The person posing as my mother straight said FINALLY that she does not care about me today. I already knew that anyway, but sometimes you just want to HEAR it. So your heart can stop trying for them. It’s not even upsetting
My mother was always critical of my sisters and me growing up. I just assumed all mothers were like this. My mother would go into my room when I was at school and read my diaries and letters, and then punish me for having read unflattering things about herself that were for my eyes only. I kept a diary written to an imaginary friend because I couldn’t talk to anybody in my house, least of all her. My parents were married for 41 years and there was a lot of bickering but we kids assumed that deep down they loved each other. I think my dad loved my mom, at least at one time, and if the love died on his end he still honored his commitment to her and to us and was a faithful husband and hard-working provider. Viewing their relationship with adult eyes now, I have my doubts that there was ever any love on her side, for him or for her children. She just wanted to be married so that a man would take care of her and she’d never have to work, and at 25 she was on the verge of becoming an old maid. That’s why I think she married my dad, and that poor sap had thought he had found true love after heartbreak of a failed early first marriage. She hid it better when we were younger, But now that I am back living with her and observing her after decades away, I’ve come to the conclusion that she has always resented her children and the modest suburban life my dad provided for us. Now that she’s 87 and suffering a number of chronic ailments, she’s got no filter any more. She will still make the effort to present herself to strangers and acquaintances as a sweet little old Christian lady who never misses a Sunday and pretends that she has a sense of humor. I call this alternative persona “Showtime Sally”. For her daughters, and especially me who lives with her, it’s a totally different story. She is so caustic and mean like a junkyard dog. She mocks other people’s appearance and physical issues, even though she is practically incapacitated these days. She’s angry at her body for its betrayal and takes that anger out on other people. Case in point: she recently underwent cataract surgery on both eyes, and for two months solid I played home nurse and administered her eye medication because she is losing feeling in her hands and couldn’t give herself eyedrops four times a day. She still do that and recovery well, thanks in no small part to my ministrations. It turns out that I need the same surgery, and for some months I have been struggling with my vision. A normal mother would be supportive and maybe even upset that her child had a significant physical problem. Mine makes fun of me, and frankly anyone who exhibits any kind of difference. She deflects everything off another people but seems to have no self-awareness about the hot mess she herself is. At her age, you think she would be trying to set her affairs in order and make amends with her children… Time has run out for any of us to have a meaningful and close relationship with our mother, but She carries on like she’s going to live forever. I think she will live to 100 just to spite us. When she finally buys the farm whenever that may be, I don’t anticipate shedding any tears… On the contrary huge burden will have been lifted.
@marywenzel3199 Dam, I could have written most of this. My mother married my dad because she either had to become homeless or move out of state with her family. My parents were married for 51 yrs and my dad sounds a lot like yours. But my mother disliked Christians. I think she thought she was better then them. She was meaner than a snake. I know my mother didn't love my dad or my brother & I. She even told me, she never wanted me. I'm glad she is gone. I do miss my dad though. Sorry that you have to live with such a person. I did it for five yrs. It was the longest & hardest five yrs in of my life.
This came to mind listening to your words as a catalyst. Giving empathy to an unbalanced person is like pouring into a bottomless pit. The empathy is used as fuel. Using discernment in this nuance is crucial for self balance and preservation to not give so much that an empty shell remains. Be careful with your gifts or your annointing, your oil, your pearls....there are many injured people among the living. It takes discernment of faith on how much, how long, to pour into ones cup before you begin to hurt yourself in the giving, helping, saving, assistance process. The fowlers snare is set in many people, places, and things. Walking in spirit in time and context, might alleviate uneeded battles. But on this earth in the fleshly realm, we know the battles will appear, whether we hide, run, walk, go shopping, hiking, chase our dreams, build goals, leave legacies, or live simply and full of humility. Its always on its way, and so is the promise. Armour up, be brave, dont fall in love with anything in this world. Thank you coach , keep up your cornerstone works.
When I Naïvely confronted a narcissistic relative about their greed, the person responded to me "The early bird catches the worm!" Like you said, in the video, it's all about a competition.
