When Dating To Marry Doesn't End In Marriage: With Isabel Brown and Morgan Zegers 

Wow. As a single man in my early thirties, this was really awesome to listen to. I appreciate the vulnerability and depth. It literally blew me away that women like y’all are still out there. I seriously can’t believe you guys aren’t married! Such quality. Thanks for being real. I’ve never heard the other (female) side, especially from those in the same boat as me. It gets hard going to wedding after wedding, seeing all the church scene girls in their twenties already taken or getting snatched up. I feel like maybe I’ve been too picky, or I’ve just missed her, or I’ve caused some massive delay since I’m not even dating someone, let alone married. It hurts, because I can never get that lost time back. Hopefully God knows what He’s doing, knows me better that I know myself, and had this planned all along (the timing of my dating/marriage). He can redeem it, I just wish He didn’t have to. But that’s what makes a good story and testimony. As long as He gets the glory, eh? The nice thing is, through this time alone I’ve really learned a lot about myself and gotten interested/passionate about things I never would have imagined. I’ve developed a backbone and learned to stand up for my convictions too. Lots of things in life take time. Developing a man, is one of those. Anyways, thanks again!

So glad you did this episode Alex. I’m 29 and I went through a breakup recently with a guy and we were totally on the same page about everything and it still didn’t work out. Being intentional doesn’t always prevent heartbreak. That being said, I think being intentional will often shorten a relationship which will shorten the subsequent heartbreak. I also think it is so important not to have sex with a guy before marriage. If he knows he’s not getting sex out of the relationship than he has less reasons to lie. I’m with you Alex and rooting for you girl!!!

I think a game changer is involving your family. Mom, dad, siblings, grandparents, etc. Especially for us girls. This gives the "intentionality" accountability on both sides. Instead of one on one dates the whole time, family dinners or game nights can be very eye-opening and enriching for the "vetting" process to see how everyone interacts with each other.

I love the authenticity you share here, Alex. I've been married to my husband for 11 years now and I still cringe at the breakups I had before he came along. Yes, they were dating to marry mindsets, and boy, was it awkward and uncomfortable and sad when it didn't work out. This is definitely a topic much needed in conservative and Christian circles.

I loved break up songs before I ever had a boyfriend lol I was like 10 singing my heart out to “like we never loved at all” by Faith Hill 😂 and I still like break up songs after being married even though I’m completely happy in my marriage! I love Abby but I personally love break up songs… as a conservative woman who dated to marry! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Loved this topic and it was great to hear from your personal experiences! Maybe you could do one on purity? That is also something our world, even the church has seemed to stop teaching. Would love to hear your thoughts💛

I cannot thank you enough for this episode. I have felt so crazy beat down and felt very alone in my experiences. I’m so glad to know it isn’t just me.

Primary goal should be to get to God together!

As a conservative man in his 30s, I find the hardest thing for me is finding women who are not only conservative in their values, but also wish to date with intent and want children. When I do find someone who says they want those things, often times I find that while they talk the talk, they often do not walk it. As Morgan mentioned, there are a lot of people who say they'll fight a Civil War but have no idea to the reality. I think the biggest problem in dating today has to do with how society would like us to find that match, by swiping right. Woe to the modern man in his 20s and 30s who's dating life depends on how fast he can move his thumb, and woe to the woman who is constantly bombarded with 100s of matches, of which, only one or none is a match.

My favorite episode so far, which is saying a lot because they've all been amaaaazing 🔥🔥🔥

Soul mates is a horrible Greek falsehood any 2 people that always work on making a relationship work can make it work.

I adore you ladies so much. I have so many thoughts and words of encouragement. I was dating my boyfriend for 7 months before we got married and we didn't have any idea who each of us were but we've been together for 17 years and going strong.

Wow. Great episode. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, hearts, and dreams. I am married to my best friend and G-d has really blessed us; however, we went through so many hardships because we couldn't let go of each other during dating and ignored our differences back then. Young girls should definitely hear more thoughts like this!!!! Also, Alex hit the nail on the head: you'll always be wanting the next good thing unless you start choosing joy (and following G-d) now.

