That is the way it is in our house. Everytime we get in the car he litterly goes into a verbal abuse like I’ve never heard before.Since I’m the licensed driver he takes that opportunity to say every ugly and hurtful thing he can think of.I am getting stronger by recognizing what is happening but I feel exhausted by the time we get home.This has been a blessing to me
Wow, I thought I was the only one who experienced this!! When my husband behaves on a pretty normal level with others, it seriously makes me question whether he is play acting with me.
I appreciate all of your advice and insights. What makes my MIL particularly difficult is that NONE of these behaviors is new for her. She is/was a narcissist who left a swath of destruction in her wake. She has always resented me for, in her mind, taking her son away from her; she blamed me when he did not call her, for instance. She tried to poison my children against me. Long before senile dementia, she had a split personality that remembers a Stepford version of herself while everyone ran from Mistress Evil. Her subversive behaviors are intentional and she lies to cover her tracks. There IS a distinction between her unconscious-dementia behaviors and the strategic. The best thing I did was give her supplements for mood and anxiety; they don't change her underlying mental program but they do calm her mania.
This happed to me also when I was taking care of my 41 yr old fiancé with terminal cancer. He seemed perfectly healthy and “with it” whenever company came over and everyone viewed me as being over dramatic when I tried to tell them the reality of his health. It drove me nuts!
My father was diagnosed in December 2014 of cancer and dementia I slept on their couch for 6 months to care for him as my mom couldn’t he passed in May 2015. I moved my mom in with me and she would follow me everywhere including the garage it was like I had a shadow. I thought it was because my father passed and she was worried something would happen to me. It wasn’t, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last year. Her personality is changing now and my once shy quiet mother now loves talking loudly to total strangers everywhere we go. I’m losing my mom daily and my once best friend who I talked with a lot I can no longer talk to because she gets argumentative. I could never put my mom in a home but I’m sick myself, I have a failing digestive system, J tube & G tube from serving in the military. It’s getting harder but I won’t put her in a home ever. I’m grateful I found this thank you
Thank you for this video. I needed to hear this. I'm going through this, and it's having a big affect on my health. I've ended up in the hospital with AFib. I've put off eye surgery to care of him. And now having a lot of problems, hope to get that fixed soon. Trouble is, he refuses to go to the Drs so that he can get a diagnosis. He hasn't worked in two years. No income from him. And now he's having tempertanturms.
I’ve discovered that having a few others around helps keep conversations going. When one on one it’s harder to keep her thoughts occupied and therefore allowing for obsessing or complaining etc. it is exhausting doing all of the distracting. I am astonished just how good her hearing is and how many conversations she can listen in on!! She reminds me of the rich aunt in pride and Prejudice that demands to hear all conversations, lol.
Thank you so much @Dementia careblazers!!!! ❤️ I knew this is what was going on but no one else is able to recognize it because they’re not with her as much.
My 93 year old mother has 2 personalities. She is stubborn, in denial, refuses assistance, wilful , difficult, rude and objectionable. When her grandchildren come to visit however, mother is charming, amusing and reasonably amenable. She has no middle ground whatsoever. Mother has stage 4-5 Alzheimer's and deteriorates weekly.
EXCELLENT video, and one that I really needed to see. So, so true. Having lived with someone for thirty years it is far easier to see a change in behavior and thinking. His children live far away and I have thought were in denial. However he only has sporadic phone calls and short stays with them, so it is possible they do not experience what I do. Thank you for this. I didn’t know it was so common.
Unfortunately, it's another strange but common symptom that can be so confusing to family members. You are definitely not alone. It's hard, but it's important to be confident in what you know to be true and what you observe and not care so much what others think...especially others who don't offer much in the way of direct help. I sometimes joke, but if anyone thinks that the person isn't really that bad, invite them to come stay with you for a week so you can have a break. They'll see your side of things very quickly! :)
I’m a licensed psychologist; just want to add that another reason other people tend to think “..he’s doing fine…” is that during typical social exchanges the loved one is depending on automatic social scripts they have practiced over a lifetime. The loved one can “pass” during light, normal conversations about known topics built upon long term memory. But we all know, if you scratch below the surface a bit, you will find dementia symptoms.
Dr. Natali you have helped me to cope with this careblazer journey in many ways. I thank you for your time and concentration toward the caregiver. It's a comfort to know we are not in this alone. All Careblazers take care of yourself. We are only the best when we are at our best.
