When the narcissistic relationship takes a MASSIVE TURN 

It's not even that the relationship takes a turn because of outside events, but rather when you find out things you had no idea about. You thought you were happy for years, but then you find out it was a lie. It's so devastating...

Once there's contempt in a relationship, it's over. It becomes very toxic and you need to get out. A narcissist having a good day, is still an abuser.

Sooner or later, the narc's mask falls off.

I saw it after 27 years that they're like a bottomless pit. How much ever love we give it never fulfill their needs. But it took time to figure out.

Yes, that 180 turnaround certainly does come as a shock and it was as if I were in the presence of a stranger when it happened. Well said.

Everything is fine with narcs until they have no further use for you and/or you do or say something that they deem to be disappointing/weak/imperfect.

This. After busting my former narc spouse for an affair~I asked questions. There were pauses...(he was trying to get his lies in order), & I got slapped w/ the realization that I didn't really know the person I was married to for 24 years.

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

I had a friend who switched when I tried to take a little step back from the friendship. She had been being inappropriately chirpy when I had just lost my brother, and I tried to pull away. She created a massive drama, and I was shocked. I simply hadn't seen it. She is a grandiose narcissist, and looking back, I missed the red flags. I had trusted her because I'd known her since college, so when we started being close friends I just didn't see the warning signs. She turned from kind, funny, and supportive, to a vindictive, jealous, entitled, and scary person.

I was in the same situation as described by Dr. Ramani. I thought I was in a happy marriage with its normal ups and downs. It was shocking to find out that he was leading a dual life. And once I found out, and confronted him, his demeanor changed completely. A normal person would've been apologetic. But he's become bold and arrogant, and openly flaunts his misbehaviours. I feel I was so foolish to have believed in something that didn't even exist. In retrospect it seems like a mirage.

You realize that "the best version of them" was just a tip of the iceberg. 😰

This one is one of the biggest gaslights and confusions because you can only see it in hindsight....and you ruminate it over and over and over trying to make sense of it.

Thank you for this post - that was exactly my situation! I thought we had a wonderful marriage- did so many things together, raised 5 kids, traveled… etc - until one day I found out about his affair. Then, the wheels fell off and I was the worst person ever (in his eyes anyways). Over night! This was THE most confusing, jarring, gut wrenching , and painful experience ever. The hardest thing to get over was that the past 15 years were a lie … how does one reconcile this with the immense love one felt for this person? Thankfully, with time, things get clearer and clearer and healing is possible. It took exactly 3 years - and now in hindsight, it is the best thing that happened - all part of the journey The best advice I can give someone who finds themselves in a situation such as this, is: Don’t run after someone who left you in the cruelest way possible - channel that energy into yourself - you owe it to yourself. ❤

Thank you dr Ramini. This was the piece that was missing for me. I was with him for 50 yrs. After 25 yrs of marriage he started accusing me of infidelity. What changed, I got a promotion and made more money than him. It was a torturous 3 yrs. Then the switch shut off and he went nice again. ( except absolutely no intimacy). Fast forward another 25 yrs it starts all over again only this time he goes back to our childhood. He wanted reparations. I left to clear my head and the mask completely dropped. I’m 65 and now starting my life over. I was devastated to say the least, but any communication I do have with him validates the reasons I left. Again, thank you for the book and this very important piece that didn’t fit until today.

Damn betrayal trauma. Their favorite gift to leave behind. Scorpion and the frog,all day everyday until you figure it out about halfway across the pond. They always have a lifejacket and enjoy watching you drown. Literally,they enjoy your pain. SICK

I knew them for 27 years before the switch came. I felt blindsided. It rocked my trust in everyone I knew. Edit: Now I wonder if it is because he was very attractive when he was younger and now has more a dad bod and is aging. I still found him attractive until he turned into someone i no longer knew and that killed it.

Exactly! Mine was high-level military, with constant admiration from his subordinates. Once he retired, and actually as retirement approached, the mask fell off. Things went from bad to horrible. In the process of divorce.

Yes, it feels like the twilight zone because they weren't the person they pretended to be. Thank you, Dr. Ramani!

