Lol, I had a proposal once, very early in a relationship. I asked why? And the reply was that he did in fact need help with the housekeeping. That did not age well.
Ofcourse.. They behave like that only.. My close one was married a Paranoid and got physical abuse..then she got another marriage..but after that she knew that he was a Narcissistic.. No Adjustment, No Hope, No Empathy, No Changes in married life..
Couldn't have said it better myself! Narcissists are the ultimate hypocrites. If you're their "spouse," you're their possession, but they'll never belong to you.
Also, just because you want to marry someone doesn't mean it's a good idea. I'm happy my relationship with one particular secretive and unstable creature went nowhere.
1) To make themselves look normal 2) To make their ex jealous 3) To give access to social events that are couples oriented 4) To have access to the new spouse's assets 4) To secure supply
It's sad how they don't want abandonment yet do everything that leads people to abandon them. And then they do everything in their power to not believe they are the ones causing their own abandonment.
It's partly due to the lack of ability to self-reflect. Once you truly understand how they think/feel, what they are and aren't capable of, it all falls into place.
Excatly like that . He has done so many horiffic things and God knows how many times said to my face that he doesn't care about me BUT now we are going through divorce and he is so "wonderfull" to me ,repeating constatly that this was a wrong move ,he is now a "great" husband ,"great" father ,he keeps me like a "princess",thank God and Dr Ramani that thaught me that this iş just his tactic called "LOVE BOMBİNG" and i can see more clearly that divorce is the right decision .
SOOO TRUE. They blame you and anything else. They claim they want to stay married to you and how you’re tearing up the family but do NOTHING they are supposed to do to be tolerable!!!
He was Prince Charming for the entire 1 1/2 years we dated engaged... Then 4 DAYS AFTER the wedding he had me in tears on the night of my College Graduation ceremony!! After 7 months of his mental and then physical abuse I left him. He became a Born Again Christian and used that to win me back after a month. It was a marriage of continuous Mental abuse, going from cold cruel critical, to being sorry and playing his game to get me to forgive, then he would start more cruel critical mean behavior. Up and down. It was like sleeping with the enemy. Disgusting person just Evil. He even pushed me across my kitchen the morning of my Mom's funeral and went there pretending to care and everyone coming up to me saying How Lucky I was to have such a great husband. No one knew he said I couldn't buy FLOWERS for my Mom's funeral, or a $25 nightgown for her to be cremated in, because my Mom would have wanted that, and it was her favorite color with a rose on it,....he said horrific things I can't even repeat. I was living in shock for a long time not knowing it. I just can't even explain how many insane evil things he did throughout our marriage. So many years wasted. I'll never ever trust anyone again. I see most men are like these monsters. I pray they all stay far away from me
The only thing I will say here is that I have had these same horrible experiences. My Prince Charming kept it up for 4 years and turned into another creature overnight. However, there are good men who are good human beings. Please don’t lose hope or become bitter. Right now i also cannot imagine ever being married or in a relationship, but I’ve been listening to Dr. Ramani now for a year. I’ve been on a healing retreat. Let yourself be healed and trust in God. People can fail you, but God never will.
It was very cruel for him to push you on the morning of your mother's funeral, he was obviously a very very sick individual please don't give up on love because of him sis. there are good men out there.
Unfortunately there are women like this. I'm female and I'm trying to get past a recent break up with a female narcissist. She is evil and actually even admitted while drunk recently that she can't feel love and doesn't know what it is.
I am so sorry to find out what you had done through. I was in a similar situation. From outside my ex was very affected, but he abused me emotionally and verbally, made me think I am not good at anything.
My ex husband really tricked me. When me and him first started dating, I was having issues with my teeth. I was having bad tooth aches, because of a bad sinus infection, that was really resistant to antibiotics. I would be at his house in tears from the pain and he would comfort me stay up all night long. Fast forward 2 years later we're married and I'm pregnant I go into preclampsia at 7 months, I almost died. This is my first child, so the next day after a terrible birth me and him are headed down to the nicu. I instantly start crying because I'm stressed out. My daughter is connected to tubes monitors everything, yes I'm a nurse but it was so overwhelming to see my baby like that. He bends down and whispers in my ear " you need to shut up with all that crying, you're making me look like a bad husband". From that moment on my view of him completely changed, I started to realize all that love and caring ,I experienced when we first started dating was just a part of love bombing. I started to realize his "emotions" he displayed were really just a mask he used to get me where he wanted me.
wow, that's so cruel to me, you just had your baby and you were experiencing something extremely difficult and traumatic. I hope you and your child are safe and well.
