’m sorry to hear this, Linda. I have some personal experience that allows me to relate. It sounds like you’ve give your son the best possible life given his circumstances. But I know you wish he had more. More friends. More ability to connect and socialize. More ability to empathize. Life is not fair. We want to have an open mind about people with autism having no intrinsic limits. But we are fooling ourselves. There is a spectrum of severity, and at higher levels of severity, the communication deficits are very real and not easily overcome. Sometimes not overcome at all. I feel for you and your family.

Pretty sure I'm on the spectrum to some extent, and I feel like a lot of this stuff I gradually picked up on over years of public school. Although I never liked school and I'm glad I'm through with it, I feel like it helped me become socially adept. I'm not perfect at being normal but through a ton of trial and error I think I'm pretty much fine at everything mentioned in the video. As much as it pains me to say it I think the solution for a lot of people struggling with this stuff is to just keep trying, although I'm awful about starting anything new. Seeking out new people is something I'm terrified of. I'm betting that it's much easier to learn these skills at a young age, so it's probably a lot tougher for those still struggling with this as adults.

See I often (lately) wonder if I’m on the spectrum. However I tbh don’t really have a “darn I wish I was normal” or “I gotta learn how to not do this stuff” vibe. By and large people who I can perceivably tell find me weird, I find kind of boring and sometimes shallow. Like tbh my thinking most of the time is, “wtf am I doing all this for, if all you’re doing is the same shallow stuff? What exactly am I jumping through all these hoops for if I don’t know what I’m investing in?” And ive got friends I care deeply for, good relationship etc. so I suppose I’m “high functioning,” if at all autistic. It’s only recently ive realized how little importance I place on social norms. I’ll play it safe in places where I really really have to deal with it all day. But interpersonally, and just personally, I place like 0 importance on social norms, and I really can’t even relate to how or why other people do. I place a lot of importance’s on emotional awareness, and not letting people feel left out or unheard. But general social stuff (“don’t do abc it’s weird or intrusive”) genuinely just seems dumb and shallow to me. It’s never struck me as a fear of being invalidated or fear for safety. But rather a fear of you and your dirty weirdness affecting their social standing with others. I have a few friends that I know positively are on the spectrum, and I love hanging with them. They by far have a more interesting outlook and love for their passions than most people I know. I can normally immediately tell they are a bit “off” socially but that just kind of eggs me to know them more. I just honestly can’t relate to feeling scared by someone’s asocial vibe. I was talking to someone I know with autism who seems relatively socially apt just “quiet,” and maybe analytical. We were talking about social interactions and sort of fixed interest (I have pretty narrow interests in certain things). And she said I might be on the spectrum, and I was like “no way, I don’t not know what to do or not know what people want to hear, I just think it’s kind of a stupid waste of time.” And she said “yeah that’s what I used to say.” And then it dawned on me that maybe I don’t place any importance on something because I could be on the spectrum. Idk. I just kind of laugh at the discomfort these day. You are told all throughout your life to “just be yourself.” “Just do what you love.” And then you do exactly that to nobody’s detriment, and you get put in the weird box. I think hearing about hear skills is valuable, but I think it’s just more valuable to not care about being judged and accept that that will have consequences and find friends other ways, rather than be hyper obsessed with “enough eye contact, don’t do that thing with my hands, say ‘mhmm’, dont talk about anything I find interesting until I’ve talked about the weather ad neauseum for weeks.”

My problem was there was no grace in my entrance or exit. I didnt start with a hello. Introduce myself, check the person is free to chat and I didnt say goodbye properly. after the conversation fell apart i would just sneak off without saying goodbye to anyone. People would come in front of me and explain how SOMEONE ELSE didnt say goodbye & it was really weird and they thought it was because they were angry & now they feel disliked.

