Being a displaced homemaker is a nightmare for both mom and kids. #tradwife #divorce #marriage #family #mormon #mom #sahm #parenting #domesticviolenceawareness #exmormon #home #bible
My father had an affair and got his girlfriend pregnant when I was 12. He divorced my mom ( who had been a homemaker and helped him on the farm) and married his girlfriend (she also had to divorce her husband to marry my father). My mom then had to support us 4 kids with no income. My father complained (to me, then 14 years old) that he had to pay $400 a month for child support. This experience made me determined to never be dependent on a man for me and my children's well being.
@TanyaBoser my parents were divorced prior to my birth. My mom would make me ask for the child support check every month. And basically tell me on a daily basis how poor we were and couldn’t afford anything since about age 5. I have a horrible relationship with money as an adult, I obsess over it. I’m in my mid 30s now and for the first time ever since birth I’m not in the paycheck to paycheck cycle. My mom has only one time casually mentioned that she was sorry for any “anxiety” I had over money. I work full time and my husband works full time and we have our own bank accounts. Like you said I will never be dependent on a man to take care of me.
@daebak_hana I'm pushing 40 and have been miserable for a long time now. And I only got to be stay at home mom for 3 years lol. (My kids are 9 and 6) Back at work now bc gotta pay the bills and start saving up so me and my girls can leave. I was pretty much a trad wife rven with a full time job. I'm TIRED.
After my husband's infidelity, he left to live with his mistress, who was also married. I have a college degree. He stopped paying the mortgage on our home. I got a full-time job with my county, took him to court, and had his check garnished for child support. It's important to educate your girls so they have something to fall back on. Love doesn't equal security.
I agree. Marriage is a contract that both parties should understand. Many women seem to think marriage is lifetime support. Can be lifetime alimony but dividing households doesn't double income. If ya all were just getting by in one household you can both expect much more struggle and a much lower standard of living when divorced. When my wife divorced me she fully expected me to pay alimony. She actually thought men always pay. I explained to her she was working as a teacher and I hadn't worked in 15 years so she would have to pay me alimony. I had retired 3 years into our marriage and hadn't told her. I was a software engineer, had a lot of assets pre-marriage which I used to live on. She was so disinterested in my life she didn't seem to notice I wasn't earning. When she checked she got so pissed of having to pay me alimony she dropped all claims on my assets in exchange for no alimony. The primary reason for me "retiring" was I could see the marriage wasn't good so all I would have been doing was working to increase her future alimony check. So I dropped out and wrote software I liked in exchange for equity which she wasn't interested enough to know about. She was happy enough to live in my house free, have free new cars, free trips and entertainment and spending all of "her" money from being a teacher on crap.
To the women who say "my husband would never" "you should have picked better" "my children's care matters more to me than climbing the career ladder" People change. People change.
Yeah, I picked the nice Christian guy... until after I had our baby I found out everything was a lie. 🤷♀️ when I was searching for a husband I had a whole small booklet that I made up to ask questions about values and beliefs.... I was so young, I never thought that someone could just lie. :(
@@silverkitty2503 Men are not perfect, but it is evil to lure a woman into bringing a child into the world just so you can abandon them both. Said what I said. Don't get married if you aren't ready to be an adult.
@@silverkitty2503 Men “lose interest”? Does it sound like her husband “lost interest”? Did he quit his job because he “lost interest” in her? Does he pay his child support sporadically and late because he “lost interest” in her? Has he conducted a campaign of financial abuse because he “lost interest” in her? You are delusional. You are making excuses for men so you don’t have to acknowledge that this can happen to you.
And made to work in prison while every penny goes to the children plus more payed by the government he has to pay back and if he doesn't within a certain amount of time straight back to jail for stealing from the government.
My father (back in the 50s), left his first wife with two young sons. He changed his SS number and left the state. He never paid a penny in child support to her. My mother met him after her father died. She became wife #4. Had two kids. He cheated. He finally left her for his side piece when I was 9. He was generous-he paid $800 a month. He came back when I was 14 because the side piece got fed up waiting for him to get a divorce. My mother actually took him back. She became a hospice wife. He had a stroke when I was 20. I walked away from that dumpster fire. Now 30 years later, I am married with kids. I met my husband when he was doing his PhD at MIT (I had just graduated top of my class in college, but decided to work for 1-2 years before going back to school). He convinced to wait to go back to school. So I worked and provided a good life for us. We moved for his post doc. There weren’t any good schools in my field, so I gave up on that. Had kids. Moved to Europe back to his country-he said he’d do everything to help me adjust. He did NOTHING. I learned the language. Stayed home with the kids. When he started talking about me “spending his money”, I said I’m going back for my masters degree. I went back to work-a 4 hour a day commute. He even lost his job and wouldn’t even look at a job more with more than a 30 minute commute. I eventually had to go on disability due to burn out and osteoarthritis in my back. I earn a good amount of money in disability, most of which I’m expected to turn over to him. I am not allowed to touch the “joint” bank account. My kids think that I’m useless and are angry that they even have to clean up after themselves. I’ve started seeing a therapist. Even she agrees that I’m trapped in a terrible situation. Even if you worked, you can end up screwed. Yah, I’d choose the bear.
I know several... 😢 All I ever wanted was to take a kid on a picnic at the lake. Make them (and there mom) happy, doing and learning things that might be useful later on. If you know what I mean...
