Why are gay men so mean? HERE'S WHY! (A Sequel) 

This video is LITERALLY about gay men treating other gay men like crap, yet over half of the comments thus far are hate comments. I think y'all are gettin' triggered lol You're doing EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT and saying we SHOULD NOT DO!!! The ignorance of humankind will never fail to astound me. I just cannot believe how willfully stupid and cruel people are. It will never make sense to me. If you have critiques please be kind. I will actually listen to you if you're kind lol

That's something which never crossed my mind - the extent to which gay folk really are never fully safe... having the "opportunity" to experience hate from people of every nationality/religion equally. Even designated queer spaces are often so full of bullying and drama that they feel anything but loving and safe. A few years back there was this article on the HuffPost on "The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness" (focussing on gay men) - I thought it was very insightful. Thank you for making this fun despite the difficult topic!

I am gay, 60 years old and have met hundreds of gay men from several European countries. Some of them I liked more, others less. Most of them weren´t interested in me and I also wasn´t interested in them....but none of them I would describe as mean.On the contrary, they were generally nicer and friendlier than straight people.

I will pet all of my cats. My mother hated me when she found out was gay in my twenties. She died of cancer. And I always had in the back of my head “Maybe God wouldn’t had let this happen to you if you hadn’t been so mean to me.” I know-that’s wrong. And I tend to ramble too. I thought I finally had a boyfriend in my mid-30s, but he turned out to be EVERYONE’S boyfriend; in 1999, he shot and killed the guy he was seeing, wounded that guy’s roommate, and then shot and killed himself. I have moved on from that, but now I’m 64, have just had a second knee surgery, am trying to prepare to ready myself as a seasonal tax preparer, and just make it from day to day…

I have always felt there is no community within the alphabet soup group. The hate and judgment I have received as an open gay non masculine, non gym fit man has been far worse from gay men. Most of my friends are straight people as they judge me far less than some gay people do!! Being a nice person and not a cunt is a choice. Blaming trama for being mean does get over used at times, but yes us gay men have received a hugh amount of negativity from parents and heterosexual society. Healing the wounded inner child and doing shadow work is essential.

So much to say. For example, we're in this huge cost of living and inflation crisis but every gay is like "doesn't impact me, I'm greeeeaaat." Like, really? Being gay just magically makes you awesome and rich? OK there Jake...there is always this added layer of competitiveness that doesn't need to be there.

You made me cry. Wasn’t expecting it to hit me like this

I joined a Jewish congregation in August. I so enjoyed every service and the holidays until two "A" gays started coming to shabbat. They both have gone out of their way to be rude and passive aggressive. This has broken my heart. I will still attend services until im finally driven out. Thanks so much for your blog. Sincerely from a "D" gay .

I never comment but your video called me somehow. It makes sense that we develop ways to defend ourselves and have a safe existence. But I feel like it's important to remind that when we suffer from something, maybe we are more able to empathize when seeing someone in suffering. Acknowledging what bad things you went through is a good way to choose how not to be mean. But it isn't always an easy choice. Ps: in Brazil, when someone or something is bad, we call it scrotum 😂 Sorry if bad English.

I cannot agree with all of your points. I am 59 yrs old and I have come across some very toxic gays. Really cruel and vicious, and I thought that it was me, somehow bringing it on myself. It took me a very long time, several decades in fact, for me to realize that many of the hostile people I dealt with were in fact drunk or high. I am very square, I never partied that way, and I didn't recognize it when I saw it. I stopped being on the receiving end of this treatment to my face when I would not accept it anymore. It didn't help that I was fat. I continue to see cattiness and ostracism. Part of the problem is gay men tend to socialize with people they see as equals, sexually speaking. Hot guys will rarely hang out with fat and ugly dudes. I think the reason is when you hang out with gay men, they often come on to you. And if they would never hook up with you, they probably won't hang around you. You are anti-religion, so you probably won't agree with me, but I think it is a problem of the soul. I treat people with respect, and if they aren't having it, I steer clear of such people. Cattiness makes the perpetrator a horrible person, and injures the spirit of our gay brothers. It helps to have a spiritual outlook where you respect others and do them no harm. You don't owe people you are not attracted to a roll in the hay, but kindness and respect until you know they won't have it, then you walk away.

What a great message! We all need to reflect on why behave the way we do, It is so important to love ourselves. You are vulnerable and brave to express yourself with this important message. Thank you!

This video is too chaotic lol

I'm not gunna lie...I am crushing on u so hard...looks and then personality...ur a catch dude and I relate

The era of gay men playing victims is over. Most people (in America) other than religious hypocrites and self-hating male closet cases are "okay-ish" with gays nowadays. I was abused by my mother as a kid and neglected by my father, then suffered through 8 years of bullying in school (during which I never once seriously considered suicide, and this was bullying in person, not online). I never talked to my parents about it as I felt they would blame me for the bullying. My point is this: if we begin to take self-responsibility for our reactions to all of this crap past and present we will be less mean and have less need to lash out at other gays as much. I think your content is great but your presentation needs work; I will continue watching anyway. The hand gestures are distracting from your content. Leave the beer out please as many people already believe we gay men are drunks and practically live in bars so why reinforce stereotypes? Maybe focus on your delivery, avoid tangential asides, and calm your limbs. You are doing good work, dear, but the truth-tellers will always get fire in return as we are a community that fancies itself ever fabulous bit never fallible.

