why do white men love black women with bad wigs? 

Reading through these comments feels like we watched an entirely different video. The video was so focused on the positives of this trend and was super informative, but the comments are all so focused on the negative. Very strange, feels like people read the title and commented before actually watching. 🤔

I wish Black women’s hair was less policed

Had to pause the video to belly laugh at the line, "That was not a theory; that was a side part."

Being a black woman is so damn tiring, can’t live in peace as a person without someone wanting me to prove my blackness

we gotta stop putting all our business on the internet 😔

The creator lipgloss said a while ago that rich white men love natural nappy hair and bad wigs oddly the same thing most black men say that they hate.

Being a black woman is exhausting. Always have black men AND black women that look just like us coming at us as well smh.

She felt beautiful enough to leave the house and be on camera as that. The end. Nothing wrong with her or her wig. I’m not in the business of aiding in shaming black women for existing.

I'm White and shortly after we started seriously dating I told my now Black wife she should be proud of her natural hair. She actually thought I wouldn't like her real hair, which was sad and shocking to me at the time. If I can't accept the physical attributes she was born with, why would I be with her? We've (no pun intended) been together for just shy of 16 years and she is all natural with cute tight curls.

So, y’all saw a BW in a whole castle, being doted on by a man who loves and values her and decided to focus on her wig and devalue her?…This doesn’t lack solidarity and foresight at all. I remember when the discourse was about our “nappy hair” and dating/marrying WM. The lengths BW will go to try to ensure BW are devalued knows no bounds.

As a black woman with bad wigs (no baby hairs, bleaching knots and all that drama) it’s pretty simple, I grew up in a majority white area so I don’t have enough close black friends to judge me for it. I also cba to spend hours/£££ on a wig

My wife has had natural hair (her hair breaks off so it's short) for most of our marriage. Now she has been wearing wigs for about a year. Amazon wigs - all around $100 or so and she puts them on herself using tutorials. Looks good to me. Maybe as a white guy - I just don't judge black hair because I don't have it, don't have experience doing black hair - other than when I've tried to help my wife with hers. I'm not with her because of her hair. She is a good woman, and mother. She does well when we are in public including work events. I love her whether her hair looks like Don king in the morning or Beyonce or whatever.

I honestly think it’s because white people aren’t privy to black beauty ideals the same way black people are privy to white beauty ideals. For example, many black women have said that when in “white company”, they’re not as conscious about their edges and unkept hair because white people don’t know what unkempt black hairstyles/beauty ideals look like, but they know what looks good to them, and what looks good to them doesn’t necessarily look good to the black collective. My 6 week old braids looks good to white people, whereas black people will ask “so when are you getting your hair done?”. Same reaction when I wear my shiny synthetic hairband wig from Temu. Ironically, my black girl friends with white partners aren’t hung up on having laid hair and never have been.

I’m all for black women’s happiness ❤ black women should do whatever makes them happy. If Brad is making you happy go with Brad

The cut of Gabby Douglas stating, “I don’t want to focus on the negative,” and Oprah responding quickly, “Well, I do” made me laugh.

My white male friend recently asked me what baby hairs were, he didn’t call them that, he just said the hair gelled on ur forehead 😅 he said he noticed it was popular, and didn’t realise it could also be part of a wig I think lots of them don’t understand wig mechanics, they just see hair on your head and think “hair” it could be tangled with no part, crooked and blonde and they’ll be like 😍 lmao