Wow. You are talking about my family member 100% This is amazing that we are going through this now and there is a reason for it other than the thought that our family member is punking us :) Thank you very much !!!
Even though I hate ads I still watch all the ads on your videos so that you get the revenue from them because you're doing such a great thing and I want to be able to support you in any way I can your videos has helped me so much when my grandfather was going through his battle with it we lost him about a year ago and I still love to watch your videos thank you so much
OMG! Thank you for this Natali. I’ve recently noticed this with my mum and have been worried that everyone thinks that I’m making her diagnosis up. Your videos have completely changed my caring experience, thank you so much 💕💕
I am the oldest child, 16 years older than my next sibling. My mother was young when I was a child. We grew up together. I never imagined a time I would be without my mother in all her abusive, dysfunctional glory. Although I barely recognize her anymore, I am clinging on for dear life all the same.
I understand what you mean my mum died 4 months ago and my dad's dementia has rapidly declined . Two weeks ago he was wandering about in his night wear he was took to hospital and is still there and I am lost. I feel like I suddenly have no purpose I love dad and want him home even though I thought I was rubbish at caring I know now I wasn't and your comment hit home how much I miss dad
I took care of my best friend, and roommate for the last 6 years of her life, and even though she was diagnosed with Cancer, and not Dementia, she was the same way with me! I thought that she was taking me for granted, but now I understand why she was acting like this. So. thank you!
Loved this video…I’m finally realizing that….Me and hubby have been Married 30 years…second marriage but what a wonderful one it has been…his daughter has been pretty good but his son who lives 4 hours away has a lot to say….I try to ignore and it’s hard….this video did my a lot of good….thanks
As I commented in a previous video, I am new to the world of being a primary caregiver to someone with fronto-temporal dementia. Both my parents suffered from vascular dementia before they passed, but were in a home and both older than 80 years old. Both could hold a conversation well and their only problem was memory. We got very far on their long term memory during visits, which never turned out a major problem, except that I took over responsibility for all decision making. However, with my wife’s diagnosis with fronto-temporal dementia at 57 years of age, and the fact that it manifests itself in her behavior, dealing with the problem is much more difficult. I have never thought about why my wife is different with me around, and experienced it as that she was taunting me. It really tore me down. Thank you clarifying this behavior. It will definitely help in dealing with it.
Wow! Thank You! I thought this was only happening to me and maybe my mom isn’t that advanced. Her doctor even acted like I was the one who was nuts and looked at me and said she was just fine. My brother always said that she was just fine too but he would only visit once a week for a short time or call on the phone occasionally. I went out of town for a weekend recently and he had to help her while I was gone. Needless to say it was a disaster for them while I was gone. When I came home not only had his tune changed but he was ready to put her in a home! 😱
I’m sorry your brother had such a rude awakening, but I hope he will now help as much as he can in your mom’s care, and be a good advocate with others to help them understand too. Big hug to you.
I really need these occasional boosters. Thank you Dr Natali. I've learned not to tell my siblings about mom's worst moments. They don't see anything wrong with repeating it back to her. I'm not only in charge of caregiving, I'm in charge of learning how to do it. They don't need to learn so they don't. I've always loved learning, so this is both a challenge and a pleasure. Keep up the good work!
It is always so reassuring and affirming to hear all the situations one might encounter caring for a loved one with dementia. I am my husbands careblazer, 24/7. He was diagnosed in 2018, and we have yet to be excepted with MediCal & IHSS. I am in the process, drowning in paperwork. But I have often wondered about how my husband interacts with others vs. me. Although, I am happy he has a good time with others, some times I’m just a but jealous, but more important, I felt like he was playing me, like he didn’t have dementia at all. This is the first time I have heard you speak of this subject. Thank you so much Natali!
Thank you! My mother has been very difficult for me, and then wonderful for everyone else. I am overwhelmed and cry a lot. I have been struggling with serious Breast Cancer related health issues, and on top of not feeling well dealing with my moms difficult behavior is rough.
I sure hope your health issues get resolved. I get the same feeling that the people I am taking care of do not respect me, so I was relieved to see that it is a common reaction to being cared for. Hang i there!
