Why Foreign Men Struggle Dating In Japan 

TOKYO GUIDEBOOK takashifromjapan.com/tokyocompleteguide

I definitely don't deserve to be the thumbnail on this video. I am no expert in this field haha. But thanks for having me Takashi!

Rupa nailed it the first 5 minutes of the video, I dated a Japanese girl for about a year while living in Japan and she was looking at it as serious/having family type relationship as they tend to set things on a timeline, date for how many years, get married, do stuff together for about a year or so then start a family etc... If you're not serious they don't want to spend the time. Of course the whole foreigner can be three different things. One they're attracted to the fact that we're a bit more upfront as opposed to Japanese guys who are a bit more timid and shy. Two is they might see a foreigner as a one time, do something different in their life but ultimately marry a Japanese guy because they're not used to the language barrier/customs etc...Three... dare I say this, the ones learning English and/or live closer to places with a bit more foreigners (city, US bases etc..) want something different and want to live/get out of Japan scenario as that's all they've been to all their lives not to knowing that Japan life has been great for me IMO. A lot of girls in Japan have this agreement type mindset where if you tell them you like/love them then its really that. Whereas if you do this whole actions speak louder than words kind of deal, they take notice but they wont have a clue until you tell them. So my #1 advice is just be straight up to them and they will with you.

Maybe it's a generational thing, but I came to Japan in the late 80's, and it was super easy dating. I took an immediate interest in the culture, learned enough of the language to navigate my days, and it worked. Granted I was in close proximity to folks used to being around gaijin since I was Air Force in Okinawa, but when I moved to mainland to Fukuoka it wasn't the case, not many gaijin were around at all, but still was incredibly easy to meet girls highly interested to go on dates. Anyway, met the love of my life in Fukuoka in 1993, and 30 years later, 27 years of marriage, and 3 kids, we're happy in Texas!

That Australian guy's attitude was great, he even asked Takashi questions which I found really nice of him

From personal experience, it's hard being able to tell exactly what Japanese women are thinking. I've had dates where things seemed to have gone very well that resulted in complete silence a day later with literally no explanation or reasoning. The language barrier is somewhat of a problem, but most women I've met were able to hold conversations well enough to get their thoughts across.

It's amazing: The half-Japanese guy from Brooklyn may as well be any Italian guy from Brooklyn, from the way he talks, to his outfit and his posture. He's still a New Yorkers through and through.

You should definitely interview foreign Asian men about dating in Japan. I myself found it more difficult to date in Japan than in America because Japanese people's perception of me was that I looked Japanese or even Korean even though I am Vietnamese American. Other Asians such as my indian and Indonesian friends found some unique difficulties dating in Japan as well. Being Asian in a homogeneous society is quite difficult because many Japanese girls I meet would rather date someone who looks completely different than someone who look familiar to them even though the cultural and language differences are vast.

The first guy really sold the experience for me. Straight forward confessions. Organised times. Just suits my personality.

When my sister heard that Japanese women would take 1 month until they go out on a date, she immediately said that it was so they could do a whole bunch of preparations for the date (new clothes, make-up and hair appointments, skin treatments, etc.)

as an asian foreigner here in Japan, who looks like a Japanese or rather won't be able to tell me apart unless I speak, it is harder for us, compared to someone who looks totally foreign. haven't seen any interviews on the opinions of people who looks japanese but is not and their experience

How's nobody in the comment section mentioning how goddamn wholesome and chill that first Aussie guy is!? My dude's got a massively likeable personality!

wow, your thumbnail really paid out!! Didnt expect JakeNBake to be featured in your videos. Good job dude!

Didn't expect to see Jakenbake here lol

That was really interesting! As a Chinese woman from the USA with dating experience here and abroad, I get really turned off when men seem to only be interested because I'm Asian, like the concept of "Asian fetish" or "yellow fever" turns me off, and so when you interviewed that 3rd guy who said it's a weird turn off when women are only interested in him because he's foreign, that was really refreshing for me to hear! I shouldn't be surprised to hear this happens for men too, but it IS my first time ever hearing a guy say that, so that was cool. Thank you for your always interesting and insightful videos Takashii!

