Ever wonder why you have approach anxiety when your game is intermediate or advanced... or even why it's WORSE than when you were a beginner? Well, here's your answer. P.S. Beginners can learn from this too...
sometimes i have absolutely no aproach anxiety, what i still struggle is with "not pulling the trigger" with the girls that are trowing themselves ate me
im more like '' lack of energy'' to approach people. That comes from fact i dont have enough sleep/good food/money/good relationships with people in general
Guys with Approach Anxiety should approach girls standing next to the bar. This is because you need much less justification to stand close to her and it's much easier to start talking. Plus if she isn't very responsive it's less likely to seem awkward since your main purpose was to order a drink. Approaching some girl at a table or on the dance floor is harder because you are at more risk of her thinking: 'who's this guy?' or 'why is he standing here?'
I did this when I was at College. I was in the line ordering a drink and some girl was next to me, started talking, and before we even got to the front of the line to the bar we were hooking up. I got my drink and said I'll see you on the dancefloor. Found each other an hour later and took her home. It's a great strategy.
@@thisisrandomphrase That's a very good point. Lately I realized that I would only try and talk to ANYONE when it's safe from the point of my Ego... That's a very crippling and limiting way of getting acquainted with anybody especially good looking women. They know all the tricks. And it'll hurt your ability to be free at any given time! I know it because I'm a victim of this stupid system of mine💩 Todd is a 100 percent right it's an ego that's a number one obstacle.
This video is perfectly targeted to my situation all these years. I was on fire years ago..fell off (relationship new family etc) now I shy away from approaches even with choosing signals because I want to maintain that previous image that has yet to be reaffirmed. But it's all ego and it's truly holding me back. Great video..it speaks to everything I've experienced this far for more than a year..only this channel can dissect a men and women's nature because of his repetitive dissection of social psychology and living in it.. that's why I'm always here! Thanks Bro.
guys who make quite a bit money and they revolve around protecting ego that why would i need to talk to girls when i just pay that money for that ass? you got me, this is prevalent in upper or middle income earners
This is an amazing video and the reason why Todd is the best in the business. I have never seen anyone speak about approach anxiety like this. Todd is 100% honest and so on point. Ego gets in my way so often. When I let go, and don't care, I do so much better. Thank you Todd for this video 👌
That's some solid to the point stuff right there, Todd! Reminds me why I still follow you after about 5 years since learning about RSD and all the other coaches out there.
You do a lot of talking in this channel and VERY little examples of actual cold approaches... can we see more of those please? I don't care if you're shot down, that's going to happen to 95% of us..
@@contracthit9839 Your gf is never going to be the hottest woman you can bang. The best girlfriends are usually 7/8. And I've seen his game and it's solid.
@@contracthit9839 I believe you. When you get to a lay count in the 100s you'll have your fair share of subpar women too 🤣 8s and 9s are rare, most of your lays will be 6s and 7s - that's just the reality of it.
Your best vid on self- development. Our attachment to our egos and how we look is big, we need to transcend the ego even if we look bad temporarily, etc. The older we get the more we get set in our ways and fear looking bad so being willing to constantly try, improve and not get too attached to a certain image of how we think we should look is key and trusting we have worth either way. It can take time to build that trust/experience.
ya know pick up artist get a deservedly bad wrap, but tod gives good consistent healthy advice. Doesnt treat people like shit, just good pep talks for guys
Went to a bakery last week and the woman doing the orders. *man, just my type* and risked it before paying saying: I like what I see and asked if she wants to meet up = date ofc. sadly got rejected because she said she had a boyfriend/ lie or not, I went for it. but my main problem is when seeing women who look like my type, how do I approach. about what can I talk that she feels comfortable and actually is kinda interested back to talk/flirt, etc. and see if there would come a date from it... It's not like I have a very exciting life to talk/show.
you've to come out and play with your assumptions or stories. Just dont worry what she will perceive you if you fall flat if you do so, your vibe will start get worse and you will consciously notice that if you are not extremely anxious until paralysed
I like the upbeat approach you use in your videos. A lot of these manoaphere / red pill RU-vid types almost scold you and assume you are a pathetic low value man. Like their tactic is to just shame you in the first moments of their videos. I like how you just get into the facts and don’t scold us as the losers we may very well be. Lol if I want to be nagged on I will just talk to my mom or something.
