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My last relationship was the worst thing ever in my life, I regret why I didnt walk earlier.. Then I lost my self when we were together. Now, I get my life back and I say goodbye to him, forever.
Love is a 2 way street. Doesn't matter how much you love someone, if they aren't giving back as much as your giving them, then it might be time to move on. If he does really care about you, he'll fight for you. Make sure he's not fighting for the things he's getting from you, make sure he's fighting for you specifically. People stay in relationships for the things they get from them. Like a roof over their head, if your paying the bills, and so forth. They need that stuff, they don't really need you personally. Don't let yourself be used. The one that loves you most in life, should never have you questioning if they love you or not. Just asking that question, tells you the answer. It's hard to find the One. You're likely to hit and miss a few times, before you find the right combination of things, that fit you, and you them. Trying to force a key into a lock that doesn't belong, will never really end well. It should be a smooth, perfect fit, and well oil mechanism. You should never have to fight it to get it to work.
OT, but as I was watching all I could do was stare at the glow around him. His aura? It was white around his body and very light purple around his head. Don’t know what it means but I’ve seen auras around people before, never purple though. Maybe he’s enlightened, but it was cool to see!
I like nice guys, and nice guys do not finish last. They can finish first! All they, every day, for the rest of their life. The problem is, the nice guys, aren't really nice at all!
@@HongFeiBai You weren't hubby material for her, just a friend who occasionally is there for her. Not trying to be an A-hole, just the truth. You want more? Don't audition for the role of being her friend or the friend of a girl besides her. Simple enough. I am not saying you should audition to be an A-hole or a f*ckboy, but if you start counselling a girl you've just met, you've dug your own grave with your own shovel.
Guys who ghost good girls/women simply means those guys don’t deserve them and most likely he’s a dusty, player, fkbois and all those shiz and she’s not willing to put up with his bs.
@@p3rsevere Nah, that's something else. Has to be someone who's *always* neglecting someone they're potentially with, or even worst on their part if they're actually romantically with said person & are still neglecting them. Means they truly don't deserve their partner, or potential love interest from the get-go beginning.
I'm a nice girl who gets ghosted. I'm not being nice because I think their happiness is my responsibility, I'm nice because I'm nice. Obviously guys don't want that which I guess means some of us are not meant to be in a relationship.
I have always thought that if I gave so much love to him, and he would have realized that i truly love him. But all wrong, more attention i gave to him, more feelings i shared with him, and more i catering to his needs, less respect he gave to me.
Exactly what has happened to me...gave 1000% of my love my time my resources and it wasnt enough to make him see ...2 yrs later I just broke it off cold and he insulted me accused me of many awful things yet i gave always...im heartbroken 🖤🥀💔
I would bend backwards just to make him happy and that made me feel depressed overtime. Left him for good, after having enough of his crap. Now he's begging to come back. Uhuh! No thanks! I am better without him. Thanks for the videos,Geert
That happened to me me too. I woke up one day and said it was enough. Feeling so much better! He is of course, messaging me twice per week...just being selfish...
Men LOVE to dump their responsibility off from their shoulders to the women's. If I don't love you - it's your fault, if I don't want you - it's your fault, and me is an angel.
Exactly. Blame shifting is al toxic. A guy ghosted me and returned. I had some choice words to say and told him to leave and he blamed me for things. It was bit my fault. Blocked him.
Had a guy said I should’ve asked him if he was off work instead of asking if we were still in for the plans we made for that evening at 6:30...so at 6:30 I texted him are we still on?? But it’s my fault cause I should’ve asked this or done that...NOPE NOPE NOPE. Honey YOU need to communicate. Lol I ignored him for a day and he went off via text saying he didn’t want to keep talking. BLOCKED, didn’t even respond
And both genders ‘LOVE’ to generalize every person into a single gender. Seriously, is there no difference between all men or all women now? Almost infinite possibilities exist for both genders. Some common ones are culture, how people were raised, educated, their experiences, maybe insecurities, even mental conditions. And an extra side note for cocky men AND women: People who believe they have nothing more to learn have the most to.