Organizations should be ashamed of this. I encountered shame from my church that I failed as a woman because my husband wanted rid of me. They shunned me because my abusive husband didn't want me. I had no place to go my parents didn't want me. He took my kids from me as well. And told me he has money to fight me so I may as well give up. My kids use to eat on the deck cause they where not allowed to take meat nto the house. They had no sheets on their beds and the baby sitters son abused my daughter. They are grown now but are still harmed by their father who is still playing sick games with them... this was 100% my falt for not valuing myself enough to take care of my future. Beliving in the church . And staying with a man that didn't value me to help me become strong . If they undermine your efforts for self improvements they will destroy you eventually. All the relationships that I have seen that work are the ones where both partners support and plan for the strongest future . Taking into account the what if situations that almost always occur.
If the church mandates that wives should stay at home and not be in the workplace, they should then step up and financially support and house those women when the marriage fails. They should also excommunicate the husbands. I am assuming here that the husband is initiating the divorce or forcing the wife to do so because of abuse.
A teacher told us that if we wanted to be stay at home spouses to first still have A finished education to fall back on and B get employed by our spouse as a homemaker or assistent or whatever, but officially with a contract, so we pay into our retirement fund and social security as well as not having a hole in the cv
My Mormon friends dad was a pastor and cheated on her mom with women in the congregation... The wife was an absolute goddess in managing children and running a house. Very forgiving, loving, attentive to her husband. Scarred me for life.
Religion is the worse indoctrination for women. It’s so harmful the deeper it is. She was probably super faithful and it got her no where and instead of blaming the teachings of her religion she will probably blame the devil and bad actors.
My Dad pulled me aside as a teen girl and told me to always make sure I made enough money to live on my own so no man could ever make me vulnerable. Glad I listened as it came in handy when zi had yo leave a domestic abuse situation.
@@jsnegirevayou missed the point here. Her father told her to make enough to live on her own. That means be able to pay for food rent transportation and health care. If you cannot afford the house you were paying with your partner but make enough money you can go rent a smaller house or little apartment or even a basement and still be able to pay your bills, the point is, you can still keep afloat even if you don't have a partner. If you have enough you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship, you don't have to accept infidelity. You have a choice. If you don't make enough you basically have to choose between staying in the relationship or going live in the streets. That's what her father meant by saying she should have enough. Not enough to keep the sane lifestyle but enough to live.
My mother had a college degree, was a successful teacher for 15yrs before she decided to give it all up to raise us kids at home. My dad left the family after 22yrs of marriage. We lived this life. While my father did pay child support and alimony on time, it total it was half of what he was providing before. So we went from a home with 100% dad's money to 50% of that income and my mother hadn't had a job in 15yrs. She got an overnight job as a baker at a local grocery store, but it was minim wage. So yeah lots of ramen noodles, lots of being dropped off at random friends, family, and neighbors' houses while my mom did odd jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes she slept in her car because she was too exhausted to drive. I had to raise my sister by myself at age 12. Man is not a plan ladies. I love my father, but he was not the best husband. He doesn't have to be abusive, or a dead beat, or even a bad dad, he can just be going through a mid life crisis and there you are, having a crisis of your own.
In my family, my father is the one who always always raised us in such a way that one day we would be financially independent and have a support system. One time, I asked him why he where his standards high when it came to education. He told me almost crying that he'd never want us to be mistreated or lacking in any way, even when he's gone. I'm grateful for that
Your father is a billion times better than most. My Christian patriarch father told me I would be wife & mother. Not have a job or education. I wish I never knew him. He is more of a pimp then father.
@@steffy23456 and HE (your dad) is an example of a man of character and integrity. Your dad is truly an example of what Christ meant when he said to men, “love your wives (family) as I love my Church (followers).” I’ve been blessed to have met a few men who exemplify this, thank you for sharing another.
So relatable! I am 61 and did the trad wife role for 20 years from age 23 to 43. Then my husband had 2 long affairs and left me and our 3 kids. This was after I had spent two decades with his constant travel schedule for work and we relocated for his job every two years all over the country. He then decided that he was going to start his own business and said he had no income for child support. The following years were a nightmare in legal expenses and now I’m 61 and still struggling with miserable part-time low income jobs even though I had a college degree before I got married there is so much age discrimination, I continue to pay literally every day for sacrificing those years for him when I stayed out of the job market. I made sure that all of my kids including my 2 daughters had a college education and a solid work history before they got married and had kids, I told them don’t end up like I did.
My mum was almost in the same problem... Although my father's office took care of her after he died (and cheated before he went bye bye), a lot of women who didn't know our family's situation laughed at my mum behind her back. She was a medical doctor who failed to get a license due to having me and my father's sh*t...
I am so sorry!!! that is truly heart breaking!! Will you ever trust a man again? I feel like two incomes is so much better than one. and you're getting older and have to think about retirement. that's coming up quick! not unless your kids can help you during retirement?
This is the exact reason I’d never be a SAHW/M. I did it early in my marriage and saw how men can be financially abusive early on. When I said I was leaving he took everything he’d paid for even my toothbrush. Thank God, I was only 25, with an education to fall back on. I couldn’t imagine doing this at 45 or even 55.
I'm almost 40 and I would promote it... but a realistic person knows no lifestyle is without pros and cons. So they don't promote any of them as the "perfect" lifestyle because none of them are
@@Naturefan354was gonna say. I’m 45 and would promote it. I have had a successful business I was able to start and sell, but other than that, I’ve mostly been at home. I do part time work from time to time…for stimulation and extra money. Even tho our net worth and income is very high. Would recommend.