You will not feel that awkward when you just master the art of verbal assuming everything that you can see surface level plus your understanding plus your childlike carefree attitude
@@ifeelhalfnaked484 bruh what? What are you 8 years old? Grown ass man can’t even type a sentence that makes sense but is giving advice on women😂. Internet clowns 🤡
1:22 I do want to make a point to disagree with this statement slightly. All those things are VERY true if you have not learned game. For instance in the beginning I would just force myself to approach girls and they could instantly pick up on the virgin vibes and so there were MANY times they would actually start openly mocking me (not the bad part) and start asking guys around them to help get rid of me through assault or other methods. It got very dangerous a few times and there was one where a fight almost did break out. It took forever but once I got a little more calibrated it stopped happening in the extremes like this. It does happen and you can't discount it. I think someone said that's why we have fear of approach because we are still running on ancestor DNA. If you approached the wrong woman back in the past and she was taken then the alpha dude could literally kill you or exile you and not get punished. In modern times I have seen women call nearby police officers and give false statements to try and mess them up for talking to them. One girl got so drunk she ended up sleeping with a guy who she thought was very ugly when she sobered up. She was so embarrassed and angry with the guy that she called the police and filed a rape charge. Thankfully he was smart enough to get the security camera footage from the bar of them making out and the hotel security camera footage of them going in together willfully. She is now in prison and not him. Everytime I meet a new girl you can better believe I am looking for the security cameras in my area. You may not have experienced these things but guys not on your level do. Now yes you can do things like uping your game, getting in shape, getting your money, etc to mitigate this but if you don't there is a VERY real danger that you can't ignore.
One thing that helped me get over my approach anxiety was immediately rewarding myself after doing the approach with something sweet. Like how a dog is rewarded with a treat when it does what its trainer asks it to. In practice, it completely removed the pressure of the approach needing to be good, because literally as soon as I walked over and said something, I actually rewarded myself with something tactile. I made a vid on it ages ago if anyone wants to watch it: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Qe-GSu9Dujs.html
Excellent video Todd. I am gonna watch this every day till I get rid of my ego issues... I've never heard anyone say a big ego actually gets in the way of building self esteem.. Amazing. Thank you so much dude
Best video on the topic EVER. Just having this realization can change everything. Todd the Goat. Please don't stop bringing us these jems, your hard work is so appreciated.
I have never been great with women and only had one serious relationship that ended in divorce which really fucked up my self esteem. I have never been rejected and I fear it more than anything which just makes no sense. Dont go to bars or clubs either, just the gym and store.
Sorry the comment that she'll forget about a horrible interaction in 5 minutes is not true. I have sisters and stepsisters they will spend hours and days talking about how creepy a guy was. That was a false statement. The rest of this I think is excellent
That's really strange. For me this whole dating thing is like driving a car. Once you know how to do it, things go automatically. It took a long time for me to learn it, but since I'm getting better and better, I'm more and more relaxed, what makes me also more attractive for girls again. So when I can rely on all THIS, why should I be scared?
9:20: this part and when you said "no wonder they're afraid to approach" legit made me tear up. It makes so much sense. Women don't have to deal with this. 90% of them have no idea. And it just helps me understand why I pat men on the back for having the guts to approach.
So true, the issue is compounded by the fact that girls often check you out more after you've had successful interactions. So reality is actually mirroring your ego and is a more objectively pleasant place to be when you are maintaining a successful ego. And you know that could be destroyed if you do another approach if it goes badly.
@@Wobbothe3rd In many countries Brazil Thailand,Poland their are 3x times more women than men in clubs and more in dating apps and meet and greets .America is just the opposite and that is why their are so many dating coaches in America this is common knowledge to us world travelers..
There most certainly is a risk - legal and therefore monetary as well as physical. The smart thing - and the best thing - to do in this legal and cultural environment is to go your own way (MGTOW).
Going mtow bc of that is mostly due to perceived fear. If the risk is that big, you must be doing something in your approaches wrong. If todd has been doing game for +20 yrs and hasn’t been imprisoned or divorced then what risks r u so scared of
I really can’t stress how much I appreciate Todd’s content. I do, martial arts, and one thing that I’m noticing are the parallels between game and Martial arts. There’s this aspect of past triumphs, and your current level of skill and ability, and your ego, versus having to reset yourself via humility , and being honest with yourself to start from scratch despite your past success, or perception of your current ability. You have to humble yourself, and still have the enthusiasm and the discipline to keep pushing yourself and risk rejection and risk losing, despite the fact that you’ve built up your ego through past successes. I guess that’s probably one of the harder aspects to process in life; Is that no matter how far you’ve come or how high that you’ve gotten or how much you’ve achieved, you still need to humble yourself and go back to the basics and always adhere to the process, as opposed to getting caught up in your past achievements and resting on one’s Laurels and wallowing in ego validation.
🙄See what you want and go after it--- be light , complimentary and interested in who she is, what she does and how she thinks. There is no loss - only missed opportunities. Your rejection is God's protection.
Iv approached four in the last two years and they all "had boyfriends" and stopped replying... So yeah no reward has made it a lot lot worse...now I just feel like im talking to a time wasting narcissistic robot who is chasing status only....