This is happening to me. 8 years of marital bliss then suddenly, just last month, I find out my wife, the girl of my dreams, has been having an affair at work with a coworker (who is also married). Absolute shock and the worst heartache I have ever experienced. She lied about it until I showed her the evidence, and then she went on the attack. I applied the DARVO test as I learned from Dr. Ramani's video and she passed with flying colors. Absolutely no remorse or empathy. I was so confused, how could she suddenly become a narcissist? But after watching this video I finally have some sense of what happened. I was her main source of supply, but now can see where I was starting to be devalued, then eventually discarded.

Dr Ramani, God has blessed you to bless millions of us knowing we are not dumb, being caught in a demonic hell. Many of us are getting stronger and healthy with your teaching skills and wisdom. I have homework to do. Prayers Psalm 23 -73🙏🇯🇲🫅🙌🙏💯🌹💗

A narcissist relationship is so complicated and sometimes slow to take full hold on the victim. When you finally see it it is hard to accept and years can go by before radical acceptance takes hold. It can take years more to leave if you can get out at all. Be kind to yourself and believe what you know to be true. Do not fall for the gaslighting, future faking, or breadcrumbs of hope.

I also feel it the other way around. I have been expressing concern and warning my family about the abusive narcissistic family members, only to be shamed and blamed by them, until they finally saw what awful things the narcs are doing. It’s a rough ride and feels like the twilight zone for sure. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

For me it was after I quit drinking, and he wanted me to go yell at our sons about something HE was mad about. I wasn't responding, so he got in my face and said, "Don't make me have to get MAD!" That was the moment all the lights came on, when the pattern was clear. I went stone cold, stared back at him, and said, "Knock yourself out," turned on my heel, and walked away. The divorce wasn't long after that.

My daughter married a narcissist. I began having weird experiences with him early on in their relationship, until, 18 years later, I no longer have a relationship with my daughter who had always been close to me (which was something that her husband did not want). I had to go to a psychiatrist to find out how to deal with this person, and she is the one who educated me about narcissism. She did not, however, help me understand how to not engage with him. Consequently, I spent a lot of time "explaining, defending" myself against "nothing." You never knew what kind of innocent comment or action would set him off. He has succeeded in isolating my daughter from her family and friends he doesn't like. My daughter is "stuck". She has three young boys, and hasn't worked in 18 years, and he has convinced her that she is better off without her family. I've reached out to her many times - offering support, help,, explanations. She has become him, in terms of how she speaks and thinks. I don't know if anything will change for her and me. I am grieving her and heartbroken, and will, likely, never recover from that.

I thought my ex narc was a workaholic but turns out he enjoyed the validation he got from work so much it was the most important thing to him over his family

...add to this that they go on to marry and live their perfect life with the person they had an affair with and you are looked upon as deranged and how lucky he was to get out, and take the kids with him, and even go on to have another child. Meanwhile, you're their personal target practice and no one has any clue.

I found your channel about two weeks ago. What a life changing experience! I was an absolute mess, crippled with anxiety, insecurity and self-doubts. Your videos helped me figure everything out. It all makes sense now. The narcissist in my life had given me the silent treatment for a couple of months and I was absolutely devastated. Now I understand his motive and what is going on in his head. I have no more feelings for him now that I understand I was only food for his ego. Now that I've created a healthy distance, he tries to talk to me again, but I give short one-word answers. I have no interest in what he has to say because it is all lies anyways. It always has been lies but I was too blind to see that. He cannot feed off of me anymore and I wake up with a smile on my face every morning. Finally I can see what I was dealing with all these years. I couldn't talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist in person because I'm on the autism spectrum and have social anxiety, so being able to watch your videos without having to open up to a total stranger was an amazing experience. You are a life saver Dr. Ramani! Thank you for everything you do.

Three years of seeming normal, then all the family’s attentions shifted away from him (newlywed, new dad, tons of supply with that) to the declining patriarch. The word salad rages began and I had no idea what was happening to us or what I did wrong to start it.

I understand where this is coming from. I mean, 10 years, I felt everything was okay, suddenly he dropped the bomb. I mean, we had the usual fights, but then it happens in all relationships. He just destroyed everything and left, calling me names etc.. and yes, i was always a brash and aggressive kind. I have spent two years in therapy.. and my therapist saw it. Everyone I knew saw it, they told me. I ignored it. Two years down, I discover stuff differently.. i didnt know he was addicted to porn, that he was cheating on me. And the stuff he said.. i saw a different person at the end of the relationship. I didnt know him anymore... if i had known this earlier i wouldn't even greet him on the street. like a blinder was removed. It came at a cost.

