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As a professional certified matchmaker and dating strategist, I can honestly say online dating is problematic. Too many toxic and dysfunctional people using it as a quick fix. I don’t recommend it anymore.
“Online dating”? You mean choosing someone on an app and then hooking up somewhere? What was that e-harmony thing they used to advertise, with all those hundreds of questions?
I was in the online Dating scene. Four sites five times for 4 1/2 years. Though I did get a few dates the first year, the rest of the time did not do well. I was constantly messaged by scammers and con artists. I did learn valuable lessons, though. Prefer to meet people in person thru Argentine Tango Dance and events.
The truth hits hard. Settle when you find someone in your dating pool that treats you well and you are compatible with. You have to know that you cannot have the "most attractive" person, even though you have hooked up with people like that. Powerful.
One of the most powerful realizations I made about myself and whether I was making healthy, reasonable requests of my friendships and the women I dated was that I started to notice that the things I was expecting were things that I would expect of anyone. I would expect anyone to arrive on time-ish. I would expect anyone to text me back within a couple days. I would expect anyone to understand that they can't constantly interrupt me or blow off my concerns or things that are important to me. I think it's really important for people to remember that the fact they like/love someone doesn't mean that they should lower their expectations of that person.
Actually a great point. I've found this interesting.in other words you realised even if you fancy them it don't excuse them from being a prick about life .that is defo correct .don't date pricks got it..
I’m really amazed how this woman expresses herself so well. I’m not English speaking but she speaks in a such manner that it’s clear and understandable while I can learn new vocabulary and integrate the knowledge she is sharing ❤
Sadia is very practical and sharp in identifying people's actual problems. I went through most of the mistakes she is talking about. I found answers empirically and improved my life. What she is saying should certainly help if people truly apply it.
1:14 What Men & Women should know about each other? Childhood creates a template of how they like to give love, receive live and resolve conflict. Check for pre-existing trauma 2:42 Should we ask our partner trauma? When should we express our traumas? Ask yourself what your traumas are first. Express your traumas when your self esteem is high enough. 5:10 What boundaries mean, not setting ultimatums- not pushing people away 6:05 Impacts of Online Dating 9:21 What are the Red Flags both Men & Women should look for? Stay away from people who doesn't know their own mistakes. 11:30 When should you settle? You might have an inflated perception of what your level is, but not what you can access. See the pool of people who give you attention 13:40 Reality of Life. Focus on your poor rather than getting somebody higher. Stick to your station, focus on that 14:44 Gold Diggers. Women are looking for somebody who can provide for her. Gold Digger women brings nothing for him, wants to be saved from her misery. High Value women brings balance (can't be bought), is one that can achieve things on her own but is now ready to do it as a family 18:18 Both have to know thyself. Men don't be focused on physical beauty. 18:48 What happens when Men get a broken women? What happens when a Men gives/fixes everything to a women? Women will see that men as stupid as she can manipulate him easily and she will lose respect. 19:35 Men tend to accept a lot initially and changes, why? In the beginning stages we are not in love, so we are not vulnerable. As we develop feelings, we start to become vulnerable and so become controlling. 22:10 Green Flags in happy couples. They came from a healthy environment, they learnt to trust people with love. They don't expect long lasting love to look like new novel attraction. Other people get so addicted to novel attraction as they get into smooth stage, they get uncomfortable, feel unlove & seek new relationships. 23:36 Novelty isn't essential. Couples that last take a vested interest in their partner. Anything that damages their partners, damages the relationship, damages themselves. They do simple things where they stay connected as much as possible, they replace criticism with praise. Other partners remain individuals, so they are not interconnected. Don't exaggerate the negative. 25:57 Life is responsibility, life is connection, life is simplicity. Praise versus Criticism Example. Turn your Criticism into Instruction. 27:23 How does one avoid or prevent financial disagreements? Find out what finances mean to them. Finances may not be the problem but the consequences. Finances spilling into other areas of life will ruin it.