My parents divorced when I was 7. My dad only paid $30 in child support (in the 80s) for about 3 months and never paid again. He skipped provinces never to be seen again. We lived in poverty because my mom wasn't fluent in english or french over here in Canada and supported us on welfare. I remember going to bed hungry and scared. Not only that but my mom got so depressed because she couldn't provide for us. She neglected us and let us go to school looking all disheveled and kids used to make fun of us. It was pure misery. My dad remarried, had 5 kids and put all those kids in karate, soccer. He took them on vacation to Disney, etc. Meanwhile my brother and I never got to do extracurricular activities. We never had a vacation as kids. He always dodged us because of the child support meanwhile he's living a great life and we're dirt poor, literally. It's been 40 yrs and my brother and I are successful. We both make 6 figure salaries, have our own family and our father is nonexistent to us.
Why isn’t that outrageously wealthy mormon church supporting these broken families? No mormon should be tithing their church until that situation gets fixed. Start a movement. Stop the tithe.
While I am not Mormon, I gave up my career when my husband and I had our daughter. 19 years later I'm starting over too! My heart goes out to you and the women in our country who find themselves in your situation. ❤ Thank you for sharing your experience. You are a blessing.
@@blacksuite1 My husband demanded the divorce but refused to pay for it because he paid for his last one. I was over the moon excited and proud to pay for my freedom.
@@brooklin_bernek Of course I was grieving the loss of the life I dreamed of having. The truth is I was living a nightmare. Once I accepted my marriage was never what I wanted it was easy to move forward with my life. After my experience, I don't recommend marriage to anyone.
men complain about women and not enough women being traditional or "loyal" (we are way more loyal than them),while not being traditional or loyal men smh,where do they afford the audacity
Lots of western men see asian men mistreat the women so they pick up on it & get traditional asian women (servants) while bitching about demanding western women who talk back 😂 what evolution strategy. So women develop their own strategy of marrying rich old men while hooking up with tall young guys during ovulation 😂 a woman’s body is designed to bear children so it’s the men’s fault for not being trustworthy enough
I’m a 22 year old Orthodox Christian man. I want a wife that is biblical. And I do agree that the man has to be loyal and traditional if he wants a wife like that. I know men that are loyal (virgin) that are dating women that aren’t virgins because they believe in the redemptive nature of Christ in people’s lives. The reason why men are not as loyal as women, is because we have much higher sex drives than women. (If it was the other way around it would be men being more faithful) I’m not saying this is an excuse, as any man (or woman) as Christianity was the first and only religion that puts a man cheating on the same pedestal as a woman cheating even going as far as to say a man that lusts with his eyes is a an adulterer (cheater) and that cheaters won’t enter the kingdom of heaven. It’s a despicable sin. Most Christians today though aren’t really Christian because they are influenced by this secular culture that sees cheating as normal. In the early Church, a person that masturbated could not take communion for a year and was forced to eat only a small amount of bread and water for two years. It’s only after this they could take communion if they followed this. This was for masturbation by the way, not even cheating. It was because the early Church was so strict that people like St. Mary of Egypt who had sex for fun with pilgrims from when she was a child, was able to repent (actual repentance through severe fasting and living in the desert, for over 20 years, barely any clothes, and finally achieved forgiveness and died a saint.
Isn’t that what they’ve been doing for thousands of years already? Blame the women. Complain about the women. Get all petty and resentful and say it’s women’s fault. Assault the women when they themselves feel angry and frustrated. They just can’t seem to take responsibility for their own lust, lack of self control and failures in life.
I had an ex husband who quit his lucrative job on an oil rig to avoid child support commitments. I had been married 12 years and had a 2 year old when he suddenly abandoned is. I had worked prior to my daughter's birth, but had no formal qualifications. I saw a woman who literally walked through Africa and got herself a college degree...i packed up my daughter, moved cities and enrolled in university. We somehow got by, but i ended up with a degree and I was able to provide for my daughter without her deadbeat dad's input... we were lucky and I had some great friends/ family thankfully. Over 20 years later, my daughter has a degree of her own and is successful. She contacted her dad and he pretended to be interested for a little while, but he's disappeared on her again... but she's happy and in a loving relationship with a baby of her own and doing amazing things in the world. I'm sorry you have gone through this with your children. You are strong. I've subscribed to your channel as I want you to succeed. You got this
They may remain still responsible but they would prefer to sleep on the streets rather than put anything towards supporting their much HATED children. And if they think they’re getting even with the spouse, not hurting the kids, but they are SHOWING that they hate their children.
If quitting your job is more attractive than paying child support, it sounds like there are other issues. How high are these child support payments in north america? Or is it being conflated with spousal support? I would expect child support to be half of the cost of raising a child. While expensive, it seems like a wild over reaction to quit your job. I am honestly surprised at how crappy the US system seems to be when it comes to this stuff.
All of his Social Security should go to the kids. Start pulling it early, send it to the kids for support, and let him figure out his situation when he's too old to work under the table anymore and wants to start collecting his SS checks.
I was a trad wife with four kids and then I fell ill. He was not happy at all. A trad wife is supposed to be pretty, not sick. So he became very verbally and psichologically abusive and stopped supporting me economically. One other thing that the tradwife must face is the fact that your support circle usually leaves you too. When your firends are from church and you are now a divorcee, they stop being your friends. So you lose basically everything. Sometimes even family, because they don't agree with "women getting a divorce". I'm so sorry so many women are going through this
They could open up child care centers, they are skilled in taking care of children and child care is needed to lower supply and demand for child care making it less expensive for everyone.
