Lookup 'emotional maturity' it basically teaches you exactly that. You will also find that many adults have not learned this. Personally, I think it is a sickness of our social world. The reason why almost everyone feels so lost and frustrated. From my own experience into learning to become more emotionally mature at 30+, I feel much more in control of not just myself but my life, too. It was tough to accept some aspects of myself and to find new and better ways to express myself or deal with things. But it is very much worth the effort. I feel much more at peace and even happier now. 😌 Never stop learning about your own mind! Much love and light to whomever reads this. ❤
Why do we avoid n numb our feelings/emotions constantly. It's not just looking at our phones, but also eating. Both r addictions. Boredom is a lack of presence. If we r truly in this moment it's so rich that 2 add food or phone doesn't exist.
I haven't really sat bored since probably 10+ years ago. But it's getting worse. I put away my phone only to pick it straight back up again, checking meaningless things over and over again, jumping between app after app, avoiding all my actual emotions because they terrify me.
It just comes across as a coping mechanism to me. It's easier to stick the phone in your face than it is to experience a moment of awkward silence on a crowded train or room. It's also easier to distract yourself then it is to sit in your own thoughts. I grew up without all of this technology in my face constantly. I spent much of my day just experiencing my own thoughts. It wasn't until I left high school that I noticed the world slowly sinking into the escapism and comfort of the internet. We've never been able to recover from it. I see these young adult who literally grew up in that environment and it's so sad to see how lonely and alienated they all are. They seem to grasp that they're missing something, but lack the awareness to fully understand what it is they're missing.
I don’t like to be glued to my phone too much. And that makes me the weirdo. I remember being in HK train station once. And noticed everyone in my view was on their phone. Except an old man holding a magazine. That scene stunned me. I had a discussion with my partner about it. He said that’s the way it is. I feel like such an outsider for preferring the ‘boring’ present moment without technology.
I remember when I saw for the first time a similar sight 15 years ago while visiting Japan. (At that time smart phones weren’t as common in Finland.) Everyone were glued to their phone screens. I saw one man looking at football from the screen and I was amazed by the technology: he had a remote tv with him. 😂 Nevertheless it was upsetting to me to notice how disconnected and lifeless people seemed. I remember hoping this phenomenon won’t reach Finland. Well… here we are.
The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for people to experience anything that is real. We need to reconsider our relationship with technology and smart phones in particular. We need more "weirdos".
After years of constant podcasts and RU-vid streaming while working eight hours a day, my girlfriend is constantly surprised how difficult I find it to remember things, something we talked about last summer, new people's names, something we did a few years ago. Either in getting senile at 40 or the constant stimulus I've forced upon myself while trying to ignore a job I don't really like takes away opportunity to reflect on things and form memories
same here, I'm 27. I've become completely dozy since covid since I look at my phone more than ever. Had to force my girlfriend to use a shared calendar because she got upset I can't remember the 5 different plans for the week she has.
This is relatable. My partner started to do retrospective at evenings. He asks me things like what can you remember from 3 days ago or this week. And I usually have zero idea what was happening on Monday. like I can't remember even if i am trying really hard.
@@TheStickofWar Be kind to yourself. Before personal computing and smart phones, families would often have a shared calendar where they marked their obligations to communicate to others.
@@chescoigual1843 You dont HAVE to, but you kind of do. Ive tried for years not measure myself by societal standards of success, but this way of thinking is too deeply ingrained in myself. The good thing is - once I accepted that, started working on myself and started measuring up to these standards, my self-esteem got WAY better. Though its still f***king hard to keep up sometimes.
@@Henry-jl1xt totally, I've also been victim of that productivity measurement for most of my life, but the book "Four Thousand Weeks" by Oliver Burkeman slapped me on the face and made me reconsider a lot of my definition of success and a life well lived. I'd recommend watching / reading some of his work!
I find it scary that none of these facts surprised me. I still can't get away from my phone. I think it's especially hard because it's been a big part of my life, but the idea of how many others have the exact same problem is unimaginable.
Agreed, it just goes to show how reliant on your phones. It's amazing how many people pick up their phones during a lull in a social conversation, when they're uncertain of what to say or do.