“hard wig, soft life” is insane 😂

From my experience as a black woman, LOTS (not all but majority) of black men love to make fun of black women’s hair if it’s not natural. Things such as lace fronts, goddess braids, and cornrows are viewed as “unkept, tacky, too much, or fake”. That’s why you see a lot of skits with black men pretending to be and mocking black women, worse when people agree with the stereotype. Now with non-black men, that’s not an issue at all. I remember when I wore a big afro wig before my hair growth journey, and a really cute Hispanic guy in my class said I was really pretty. He was on the football team too and we never spoke before, so I was absolutely flattered! Not to mention whenever I would speak to any Asian guys, they would spark a conversation to which I didn’t know they were actually flirting since black men tend to be more upfront. Also specific white guys usually smile or look down and blush when I would compliment or talk to them. With our hair, they’re not so familiar with our culture and how we take of it, and usually are willing to learn about it versus making fun of it. All this to say, and reminder, NOT ALL BLACK MEN ARE LIKE THIS….but let’s be real majority are them are. And I am also not saying for my fellow black women to change your hair to gain attention from a man. However you express yourself with your hair, your clothes, and your style, you do you. And if you do want to change your lifestyle for the new year ahead, by all means go on ahead! TLDR; Non-black men like black women with “hard wigs” because they view our hair as interesting and they want to know more. EDIT: Black women, I don’t care where you are in life, go where you are uplifted, appreciated, successful, and loved. That’s all I’m gonna say after looking at the replies.

As a gay black man I’m tired of hearing about black women. Can y’all just let them live like why at every turn is there whole essays being drawn up about how a black woman lives her life. Let them be free

Honestly as a black woman with a bad wig and a white husband…. This got me looking online for a HD premium wig lol

As a black girl that's dated white men I had no clue I was meant to be after that lobster dolla... I've only been getting the pasta!

No one polices Black people more than Black people. Black people have ideas about what constitutes good and bad hair/hairstyles and almost all of them are rooted in anti-Blackness. Non-Black people have no idea about these standards and as a result they don't make comments about or disparage Black people when they have hairstyles that the vast majority of Black people would see as unkempt or bad. I think it's fair that Black people seek out people who don't criticize them for their natural hair or for doing low-effort styles, but I would also hope that most Black people who think dating a rich White person who doesn't criticize their hair understand that they're not insulated from other forms of anti-Blackness from their partner. For some that's a sacrifice they're willing to make for a "soft life". Not me tho lol

I think at the end of the day, it’s not about bad wigs. It’s about the fact that most WM don’t care. The first time I wore my natural hair to work at a majority white company my white male supervisor rushed to me with absolute delight on his face and in the corridor for all to see and hear he said Wow I love your hair! With eyes wide and scared a little I listened as he continued on with. What did you do to your hair, I love it! Now mind you it felt great but still shocking because no one had ever said that before and honestly it’s only ever been BM whose tried to shame me or insult my natural hair while even WW and of course my sisters have complimented me. BM are so ready and willing to show their disdain for us until at this point it doesn’t even faze me anymore cause I know I look good. They say they want natural but when you do it and have thick healthy natural hair they still want weave or stringy thin hair so at this point I look good for me only. ❤

The stereotype of a crusty, poorly laid wig has always gone way over my head (lol). I've had natural hair since my late teens and I've only ever dated non-black people. I don't have a racial preference, I just stay where I'm appreciated. Our 6th anniversary is in a few days and I don't think my very, very white, Swedish husband has ever seen me in weave, let alone a wig. The white men I've dated have shown nothing but appreciation for my natural hair.

Oprah is... so annoying. Imagine if she just respected the gymnasts boundaries? She could have spun that into a message about leaving well enough alone and focusing on what mattered.

as a black girl who’s not from the us this is super funny and interesting for me lmao

As an 18 year old black man with a mom who has a white fiance, I just want happiness for all sides even if that means dating out of race because honestly that shouldnt't be considered wrong. Not in this day and age.

Honestly, I don’t really find the TikTok’s about the bad wig soft life funny. It feels more like shade than a light hearted observation. It reeks of “I want what you have but I don’t think you’re deserving of what you have because you don’t conform to the black beauty standards.” Do I disagree to a full extent about the observation? No, but the same can be applied to all black women regardless of their partners race. It just feels like another attempt to put black women down who date outside of their race and it’s quite insulting. And in my personal experience, most of the Black women I’ve known and met with non-black partners usually have natural hair.