Don’t waste your life over a man. They are not worth it. Life is not to just have a husband or a man in life. There is more to life than just being a wife.
I was raised with my grandmother who was single. She’d run off her abusive husband years before. And my mother went to medical school after divorcing my abusive father. I don’t think I ever wanted a man to be financially dependent on, although I was in that position at times while I got my career going. I’m so glad I focused on that and stayed CF. I hope your furniture flipping takes off and you can get your own house.
@@mayamartin7359lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousins whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director. They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
It’s not even about bad partners. What happens if your wonderful “he would never do that” husband has an accident and he can no longer work? This people doesn’t seem to understand how vital (in today’s economy) is to have 2 independent income streams.
It is sad that as a society we don’t value the work that so many women do for free to keep life running. I think homemakers should get social security, a salary (childcare workers outside the home do, why not inside the home?), etc. to protect them from financial abuse.
And they should get unemployment insurance for a year when they have a baby. Just like somebody else does when they are laid off from their job. That way the new mother is not totally dependent on her husband.
I’m confused. Who would be paying them? Also nothing is stopping a stay at home wife from working. All of my college friends, 10 sets of couples, all have multiple kids and both parents work. I can’t believe that in 2024 people are still comfortable having to life skills out side of home making?!
@@gmfan09having skills is not the same as having a good resume. A general point of living in a community, society and having a government is that your well being isn't completely dependent on who and what your family is.
@@mordecaiissad8529 yeah I’m saying get a good resume. I have two kids and both my wife and I work. Their is absolutely not enough to do around the house all day for either one of us to be a stay at home parent
I’m so sorry that happened to you but also so thankful that someone’s speaking out about this. My high school is in a VERY Mormon area and it’s so engrained in the culture to just find a man, have babies straight out of high school/dropout of college, and have no career whatsoever. So many of my friends are setting themselves up for abusive situations and there’s nothing we can do except try to make them aware so they can stay safe.
I've heard that the Mormon church does not do premarital counseling, and that they actually have the highest divorce rate, in the U.S. of any mainstream religion.
What I've seen a lot is that the provider ends up growing resentful of the stay at home parent, feeling like they are useless, not contributing, not grateful, don't have their own personalities or hobbies, etc., and they also seem very willing to dump the children along with the partner when they decide to move on. I'm not really sure why people like that are out here having multiple children with women they hate, but here we are I guess.
It's because they don't realize that they're making their wives miserable and stressed which in turn affects them in ways that shows up negatively in the relationship. I can imagine, even though I've never been married, from being in a relationship where I chased the guy and poured all my love/ soul into but ended up losing myself due to burning out of empathy. Still recovering. I sent from being considered as the trophy gf to an ugly/ overweight and more depressed than when I went into it. He also decided to slander me b/c he's bitter from me moving on quick & turning my S/a from my ex as cheating to hurt me. The ultimate betrayal from someone i thought would give me the world since he promised, but I should've listened to my gut. Major regret. Don't listen to charmers and a DO NOT GIVE THE "NICE GUY" A CHANCE.
100%. I bet you they're going to work everyday interacting with young women who appear on the outside to have fulfilling lives and have the audacity to compare their wives to these women. Especially if wife married young she had very little time to explore her interests. I see this so often in the corporate world. Less common now due to wfh so not as many targets for them.
You are very strong. My mother preached our entire lives that everyone should be able to support themselves and have their own health insurance and retirement. My sisters and I all did that. When I decided I wanted to divorce as terrible as it was I knew I would be ok financially. Sadly I know so many women that left their husbands only to return because they couldn’t support themselves.
lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find the pursuit of men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. It’s fine if you find a good man.. but meanwhile there’s so much stuff to learn, accomplish, achieve, discover while on this ONLY planet that we know in this limited life on it. For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousin whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director. They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
For those who still want to be a trad wife, listen to why she has been left poor. Nothing was jointly in their names. Nothing was contributed to her retirement accounts. Make sure you are financially protected throughout your marriage. There will be ups and downs in all marriages, be sure you are in the cheaper to keep her category instead of the easy to get rid of category. Requiring you be financially secure, protected and cared for is part of loving you not just sex, homemaking and children.
Agreed. If a couple feel strongly that one being a homemaker is how they want to roll, then the financial security of the homemaker needs to be a part of that discussion.
@@Stormcrow-dc3ez being able to stay home with children, to love and care for them is a beautiful blessing. It is an incredible benefits and value to the children and family overall. I feel sadness for a large generation of people who did not get to experience this. I was part of the transition generation, my mom was home for the first 12 years of my life, I barely saw her from age 12-18 and then I was gone. I was sad, angry and confused plus I was a teenager and all that entails. Though my mother worked, very little changed for me financially, I just didn’t have either parent.
@@kenyonbissett3512 There are some really strong reasons why one parent might stay home, as you say, so long as the couple as a unit considers the long term financial security. I’m envious here - I had to work two jobs as a single parent, though thankfully I had flexible hours in academia.
@@Stormcrow-dc3ez to give my mom credit and understanding (I can now as an adult), she worked full time from the home. She did full time day care in addition to the 4 of us. She sold Avon and on weekends she worked as a waitress at the equivalent of a Bob Evans/Denny’s. My dad worked heavy construction. Both went to night school to complete their HS education and were Valedictorian of their class. No GED at that time. Mom went to college on several scholarships and grants and earned a degree in education. She started teaching. Our state requires a Master’s, so 2-3 nights a week at College, weekend classes and all summer. She got 3 masters and her doctorate. She proved to herself she could do it. She stayed married for 52 yrs til she died. It was not a good marriage by any measure.