Most narcissists never had a chance to make a healthy ♥️ connection with a safe adult & simply retreated into a defensive as well as unloving position within….
Wired for fight and threat with a severe insecure attachment style. But they could've chosen healing. They learned along the way they like the power position.
@@caroleminke6116 I think there is a genetic link..on my father's side..he is a diagnosed NPD (diagnosed in hospital after a stroke, he spent 3 months there and the caregivers were mostly female, he hated being 'told' what to do and he had to wait his turn). My father was his mother's golden child, she was her father's, my older sister was my father's, her youngest her golden child....100 yrs of dysfunctional DV, abuse, lies, thieving and grief.
@@joyfisher8008 narcissists are not born. It's rooted in insecure attachment in the first 3 yrs. You can be traumatized before birth but still attain secure attachment. The narcissist never separated/ individuated and therefore never learned to self sustain or self soothe. It's unconscious poor parenting. Many are hallowed out on the inside and over indulged on the outside.
Continue to move forward "in love." Loving me this short dose of our good Dr. C. Love, respect, humility, inclusion. Hey, hey, I have a strong desire for HEART CONNECTIONS, proud of that! Heart connections and empathy make life oh, so rich. I value the ability to have heart connections.
Thanks Dr C for giving us insight & wisdom on something most of us blamed ourselves for thus, helping us work toward peace & self care despite the ❤ break. You are making an impact!!
They use your empathy against you for their use..but they give none..but they know what it is..they just choose not to give you any..and that’s the disorder..they don’t care..
This is so true.. Narcist has no love, or Perhaps their love is Conditional transactional love.. That's why it is hard to accept that my parents are covert and malignant.. Cause our sobconscious is trying to avoid being rejected
Over the course of 4yrs, if my ex helped me accomplish something....which was rare, I would say 'we make good team'. Not once in all of those years did he agree. He would respond with silence to my comment.
I wrongly projected that my ex truly wanted connection but didn't know how. I was only correct about the latter. You learn they live in a completely different universe of power, control, exploitation and relationships are purely exploitative.
My diagnosed Narc sister once told me "whats the point in feeling guilty?", 😶 "when i feel guilty i always nip it in the bud, I'll only feel depressed, and thats stupid"..wow
Empathy is about putting yourself in another's shoes. They never went through "individuation" as a kid, so they can't. They're stuck trying to get love from mommy. You are just round 3, 5, 7,...16...
I've already mourned the loss of everyone in my family. It's a cult, where everyone plays their role, and disagreeing with the leaders, gets you discarded.
Thankyou for ypur content..please could you consider doing a contrast between covert narcisstism and ocpd obsessive compulsive personality disorder (especially ocpd in mothers) ....with their daughters!x
I went through this with someone I cared about very much. It wasn't until I did some deep soul-searching that I realized the person I had intense feelings for, did not exist. She never directly told me that she never cared about me, but actions spoke louder than words. Once I realized that we were at a impasse and there was no chance of us ever achieving anything resembling a healthy compromise, I cut contact. I blocked her on everything and changed my cell phone number. It made it easier, because e were in the middle of a cooling off period. Where she in her arrogant mind, presumed that she was punishing me by giving me the silent treatment. It just made the process that much lighter and smoother for me to go cold turkey. Fortunately, because there was only one mutual friend who had my new number and wouldn't break my trust by giving it to her, he acted as a barrier. Due to triangulation, we weren't really talking at the time. Deep down, both of us knew that she had been the orchestrator and didn't believe anything she said. I thank my lucky stars everyday, that he didn't become one of her flying monkeys. He told me that she lost her mind with rage then screamed and cried until she lost her voice. All because I cut contact with her.
“So, understand that, factor it in, and then continue to move forward in love.” Huge. I really disliked having to disconnect my rational thinking from what I wanted to believe and what I was feeling. It’s like they unintentionally (maybe?) suck you into the same twisted reality they experience. I really dislike that I had to adopt an unresponsive mindset in exiting the relationship, and especially afterwards. The calculating mindset that felt necessary for survival, but not for the healthy relationship I was hoping for.