Todd, I love work/videos, but this one may be your best. We're shaped so much by our environment, and a big part of that environment is how we talk to ourselves (think).
I was never in sports, but watching this it's really making more sense when I would always hear in movies and TV coaches telling the player "get your head in the game".
Todd if you could breakdown this guy mcqueens approaches, he’s a RU-vidr does approaches with rap lyrics. Seems like he just naturally does push pulls in his game would love to see how you’d break down what he does
a lot of guys, men, have had interactions with women gone horribly wrong or horribly bad, which destroys their self-esteem, deters them a lot from approaching women ever again
funny how this video just popped and I was thinking about approaching girls today on the street and I didn't bother approaching...its like Todd read my mind.
Thanks for this. I’m still an absolute noob (which I like to think I’m not too embarrassed about) and haven’t really had any success with cold approaches. First 2.5 minutes very valuable.
I was walking behind a girl planning out my move and my legs were going and my face started feeling like it's moving... I breathed a counted to five a tried the nlp of saying its not fear its excitement but still my face was moving and I didn't really know what to say to her without just feeling dissapointed with how boring I knew she would be...
Hey Todd great video definitely a few aha moments. Another “intermediate” problem I’ve been running into is singling a girl out from her friends, specifically when I’m by myself or another girl in the group likes me and her friends can tell. I’m usually good at opening and engaging the group if they’re open to it, but have a tough time making progress with the “target” when her friends are also very engaged with me, or doing some sort of group activity? What would you recommend and what mis-steps might I be making?
Hey Todd, I had a question that I would love for you to expand on, My question how much does a girl know how attractive she is? You mentioned that when in leveling in game, you need to adjust how hot she is? Yet, does the girl knows how hot she is? In general reference how much can I expect for a girl to know how hot she is? Lets say in context in day game.
Hey I have been doing daygame for about 6 months and it gets very difficult to force myself doing so, because i have not experienced a "reward" , ie no success you are talking about, so I am losing motivation and actually start to expect rejection. Do you have any advice on it?
Good video idea I'm one of these guys and I must say you are correct about the ego part however the real reason I'm scared to bother with them most of the time is that I know what they turn into.... Satan... But if I dump them fast it should be OK...
I started studying game in 2018 after being dumped by my then girl. The FIRST video I watched was from Todd V, and because of his most unique yet most clear way of explaining this subject to you, he'll always be the best dating coach on all of youtube!
Dang you cracked my mind with the ego! Bro I have had some hot girls but then feel I might take an L because a less hotter girl will shoot me down. Thus preventing me to make more moves!! Thank you!
Ima take you advice and actually apply it bro any girl i see and genuinely find interesting ima just take action because its really not the end of the world if u get rejected shit happens everyday this one time i was at the drive thru right it was this cute girl and i didn’t say anything right but we locked eyes and shit then after that these dude came to the window and was like bro that girl who was just here said she wanted you number and i was shit yea she can have it not knowing these bitches was trollin the living shit outta me😂 so i was like is he cappin or was he serious because she came to the window laughing with her mouth covered and was like yes he was have a nice day smh not goin lie that shit stung cause like damn I thought i had somebody idk if this makes any sense but that shit felt like a rejection even tho i wasn’t pursuing but i got over it pretty easy way easier than i thought so basically from all this typing and shit rejection really ain’t that bad whatever doesn’t kill you only makes u stronger so im grateful for the experience it might be a funny story for them and there friends but you’ll probably never see them again and they wont even have the courage to say it to your face if they are talking shit so yea life goes on🤷🏽♂️
Very relatable.. I hope you include such things in the system as a structured inner game. The program is pretty good, but still feels it lacks structure. More bullet point illustrations should go long way as memory stamps while you elucidate the concepts
Gotta say Todd, this is a very good video. You were very open and honest with yourself and what you said about ego and self-esteem was honestly very enlightening and inspiring. Thank you 🙏
"I know I'm right and I'm doing right but chances are she won't realize it and be worth it" Thats what goes on in my head and it feels like it's based off reliable data collected over many years. So granted it might take a lot of attempts but I can't get the idea out of my head that that = a lot of demoralization
Because you don’t want to be attacked. That’s my fear. I’ve been punched in the back of the head before but it wasn’t that hard. It’s pretty safe out there for the most part. But the fear is still there.
This is by far one of the best videos Uncle Todd has ever made. Not only can you apply this in approaching and meeting women but you can also apply this in life. Let’s play to win fellas.
You did a good job of putting this together Todd. I like many of the points that you have made. The topic of what women are attracted to is what keeps me from spending any time on them. It may be normal that women are looking for guys that meet certain criteria but those are not the type of people that I want in my life. I take issue with that and I tend to see value everywhere.