Sooo good! Y’all were on fire! So much truth. 🔥 I so appreciate you doing a podcast on this/your earlier post on her tweet. I was so hurt too by it too and felt it a very post.

I have been married for 15 years. Looking back on dating I feel like I dated to marry. To me that also means saving yourself for marriage. I wish Christians would stop pretending like sex before marriage is Biblical. Purity culture went about the whole thing all wrong, but that doesn't mean the Bible is wrong.

I really enjoyed listening to three perspectives. I shared it with my son, who is intentionally dating and although he was turned off by the politics, I encouraged him to finish watching. He ended up appreciating it and shared it with his girlfriend.

0:32 This is so true. You don’t get attached until you are READY to marry that person. When you date for marriage, there is little attachment because there is no s*xual interaction. Now if the guy doesn’t show up at your wedding, you’ll be heartbroken. But you still will NOT relate to pop music breakup songs. Trust me, Ditch the premarital sexual interaction and it doesn’t feel the same at all!

Let me start by saying... I'm definitely too old for this channel! Lol ... But I like Alex's views and her female POV in general. This channel is important for young conservatives!...... Dating as a conservative is HARD! Coming out of a 9 year relationship and dating again, I've found putting my values out there immediately, is the most efficient way! Maybe not the funnest? Lol.... But, if you're dating to marry and both people say they share that, then drilling down right away to really find out how committed they are in their values, is important! Maybe find ways to keep it fun?🤞But get it out of the way early! Have 3-6 month probation period where you corral your expectations until you can really get to understand that person. A guy can say anything, but after 3-6 months, you will see it.... Thanks Ladies!

Thank you ladies so much for sharing something that was so personal with us... Just know how thankful we are for you all opening up on a subject that is hard to discuss in general, much less to share with a wide audience. 🙏🏼 God bless you!

Thank you so much for this!

It actually makes a lot of sense now that I’m completely over breakup songs because I out of the dating market and married looking back I noticed even before this video that I found breakup song to be detrimental to a healthy mindset. The thing about breakup song is that they promote a mentality of moving on the next and and for sure it has tons of feminism in them that is quickly infiltrating every woman’s mind and they can’t tell because it’s in a form of a pretty fun song. How you truly change culture is with music because what feed your brain even subconsciously is extremely important and the average breakup is toxic.

This is more of what we want serious conversations of what matters in life...more of this and less of "lets talk about socialism".... Spillover has potential to be a huge podcast where people from every perspective listen

22:20 yes chick. marriage is a choice every day to be with that person and to grow alongside them. 14 years

I think the ripping apart of 2 lives that have been combined upon moving in together is why most conservative Christians believe moving in together should wait until marriage, just like sex 🤷🏻‍♀️ I find it so discouraging that young Christian couples think living together before marriage is okay.

This was such a breath of fresh air, thank you ladies!🤍🤍

I’m catching up on all the episodes, and just like the last one I listened to, this one is fantastic. Great conversations! Also: Morgan looks like a mix of Florence Pugh and Shailine Woodley to a T. Stunning. (all of you). ❤️

I think this could have been improved by including a couple of Christian women who are happily married and went through these struggles in dating as well.

This is so good.

Have so much respect for what Isabel was speaking to

Also, and I know it sounds super cliche but, I think there’s a lot to be said about Christian women who focus on Jesus and strengthening that relationship instead of focusing on finding their future spouse and then a lot of times they do end up finding their future spouse. I know, not always, but a lot of happily married women I know weren’t obsessing over finding a spouse and we’re just being obedient to whatever God was calling them to in that season while they were doing that the right person came along.

This was so great!!

I see several comments about how this episode could've been better, but I think this was a great kickstart to a hot topic that Christians and Conservatives feel is absolutely necessary right now. Since this was such a popular topic, I think Alex should either have episodes with different guests giving their insights or, when appropriate, ask her weekly guests some questions to keep the subject in conversation.