Fax. I’m done with all these vids on what to do and what not to do and games and shit. I’ll just be myself and if someone doesn’t appreciate it, okay whatever, next.
@@annefloorfooij7432 lol. Exactly what I said. Just be you. If you have to play games to figure someone out or win them then maybe they’re aren’t for you.
3:15 🤣😂😭 this is so repelling lol 💯 true. If u try to please the other person too much u loose yourself and your self worth, and that's how others will treat u too - second to none
You have to really study people. There are some bad guys who act like they care. Only to get what they want, and its over. We can't be naive when it comes to matters of the heart.
I have always been the polite, sweet, and nice girl. It has rarely served me well in life, especially with men. I have always been passed over for another woman or taken advantage of by narcs and players. I am tired of being nice all the time and losing.
@@BobSmith-uw8flyup, go to “why don’t women like nice guys video” they’ll be telling you how they think nice guys are pushovers but fall for players instead.😂
There is nothing wrong with showing a little humility and discretion especially in our close relationships but he's right, if you find yourself obsessing over his feelings or obligated to make him happy then you're doing it wrong.
I'm kicking myself for allowing a guy to breadcrumb me for almost 2 years. 😭 A young doctor I met while overseas. He got his VISA and promised to come visit me in the states, but has not. Lately he has been saying, "I'll call you tomorrow" but never does. I wasted hours daydreaming what it would be like to live overseas with him, what our kids' names would be, etc... I finally decided about 2 weeks ago, I was DONE. When I reminded myself that every other guy I message responds within 3 hours and he rarely actually ever responds, I really decided I was done with the game.
Ugh, you deserve respect and the doctor wasn't giving it to you. You're way better off without him. God bless you. You will find the right man. But keep hoping!
What a Treasure! I am this type of woman when dating who tries to please him instead of being myself. Every word in this video is like a message from God! I greatly appreciate your videos. THANK YOU BRIAN!!
I have only just realised that my exs feelings are not my fault or my responsibility I suffered for months but it was all one sided I tried to make it work but he just used me for money and other things
If this is actually true, good job. However, not all of everything the person in your relationship is like ISNT your responsibility, and it’s a toxic thought to think which can easily corrode a relationship, and worse, it’ll be your fault.
Yes! It just takes patience and discipline not to waste energy on men who don’t have the same vision for their life or their relationship with you. You will find your person! I despise online dating and shockingly met my fiancé using Match.com. I’m very with him but it took a lot of broken hearts and tough lessons before I find my person. Good luck 🍀
My recent ex of 5 years told me today that one of my best qualities is I'm very nice and kind....one of my worst qualities is I'm TOO NICE. 🙄 I'm convinced you have to kind of treat them like shit now.
I swear to all that is good, I will kick my wall as hard as I can if I see “Edit: oOoOoO Why didn’t he want to be with mEeEe all I did was use him as a rug!?!?!”. There is indeed a medium between treating people like rugs and giving them too much attention. You know you’ve crossed into the ‘rug’ territory when you believe in “All [Your Gender] are Queens/Kings, treat them like that!” and you’ve obviously started over draining yourself into a relationships when both your male and female friends are telling you so. Thank you. Sorry if this is long, but I’m tired of both genders being sexist. Thank you again.
Kind vs nice. I'm kind, open, honest and emotionally available. Have boundaries is a must. The men that run away have issues within themselves or not emotionally available.