that's how i feel now, just an employee. he wishes he could fire me but then who would care for the kids? his new girlfriend? nope she works for him. (he even denied it was him in the surveillance video groping his new girl at the rest- like how does this shit even come out of their mouths seriously? ) if he promotes her to full time girlfriend where shes caring for the house and kids, then who will he have his affair with? just someone else. all i am is someone who cares for the kids and someone he can say "my wife" to his many admires who say what a nice guy he is and how i am so lucky to have him. now when i do come around his restaurant- which isnt very often- and they say those things to me, i roll my eyes and/or tell them little stories of how he calls me "lazy"- just one ex of what he says to me- Mind you, i work a full time corp job for 13 yrs with commuting, and care for 2 kids- one with a sever disability, a dog, which was a "gift" from him i never wanted, and the sole person who cares for the house and its responsibilities, my kids social lives, nursing for my son, medicare and etc..... Yet he calls me lazy, but only to my family and his family, never his customers. to his customers, I'm, " the most caring, supportive wife a man could have", " the way she cares for our son and works a full time job and deals with me and this restaurant, im so lucky to have her". i wanna throw up. sorry for the rant
Empaths are too kind to spot a narc till it's too late! To all those empaths who eventually got ”discarded”, I'm sure you're grateful now. Be strong, life gets better! 🙏🏽✌️🏽
To present that image: spouse, house, and success. Built in supply with the bonus of looking like they've got it all. Plus nurse, cook, maid, laundress, consort, and scapegoat.
Mine was pressuring me to marry her Our brothers and sisters are married I was going to marry her but I wanted to make it right Make sure We was having heated debates arguments about me put a ring on her finger Which I was but I want to do it my wayWe fell outShe immediately started seeing somebody else But I put the ring on her finger She started disappearing on me Was little disrespectful earlier in relationshipI He would blow my phone up but if I do it but her phone up she would get mad at meSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with aSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with another doSo Sunday February 21st broke it off because in the face time video I didn't see the ring on her fingers and I know she was out with another Guy So I had to walk away it hurtsThinking about changing my numberWe were together for 4 years 2017 to 2021
I told my narcissistic husband... " You don't want a wife, you want a silent partner, and you don't want a relationship, you just dont want to be alone" At that time I hadn't even recognized he was a narcissist yet.
"Marriage may reassure their abandonment fears." At the end of our "marriage", I was able to persuade him to come to a therapy session with me. The therapist asked each of us what we loved about the other. I easily burst forth with a long list. My husband only mentioned one thing: "I love how much she adores me." (BTW, I was wife #3 and fiancee #4.) Thank you for another excellent video!
OMG! I was my (now ex obviously!) narcissist's baby mama number 3 and thank God he never married me! I broke up with him because I realized he was a narcissist after 1,5 years of the so called relationship!!! So happy! Saved myself so much precious time for healing and focusing on my kids, work, myself, and watching Dr. Ramani's vids to make sure I will never fall into a narc's trap ever again!!!
Wow, these soul sucking leeches don't deserve our love, and your ex is a perfect example. Narcissists should marry each other and leave us empaths to each other who know how to love. Sending you healing energy 🙏❤️
They get married because they need a slave,they need a supply,they need a source to hit their anger and frustration (punch bag), they need to show their power,to show their possession of control, a weapon to achieve their selfish desires.This is endless,in a nutshell there is no marriage with them,its a hell.
How many people married one and watched them turn into someone else overnight?! So charming, helpful and caring before the ring goes on then that's it.
That's EXACTLY what happened to me! We dated for 6 years! He kept up a pretense of being a gentle, kind and caring man. I didn't know what happened when he "changed ", and am ashamed of how much time I wasted trying to get him to change back. I left 8 years ago and these you tube videos have allowed me to finally name what's wrong with him, and realize that it never would have gotten any better. I'm healing and enjoying my new life!
I was married to a narc for 31 years, I have learnt so much from these incredibly wonderful videos!! My narc cheated, I realized that was just a symptom not a cause of our marriage. To all these women who figured them out at an early age I admire and envy you! I’m 53, I feel so liberated, that I am not responsible for him any more, I left the house the day I found out about his affair, his chronic pathological lair, I don’t need HIS truth I have self worth, awareness n left with dignity, I’m going to love and adore the rest of my life ahead of me❤️
Mine too, after 23 yrs. I am so enjoying the peace. People ask me when I’m going to start dating, it’s been almost 3 yrs now. I ask them if they are crazy, not happening!! Lol
They get married to hide who they really are. To some degree, spouses provide a camouflage for who and what they are. Sometimes only their spouses know who they are. Their children might know.