Is there a way to stop the hemarging of spending clandestinely. She has had forty years to get it and now her application has been reviewed and according to the research and your seriously insightful profession confirms this snake has to go!❤
Ironically, my x says" love and respect" robotically and signs everything, love and respect. All his words/ narratives are a polar inversion of his actual behavior and actions. It hurts your brain. Literally. Sadly, our adult children believe his words and dismiss his behavior 🙄
There is a book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul". Never read it but the title fits Dr. C's shorts. A little love for the soul. Dr. C presents us with the keys to our locks in little pops. ❤🎉😊
Empathy is a behaviour acquired by the example set by caregivers. An insecure person does not expect security and empathy from others and is incapable of producing that behaviour. For the narcissist, survival can only be guaranteed by staying in control in all circumstances
True,when Animal control took my ex NARC dog I started crying he look at me and said what you crying for it was my dog,it had nothing to do with you,I cannot make this up,in my mind I was like wow
Wow! perfect example...a glimpse into the narcissistic world. NO EMPATHY... and the sadist part is he was totally mystified by your feelings. Dr. C nails it.
I'll take a crack at it before watching so I can then see how I'm doing: I think narcissistic people have a fear of being seen as inadequate - especially by themselves! - and, therefore, so they're consumed with being special and superior. It doesn't leave much room for empathy, since it tends to mean you're putting them on the same level as yourself.
Currently trapped in a relationship with someone exactly like this… I don’t know what to do. Don’t know how to get away, if I should get away and Idk maybe It’s just all in my head and I’m the issue.
I once went down the slippery slope of "maybe I'm the problem" and I do NOT recommend it. Dr Ramani Durvasula has a great book, "It's Not You" which I absolutely do recommend. ❤
Continue to move forward "in love." Loving me this short dose of our good Dr. C. Love, respect, humility, inclusion. Hey, hey, I have a strong desire for HEART CONNECTIONS, proud of that! Heart connections and empathy make life oh, so rich. I value the ability to have heart connections.
I know this person people going through bad things don't bother them at all they are so focused on them self i know that they never experienced love as a child his mom had to leave his dad because of abuse he was the oldest child out of 4 boys i know it will take him having a relationship with Jesus Christ is his only hope sign Cynthia Smith
Most people are so selfish inside they can’t put anyone above themself or put themself out or let themself be uncomfortable for someone else that’s most people there are a very rare few that put themself out all the time for other people that’s the good kind hearted people out here there are very few of us we are rare
Having stage 4 breast cancer, mom exclaimed "i don't care that you're sick." In front of a social counselor. Showing her true character or maybe dementia?
I have learned mine feels he has ownership over who he feels to own at the moment or when. And people who like to own things can just disguard them as easily when they just don't want to anymore. So this lack of empathy yes. hugs
Nicely explained and was exactly my experience with my ex a covert narcissist. 7 years of my life wasted. The missing empathy was the very first thing I noticed but I didn't know what a covert narcissist was at the time. And when you are being love bombed then gas lighted then emotionally manipulated and blame projected on then ghosted then silent treatment then hoovered, OVER AND OVER its no wonder she broke me in the end. But looking back it was weird she had zero empathy. Good video cheers for posting.
It’s been awhile, but you’re the best. Why is that? Great question that continues to trouble me, boundaries,superiority, data mining. It like the dog beach some dogs just behave badly because they want to dominate and be superior like the one today that that ignored boundaries and tried to hump my dog. Sure they’re dog but most intact males will behave themselves. And many dog get boundaries and just want to play and enjoy the company of other dogs playing. Thanks Dr C! Shalom and keep up the good work
empaths cannot live w narcissists we are totally opposites!! yes the narcissist are ectemely competitive, cannot stand that in the least about them. Actually cant stand anything about them at all!!
narcissist are evil people, i have unforunately had to deal with too many in my life. family members t now an x bf! Im done with the bs of such selfishness!!!