The breakup song thing is a real thing. Even with intentional dating. I’m almost 40, and you cannot back out on your values. Pray hard for what you have and what you want. Don’t compromise. Jesus will provide all that you need, including your husband. Date intentionally. I appreciate this show and this episode. Thank you ladies.

After a break up I would avoid anything that would remind me of the guy sounds like torture having to stay in the place you shared with your ex.

I dated my ex intentionally. First date laid it all out on the table exactly what I wanted and he said that was what he wanted. Truth was, he didn’t know what he wanted. He wasted 4 years of my life. It’s silly to say you can’t relate to breakup songs because you dated intentionally… no you got lucky 😊😂

So good!

…. I did not hear this as a chic conversation. I left life up to chance or fate way to much. Alway thought I would have the 2.5 kids and a wife to do life alongside. Hand in hand. Heart to heart. Dealing with the junk of life and having a legacy. I could be an example of how not to live this. Hit the 6-0 mark. That is not six wins and zero losses. Cheers women for being vulnerable here. I have listened or watched this a dozen times. I have watched all three of you grow into this online thing as much as someone on this side of the virtual world can anyway. Peace!

I kind of wish you would have had different types and status women on this. Like a women in her 40’s older and more experienced. A women who is a single mother, a divorced women. You know, there are things I believe could have been added in that maybe aren’t on a 20’s something single successful no kids women’s radar. That maybe having a bigger demographic might have helped expose or have given a broader range of conversation and understanding. Just saying. Loved the talk though.

My husband didn’t say I love you for two years while we were dating that was the reason I broke up with him and he was planing to say it once he was ready to get married he had to clear that up before we got back together because that was a huge red flag for me. Specially when it slipped out for me after like a year. I did tell him that I can’t stand people saying I love you so casually so at the end his idea made sense. A guy saying I love you quickly was a complete turn off because it doesn’t feel believable.

Omg this conversation 🥰 Still love you Abby!

The jew was right. If you were dating for marriage AND HAD REASONABLE STANDARDS FOR HEIGHT LOOKS AND INCOME….you all would be married already.

Minutes 18-22… bless. *facts*

5:17 They aren’t changing their mind. It’s simply that you were never the right woman for them. Men know, immediately, whether he’ll marry you or not. If you’re not married after 1 year, move on! The aim is to establish values and compatibility, then get married. That process does Not take longer than 3-12 months. I met and married my husband in exactly three months at the age of 32. After being celibate for four years. We waited until marriage to have any physical contact. The men you ladies are describing should never be given a second date.

My “I’m nervous” age is 25. I am 25 and only ever had one relationship that wasn’t serious. Pray for me!!

Sociology says it takes 7 months before 2 people stop putting out only their best face in a relationship.

Some people feel that if one party wants a contractual commitment, then they should make a commitment to campaign for courts to be fair when it comes to a contractual split of assets and allimony and kid custody. etc. Because the courts lean towards the woman right now.

Dating period is the problems I e were at in scripture that speaks on dating book chapter in verse.

18:18 How are you calling yourselves Christian women if you are shacking up and having premarital sex???! That’s why the guys won’t commit. You must have standards and not accept poor behavior or lies.

They were dating to marry, but moved in? I’m sorry, but that doesn’t add up. They’re talking about God being the center of the relationship yet not even mentioning his design for marriage and cohabitating.

Go show Alex! My only suggestion is you could have had someone like Candace on the panel. Someone that found her man and recently had a baby, for her perspective.

I just finished watching an interview that Alex did with Elijah Shaffer from Slightly Offensive. I thought I would check out Spillover just for the heck of it, even though I definitely am not the target audience here. I must say this episode stuck out to me, I have been questioning my own relationship life, or lack there of recently. I have chances to date women who don't really line up or agree with how I operate, and I've been told its okay to compromise in life views with my partner... but I really don't think that would be a good idea. Unfortunately these days, the divide is so wide, that to step outside my views too far would be extremely problematic. But I also feel like I'm just never going to find that woman who checks the boxes I need. There's lots in my mind, perhaps I just need to take a minute to pray and focus in on my patience. I'm positive that God will show me the gal for me when the time comes. ANYHOW, epic video! Thanks for the awesome information!

