Joe is right. They have a sense of entitlement. One thing I never did was chase or beg him. I did start matching his energy. I discarded him in the end, I lost myself in the whole game. To him it was a game to me it was my life. I saw through the mask and I could no longer entertain him. Still healing. Still working on me. In the end I chose me. After I’d lost myself and a ton of money he ‘borrowed’. To go no contact was the Best decision ever. Healing, growing and gradually regulating my emotions and brain chemistry.
Louise? I did the same....My ex wife is the one with the the burden. Our journeys sound very similar....we both broke free! We are not alone.....and, we are not co-dependant. Thats just the projected nonesense that they try to label us with . Move on Lady....We know what we are worth and its better than this ! 🙏
@@ragingspeedhornabsolutely! I’m doing the work and I’m a work in progress. 13 months out, independent, boundaries now in place, standards, values and moral compass now aligned and none negotiable. I’m not the person I was but that’s a good thing because she was a puppet/doormat/banker/pushover. Not any more 💪😊 Good luck to you too. We’ve got this.
Likewise, you-as the victim of a narcissist-are chasing a feeling, albeit in a healthy manner and as an individual who is seeking a reciprocal loving relationship. When you are in a relationship with an emotionally healthy person, this feeling you are chasing is based on the fact that the other person loves you back because of who you are, your core personality, what you embody and what you represent. When you are in a relationship with a narcissist, the feeling you are chasing is due to the fact that they intensely idealize you, at first at least. It's like they take a picture of you, they embellish it, they stick it to a mirror and turn back the mirror towards you. In other words, you are falling in love with an unsustainable idealized version of yourself through the narcissist's gaze.
No. Narcissists construct an ideal version of you in the beginning. Because you are human, you will inevitably fail to adhere to that version of you. Once you fail, you’re history.
@@Yepperdyyepyep Right...so, we're in a double-bind, from the gate. Adhering to the narc's idealized version of ourselves is impossible, because that person doesn't exist, and on some level, we know this. An early red flag can be the discomfort that comes from sensing falseness in their love-bombing tactics.
This is the price we have to pay dealing with someone who is not right in his head, this was not the best part of our life, but we went through it and we will pay much more intention to the person before we trust one. Thank you Joe, great as always ! 🤗❤
When my narcissistic ex broke up with me and I moved out, she chided me for giving up “too easily.” Perhaps she wanted me to chase her. But I had already been discarded by her once before, and hoovered, and I already knew that if we somehow made up again, we would end up in an even worse place than ever before, so what was the point? The pattern became crystal clear to me after the second discard. I felt that I loved her, I found her very attractive, but at that point, nothing was worth going through this excruciating emotional pain.
I can relate. When I confronted her about her infidelity, she criticized me for being "too calm." They're a whirlwind of dysfunction. Best to let them go as soon as we are able to.
@@Xenophanes198 Exactly! Guess you didn’t give her enough supply. The narc demon that was in my life told me I should fight for him after he slept with 2 other people. What a loser!
Yeah of course she wanted you to chase, beg, and pleading. The more of that the bigger boost/supply she would have got. It's all about them entitlement and NO empathy. One sided
Thank you! This is one of the most accurate descriptions of what it’s like to be with a narcissistic demon. They destroy from the inside out! Sick! The key is to know when you’re dealing with a narcissist or toxic person.
the worst part is not truly knowing what a narc is, how they operate. thoroughly educating ones self on the subject = understanding. i found out totally by chance, several months after kicking her to the curb for good.
Oh yes they want everything you offer. I was even writing CV’s, creating posters, offering business advice - everything to offer a leg up and ladder to climb. And that was all that was cared about! I never even got a thanks /:
I never once chased him. Never once reached out to him first. He asked me on three separate occasions why that was and I’d repeat I just didn’t feel the need or ever have the desire to, and how he wasn’t a priority to me. I’m an educated empath so I knew exactly what I was doing and who I was dealing with. It incensed and frustrated him NO END. He gradually distanced himself but still pops up every now and then to check what I’m doing. I told him I’ll always be the one that got away, and he called me the devil 😂
Sounds like me too… I said your games don’t work on me. I would never chase, I would never claim him publicly because he was community property…nobody owns a park bench it belongs to the city , that if anyone knew what he actually was they would have nothing to do with him….
After all the disrespect disregard for me I still found myself trying to bring peace to a table that I had two chairs but one person was missing and that person never took a seat!….
I don’t want anyone putting me on a pedestal, nor will I put anyone on a pedestal. It’s kind of weird form of worship, and that makes an unbalanced relationship. I don’t get all hung up on movie stars or singers, etc. either. It’s just not my thing. As to “sharing assets,” that’s not happening unless we are married (narcissist or not). That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t maybe buy dinner or a gift or occasionally help but I am just too old fashioned to giving that much access to someone I am not in a marriage with. That don’t fly and that’s how so many women get swindled by someone they barely know. And I am sure it happens to men as well. I want someone I can trust and build with. A true helpmate. That doesn’t mean that financially they need to be equal because that’s not always realistic, but both should be contributing fully without having to worry about the other taking advantages and there should be open communication and agreement about spending. I could go on and on about this but I won’t live with the uncertainty with finances, etc like I did with my ex husband. He dang near wrecked my credit with the way he refused to pay the mortgage for 2-3 months while we were going through our divorce.