I stutter , and I have a serious fluency issue

Saying goodbye and not abruptly leaving is hard for me.😅 It's like one way or the other. I'm the, "have a great day! See you later, call me when you get home! Ooh yeah and I'll remember to do that thing we JUST TALKED ABOUT, here's some cookie, ah Hua, yeah..." Or I'm like, "See yah later" and speed walk away

Totally get it. 😄💯

Yeah, I remember a few times walking up to a group and getting absolutely no cue that I am welcome to join the conversation. Staying there made the awkwardness rise off the scale. Thankfully, this hasn't happened in some time.

The trick is to not wait, I feel like you sometimes just have to interrupt people (obviously not too often) but it's fine to get you into the conversation

Group conversations are harder for me too. I often just go stand with them (people I already know), actually in the group, not right beside them and listen to what they're saying to catch the topic. You can start with some nodding or a "yes" out loud if you agree and then chime in about your own experience. That goes very smoothly in my experience. Of course, you have to match the volume of the others and the mood of the conversation or it will look weird.

​@@kellig9880 this was the story of my life! Plus the fact that I could never relate to anything the group was talking about. When I was in grade school I was the weirdo outcast with a single friend and cried myself to sleep out of loneliness. Simon and Garfinkel's "I Am A Rock" was my anthem! I still remember trying to join a conversation of women in a new community I moved to as a young mother over 30 years ago. They were all raving about lipstick and clothing. Personally I couldn't care less about fashion and makeup and I just could not relate and walked away. I truly felt like a stranger in a strange land. Years later I'm still living in that neighbourhood and not socializing with anyone locally. My friends and real community are scattered elsewhere and I'm at peace with that.

Awesome, thank you!

Thanks for subbing

You are MY FRIEND!

Tried it and I just piss people off😂🤦‍♂️

I embraced my weirdness a long time ago it makes life easier. Lol

I’d really like to find more people who are weird like me. There ARE things that need to be talked about in order to help make the world a better place, and still way too many people who do not want to hear it, and they seem to prefer sweeping the truth under the rugs, rather than clean up the mess. I want something more real, authentic and transparent.

You're awesome for this, congrats

Ich kann Deutsch sprechen, aber nur ein bisschen.

Everyone is weird in their own way tho. People just wear masks. I'd rather people were more open but we do have to adapt

yea it's called autism, and a lot of folks are on this spectrum and trust me, you can bring up a relevant topic for example, but if the group you're with doesn't have the fucking brain cells to put it together to see how its related.. then dump em.... Some people are fucking conservative douchebags that hate people who are on the spectrum that's where it all comes down to.....

I thought the same way, because even if I do it’s brushed to the next subject so i don’t open up to ppl. That stems from me not being close to my parents it was hard for me to talk about things you’ll want your kid to talk about but it gets thrown under the rug

Same. Always feel like I'm being presumptuous in thinking that someone cares what I think about some subject.. so I'm fine with letting someone tell me their life story while I just listen. I've known many people for decades and they know hardly anything about me. Guess that's not really a good thing.

@@davidfitnesstech I have a friend of 20 years who very rarely shares. Sometimes it hurts because it seems she doesn't trust me but I have to remind myself that it is just her personality and it is not personally against me.

This comment is too good especially the part about your epiphany due to the Bible I need to make a change.

Exactly. And it doesn't even need to be at all related to religion, same concept is also straight out of the book Art of Seduction. Most people are way too focused on their own needs, own thoughts, own awkwardness, not truly listening, paying attention to content, or (point 11) extending any empathy. Once you can get out of your head and focus on others, you'll naturally respond in a more pro-social way, and because so few people actually do this, you'll also stand out to the other person in a positive way.

@@evyjay love is not religion. It is just love. Empathy you learned from seduction?

Thanks for sharing!! God bless you, sis 🙏

@@ThreeEleven Uh noooo....it was a popular book due to the fact that social skills and charisma are baffling and unattainable to so many, but much of it is just due to being self-focused instead of other-focused.