I love watching these interviews because he so polite with all his questions and gets right into the heart of it

This is the best utube channel I've ever watched. The interviewer/presenter delves into so many aspects of Japanese life. I really enjoy watching these videos. I'm looking forward to watching more of them..

Thank you so much for watching!! Actually some of the interviewees are my real friends lol It’s fun ti interview someone I know haha Check their social media in the description!!

Awesome video as always Takashii! I have been living in Japan for about 3 months now (staying for at least 2 more years), and have recently thought about this a lot. I think the most difficult thing in dating here (as a straight European guy), is that Japanese girls don't really communicate if you do something they don't like or aren't used to. I've had some situations where the girl lost interest from one moment to another and never texted me again, while in Europe girls would be a bit more explicit with respect to why they don't want to meet anymore. Even though it hurts, it's something that non-Japanese people have to get used to. I feel like with Japanese girls I have literally 0 clue what they are thinking, as they rarely talk about their feelings/emotions in general. Honestly personally, even if I think "kokuhaku" (confession) is a bit unusual, I really like the concept because it makes sure that both people involved in the relationship are on the same page, while in Europe there are a lot of scenarios where there can be misunderstandings because one of them thinks they're a couple and the other doesn't. Keep up the awesome work!!!

The guy you interviewed at 6:30 is a very famous live streamer here in the USA, his name is JakenBake and he's a legitimately good person. There is a video of him saving a random Japanese woman from a drunk man who was chasing her. So cool to see him in a random interaction like this and not be known.

Keep up the great work! I love watching and learning from your videos

Keep up the good content Takashi. I’m learning more about the Japanese culture with every video you post. ありがとうございます.

The first guy that you interviewed was a really good choice. everything he said was interesting and he also asked you some questions back. great interview

Takashi you’re awesome, keep up these vids!

This channel is too wholesome for me

I struggled because I'm Australian and very direct whereas Japanese girls play a lot of games and expect you to be able to ignore what they're saying to your face and understand what they aren't saying. It's a game where you don't know the rules until you've been there long enough to figure it out.

Takashii!!! Love your videos man, you're by far my favorite Japanese RU-vidr at the moment as I will travel Japan one day for sure and I love learning about your guys culture. Cheers from New Jersey, USA!!

i like the first interview.. really casual and fun !!

great video!!

Seeing Rupa in this video was a trip. We used to hang out in Melbourne a few times. If you're reading this Rupa sorry I never contacted you more or we never got to hung out when you were fresh in Japan all those years ago, I was absolutely swamped with work at the time (and freaking out trying to find more). It's crazy how far you've come.

Yes, when I was in my early 20’s I managed a Japanese restaurant (for my English mostly) I was the only white American. I began dating the most beautiful Japanese young lady . She had only been in the u s for 6 months although her English was very good. After about 3 months she asked if I loved her and my reply was yes I believed I did. Her response was then why won’t you marry me. It was an eye opening and difficult for me to process. I was the only son in my family and our culture was so different. We dated for a tumultuous year and things became to difficult to continue, but we were both under 25 and not ready. Still I (and she) remembers our time fondly. She called back when I turned 50 to see how my life turned out. Voicemail. I couldn’t return the call.

Love this channel

This Australian man has done a great service, really interesting to hear all that. And of course. Takashii thank you.

I love your channel Takashii! It has really helped me with practicing realistic Japanese past textbooks. I will be visiting my friends from Tokyo and their family this Spring!

About the Australian guy. Congratulations, Takashi. You found yourself a new friend

Takashii-San, I really enjoy your videos. I find them very informative

Quick relationships really freak me out as well. It’s a problem in Korea as well, where people only date for good looks, and where girls compare each other. It’s frustrating.

We appreciate your effort and hard work. Happy Holidays and God bless you.

Happy to see your channel grow Takashii

Interesting group of people nice job with the interviews!

I love your videos they're entertaining and informative 😊

awesome seeing jake appear in a video, would be interested in seeing more of his insight when he is back in japan again.

