Why being yourself is ruining your life 

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." ― Viktor E. Frankl

I've always interpreted "just be yourself" as simply doing what feels true to you and mostly following your intuition. It's helped me along the way as following that gut feeling that tells you if something seems right or wrong has led to me making the best choices for my life trajectory most of the time.

Who is from Instagram?

Society : "just be yourself" Also Society : "no not like that"

F*cking hell, very well put. It feels great having your thoughts put into words this way. That's what I've been talking about for years: "be yourself" isn't anything else than a motto we've learned to repeat without real utility. How are you able to be so great and accurate?

"Love yourself enough to become something more" never heard truer words brother ❤

Just be yourself. sounds like a comfort zone.

This video was pure quality. Messages spoken with seriously understandable script. Love it

To me, "just be yourself"was never about complacency, it was always about not molding yourself just to fit in (which is a common theme in media, both for young and adult audiences.) The want to fit in is a powerfull and primal thing wired into our social brains by evolution, but the irony is that "just beying yourself"in that context is the opposite of complacency. It's taking the risk of beiyng true to yourself by beying truly vulnerable. Complacency, then, would be letting go of who you are to fit in. Although, I agree just passively accepting who you are as something permanent and unalterable is not great. As Sifu sais in kung fu panda: "If you only do what you can do, you will never be more than what you are now."

Change is the only thing that doesn’t change. Of course we’ll evolve and change, this is why we are here to learn, grow, experience. But I never thought“just be yourself” means staying the same and not needing to improve. The peace you mentioned we want to feel in the moment comes with accepting who we are right now with flaws and things we want to keep, all of them, like accepting a difficult situation, then moving forward based on our values and dreams, goals. I think we don’t have to interpret “just be yourself” as stay as you’re, but more like you’re allowed to show who you’re, you’ll be accepted by the right people and being yourself and not suppressing anything will help you to see problematic sides in the surface so you can work on them and evolve. Otherwise becoming best version of you becomes a race where you never feel enough and happy with who you’re today and it’s the opposite of motivating. The things keep you stuck are not you, they’re your coping mechanisms and traumas and they’re not your fault and they don’t go away in one night. If you hate who you’re today, how can you work with yourself along the way? Self compassion is not wanting to keep what doesn’t serve you but removing the shame that keeps you stuck while you’re improving because the improvement, growing; it’s the endless road.

I had this revelation myself recently, that I’ve been striving for pure authenticity and “being myself” so strongly that I’ve stopped challenging myself. And in a sense, that’s not truly being yourself, because you’re the most mellow, unchallenged version, and you’re missing your potential. It’s time to do more, and be more. Good luck everyone!

"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping." -Jordan Peterson

Every time i see your titles, the always get more personal and personal and im like LET ME LIVE GOD DAMMIT

Man, that was really good. Have you considered doing a podcast at all?

Don’t be yourself , be who you want to be

Just be yourself, “It’s an inherently pessimistic statement veiled in self congratulation.” I love that, good topic choice Joey, thanks for sharing

If you’re stuck or lost in life, being told to “just be yourself”, is like a death sentence. What? This is it? So I’m just screwed? If I’m not happy, just being myself means no hope of ever improving.

For me "Be yourself" (without the "just") was always a way to not compromise too much on important values, goals and aspect of your personality you want to cultivate. The "yourself" in question should obviously be evolving, but I can see how it can also be used the other way around.

U had me salty in the beginning ngl, but I’m glad I stuck around. Interesting that even as a longtime subscriber you still got me with provocative language! Good shit man thanks

I’ve always realized that if I was talking or thinking about something and I said “I’ll just..” that, that’s not what I truly wanted to do and that I had reigned myself in to settle

Who else come from instagram 😅?

