Idiotic Relationship Mistakes You Should Stop Making ASAP 

One of the great advantages we have as modern human beings is the ability to learn from the mistakes of others, rather than making them all ourselves. This is a brief lesson that made a big impact on me in a recent coaching call I had. I hope it helps you a ton in your next (or current) relationship!

This is what i assume Todd means by logically safe, emotionally unsafe: When you're emotionally unsafe, you're keeping your partner on their toes. They do recognize the groundedness, assertiveness, and certainty shining through you (thus, logically safe). The girl knows for instance that she is with a man that can take charge, lead, and be dominant. In practical terms, you're on your purpose and you're doing your thing. Also, she logically understands the fact that you two are dating or are in a relationship. Thus, on the logical level, the girl feels safe. On the emotional level however, to maintain the thrill and the arousal in the relationship, it's best to remain 'emotionally unsafe'. How? 1)Being mysterious at times 2)Teasing 3)Flirting 4)Not hiding the fact that you're a wanted commodity ;) 5)Playfulness 6)Unpredictability 7)Adventurousness 8)Spontaneity 9)Having female friends and a well rounded social life I don't usually comment, but i hope this was helpful. Also, Todd is brilliant. And in my humble opinion, the best.

"Logically safe emotionally unsafe" deserves its own video.

Todd you should really do some videos to expand on the Logically Safe Emotionally Unsafe idea. Theres a lot to unpack there

Jokes on you, I have zero relationships with women so I haven't made mistakes

“Logically sound; Emotionally exciting thrilling” is a better way to remember it. You have to be both the provider she can depend on and the lover she can do exciting and potentially risky (and risqué) things with

Going through this right now in a new relationship with an extremely high value girl. Instincts said to lean more heavily towards value over comfort, but she showed that she needed a high level of comfort as well in order to not try to leave the relationship. My error was providing too much EMOTIONAL comfort as opposed to logical. Thank you for defining these terms, you're absolutely correct and I still have time to get everything back to where it should be. Thanks again for years of content brother

‘Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbours see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.’ - Rollo Tomassi

It comes down to self worth. If you value yourself highly, know & respect your own boundaries and have the self love to enforce them, then you will naturally put your foot down where you need to and not let yourself be pushed around.

Todd is in his own class in terms of quality content these days. Crazy value here, specially in contrast to the degeneration of everything else. The podcast is another actual gold nugget, to anyone who hasn’t checked it out.

Interesting distinction you make between emotion and logic Todd. I was in an "almost relationship" like this fairly recently and while I didn't go full nuclear like this guy and say he was seeing other women when he clearly wasn't, I wasn't the one to initiate the talk and eventually she moved on. Some could say he/I made the mistake of not trying to lock her down, but in 2020 with all the options women have between online dating, social media, exes, orbiters, etc if she's not moving to lock you down, she's not that into you and any relationship you do get with her by forcing the issue won't be one worth having. I ALWAYS tell guys to stay on the side of not offering commitment, and dating non-exclusively because once you give her what she THINKS she wants (commitment) your value is lowered and is on a steady decline to the day the relationship blows up. There's a reason all these anecdotes and stories about the woman pining for this player who she hopes will change just for HER exist. In a sense you could say women don't know what's good for them. It'll always be better to date 3-4 different girls at once than to settle for one even if you actually want that one girl. Commitment is just the beginning of the end. Once your value is lowered, the new hot "mysterious" guy at her job or maybe on a dating app (hypergamy) becomes more appealing. Every guy is in an open relationship, most of them just don't know it.

I could see it's something like Patrice O'Neal would say. Either you can lead the relationship with your logic or a girl can lead with her emotions. So where guys fall off is they tend to spend more time making sure the girl feels good vs actually making sure the relationship is good. Is that it?