Notes: 0:04: 🔑 Continuing attraction in a relationship is natural if both partners stay curious about each other's evolving lives and take an interest in the person they are becoming. 3:54: 💪 Building self-esteem is crucial for healthy relationships. 7:20: 🗣 the importance of having a sequential focus on potential partners and the drawbacks of continuously seeing multiple people or going back on dating apps. 10:42: 💑 Reflecting on personal patterns and taking accountability can improve relationships. 13:55: 💰 The importance of focusing on personal growth and the positive qualities of people who support you, rather than seeking financial gain or using others for personal advancement. 17:39: 💰 The speaker discusses the concept of gold diggers and the importance of intellectual compatibility in relationships. 20:59: 💔 When feelings develop, we start to lose control and become more vulnerable, leading to a desire to control and avoid being hurt. 24:26: ❤ Loving and supporting your partner is a form of self-care and strengthens the relationship. 28:05: 💰 Understanding the role of finances in a relationship is crucial to resolving conflicts and maintaining compatibility.
Hi sadia you are the best keep telling the truth a lot of people can't take your information but I love it even when some of your information hits home I still keep learning from you much ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Mrs. Sadia
Thank you very much, ladies for the lovely learning curve. Dearly appreciated. Love listening and learning from your shows/ video clips. Good luck and looking 👀 forward hearing from you. Take care!
My childhood trauma was love addiction. In love with Love, when I should have just been Lusting. After all, she's going to be doing the same. Let the progression begin. Lust, Like, Love. Physical attraction to romantic friendship to best friendship, the marriage ideal. Dating is so easy when you know where to start the adventure. Really cuts down on the confusion.
Definitely the dating culture is the problem. Now it is normal for someone to be multiple dating people and treating you as an option rather than seeing you as a potential future spouse. How can you get married to someone who treated you as an option in the beginning?
I'm with u on that as a man & I understand what u are saying. I would always go out & tell my date I would rather date u & get to know u rather then have an option. It's not about missing out on someone else it's about understanding 1 person not multiple people. One girl I went on a date with was talking & I suppose dating 4 other men. So many choices.
@@alexb2753 I find that unusual since the women I know have boyfriends except for me. Maybe im lucky to have decent women around me! The men who approach me for some reason always have multiple women. Being single does have a lot of benefits though
I wish to become more like her. Im so glad we have the internet, through that i finally found people who became my role models. (And that with beeing 25/ now 27 years old)
We accept it in the beginning, you are still in the audition. Once we decide you are it, we establish the boundries and rules on what is and not tolerated in the relationship going forward. If this is not possible then #Next.
* Through the dating process you both have supported each other in becoming the best of yourselves. Marriage is a milestone for a celebrated ritual, that explains how the two of you are going to continue to support each other, through the growth of the healing that encourages the enrichment of both your individual, and combined inner potentials. * We all have a shadow side, and it's in knowing this side of them well enough to be able to live a lifetime with this. And if not, then we search for a shadow side that we can live with. Because when we ignore this part of them, it becomes the elephant in the room, and the reason to leave. We tend to ONLY look at the beauty of them, and then are dumb founded by this other part. When it helps to have Eyes Wide Open.
Dating is hard because of economics mostly. Jobs aren’t as stable as they used to be, now, couples both have to be employed, and it’s hard to find jobs that are compatible and cost-of-living is higher. People are working longer hours and have to resort to things like apps, because they don’t really have time to get to know someone. Hard to have a relationship. If you can’t live close by easily or if one person is working the night shift and the other person working the dayshift.
Bored again hmmn next topic where to look for a new rabbit hole to go down ..thanks sadia your content is great cheers for all the info and thoughts to ponder good luck with it all ...next.
I'm Single out of Choice Sadia, and so so happy to be so. However, coming from an abundance mindset and having gain considerable experience and wisdom in relationships I fee l I am abjective enough to know when the On ecomes alone., if the One does not come along then that perfectly OK too!