As a white guy I have no idea what this stereotype is, much less “fiancé gums”. But I’m listening

I’m a black woman, soon to be married to a white man. The bad wig rhetoric is just a thinly veiled misogynoir talking point used to delegitamize one’s blackness, when a black woman dates outside the race. It’s not at all surprising that the “bad wig” girlies in interracial relationships also typically have 4C hair, darker skin, and wear their hair natural. Characteristics that we are often times degraded for having within our own community (Colorism, texturism, featurism, etc)…. Another thing I’ve noticed is that many times black women in interracial relationships with white men are usually not women that that put as much emphasis on their appearance, because they’ve been socialized in predominantly white environments, and don’t face the same cultural pressure to be “presentable.” The reality is that the bar for what is presentable is significantly higher for black women with phenotypical characteristics than it is for black women with features that more closely align with eurocentricity.

As a white man dating black girls in Italy this video it's very interesting.. I can see many differences between dating a black woman in Europe and in USA. All I can say is that we usually dont care about the bad or good wigs here, even because we dont know how black hairs are lol for example I used to think the long braids where real hair 😅 Btw since in my country there are mostly african women the main problem about white/black dating Is about culture differences and different religion.. who cares of the hair 😂

One of the craziest things I've recently learned is that even when black men earned enough for black women to stay at home, a law was implemented that made it illegal for black women to do so.

Simple, non-black men (and people) cannot tell the difference between a good wig and a bad wig. With men, as long as it's mid-length or long (various textures) human or synthetic, they don't care. Plus the less you spend on wigs/hair, the more you can spend and invest on other things like health, gym, travel, school, and more.

long story short, everybody can date whoever they want, within their race or outside of their race. and I hope everybody realizes that they deserve love and kindness.

Was minding my business and came across the thumbnail like hold up...what!!!😂😂😂😂😂

But when corporations judge you based on you’re hair it’s bad but you as a black woman can judge another blacks womans hair style and it’s cool

I see white guys with black women all the time. They normally have natural hair or braids.

I am a BW married to a well off WM and this is making me tilt my head. Most of the black women I see, single or otherwise, are wearing "bad wigs". I wear my natural hair 98% of the time, and have actually had a black man come up to me and say "You probably have a white man at home," I said, "I have a man at home, yes," This man said to me, "That's a shame, I know the white boys love that natural, but I get tired of seeing sistas with weave," It's interesting. I've gotten the "you must date white guys" all my life, and I'm mostly wearing my natural hair.

Not going to lie. Kind of disappointed that you chose to highlight this discourse. I feel like no matter how you look at it, it’s anti black. We need to stop putting each other down and uplift each other instead. Maybe help the girl with her bad wig instead of judging her? And I think it has more to do with proximity of where that person grew up and personality versus “choosing” to look bad.

This is embarrassing. Why do videos and theories like this exist?!

Why do people care so much about how a black woman chooses to wear her hair, if a person is okay with themselves they usually are not bothered by others hair

The “slim body” is the biggest factor. Please don’t let that part go over your head. Slim and trim is a MUST😂

Such a well-written essay. Thank you.

I’m a white woman watching this random video that entered my life. It’s not about the wigs girls. White men like fun loving women. Simple

I would argue tho that their is a similar theory concerning Black men with no shape ups jokingly meaning they’re partnered to white women. It’s not seen as much in an aspirational way but I do think it is curious how the perceived lack of care of black hair is reflected in their choice of non-black partners. (I think it’s reflected in a lack of cultural pressure with a partner that doesn’t care)

I’m a white guy married to a black woman. (From Kenya) I love how my wife gets different hairstyles every so often and I get to see her show her beauty in unique and different ways. For what it’s worth my favorite style is her natural hair in a loose Afro but she thinks she doesn’t look good with that style. I’ve enjoyed learning about African hair the last few years. I never knew how much of black women’s hair was not actually natural but now I can tell right away. I still think they look awesome though! Just my unique perspective 😃

Does any other community generalize and stereotype their own more than black folks?

yeah it's deffo not a positive thing lmao! the "happy for her" comments are, imo, obviously tinged with a kind of subtle mocking. most of the women writing those tiktoks would not actually feel confident enough to ACTUALLY wear a stiff wig, even if it would attract a white man. the unspoken consensus is that it's generally better to appear "put together" by the standards of the black community than by a white man's standards. its an insidious joke to make fun of black women who don't subscribe to the black woman aesthetic, either because they can't afford it, or more likely grew up around white people and therefore don't know how to "do" their hair to an acceptable standard.

