The most valuable, non-clinical, content & perspective of narcissism & personality disorders you will come across. With key insights into self-care, acceptance, using all experiences to build you stronger & better. Together with a few other interesting facts about relationships and human psychology.
I was the primary supply for 11 years. We were not married. I was his second longest relationship after the mother of his two sons. Post-separation, I told him it was over and that there was no way we could remain friends. Plus I had vowed to myself that if he ever cheated again that would be it. I had no clue at that point about narcissism. I think I may have unintentionally caused a narcissistic ego injury. When he left for a newer supply, he proposed to her six weeks after he left, and they married within six months. The woman he married was a #hoover from 38 years before, she was an ex girlfriend. I have no idea if his relationship has survived. But I have survived through two litigations in the Spanish Courts.
My narcissist daughter emotionally abused me off and on for 26 yrs. I had no information on Narcissism whatsoever until about 3yrs ago. The push pull and isolation was extreme without a reason to treat me that way. Then September 2023 I found out she joined a religious cult at age 19 and sacrificed me as her Mother. Omgggggg the rage that came out of me was volcanic and on the level of a EXTREME earthquake. AFTER I SERIOUSLY CUSSED HER AND HER HUSBAND OFF I BLOCKED BOTH OF THEM AND THEY ARE STILL BLOCKED. HOW FREAKING DARE .... NOW SHE'S HOVERING USING STRANGE PHONE NUMBERS AND STRANGE MESSAGES. SHE ISOLATED ME FROM MY GRANDKIDS BUT TRIED TO ACCUSE ME OF HURTING HER KIDS BECAUSE I BLOCKED HER AND HER HUSBAND FROM MY LIFE. SHE TRAPPED HERSELF.
"They don't have empathy. They just use you." Really hard to hear, but oh boy, it's true. We hope against hope that it isn't true, that we could help them, but it's true. It feels like a personal failure of our own. It is a personal failure, yes. Alas. It's their own failure, not ours. We still want to fix that. We cannot. We tried and failed. Time to accept that we cannot improve the N. We're then stuck with improving ourselves. -- a project that is do-able. We can always wish them well, but we can't fix them. That's their own province.
By far this is one of the best videos on these type people that I have heard. They cone in strong and real and you open up. Expecting the same in return . They pull away emotionally while still being in your company. It feels intentional. Great message. Thank you.
I remember my narc GF said one time, "I could have lunch with the Queen of England"....she was bragging about her preceived social skills. I was thinking, would you tell the Queen that you work at the lunch meat counter at Whole Foods??
My ex-narcissist always told me that I was too vigilant and overprotective of myself and that I should loosen up. I just protected my boundaries and waited to see how he would behave. In the end, it was the right decision as I found out who he really was and he couldn't break me.
Sir you deliver your message with kindness and calmness. Your topics are right on point. They touch on topics that aren't spoken out loud but are in your mind. Thank you Sir....
Frankly, I think that the "trauma bond" is never vanquished and destroyed. It always lingers. Be careful. Always remember the trauma bond and remain comfortably alert. When you think it's gone, well, expect trouble. Good point about dropping hope. Still, one's never quite out of the woods I would't get insouciant or cocky. I've made that mistake.
After listening to your videos today I blocked him on both cell phone and Facebook. In the end it would always have the same ending. We try to rationalize their ways but their ways have no feeling or character about them. Thank you for letting me see this. If they truly loved you their attention would never have changed to pull them away. They only pull away because they want to be pulled away!🌹
Ok your video is good except if they found too good of a supply and have now access to a different social circle and are moving on with the supply, I think you are the last person on their minds. Sure they would take pleasure in seeing you cry or die in some sombre corner. So demonic these people.
He was evicted from my house and now lives in home paid for by daughter. Yesterday when I disagreed when he wrote a “book” on how we are all God, he threw my dear sick dog on the floor, kicked me out of his house and said he would never go to church with me cause I would ruin it for him. I am done, done with giving him 1k per month that of course he keeps secret from everyone.