I just signed up for your channel just to say I have not dated in 33 years due to the dating rules have changed and also the times have changed and scammers ruin everything I do have crushes or admiration for ladies in sports that I would like to wish meet and see
I'm a man who hasn't dated since 1991, I personally wouldn't say that the rules have changed, yes the times have changed, there's scammers in every walk of life, computers and technology have made scamming so much easier, I don't know what to suggest to meet up with women, I'm from the UK, I'm 5'4" tall, not pleasing on the eye looks wise, and I'm in my latter fifties, I have a few lady friends, I've known them for many years, since we were kids, (a bit of an age difference, as in sisters of friends and the like), they are now married or in a relationship, I have never been successful in relationships, I didn't realise until I was in my forties why I was unsuccessful, I believe we need to understand why and what our weaknesses are, how to build on them, the other thing is, after 30 odd years of being single, you have developed your own ways, you get used to your own ways, bringing someone in to your life after being single for so long is going to be hard. I'll be honest, I don't think I could accept someone moving into my life now, you may need to work on this before looking for another relationship, hopefully you have a job where you will have time to spend with a partner, again, I don't, you've obviously got a lot, as in a decent home, nice car etc, you will have to share all of these things, they are going to have different habits to you, they might be a clean freak, or that could be you and they may be the opposite, the other thing is, you also have to consider the age of the person you are looking for, their past, relationships with family and their previous partners, have they got dependants? At 33 years single, whether that means you are 33 or you've had previous relationships, women of 25/30+ often have children these days, I thought about re entering the dating market around 10 years ago, because I've never had half of these responsibilities, it frightened me, I've never been a parent, I've had a mortgage, I drive a single persons car, a little two seater, (a Smart car), I've never had to buy anything apart from the house on a loan, I would have to move house, get a bigger car etc, even then, 10 years ago, I realised that it would have been a huge burden to take on in my late forties, and how would i prepare myself if i had to take responsibility for someone elses children, let alone the fact that i can't contribute to childbirth, would my future partner want to have children with me? I hope that I haven't put you off, I'm just throwing a few practicalities in your direction to think of, especially after being single for so long, things you may need to iron out before walking into a relationship. Good luck
Not every female who wants some nice things are just about physiclaity, not even all the ones that don't "have it made"! Aka some females that do Not have it made are still educated/intelligent/gifted/
I think my number one problem is that I have these high expectations. I want the man to take charge of the relationship. I just love that dynamic. I’m 18, and would rather enjoy my time with an older (25-35), more experienced, and ambitious man than a young, naive boy. It’s so weird that I find myself really craving that submissive woman and dominant man relationship. It’s weird because you’d expect I’d have daddy issues, but I don’t. I love my dad, I love and respect him so much, he’s so hard working.
Not weird. It simply means you want a more traditional relationship and that is absolutely fine! Try looking at men from communities or cultures where the standard is more traditional gender roles and I think you will be on the path to finding a man who has the same traits you admire in your father. ❤
because if you are not looking good, it is over. I was rejected over 4000 times and gave up ( I have never had any girlfriend) even though I took professional help...
Highly motivated and successful people have their own brand of personal flaws. The problem with our culture, is that people are oblivious to them or choose to overlook them, it's all about the prize.
For all that happened to you in patterns First blame yourself What did I do wrong That is what I pick out of this Improving myself No online dating Single Woman from NL 🇳🇱
Because others ate better than me this was the last relationship teaching. I am a good heart person and I donated my ax to better ppl than me. Also I did not wanted my ex to suffer because of staying with me.
When discussing the statement his money is our money n the woman's money is her money, you both agreed "yeah makes that sense". What!?! It's that 'I deserve shit' attitude that drives me nuts! Maybe in a traditional relationship (which I would now call an old fashioned relationship) the woman stays at home and doesn't have a job and takes care of the kids then yes okay that's a given. BUT in the world today of self-empowered women ,hello equal pay for equal work, NO FRIGGING WAY! Traditionally men got paid more because they were responsible for paying for everything! Now women make the same or are starting to and they still want men to pay for everything! HOW IS THIS FAIR??! I was raised by a single mother raising two kids on a secretary's wage and she never even borrowed a cup of sugar from the next door neighbor she was so proud! And gave me the false impression that it was an equal give and take in the relationship which is bullshit I've never been with one woman that thought it should be equal. Women wanut equality but they just don't like it very much when it actually is. GROW UP!
the sad truth accordingly to my experience both of my own and what I've seen. Woman are mostly loyal to their own agenda, and if she lacks emotional intelligence ( wich a lot of them do) depending on how they feel that's your outcome. And its very taxing, real life scenario my friend was with his girl for 10 years. He took her to 26 different countries and he was the one initiating these trips. When they broke up he got what have you ever done for me, and his not alone in this experience. Boundaries accordingly to modern gaslighting females is called insecure (lol), and the dating part. Peoples expectations are the main reason that thing doesn't work. Allways turn inside and ask what can I provide as a human to this other person and if not can I really extract that from the person if not then don't. And the I deserve mentality I don't even want to get started.