My husband is a wm and so was my ex. WM don’t care about our hair like that. They don’t police our hair like bm. That’s why a “bad wig” means nothing. They care if we look presentable for certain occasions, but not how slayed a wig is. Just Brush it and let’s go. Also, they aren’t really into slayed edges. Too urban or hood for many of them. They often won’t approach a woman with “swirly edges” because visually they don’t find it natural looking.

As a black woman...this conversation is very weird and lowkey tired. Let people date whoever they want. Those tik toks are obviously making fun of and "humbling" black women and girls who date interracialy/internationally. Its sad. This isnt even a real conversation. Its just society being uncomfortable with an idea that isnt common and trying to out it as a flaw. Very weird indeed. I say, if the guy treats you with respect, loves you and treats you right, it shouldn't matter what can of paint either of you come in. In the end we are all apart of the wonderful cosmos, and just lucky to be aware that we can exist. And i believe, when we die, we go back to the soil, water and stars. We, as human beings, get so wrapped up in our own little hangups, that change and progression is often scary. These women aren't doing anything new. Our grandmother's did it, great grandmother's warned us with it, great, great grand mothers, scared us with it. But the world does change, and sometimes, what you used to know becomes a myth and you’ve got to acknowledge that. History will never change, but humanity is always growing.

i met my partner in 10th grade. we are still together and have twins. my son is white appearing but is BLACK! and filipino, jewish. my daughter looks asian and black(brownskin). but she is also jewish! like this is so scary for me that my kids will be dealing with this in the future and im going to have to educate them on filipino,jewish and black history. his mother was so happy that my son was fair and it dawned on me how colorism exists in the philippines and his mom is around my complexion. my mother in laws sister is darker than me and they are filipino. so im in the process of educating them about blackness and our hair texture. we need to stop gatekeeping blackness because we are allowing misinformation and allowing to oppress us as a community.... most black men didnt want me because i spoke "too white/proper" but clearly dont know they got it fucked up. im just really good at adapting and still am connected to my black culture. my partner loves me with my hair fresh out the shower while i feel most black men would call us jerome with our wet and go. not all black men are like that but its strange how we are not mentioning that most black women end up with other races when we are denied by our own. and lastly, our home is paid off. we dont have debt..... maybe our community should stop dating based on race and date people who can lead you to a better future and keep you HAPPY. arguments still happen, but its not the same....the way i saw my mother be treated is horrendous and i think its a result of forcing black people to love each other when they are not compatible all the time... just love who you want to love and if they happen to be the same race as you then thats amazing. much love and i hope we can get back to being like our folks were in the 60s-70s. being black was something to be proud of but in 2023-2024 its about boxes and who fits in. and we are literally doing the paper brown bag test and blue vein society type of gatekeeping. spewing hatred at black women who acquired the life that our ancestors wanted. and we didnt date out our race back in the day because it was ILLEGAL! we have the rights to do that now so you will see it more often.

This video has me in knots. Also very informational. The good the bad and the party city. I feel very informed after watching this video. This was really good

girl something tells me you’re about to go absolutely viral over this video over time !!!

I remember this discourse. I get why it seems that way but lets be real black women that date black men also have bad wigs. Most people can't afford Alonzo Arnold wigs. I don't want to generalise but the black community is more harsher than black women's looks than white people. Obviously white standards of beauty exist but its like black women are expected to go in public looking like Miss Universe while white girls and other non-black girls can go in public looking homely and get away with it. It reminds me of the natural hair discourse that lipglosss brought up. Yes there are black men who love short 4c hair but a large amount of black women only like natural hair when its long or loosely curled. As for the bad wig part. A wig won't look real, thats the reality. We are not Indians and non-black Peruvians. As long as it looks good enough I don't care if my closure is obvious. Black women we typically have type 4 hair and type 3 natural hair.

The jeopardy moment has made my day and now I am a subscriber.

Referencing bell hooks and Blue Monday art in one video, great job Amanda!

Non black people don't know what a bad wig is. We just know it's not your hair so we just...you know...whatever.