You are such a beautiful woman. It goes to show that even the most beautiful, home focused woman can still be cheated on and left as soon as she gets older...even when not looking her age. Dont be completely dependent on a man, ladies.
Thank you for sharing. I'm black but grew up in a predominantly South East Asian community where a majority of women were trad wives. Some were brought over as child brides (16 years old and up), some got married right out of high school, and some were allowed to go to university but got married right after graduation and became a home maker whether the couple had kids or not. The divorce rates are so high so many of these trad wives end up in shelters, on the street, on government assistance, etc. I've also met some who were in their 50s and 60s and they don't have a pension plan etc because they've never worked and so they are either on the streets, or couch surfing. My's best friend's mom was a homemaker her entire marriage until she discovered that her husband was having numerous affairs. She got a job immediately at a local box store as a cashier and saves all the money from that job. She said that if he ever divorces her, she has rainy day funds. Even before that she would funnel away a bit of her money from her weekly budget. All of their kids are grown, and out of the house so she is prepared for anything.
A coworker of mine was a trad wife for over 30 years. One day, her husband came home and wanted a divorce. He had been cheating on her with a much younger woman, whom he married once the divorce papers were signed. She had to move out and start over. Her kids were adults, so it made it a little easier to move on. She decided to go back to school and get a degree, and not let her situation get her down. She currently makes good money and has a really positive attitude. She thanked her ex for what he did because she discovered how strong willed she was and her capabilities. The funny part is that his current wife and her are good friends. His current wife repeatedly states how much she admires my coworker, which pisses off her ex. He wanted her to be nothing without him, but she proved she never needed him.
Interesting! I’m glad she had the resources to move on. I’ve had 7 surgeries in the 6 years since my divorce and had 4 kids that were still very young. My ex is abusive and I have no family. It’s taken me a little while. Most women who have been trad wives are plunged into poverty upon divorce. It’s a sad situation.
I wouldn't of recommended you giving him any credit but I'm glad you are friends with his ex I emagin she probably wishes she hadn't got untangled with him a time's.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, steve_porassss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
I grew up in poverty. My mom divorced my no-good alcoholic dad when I was not yet 2 and my brother was 6. He never paid a dime of child support. She had to start from scratch with credit, bank accounts, a job, etc. If you think being a #tradwife is good for children, think again.
Can't go wrong with learning homemaking skills (young men as well as young women should learn those). But dropping out of college if you don't have a trade is a big "NO" from me. College isn't for everyone, but marriage as a replacement for college is not a plan.
Being a dependent partner places you in a risky position. During my years as a SAHM, my husband had multiple serious health issues and came extremely close to dying. Thankfully, my husband got better and we're still married and I've been back in the workforce for years. But I look back on those years and only now realize how risky my life was in those years.
@@sarahg2653 investments, appreciating assets in both of our names individually, savings, disability, life insurance, etc. Just because you’re terrible at managing money doesn’t mean the rest of us are. Maybe your husband just doesn’t trust you with money. Im basically my husband’s accountant. I make our budget and manage our finances as a homemaker. I have full access to everything and if I wanted to blow it all and buy a yacht one day I easily could. It’s called trust. What’s mine is his and what is his is mine. That’s marriage. Seems like the majority of women in these comments either just had a failed marriage or watch too much true crime or both.
I feel you hun I was 19 when I was married to a 27 year old man 😢it was not worth my sanity and my health.When I failed my medications and was bed ridden he turned his back on me.I’m 22 divorced and have nothing in my name.All I can hope is that if your a young women that came from a toxic family and didn’t know what compassion looks like please don’t be desperate and have a high self worth ❤
I hope your health is improving now. Just wanted to say at 22 you are still young enough to train up and make a career for yourself doing something that interests you. I went to University at 23 myself, and I have worked with students much older (I teach and support students with research in the UK). With more flexible / remote training and working in some professions now you might find it is workable even with health conditions.
@@sonderexpeditions 10000% agree! I started my current career at the age of 32, and even that I consider young! 22 is just starting out! Work work work, and save save save! I love working and earning my own money! I don't even think I'll ever want to retire, even!
💔😞 Thank you for sharing your story. I'm South African and the "trad wife" trend is thriving even in this part of the world - largely due to social media. And because of the unemployment rate, some young women are genuinely hoping to "strike it rich" by way of men (the pipeline usually involves being club "hosts" & Instagram "baddies" who will either catch themselves a man thst way, or leverage their "baddie" status doing unspeakable things in places like Dubai). I genuinely hope that one day you'll have the kind of financial stability that brings peace and restoration. ❤
Great analogy.. A Trad wife is like taking a car ride without putting on your seat belt! Yet the likelihood of you getting a divorce is higher than being in a car accident!