So true .my ex . these ij and our last daughter and she was a hellish child and he showed her everyday and laugh a tt her tw o.o sisters and put me down she is 26yrs now still dont talk to me or her sisters and she is handed big money from the Narc father to gain wealth through opening her own hair business ..I still dont have any contact .nothing we feel like she disappeared no contact for yrs 😭😭 she was helped to ..by the father to disconnect at 15 yrst and half made out I was a bad mum...its like a death ..for us..shs makes sure we don't get to be able to talk is where she lives no contact..she was told 2yrs ago she is a aunty all she said to her sister was F......off 🤢 but we see on her business FB..she got married but never is ever kind anyway to us only people who don't really know her🤕😶
This very true! He enjoys being the victim. He treats everyone very differently than me. To me he is very dismissive and belittling. He will also try to take credit for novelty things I do. Even after he had a lack of support for my idea to begin with.
I literally called off my wedding to a narcissist 3 weeks before the big day. Being in a relationship with them for 3 years and being a placid person (and for what I can now see is being taken for granted for 3 years) I thought everything would be ok but 3 weeks before the wedding they truly showed their colours and when I actually stood up to them for the first time and said I don't want to marry her, she begged me for 3 weeks to reconsider and promised to change her ways...unfortunately I couldn't take her word for it, get married and hope for the best. I no longer trusted them, I have majorly struggled since calling my wedding off and even doubted my decision at times, but your words have really confirmed to me what my heart and head were telling me..thank you
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾🤣😂🤣 She started to get comfortable showing her colors as you drew closer to the BIG DAY and never thought you’d cancel the wedding. She would’ve only gotten worst…TRUST! She probably 💩 her pants when you called everything off because of the embarrassment and humiliation of getting dumped. Most narcs are already shamed-based as it is. I’m happy that you had the courage to cut ties before everything became official instead of saving face for her, and possibly other people. ~ BEST WISHES!!! 👍🏾
To create an illusion of “normalcy” to hide behind. Completely nauseating once you realize what is going on. Oh ... and also for a 24/7 maid and valet service and at will sexual servicing 🙄
Narcissists get married, oftentimes serially, for housekeeping, cooking, and another income source, which of course is always at their personal disposal.
ResoluteBelle thank you... my husband BEGGED me to marry him for 2 years and then when I was convinced it must be from God, all he ever fought for was to keep me at home to take care of him! My marriage was an episode of the “Twilight Zone!” I kept wondering “who am I?!” because that’s NOT what I signed up for! He always confused me between “rescuing” me and “discarding” me.... while ALL ALONG he was running off having sexual adventures with other women. I was so void of any self-worth that the thought that bothered me the most wasn’t his infidelity, it was WHY wouldn’t he want to do all those things with ME??!!!. Thank you for shedding light on this. It’s going to take a TRUCKLOAD of affirmations for me to become the REAL ME again 👑 but I suppose it’s the only life I have and so the only work worth investing into is in myself! With the help of GOD, I will not surrender 🙏❤️🔥
@@vivianaher1010 I have been through what you are going through & I am on the other side of it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise. You will find your life is SO much better without these demonically influenced people. Forgive yourself for missing the red flags and move on toward the true happiness that awaits you. Now that you know the warning signs, look for them. Like Dr. Ramani said, kick the tires. God bless you on your journey to healing.
Currently, my narcissistic ex is hovering and trying to get my attention. At first, I almost was going to get sucked into his sweet talk, which he conveys through his friends, but after all the videos, I am now more aware of tactics employed by him I.e. Discarding, devaluation, and hovering. Anyone who reads this comment please pray and hope that I recover from the trauma that he put me through.
When I first met him 35 years ago he told me he was married with an explanation! Turns out what that means is that she wasn't being and doing everything he wanted her to do/be, so he was entitled to cheat. He firmly believed this and did not think he was wrong. Narcissists are never wrong!
I think Narcissists use marriage to "destroy" their supply! 1. Love Bomb, then marry the supply! 2.The supply is 100% trusting! 3.There is 24/7 "access" to the supply. 4.The supply is "locked in" for long term abuse! 5. The "stigma" of divorce makes it harder for the supply to get away! The movie: "Sleeping with the Enemy" - with Julia Roberts
Yes but just to clarify, the "supply" is not a person it's the way a person "feeds" them. Never define yourself as the "supply". Instead choose to "starve" them with SILENCE from the first date then a narcissist will discard you for the RIGHT reason.
Narcissists enter marriage to use it as a cover for the life they want to truly live . The wife always ends up being the doormat and blamed for everything wrong in their life. I turned the tables on my narcissist by agreeing with him on everything negative he said about me. My question to him was what are you still doing here with me? Agreeing with them stops the push and pull tactic and puts the spotlight on them? Never chase, agree and move on emotionally before you leave physically.
Mine said in response to the question why are you still here if I am such a liability. His response I have to stay because I have to do everything for you because you are so hopeless.