The kokuhaku confession is by far the biggest difference between Japan and other countries. It is understandable in some ways but at the same time for Westerners, it can seem so abrupt and unnatural. Like if you expect a kokuhaku after a week or two, then everything changes and you’re automatically on the path to getting married in their eyes. It just seems extremely fast in many ways. I don’t know why Japanese people don’t think it’s fast. It’s kinda nuts.

I love this channel!

Very insightful

omg I haven't seen jakenbake in forever! tysm takashii, amazing video as always! 🤠💗

Takashii - LOVE your videos. Super informative about Japanese culture. A little drama with the 2nd interview-- that father had to keep running after his kids. Super, unintentionally funny! Keep up all of your good work Takashii

Takashi, you're one of a kind. Love the questions you ask.

Awesome video

I lived in Japan for a year and a half and did the english teaching gig, this was back in the 2005-06. It was a great experience and I did date women casually but traveling around the country, meeting regular folks, and experiencing the culture were among my top memories. Nothing negative to report, such a great period of my life!

It seems dating a person is taken more serious-like in Japan. Very nice.

You’re very good!!! I’ve subscribed

I like your content on the channel and your way of speaking and listening to people. Very polite

You are an amazing content creator. I am amazed by your simple, yet eye opening video. Japanese people are extremely polite, careful, and respectful. You can see your care toward the subject, and everything involved. You make me want to be a better person. To think an entire country can be so proper, polite, and organized. Japanese people are incredible. I’m sure you make Japan proud by showing the world such a wonderful side. Good luck with future videos!

When the first guy said "Oh my gosh" after knowing that the topic is about dating, I felt that. 😂 Anyways, great video! メリー クリスマスたかしさん!

Omg im so stoked to hear what Jake the expert has go say

I'm in Korea where's there's similar-ish rules on dating. A big turn off for me though is the scheduling. If someone says they want to date but then ask to wait a month then I'm sorry, I'm out because it usually means they aren't that interested.

The last guy went from brooklyn accent to Japanese in 0 seconds flat.. pretty impressive .. i know his grandma is proud.. 👍

I’ve had some pretty interesting dating experiences here. Most day to day life outside of the major cities or foreigner friendly places are non eventful. People tend to not make a lot of eye contact, avoid your gaze or won’t approach you if they don’t know you. They are usually self-conscious about their English ability which prevents them from trying to strike up a convo. Plus, the whole “don’t bother” people vibe of the culture makes social interaction on the daily a little awkward to just start talking to strangers. Now, the night life especially in major cities or foreigner friendly places is a 180 from that. After a few beers things can get rowdy and people start to become chatter boxes, especially the younger generation. My dating experience has been lots of confusion and even some racism by older parents who won’t let their daughter date or marry a foreigner. Japanese only they say and get mad at her if she asks to date a foreigner. We had to end that relationship out of respect for her relationship with her family. The other girls, even though they knew some English (elementary level or some junior high level) and wanted to learn with me, just got me hella confused and wouldn’t communicate. Had one girl break up with me only to tell me a month later that she thought we were still together. Those are wildly different goal posts there girl… sheesh. One girl thought we were a couple but she only spoke to me once or twice a month and we met for a date around once a month. Super weird. Now, I am with a girl who is very fluent in English, while I am still learning Japanese and she is totally ok with moving to another country if that’s where life takes us. She and her family don’t care. If you want a serious and less stressful relationship, I would recommend finding someone who is high school level or higher in your language and has international travel experience. Not just someone who dreams of it and thinks all foreign men as out of a Disney movie. That was another weird experience I had…. some girls here have some odd fantasies about foreign men like the movies. Overall, night life and daily life are totally different and cold approaches can be very culturally awkward outside of the evening/night scene if your Japanese level is too low to properly flirt without causing them stress thinking they will have to speak another language.

Japan is such a beautiful country, it should be protected

Takashi your English is getting stronger, I could see it from your interactions in the interviews. Love the content. Keep up the great work brother.

Takashi my friend, you are blowing up. Last time I checked you were around 50k subscribers and now you’re 545k subscribers. Keep up the good work!!