My father always instilled the fear of “never fully rely on anyone to survive, including your spouse.” At the time, it seemed so cynical. Now in my 30s seeing friends going through this woman’s situation, it motivated to always have a healthy chunk of “secret savings” for just in case…😉‼️
If it has to be a secret, then the man is trash to begin with. A man should want you to have your own savings in case something happens. And there's nothing wrong with bringing it up to your husband either
I feel you. I got married at 18 years old to a 26 years old man from another country. I left full-time studying at a University and married him and moved to his country. After one year he throw me away and cheated on me. Now I am 21 years old and already divorced. I feel as I lost my golden years on a man who doesn’t worth it. I started my life from zero at age of 20 and I study part-time at a university and looking for a job to be independent from my parents (I am from Russia so I may write with mistakes, sorry for that)
You have plenty of golden years ahead of you. As awful as it is, at least you got out before you wasted too many years on a pathetic cretin who doesn't deserve to call himself a man.
you didnt lose your golden years! you just started them!! you can be happy you didnt lose more years with that man like many other women who spend 10 or 20'years with the wrong person. you have so much youth still left :)
Your life just started! Be glad you only lost 1 year to learn this lesson. Most people in the comments invested 20+ years. You got this. So much potential. Wish you the best.
You know what I really f*cking appreciate about you? That you have persevered through an absolute sh*t hand dealt and you still acknowledge the boons and privileges that you had, even at your lowest. You acknowledge that for as low as you can go, there is someone who will be knocked lower, and it's not their fault. It's not anything special you did, and it's not anything less special another woman will do, it's circumstance. I respect you for that. And I respect you for the hard work and strife and ingenuity you have had to grind out to climb back up. Just because you had a mercy or two does not mean you never suffered, and it does not mean you didn't have to be strong, and having compassion for other people is part of strength. Your honesty and your lack of arrogance really resonates with me. I cry every time I listen to these stories. This is why there is a feminist movement, this is why generations of women pushed back against conserving patriarchal values. You can be a traditional wife, if you want. Do Not Be Property.
Your comment made me cry. Thank you for taking the time to write your thoughts. Yes, as horrid as my life was, I still had enough privilege within reach to have a home to live. I hear from women who suffer so much, and they have no resources for recovery.
You are the biggest inspiration for me when I was given the option to be a housewife to a poor man versus being completely on my own. I chose the second choice and everyday your videos inspire me to work harder and be independent. ❤ You are an inspiration to this 30 something woman who didn't want to be controlled by men despite all the efforts my narcissistic family put in to brainwash me into a house slave for life. Thank you so much for your wisdom and humility and being an example for me.❤
@@jessicatsao92 Jessica, wow! We need to show up for other women and help where we can. Hey could u talk? I’m doing a huge article and would love to include u. I can share details
@lifetaketwo7662 I might have to retire for the day. I currently am in college as a physics major, which means I have no social life. 😅 Our homework can take up to 12 hours total per homework to finish. One of my classmates even griped that he isn't doing enough despite using over 70 hours a week for physics homework alone (he is a multiple major like me, though a lot younger at 22). I could talk on Sunday, maybe in the afternoon, though. But, yeah, my schedule and work is quite stacked up. 😮💨
lol 😂😂😂😂. Myself I find the pursuit of men NONE-REWARDING BEHAVIOR 😂. It’s fine if you find a good man.. but meanwhile there’s so much stuff to learn, accomplish, achieve, discover while on this ONLY planet that we know in this limited life on it. For all the videos I see women trying to coach other women how to ensnare or snag a man who can give you “soft wife life” I just roll my eye. NONE of the women that came before me had “soft lives”. My grandmother’s husband (my grandfather) died when my dad was 12. She was suddenly a widow with 8 kids. My aunts, cousins etc all of them including my mother were all mentored to be STRONG women who could sustain themselves. I have cousin whose husbands left them financially secure but they still maintains their job one as a teacher other as a director. They taught us that as a woman you best have a safety net.
@@neonred7594 I live on the East Coast, born in the 60s. My mother was born in the 1920s…honestly I can’t think of a single person who thought a man was a plan in my generation. Everyone went to college and earned a degree. Sure some became stay at home moms. But they all could return to teaching, nursing, pharmacology if they had to. It baffles me that some still don’t believe in education for all still. I can’t think of a single woman in my class who thought they could just rely on a man. I’m 55.
Same here. I'm 60 and I was raised to be independent, though for a short while I thought a man could be a plan (ironically, that plan would take me to France 😂) but that didn't work out after a few short months and then I noped out. I have been working ever since and never found a man to be my plan. Am a happy single childless catlady now.
I appreciate your honesty, perseverance and intellect. You've transmuted your suffering into sage wisdom, and built a better life for you, and your children. Incredible. Thank you for attempting to prevent suffering for future generations of girls and women. What you and other women with your mindset are doing is truly "god's work" (not that organized religious bullshit) 🙏🏿
Even when your husband is a prince among men and would never do anything like that , as my own father was, he still got pancreatic cancer relatively young and had huge medical expenses and if my mother had a well paid job we would not been able to withstand to horrendous medical expenses and became homeless. And there are car accidents, and the end result is about the same.
I think it's also important to know that Trad Wife influencers have an untraditional job. They are earning money by advertising a fabricated lifestyle that only the very wealthy can indulge in. They make commercials styled to resemble vlogs and have hired help to do the more labor-intensive chores. If you want to vlog a pretend life, you may very well make some money, but it's a very risky move to make if you aren’t already financially secure. If you want to be a stay-at-home wife/mother, that’s fantastic. But make sure you’re also employable and financially independent so that _if_ anything happens, you (and your kids) will be okay. Being a Trad Wife influencer is unlikely to make you a living salary (and if it eventually does, that won't be for a while), and being a Trad Wife alone will not guarantee you (or your family) the security you need or the affluent lifestyle you desire. And let's be clear, it *is* an _affluent_ lifestyle.
