If there are significant assymetries in a partnership, that partnership is at risk. Tango is not immune to this, whether it is an ongoing relationship for practice, performance or competition or even for just a tanda.
Tango requires maturity. To my experience, really amazing leaders are confident but never dictatorial. They will make you an equal partner in the dance, they listen, they answer, and there is always a beautiful dialogue going on in a dance. Tango dictators are the ones who lack technique, specifically in connection. They dance for themselves, and ALWAYS blame a follower. Usually, these leaders have narcissistic personalities. I never ague with this type of leaders. It’s a waste of my time and energy. They are who they are. I simply avoid them. By the way, Derek, you are an amazing leader. Thank you for a beautiful tanda in Cleveland. ❤
I’ve heard great leaders follow the follower. Something to consider. Another great quote,”she likes to dance with me because I care about her”. I think they call it a “partnership” for a reason. I’m not a fan of dictatorships.
A leader leads the follower, allows her to do what he lead and then follows her. That’s what creates the harmony of two moving as one and this all happens imperceptibly to the outside eye in a fraction of a second, all within the music. When done properly it feels as if it were magic.
Derek said it. My tango teacher was like that. Smooth, suave, and soft talking, yet there was never and ounce of doubt he was not in control. Besides, he was ripped, so no woman would out wrestle him even if she wanted, but there was never need to, they all melt under his embrace. On the flip side, in a neighboring tango school, there was a older teacher who would barge, scold and shame his female students for not understanding his lead. Seriously, what does he get out of that? It almost like he is making up for his lack of technique. No woman would think hmm this guy must be really good, I should keep going to classes with him.
Interesting story of the flip side. So nobody enjoyed dancing with this teacher or was there a select few that loved dancing with this person because that could create intrigue especially if those dancers were highly regarded
@@LeftFootRightFootTango He has been around for a while so even though he has grown old and not that sharp anymore, people still hold him in high regard. Most people that still go to classes with him, its either because they don't know better (newcomers), or because they have some affinity with him.
@@jburt56 I won't deny that. Woman, and specially old ladies would just throw money at him for classes even though they are not actually improving at all.
Of course, there will be times when someone should tell the other how to do something, but unless you're great, you should be careful. You could be hurting yourself. I'll give you an example. There is a leader in a class I attend regularly. I look up to him. He looks great. I can tell he's musical and he's also very nice and willing to help others. When I first practiced with him after the class, he was trying to help me and I readily took his advice (dictatorship) because he has all this experience I don't. (Note that I put the positive "advice" spin on that term.) But something just didn't feel right and some moves were difficult for me. Fast forward one year and when I danced with him again, anxious to demonstrate how far I've come, he felt the same. Only this time I was able to see what the problem was. He was too fast. He didn't wait until I arrived before he was off on another move. Unfortunately, he was not open to feedback. And a year later he still hasn't corrected that flaw. In the beginning I would not have been able to identify what exactly the problem was, but if he was open to working on himself, he might have. So those who think they are in position to teach because they are advanced or have years of experience may actually be doing a disservice to themselves by not listening to their partner when he or she says, "this doesn't feel right." Even beginners can teach you a thing or two. No dictatorship needed or warranted.
11:25 I agree with Rob. To me a dictator is more than just a loud and boneheaded figure, it's someone who thinks he is the only source of truth and everyone else is wrong. They could be nice about it, but they are still very dictatorlike to me. Because you could be very assertive in your position of certain things, but not closed to other points of view. Edit: Tone is another very important factor. Whether you are speaking in a top-down condescending way or if you are speaking like a friend.
I think there are tango dictators in both lead and follow roles. I agree with Rob that it is in my experience better to defer to a higher power. If I'm in a class and we are having difficulty i will call over the teacher. I might think that if the follower would only do this, it would be better, but she is responding to my incorrect lead. Or it could be her step or pivot is too big or too small, that's best for the teacher to point out. If it's at practica I may try to make adjustments and if it doesn't work I will ask for suggestions. I personally think tango dictators should be kicked to the curb. I think teachers should always tell a student what they did right and what they can do better. Tango dictators can be created by only giving positive reinforcement without suggestions for improvement.
Most of this discussion is about social interactions, and these are mostly performative. In terms of the actual dancing, the man should not be afraid to grow and improve and represent his strength, athleticism, balance, diet, self-control, flexibility, coordination, mind-body connection, sensibility of others, confidence, and musicality to be the best he can be. This does not require speaking. It does not even involve taking taking too many tango classes. It does involve practicing tango though. If a man is improving to be the best he can be, he does not have to apologize for it. He does not need to perform this improvement with speaking or un-solicited advice. The man should be able to keep his balance and stay with the music himself even if the lady is pulling on him off balance or trying to move herself around the dance floor.
@@LeftFootRightFootTango That is cool. Basically I am trying to say that being an awesome confident leader in tango dancing is separate from the social interactions discussed in this video.
This is such a waste of an episode. This topic overlaps some of your other talks. Its vague and has little substance and practicality. Maybe Rob is secretly jealous of Derek. Lets talk about that