That’s a gold digger dude! Time to stop choosing based on sexual desire and convenience. He did not see the red flags or didn’t want to! I feel ya, people are so grossly selfish nowadays, been there bud, was used and financially drained, thank God I healed and found a good one!
It.s kind of hard to choose somebody of your own level, when you don.t actually like your own level. That.s why we are doing the best to improve ourselves so can access something much better. Usually the ones willing to invest in us are not as good as us. Everybody wants somebody "more" than himself NOT somebody "less". How "happy" we can be if we settled for someone beneath our level because we can not have what we like? Is this what miss psychologist Sadia did when she got married? Settled for someone not as good as her, just because that man was willing to invest în her?! ....Niiice!
In order to ensure a healthy relationship, blossom n thrives I think both genders need to know about one another is that their childhood creates a template of how they like to give & receive love And how they like to resolve conflict & how they like to apologize These are the 3 things How they like to see love How they like to apologize & How they resolve conflict Now that childhood template means that no matter how much you push/pull Until you understand their triggers Your relationship can always feel a little bit like a roller coaster But when you take the time to understand that they may have preexisting triggers due to some experiences in their childhood or some experiences with their parents That makes them hypersensitive to abandonement /make them hypersensitive to silent treatment they don't enjoy it /makes them yell more than they should You'll realize that their behavior is not entirely personal It's not because of you It might be because of something they struggling with And then you'll be able to look at your partner in a more compassionate & understanding manner And resolve conflict & then have a more enduring, long lasting relationship But without that perspective, Unfortunately every fight feels like a thunderstorm & every resolution feels like pulling teeth When it could be a lot easier if you speak the language that they understood when they were children
So does that mean that we should be asking what each other's traumas are on the first date? We should be asking ourselves what our traumas are That's a better way to do it If you ask yourself, what is it? How much separation can i handle with my partner? Do i like to be really seperate/do i like more closeness? How do i resolve conflict? Do i prefer to just leave the fight & have some time out / do i need to fix it right there and then ? Do i yell & get personal? or do i say mean things / am i somebody that holds everything in and then eventually explodes? What do i do & then how can i give my partner alnost a psychological manual on what they can do to make our relationship a lot smoother and you meet them in that same place I know it sound really boring, really clinical But if you do that, it does make life a lot easier for you
So when should you then express those traumas, When is a good time to like, listen i'm really sensitive you not texting for like 5 hours / i'm really sensitive to you going out with your female friends or male friends ? When should that conversations come up? When your self esteem is high enough, The moment your self esteem is high enough, What it will do is allow you to express yourself in a manner that tells people what you prefer & what you don't want And they are most welcome to meet your needs, But if they're not We don't have to yell, scream, force anybody But the moment you have that level of self esteem where it's not about holding on to this person I don't care if i put this person off / make them hate me / they get off me It's more i want a healthy relationship and i can only do it by expressing this Now if i live in fear that i'm going to put them off My self esteem is not high enough to create a constructive relationship anyway It's going to end at some point anyway Because you're not confident that the true you will match the true him So if you gave a level of self esteem where it's like i'm not trying to impress you, I just want a healthy relationship In order for that to happen You just have to be aware of this & i'm happy to meet your needs If you live tiptoeing around that Your self esteem is probably not high enough to be in a strong relationship anyway
And in that case also basically when you expres what you need there's a risk of someone not accepting it right? Yea The risk of, i'm sorru i dont accept it, i'm going to have to leave, yeah And the thing is not that, It's a deal breaker It's not that you say you have to do this It's just that this is what i need because of this, it's not personal, this is what i need And what some people do is they think that boundaries means pushing people out & blocking people after the first conversation I told him i like this, he said he know, and now i'm done with him & im so strong That's not what really boundaries is, It's explaining to people how you like to be loved and how you like to be treated Explaining how you potentially can love & treat people and seeing if it's compatible But it's not setting ultimatums It's more of a case of, It should be drawing people into you and creating intimacy Not pushing people away