I have been YEARNING for the discussions in your comment section! 😭❤

Dude I literally feel the same, there’s no place for me in the gay community. I am bubbly, have a strong personality but i always respectfully treat everyone equal and when voicing my opinions. Gay guys will at first be flirty and welcoming until i start socializing with others they like or dislike. When I end up running into the same crowd again they are caddy, give double handed compliments and always throwing shade. I feel like my experience is if they can’t possess or have me to themselves then I’m enemy number 1. 🙄😂It’s not as annoying nowadays cause I’ve distance myself from those group people years ago however, I still run across people like that occasionally and it still irks me at times. Especially if I’m interested into one of their “friends” but they’re too influenced or don’t want to speak to me because of fear of rejection by the group. Thank you for the video, it’s refreshing to know we’re becoming more aware and you’re able independently talk about the truth openly ❤

I love the mini interruptions from the pets lmao, will edit after watching the video fully

Thoughtful discussion. Approve.

Omg are you in Kansas??? Is that why your name ends in KS?? I am in Kansas! Wichita, to be exact. Love this video! It’s so honest! I’m working on myself personally. I’m not a mean gay. I can proudly say that. 😊❤

Do you have a way to reach you? I’m literally drinking while watching this right now and resonate so much with all you say. I’d really love to chat sometime.

This is honestly NOT meant to be derogatory, but your roller-coaster ride of circuitous digressions; yelling at your pets;, quick, seemingly unrelated asides; loud burps; schvitzing; etc. is SO much more entertaining than the subject matter you've chosen that it kept listening for the length of the entire video. Very enjoyable.

you're like Ellen when you shout at your cats: "Be Nice!"

I agree with basically everything you said. The reason so many non-straight non cis people are fucked up emotionally is due to being bombarded by negative stereotypes. In some cases before they even realize that they are not like their peers. I was never very involved with the "Club scene" or "grindr scene," but even i noticed lots of broken men having their wounds opened and reopened again for no real reason. the drug use is definitely a big part in all of this. I unintentionally entered a relationship with a man who in retrospect was definitely using meth, and also probably a drug mule. I didn't think he was a bad person but also how could i have a normal relationship with somebody like that? Led to a lot of trouble and i basically have stepped away from having relations with men. Don't know when I'll try again but i definitely feel like I won't be able to for a long time. I don't have any big answers for saving the LGBT movement, but I reckon being compassionate for our fellow's struggles, while also being strong examples to humanize the "gay experience" to normies is a start. Thanks for the vid!

This is the first time I have watched your video. Do you usually move your hands and arms so much when you speak? Or are you nervous? By the way, I am not trying to be mean; I am just curious.

so you are justifying how gay men are pricks to each other and others for no reason? I'm gay and grew up being told all the negative stuff and I still choose kindness over being mean. The excuses suck. Getting random messages on grindr the first day I walked into a gym to tell me "you don't belong here" and "kill yourself fatso" (and I"m not even that fat) is not right, and I can't excuse their bad and toxic/horrible behaviour because it makes them feel so much better to put others down and screw with their mental health. No sympathy, and no excuse.

You are fun to listen to. I don't like "queer" either. That was a big slur when I was growing up.

great video, I actuallt felt as If I was there with you having a good time while we talked and got a good beer

I really don't like the word "queer". Makes no sense to me.

My copy of Velvet Rage just came

Well happens to many ppl way I see it …. Just be you

Get well. You are brilliant.

That bit of you saying how non white ppl being prejudiced got me haha, there is no reason to separate how ppl discriminate. It is always amusing to see ppl not know how all races are capable of being heinous as they are great. Following that w associating camping as a "masculine" thing and then going on to roasting men for it, but immediately praising the women you know to like it, is also predictable. You are right when you said you aren't perfect. But that's a given.

Abuse on Gay Apps is sad, all Text and no squirt.

Thanks for stating this!! Unfortunately some christians or muslims have the feeling they should "save" homosexuals by putting their man-made morals on gays. This is not only wrong , its harmful. I hope for every gay and lesbian that they find a loving and respecting same-sex partner, connect, maybe marry and maybe raise kids in responsibility.