OMG, I keep watching, and this woman is describing my life. Once we have a baby, he will spend more time with me. No? Ok, once the baby is older, he will spend more time with us. No? Ok, once we move to California, once the house is finished, once the second baby comes, once both children are able to communicate, once he can relate to them, NO. It was always just out of my reach. And he still thought he was everything a woman could ever dream of. :)
Exactly. My life in a paragraph. Now after 40 years his behavior is even more entrenched, more distilled. At least my child is an adult (recently she told me she didn’t think her dad really cared about her at all). I’ve known he didn’t care about me but he’s always put on a good show with her usually getting her to side with him re: me. (I’m not capable of driving a car...to which she agreed, enough that I stopped the car & got out to let her drive). This past year I learned the vocabulary re: why I’ve been diminished, discarded, demeaned my entire married life. After crying a lot this year & getting it out of my system I now refuse to care or acknowledge his behavior. He’s always said things to provoke me. No longer. I refuse to play the game. I’ve basically always lived alone (he goes on vacation & takes trips with his buds, I’m home alone) so nothing has really changed. We inhabit the same residence.
You feel you are living a fairy tale, until it turns into the worst nightmare. I was never his wife, I felt like a maid, exploited worker, never respected, always ignored, used, lowered and with no ability to be heard. The most frustrating part is how they expect you to remain "cool" about the fact that they are cheating, lying, living their single life while being married. You have to be still perfect and never complain.
@Lawn Mower First marriage was this way my second marriage too. I felt stupid when I figured out why a Narcissist picked me. They want to be you, they have no emotion or empathy so they mimic. Need this narcy to leave but am cautious, he has threatened to kill me. He is just a big coward.
Hope u hold onto that as you heal. I remember praying he would just leave because it would be so much easier than the pain of having to cut him out of my life. It would have been a mercy
I felt sudden released from the burden put on my shoulder right after he get married to his ex w/o gave me closure & promised to marry me the whole 3 yrs relationship. All the future faking, cheating, depression, always broke, silent trmt etc were very overwhelmed and drained our energy
I told my ×-vamprie whew I'm GLAD you left... Next thing while rebuilding myself, I noted her stalking me... Doing drive-bys late @ night... During the day using our child as a pawn... But your the one who left... Conclusion: that experience was a lesson... Not a blessing... It taught me a major lesson on ppl & mostly myself... 👀
Yes! I kept feeling like a beard in some way. I was begging for intimacy. He looked at me with contempt. I didn’t know what narcissism was. Thank you for making these videos. I had been abused as a child and never told anyone once I dealt with that it was like a veil lifted and I could see what I married. The more I tried to talk to my husband a grown man the more he would rage at me. Now that I got out of the marriage I can more clearly see what was happening.
@@decorativedeluxeHey darling, can you please explain what do you mean by feeling like a "beard" in your comment above? Is it a phrase, an idiom? Sorry, I don't know, English is not my first language.
I was married to a narcassist for 28yrs, after a 4yr courtship. Unfortunately, it was all about my career & financial success. Ultimately, she discarded me, went my income plateaued, & I had self-medicated into an alcoholic. It has taken me over 20yrs to dig myself out of that emotional & financial mess. I enjoy your videos tremendously & always hope that your work helps countless others avoid my trials. Meanwhile, you have become an integral part of my ongoing recovery & life progress, along with AA, CoDA & my therapist. Life is good today. I have regained financial security & have fostered strong relationships with my children & grandchildren, as well as many others. What I do have to continually strive for is the maintenance of that life balance. Gratitude & humility keep me on that path. Please continue your significant efforts & work!
So true I have a couple in my family like this. The wife is narc and husband an empath. I think he realises this but is very patient and loves her so much, he’s willing to bear it.
Thank you for explaining this. I spent 20 years in a marriage with someone who treated me like dirt and I just couldn’t understand why he ever asked me to marry him if he was going to hurt me, cheat then discard me. Thank you for shedding light on what has been a very dark place in my mind. I wish I had words to describe how much it means to me.
Marriage is just a social license for these individuals to use( maid, sex partner, a cook, trophy partner), abuse( blame shift, project their insecurities, manipulate) and finally discard( if they find the next replacement to start all over again) !
This sounds like bosses who hire and fire people on a whim after using them to generate money while they sit on their comfortable chair and make the big decisions to maximise productivity, results and personal profit. Marriage is like a business to narcissists, nothing personal, merely a method for them to enter a contract to meet their needs and maximise personal gain. You are an interchangeable object who can easily be discarded and replaced.
Funny to hear you put it that way. When my ex left, my eldest son said that everything about his father was like a business transaction which is why he treats people as being disposable. At the time, it made me cringe, but now I’m happy to see that his own children have learnt to keep a distance from their toxic father.
