Narcissism and Infidelity: Why do narcissists cheat & how do they get away with it? 

The ironic thing is they don't want someone cheating on them but they have no problem, no guilt or remorse when they cheat on you.

Narcississ have: "A lack of empathy and a lack of self reflective capacity. " boom. So true!

Soul-destroying. Everything was always my fault. It started off as emotional abuse, then very quickly escalated to physical. I never believed that it could escalate with him. I was often told that it eventually would. I naively put that down to 'people being dramatic'. He would hit/shove my head, kick me, grab my neck, push me and drag me around the room. I can assure you - it does lead to physical violence. If you allow someone to treat you this way, it will escalate. This is just a stepping stone. They have no boundaries and no remorse. I wish I had listened to those who had warned me before. I was often told that I was weak. Stupid. A freak. Disgusting. A disgrace. An embarrassment. A piece of shit. A bad human being. That I didn't belong in this world. He told me that he wished I would find someone else, who would 'screw me over big time'. He also wished that I would end up being alone and miserable...because that is what I deserved for treating HIM so badly. He would never take responsibility for anything. He worked 2 days a week. I worked full-time. I cooked, cleaned, did the washing etc. He would watch TV and play video games. If I was to ask for the slightest bit of help, it would turn into a full blown argument. If the TV, his cell phone or anything entertainment related wouldn't work properly, he would explode in a full blown rage. TV remote being propelled across the room, arm chairs being flipped over, cursing continuously. It would terrify me. I was walking on eggshells. I felt that at any moment he could explode for any trivial reason. I was always told to do better. He would call me useless and stupid whenever I did something that didn't meet his standards. I used to ask him to stop because it hurt me. He would always respond with "once you do better, the criticism will stop." I worked so hard to improve everything I did - cooking, cleaning, my clothes, my make up, my hair, doing the chores quickly, running errands, taking care of his son, paying the bills, being the best girlfriend I could be. And guess what? The criticism didn't stop. He told me that I deserved what I got. I deserved the violence because I made him so angry. And because it was my fault that I made him so angry, the violence was acceptable. In a lot of domestic abuse articles, you will see the phrase "I wouldn't have hit you if you didn't do....". If I had a $ for every single time he used that line, I would be a millionaire. He would accuse me of being the abuser. He showed no empathy. I fractured my arm whilst moving house. He entered the room, I asked for his help, and he said "you are so dramatic. I f'ing hate you when you are like that." And then he left the room. He did not ask once if I was okay. I often read that a lot of abusive partners apologise and promise to never behave that way again. In my case, he NEVER apologised. And genuinely, I mean never. I would beg for an apology...and even then, he would refuse. I used to beg him to apologise for all of the hurtful things he said and did to me. He never did. He used to threaten to leave at any opportunity. He would threaten me too. What is my situation now? I discovered that he was cheating on me. And I can honestly say, I truly believe that that moment was my saving grace. I knew i should have left a long time ago. Many people asked me why I didn't leave sooner. Because i was scared. He had convinced me that I was useless and worthless. But when i found proof that he was cheating, I knew that that was the golden ticket. It was time for me to love myself. And if you find yourself in the same situation, I beg of you to find the strength to leave. The love you have been looking for has been inside of you all along. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at MetaspyClubLLC@gmail. com, where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........

My narcissistic ex always said how he hates cheaters and liars and how he would never do something like that. And I used to believe his every word. So when I found out I was so shocked. But that actually gave me strength to leave him, so I’m grateful he did, now I’m finally free

Yes, he cheated on me. And he blamed me for it. "If only you would shut up everything would be fine." So I shut up. But I became a person I couldn't recognize - the trust was gone and I was like a detective spying on him. After the breakup, I looked back and couldn't recognize that person - it wasn't me, I became someone I wasn't, someone I didn't like. It took a toll on my mental health, definitely. Now I know that when the trust is gone, the relationship is over.

If they don't cheat sexually, they do emotionally, even if it's just a triangulation move.

Even if they aren't "cheating" they are sneaking around. Keeping relationships secret from partner (the bad mommy trying to cramp their style).

Mine not only cheated, he left me in the middle of cancer treatment and secretly married someone else without even saying goodbye. Looking back, I see just how duplicitous he has always been, but this behavior traumatized me. It took me over a year to even process what had happened and your videos helped me get through. So thank you. Feeling like you're not alone, crazy or that there is nothing wrong with you is essential to even begin to move on.