Geez black women can’t catch a break 😅 I don’t use Tik Tok and am unfamiliar with this discourse. Amanda says it isn’t meant to be negative but it still feels mean spirited.

This was excellent. The analysis was spot on.

I hate with a passion lace front wigs and baby hair even if it’s a little bit I do not like the “basic general black girl aesthetic” vibe at ALL 🙅🏽‍♀️ I love my synthetic mixed with human hair wigs that I throw on it’s just my personality. I like my wigs and to look a little fake if that makes sense to look like they are wigs I never really realized until it was brought to my attention 😂I also like other looks too like messy looking braids , short Afro, blonde afros like how the Nigerian girls wear their hair , to 90s perm staight hair with bangs. Etc I’m always changing my looks 😂 this video was awesome right up my alley 🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤

Back in high school 2016. I recognize the obsession the black community had about perfect hair. Leave out must blend well, no stiff wig and baby hair must be slayed. Let’s not forget natural hair invite the nice nasty comments from black women. At that time I let go trying to have “perfect” hair. Baby that was hard and I would get comments all the time about my hair. That time I also stoped wearing leave out and relaxing went natural. It was hard too! Overall the pressure is real hard to have “perfect hair” with no hair out of place. Side note: I once had my hair in a Afro at the cafeteria line this blk boy pulled my hair I turn around he said “oh I thought it was fake”. It’s not only the women like the video said it’s the men too

It just shows black men have more concern about our hair, than white men or even ourselves. I think more women wouldnt feel the emphasis to always have our hair top notch. I bet it's refreshing to be with someone not so concerned about what on your head instead of whats in it

Omg. Let me watch this

Great take! Love the objective approach to opening up discussion

the title alone is why I clicked😂😂😂

As a black woman married to a white man, they don't care what you do with your hair as long as you look good. And they LOVE your natural hair and braids!

Thanks. I wasn't sure where the pasta and lobster line came from lol and I couldn't find that show. This was all very well said. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this.

When you put that painting up, i almost cried. I feel it, I am that painting. Ducking tired and I just woke up. I know I will be working for the rest of my life.

The title of this video is SENDING ME😂😂😂😂

As a black woman who have meet a couple of millionaires in my life time- I hate wigs but I have one wig for emergency, which people will call a bad wig. To pull a millionaire has everything to do with your confidence and education. And bad wigs look realistic compared to laid down wigs.

😂😂😂. The caption made me chuckle and here we are!... I have to subscribe too!

I almost cried when the artwork Blue Monday was shared. I am old enough to have had this piece of art on a mug lol anyway I am appreciative of your work/contribution it is much needed for all ages.

i think a factor is that black women with “bad wigs” are often shunned for it by the black community or don’t have black influences that teach them “better” in the first place which probably pushes them to feel connected to white men who don’t have the knowledge to critique them or are their preference in the first place. Black men are often the first to criticize and reject women who don’t have hair on par with their standards

Why is this so hilarious. Once I was going through a depression episode but my cousin from outta town came and insisted we go out. I had to drag myself outta bed my hair was a mess so I just flung my kinky straight wig ontop of a low messy bun🤦🏾‍♀️ I know I looked a hot mess. Not only was I shocked when I got to the location, it was a fancy restaurant, but I kid you not the amount of white men stealing glance at me that night got me all self conscious. I went to the bathroom and I looked at the wig and yes I was embarrassed 😅 but it was too late I had to just commit 🤷🏽‍♀️. I went out back out and on my way to the table this older white gentleman stopped me and said I’m beautiful 😅😅😅 I was so confused.

I really like this video. It's a bit more light-hearted with an important message still.

Oh no. Not black women dating whoever they want! We need to criticise this asap

As a black girl I LOVE THIS AND IT IS A QUESTION IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO

I haven't gotten past the title but OMG. Why did you choose violence this morning? 🤣

I wish 100%, ALL EVERY black women had locs / Afros / braids / just not straight hair bc whyyyyy lol we the only ones with this texture of hair !!!!!!