Love watching your videos. I’m learning so much! You ask good questions and listen well. Suggestion: In your intro - speak a bit slower. It sounds like you’re in a hurry or don’t care about your topic. This I know is not true, I know. You care a lot and you content is excellent! Thank you so much. I now want to come to Japan. 🎉

good video Takashi i love your contentt

Basically every first interaction between people who are attracted starts out superficial by your looks. Some people find people different from themselves interesting as well. The problem I feel is if a girl will approach any foreign guy just because they are foreign and vice versa with "yellow fever" jumping at any Asian girl. You find out if you like their personality after that but if you don't and still stick around because of a fetish that's wierd

"What's it like dating foreign *guys* in Japan?" hahaha Even Takashii firing shots at JakeNBake. Twitch chat vindicated.

Takashii is a genius for these videos

I felt the first one but from the perspective of the woman. I'm super shy and people are not really interested in me. I'm also at fault because I want to chat at least 1 month before meeting in person, maybe longer if the workshedule does not fit in. On the second date I was really in panic to even ask if I can hold hands with my date. For me it's such a big step to feel the warmth of another hand. The first kiss was 3 or 6 months later and I thought I would faint haha. Idk why I am like this, in Germany dating can be more distant/cold but I am still the weird case 😅.

The first guy actually is a good public speaker lol. He uses so many hand gestures that connects to us and I have no idea how could no one fall for him

The first guy is soo cute, I fell in love with his personality and smile. He seems like such a fun guy. So charismatic.

your videos are very interesting! I've never been to Japan, no plans to visit, i do not speak japanese, but these videos are captivating still

I ran into Takashi while he was filming this episode and he was very nice. Thanks for all the good content and come visit San Diego! I was trying to meet girls while in Tokyo, but found them difficult to approach and talk to.

This video not only interesting but informative! Great job , Takashii

Lmaooo at the white privilege question 😂😂😂

It’s very sweet of you to do your part for international relations. I feel like I’ve been getting signs from the universe to study Japanese this past week for some reason. 🌸 Maybe before I travel the world. And then today my CD player was stuck in Japanese language mode. Which may be divine humour.

“You don’t hug someone you met first time” Saying that to an Australian haha, when I was in Australia even the border patrol look like they want to give you a hug 😂

id say from hearing opinions from guys that live in japan. japanese girls dont communicate their feelings often or dont forgive you if you make a mistake. if you make a mistake they wont tell you or work on it with you. theyd just judge and total ignore. also there are many dating rules to follow which foreigners cant keep up with or memorize. foriegn men usually just go with the flow. also scheduling a date. you cant do it on the same day or soon. its a month in advance or a week.

The part with the last guy about the pair look is pure comedy. Some thing about his delivery and your reaction 😂

Subscribed! ❤👏

Seems about the same as anywhere else. Just strict schedules because of focus on priorities. Language barrier and culture are the biggest obstacles. If it gets serious, family usually becomes an issue due to clashing cultures. This is why the older generation says "marry into your own;" it is so that there will be less issues and a smoother relationship. But love is love so if it's worth it, go for it.

Thats one of the worst things. Being interested in a person just because of their race and ignore everything else what the Person is about is a recipe for disaster. You are not Boyfriend or girlfriend but just Something they can show off to others.

This is a good interview and the one being interviewed are pretty honest about it, yet being respectful. Good choice.

This is pretty cool channel, interesting perspective on dating.

The American didn't say it, but they're called "gaijin hunters". Most of the time it's a very weird situation. Sometimes they just wanna leave Japan and want someone to take them to their home country with them. As soon as I say that I don't plan on going back, a big chunk of them lose interest.

I think the trouble is sometimes either (a) there is a language barrier or (b) the foreigner's Japanese is ''too good'' and they get intimidated as they want to use the foreigner to practice or show off their English.

Excellent!

Hey dude, congrats from Brazil. I really appreciate your job.

honestly this video was banger i wish it was longer! first guy seems really interesting and cool and also you found streamer jake(i wish you asked him more) but yeah overall really good video! thank you so much!