Deleted all forms of social media except for RU-vid and even though I get 0 Notifications I always pick up my phone with the hope of having that one notification that I want to see
I knew this already but it's good to hear it in words rather than a vague concept at the back of my head. I think I'm escaping dealing with my childhood trauma and the emotional development I still need to do in order to fully mature. Starting at the screen for hours doesn't sooth me though, I feel worse afterwards and have a headache from overstimulation.
Great video. One suggestion about the script: at the end it suggests leaving your phone down to focus on some questions, including "what might I be sad / angry about". This really should have also included the questions "what am I happy / grateful about" as well.
Thank you so much for this video School of Life! Just what I needed right now. So true. It's tough work avoiding the temptation but I must try. The phone has "helped" me to avoid being with myself so many times.
@@grzegorzdziedzic9592 if you have discipline, you can have a dumb smartphone curated with only tools that help you day-to-day without being sucked into the social media vortex resulting in hours lost in doomscrolling. I don’t have that level of discipline but am getting there. I’ve cut my ScreenTime down to like 2-3 hours per day, sometimes less than 2 hours. That’s down from like 4-6 hours per day like 4 years ago. If I got rid of RU-vid and Reddit from my phone, I could probably get it down to 1-2 hours per day max.
Being isolated and alone 99% of the time, the odd message asking if one is free for a video chat is very nice. One can get older but wiser more easily being unattached to things. When one has no family, keeping in loving touch with ones' friends keeps one's _vocabulary_ alive. Otherwise, one merely has acquired a needy Tamagochi Pet. Not a big fan of pets.
I became used to holding my phone and scrolling whatever (news, entertainment, etc) because i tend to overthink and would go down the hole of anxiety. I always over introspect, overplan, over analyze 😅 That's why screentime kind of soothes me
I've never understood people's complete dependence on their phone. I'm always the only person in the waiting room who's reading a book or (gasp!) just waiting. I don't have notifications turned on for anything. Why would I want that??? If I forget my phone when I go out I don't go back to get it unless it's essential that I be in communication with someone. I can barely have a conversation with my kids or husband or anyone in his family who isn't staring at their phone the whole time. I've had moments at his family gatherings and I'm the only one not on the phone (this includes the old folks). I think for them it's quite indicative of their emotional immaturity. They can't handle hearing anything that doesn't make them feel good or that makes them deal with relationships and emotions, so what you say here makes sense. It's just so frustrating.
Ironically, this is why i watch RU-vid on my phone. A way to help distract my mind, while i lay in bed trying to sleep, from the irrational despairing downwards spirals. (brain... i don't have time for another crisis atm... what i need most is sleep, pls)
I quit tobacco last year. I only smoked in my garage so my house didn’t stink. For about 2 months after I quit, I would randomly find myself standing in my garage, wondering what I was doing or why I went in there. It was an automatic behavior that I did, after eating, after cleaning up, while drinking coffee, or before I went to bed. This is part of addiction, the compulsion…..even after the biochemical dependence has faded, the automatic behavior still exists. Its the same thing with the phone. I pick it up without even thinking and start looking at it…..even when I don’t want to, or I’m in the middle of doing something much more important. When I exercise, I put in bluetooth earbuds, put on music, and leave my phone elsewhere. Otherwise, I wind up looking at it, and distracting myself.
I added some questions to make this so frustrating so I stop using my phone --- What am I trying to AVOID right now ? What am I feeling right now ? Where in my body do I feel it ? Is there a better way to connect to people ? What's one small thing I can do right now to improve my day. What should I concentrate on ? What might I be sad about ? What might I be angry about ? What might I need to tell myself ? What am I trying to do with the rest of my life ?
I pick mine up when I want to check if anyone has called or messaged me, or when I want to call or message. Otherwise it generally stays on silent in the pocket of my jacket hanging in the hallway, out of sight out of mind.
It took me a while to realize that the phone it was just another distraction for my mind. It wasn’t easy to brake the cycle and I still notice reaching for it but it was a life changing experience.
I don't have friends i don't have a job i don't have a love partner I'm old enough ..I'm leaving with my parent's what else ....let me see...i never had a love life..am i damaged unlucky misfortuned stupid??? i don't have a clue..iam just trying to live. Thank you for all these examples of healthy people.