Thanks the internet that open up people’s minds. Churches are particularly tribal & demand questioned loyalty so it’s thanks to the internet for counter argument
I will never understand the thought process of being 100% dependent on a man for the necessities of life (food, clothing, shelter) while having 0% control over his future wants, feelings or actions.
It may sound harsh but I know couple of women who are lazy and they tolerate mistreatment from their husbands just because they don't want to go to work
As a current trad wife of 21 years, who is also became a young trad wife as a Christian; I just turned 40 years old. Please listen to this lady. You will never win being a trad wife who is not educated of have money for yourself.
@@adrianaloborec2205women are still suffering and they all ways will. look at the rates of mental illness. that is the nature of life and especially women.
People don't really change (they do but...). People LIE and it amazes me how humans forget that. Dudes be out here living two lives & feel 0 guilt about it 🙄
And men are encouraged to disrespect and hate women, so the abuse is just the obvious next step. They feel entitled to be abusive - and totally justified.
My half-sister's stepfather had a whole second family for 20 years and it took his wife that long to figure it out. He blamed her for taking so long to notice. That was more than a decade ago and I'm still not sure how he thought that was the correct response.
Except when you realize that it helps promote women at the expense of men, even those men that have to support a family. What whatever, I just enjoy the decline
I’m so glad OG ex trad wives are speaking on this and I am so grateful that I get to listen and learn from you. Looking at my family, I am highly motivated to be and remain 4B and CF. My peace of mind is worth more than being married and having kids, just modern normalised slavery for women since the beginning of time while men do nothing in the house.
Extreme overreaction. You can have a healthy marriage without going overboard one way or the other. There are also countless older woman who stayed single and regret it.
@sonderexpeditions I threatened my husband of almost 15 yrs with divorce cause he s been psychologically habusive for years. He said I can leave the house but I will have like 300 dollars of child support, as a stay at home mom so how about that. I told him I would gladly leave the house but I will find a job and be paying him 300 bucks and he ll be a single dad, so how about that. Crickets...
I remember in my 20’s all the advice I got from those twice my age. At the time it was annoying and I remember just wishing people would stop trying to give me advice. Now that I’m 42 I think back on it and had I listened to that advice my life would be so so much better. If only there was a way to show younger people the future so that they listen to the advice. If you’re in your 20’s reading this….listen, I get how frustrating it is and how you think you can handle yourself, and you probably can, but remember the advice you’re getting is from someone who was once in your place. Experienced advice is so valuable so think twice before you ignore it ❤
This is such valuable advice. I remember in my 20s also disregarding the advice that was given to me by older women. Boy did I regret that when my relationship broke down at 30. I’m in a good position now but will NEVER make that mistake again .. and wish younger women would listen to those with experience.
You are so incredibly strong. I don't think I can fathom it, really. It must have been so hard and scary. Thank you for posting this I hope more people see it.
Thank you for your transparency. You should be really proud of yourself! I hope things continue to improve for you and your children. ❤️ I became a "trad wife" at age 21, and when I was 40, my husband died. I had to go back to college and completely start my life over. Thankfully, I did get remarried, but if I find myself alone again, I have an education and work experience to rely on. Thank you for stressing that a man is not a plan!
The main reason I follow you is because you have the courage to show how incredibly hard it was for you. I think a lot of women feel shame this happened to them ( because Halas your story is not unique). But you have the courage to tell about your own trad wife life and the hardships of both that life and what happened when you lost everything. And you are unapologetic about it. Your story is out there as a cautionary tale. And it is necessary! Please remain unapologetic! Love from EU
@@andreavantzet1962 thanks for this sweet comment. I spent a long time trying to warn other women, realized my own story was where the power was. I had to give up privacy to make a difference in the world.
@@damianperez7736 Because conscription is wrong for both sexes - that's why most democratic countries don't use it anymore. My country dropped it by referendum and women also voted for it to go.
And women didn't fight for rights or careers only some did. A majority of women didn't want the right to vote. But contrary to what you retarded braindead women think women did work and always have
A friend used to volunteer for an organization that gave access to free showers, clothes, food, and other immediate needs for solo homeless women. The numbers of older and elderly women coming in for services have skyrocketed.
My mom is a trad wife who quit her job because my dad’s job was moving him abroad and she was promised she could find a job there too (but she couldn’t due to visa issues). Because of this experience, she always told me since I was a kid never to quit my job and never to depend on anyone financially. When I see trad wives promoting that dependency, I’m reminded of my mom and it makes me sad. High risk might come with high returns, but high risk means the majority of investors don’t get that high return. I think this is applicable to the trad wife lifestyle
I’m 27. I found you awhile ago on TikTok. I knew this from a diff perspective, my mom died when I was 10 and my dad had to start over and continue our family life in Arizona. Since then I vowed I would never have myself in this position. Love to you ❤️
I’m in school for my bsn and afterwards I’ll be getting my doctorate. I’ll be 41 at a minimum when I graduate with my doctorate and anticipate a very healthy income. I will never EVER be dependent on a man again. And once my kids are grown I’ll be single for life. I’ve had enough of men to last the rest of my life. Ready to save for retirement and take care of myself without some “man” nagging me to death.
I'm thankful I had 2 grandmother's who drilled it into my head to never leave my financial future to the whim of a man. I'm 44 now and look around and see so many poor snd broken SAHM who are controlled by men and I'm thankful for the wise women i had in my life.