It has been said, "Those that don't learn from history are bound to repeat it." History proves to us that there is nothing new under the sun, including narcissism (selfish self-serving people that will always look after their own interest and not that of their fellow man). It matters not where they are in our life. It can be a family member be it a mother, a father, a brother, or a sister, an aunt, uncle, or cousin. It can be your next-door neighbor, fellow churchgoers, or in a business relationship. In other words, they are amongst us in society at large on every level. We've tried to change the world by being in it, and being an influence for good, seeing the best in people regardless of their poor behavior, wanting to give them the benefit of the doubt, and beleving in an inherent sense of good that we feel must be behind even poorest of their behaviors. It's difficult to turn off those feelings of empathy, as we don't want to see them as monsters, but in the end, we learn that we cannot change anyone but ourselves, and we have to leave them behind for our own good, and not look back, yet learn from the lesson. Comming to this acceptance then frees us from being taken advantage of, but the desire to see them set free from the very hell they've created for themselves, and others still lingers. I suppose that it will be a mystery till the end of the age, and we find out why life had to be so difficult, when love is still the answer. Hopefully these experiences will help us to hone our intuition and decernment to a level that gives us better insights regarding our own spiritual growth, development and healing, so we're no longer their targets, and we're the wiser for it as we turn away from them and close the chapter of our past relationships with people like that.😊❤😊
I'm glad I Left mines alone I don't know no evil person who put sugar in my gas tank and messed up my whole car and killed two of my dogs who really does that to someone he said he loved and cheated on me with someone else its just plain evil. I'm getting my life back. Best thing I ever done by leaving the peace of shit alone for ever.. I trust God..
My ex narc, tried hoovering me numerous times every weekend for about a month and a half, but I didn't answer, I didnt press ignor or blocked her, I just ignored her calls and texts. She eventually just started calling from different numbers, I didn't answer, i knew it was her, i already know at which hours she will hoover if decides to do so. she started calling private after that, i knew it was her. No one calls private anymore, unless it's a detective calling at 7 am on a monday morning. I still didn't answer. Then she tried using my cash app card, good thing I don't keep money in there. Canceled it, and got a new one. I know her behavior, she hooks up with what ever guy buys her a beer and a cheeseburger thursday through sunday, then feels bad about it and has the audacity to try and hoover me. No thanks, cum bucket. I sometimes remeber the goodtimes , how i felt about her. That was my woman, she wasn't a 10, but she was mine, and I protected, loved, respected and was loyal to her. It meant a great deal to me. Tought I had earned the same back. It hurt me to find out i was dead wrong. It was all an illusion i had made up in my mind. To find out hurt but it liberated me. It's a shame she is who she is. There was a time when i would fold to the hoovers, but this time i couldn't go back even if i really wanted to. I cant unsee what I saw.
Are they also in competition with you after the discard? I went no contact straight after I left, 5 months in now. I improved myself for myself, went to the gym e.g.I I am sure he expected me to stay where he left me which didn‘t happen.
We accomplished a lot together. He was living a separate life behind my back. When he was busted, I wanted him to move. I filed for divorce. He begged me not to leave. I was surprised. He realized he messed up. He destroyed the life I thought we had. He regrets how that will affect him. He tries to convince me nothing belongs to me. He cannot change. I live in a separate part of the house. I don’t want to be near to him. Narcissist are disgusting, especially when they get caught. To be so disgusting and unable to self reflect or change. So sad. It wasn’t another woman. He was destroying me behind my back.