Yes, I figured her completely different behavior around others was not a personal reflection on my husband and I. My mother and law does a complete 180 when others are around, doctors mainly. She refuses to tell them or say the things she says she wants to say at her appointments and it makes us look like we are completely crazy, not that she has Parkinsons Dementia! So what I did is I started writing out notes/a letter before our neurology appointments of everything we needed to say but could t in front of her (because then she would deny it or refuse to actually say what she wanted to say). Anyway, we just try to remember she is like our 5th child and we try to have patience with her like our children. Also she is about on the same mentality level has our youngest who is disabled. God bless all of you! Just keep on going, this too shall pass!
Dear Dr. Edmonds, Thank you for your considerable time and effort in producing these video life-lines. I have just started to experience my Mother In-law's early-stage dementia and because I've been a software engineer (which is a very analytical sort of job and I like to solve *big* problems) I am trying to do my bit to help. This particular topic fits exactly the sort of behaviour I've witnessed recently. One of Ida's "issues" is that she says that she is bored and, although untrue, that noone visits her (she has carers pop-in twice a day but she forgets). Personaly it feels like it's a "ploy" to coerce family to keep her company all the time. So, going off your video topic a margin, you don't seem to have anything in your video series related to the use of touch-screen apps which help relieve the boredom in patients when alone (or assisted). So here's my question: "Have you any experience of iPad apps that are practicable and fun/engaging/entertaining for people with dementia ?"
This wouldn't work for my mom. She messes up her smartphone at least twice a day and sometimes I don't even know what she's done and the only solution is to reboot it. When I watch over her shoulder, she's poking and swiping at anything and everything.
@@sheranlanger247 /Jodie. Yeah, highly likely - it's so small. that's why I mentioned iPad/tbalet specifically. Obviously, accessability, would have to be a key design consideration for any dementia-freindly apps.
My mom acts out with my brother's girlfriend and does good with me and I'm her mean caretaker. I'm learning a lot from your video's and from other videos. Today I gave her a shower for second time . I usually give her a sponge bath and my brother's girlfriend gives her a shower twice a month. The first time I gave her a shower she yelled out and tried crap my hands. Today I did it the way I saw in a video and I didn't have any trouble at all
My grandfather has dementia and has turned half of my family against the other half by convincing them he's fine and that we're abusing him, mistreating him and trying to steal his money, even though we have all of the clinical and legal paperwork that proves the opposite. It's been so hard, these last few months and I'm not sure what to do. The last thing I want is for our family to be torn apart.
Do most professionals realize this is going on when sharing concerns w/ them about your loved one ...like this with them? Such as hospice, doctors, visiting nurses, etc. ? Nursing home staff?
This is what the hardest part is The inconsistency My dad has become an anomaly to me . For over a year and a half, we have gone from standing by his bedside and getting ready to call the mortuary, to taking him to target to get glasses. He has been on hospice almost a year and a half. I am single and an only child. I have always been a daddy‘s girl This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever been to in my life and I’m watching other videos realizing how I have been messing up by trying to reason with him and tell him what he does when he’s not in his right mind. Because I think he’s there and I think he’s able to handle it. But he can’t change it, I guess I’m just having a hard time excepting it. My hero is falling …. Who do I go to I’m having to grow up really really fast But taking care of him has been one of the highlights of my life and also one of the scariest times of my life
Thank you Dr. Natali! I have noticed this and was wondering if my husband knew what he was doing. He seems very normal around other people so they don't see that negative side.
My 91 year old mother has stage 4 Alzheimer's. Members of my family who do not see her regularly and visit after months of non- contact, think that there is nothing wrong with her. Mother puts on a good show of answering questions and seems to be behaving normally. They are amazed when I tell them that she is stubborn, forgetful, deluded and in constant denial of her condition. Mother displays two types of behaviour. One to impress her guests and the other to infuriate those who see her every day.
I can relate! My sister recently spent a few days with me and got to see the anxiety, repetitive behavior, and extreme forgetfulness. She was tired of it after three days. some days I take it minute by minute to get through. Sending positive thoughts.
I also can relate. My two out of town sisters are coming soon to give my sister and I a break. I can tell from their comments that they have no idea what they face, as they only speak with my mom for a few minutes over FaceTime maybe once every several months. My mom can act a good game for a few minutes, maybe an hour, so I don’t think they believe us when we tell them what goes on.