Unfortunately, infidelity tends to go hand in hand with narcissism. Especially, somatic narcissism. Narcissists believe EVERYTHING they need is external, including self-worth, self-esteem, validation, etc. Those things are what make up our inner world and we are supposed to develop and cultivate them within/on our own. Narcissists DEPEND on people to supply those things for them. Because we cannot (nor, are we supposed to) supply every want/need of a partner, narcissists are always on the lookout for "better supply". They will always gravitate toward anyone they feel can meet the needs/wants their spouse isn't (and can't). Narcissists are unstable and they cannot soothe themselves. They cannot meet their own needs and their needs/wants are constantly changing. Narcissists are black holes. They are human abyss' of unmet needs/wants. Even if you gave them everything, they'd still want MORE... All while giving NOTHING in return. Narcissists are also pathologically bored. They do not experience boredom the way normal adults do. They're like children. Once they become bored, they tend to throw their toys (people) in a corner to collect dust. Then, they search for new ones... Untilllll, they realize that their newest toy isn't as fun. Or, it doesn't function as well as the old toy did. Then, they'll go digging in the corner to find that old toy (the reason their relationships tend to be off and on). People are objects meant to keep them occupied and entertained. The newer the toy, the better/more exciting it is. However, EVERYONE will inevitably lose their shine with the narcissist. You must accept their reality and realize that it's NOT ABOUT YOU and it never was. This is also the point when it becomes crucial to sit your ego on the curb. Your ego will want to fight to be seen. Your ego will want to fight to prove you're enough. Your ego will feel it's "worthy" of the narcissist and fight to "keep" them... But, again: IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Most narcissists are extremely irresponsible. Many of them marry to secure stability. Or, to have someone they can count on to help with bills to free up their resources. It also ensures they'll have somewhere safe to land when they fall - because they always f*** up... Do yourself a favor and pull that rug of security out from under them and save YOURSELF. Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They do not respect the union of marriage. It'll always be a one-sided arrangement with you being the giver that's making their life easier and them being the taker that's making your life harder. We deserve the same love, attention, support and understanding that we give our spouses. You will never get it from someone suffering with NPD. Moreover, if you feel sure that your husband might never cheat on you, you might have to rethink. Most wives in marriages are shocked when they find out their husband cheating, and it happens more with people who never thought they would cheat. This is why you have to take the tiniest suspicion carefully. If your husband is cheating on you, the best and probably the only guaranteed way to catch him is to spy on their phones. However, spying on a phone is not something you can do without any external help unless you have the James bond level of spy skills. In such case you will need an expert phone spyier Metaspyhub@gmail. com for the purpose,,,

Or when they cheat, they call you crazy or delusional.

As a person and professional you couldn't get any better than *Future Imperative Corps* Brandon is a very reliable person and an excellent professional in the IT field. He is the type of person you want to work that's passionate, hardworking and knowledgeable. You’re The Best 100%

I'm very honored by how you effortlessly completed the task and getting back my account *Future Imperative Corps* . Thank you for persevering through the difficulties and presenting a worthy result. I can hardly convey how much I grateful for your effort, I'm so grateful for your assistance and diligence.

Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!

It's amazing what you do *Future Imperative Corps* We need a lot of people with your skills and set who have good intentions and spread love to the world. We need to show the word that good will always defeat evil. Thanks for recovering my lost account 💝

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

No matter how big the crown may get, you with your amazing skills and dedication towards your work will stand out anyways. Great times lie ahead for you *Future Imperative Corps* , of that we are very sure. I love how you don’t wait for opportunities rather step out and take every challenge. No wonder you are a winner. Thank you for recovering my account. Really appreciate your enthusiasm.

My page recovery would never be successful without your support and hard work. I feel blessed to work with such an incredible and talented person like you *Coherent Recovery* . I knew that you could do this. Keep up your excellent work in the future. You are a perfect example of a good, dedicated person

If a narcissist is happy, there's a reason. I found myself learning this the hard way.

There is no doubt that you will rise fast at the apex of your career *coherentrecovery* . Because you are a very intelligent, smart, hard worker and your work ethic par excellence. Keep going People like you take the IM out of IMpossible by becoming PRO at tackling PROblems. You Rock!

Honestly, owning it and not trying to hide it is a partially why I watch you. It's the honorable thing to do and it make the rest of jobs much more believe when you are call out of the spots like that, so thank you *Future Imperative Corps* for recovering my account.

Talent means nothing, while experience, acquired in humility and with hard work, means everything. Thank you for your excellent work! *Coherent Recovery* Many people wait for opportunities to come and knock on their door. Only a few people like you step out to look for them. No wonder you are a winner. Well done and heartfelt thanks to you for getting me access back into my account

You consistently bring your all and I truly appreciate that *Coherent Recovery* . Thank you for making the corporate life so smooth. Proud to have you work for me. Great work as always.This is the beginning of many more good things to come. May you get everything, that you could demand. Best wishes in all you do and congrat to me as well, job well done!