Remember that they portray themselves as archangel to people on the outside but for us on the inside,we are the targets, the ones to who they show their true colors.
When I divorced my narcissistic ex, I gave him every single thing that we had monetarily and took on all of our debt. The only thing I asked for was specific days to have our kids (which were days he wanted to party anyway). Its how I survived the divorce process. I think taking on our debt was cheaper than fighting him in court.
Smoke and mirrors. That’s all it is. They can never provide a healthy relationship. They want the appearance, but they ALWAYS have one foot out the door. Always!
My narc married me so I could serve him and he could stay a toddler forever, letting me taking care of all responsibilities within the household. Now that I left he’s paying someone to do my work after he said he was going to do it himself. During these 7 years of marriage I became a workhorse. I am emptied and broken. The day I left him, my body stopped hurting and my hands stopped falling asleep and numb at night.
The narcissist's need for marriage is a trophy for social validation, along the lines of membership at the right country club, sports car, buff body and being admired.
I feel so sorry for the woman that married my ex. She's probably a good woman that had no idea what she was marrying. She's his third wife. I won't date a man that's been divorced more than once and now I can spot a narcissist on the first or second date.
I tried reaching out to my ex’s fiancé on her RU-vid channel to warn her about the abuse he inflicted on me. She responded by blocking me. They are now married with a baby and I don’t feel sorry for her and the choices she made. She deserved all the misery she signed up for.
I was my husband's 2nd wife/ex wife... And I made the same rule!!!!! A first divorce was understandable... It was believable that his first ex was crazy... But if someone can't learn from and heal from their traumas between a first and second marriage... Clearer still, if someone can't take their time discerning between a first and second marriage, causing that 2nd marriage to end too... Then they are likely a type B personality and I don't need that shit!
@@harleyquinn5774 remember that she is just as much victim as you were and you should pity her because she is about to have it worse than you now. Remember the narcissist probably lied to her and said you were the crazy ex obsessed with him and she is too blinded by his love bombing to even see the truth. When chit hits the fan she may reach out to you or not.
In my experience when I finally started having self respecting boundaries and he came to understand I was not playing by his rules anymore, he found a girlfriend and after a cheating year, finally left. We were married almost 30 years. He kept being horrid, wanting me to be miserable enough to leave- but I pressed into the Lord and my support system and did not leave. I practiced something I called loving detachment which I now see is “grey rock”. I didn’t know anything about narcissists until after my divorce. Everything I have seen in these videos is spot on. I’m still healing but so glad to have the affirmation Dr. Ramani provides. It is all making sense now.. and I feel more confident than ever. Thank you for this safe place to learn and process!!
Your experience sounds like mine. Mine died a year ago after 45 years of marriage. Not until he was gone, did I become familiar with narcissism and grey rock. But, I detached in our final years. This is a time of healing and understanding for me.
My ex was a weakling and could not divorce me. I went through hell in the divorce. He split our children by "leaving me" our daughter and "taking" our sons. My children are now 30 to 38 and they are finally seeing the truth of their father because I have never bad mouthed him to them. I took the high road, paid child support and moved on. I am a whole/happy person 16 years later.
That’s your preference and it’s fine.... but it has nothing to do with narcissism.... there are a lot of folks who married that are not narcs and are intelligent.....
I lived 34 years and constantly lived if we have kids it will get better, when they move out it will get better. When he retires it will get better. It never did. I left.
@Corina..SAME (34 years) exact scenario...waiting ..editing ‘life passages’ in vain for a protracted change and growth. Not apparent. nor happening up until now, Absolutely petrified at the reality of his imminent retirement in two years. I hope to find your courage and start exit plans in earnest,,You are my “spirit animal” along with Dr. Romani!!
I’m 23 years into my relationship and slowly starting to realize how blind I was to the emotional abuse...I see it not getting better but worse also & at the end of my rope!
Marcie Fiedler It will be 24 years for on 8/10/2020. Left on two separate occasions, but came back due to the "Love Bombing" and my religious convictions. Now that I've been on therapy, and studied the word it relates to Gods view on Narcissism, and how it's impossible for these people to honor their Vows, or you, I'm free to leave, and never look back. I've been preparing for 3 years now, and my breakthrough came forth 2 weeks ago. Moving out w/out him knowing in 2 weeks. Game over. Headed to my peace. Game over. This kind of demon will slowly kill you. Get out! 🙏🙏🙏
This felt very real for me. When you said what worst than being married to a narcissist is divorcing one. 🤣 Laughing inside because it's TRUE. Exactly what you said, it will be better with a kid/money/in the future. For years I played a game with myself, I would stay for one more year and then see if it's not better. It was SO HARD, and I did it! I am now happily engaged to a wonderful, caring, loving man.❤️❤️❤️ If you're there, you can do this! You can get through it. It is scary, and difficult, and you can do it and it will get better!