This was mine. The first 6 months it was fine. A little needy but okay. He also had diagnosed mental health issues and blamed his behavior on them. He also told me point blank he white knuckles it at work and took his anger out at me at home.

This was 100% my experience. I was so confused until I found you, Dr. R, and then I was able to start putting my life back together. Thank you!!!❤❤❤

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

Narcissists loosing supply, praise, authority, and privilege are a different level of hangry

Oh boy, this is so on point. I pray for those still unaware of what they are dealing with. I'm so free now.

In all the narc relationships I've been involved with, there were small steps leading up to the massive turn. It's like leading up to the big reveal....something I could no longer look the other way or pretend it's all okay.

Why is it that when we are in such a situation, we cannot see things clearly? I felt like something was wrong, like my intuition was warning me again, but I didn't know exactly what it was until I left.

Yep. Three pretty damn good years then the wheels fell off within days.

This rings true for me. I was married 30 years to a covert narcissist. There were subtle things all along but after he retired he became absolutely ridiculous. One of my theories was he got enough supply at work that I was spared a lot at home. I may be right about that. Thank you Dr Ramani

This happened to me with my dad. I thought we had the best family. The “American Dream”. My parents bought a new bigger house. They had two kids, one boy, one girl (me). We went on yearly family vacations together. Sports, band, church all the good things a girl could hope for. We weren’t rich but we were happy. After I graduated high school at age 18 I came home early and caught my dad cheating on my mom with her best friend from church. Our families were intertwined. My brother was dating her daughter. As the oldest child I was trying to protect everyone and chose to stay silent, expecting dad to fix it. To stop. He didn’t. He moved out about a year later and that’s when I went off the deep end with rebelling and such, still holding the secret. 🤫 was a good kid and it wasn’t my character to rebel so my mom was more worried about me than her own failing marriage. I don’t remember if dad said not to tell or if it was implied or what. Finally got into counseling and they helped me confront my dad about telling the truth. It was a you need to tell mom or I am going to have to. My relationship with dad has never been the same.

Dear dr. Ramani, it would be fantastic if you talked more about sibling relationships that get tainted/broken by narcissistic parents. Thank you for your content you are a huge blessing

I was in a friendship like that.

I was raised that how much B.S you can take from someone is love. 3 months afrer made it official with said person, I finally snapped and started yelling back at this person. It's like a switch in me flipped. I never acted that way before. Instead of having a family that's safe to go back to I was sealed in this deal of living with this person. My anger continued to grow and became so toxic stayed with this person for over 2 years. Barely a year after we broke up started having weird symptoms turns out I had brain tumors followed by three brain surgeries. 4 years later I'm finally able to see the blessings in my health issues. It's helped me realize what's really important to me and throw out all the rest of the crap. Also I'm having to learn to deal with my anger in positive ways because getting angry and reacting makes the physical pain worse. I took the long road but I'm so glad I'm not putting up with crazy train people anymore.

My experience is a narcissist is incapable of loving anyone but themself. Meaning caring for others and putting them first before their own needs at times will not happen. However narcissist love money and will do anything to be with someone that has what they want. So never let someone your dating know the true extent of your finances, or you could end up with a covert narcissist. If your married to a narcissist they may find someone that is willing to put up with their nonsense if they have some stability and the other person is vulnerable. Worry about you and not who they are playing as they will not change, not going to happen no matter who they are with. They will play the game until they don't have to, that is the truth.

After getting your book things are more clear to me. I was an idiot for believing a person would change after being kind to them.

Listening to IT’S NOT YOU. What a great book!!! This video is sadly SPOT-ON. It takes a million little legs to support the centipede.

My narcissistic partner is my twin sister.It is an abyss. I walked away from the edge 7 and half years ago, thankfully. I can still feel it back there, looming. Getting educated here has been a tremendous help. So, thank you. Peace

This is exactly how my relationship looked and felt. For about 7 years it was “great” for a long time. And then one day it literally blew itself up. It was SHOCKING when I found out he was cheating, blamed me of the infidelity, was hiding money, lying about tax debt. It was suddenly a dumpster fire. The mask came off. Truly terrifying.