I never comment, but now I got to say that I listen to you from Brazil 🇧🇷 Since I'm already here: I like the way I feel with your videos' content and the tone of your voice. It brings me peace and faith. The videos have been my companion, to help me overcome the situation... The "good reasons" for being through this haven't shine here yet. Thank you very much for your channel, Joe
😢😩😔let me tell y’all somethin’, I’m sittin’ here trippin’ on how I wound up in this new mess, you know? I got this dude I’m dealin’ with, but I don’t even know what he really is to me-he ain't no boyfriend, that’s for damn sure. I know thats the first mistake I made, but we were in the talking stage, we ain’t never put a title on it, nothin’ like that, we didn’t establish none of that, We was just caught up in the heat of the moment, lettin' our lust take over, and now bam! I’m sittin' here wonderin' what I did wrong, like, how the hell I didn’t learn from my past? Why I gotta keep putting myself back into these messed-up situations? We just let all that lust twist up our heads and now look, I’m pregnant again with my second baby, and I’m like, what the hell did I do? It’s like history repeatin’ itself, and I’m sittin’ here alone again, just like with my first son Sincere’s pops who straight abandoned me, like I was some ol’ piece of trash. I was there, givin' my all, and now I’m back in this same spot, thinkin’ about how I didn’t learn a damn thing from last time.It’s all on me, though, I made this bed, and here I am actin’ like I ain’t gotta lay in it. I know reality, I’m tryin’ to face up, but damn! This cat, he be actin’ all tough and sh** but then tries to turn everything on me like I’m the one who made this baby pop up all by myself, like it don’t take two to tango, ya know what I’m sayin'? I ain’t tryin’ to trap nobody; I just wanted some companionship, someone to keep me company, but now I’m lookin’ at this mess like, ‘What did I do wrong?’ It’s like the same old story, and I shoulda learned by now, but here I am, stuck with second chances that turned out just like the first. All this was so unplanned, and we used protection, but somehow, here we are again, and this dude has ghosted me for five whole days. I’m tryin’ to reach out, sendin’ texts, callin’, and crickets, ya know? It’s like I’m just tryna get in touch, but he’s actin' like I don’t even exist, and the fear’s settin’ in, makin’ me question every damn choice I’ve made.
I wonder... How to determine that you were narcissist's "Primary source", in other words "the best supply"? Cause, narcissist goes from one supply, to another... So it is possible, that you were not 'the best source', maybe you were the one he tried to replace his 'primary supply' with!?! Are there any 'signs' to be taken in consideration? Maybe, this knowledge would help 'victims' to move on, heal quicker? Realty check for a 'victims'. At some extent during they recovery Thank you
Before the final discard, there was a previous one where he left me for over 6 months. I was devastated. There was a death in his family in the 7th month and I reached out to him, to make sure he was ok. I was trying to be a decent human being but as soon as we were talking again, I found myself professing my love and devastation in being without him. He ended up coming back to live under my roof, immediately. He apologized for what happened previously and even went so far to tell me it was all him, not me. I’ll never forget it because he told me I was the best, sweetest woman he’d ever had. Within 2 weeks of him coming “home” I knew I made a mistake… He was refusing to get a job, laying around and taking advantage again. He ended up cheating on me and leaving me again within 7 months. The way he treated me during those months was worse than ever before… I felt like an unwanted, sometimes hated, roommate in my own home. The things he said to me, I’ll never forget. I am a little over 1 year no contact now, and healing. I will never ever communicate with him again.
Your remarks about learning as a kid to love a toxic care-giver no matter what -- really resonates. It explains why I can be morbidly dedicated to someone whom I want to help. No wonder I'm a Cluster-B magnet. . . still. It's is very persistent. Thanks for that insight.
The narcissist can only offer a mirage of what you desire, as they aren't capable of giving you what you want. Love, respect, fidelity, understanding, empathy, etc. They are mentally, emotionally, and spiritually broken people who are looking to you to supply them with the very thing you're seeking from them. You are tricked into thinking that they are going to hold up their end of the bargain. What you end up with is a Dr. Jeckle, Mr. Hyde scenario until you finally figure them out. Since you're emotionally attached via the trauma bond, they're hoping that you'll stay attached to them emotionally so they can still harvest your emotional energy as a vampire, again, and again. The only way to break the bond is to walk away and determine to stay away via no contact, or if kids are involved, perfecting the grey rock method. They will test you as you are healing via no contact or getting a rise out of causing conflict or lying about you when you grey rock them. Truth be told, you are as broken as they are, the only difference is if you're willing to go into self love that's unconditional for yourself and not seek it externally from those that are incapable of giving you validation through codependancy, reparenting yourself, then you'll be on the road to freedom! It's not an easy journey, nor for the faint of heart! 😊❤😊