Yes. The Narcissist in my life cheated on me numerous times- and he also cheated on his mistress. He told me that never once did he think about how any of it would effect me or our children. He’s also very impulsive. He’s a master of manipulating and mirroring; he lies as easily as most people breath. He was emotionally and mentally abused toward me and our children. He has since been diagnosed as a sex addict. He told me he never viewed any of his partners as anything more than an object- even though he promises everyone the world to get what he wants. He plays many characters to fill the role of the person he’s targeting.

Not all heroes wear capes. Dr Ramani you're a real lifesaver.

I view the concept of ‘emotional cheating' as a harmful idea, arising from unfair expectations and a failure to properly communicate on both sides. Suppose you are in a committed monogamous relationship, and you make a new friend. You enjoy their company, and gradually get closer, as friends do. Then one day, you find yourself thinking about them and their smile and you feel warm and fuzzy - and then you realise: you have developed romantic feelings for them. Now, suppose you have been taught to believe that feeling attracted to someone else is bad. You believe - and you know your partner does too - that if someone ‘really' loves their partner this won't happen. Oh no! This is terrible. You are so full of guilt and shame. Worst of all, you can't talk to your partner about your feelings - what if they leave you? You are confused. You're in the grip of hormones and you never learned how to deal with it. You know you're still in love with your partner, so this can't be what you fear it is. Right? So that means you can just be friends. As long as you're not having sex, you're not breaking the rules. Except that you never really discussed the rules; you just assumed you would know, and this would never come up. And in the meanwhile, you still can't talk to your partner. This is when things really fall apart. Now, somehow, you're hiding things. You've got this big thing going on that you can't mention. You get distant. Your partner knows something is wrong. Your relationship suffers. Then they find out that you've been talking to someone behind their back and saying things they know indicate romantic interest. They know something is wrong, and they know it's to do with this. But wait! You've not slept with them, so what actually have you done? You had feelings, so maybe it's the feelings that are bad? But that doesn't count as cheating. They need a new word. Let's call it emotional cheating. Now consider a different scenario. You realise you have developed romamtic feelings on a friend. That's surprising, but you know it's always ok to think and feel things; what matters is what you do about it. You and your partner have a relationship based on trust and honesty. So you talk to them about it. Your partner doesn't mind; it's nice that you can talk about it together. They know it's not a threat to what you have. Perhaps they ask you for reassurance that you definitely do still love them and won't leave them. You're happy to provide. You already have a clear idea on the limits you have agreed to in your relationship. Maybe you know that in addition to sexual contact, you must not present socially as a couple with someone else, or make life decisions with them. You know that you and your partner have agreed to always inform each other about where you're going and who with. You talk it over and confirm your rules. You take the opportunity to check in about your relationship. Maybe you use your current cool brain chemistry to add some spice and go on more dates. Now it's up to you to stick to those rules. You need to manage your own emotions. Do whatever you need to do to deal with those limits. Maybe you decide that you would rather back off and spend less time with your friend for a while until it stops hurting so much. Or maybe you prefer to hang out, appreciate this awesome person and enjoy the friendship you are able to offer to them. Additionally, the pain I felt when Metaspy handed me the proof of my partner's betrayal is indescribable. I believed our relationship held a special significance, only to discover it was a deceptive front. Through their expert investigation, an intricate network of deceit and emotional manipulation was unraveled, leaving me with a profound sense of emptiness and emotional fracture. Though the journey to healing has been protracted, I am confident in my path to recovery, thanks to Metaspy's unwavering dedication to revealing the truth. If you suspect your partner is hiding something or find yourself drowning in a toxic relationship, do not hesitate to connect with Metaspy at Metaspyhub@gmail. com. They will support you in facing reality and embarking on the journey toward healing, no matter how painful it may be.

I live in a society where most men feel that they are entitled to cheat. Its sickening 😪

This topic makes me physically sick based on my past with narcissists. Never again!! It's not worth your energy or your precious life.

Not going to lie, but we are actually really proud to have an employee like you as part of our team. The job is done so gracefully and neatly. Very well done, dear *Future Imperative Corps* . First of all. Thank you for making the work environment so friendly and taking your responsibility seriously and completing the work gracefully! You deserve so much.

Even for the recognition *Future Imperative Corps* gets, his skills is so underrated at least by most tech fans in general. I mean I get that there is stamina and all that involved in things like he does but being able to stand so far away and have the ability get the information needed with high speed as expected to hit it perfectly with a paddle just over the net is extremely impressive.