11:30 But a narc marriage turns your world upside and tests your faith in LOVE and ... and can do a real number on your mental health “JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE WANTS TO MARRY YOU DOESN’T MEAN ITS A GOOD IDEA !! “this should be on a t-shirt!!!
If you raise your children well they will not accept any mistreating in relationships. It is usually the scapegoats or golden children to attract and marry a narc. When you know your value you will not let anybody invalidate you. So not just tell them not to marry a narc but teach them that they are valuable and ok the way they are and if somebody wants to change them than it is not the right person for a relationship.
@Irina Ivanova so you agreed that you were not raised well. You got limited information about relationships and your role in it. :-) "My mom only taught me what boys like in a girl." That is very bad approach: A) Your mom does not know what boys like in girls B) it should be about you and how to be happy in relationship, how to find a good guy
@Irina Ivanova many narcissists are wolves in sheep skin, it takes a very strong young adult to be able to notice red-flags and able to withstand hidden psychological abuse! Thanks for sharing your story!
This is something I missed about my ex 30 years. First, I was extremely gorgeous when I was younger. Then, he said something that made my think. It’s now only making sense. He said he thought that I would be a good business type partner for him.
Not me...my ex and I were still married when his secret double life caught him charges. He will be in prison til the day he dies for violating another woman and taking her life during a narc rage. I am for all intensive purposes a widow with an exhusband who is a dead man walking. I am sorry for her, but glad that he is locked up and totally powerless.
I totally agree, with you! The light just came on for me, in the last year or so! Of course, in the beginning I never thought of him being a narcissist. But my eyes are wide open now! And it, sucks!
I never thought I would become a "cautionary tale", but let me add to this thread, we are 100% better off alone than in a relationship with a narcissist! The confusion, the sadness, the loneliness is beyond anything I experienced when I was on my own. If you have issues, work them out with a therapist, not in an abusive relationship.
Dear Dr. Ramani 💎👑🌷 Every time I feel I loose my strength and my shields weaken, I come here to this video to get my mind fixed. You save me every time!!!. Thank God for you. Thank you 🙌💗💕💞💓💃✌
Dr Ramani, you are correct! The easiest way out is to let them discard YOU and thereby avoid the rage, loss of control, and greed for ALL of the acquired assets. It is literally dodging a bullet!
The typical red flag: The positive times with a narcissist can be reduced to the inicial phase of relationship. Because narcissists are excessivly lovely and cute people at the start and get real demons later on, when you do not function the way they want.
They have their demons at the start with the motives to kill steal and destroy you by any means necessary. They hide their real self short term until they feel they've have you in the palm of their hand to crush you. Steal the life right out of you and destroy you.
I decided to have a little freak out, to see if the love was real. I was sick of him talking to me like a child or as though he'd just met me on Tinder (after two years of dating - I felt like he was still keeping me at arm's length and I wasn't in his heart truly - No true intimacy) and as I was at a point in my life I needed true emotional support I wanted to see if he would reach out and do this and stop calling me sweetoe for once, and like really be there, you know? So I showed more authentic expression of myself about where I was at in life, not about us, but just my feelings and personal thoughts about the world, and then....! That marked the end really, it was finally over. Reasons? He said he'd never seen me angry before and it freaked him out. But in a real relationship right, you stick it out? And he wanted me to move countries, etc. And he was not interested in knowing about my feeling or insecuritites - It was like, 'done'for him. It was like he never contacted me hardly after that. So much love bombing? until that moment. Because I thought, I need to see if he'll really be there for me, so I'm going to stop acting as it's unhealthy to feel so seperated in a relationship, I want to feel like 'one'with him. And he was so not interested! I've known him for half of my life. Now I'm back to single again and feeling damaged. And he went back to his ex! Again! Yes, I gave him a second chance. 💔
And the truly diabolical ones are so expertly subtle and just chip away at you little by little. And when you leave act surprised, like they are awesome and you are just evil and try to convince everyone else you are too. Glad to say my step kids caught on and love me all the more.
....and a woman narcissist wants a maintenence man.....someone to serve them and take them out to dinner or buy them jewlery.....take them on a cruz and carry the bags and of course....income.
Absolutely right Jessie Dixon. Add one more to the list. They also get married to get sex for free. My ex treated me like one . And even after I filed for divorce he would say that you are legally still my wife and thus I have a right to have sex with you anytime I want. It was very disrespectful for me.