In essence, be honest with yourself about what you want & genuinely express it. Also, lead the conversation & be the one asking the questions & listen. Always have own opinion & change her mood (tease, hug, spin her, etc.) instead of only approaching conflict logically, too 💯

Todd great info throughout . Trajectory of relationships is dead on. Females desire emotionally instability/excitement and typically create it themselves via drama creation. As you stated, the trick is to find the right balance of excitement and stability. Also great advice on re-directing.

No doubt... this is actually very valid. Be emotionally unsafe, and Logically safe. Best principle for a long lasting relationship. Cheers to Todd !!!!

Todd this is very good and new content. I like that you are touching the long term relationship issues. More of this!

Great advice to not spend more time talking about the relationship than having the relationship. Thanks for this video!

You're the only man delving deep enough into mens dating advice and relationships that I can trust right now. This topic is so relevant to me. Infact truth be told I got into a relationship with an amazing girl thanks to the system. You have shaped me into a better person over the past two years. Thank you so much Todd ❤️

"Change her mood, not her mind." That's also something I've heard from another dating coach named Bobby Rio. That guy is one of the best I've seen when it comes to long-term relationships.

So sad to discover this today and not one week ago, it would probably saved my relationship

Todd Could you please explain the Logically safe vs unsafe please? I've been thing similarly for years but couldn'tput it into words

This video is perfect because this is exactly what happened to me a few months ago and what you said is so spot on, I love you lol. I remember I saw one of your videos when you said "the moment you lose the ability to walk away you're pretty much done" and I kinda got to the same conclusion you did in this video though obviously not as eloquently put.

What I think Todd refers to when mentioning being 'Logicaly unsafe' is developing an 'anxious attachment style' . Although I've taken the concept from Damien Decke's School of Attraction, the Attachment Style theory is well documented in psychology sources.

What a stupid BLOODY INSANE thing to happen. This is THE TROUBLE with all these pickup guys talking about HOW TO BE A PLAYER to EVERYONE like you WANT TO THROW AWAY that one girl you WILL HAVE a GOOD chance of a long term relationship with. Like as though you need to have 10 YEARS of being a player to find your girl. No thought that this girl MIGHT BE the one that is best for you. Both doctors, both in the same league, both in love before THE STUPID PLAYER ADVICE. What an INCREDIBLE screwup, taking advice like he's single when he's already well into a relationship with the girl. HEART BREAKING honestly.

3:45 Remind the girl how good ur relationship was, change her mood not her mind. Don't start talking about what u mean to each other and the standing of ur relationship because that's the hallmark of failing relationships. 4:05 Actions not words, spend time actually being in the relationship. Have good intereactions and remind her of how good u guys r together. 5:00 relationships usually start off with the girl way more into the guy then him into her, but then he might stat acting lower value and get complacent and stop doing those attractive things he was before. Or the girl poison drips him wth tests and makes him act beta (Don't blame girls for this, take it as a compliment because they want to be with a strong man and keep shit testing u to see if u r able to handle it and be stronger). As Dan Bacon puts it a woman's job in a relationship is to make her man emotionally strong by testing him and allowing him to grow. 5:30 emotionally thrilling but logically safe 6:20 guys make the mistake of being emotionally safe and girl knows she has him. emotionally safe = zero arousal, she knows she has u and can push u around and u will cave and jump thru her hoops etc. Walking on eggshells and bending backwards for her. 8:00 when things got heated and she started interogatting him and it's impossible to give the girl all the right answers all the time, it's a losing game. So rather u need to change the frame when she asks u trap questions and flip it on her and get her to talk. 9:30 and now most importantly u r in the role of evaluating what she's saying and she's justifying herself. And it feels good to her to be understood, most times ppl don't want solutions they just want to be heard. 10:50 Here's a tip for arguments, usually the conclusion is right based on the assumptions they gave u. So don't answer her questions black and white, instead question her assumptions. They'll present u assumptions and ask u about the conclusion. Don't just accept the assumptions, CHECK the assumptions of their narrative. Ask them **the thing that they're assuming, why do they assume that?** and get the person talking and explaining it’s very very important. A lot of the time girls want to be heard and understood. 12:00 SUMMARY OF VIDEO. girls get more hooked on the guy easily because his biological reasons since they had sex with a guy they want him to stick around for the kid. 12:50 the girl will naturally push boundaries. But once the guy starts becoming more needy and scared to lose the relationship, he loses her respect and starts acting like a little insecure pushover spineless bitch. So you can’t be afraid to lose her and be willing to always call her out on her shit 13:10 be emotionally, exciting and logically safe. get the other person, talking and get them to open up