I think the issue here is that people can take the statement in different ways. Being yourself doesn't have to mean settling for your present self. You can still be working to improve yourself for sure....but you will still be you...just a better version of it if you work at it. I think people spend too much time though just trying to be somebody else completely......abandoning even the good things about themselves and not necessarily improving themselves either..and they come across as fake. We all have a natural personality. Even my dogs do...all same breed, all female, all grown up in the same home with the same training and all that but they all have their own personalities and quirks and quite often, many of these personality traits come from their lineage so there's a lot of genetics involved too. Same with siblings....I have 4 siblings (Only grew up with 3 though) and we still all have our own personalities. So I never saw it as just settling for who I am presently. I was always also aware of the need for self growth. My mindset about a lot of things has changed in my adult life so I assume that is part of my self growth although there is far more room for more LOL. I also have very bad anxiety which has very much altered the way i navigate life compared to how it likely would be had I not suffered that issue but i do not see that as just being me. I doubt I'll be able to make it completely go away though so it will always be a part of me. You can still be yourself and grow at the same time.

Don't be yourself. Be better. Smarter, Wiser, Faster, Stronger. There always an aspect where you can improve.

If you're in bad situation, you have bad habbits that got you there. So in that regard, just being yourself would work against you.

This channel is a gift to everyone. Thank you so much !

Thank you so much for this ! we love you 💛💛

I feel like I could replace this video with saying “Be the best version of yourself” which he kind of eludes to in the beginning of the video. We are different versions of ourselves all the time, we all have periods of time where we feel like lazy pieces of sh*t and other times where we are checking everything off our to-do list and feeling very accomplished. Leaning into the best version of you, or as I like to say “being the most you that you can be” has helped me a lot because it encourages action - finding things that really speak to you and then doubling down on those things while setting aside those that maybe are cool but don’t speak to you in the same way.

I came here out of curiosity ready to be pissed off. I'm glad I came with an open mind, and was pleasantly surprised.

You are just one of those people i really want to learn about. Everyone needs someone to drag them back to reality as you do with your videos. I like your "bald head" 💐😄✨

Hey Joey, what are your thoughts on these? "you should be more self-conscious" = overanalyze everything you do? "you should count your blessings" = comparing yourself to worse versions of yourself? "you shouldn't care what others think of you" = don't take care of others / don't make yourself an attraction point?

Great video, reminds me of all the times I had to "cold-heartedly" cut people off from my life every time I tried to improve myself, as they saw me changing as being inauthentic or something because they were scared and tried to hold me back, I strongly advise you do the same, people!

- "Learn to love yourself before attempting to love others" is other bullcrap. I did it for ~10 years, and I had nothing but disdain and disgust for me; bullied at school (age: 10 to 14) and feeling bottlenecked at home that couldn't comprehend my father's actions and felt nothing but fear, dread and that he stopped loving me after I got into puberty (or something along those lines...), was spending at least 13 hours of video games and internet (escapism), "learned" about the quote in school, more or less around that time and attempted suicide at age 14, since, it was impossible to love myself --- being the way that I was --- but, didnt mustered the "courage" to do it; and only at age ~23, I started seeing life in a whole other/new aspect, and started (attempting) to show interest and being useful to others. It changed my life, immensely.

I watch your videos almost everyday and it helps me so much I love you 💗💗💗

So what I gather is: do not get complacent in your behaviors just because you think they might be your personality and you can't change them. Look every part of your behavior as if you're editing a character, and what would the most badass version of this character be, and keep that in the back of your mind, instead of just writing of your potential flaws as "personality traits", look at them as something to be overcome if they don't serve you or you wish to see what it would be like if you were different, because you can be.

Don’t be yourself, be better

Just be the best version of yourself that you can be today. Doesn't mean it's the best version of you, period. But it means you're putting in the work to improve. Had it explain to me that way a few years ago. Really helped to make everything click

It is easy life be yourself. It is a good feeling. Nature life. You feel everything nature. You control you body better than ever. You can better be friends with the others. You can learn more if you life be yourself. You can change. People can you understand better. You can speak better. Be yourself is hard.

any one from insta?