This episode is reminding me of Julie Taymore's film on Frida Kahlo, and how after Kahlo caught Rivera with her sister,... she ended up finding solace talking with Diego's first wife, who totally knew Kahlo's pain of infidelity and egoism, without needing to hear all the details.

Bingo! You hit on all the right squares of my long-term relationship with a narcissist. It feels like the person you’re with has everything going for them. They are someone you look to for advice and security. Until one day, they crash and everything falls apart. It’s confusing at first, but then everything starts to add up. Thank you for your abundance of wisdom, Dr. Ramani! 💜🙋🏻‍♀️👏

This happened to me. Her narc side emerged after I became disabled. Her empathy ran out and she no longer valued me and our 23 year marriage.

Oh my goodness! This is exactly what happened to me!! I never understood why all of a sudden he turned into someone unrecognizable, I can't even articulate the toll it took on my mental health. Please talk about this more, I'll bet there are lots more people who don't realize their situation is narcissism because it doesn't fit the usual pattern.

Exactly what happened to me. So traumatizing

OMG! This was powerful and sadly rang so true.

Yeah it's like they're self destructive and can't help but push entitlement to the point where they fall

Oh my gosh! Finally, the nail on the head!

Mine was only the first year. The last 3 years was horrible to go through. But only now I see the friends he had me hang out with the first year, was his flying monkey. Then in therapy I was told that he had all these narcissistic tendencies. His true self came out as soon as he found out he had cancer.

This makes so much sense. I adored my mom she was a saint to everyone and I thought she was strong and I admired her, sure I noticed some things did not add up and I had terrible self esteem issues. I thought my dads issues were him "poor mom". Then Dad got cancer at 60 and my mom behaved like a saint looking after him... The sick twist is I realised she enjoyed the attention she got from it. When he died she turned on me, I had been there the whole time helping her sorting stuff out so she would have a good passive income (farm and houses to rent). Things were strange she sold everything she could of his and sheep that she needed (I still did not click) I was so confused and devastated as I tried to get on with my life and follow my dream job. Eventually I came back thinking I was going to heal and help mom on the farm so maybe I could farm one day. I never knew what it was but could always see that side in her personality. Things were ok for a while I lived with her because it made sense in a big house(8 years) until I fell pregnant. I have never experienced a mother being so cruel telling me straight in front of my now husband she could not farm what makes me think I can. She tried to sell everything farm and all. It was like a cold war at home. I moved into the cottage I built 8 months pregnant on the day of my baby shower and she did not lift a finger to help. We got married 4 months later and she stood at my wedding with dramatic tears playing the loving mother of the bride and I hated her. It has been 3 years and the trauma of realising what she is and how it's always been there and what my poor dad went through with no support. I no longer have a relationship with my sister's and even if they believed me i tried to tell them some stuff they would not care. Poor mom she deserves to travel, she needs boundaries. Shame spending money makes her happy. I have lost family, friends and business I will never forget how she stole what should have been some of the happiest times of my life. Looking after a new baby while being completely devastated. I will move on but never forgive her. Unfortunately I still have to deal with her on a daily basis and she still uses stupid things as control but now I see it.

This just happened and it was shocking to hear the blatant invalidation and classic gaslighting, deceit, blame-shifting. The veil was suddenly lifted, and I saw the narc for who they really are, and some past red flags came to mind. Wow. I told them I felt invalidated and needed to get off the phone to continue working on my project. It felt good to know that I have come far enough to see this invalidation when I needed support, it wasn't there at all, just a mean judgmental name-calling critic. Sucker punch explains it perfectly. Am I so good at denial, minimization and rationalizing that I just didn't register those past flags? Yikes. I ended it right there and cleared the decks of ALL old attachments that were unreciprocated, distressing, and disappointing relationships. Now there is room for kind, loving people to enter who are safe. No more settling. I'll live with my dog and cat for the rest of my life if I have to. No more nasty narcissists!