Can u get straight to the point

Wow you’re so handsome with your natural hair color

Informative video. I've been asking similar questions & the group I am taking to task are "religious fundamentalists & evangelicals". And it's fair because I was one of them for a long while. Most of these people do NOT know the Scriptures NOR do they study them carefully (& the Devil really is in the details). And it's the messages so many of them mindlessly spout about sexuality that causes lots of CHILDREN to be destroyed - often right around puberty. A childhood friend put a gun to his head & pulled the trigger. He was 19 & pulling a 3.8 GPA as a pre-med sophomore. It took me over 20 years to figure out why he killed himself. I followed the clues locked up in a series of memories & other parts of his life I observed. It seems he was deeply closeted & had religious parents who insisted he lead a life that looked like "straight A's". Occam's razor pointed at one loud probability: Prime of life but no relationships. Studies all the time. Cut out leisure time for study. Add a FALSE religious message that accuses your mere right to exist and where does it all lead? Despair - with NOBODY you can trust to talk to. Do you know what the Bible ACTUALLY says about those who push the poisonous message onto kids? Jesus said that those who did such things would be better off if a millstone was put around their neck & then tossed into the sea (than what they had coming when God judges them). Did you also know that the only guy the Bible records going to a burning "Hell" was a rich religious guy who thought he was better than other people by virtue of his birth. It turned out that God doesn't show favoritism after all! More same gender attracted people should look closer into the Scriptures. Because, contrary to what many people say, - the Scriptures are not opposed to same-gender relationships at all! See 2 Sam 1:26 for example. What it actually forbids between people is an act so dangerous & efficient at spreading STDs that every major global health organization has said it's perilous nature has no close second! I've been studying this stuff for a long while & it feels quite awesome to use the Bible itself to destroy the life destroying messages of bigots who put lies in God's mouth. I.E:" Evangelicals: Have you been fit for your millstone yet? "Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him that a huge millstone should be hung around his neck," - Yeshua/Jesus If you've observed that the "Gay" community seems to have a disproportionately high number of narcissists compared with the population in general - you're correct. This is one of the reasons why the "gay community" is so incorrigible & unrepentant of self-destructive behaviors - even when confronted with facts by their "own" regarding it. If you ask most psychologists what conditions turn children into narcissists, these professionals will tell you (2) things: 1) Sending the message that LOVE is CONDITIONAL - dependent upon meeting certain parameters. 2) Sending the message that some character traits are so horrible that to personally acknowledge them is worse than death. BOTH, the political & religious reicht send these messages loudly & often - hammering youth into so many of the narcissists that become the unrepentant shills for the "gay" community. That's the case. People who claim to be "righteous" actually create the most unrighteous people that society must suffer out of their own children! Repeatedly telling children that loving the "wrong" gender is evil" destroys the psyche of these children as they enter puberty & discover their own same-sex attractions! (Righteous people are diligent enough to explain that certain actions that imperil other people are the actual evil the Scriptures warn against. ) The self-crowning traits of a narcissist & most other severe personality disorders are: a completely selfish attitude & total lack of empathy. "Spirit gives birth to spirit."...Indeed! The wind dry of empathy from the parents becomes the whirlwind of antisocial personality disorders manifested in their children! Having children that are open to the charge of being wild & disobedient (lawless) will disqualify a parent from the position of an overseer according to the Scripture. If you want to know what the penalty is for producing narcissists & sociopaths ... you may want to sit down before reading: “Then the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel at which the two ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. Therefore I swear to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli’s house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever’” (1Samuel 3:11-14). According to the Torah, a millstone may not be taken as collateral for a debt. Jesus's use of the millstone in his rebuke implies that the sin is so grievous that it destroys entire families & cannot be atoned for! The curse on Eli's entire house is an example!" Want to know more? Smash my icon.

The problem you're trying to articulate is the company you keep, not the gay community.

Something about you is very attractive Both how you look And how you are I think you can be serious about commitment

I just want to say that some gay men perfectly know that and are mean anyway because it is the only strategy they found to renarcissize themselves. We often see internalized homophobia as an external force but you choose to do it on purpose. Thats the whole topic actually

😂😂 🐈 2:14 🐈 😂😂

I’m going to sound “mean,” but you talk w your hands a heckuva lot.

Agreeing with the underlying premise of cruelty in the gay community. That said, making things for public consumption requires a certain level of "professionalism"... making an effort in your presentation (what's up with the laundry on the back of the chair?), yelling/cursing at your cats (maybe put them in another room when you're shooting the video?) and burping? Nobody wants to hear/see that. Gay cruelty is real, being gross is a choice.

I understand that gay men been through hell but why take out your frustrations out on other gay people instead of the people who did you wrong.

Whenever a gay man complains about this subject (which is frequently), you just wonder if they've ever heard a group of straight men talking to each other. Banter is just how men interact, and with gay men the catty banter is a lot softer than it is with straight men, and much rarer... and without the threat of violence. Instead of expecting men to conform to your sensitivity, maybe just hang around with women instead.

You "chatter" too much. Get to the point...Thanks.

My brother in T-Swift, the amount of stuff you could have edited out of this video to keep this video to the point... I think it's important to remember to respect people's time.

this video is such a mass and you are a pure chaos, no wonder your youtube channel did not take off