I’m dealing with the same thing and feel that people don’t believe me. My younger brothers in particular. It only took them one two day visit to tell me they couldn’t do what I am doing and they give me their full support. Since nobody honors my durable power of attorney I’m having to go the guardian route. I always feel like people who have never dealt with this have no clue. I am so grateful to Natalie and the members of this group. I finally feel the support and I get so much from all of your comments. Thank you
That’s the worst part, eh? You’re doing everything. I hear you. Nobody wants to deal. My husband, he won’t even be in the same room with her except to say hi grandma. I don’t blame him. It’s all on me. If I had any siblings, I’d dump her on the porch and say your turn. And leave, I swear to god. Unfortunately, I’m an only child, and to boot we weren’t even close to begin with. I’m actually sorry I’m a caring “do the right thing person” now. All it’s ever done is bite me in the ass. EVER. EVER.
I thought I have a little variation on this. My dad may be only mouthing to me because he's got to work out something complicated for him to tell me but, as I always tell him, we care & don't mind taking time to work it out. Then my brother walks past & gets a cheery wave & "Hello, how are you?" I thought that's because that's usually all the communication he gets with him so it's relatively easy Then my brother has dismissed dad as "Doesn't know what he's talking about". But I maintain that, OK, Dad may lose his thread but he knows what he wants just it's hard to find the words. I say he has 7 different words for scrambled eggs- words that rhyme, descriptions, word association I saw a tip for Parkinson's low volume which is to put head phones on him that make him speak up. I have some on the back of his chair that have a radio built in so it's nice & quick & I say " Please put these headphones on, like a pilot" & the 1st time his face lit up & he said "It's amazing to be able to communicate again!" But, like so many attempts in dementia care it doesn't always work This video gives me a new perspective, these videos are always so helpful so I'll look at how I can use my approach to help differently, thank you, Dr
My mom fools everyone by being quiet and smiling. She has no complaints. She laughs. But she will never ask a question or say anything because she knows how bad her mind is. Thankfully she’s not mean to me like mentioned in this video. But I am the only one who sees how much she can’t remember and how confused she is. She’s comfortable with me, so she doesn’t have to pretend like she does with everyone else.
This is me, but my father in law has progressed to a stage where his sisters can now see my side of the story. Last few weeks have been hell.....he is having extreme anxiety and panic attacks. The sedatives prescribed by his physician aren't working and he will stay awake all night. He also has Atrial Flutter ( pacemaker fitted ) Type 2 diabetes and Asbestos of the lungs. This is the hardest thing I have ever done.
ADZ Out n about although it’s nice that his sisters can now see your side of the story, it’s sad because it means your father is really declining. I hope they can offer you some support now, even if just emotionally.
Careblazers: dementia care heroes thank you your channel has helped me a lot. Yesterday we had a Geriatrician visit and test my father in law. His previous score 6 months ago was 18/30, but yesterday he amazingly scored 27/30. 5 minutes after the doctor left he had a melt down with a panic attack that lasted 4hrs. They sedative prescribed only makes them worse where it adds a delirium factor. He is always fine around nurses or doctors but is completely different alone with me or my wife. I started video filing his attacks last night so I can show the Geriatrician next time.
My Dad is in the end stages of LBD. We've noticed this behaviour for quite a while now, especially when we were caregiving in our home for him. Thanks for this, it's been helpful. If we could just figure out how to deal with burnout :)
Burnout is a big concern. I do some free classes online about how to deal with caregiver stress/burnout. I will be scheduling some toward the end of October and early November. If you want to be notified when spots open up, you can enter your information here: careblazers.ck.page/d4d30b89f8
Not taking behavior personally is easier said than done. My sister is caring for her spouse with dementia, and he has hit her several times. When our mom calls their home (mom is 94 and functioning very well!) she comments that her son-in-law spoke normally, was 'charming' and pleasant. Then she wonders 'does he really have dementia?' This is hard for my sister and the rest of us to manage, as mom's comment, while not meant to challenge my sister, is unhelpful and not supportive. My sister is in a no-win situation: if she places her husband in Alzheimer's care, she will run out of money and have nothing for her own care. I agree with her feelings of being trapped in a life that is difficult and frankly unpleasant. Her husband is a shadow of the person he was. He often spends several days at a time without speaking to her - even when directly questioned.