Covert narcissist sustaining an emotional texting liaison with his ex gf behind my back even though she was “crazy”. Texting her our photos to taunt her which served to make her jealous and provide supply for his ego. Got into his phone which I decided to check since I suspected something was off. Dumped him immediately and went no contact. But it’s not easy moving forward. In therapy and I am myself a therapist.

When I first met my husband he presented himself as a true Mr. Nice Guy, sweet, honest, emotionally stable and faithful man. But everything turned out to be different, he cheated on me when our daughter was just a baby, I got a VD, which indicated he did not use protection either. Where was that wholesome guy that was supposed to have high moral values ? Amazingly, he always said he had not done anything and that he didn't understand why that happened to me, talking about gaslighting. I remember I said, sure I got it from hugging the cat. It devasted me because I had never been around, I was a virgin when I met him, it was something that should had never happened to me.

Married 30 years and been cheated on for 30 years. They don't change...but you do.

You are absolutely correct! You CAN tell the difference between being cheated on by a narcissist and a non-narcissist. I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing both, but when it happened with the non he was very contrite and apologetic and we went to therapy and it didn't happen again. With the narcissist, there was zero apology, no therapy, and it happened five more times.

Him cheating made it HARDER for me because it triggered my abandonment wound so badly that all I could think about was keeping him so the other woman couldn't have him. He would cut them off, "be good" for a while and do it again. And of course it was always somehow my fault

When I was young and dating, I always warned a partner if they ever cheated, I would not be able to forgive them, even if I might want to. I know myself. When trust has been broken once I will never trust them again.

We teach our intimate partners how they treat us by sticking to zero tolerance for unacceptable behavior. When we trade our authenticity for our attachment need, we abandon ourselves and our self esteem erodes. The person we must be most loyal to is ourselves.

Omg i was married to that for 12 years.Divorced now.He discarded me.He told me i did not pay enough attention to him.I could write a book on the stuff he did.

“ my “ narc is often projecting that I am cheating or will cheat. I think it’s projection and in a way unconsciously telling me who she is.

“Your partner is going to cheat again and your relationship will remain invalidating. There you go… I just saved you $4K.” Thank you Dr. Ramani!

I think after being married for years you realize the lack of depth and abuse and pull away emotionally from your spouse !! They cheat , but sad thing is they will never experience the true love and admiration between two people who truely love each other!

Not all narcissists cheat, but I do think that most cheaters are narcissists. Infidelity is an inherently narcissistic and abusive act.

Thank you for posting this. My narcissistic ex cheated on me with his coworker and I had a gut feeling it was happening, but he gaslighted me into thinking I was crazy. I now look back in hindsight and realize that right around the time he started cheating, he was starting fights with me all the time over the stupidest things, so that he could justify his cheating by acting like we were so unhappy and fighting all the time. Little did I know that he was purposely creating the unhappiness. I spent years thinking it was my fault and that I did something to make us unhappy, and tried to fix things that were not broken. Not that I was perfect; I definitely had things to work on and we really weren't meant to be together anyways. But he could've just said that. He didn't have to make me think I was crazy and create all this chaos just to justify his choices. Narcissists cannot just move onto the next person; they have to make sure they make that transition as painful as possible for the partner they're leaving.

I literally convinced myself my communal narcissist husband wouldn’t cheat! 26yrs later I finally realized he was the whole time. Even when confronted he denied it of course & started textbook gaslighting me. Because of education from Dr Ramani & a few others I now know how blind I was. I’m currently working on getting healthy & out of this toxic relationship. Praying for Gods guidance.

When my ex would start texting and going after another woman, he’d blame it on me just being jealous. I’m not sure why he committed to bring in a monogamous relationship with me when he had no intention or ability to actually do this. Oh, wait… yes, I do! He’s a narcissist

Appreciations you Jack from *coherentrecovery* for your commitment to your job. Your outstanding performance helped me alot. Thank you once again for your hard work and dedication. The project was successful because of your fantastic idea. Thank you so much, dear. Thank you for being someone I can truly depend on. I appreciate and admire your quality and hard work.

Although bad behavior from others hurts, it can actually be a good thing; It makes it easier to walk away, It's like, "Thank you for showing me who you really are". In the future you will view the abuse as a positive thing; It helped get you out of the fantasy.

My ex cheated on me. When I found out, things were already over for me. The worst betrayal was that our long term friends took his side and did not beleive me. They discarded me and when we happened to connect one time, she had to tell me all about my ex's new girlfriend. I just feel sorry for anyone associated with them now. Our friendship was a lie.