Todd you are hands down the best dating coach and pickup artist out there. Ive sampled mystery, neil strauss, tyler (owen), julian blanc, other rsd coaches, mindful attraction, charisma king, coach corey wayne, ams, and so many others

Hey, Todd. Thanks for this video. I was thinking about why relationships sometimes get worse, even when it started very good and there were no obvious reasons for that. Can you take this theme of "Emotional trills/logically safe" for the next podcast and tell more about this part? With more examples. Thank you in advance!

Well said the only thing that I could add that if you can't flip the script and get her to start answering questions, stopped the negotiations, call timeout and resumed the next day when emotions are back in check. They couple's goal is to have a logical understanding and not an emotional deal.👍

This is a super-important vid you've made here Todd, as there's so much advice on how to get girls out there, but far less it seems on how to keep them. And what you said at the start also highlights how much bad advice there is floating around out there, and how important it is to stay true to yourself, and not just do what others want or think you should do. Awesome stuff mate. 👌👏

Honestly Todd I think this was a really important fundamental that just isn't being taught anywhere. I can see the applicable benefit of what you talked about, but it feels as though that's just the surface. Would you be able to expand on the practical applications of logically safe vs emotionally unsafe concept, and how to strike a healthy balance? When I think of successful relationships or even just fuckboys who are good at keeping women around they have this fundamental concept going for them and would be awesome to have it broken down by yourself, I think we would all benefit from it. Thanks!

Excellent ideas! This will help so many people in facing this kind of situation. Proud of your work as always!

It’s a bummer when things work out like this. The lesson about honesty is very important. Interesting that a lot of game that is being taught here, is really about being relevant in a way that lets one’s own good nature shine. Figuring out the banter is tough but once it’s ironed out, any relationship is about having real qualities and real goals. But thereafter the play is “Vitamin XYZ”.

This is why you shouldn't let external sources dictate your relationship. It's ok to ask for advice here and there, but it sounds to me like he was following a script, which is not only manipulative but downright weird. Better to try, fail and make your own mistakes than to have someone else make the mistakes for you. Learning by first hand experience is infinitely more valuable than learning from someone else. Source: I made the same mistake when I was younger.

I noticed you will have these tools naturally if you have an irrational big ego.

todd we all hope you keep delievering top content as always. in the serious pick up community we all thank you

Great value again Todd thanks! I’ve been following your relationship advice and it’s been working great for me. I hope you make another value masterclass or another program to support you, even a Patreon.

I love you todd!!! You do help tons of people with their relationships !!!

The concept of being emotionally unsafe but logically sound is insanely eye opening, but I’m still unsure of what that is. Do you have any techniques or ideas that could guide to being in that sort of state?

True 5:20 is like some times us men forget that if women liked us, it’s mainly because of our acceptance of solitude and the fact that we can offer that peace where we don’t put chains in love but use the relationship as 2shores with the same ocean where we let it be. Khalil Gibran said it better but we have to accept ourselves to be able to live alone too. Take care bruv

Great advice Todd. Most men are totally blind in this area.

You pretty much summarize a book called " never split the difference". It's about negotiation...

Great advice, but I would add a few more points. All things come to an end at some point, good & bad. The mention about how he had seen her for a few months & the relationship was poision dripping. You need to be more aloof. Your time is valuable. If you are a high status guy, you wouldn't be there for her every beck and call. See her maybe once a week max to gauge how she values your time. And it's ok to disagree with her at times too. She should be the one proving the relationship to you, not the other way around. You have to set expectations/boundaries with her early. If she is not meeting your expectations, pull back more. Let her not see you as much. You are a busy man. She will either get the point and conform to what you want, or she will move on. Better to know now than waste time to find out later.