My mother's heart specialist (only Dr. she's had for the last 5 years after her family Dr. retired) didn't pick up on her short-term memory loss nor quick weight loss (5'7" normal weight 140 lbs - dropped to 129 in six months) for a YEAR!! She would not allow my step-father nor me (only child) to go into see the Dr. with her. She was either in denial at the time or scared to mention it to her Dr. (Her father had dementia for 12 years; younger brother diagnosed with Alzheimer's shortly before her symptoms became apparent.) The weight loss was likely due to her forgetting to take her thyroid medication causing her TSH to be >100. That alone is a life-threatening situation, especially for someone 85 years old and becoming frail overnight. We could not convince her to see another Dr. All the heart Dr. did was tell her to take her thyroid meds and return for a recheck in a month. Thyroid stabilized after step-father began giving her med to her personally. The memory issue got a lot better, step-father thought she would now remember to take med.; she didn't and, when we finally got her to see a neurologist two weeks ago, she was 110 lbs. Praise God we got her to the neurologist - she did well in the memory function test - could even count backwards from 100 by 7's quickly. Dr. told her she had "minimal short term memory loss." Some days it's a lot worse than others. Blood tests, Cat Scan in progress - placed on Aricept - step-father totally overseeing meds now. The last I heard she gained 3 lbs. I truly think that is due to the thyroid issue, forgetting to eat, and being so fatigued (out of whack thyroid will do that - I know personally) that she'd rather sleep than eat. What is maddening is HOW could her Dr. not be concerned with the weight loss?
My mother is going on 60 years old now. She has struggled since I was very young, now I'm learning that this isn't normal. I have high suspicion that she is dealing with dimentia. Like said in this video, she comes off great in public and is so happy to meet her "friends" I started going out with her, and realized quickly it wasn't what she told me it was. I would end up sitting at the bar with her to be there for her, she would be all happy to our waitress, and then turned to me and started staring at me. She made an uncomfortable scene for everyone in this small town resturaunt because I was "breathing" a certain way. Since I didn't engage with her, this made her very angry. It's hard because she hasn't been diagnosed yet, but I am fairly sure I know what I am dealing with. This is very hard. I will talk with my therapist on April 1st about what I can do. This is also a new therapist so this is a very slow process. Any advice that would help would be awesome, otherwise, just here to share my story.
Would you please discuss the benefits of a dementia support group? My husband was recently diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. The doctor suggested I get involved in a support group. What a disappointment! Some people cried about their struggles, some dominated the discussion, & some were quiet. There was no leadership or effort to introduce anyone or control the discussion. I left feeling worse than when I arrived.
You know, this is one thing I wonder about a lot. She’s honey pie with other people. With me? Hell on wheels. Not always the time, but we all know what it’s like to wait for IT. I get sick at night wondering if today I have to deal with IT. Yesterday, it had thank you I don’t know what I would do without you, to literally 2 hours later, to her bloody mail. Why isn’t it coming? Are you taking it? I’ve fully supported her on my dime for 9 years. I’ve never asked her for anything. It’s every month. But, what I have done, is take a picture of her actually holding her mail, so I can show it to her. Helps for me. But I wait until she calms down. My life is hell. This is what I envisioned doing the things I wanted to do once my kids (and grandkid, who I raised) moved out. Now I’m stuck in my house. Forget even a weekend. But I ABSOLUTELY have learned a lot from this channel. It’s calmer than before, for sure. I think this is the downside of modern Medicine NOBODY wants to talk about. Keeping them WAY past their shelf life. They’re invalids. They don’t even know basic stuff anymore. They’re combative. Etc. All these things. But hey. That medicine for their kidneys can keep them alive longer! For what? I’m not taking anything when it’s my time. And my sacrifice means nothing to me, except my life sucks. I have a shelf life too, and I’d surely like to do something with it while I still have some time left.
My dad did this when visitors came to the house when he was dying of cancer! Then slept for days afterwards. Mom is doing it now with dementia so this video is very helpful.
Dear Dr.Natalie,I'm the one who just got told i have E.O.D. what can i do to help my family now before i get bad? My property and such do i need to sine them over now? I don't want to be a burden to my family or myself.
for me as far as im concerned what my dad says and does to me can be understood i am fine with it,it's others that is difficult to "handle" my dad will say harsh things about me usually because of a dream and get me confused with some one else and that starts all the free advice from people who has bright ideas is what i struggle with
Barry Kelly I DO take it personally as well, and, for the same reason. Her only child, she had no siblings either. All alone here in the hell she creates just for me every single solitary day. 13 years next month. Oh Jesus. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I am sorry for your situation. Thirteen years as caretaker for a dementia makes your analogy to hell accurate. I have only been dealing with an official dementia diagnosis for about 2 years. The disrespect, however, is a much longer nightmare. Out of mercy for her and for me, I hope there is no thirteen years for me. I dont think my mental or physical health will last much longer. Blessings to you.