Yes, he was unfaithful and cheated on many levels and he never cared how it hurt me. He just kept doing it over and over very insidious!

after my experience, I really believe that ALL narcissists cheat. My narc cheated for validation and constant attention that he needed that I wasn't able to give him. I think he felt entitled and that he deserved it from as many supplies as he could manage, to which he didnt manage well at all

You just saved me a ton of heartache, a ton of cloudy thoughts, and a ton of time rebuilding myself after getting cheated on, forgiving, and getting cheated on again, left, strung along for a month, and made to feel like I was the problem, from my narcissist. She'll never admit it, but at least now I know. Yes, I see you Anna. Just know now that I know.

My narcissist cheated all the time! And he would often threaten our relationship by saying there was someone who has expressed interest in him and wanted to know him more. Just so that i would get jittery around him. Love is not like this at all. Love is making the other feels secure at all times.

I'll never understand what's so hard about being faithful to the person you love.

During my happy 23 yr marriage, I NEVER EVER believed he would cheat. Signs were there, people hinted to me, but I said they were crazy or jealous of our incredible relationship. I wasn't just confident, I was smug! When I found out he cheated some way every single day of our marriage, my sense of reality shattered. Now I can't trust my reality, or any reality. I see happy couples and think their realities could be a lie like mine and they don't even know it.

Yes, thank you for clearing this up. A cheater cheats because it’s about them. They feel they deserve… it’s selfish. It’s about them.

The father of my kids doesn't even said sorry. He said " when you looking for something, you will found it!" literally.... what a guy! no more thanks God! Thank you so much Dr Ramani blessings and peace to everyone ✨🙏✨

Left a narcissistic partner 3 months ago. He was hiding texts and phone calls to an ex girlfriend. Lied about who was calling, etc. This, along with all the other lies I had documented, was enough for me. When addressed, he invalidated my feelings and then gaslighted me, and finally ended with him raging and verbally abusing me claiming I didn’t trust him. It was traumatizing. That was it for me ….I walked away.

When my ex ( after 15 years of marriage) wanted to come back after 3 month discard, I asked “ what about your cheating?” He first tried explaining that he had a medical disease that he couldn’t say no to sexual offers. He then went to Plan B “ what kind of lousy nurse are you, these women need love and you don’t even care”. This was 30 years ago; of course I didn’t reconnect.

Yes! My narcissistic abuser carried on several complete relationships for almost a decade. I'd be discarded (I didn't know anything about anything until I started writing everything down and recognized that there was a very distinct pattern, a cycle. Every 7 to 10 days for 8 years, he'd pick a bogus fight, ghost me, and then when he was done making his rounds, he'd hit me up as if nothing ever happened. I, being a codependent with abandonment issues, was left bewildered, crushed, often spending days curled up on the bathroom floor crying and completely broken. In the summer of 2021, he was gone for 3 months, missing my birthday, and I lost 30 pounds.. unable to eat, to sleep, or even function in my day to day life. I'd been accustomed to the weekends, or a week but months...I completely could not deal. I began keeping a journal of all the abusive tactics he'd use to keep me broken, to keep me wanting him to come bk and make all the overwhelming pain go away. After Dr. Ramani taught me every single aspect of narcissist and narcissistic abuse. I became strong...realizing that it wasn't me, I wasn't stupid, I wasn't the moronic idiot he'd proclaimed that I was. He had taken a once extremely self confident, self secure, strong woman and belittled, devalued, and gaslit into to thinking that I was the most egregious person to have ever walked the face of the earth. That I had mental issues, that my memory was horrible, that I was hearing things and making up scenarios in my head that he just couldn't take anymore...those were his excuses for abandoning me... The future faking was intense, the love bombing was extreme, the devaluing was destructive and the continuous discarding was utterly unbearable...until I stood up and finally used my voice to explain to this person that I wasn't going to take his abuse...emotional, psychological, verbal, and yes...physical abuse anymore. I called him out on alllll his bs (I know I wasn't supposed to to but I needed him to know that I wasn't the idiot here...the idiot here was the absurdly mentality deficient A-hole who believed his own made up lies about me, discarded the only MF-er who had ever had his back in every situation, and who honestly believed that I would not find out about these other women (and men) he was having sex with on our bed and that I would just take it.. accept it and continue to allow that horrific behavior to continue while sticking around. It's been 12 weeks.. I cry every day, but I journal every memory of even the slightest hint of abuse, neglect, and overall mistreatment of me. This has saved me and my sanity. He called me yesterday and proclaimed very loudly that I was the reason we did not work out. He's right. Im the one who gained the knowledge of what was happening, gained the strength to walk away, and ultimately.. got the F outta that hell that I has been living in for 8 very long, sad, lonely years. I don't know who I am yet, but I've an idea that I'm pretty amazing, and I plan to live out my life in an amazingly, informed manner. Ty Dr Ramani. I believed u truly saved my life... and gave me bk the power that he had stolen from me.