Very well said and delivered. Love this outlook

*I got so distracted with the Rant that I totally missed the BETTER IDEA in the vid, don't feel like rewatching.*

Okay, since the first month until 1st december in 2022 I was constantly trying or should I say experimenting with myself to not be myself. Becoming the girl I saw on social media, since years of pandemic and a lot less direct human interaction, it was getting easier to imitate people and becoming them more than becoming me. On the other hand my original personality was quite a lot, I always think myself as different, or should I say authentic (?) haha. after 11 months doing this I talk, think, acted realld different than my original personality, this is my biggest downfall in the history of myself. I procrastinate A LOT and doing everything I can to help it but it just couldn't work out. Until I accidentaly log in into my very first instagram account, that's when I was 12 years old. Full of motivation, and lots of quotes. then I realized I wasnt trying to be me, I forgot myself and trying to be someone else, like life has no flavour. I think being yourself is loving yourself and doing things like you were a child, full of motivation, didn't seek validation of others, and loving yourself too much that it feels like hell not to grow as the best version of yourself.

being yourself is not enough until you improve yourself 💝

Thank you for theese videos man.

No, "just be yourself" means that you don't need to overthink things - just trust that who you are now will take you where need to go later

Thank you for sharing your ideas. Being a chameleon is more difficult since the pandemic for me. I find it hard to let go. I am slowly but surely, finding my balance. ❤ God bless!

Dopamine/Analyis Paralyze remained from this video 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 Thank you.

The reason why I hate that motherfucking phrase so much is because it assumes that I even like myself and that my self hatred is something that “society” just superimposed onto me rather than something I came across through self reflection aswell as questioning whether society had really oppressed me through giving me so called “stressful expectations” and not that I was being an asshole to the hands that fed me. No I do not wanna be myself because myself is an idiot and scumbag that hurts those around him. I wanna be a better person, someone else who I could actually like if I was next to.

Just being oneself might be easy but discovering ones inborn uniqueness in a world that constantly wants us to conform is actually one of the greatest challenges. I have totally reinvented myself and yes a lot of who I thought I was, was based on trauma. But believing we can grow into whatever we want and disregard our unique biological traits is as ill convinced as it is to believe we can’t radically change. The key is learning what we need to succeed and that will differ from person to person.

You're a fucking legend man, thank you for your videos

be yourself=shit on rolemodels and expectations

Ever since I have strived to become "nobody" rather than craving the gratification of becoming "somebody" I have never felt more free. People let their own lives ruin themselves over nametags.

My self is a monster.

at first glance, i disagreed because around the time this was released i realized i'm a busyness addict (and do it because otherwise im useless lol) though after watching this video, i mostly agree I have a friend who says "be yourself", "everything is fine" etc. which holds no meaning (moreover it's "thanks im cured👍🏻") and the problem is that your work towards the goal is called useless, so it's toxic

Thank you!

Absolutely amazing !

We shouldn't follow the cliché "Just be yourself." because: 1. To maintain social coherence and harmony. You wouldn't want to talk your boss, the way do to your mom and wouldn't like that from your boss either 2. To improve yourself. You should get out of your comfort zone

I have a question here: Why should we strive for more? Or become something "better" or "more special"? We are enough as we are ... life doesn't have to be a quest, it can simply be an experience. And if so, "just" being yourself is the only thing you can do. No pressure within, no bad feelings. It's simply the way it is, right?

Well said.

Awesome vídeo! I feel you're right

“Be yourself” is a very double-edged-sword because you can tell that to a very kind and caring lovely individual who is extremely selfless… Or an arsonist

I think we should just focus on the desires destination not its pathway just start focusing on pathway instead of noticing!

And that who we are is a human being without all the labels like black or white etc. the color of our skin is only a difference in our appearance

It is easier to produce such advice when in a happy family unit.

"My dearest friend, do not call me mad simply because you've come to find out I do not fit the image of myself that you've created in your mind, I will never be myself, my identity is flexibility and motion".