My mother does not want my help. She does not wish me to help. She wants to take control by having me sit and listen to everything and anything she wants and has other family members, that have jobs or live out of state to help her. They asked me to help and when I tried she banishing me from her. Thank-you for this video. I now feel it is not me. Now she is in assisted living under quarantine. She won't even talk to me. Any suggestions?
It is so frustrating when I talk to my Mom and see her struggle, knowing she needs help, then the doctor and social worker come in to do an assessment and they say she’s “fine” to carry on and make her own decisions, so nothing happens.
It's not being strong, it's surviving a battle > their health vs. yours, including mental health. Stats show caregivers are inclined to auto- immune/ cancer just from the constant stress, zero respite/ relief. I WANT OUT NOW.
HELP! my husband (of 30 years) moved us up near his family, one week later had a major heart attack which he seemed to recover from well. He has his family convinced that i have a mental disorder and that he is trying to get me help. He is angry, he lies and twists things, doesn't understand many things i say, takes them the wrong way... then turns it all around that i am the angry and hateful one, and it must be what he tells his family. No one from his family has reached out to me to hear my side of anything in the past 2 years. I reached out to 3 of them in desperation, to no avail. He physically injured me after a nasty fight. I left him for 2 months last year in hopes that things would calm down. I worked on myself, really starting to think that it might be me, my friend i was staying with said that she did not see all the things he was saying about me. We came back together for 10 months and its just horrible, i had to leave again and his family just thinks i am the trouble maker. He talks his way out of everything, and i guess seems fine in front of his family. My vow i hold sacred, yet i can not take the abuse so i am with MY only living relative trying to pick up MY pieces. I am so broken.
You need to go get help. You are in trouble if he is your only support person. Take your time and get a plan to get out. Call 211 and get the United Way. Call your local women's shelter.
Call the police. File reports - paper trail. Domestic abuse centers. If age appropriate > Office on Aging. Get it documented you are a victim of abuse.
Well I can't believe this ...this happens all the time with me and people think I'm exaggerating how bad she is and I look like a bad person ..I thought maybe she just felt more comfortable around me she puts on a show for everybody else.. she's not able to do it for very long but she tries real hard cuz she doesn't want no one else to know .. but her true colors come out if they spend enough time with her.. then when the sun downing starts it's like someone flipped switch to the bewitching hour.
I'm going through this now with my husband. His sister gets mad at me and say don't wish that on my brother, after I tell of the things he does. She doesn't think anything is wrong and why would I want to wish this on my partner, my love. It hurt me so deeply. Even after reading the assessment from the neurologist too.😒🥺😢
Every time, we go grocery shopping and she ended up talking to customers or employees like a normal person. They don't know she has dementia. I just let her be because she's happy to talk about her personal problems. 🙄 Two weeks ago, she gave me a scare. She was walking with my husband and my dogs. All of sudden, she fell flat and hit hard on her face. My neighborhood called 911. I rushed to the hospital to see her bloody face. She's okay now. She had very little fractured nose and black and blue bruises around her eyes. The doctor believes that her blood sugar is low. She doesn't remember falling. I hope it doesn't happen again. That scare the crap out of me.
I'm sorry to hear about the fall. That is scary! I'm glad she is okay now. I love the way you think about her interactions at the grocery store. A lot of times the thing that bothers us the most when someone with dementia acts fine around others is our concern that others will think we are lying or exaggerating when we try to tell them about the struggle. It's hard, but we can't live in concern of what other people think...that is exhausting and a losing battle. Keep up the good work, Debbi!
@@DementiaCareblazers There is one person asked me after I told her she has dementia. He says that can't be, she doesn't look like she has dementia. I told him that you don't live with us and she may look normal but she's not.