He treated me and beat me like a dog for 18 yrs.. i finally got tangible evidence and got a restraining order. I thought the hardest part would be to walk away... it's actually the intense fight and vindictive revenge that comes after that... its been 5 months and i just started the divorce process yesterday. I am so grateful to see how strong I am to say "No More!" We have kids, and yes parental alienation is painful.. but I need to fight for my life in order to set my children free from a future of abuse.

My husband of 34 years was a cheater that could not stop. He furthered the trauma by trying to get me arrested and portrayed me as mentally unstable. It’s been 10 years now and the last 5 have been great. I’m so thankful I finally got away!

You have described my husband to a tee. He is a serial cheater and probably a covert narcissist. He’s so hard to live with - I am not going to be with him forever. He had a beautiful façade up at one time- but now I know.

I can't thank you enough for producing these... it is taking me a long time to realize I am not crazy and that what is happening to me is insanely fucked up. I'm realizing my partner has convinced everyone I know that I am crazy and I am being gaslighted by not just my partner anymore, but by my dearest friends who see how charming and fun my partner is and see me now as being unstable the more I try to protect and defend myself. It is a crushing hopeless place to be.

The narcissist I was with did cheat. Sadly there was absolutely no reason to cheat. We both had a high sexual appetite. I was absolutely floored when I found out he was cheating. He was going to sex clubs, meeting up on one night stand etc, etc, etc. It horrified me to come to realize what he could have exposed me to … luckily I am clean. I loved myself enough to walk away. Be safe out there … there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I was so shamed at the weekend marriage retreat we tried. Yes, there were some people there that were dealing with one time affairs, no narcissistic issues in the marriage. But we were there after he finally did get caught, after 20 years of cheating with 25 different affairs! The dynamic was so wrong. One elder told me that I need to change my perspective, forgive and forget! I became so physically ill in the following years while I tried to fix it. But he continued, I left. I still get pangs of shame and guilt and it has been 20 years since the divorce. I have learned so much, wish Dr R had been around then!! That retreat just gave him justification for sexual addiction and narcissism. Sick!!

Tried to desperately get your help 5 years ago while I went thru this- you could actually use my experiences to help ppl. I'm here and still living- made it thru

Cheaters usually end up either being cheated on or in an unhappy relationship where their partner controls them.

This is so right on. Almost everything you’ve said is exactly what I’ve gone through for 22 years. I’m done! He’s out for good. Whether or not he ever had sex with anyone else is beside the point. He was always trying to spark new relationships with other women and accused me of being jealous whenever I expressed my feelings about his behaviour.

This is why I'm staying out of relationships for life & for good

Sometimes people cheat beacause they know you are too good for them

Vulnerable narcs start cheating online. It's the gateway for the antisocial narc. One thing leads to another, and then they ask you if they can go "pick up their friend from the airport"and "show them around town." 🤮

I believe they probably are always looking to talk to, hang-out with, seeking other people - whether it gets sexual or not depends on the vulnerability of the new person...

In my experience, YES. He did not want to be found out. Result: tantrum, devaluing, discarding. Sooo transparent. His biggest fear was for me to 'out' him to his friends or family. I never 'told on him' It drained the lifeblood from the relationship.There was lots of 'online cheating' he could not stop himself. I am so happy to have found out.

It’s all so painful! I don’t know how I will ever recover… I am trying to get away… afraid! Thanks for talking about it! So many people have no idea and everyone really thinks he is the best person ever! Makes me sick!

Just watched this a second time round! Such strong sound advice, priceless!! What would we do without people like you Dr. Ramani!! Christmas is also a bad time to be going through this!! Youve just made things a lot better, thank you! Happy Christmas Dr Ramani🎄 ❤🇬🇧

Cheating, lying and hiding is a real high for them. He said it's just a bit of fun 😂 Well I worked out he can his fun and he can live happily ever after. I just left and it feels so good.

So true, Dr. Ramani! When he returned he'd say: this was not a big deal. Let's not reproach, let's forget everything, and let's start again🙈🙈 Nothing In my life has been so wise as to get rid of this specimen

Several months ago my answer would have been “no, they don’t all cheat, mine didn’t”, however another woman has informed me that the months he claimed to be in therapy, by therapy he really meant that once a week he was having an affair with her. SO glad he’s out of my life!