'Logically safe but emotionally thrilling' is over-complicated wording. Let the woman know you enjoy being with her but you can don't NEED to be with her and if she tries to control the frame of the relationship you can just leave her and find someone else. You will be fine if the relationship ends. You must always be in control of the frame of the relationship. IF she tries to take control of the frame of the relationship you let her know that is a deal breaker.

Women are truly alot of work..what ever happened to the "just be yourself" 😂😂

The only gal that broke my heart loved me when I was a player. When I, for once, eventually wanted to "settle", she eventually lost attraction, even if I was still a leader, on my purpose and blablabla. I became like Todd says "emotionally safe". It's so counterintuitive to us men but its is a fact.

Great video thank you. Emotionally unsafe logically safe is really interesting I'd be curious for a video on that alone

Relationship advice videos are very welcome! Great tips!

You nailed it bro! Actually just had this interogation/digging up the past thing from a girl. Started really good and I thought I made a mistake somewhere which I don‘t really understand and lost her lol.

Damn those were quite some pratical and sensibile advice. 👏👏

Wow this guy is a freaking monster. 9 minutes in he pretty much just gave an example of s*** test and trappy questions u maybe asked. He switches the question around so easily and effortlessly. And then pain is the question back on the other person to get there opinion first while you keep your opinion and our motives on the neutral ground.

8:40 mark is a beautiful response to that question. I'm in the same boat; I want to eventually find a stable monogamous relationship but I'm learning to enjoy dating. Great great content

Incongruity between actions and intentions makes a game easy to hard!!!, your student wanting a relationship!!with this girl! And acting the opposite way!(behaving he doesn't care if she dates another guy,aka open relationship) SEE INCONGRUITY!!! ACT ON YOUR INTENTIONS B A MAN!!!

Great! I get the idea but How do you do that in a relationship? I understand the roller coaster analogy but you don't go on a roller coaster every day. It's something you do from time to time. I wonder if there would be authenticity in that kind of relationship, I feel like at some point I would get tired.

Excellent clarity.

More relationship game & advice please! This is good, tx.

When will you reopen your immersion programs? Gyms have recently reopened in US so I think the immersion program also can reopen

amazing video! I was so confused on how to answer her tricky questions. But what else could someone do to make it emotionally unsafe

This man knows how to love women.

I'm pretty confident I understand what you mean by "logically safe". I wish there was a bit of development on what you meant by "emotionally unsafe" though. What kind of emotional thrills should we include in a relationship? This seems to be more towards the cutting edge of your dating science, so I totally understand if it's difficult to put into words. A lot of this is just intuitive.

I didnt quite get that logically and emotionally safe/unsafe thing, can someone give me some examples ?

Give us a break Dude. You always have to be ready to drop her and never look back otherwise she loses respect and values him less or not at all !

Best vid of yours in '20.

Dropping epiphanies.... left right and centre, it would be great if you expand on " Logically safe emotionally unsafe idea' with more examples.

Dude’s inter-personal relationship intellect is off the charts 📈

You should also maybe do videos on more exercises. Like talking slowly. Also exercises or examples on body language. Do videos on things that people can actively do when they can't go out and be social because of this pandemic.

More on this topic! Dante talks about this on the black Philip show, but I never got what he ment until I watched this.

There’s a guy uploading your super old content and I gotta say you’re one hella funny guy

The Best, thanks Todd!