This covert ex friend hide a persona that is almost stalker like she's not only deeply religious (her own self serving version of a religion) she also worships celebrities. Imagine groupies beating people up for their idols 😂😂😂
@@redefinedliving5974 It’s not uncommon for a covert narcissist to be very rigid and ultra orthodox in their religious beliefs. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink and it’s the same premise of trying to force others to behave or believe in the same way you do. As to resorting to physical violence regardless of who or the situation is extreme in its own right. Unless it’s self defense.
@@kerimorgan6665 Oh she loves taking the image of a weak, nice person so no, she won't do that. Shell butcher you with words wrapped in niceties and concern. I remember her being one of the few person I shared my discovery of the narcissism in my family. She even told me one time that she's worried she might be narcissist and I was the one, confident to tell her no you're not. Took me the darkest most vulnerable moment in my life to see her true colors. Imagine a friend who offered to help in the first place stomping on you while you're already crawling on the floor. I shared how much I was struggling and she devoid of real empathy gave me even more emotional burden wanting me to solve her problems (running to me telling me she's having panic attacks all victim stories that aren't even that serious that she deliberately caused herself, it's as if she's competing who suffers more) I was willing to help because I was the one sharing so much at that time bc of my family situation so it all flew right over my head. It took me saying no bc I was literally overwhelmed with problems when she wanted to be accompanied to a dentist that her true character began unravelling!!!! I only moved 2 weeks ago in her hometown and my dogs were still anxious and kept on barking. The mall was hours away. She didn't care. Slowly I realized she was sabotaging me bc I finally escaped my family and I might become more successful than her. She started criticizing me more bluntly that she never ever did before lol it was so confusing. Well, the intelligent person that I am gave her another chance after almost a year despite all of this. Only for me to realize the extent of her nastiness . I told her to talk about these problems and guess what she did. Keep delaying and delaying even if she already gave her word. She turned it around with something so trivial and attacked me with everything she's been hiding all these years. Just because I called her out on her passive aggression. Anyways lol. Glad She took herself out before I finally start living my life anew without all the narcs in my life!!!
@@redefinedliving5974 Wow, definitely sounds as if there may be some underhandedness on her part. How does one truly quantify suffering, because two people can go through identical experiences and it impact them differently. So that is kind of an odd way of competing with someone else. Although that competitiveness can be a narcissistic trait. I can relate to you being there for her, but when you needed help she wasn’t there for you. I have had friends like that or they pretend to be there and care. That’s not a good feeling at all. So it’s good that this person be cut off. Don’t ever take the blame or put yourself down for trying to do the right thing for someone else. There needs to be genuine compassion, give and take. Her actions reflect poorly on her and that is not on you. Sounds as if there was some jealousy towards you or at least you were feeling that was the case. That’s quite likely since you mentioned the competitiveness in who was suffering more. The criticism and nasty behavior or attitude towards you is likely from her own insecurity. The relationship definitely sounds unbalanced. What makes this situation even more devastating is that you are already trying to remove toxic familial relationships and that’s when you need outside support from friends the most only to realize that you may not have that support; which just leaves you feeling more isolated. I am truly sorry that you had to go through that. Hopefully you feel like this is a safe place to vent and to feel like you have a positive support system to help walk you through this. I know what it’s like to walk through it all alone and I hope you know you are not alone. It does get better and easier with time… 🙂
I hate how he was making hints as to be something more, sexual jokes etc. But when asked he said he don't love me in romantic way. Just as friend. Yet he wanted us to share pictures and be fwb (? I guess, idk what was his agenda, If to really meet one day or only wanted my private pictures). So he was showing signs as wanting something more, and I am not making this up or not understanding the signs. He was really saying things like he would "give it a shot" to try to date me and stuff like that. Can't explain all but there were many hints. Yet, when asked he denied. But then said later stuff as he would work hard so his future wife doesn't have to and so on. Like who says things like that out of nowhere? After we shared pictures as he pushed me for so long time. Ugh.... Also it sucks so much that they invest into us fake care and fake love, while we not only get used, but we traded SOMETHING REAL for their fake! Thats what angers me the most. We got such a bad trade, got exploited +abused. As if being exploited wasn't bad enough. They dare to rip us off of our self esteem, self worth and so on.
Great explanation about the chasing giving them supply. Super helpful. (You could also add you insta posts to your community tab here for more engagement on RU-vid.)
I am blessed to have had this 6 month temporary (EXPERIENCE) Human/Non-human?? in my life I know what I want & I know what I do not want ✅ Educated ✅ ZERO contact with biological family as well ✅ Changed 📱 ✅ Moved 700 miles away ✅ Peace of Mind ❤❤❤❤❤ Thank you God WWG1WGA❤UNIVERSALLY❤WIDE ❤
Every single hoover was followed shortly by ‘why did you never reach out’ after he’d treated me badly every time…. Then making me feel bad for not reaching out 😢 it has made me come out of this discard blaming myself for it and if I’d have chased there would have been a different outcome ❤️🩹