I was always accused of cheating or wanting to cheat, which I never did. He did and felt justified because he was sure I probably did. i Left the marriage after 40 years after being worn down by verbal abuse and unstable personality of his.

This is brilliant and so true. You are amazing and I totally respect your knowledge on narcissism!

I love these videos. A couple years ago I’ll admit that I was delusionally a narcissist… I literally couldn’t see the hurt I cause others or why I did what I did. Then I met someone I loved who matched me. I began drinking and my life blew up and I hit the worst rock bottoms I ever dreamt. it took that, it took all the empty nights living with the myself the intensive therapy and applying myself to sit in that shit. It took ALOT and by Gods grace the right parings to be direct but informal enough for me to slowly see it. That rapidly change my life. I can’t express, learning vulnerability, self awareness, empathy-true empathy- learning to be okay to open up was the hardest thing I ever allowed myself to do. Learning my family’s history and how it played into my development blew my mind and also helped me have compassion for them, but also have boundaries. When you learn to resist thos things it puts you in a constant state of survival mode”. It’s essentially like addictin in ways of you can, given the right circumstances improve yourself and be a better version and live that of your self and others to others. My values and morals have changed and I feel I know myself now. That other side of me was a constant not knowing who I was, doing what I experienced and saw, and being in a constant state of preservation. It’s made me value the youth and development of children seeing after trauma informed classes have shown how crucial it is. How we steal others beauty away when we are self wernt given the chance. I’m very much an advocate and I do speak up where I did not. I need narcissistic traits, I call it out because I know it. I see bad behavior I call it out. NOTHING excuses bad behavior. At times there can be an explanation but ot should never be flipped on anyone. That stuff is damaging. For myself the emotional and mental abuse out weighs physical. It leaves you in a state of sickness. Well done need to promote accountability. To help others and also in my opinion that shows love to the person making the bad behavior. It forces them eventually to sit and think about what they are doing. And gives them and option to change which in return will eventually stop the cycle of hurt because if they aren’t hurting you they will the next 20 ppl. We all aren’t born and just be excited to become what we become… life molds us and we don’t know what we don’t know…. It’s all our jobs to get real and be safely, respectfully direct. Not over opinions but truths. no one should feel unheard, invalidated or betrayed. Our generations are crumbling because there so much self self unawareness and respect and compassion. I believe in our hardships, when over come should be our passion and wisdom to help others. To reflect on that misery I lived for so long kills me to see it in others eyes.

Thank you Dr. Ramani. You are helping me to get stronger so I can move on. You completely described my relationship. He is a serial cheater and really only cares about himself. When I catch him he puts the blame on me for not being enough.

E X A C T L Y my ex. You're right- the times he was in a good mood and being really nice to me was because he enjoyed duping me and new he was building me up for a massive discard that would devastate me. He fully calculated this and enjoyed watching me destroyed and suffering.

We see the red flags, we put our heads in the sand. There are many signs

I learned that the narc I was in love with had several other women, a serial cheater and liar on steroids! Later learned he had a reputation for having many women; and, a few times, I saw him intensely watching men. I am devastated and terrified.

My narc bf cheated on me and the way I found out was tricking him into thinking I wanted to open up the relationship. Made me sick to my stomach. It hurt ALOT

My narc mother bragged to me about her prolific affairs. I've always felt that this was a form of competition for her. Keeping her secrets put me in a horrible position with my dad, brother, and extended social circle.

My narcissistic wife made a point of showing me her posting on Ashley Madison website (where married people hook up) as a way to punish me. She also encouraged me to join her for 3-way sexual encounters. My response was “Absolutely not!” It was all so disgusting; plus I did not want to catch a sexually transmitted disease from her. I just focused on being a good father to our 3 young boys. I divorced her in 2017. She has had many live-in boyfriends/sexual partners both during and after our marriage. Yet she feels like she is entitled to mistreat me and blame me. It’s pathetic and despicable. She has absolutely no sense of decency, morality, loyalty, or compassion. Her mission in life is to use and control people.

I'm a 64-year-old man who's still dealing with the toxic effects of a narcissistic mother and a cheating narcissist I had a relationship with over 30 years ago. The romance was with a married woman (now deceased). It was my first serious sexual relationship and a template of sorts was formed in my brain. Of course, the time came when I received the "Dear John" letter. This came while she had begun a sexual relationship with another man. The romance began with what I've learned is called "love bombing." She flattered me at every turn and pleased me sexually. For someone like me, a young man with zero self-confidence, this was a brief golden age where anything seemed possible. She convinced me I needed to attain higher education in order to be a better earner when the day came she would be leaving her husband (a high earner). So, I stupidly went back to school, starting at a CC, transferring to the Ivy League and then on to law school. And she pulled the rug out from under me. I'm fortunate to have found a good, caring woman to whom I will be married a dozen years next month. She has been supportive in my efforts to heal. What I've written here is not to encourage sympathy but instead to demonstrate how destructive narcissism can be. I wish you all healing...