I had this large shift happen with my husband during COVID. Almost like the intensity of the pandemic triggered some deep fear response and a lot of very scary things started to come out with him. Now going through a divorce and looking back I can see moments of oh wow there were all of these little signs all along the way that I didn't see clearly until now.

Wow. This right here! We seemingly had a great relationship although, especially looking back, there were glimpses of how brutal they could be. We always got through it though and we seemed happy. But, suddenly, everything did a 180 and they turned on me harder than I’ve ever experienced and the discard came quick. Almost a year later and I’m still reeling and trying to make sense of it. Where did it come from; was there someone else; what did/didn’t I do; could I have done more to keep them…? (And now to hear that their narrative is that I was cheating!) How can they be so heartless?!!

This is exactly what happened to me. I only knew how to read all the red flags once the mask slipped for good and a stranger was standing before me. Now all the red flags make sense.

I find myself in this situation and it makes the second guessing and doubting even worse as the situation doesn't fit the pattern the same way... thank you for addressing this important piece.

Wow... Yup this is my relationship. I was finessed

Yep this happened to me. Twelve wonderful years of marriage in which I was VERY happy. My husband was living a double life so he was very happy too because he had BOTH a loving adoring wife at home AND a double life of hookers, drugs, and criminal “business” schemes. He was making lots of money to finance both sides. It eventually fell apart because he was doing so many drugs and sleeping with so many hookers that he was absent too much and eventually I checked his electronics and discovered the truth. Of course later looking back I saw all the red flags and all the signs. But during the marriage while I was living in my ivory tower of denial I was actually very happy for a very long time.

You have just described my 31-year relationship with my ex husband. He began to unravel in the last few years, but it wasn’t fully shown to me until the divorce and the years following. And the attacks, slander, etc that came at me and our 3 children was so unbelievable that I had to seek help and I also found your channel. Lawsuits, surprise DFCS visits, computer gifts to the kids with high tech spying software, attempted home break ins, are some of the things he threw at me. The worst was how he and his new wife treated the children. Then it all fell into place. I thought that something was wrong with me because I didn’t see it. And when I was asked by various councilors what my part in the divorce was I was always at a loss, and it made me wonder if I was the narcissist. After 10 years I am finally getting to the point where I can breathe, but my heart still races when I receive emails from him. Once our youngest finishes college, my requirement to talk to him will be over. Only 3 more years, but I think I will always wear the scars.

Almost saved by your videos. Your are so so true

I think this scenario is way more common. An initial golden period, followed by a normal period, something quite expected in a usual relationship and all of a sudden...boom! Did the mask slip unintentionally? Has a new source of prime fuel suddenly come up? Or is it just that the narc got bored.? It can be as simple as that. I knew a person who was like that. There was no visible devaluation period, no decline, not even a thing like a major dispute. Nothing. And there didn’t have to be another source found, I mean in one case, she was all alone for months, maybe a year and it’s not like things went immediately south with the new guy, there was never one to begin with. And I knew she did that at least twice in relationships that had lasted 2 to 4 years. For those who know more, Needless to say, I’m talking about a potentially unaware vulnerable mid range.

Dr Ramani, you just described a pastor of a church that I knew. He looked like a totally upstanding, moral person who was married over 20 years and was well loved by many. He had the most charm of anyone I’ve ever met. Turns out he was having 3 affairs with members of the church. Talk about going over a cliff. It was like an atom bomb going off. His whole life was destroyed and he’s never recovered. 😮

It took a really long time for the narcissism and the severity of it to reveal itself in my ex-husband. I have Facio Scapulo Humeral Muscular Dystrophy 2. I healed from the disorder in ways no one else ever has. His role as a caregiver gave him supply. As I began to take care of myself, things in the home, that's when he turned completely against me. He started an affair with someone he met through work. She moved in with him and moved her daughter in with him, after he kicked me out, and the divorce wasn't even final yet.

This video is the one that describes my experience most closely. And my reaction to it emotionally was quite powerful. As I delved into this channel and others to understandcmy experience, I learned about "splitting" in the psych sense, and spent more time than I should have trying to diagnose myself, because my reaction was sudden and very painful. Looking back I know I experienced a sudden dramatic shift in someone else's demeanor, completely out of the blue, so it makes sense that my reaction to it would also be dramatic. Thank you for your channel.