Shallow support is actually a pandemic of our time and greatly contributed to why so many people lean left in politics. Most people don’t put in actually effort to understand the depth of an issue and how to actually correct it, so they do the effortless virtue signal while the core problem persists

Instead of focusing on "being ourselves" maybe we should just focus on "being".

How about follow your values

Great video thank you

Why did that example of a person you gave apply perfectly to a(n ex) friend of mine. I care for him but he pushes people away, and I want him to see what he's done.

thank you

i am myself dont relying on anyone dont watching netflix or disney

"Just be yourself" is the stupidest sentence ever. Apart from being yourself, who else could you be?

Changing "be yourself" to "find yourself" helped me out a lot. You're an ever evolving and changing person, keep searching for ways to improve & find happiness/fulfillment in your life.

It’s not about “being yourself” it’s about being the best version of yourself

„Be yourself” in today’s culture means „give up on trying to improve and do nothing” - not exactly a life motto I’d want to follow. Thank you for the quality content!

I think this is a very subjective topic. For me, "being myself" means to stay true to my intuition, my needs, my feelings and my desires and not getting distracted and directed by the societal "self-optimisation-urge for being financially successful". I do get your point and I think its important for you to address this! But I guess this "be yourself" thing has a lot of different interpretations for many, some of which can actually be beneficial and good (:

The sad truth about succeeding as an authentic person in this life: "I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party; and I attended with my real face." - Franz Kafka

Who is here by Instagram post 😂

I've been on both ends of the spectrum: 1. The hedonistic treadmil where you just want more and more, growth wise as a person as well as materialistically. You end up never happy and somewhat fake never accepting yourself. 2. The fully self accepting "it's how I am" side of things which in turn becomes some what nihilistic and you don't push yourself anymore falling more into depression and as you said accepting toxic traits as normal. As most things, the truth is balance. In the middle. Truly going after things that naturally align with you where effort feels rewarding. Vs doing things because others expect it or striving towards something because your told it is 'better' or 'right' even though it doesn't feel serve you. Struggle is normal but it's finding what is worth the struggle and being rewarded for it with growth that's truly for you and things you gravitate towards.

I feel like "just be yourself" means more to stop caring what ppl think of you and pursue your own ideal self on your own. It isn't to just delete all your goals and sit down on the couch all day, it's to stop worrying about what irrelevant ppl who you will never see again think of you in the moment. For example in RU-vidrs, I've noticed to "be yourself" means to stop caring so much about forcing themselves to be family friendly and changing their content to fit the algorithm, and to focus on projects and experiences that truly interest themselves and that they can really put 110% into making.

For me, being yourself means to stay true ro your values and don't be a hypocrite. It means to be honest with yourself and don't lie to yourself about yourself. It is the fundamental step to development. Also, in society today, it seems as if survival is all what we need. Maybe what we need more is to be content with what we have (i.e being) instead of what we can become (i.e., becomming). I think this also helps to be more successful but also happier inside.

“Maybe the answer to life isn’t to just be yourself, maybe the answer is to love yourself enough, to become something more.”

That's why I always say don't be yourself, choose yourself. Decide who you want to become and strive toward it

Personally, my gripe with the phrase "just be yourself" is that it implies that I know what "myself" is, which I don't. So, counter-intuitively, in every social situation I find myself stressing over _trying_ to act the most like "myself", which is impossible due to the fact that I'm actively trying to be anything at all.

Who come here after saw the Insta reel are the leGend

It's a complex topic. Obviously we have several behaviours at different situations the same way we follow a dress code at different locations or situations. I think someone shouldn't change unless it actually ruins your life. When I am with friends or alone, I love being myself (and sometimes I have different behaviours but not because I WANT to change them but because this is how I am. I also would never change myself only to fit in somewhere or the get a girlfriend because that wouldn't help me either. And usually people don't realize that trying to be someone you aren't just makes it worse.

Being yourself in your head kinda solves that problem (atleast for me), always chatting to my real self feels good, it doesn't feel abandoned and doesn't make me distracted.