I think the most disgusting thing for me when it came to my ex and his cheating is that when he finally admitted he was seeing someone else (after a year and a half of me already knowing), he wanted me to empathize with him as he mourned the loss of the other woman. I had to feel bad for HIM because he lost a source of supply. I think back on that memory and it makes me feel physically ill in my stomach. And two weeks after his "confession," he was back on the dating apps.

Great Work, *Metaspyclub* . Thankfully, I have all six of your tips mastered. It's all about self-care. You made me laugh out loud when you put that shaver up to her chats. Keep up the great work.

I know exactly why my ex cheated on me - she feeds his ego. In a way I almost don't blame him; I had been losing respect for him for a long time before it happened. That sucks even for a normal person. I know she feeds his ego because he provided actual proof. He made an audio recording of her yapping on for a couple of minutes about how wonderful he was and how I was "lucky" to have him, and put it in a place where I was likely to find it. (I hope she's as lucky as I was. He did what he did because he's a narcissist. What was her excuse?) When I confronted him with some evidence I had found, he hit all the classic notes. He tried to bury me in bullshit. He called it "making a mountain out of a molehill". Tried to make me out to be the bad guy. He even insinuated that I had brain damage. Worst of all, I could tell he felt NOTHING.

My ex narc cheated on me with a girl and now wants to cheat on the same girl (who became his gf in the meantime) with me !!! He keeps sending me all kind of messages (you're the love of my life kind of things) even though he is blocked. Out of anger for what he is doing, I send a message to his girlfriend telling her that I would be glad if she accepts to talk to me. She didn't answer to me. He told me that they spoke about it and that whatever I have to say she doesn't want to know... I really don't know what lies he told her about me !

My ex husband was a Malignant Narcissist, he would gaslight me when I would confront him about messages I would find from a particular woman on his social media account.Long story short he ended up marrying her and having 2 kids with her. The woman even knew about me

This hurts me so bad. This is what I been going through for the last 5 years!!! And I have 2 year old twin boys with her. I started educating myself on this because I haven't done nothing wrong. I been loyal, I work, take care of our home and have a big heart but she so cold to me. She got caught cheating twice and barely found out she did it the third time and was trying to do it again. I'm really hurt! Thus is a horrible feeling because I really try to be a family man.

Mines a covert narcissist. And he’s spent all his time since I found out subtlety implying I was to blame, gaslighting me that he didn’t actually cheat and having amnesia it seems. Interesting thing is for years he accused me of possibly cheating!! While I’m taking care of our kids 24/7 like I’d ever have time to do that and I never would, never did…even when he’s been abusing me for years. I still wouldn’t do that. God sees all. Thank you for your videos so I can learn and get a grip on reality while I figure out how to get out of this mess I’m in.

I never understood the reason why my ex husband was a perennial cheater and had the gall to flirt online while I was in the same room until I encountered you, Dr Ramani. Thank you!

I am gay and my ex was a covert narcissist or I believe him to be. I realize he had numerous affairs even with his "friends". Sometimes they actually hint at who they may have cheated on you with. But the reality is that there are more than you could imagine. I have found they also typically have a partner in crime who has similar sociopathic traits who they may cheat with or covers for them. Those "doesnt make sense" moments become "ah, thats what that meant" moments. I find myself constantly ruminating over those.

What I could never understand is who he cheated with. I mean no disrespect towards these women, because they had no idea that he was in a relationship. Each time the infidelity would come to the surface, it caused me more trauma than just the cheating alone, because the women he chose weren't anywhere near my level or what he told myself and others that he wanted in a relationship or what he was "supposedly" attracted to. I don't know how else to say this, so I'll repeat what he said, which was: "if someone is going to step out of their relationship, they should at least upgrade." These women weren't upgrades. It made me view myself even lower than I already was, because he had programed me to believe that if he did cheat, he'd choose a woman of higher value. So when they weren't, it devastated me. I know this sounds awful. I really am not trying to down anyone. I'm just trying to explain my mentality during the relationship. I also wasn't in the habit of comparing myself to others or placing value and judgement on others before him. I really lost myself for a while.

Absolutely spot on, Dr. Ramani! Thank you for your clarity! This helped me so much! Narcissism must be identified and addressed. I now know what I need to do.

Already here in therapy cant get any better than this. I am handling this cycle so well than last years and learning so much. Thanks much