I just love this type of discourse

As a wealthy single white guy, this is the first I’m hearing this discourse, so thanks for the video. I honestly don’t think about wigs at all; I’m not even sure I’m able to spot them to be honest. That’s largely due to growing up in a predominantly white town, where wigs are not generally worn. I just assume everyone’s hair is their own. I think white men are just unaware, unexposed, and uneducated about black hair and the concepts of wigs.

Almost all BW I see married to a WM have natural hair. I’m from LA where it’s common. I personally don’t even get hit on by BM with my natural hair. It’s WM who looove my natural hair personally and my husband can’t tolerate the Cookie Monster hair.😂

Well said ❤ You did your thang

I'm white, I love afro hair in black women.

This is an unserious question 😂 and I am seated!

I know y’all like to tussle, but I’d argue most black women’s wigs look bag regardless of who they’re dating. Most of these wigs don’t look natural or good, no matter who’s wearing them, because they are difficult to style. We can see the lace and the excessive pasted baby hairs Btw. I think this is just a funny way to pick at and single out a particular group of black women.

2nd video after coming here to see the 3rd place video. very well made and informative videos. Keep up the great work!

You and your topics are such a delight

I'm a white guy, I've dated black women before and my wife is indigenous afro-latina from south america. Personally I've always thought natural hair was gorgeous. I've always thought it's silly to limit yourself to dating only people that look like you!

You are my youtuber of choice rn. Your takes on pop culture are so well researched and you’re an amazing writer. Ty for providing us with such high quality content!

Idk if the bad wig theory applies more in the west cause in my African country most of the time when I see BW with WM, even wealthy WM, the ladies have very short hair, afro hair or braids rarely wigs. Last month I met an affluent couple and she had gorgeous decorated cornrows. I myself am currently dating a WM who comes from generational wealth but he met me when I had braids and he likes my 4c hair. A young American millionaire I had a brief online fling with last year was obsessed with braids. So age old advice we all know, just be yourself ❤

Great video, I learned a lot. You are a great sociologist!

The hard wig soft life also has to do with most affluent neighborhoods don’t have hairstylist do black hair properly. When I moved to affluent neighborhood in Orange County there were NO hair stylist that could do black hair properly and if I wanted to get my hair done I would have to go over an hour away to get my hair done. I learned how to do my hair and other black women would ask who did my hair because they couldn’t find a stylist to do their hair.

I am black and my husband is white. Before I was married, I dated 1 black guy seriously for less than a year and all of my other dates were all white or Hispanic (the black population in my state is around 8%). I think the real issue is femininity as one of the ladies in the video mentioned. I have micro locs almost to my bottom, I wear dresses/skirts only outside of the home, and we are active in the church. We live a comfortable lifestyle, but I was doing well before we married. I thought I would marry someone of my own race, but they typically have no interest in me. I run, hike, lift, eat clean, and like outdoorsy stuff. In theory, it could be the energy or it could be a combination of that and femininity. Just for the record, I have never worn a wig 😂.

I see white men loving black women real natural hair

Sometimes bad wigs dont require glue,and under them bad wigs sometimes the edges are alive and flourishing

oprah was so vile for that

As a BW who has only dated non-black men, they really don’t care what we do with our hair. If anything, there is no style a white man loves more than natural hair. Whether you just woke up and it’s messy, a braid out, twist out, locs, they just like that we are natural and that they can actually touch our hair without us running away lmao. If they think you’re attractive, it really doesn’t matter. It’s a good thing to be in a relationship with someone who accepts you for who you are and doesn’t care about something so trivial as whether a wig is laid within an inch of its life or not.

I'm happy for Samantha. She's thriving and living her best life being loved and cherished by a man who adores her. You go girl! Could care less about your wig. I'm blessed to have had an example provided by my father making plenty in IT, so my stepmother didn't have to work. Contrast to other women in my family who struggled more and worked so hard with very little to show for it. I wish more BW were less concerned about appearances but rather, first, more about self worthiness embodied. Because a lot of us looked dressed to the nines but have damaged self esteem and self worth that only perpetuates unfavorable generational cycles and circumstances.

The real winner is the black lady with the orange hair…….give me the wig if it means my life is going to be SOFT.