I think of self improvement as “skin unlocking”. If I do this task I can now customize my character with X ability or if I study I add 5+ iq points to my character. I look at it as unlocking the full, playable version of myself. That’s what being true to yourself is. But you have to do some shitty side quests and runs along the way!

To me, someone that's struggled with social anxiety and a fear of rejection, I see "just be yourself" as something endearing to strive for. Basically, lay down your unhealthy defense mechanisms and be unafraid to express your genuine self. In other words, you SHOULD spite the idea that people would accept you for anything other than what is "you" - a collection of motivations, the positive desires you have, and your unique flare of personality. While I understand that some may see this saying as having negative connotations of settling, for me it's a rallying call to be confident and content in the idea that I can be my individualistic self, no matter what place or people.

Man, your videos never fail to inspire me. I feel like every video I watch from you, I’m given a new perspective on life that opens new windows to the way I think. Thank you for this content!

don't be yourself, become yourself.

“Just be yourself” does have its merits. Socially, it helps you to understand and reaffirm your boundaries, have confidence in your interests, and avoid buying into useless advice. I was quite hard on myself for the last couple of years because my passions very much lie in writing and history but, being surrounded by voices telling me STEM subjects are infinitely better for employability and they’re more modern etc, I became a bit disheartened and pessimistic about my passions. I used “just being myself” to reassure myself that my passions weren’t stupid, nor were they worthless, and that as long as I put in the time and effort then I can make them the centre of my life and still be successful. That’s an example where that motto can be used productively, as having the confidence and determination to follow these passions fully is far better as opposed to wasting time in limbo and trying to push them away. However, I must admit that in the majority of cases the motto proves to be stagnant and limiting, and that’s because of how people choose to use it. Rather than using it to reinforce the positive aspects of themselves, many people get it to justify the negatives instead. It provides an excuse for self-destructive or toxic behaviours, and keeps you firmly rooted in the poisonous comfort zone. The version of themselves that people pick when repeating that motto is usually the lowest hanging fruit, because it’s also the easiest to reach.

Anybody from instagram🤣🤣

For me "Being myself" is trusting my instincts and not faking myself around others just to fit. I personally never used that as an excuse for being lazy about myself. Self improvement is part of being yourself IMO.

I've always interpreted 'be yourself' as 'be authentic' a.k.a. don't be someone else's best version of you, be YOUR best version of you. Jenna Marble's video on being yourself comes to mine (one of my faves) and she defined being yourself as thinking with your own mind and making your own choices which I love because it works even as you're evolving, changing, growing and working on yourself. But I agree 'be yourself' is probably too simplistic a phrase by itself.

"Be yourself" is not really meant to just tell people to be who they are. It is deeper, and more about accepting our faults, even if we have to work on them. We KNOW inside when we need to improve, so being ourselves is a way to remove the imposter syndrome that we all carry with us, if even for a moment, to strive toward something better. Being ourselves does not mean we cannot change. I believe it is subjective, and open to interpretation. SO many people are afraid to be honest about how they feel, and who they are, so following our true self requires some self forgiveness. It may seem shallow to those of us who have worked on ourselves our whole lives, but VERY important to those who are starting out. It is not about just 'being' who you are, it is 'accepting' who you are.

"So, maybe the answer to life isn't “Just Be Yourself!”, maybe the answer is to love yourself enough to become something more." that last line incredibly resonated with me

I think when people say "be yourself" it should be interpreted as "reflect the best version of yourself". That doesn't mean just be the most productive and disciplined person you can be, but also be the most "flourished", kind, generous and the most authentic to your "best self". Strive to be that version of yourself in all its forms. Yes, be yourself as in stay true to your self, to your essence and to your philosophy, but strive to be the best version of yourself in all its forms.

I've always hated the phrase, "Just be yourself." Lmao. When are you not already being yourself. Part of YOU right now is the mess you are that you're not satisfied with. Be the best version of yourself.

I love everything you do The habits versus personality traits thing is something I couldn’t agree more with Love it