Hey, love your videos! I just recently moved to Japan for work, still getting used to the Japanese lifestyle. I was wondering if you had any tips or recommendations for me. Anything helps! Thanks! :D

fascinated by Japanese culture on the whole. Great channel, great info. Interesting to see the differences between eastern and western cultures

Hey Takashi. I'm new to your channel. I really need to tell you how lovely you are. Your interview technique is so good. Honestly, second to none. You have a really great way that enables you to get the best out of all your interviewees. Seriously no shit. I think you are proper ace and find the subjects really interesting. Keep up the good work, because you my friend are doing ace things 💙👌🏼😉

This is good to know. As a foreigner who's interested in visiting Japan sometime, possibly for an extended period, I'd like to know what it's like to date in Japan. I have a Westerner's point of view when it comes to these kinds of things, though I did live in the Philippines for 2.5 years. It would be interesting to compare the three.

Although Brazil has a very different culture when compared to Japan, when people date, after a couple of times it is expected that they define what kind of relationship it is: serious dating or whatever. Some couples do also exchange rings to set the relationship as official. They are usually made of silver and worn on the right hand.

its the questions for me! Takashii really had em going deep on the street! no surface level conversation. So fascinating!

I will say I am all for how upfront Japanese women are. It’s better to say if you are interested in someone and not waste both peoples time. I’ve been planning on going to Japan sometime soon in the future, my intention isn’t to date but it’s nice to know what to expect👍🏼

That guy from Denmark was FREEESHHH that drip was killer

Great channel! Fabulous questions. I am really impressed

This guy was really good at this interview

I don’t know why the algorithm sent me here, but I can’t get enough of this page.

I wish he interviewed me lol. I had more than a dozen dates with japanese women in the last three years in Japan. The most annoying things would be: 1- if someone finds out you have a girlfriend or dare they always ask:" is she japanese?" As though it's a great accomplishment. It feels like I'm belittled if she's a foreigner or she's not good enough. 2- there's always a drunk ojiisan that coccbloccs me. He'll try to be friendly and ask questions but overstays his welcome and after awhile would ignore me and just talk to my date. I heard young guys do it too. Did it to my friend. 3- japanese girls would talk about serious relationship but they could be lying or could be for language exchange or look cool around their friends. Especially college girls. Don't take them too seriously, they look innocent and loving but they're the same as any other girl in the world. "she's different". She's not. 4- cheating: my first tinder date was with a married woman. Cheating is very common and sex hotels make it so. Many couples live in other prefectures and might cheat. They might have a boyfriend or girlfriend so they don't look lame around friends or family. But they'll cheat or look for a foreigner friend to flirt with but might not cheat. 5-Japan culture: married by 25. They're a stigma about being over 25 and how bad it is not being married. Some might even rush the relationship just to get married but as easy as it is to get married it is ready for them to divorce you. 6- Japan can be very very conservative. Especially with the idea of being a housewife. Most ladies want to get married because they're tire of working or living with their parents. So they want to marry a successful man that can take care of them and they no longer have to work. With foreigners, especially military, they might want to use you and maybe even as ticket to leave Japan and live abroad. 7-they stereotype. They like hip hop or basketball they like black guys. They like Hollywood movies or maroon five they like white guys. They like Spanish music or anything then you guessed it, they like Hispanics. Korean... Etc. They have a type and no matter how ugly the guy is, they love it. 8- communication: someone's there's a language barrier but someone's japanese girls don't really excited they're feelings. They're not confrontational so they'll keep they're feelings to themselves. 9- if the japanese girl has left her country and studied abroad or has at least traveled, it most likely that your relationship will become really good and she might be open to your customs and be more patient about language barriers etc. If she never left her country and in many cases , her prefecture, this isn't going to last, she's only dating you because she's curious. 10- last but not least, they can't cook. 8/10 foreigner girls I have met or went on a date with could cook. 1/10 japanese girls couldn't. They're answer was they usually still live with their parents and their mother cooks. The few that could cook had children. Single mothers or they were a little older. As for foreign girls with japanese men, I heard they are very kind. Cleans your apartment, might even buy you stuff. Very gentlemen.