I ghosted a girl recently. We met on a party and we made a deal to go out for drinks. The next day I got a message from friend saying she is asking why didnt I contact her. I got the message in less than 5 hours since we have seen each other, that was weird. After that we started texting and I told her that I dont want to text a lot because I want to leave get to knowing each other for live meeting. She said she likes texting and I would have to deal with it. After that she said she would go out with me only if I take her for dinner and not drinks which seemed a bit rude for me. She said by taking her to dinner I would prove I have serious intensions. And my opinion was how can I have serious intensions with you when I met you once in person. So she was texting a lot and I didnt know how to tell her I dont want to go out with you anymore, I have lost interest. So I was thinking how to write that and on the end I didnt write anything. So I am a jerk, I know it. I was ghosted also once, and I know it is not nice. So my opinion is if a guy ghosted you he doesn't like you or doesn't see future with you. Maybe you are too religious and he finds that weird or you don't believe in God and he is religious. If you swear a lot he may find that attractive or really ugly. And the real truth is: If someone is really into you it is really hard to scare them away. Also if someone isn't into you there is no advice someone can give you that will make someone want you.
That girl deserves a better man than you. For sure you wanted sex, she was honest and made her intentions clear. Usually guys asking going for drinks are not serious. They want sex, and then go with the flow.
You are truly a gift from God. Your insights help us women to regain what we have loss to a certain man who doesn't deserves us in the first place. I hope everyone will find peace and real love ❤coz, thats how it should be. It hurts, yes! But lets not forget that self-respect and self-love must comes first. ✨💗 HEALING FOR EVERYONE. 🙏🏻 Empowered woman on its way. 😘😉
Funny video, Brian! You can't "make" a man do anything! You gotta love and be yourself first. If he's right for you, he'll be interested. Ninety-nine percent of the dudes out there will NOT be right for you...and that's OK. You gotta kiss a lot of frogs!
a therapist once said to me.... if you decide to be your grown-up self, then there is no longer a being "nice"... there is a being "respectful and friendly"... (hope you get it in english...) but it's not so easy to change and not only a point of decision making... because being nice can be a very strong pattern (that was very useful once as a child) ...
That is truth... I made that mistake in the past. No matter how hard I tried I was worst than better for him every next meeting. If he don't like a real me it is just a wasting time... Hard but real. Better understand this faster than later. When we love someone we are blind. We want be loved so much too. But we forget respect themselves.
I was writing paragraphs of text about my anger at you, but I just realized your soulless, brainless self would brush it off due to lack of cognitive function.
Funni…I was ghosted by a man I really fell for bc he felt overwhelmed being in love. Those feelings triggered uncertainty and he went into anxiety, pushing and pulling, worrying that I didn’t like him and that I’d leave him. I felt tested all the time by things he’d say to me that pushed me away. I think Dr Jordan Peterson is right in that a man’s fear of rejection is equal to his feelings for you. To your point, Brian, Dr P also says you must pair up with someone you can contend with. It’s important that the relationship isn’t lopsided. It’s the King Lear story where the king loved his youngest of 3 bc she stood up to him, unlike her “yes” sisters. You have to have trust, too, which takes time.
Ok.... your impersonation of the nice guy is extreme. I love nice guys. I don’t want the bad boy, the player, the challenge. I’m not masochistic. But the nice guys don’t like me in return. They want the aloof, indifferent women. The ones that treat them like shit. There is a major imbalance. By the way....I’m a nice girl. But I think I might have to become something nasty.
I am like you. I've been single for looooong time. But not anymore. I find someone, who really appreaciate my kindness and he is nice guy. Wish you to find a guy like that! :)
That's a deal breaker form me too. Do not bend your values to accommodate someone who doesn't understand why those values/morals are important to you. Don't settle for less that, you'll be happier in the long run.
Some guys think porn is real. The little bit I've seen follows the same format- it's about the guy and what the guy wants. My last guy was so selfish in the bedroom department. He even said once 'don't go getting any ideas' 😮 He thought he was some kind of stud. No foreplay and it was over in a flash 😂
I just love the way u speak and ur subtle humour.. u remind me of Chandler from Friends!! ❤️ Most of ur female subscribers probably have a crush on u!!