I'm sorry to hear that. I see some parallels to my own life, and it's sort of comforting to know that I'm not alone. I tend to follow a postive outlook for my life, like yes, I'm living with my parents, but I'm also grateful that I get along with them pretty well and I try to be as useful to them when it comes to household as I can. Or yes, I've never been in a romantic relationship, but that at least means that I couldn't emotionally screw someone too drastically, and with every year that I learn more about myself, my needs and perfectly normal imperfections, I'll be all the better at being a caring and thoughtful boyfriend once I find someone. But yeah, sometimes it just feels rough. Anyway, thanks for the comment. It helped me a bit through my day. Wish you the best!
As a bullied, hated, unwanted, unemployed,undeveloped, hideous, failed, diseased, isolated,depressed, impoverished, useless, clueless, lifeless, outcast, ethnic minority nobody, I have no good reason to even own a phone never mind pick it up so this video was of no help to me, thank you.
While this video does "hit the nail on the head" so to speak, I retreated inward and asked myself that question. I pick up my phone mainly for three reasons. I need to check the time because I don't wear a watch. Searching for artistic inspiration for my art and design projects. And finally, to see if the only game I play has items ready to collect.
the first channel that led me into self develpment and introspection contents and channels. You don't know how grateful i am for The School Of Life and THE voice. I don't remember how i got to you, but i hope The School Of Life will soon appear for those who need it too ❤❤❤
I am surviving the loss of a 6 year relationship. Music, motivational videos, learning Spanish and watching Netflix are what keep me together. Connecting with my friend who's in another country going through a breakup as well, just to ensure she doesn't feel alone, is what keeps me together. Spending too much time thinking in these situations is not always good.
You should do a video on whether video games or web pages are interactive art. We know games are entertainment and leisure. We know they are design (as are websites). Maybe a Pop Artist would call entertainment artifacts art objects, but do we?
I knew it, I knew it. Yet I keep get distracted from my own feeling, my own thoughts. It's not the first time I get lose on media social. Then what should i do?
Why would you want notifications on? Isn't it better to open YT when you actually feel like it, and see what has been posted since the last time you looked rather than being promoted by a notification?
The School of life has some pretty unique insights about phone usage and whatnot. Some vids here on the topic are quite memorable and absolutely true; I even showcased one to family members once and my folks were astonished by the content, insights, amazing animation and text. That's - those who use their phones in these fashions aka 95% of people out there - a subject I always puzzle myself with the "whys" and "huhs?" but never catch a clear glimpse. Guess were all slaves to it, even those on lesser degrees. Thanks to you all involved in these remarkable videos I can see the bigger picture. And it's quite frightening to say the least, hah
Blaise Pascal, French philosopher, wrote about something quite similar : All the misfortune of men comes from one thing, and that is not knowing how to rest in a room. According to Blaise Pascal, everyone is prey to amusement, which is the desperate search for consolation in the face of the difficulty of being oneself. Entertainment refers to futile human activities. How funny it is to realize that aspect has already been a big topic in the 17th century
Like alcohol, drugs, etc. phone usage works in exactly the same way. To avoid the pain 😢 And the sad reality is businesses make lot of money fighting for our attention. Algorithms designed to keep us scrolling based on how the human brain has been designed 😔 I am really worried about children nowadays. They observe their parents being glued to their phones 😔 They will do the same, end up feeling lonely and unwanted, not enough, unlovable 😔 And as with any form of addiction, most of us are in denial: people say things like: "Oh relax it's just a mobile phone, it's not like a drink excessively or do drugs". We normalized it so much within our culture. Even with alcohol, a couple of drinks per day is viewed as "normal".
It seems that every self dev content is brain washing us to think that tec is bad for us, but just like everything else it is only harmful if we over use it. Thinking, feeling, analizing, day dreaming and even productivity can also be bad for us, if we over do it. We need the balance. And the tendency is to think that the right approach is to eliminate all distractions and fall in the complete opposite... we need silly, light things in our lifes. Also, i think it is less unhealthy to over check our phones then to overthink our lives
i like picking up my phone for the tactile feel. iphone mini Just Feels Good to hold, just the right size. it's a cool gadget and feels premium in a way other stuff i own doesn't. anyone else Just Hold They Phone?