Amazing topic Todd love it

Would love if Todd or anyone elaborate on emotionally unsafe examples and the logically safe with examples that exist in day to day conversation

Most Informative Gem Ive Learned

would be good to make a video about that meotionally unsafe because i think you"re right with that and i feel i am also in the same situation that is why she went to a guy that has more options and give her more of that rollercoaster. i always fall back into too comfortable or don't know how to create more of that rollercoaster when dating her for some months and she lost the spark of the thrill

If any girl tries to get me to commit by being as open about it as I am, then I'm not going to commit. Thats the exact opposite action that she should take. I'd never commit to a girl that did something like that

Great point as always Todd 👏 If you guys want more great advices I highly recommend to check Patrice O'Neal and his old radio shows appearances, especially The Black Phillip Show. I swear, he changed my life and mindset, and save me after a hard break up.

Young doctors in love.

Hey Todd.. if you watching this comment.. drop a vid explaining - "How to maintain a long term emotionally unsafe or thrilling (as you phrased it) relation with consistency" Consider explainin' with some examples maybe

This whole video could basically be summarised to: stop fucking gaming when you don't need to and you won't make the girl defensive and end up gaming you back. Why is the PUA community so passive-aggressive towards women even when things are going just fine. Jesus Christ

I met this girl a year ago in my work... very beautiful. So in the beginning I do not qualify her in anyway so she started to chase me. I fucked up so many times when I realize she wanted me that finally she started another relationship. She still follows my games and shows interest but now she has invested a lot in his new relationship. I like her and unconsciously I did qualify her in things that make me feel so good. Now she's almost leaving this job and starting a new stage but she insist in mantain the relationship I guess to leave an open option I have a lot of emotion going on and it is kind of difficult to keep mind clear. I do not want friendship. So... What shall I do in this situation? What to do when a girl has a boyfriend but she's chasing you?

Game changer. Thanks man

Good example of where the game ends and life gets serious. Maybe it is a way better strategy to be serious from the start?

Hey there ! Should you ask a women twice after she kinda rejected you ? Because, maybe I was too vague and not persistent enough to show her my intentions, this why IDK yet. And we both are working at the same place ( I know thats clingy, right ? ). Still, I asked by message and she didnt answered at all. She asked me at workplace after the weekend has passed. " I saw your message, did it was about work or smth else ? " She seemed exicted and were smiling. But I was already miserable inside me cause she didnt message me back. I said, like a loser. " Ehm, it's about smth else, but nevermind and forget about it. ". Should I try again when I feel like it's the right moment ? Should I forget about her, be cold but leave the door open ? Should I forget about her, be cold and never open the door ?

From all these relationship pickup videos you can see on the internet like RSD , Corey Wayne, Mystery ... Only Todd is without any kind of bullshit.

Telling a girl you want an open relationship is stupid as fuck. Lots of girls subconsciously get it and are actually willing to go with it but they don’t want to be told in their face.

When's verbal game academy coming out?

2:10 - You have to be three times as good when giving them less time? I feel like it’s the opposite.

Always good, next level 3🔥🤘🔥

So... this guy would have actually had a successful relationship if he didnt listen to the dating coaches... sorry to say this but you said it 😂😂 guys just live your life the way u want

If you care about relationship failing, you've already failed.

I think the mistake of not committing because of the advice in the community is common

good point - almost happen to me - had to recovery from this

Hey Todd, I have a great relationship with a girl and we're in love. But I'm 23 and I've already been with her for a while, I feel like I'm missing out on other girls even though everything is great between us. Should I break up with her and start going out again or should I stay with her? Thank you!

thanks

Has anyone here heard of a guy called Chris Voss? I noticed something Todd did. And that's label the girl right before he switched to becoming the interviewer. If he kept that up, mirroring and labeling. Dude would be set.

The only Truth, is the Red Pill.

Uhhh okay this is brilliant!

This guy is not ready for any girl. If he needs a coach every step along the way...

How do you reconcile with a wife who has last love and interest Now separated 5 months . 25 year together.

Is not being yourself and manipulating a girl love?

And thus rollercoaster theory was born.

How can we contact you for this sort of thing. Got a Marriage need to save... and it already might be too late but still very much worth it