This is the issue with secular religious societies. The men don’t want women to have power, and when women leave(often times because of abuse) they’re sadly shunned by their community, family, and aren’t given any or very little rights to their children.
Men don’t appreciate women who stay home to “homemake” all day when they have to go out and hustle in this cruel world. Instead they eye the too cute, young ,hair and nails did , well dressed, high heels wearing , hard working co-worker who brings him coffee and “understands” the struggle. Don’t be fooled ladies.
You are a hero! You need to continue spreading your story and opening the eyes of young women all over the country. May you continue to soar and overcome the abusive behavior you have endured. A man is DEFINITELY not a plan. Make your own plans and life. Your ex is a POS for putting his children in this position.
I’ve been a trad wife 3 times. First husband cheated , left me and the kids homeless for the new bish. Im currently a SAHM mom again in a new marriage 😵💫 got a degree after the last divorce and taking classes while I’m home in this marriage. Always do SOMETHING just in case !! You can’t rely on these men. They will throw their whole family away for a new piece of a$$. DOESNT matter how long you’ve been together . I wasted 16 years on the first marriage 😵💫😵💫😵💫
As a single mother, your story gives me inspiration. It’s very difficult having EVERYTHING on your shoulders. I hope everything goes well for you. Thanks for sharing! ❤
One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me was the knowledge that either by death or divorce all relationships end, and that you need to be able to stand on your own and be in a relationship because you want to be, not because you have to. A lot of these trad wives have a hard lesson coming their way.
Yes thank you for sharing your story to young women who consider the tradwife trend and are unaware of the risks! My grandmother got divorced when she was young and never remarried because she never wanted to be a servant again. She bought her own apartment and did well for herself. I think I must have inherited some of her traits because I also bought an apartment alone recently, and it is such a great feeling to know you can take care of yourself. Men who want to take that away from you don’t love you. They want a servant who doesn’t have any choice to leave even if he mistreats her. There is nothing romantic about that. If you want the be a homemaker, you need to insist on money and financial security in your own name. Young women are getting brainwashed by people telling them ‚if you ask for that you don’t trust him enough‘, but men always look after themselves. The worst is when men don’t pay child support and I will never understand this reasoning to starve your own kids. Shame on all the men who don’t pay child support. And respect to all the women who do everything they can to nurture their kids. ❤
Thank you for sharing this. So much of your story reflects my own experiences. I was a trad wife but under the Pentecostal/Apostolic branch of Christianity. I’m afraid to speak up because when I do, I’m verbally “flogged” and it drags me down mentally for days. Thank you for being brave enough to share your journey. My family and friends completely turned their backs on me when I went through my divorce. They knew he was abusive but sided with him anyway so I had to do everything completely alone. They tried to help him completely take custody of the kids. He was successful with my oldest and he did a number on her mentally 😢 she didn’t talk to me for years but we’re talking now and working towards mending our relationship. Now I can’t financially help her get in her feet. She’s 18. Im barely making it financially and we split in 2014.
I think the future of woman is knowing economics and managing money. Regardless of education, to have money working in an investment that’s hers prior to marriage as a back up!
first thing my mom told me: NEVER be dependent on a man - NEVER you will always be his slave - no matter how nice he is - you never know if he will stay that way
I am so proud of you and what a great example you are for your children and other young girls and woman❤ Thank you for such an uplifting video full of great knowledge.
I am incredibly thankful that my country has a welfare system that enabled me to remain in my home , study and return to work when I became a single parent I am externally thankful for a system that supported me to survive
I was just newly turned 30 when my ex husband left me and our 4 kids 6 mo up to 7 yo and his two older children and left the country. I had no job, no education, no money and no home. It was heartbreaking. Everything I was taught to do growing up just backfired in my face. It has been 10 years now and I have struggled to go to college and get a job I like. Having 4 kids on one income in this economy is like trying to stay afloat in the middle of the ocean. I have my kids 100% and have no social or family network to help me and it is stressful and daunting but I have the love of my children. ❤ you younger ladies, get an education and job before having children. You never know when price charming decides to put their charm some other place…
The church has done a disservice to women. I was in your shoes 25 years ago after 26 years of marriage. I am still living with the aftermath as I have very little retirement saved and can’t stop working because I don’t have the funds to live on social security alone.
My ex husband had an affair with a 19 year old. We had been married for 10 years and suddenly he decided he wanted a younger woman. All that work, love and care I gave him was for nothing. So NO I will never get married again. Things may be hard, but at least no one will break my heart. I wish younger women could see this and know never to trust a man with your future.
i learned at a young age that i had to depend on myself. As an unattractive woman i knew i would be lucky to have anyone at all. Well I did end up getting married soon after college. It was horrible. I was alone most of the time. He loved his video games more than anything. I never had any children so that is good and i was able to support myself even just paying rent at times. I guess being unattractive taught me that i need to learn to just depend on me. My husband left me when he got someone else pregnant. I am doing ok now and i sure don't miss my now ex husband. I will never remarry or have children, me and my cat is how its gonna be.
The more things change, the more they stay the same. You could have been my mother as the same thing happened to her in the 60's. Only back then, there was no support from the courts if the man didn't pay CS or alimony especially if he left the state. Mom was very lucky that her parents made room for us to live with them so we were never homeless or hungry. And that is why, I never was without a job (for very long) when I had my Oldest. As long as I've been alive, men and some women have had the attitude of patting married women on the head & saying let your husband take care of you. I call BS! And when religion is a huge factor in it, the situation gets, not only worse, but down right dangerous.