Here's the problem with online dating & with any kind of dating Is the level of commitment you have towards your partner will depend on how much you invest in alternatives Not actually how great your partner is So what i mean by this is if i make a decision to love & just be with my husband and avoid alternatives & focus on that person Then that commitment can become something But without that mindset it will always be diluted The connection will always dilute it Now the problem with online dating is it makes you focus on alternatives So couples that break up/end up cheating are couples that will always imagine what life with an alternative would be like So they'd be like I wish i was with a man who is more mature Or a man would say i wish i was with a girl who is younger etc They're constantly imagining the alternatives Now those couples are more at risk of breaking up Online dating pushes that mentality far more So that's why i don't see an alternative to be honest When clients always come to me and ask me like how do i meet someone? : i really wish i knew I always say it's not online dating that's the problem It's your mindset Are you continously aware of alternatives / do you try and be sequential? Focus on that one person Then understand if they're compatible And don't mind taking off alternatives for a little while And then you'll discover the outcome faster If they're right for you, you'll figure that out straight away If they're wrong for you, you should figure out straight away But by diluting it and seeing 3,4,5 different people all the time & going straight back on the app, You don't know who is the compatible partner And that's what i think is the problem with alternatives
About addicted on the app They get addicted to novelty So what i mean by that is they get into the habit of the beginning stages of relationships & forget the habits of the long term parts of relationships The beginning stages is dressing up Going on a date Knowing what to talk about Putting on your best face The long term parts are like you know Just maybe sitting at home Getting to spending time with his parents, your parents, the boring stuff And so what happens is there is an addiction to novelty & an addiction to the beginning stages of relationship and a repelling kind of response to the maintenance stage of relationships And that's the problem with online dating + dari gua Addiction pada fase romantic love nya doang, Sblm ke stage 2 yg fase distress Mereka gamau ngelewatin itu buat ke jenjang selanjutnya Mau romantic shit&fcking nya aja maybe di awal trs cabut Trs dapet deh novelty
I lost the Woman of my dreams…we were together 3 yrs…she came up with the stupidest reason for leaving me…I guess I didn’t check her enough..she left for some ex “Just A Friend” from 7 yrs ago..he says everything the right way…asked her to marry him 15 while we were together ..she brought him into our rejauto ship.I told her he would kill it..he did..
How do you feel about dating older men who are a little on the wild side? I had a girlfriend who passed away a couple years ago that liked to speak in a British accent when we went out we had a lot of fun your voice reminds me of that. I really miss her but time heals all things. Almost four years single, I don't even know what to say to get a date, I keep buying shit at this store I don't fucking need because I chicken out .
Was going to scroll through my tinder likes while watching this….. till I opened the app and saw that I’ve been banned after being on it for 4 years T_T . I’ll take it as a sign
Iteresting story, it is One question I have to you: Was it been at the beginnin or middle of the 70ies easier to take datings like just now, espacialy, when you ar living in the country, like just now? Only want rember you, that we had have no handys or social medias like internet in this time.
What if your self-esteem is not high enough to even be in a relationship, can you please make a podcast about that and talk about how to raise your self esteem because mine is just down in the dumps right now 😂 and I have no idea how to get myself out of it((
Video Idea : You can control whatever you speak and how you present yourself, but what if you find only women who are so f*ed up by ex boyfriends or her own behavior the she got major psychological problems. My last dates all are customers in local psychological hospitals and I don’t know if every woman in BERLIN is like that or why I always end up with this woman. Women from other city’s are the complet opposite. Every normal girl I met is from another country… so I stay single.
Just to jump in on the gold digger question. She asked " how does a woman navigate this situation?" well men, with our exeptional levels of clarity and rationality, have already given you gals the template for navigating this situation when we ask "what do you bring to the table?". Sadia seems to agree btw