I had it happen to me at Christmas when my sister tried to gaslight me and my girlfriend with a malignant lie about me threatening her life when we were kids. I had adored her; I really did. With this rhe penny dropped, and everything fell in place--all the past manipulation, greed, envy, and hate couldn't be denied anymore. I was done. Haven't seen or spoken to her since and never want to. I'm free.

You always make me feel better. Thank you

This was so validating for me! This was my experience. For years now it has been so confusing for me because the typical narcissistic relationship didn’t match up completely with my experience which caused a LOT of self doubt. Was I seeing things correctly? I feel more sure now after this validation. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.

Wow! You just beautifully summed up everything I’m currently feeling and going through. Discovered my husband of 19yrs, who I thought was one of the most kindest, caring, nicest people on earth is a monster. 3yrs ago I learned of his major financial infidelity and since then, he’s become a completely different person. So cold and cruel and passive aggressively punishes and devalues me. It’s such a mind fu@&! Impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t gone through it. Thanks for getting it and helping us to understand all of this craziness!!

Thanks so much for this one, Dr. Ramani. You're describing my marriage! I always say if we had kept living in his hometown, I would have never seen/experienced his malignant covert narcissistic side on its full potential, because there he used to get all that supply you mention, which he indeed needed. It was when we changed country that the nightmare started. No company, less money, no flying monkeys, no enablers, and all his abandonment issues and child miseries triggered while the kids and I were doing well. An authentic Molotov cocktail for a narc! Again, thanks so much for this video. I was living in confusion, because even though the narc traits had always been present, the first 10 years - I can see that now - they were quite subtle. As if he had been keeping the beast hidden, till he no longer couldn't.

This makes so much sense. it’s the last piece of the puzzle in my 35 year relationship with the narc. i always wondered why it took so long for the mask to drop. reality had finally hit him in the face when he was asked to leave his job and then contracted a serious disease.

This is so validating. All the little nuances that you go in to, are so helpful to hear. It's not fun, but at least you can go, yes, that was what I experienced too.

I’m married to a covert narcissist and the first 8 years were great. Then very slowly, very slowly, things started unraveling. It took another 2 years for things to get bad. Then things got really bad. But I didn’t know what was going on. It took me another 3 years of horrible devaluation to finally figure out what he was. It was so insidious. Now I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused and in such a fog. I’ve got him out the house, but I’m so codependent and trauma bonded that I don’t know how to survive. I have no one.

This was my situation.

Since he was not home getting supply at work whe he retired he became a monster.I became the center of focus😢

Excellent topic Dr Ramani. Thank you for your insight 🙏

My husband raged, broke everything, screaming and everything in between. This happened for 10 years, then tappered off the last couple of years.But then he is supportive of me having a masters degree and always tells me I'm beautiful every day. It's confusing, to say the least. But another thing he does always say is if I ever leave, he will off himself.

The narcissist I dealt with has a freaking PhD in psychology. The lovebombing was off the charts. He would get close, then pull away, and deny he ever said 95% of what he said…. Total gaslighting. He pulled away for the 3rd or 4th time and I was done. He killed any feeling I had for him. 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 made it easy to go gray rock for me

Thank you so much for helping me see that I am not at blame for not seeing it. It was there, but he was self employed & getting supply from abusing his employees & I was working in healthcare during a pandemic & battling cancer. We both retired, moved to the country, and now I am his only supply. The blinders are coming off. I am learning & becoming a better version of myself (with your help) thanks

This episode is about exactly my situation. After retirement, his attitude towards me changed . After 34 years of marriage it’s as if I have never really known him . Discovering the affairs was such a shock . Your talks & podcast has been a great help & an eye opener. Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤

Yes, I was overall happy in my marriage for the 1st 10 years, although a few entitled episodes popped up during that time. It was at year 10 that his entitlement became more pronounced. It got worse as more years passed and our children entered adolescence and tried to become independent. I naively thought that once we moved out of the teen years, life would turn more peaceful. But no, he became more antagonistic until life was unbearable and we separated after 22 years. Then all hell broke loose, and I uncovered his years of infidelity and betrayal.