I had a hell fest of a divorce, I was blind sighted by his affair and he used the new girlfriends money to fight me in court for everything, and to pay as little as possible for child support. Why? because they are entitled A#sholes with community property assets you both earned. In my experience and after seeing 4 judges at different court dates only 50% of the time did the court help me and my sons and do the right thing, especially for them. Your right doctor, that was 2012 and the court system really does need to understand these NPD’s. As bad as that was, after that I got therapy, survived and had a much better life in so many ways. It wasn’t problem free, but it steadily improved in the most meaningful ways and I am stronger and grateful these days.
Brilliant video. I almost married a covert. But I woke up and realized that she didn’t know what she wanted and that I was the one assuming that we both wanted commitment, intimacy, loyalty, etc. and so when she broke (she was just testing me), I took it and ran with it. Thank God! I am free and I’ve been healing from those 8 years of cognitive dissonance. Damn! 🤦🏾♂️
My narcissistic ex wife told me "I didn't even like you when I married you". You can bet that statement was the truth. One of the rare moments when a narcissist is honest. Upon hearing those words, all was clear. Serious pathology problems present, avoid this person as "they don't live in reality". The reality of it was she pretended to be something else, but couldn't maintain the false persona. When I exposed her, she changed. Reverted to her narcissistic self. Suddenly a clear and present danger emerges. These people are fundamentally insane. Avoid them. Throw them away.
Thank you. Keep saying they are fundamentally insane so it becomes my mantra. I'm sorry you went through this. I'm close to my exit. Thankfully he lied about wanting to marry me.
This describes my marriage. My husband pursued me relentlessly. The moment we got married, he put me on a shelf and went back to his life. This is a non-marriage that I’m living. A non-relationship. I am here to serve him and make his life a little more comfortable. But there is no relationship whatsoever. After 20 years, I’m done.
C J sounds like my fist marriage The day after our marriage he blew up on the freeway on our honeymoon and kicked me out of the car alone on the freeway with no moeny no phone. Nothing. He just left me emotionally after the ceremony.
I agree with everything you say. My spouse literally gets mad if I complain and gets mad if I don't. Iv never benefited from my marriage not once have I had my needs met . It's sad 😔 I'm trying to get out mentally and spiritually
Run and don't look back!The narcissist is not marriage material. I lived it, it was hell on earth. You usually see the red flag's within a 3 month period. Btw I ignored all the 🚩🚩🚩 lol. Gaurd you'r ❤'s. Get to know the person well before you give them you'r heart. Thank you Dr. Ramani all you'r video's are just so unbelievably amazing. God Bless you for being such a Blessing and help to other's. I believe we have a pandemic of narcissism in America. It's very sad and beyond disturbing. People just don't care anymore. 😔
Right not marriage material I remember him telling me that his not . So I kept that in mind, ppl asked 23 years why y’all didn’t get married. My reply marry for what ! He doesn’t want to provide , want to use and list goes on and on. It’s been eight months no contact already engage with a new supply gave her my old ring . Lol 😝 smh
It’s really important for us to know that, like you said, that fight in court will be like nothing you have ever seen. The bloodiest cage fight you could imagine.
I left mine after 21 years of marriage. It took a domestic violence incident that made me finally snap. Separated in June 2016, Divorced in September 2017. He remarried in April 2018. They were together for who knows how long before the separation.
They get married to have a cook to cook their meals, to have children so that they can say they have children, so that they have people to look after them in old age.
Unfortunately, a lot of times its too late when you realize who you have dedicated your life to.. In fact, they master the art of making you believe that you are the problem (or even the narcissist in the relationship)
I was 64 before I realised that he was a narc ... I felt bad because I thought it was my fault he was like this. It's too late for me but I beg anyone in the same situation to get out now and never look back
@@lynneparker4136 do you have any advice on how to get out of a marriage? I’ve been married for 23 years I still have kids at home I don’t make enough money to support us and I would lose our house without his income? I don’t know what to do I can’t afford an attorney but I also don’t want to be married anyone everyday is just a nightmare
I am married for 22 years, and only by this year that I confirmed that I married a narcissist. By watching your videos, understanding about narcissist, it liberates me for all the sufferings and questions I have had all this while. TQ, Dr Ramani.
I was a court reporter for the state of California, counties of Los Angeles in San Luis Obispo, for 30 years, and your comment about judges being blind to narcissism is so right on. I was the family law court reporter at the end of my career for a few years, educational to say the least. You are seriously fantastic
I was engaged to a narcissist and luckily we didn’t have the money to get married. For him it was a big wedding with 500 guests or nothing. That grandiosity spared me and I got out before he had his windfall. For once a lack of money was a gift from heaven.
They do only what pleases them, making a big show of it, and leaving you responsible for everything else. Even worse, they will sabotage what you do to keep things neat and orderly. Worse still, you become overwhelmed, give up, and turn into a slob like them. It's like living with a perpetual 14 year old.