HI T, This is Trisha. Dr. Natali's social media manager. I'm sorry to hear about your situation;. Here is a RU-vid video she made that I hope can help you with your situation. 💖 ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-GmGHojIVyt0.html
My mom has a feeling of high anxiety and nervous ness...that comes over her a few times a day..is it dementia ?..she knows whats going on..but can't explain why..is there any medication you can recommend..shes 92
100% completely opposite from real for me/us.. my husband is my soul only person around me all the time.. I Fesl more able to b myself without ridicuel than around anyone. So I tend to act/behave stronger , smarter, more in control around others, eventually losing my grip as soon as I'm alone with my husband again . Makes him think I AM FAKING
Wow. This does help, I feel better thank you. I looked after my mum with A for a decade, then my dad started showing signs but passed away before it became advanced. In the last few months it has become apparent that my sister is becoming confused and forgetful, she is saying strange things etc. She is 70 and has artery issues. My partner is showing uncharacteristic confusion and memory lapses, this is not conclusive but said person is saying unbelievable things, having recently also looked after both parents who had advanced dementia. Now, there's a conundrum. I wouldn't blame anyone for reading all this with utter disbelief, but this is the situation. Thanks again. One day at a time, we must cope. We will cope.
I think it's called triangulation similar to what narcissists do to their victims. In front of strangers with you they are pleasant, charismatic and 'normal'. On a one to one basis with their 'victim' they can be absolutely vile.
They're surprised I could cite the term. Nurses, as supportive of caregivers as they are, basically advocate for the patient. Plus, single focused on physical not necessarily psychological defenses. It's the actions of a brain dying. They treat the rest of the body.
But, “how” can they act normal for others and then switch to dementia as soon as they arrive home? It makes no sense. If your LO has the disease, how can they turn it on and off?
But what do you do when it's done in front of people who could help and provide support for me - the Carer??? - but the professionals don't believe you, so you're left to deal with it all, on your own. :(
This is sad. Typically any healthcare professional who specializes in dementia is aware of this common presentation and would be willing to provide help. I'd encourage you to look for people/helpers who have good training in dementia and contact your local area agency on aging for specific referrals.
My mum was in a nursing home as she had vascular dementia, People came round from the Quality Care Commission and recommended that she would be better in a residential home, These so called professionals were completely taken in and caused me and my brother added stress. I asked them what to tell her when she kept saying she wanted to visit her mum and dad who had died 40 years ago. Of course, they were unable to reply. I was on my way to visit her on one occasion and saw her walking on the pavement outside the home. She had escaped! I asked her where she was going and she said she was going into town and was going to catch the bus. She had no money on her. It was just fortunate I turned up when I did as no one would have known what to do with her. She had been a manager and still thought she was capable of doing what she wanted. It was a nightmare.
I helped care for my dad for years during his dementia. He and my mom were happily married for over 35 years, but he began to absolutely despise her. He was amiable and content around others, including me, but the minute he got around her, the fireworks went off. She began to think I was siding with my dad and that we were ganging up against her. Why do they come to hate their spouses so?
I know the two men I am taking care of resent that I can deal with issues and problems when they know they are not able to. Add that to financial and just safety issues and caregivers like your mom seem to be bossy, when there is no other choice but to resolve things. If the person who has dementia, and has lost a lot of common sense, can not deal, then someone else must. I love problem-solving, while they are confused and resent that I am able. I think it is even worse for a spouse that they may have made all the serious decisions for most of the relationship. They feel left out and useless. Fear becomes anger.
@bonnie448 Perfectly stated. But the difficulty is making sensible plans for the future ( even as a senior spouse ) and the hate/ paranoia arises. So life becomes shambles ?
Hey there! You didn't miss it at all, I just updated the website with the registration page. You can sign up here: www.careblazers.com/registration-page-063eec0a-ffd2-47e6-9236-2450e2439c1b
My mom calls me the BIG BOSS and not in a nice way. She hates it but I only have her best interest and safety in mind. She also is now in a stage where she is very angry and hateful. She tried to hide it with the hospital staff acting sweet with them when I took her for an emergency mental evaluation. She could not hold back her rage and went off on them to. It’s horrible because she lives in her own reality where me and my husband are the devils incarnate. She told the hospital staff horrible things about us and then told them she was going to sue them all if they didn’t let her go. Nightmare.
I am so sorry @M Jones and @Anna Nieves. My mother began showing signs of dementia a year ago and, out of the blue, went from a sweet, gentle woman to accusing my step-father and me of doing/saying things that weren't true and became paranoid. It was so sudden and frightening. She hadn't taken her thyroid med for no telling how long and, when we finally got her to see her Dr., her TSH was >100. Once that was stabilized she returned to "herself." She's now being treated by a neurologist and in the early stages of dementia but that few months of her turning into a different person was so scary.
SonshineLady I’m really glad that the doctors have gotten your mom’s thyroid situation back on the right track. Wishing the best for all of you. Hang in there!