Well, you pretty much explained how I feel. Six years he hasn't touched me other than a very quick kiss on the cheek. It's only in front of his friends/family he starts holding hands and love bombing. I moved into the basement into a guest bedroom a few months ago. I am saving money secretly as I know I have to leave eventually. If I even try and attempt a adult conversation on why he won't physically touch me he has the gift of excuses or turning it around on me. I dunno about all of you but the emotional toll it's taken on me is something I will never forget. It's like a subtle brainwashing of lowering my standards. I am in therapy now as I pray I can break these co-dependent patterns I seem to be trapped in. Thank goodness for these videos as I was starting to think I am such a terrible person. I now realize I don't deserve this, no one deserves this.

It is mind-blowing how accurately this video describes my marriage. A little over a year ago I caught him red-handed engaging in bizarre, malicious, and long-running triangulation. It wasn't until I sought therapy many months later that I was actually able to wrap my head around it, and then began the realization that the "happy" family I thought I had was all smoke in mirrors. I'm still in so much shock. This video was the validation I needed, because even other victims of narcissistic abuse would tell me that if I thought my marriage was good all along then he can't really be a narcissist. But here we are.

Thank you for your support and great video! I remember that I was really shocked as I realized that my Ex had a very dark side. He had regulated everything pretty well and tarned it as charm until the day I found out that many of his patients had written him love letters and he still flirtet with them. He had so much supply the whole time that he could show his way of life as succesful. And his terrible response to my questions was a tantrum with loss of control and aggression against me😢

It's like a demon was unleashed. It's a shock and super scary how bad they can be. I'm grateful that I had the knowledge from you and others like you. I called them out on their blatant invalidation, insults, and gas-lighting. I ended the relationship then and there. Looking back, I saw many subtle signs of non-reciprocation over the two years we were friends. It was a con job to gain my resources all along. I grieved the good parts of our relationship, but I also claimed my growth in discernment, speaking up, and claiming my power to walk away from anyone who isn't good for me.

This happened to me. 10 years best friends until I got chronically ill, and that's when she turned.....in one conversation, it all changed. She minimised, invalidated, and blamed me for being ill and absolutely refused to apologize. We never saw each other again. A year later, she tried to hover me, but I was too wise thanks to you, Dr. Ramani!!! She won't try that again 😂

🩷🎉🩷💪 Forever Grateful for Dr. Ramani & The Team!! 💪🩷🎉🩷

3 years it took her to show me the real her and im still in it

This is exactly what happened to me, it was all so subtle and being a people pleaser and codependent I was willing to overlook everything until something completely unforgiveable happened. Having to leave in the middle of the night with my child was the wakeup call I didn't know I needed. I was literally dying to make this person happy, sacrificing every part of myself for them but it was just using a bucket to fill the ocean. Nothing I did would have mattered. I'm thankful now that I was able to get out of the relationship before being really stuck (married) but even months later I'm still very much in doubt of my own reality and blame myself for everything.

Dr Ramani, Thank You, Kindly. 🙏🏻💛🕊🍃

Been listening to the audiobook BUT sooo excited I got my hardcover delivered today ❤ you're amazing thank you for what you do

This video is the script for my back story with my narcissist spouse. Five years of wedded bliss and then it all went south to stay. As soon as circumstances resulted in lesser supply the narcissism began to dominate. Looking back, I can see bits and pieces beginning to add up to a very ugly emergence. Good luck trying to sleuth this out before it happens!

My story 100%!!! Thank you for this video! I was married to the good guy narcissist!! Took 29 years of my life before his bad behavior came to light!

We sometimes forget that NPD is not just a relationship problem, but a personality disorder. And those disorders exist on a spectrum. So the amount of violence, malfunctioning etc is variable from one narc to the other and from one life situation to the other. They can pretend to be normal for a looooong time. Like chameleons, they hide. Their true nature comes out in conflict situations, and when you have an accident or illness, job loss etc. In German there is a saying: in der Krise zeigt sich der Charakter. Means: only in a personal crisis situation, you get to know the real personality style of someone.

My brother is a Narcissist but he treats his wife so well she thinks he hung the moon. She doesn’t know he’s SA’d people, sabotaged people to get ahead and that he shamelessly triangulates people as soon as he meets them to establish his social dominance. I have a feeling he’ll always be good to her so he’ll always have a reputable ally.