The irony of this whole episode is that Morgan is such an emotional wreck still from Jared that she is absolutely terrified to open herself to another relationship. After living in the cohabitation hookup culture it's hard for her to trust anyone again even if it's just for one date. To be honest, while she is 100% a patriot I can't help but suspect the subconscious reason why she wants to live off grid and in seclusion from the rest of the world is to avoid ever being hurt again. Take her advice here with a pound of salt, as someone she led on and ghosted for 72 hrs I can attest that is traumatized to the max. She's a professional woman not a traditional woman by any means, which is an oxymoron of everything she allegedly promotes on American values and wanting a family. At this rate, her ovaries will be hardened stalagmites before she ever trusts another man again.

39:12 get married on your anniversary

God 🙏 is first than comes the mediator between God 🙏 and man than comes the woman in than comes children's.

43:10 Women didnt rely on parents in the past. They relied on their father for physical and financial protection. Proverbs 31 talks about a women with a huge amount of resources etc.

Greetings. All 3 of you are so sweet and innocent. I have been married for 24 years. Perhaps it is because our cultures are vastly different that I could not relate to a lot of the issues you mentioned. I am also very old fashioned and traditional. 1. I would like to challenge you to find 1 husband in the Bible that did not have a job prior to having a wife. 2. If for privacy issues you kept your ideal husband character, I would understand. If it wasn't for privacy issues, then I feel those need to be made on your list I.e. catching him doing a kind act without thinking you have seen his act of kindness. 3. What are your motives to get married, is it something you want to check off your bucket list or do you genuinely want to share a life together- marriage is HARD. Remove romantic notions and comparisons to your ideas of marriage. I have a lot more to say on this topic but it's too much to type. All the very best blessings for the future.

This actually makes me super frustrated because in my world I have a bunch of really good guy friends who need good women but all the women I know are either married or “trashy”. Pardon my French.

So this video has been elucidating, however I believe you have made one critical error in regards to how men prioritize finding careers over starting families. You say income doesn't matter for starting relationships or families, but it absolutely is a preference for mate selection. And suppose a man is financially successful, but he could have socials issues, is awkward, or has other idiosyncrasies that while they have a desire for LTR/ marriage they are viewed as undesirable.

Nature vs nurture. The nature path is tougher because you have to face yourself. Its good because it pushes off the rumble, dusts you and washes you off.

But… you just know 😭😭😭 that’s how it be.

People need Gunger's knowledge that the best sex is 2 turned on people. Men need to connect to the woman Wich only happens in manogomy and fidelity Wich binds him to the woman and the woman produces oxytocin during sex Wich continues to bind the two together but if she has many partners she produces less and less with each one making the bond weaker with each encounter.

Marry John Doyle! 😄

304's want to 'marry" when its Tom Brady but " its just not working out yet" so yea its still not her fault but gynocracy never fails to avoid accountability

Do any of you gals know what y'all truly is? Maybe just maybe it's u how is ur up bringing it is the sign of this solving problem I e do know ur fathers yes he was there but not mentally that's it that's the problem in y'all's problems you don't know what a real man looks but besides the facts he brings the checks sad very sad it's more than an checks this is a whole lot of work and so many people don't want to work just working on bringing back a check! This generation is doom 😭💔.

you can be self reliant as a waitress.

Analysis paralysis?

Boy you girls need a man's perspective.

56:00 i think you are right. Moving in together before marriage blurs the lines of commitment. If you are willing to live together then you should be considering marriage anyway. The culture has it backwards... like that old saying says "if you get the milk for free why buy the cow" 🤷‍♀️😯🫢