Thank you Dr. Ramani. I allowed myself to laugh when you spoke about the events that would “change” the narcissist. Nope. Nada. Nothing. Ever. Marriage and kids did not stop his need for side partners and a second family. It did allow him to vent his anger onto his family, with rage and violence. I made one helluva good punching bag. And yet, he’s such a giving professional man. Really IN the community.
Losing a Narcissist in a friendship is one of the best things that ever happened to me. They literally thought they discarded me until they discovered I was happy 😆 Lol they tried to backtrack, however I was HAPPILY EVER AFTER DONE!!!!
After learning about NPD. Take some time to discover who you are. Be still and find that inner child hidden inside you. Narcissists marry for the fantasy, control and admiration . A lot of people are too scared to be alone so they settle. We all desire a fairytale but to be frank it doesn’t exist.
Doctor Ramani you are the best! I am now narcissist free, recovering from 67 years of banging my head against the brick wall of striving to have close loving relationships with narcissists (1 mother, 2 spouses and 1 business partner). I had no idea what was going on, until a friend referred me to your channel. I just found out my ex is getting married to the perfect partner, of course. I headed straight for your videos, to help me process this information. I feel much better now. How can I forgive myself and learn to love myself for the first time?
I married a narc...happy for a few months, then she just decided one day to move out and then a few months later caught her cheating Fast forward...I HATE HER! She destroyed and ruined what I longed for in my 1st marriage...love and happiness, and a future! Now I hope she has a hard life and stays tangled in the evil she is
“Commodity.” Even before I knew what narcissism was, I felt I was a commodity to my husband. The worst part about it was at the end of the 20+ year relationship, I had started to think of myself as a commodity and one that was particularly lacking. A narcissist is very rough on a person’s self concept.
How were you able to quit? I am really happy for you that you stopped taking abuse you didn’t deserve. Also, I seem to have found myself in a strangely similar play...
I am the woman who got away and every day I feel so bad about not being the one chosen by the narcissist to get married or have children. And I know exactly why I wasn’t chosen this because I fought back and stood up for my boundaries. This video reminded me that I’m the lucky one and I like how she went over each and every scenario.
Yeah, when a narc discards you or you discard them, you will feel like you made a huge mistake, maybe even for years and even more if you see them jumping into a relationship or marriage soon after you break up, but you have to realize you were strong enough and lucky enough to get out. If they ever get into anything long term after you, you should feel sorry for that person because, as much as our brains will tell us and as much as they may post all the "good" moments in their new relationship, the new supply was/is too deep to get out. The narc hasn't changed at all.
My ex his daughter hated him he would talk about how much he spent on her college education. He woild curse out his out his son and scar their relationship too but his son loved him anyway. He would threaten to harm him 😔 Also red 🚩 for me also should have been how he would talk poorly about how much he hated his ex-wife he would constantly talk about her called her all kind of horrible names and constantly t as talk about that $250k house he'd bought HER but he lived there too with his two kids. I dont get it SMH. Alas. If anyone was in a bind they all called DAD for $. In our relationship he never gave me any $ . Even when I needed something I'd never ask him . If just borrow from a friend. Yeah. He was def a narcissists...
My narc ex-husband's mistress turned fiancee has been too busy firing shots at me to pay attention to what she is "really" getting....pulling up a 💺, grabbing 🍿, and watching the 🎪
My narcissist revealed himself to me on our wedding night! Being very young and inexperienced I kept telling myself it must be a mistake it will get better. I stopped telling myself that after 30 years and have just given up the last 15. I am dead inside, I just go through the motions of living. Run don’t walk away from these monsters!
As someone who has been in a dead-end marriage with a narcissist for 11+ years, I am shocked by the revelations in this video. EVERY SINGLE WORD OF IT IS TRUE. EVERY SINGLE WORD. Thank you, Dr. Ramani... You will never know the very real difference you have made in my life and mental health. Thank you.
Oh, she is divorcing me. (Discarding). My Christian Faith has been tested and still is. God hates divorce. I know I love her. Deeply. Im not seeking another relationship after this. Im just going to focus on our son.
@@phantom00545 God does not "hate" divorce. In fact, the Christian Bible outlines very clearly the legitimate reasons either spouse should seek to divorce themselves from an unfaithful or abusive partner. If you can find one, I highly recommend finding a DivorceCare class near you, you can look up a location near you online at their Website by doing a simple Google search. It has helped me IMMENSELY in my separation from my Narcissist husband.
They get married to have a sort of level in society as marriage automatically makes you a more sensible responsible person in others people eyes...But inside the home they absolutely horrible through tantrums , anger all negative things. Personally have suffered the irresponsible he was for our children no sense of parenting ...