This is so true. I recently rekindled an old romance, only to discover that the guy became a raging alcoholic, was practically homeless, and had not been with a woman in over 10 years. And even HE told me, "stop being so good to me" and "make me chase you". P.S. no I did not want to be with him once I discovered all these things, but I cared about him and felt the urge to nurture him. It is just not in a man's nature to have a woman go overboard in caring for him.
Everything you have said has hit the nail on the head for me as always.. You need to just be yourself no matter what, you can't push someone to like you or fallen in love with.. & unfortunately it's hard to be in a relationship like this. Ladies be who you truly are it has taken me a while to realize this I was in one of those relationships for 14yrs but now I feel so much better just being myself if no one likes you the way you are it doesn't matter you also can't please everyone in your life, be proud of you & shine for all to see also love yourself before anyone else 😉☺💜
I don’t get it though - I have two girlfriends (girls who are my friends) who were not challenging at all. In fact one of them chased the man (very obviously). The girl in this relationship, wakes up every morning before her guy to make him breakfast before he leaves for work! The other couple said there was never any chase, guy didn’t chase girl etc - for them it was easy and no one played any games. The girl in this relationship is the absolute nice girl, so much so that sometimes when she speaks , you can’t hear her bc her voice is so sweet, quiet (I’m guessing it’s because she doesn’t want to be loud, rude?). They’re both in the committed relationships now (not marriage). Ones been with her guy for 3.5/4 years, the other, for 2ish year. Both live with their men. Both men are seemingly great guys. I keep reading all this stuff about being challenging, and men love chases, etc etc, but none of that applied to these two women and the men they are now in relationships with. How do you explain this?
If he wanted to, he would. If I don't get a text or a call within 4 days after the date, he doesn't want to see me again. He isn't a "hell yes." He's a luke warm "no." Do I want to continue with that? Absolutely not. I don't pursue, I don't chase. That's the man's job. I would rather be a little bothered by this for 4 days than waste 6 months of my life getting declining treatment starting with the bar being set in hell. Believe me... if it's a luke warm "no" after the first date, it'll only get worse. What lady wants to be tolerated?
Absolutely PMSL 🤺 'Would u like to see my goldfish?' 😅 'About as sexy as a wet kiss from a camel with poor dental hygiene.' 😂 'Stupid neurotransmitters of love.' 🤣
True. You're taught should accomodate him, make him happy, care for him, etc.. But in reality most of guys will just see that and take you for granted. You should play hard to get at the beginning, I think 😅 and after you're both emotionally connected, then you can start be the caring person that you really are. Imo.
I been watching videos about relationships. I haven't seen what I've done. When this man approached me. I told him right away. I don't want a boyfriend, I want a husband. And told him all my flaws. The following day we were dating and he's now my husband.
"... And then still didn't see your greatness!" and he will never do. And the reason is he is NOT for you. Don't waste your time. It hearts I know but every wound can be healed with the time.
I was always a loving giving person and I am an empath . My boyfriend try to ghost me twice . I then moved on and got married to another man but I married a narcissist and my life became like hell.
Listen to every word this man says. I love Brian's videos. His words are absolutely true. Self love and putting yourself first will make your guy prioritize you. Who cares what your bf's doing. Give him freedom, be free and do you. Men are hunters by nature and will only appreciate what they work for. Be a lady and let them come for you.
Yes girl!!! You’re right! He will only appreciate if they work for it!!! He has to feel needed and useful!!! One bf of me said that he didn’t feel useful with me and he said if you pay for everything and do everything I won’t feel useful he was broke at that time I’m from wealthier family and it didn’t work out because he didn’t feel manly enough
I have been like that in the past. Sometimes I wonder why, but a lot of it in life we want love. Hope others can find love in themselves and then others.
Thanks Brian, this video is really useful. When I bring up about things that doesn’t align with me, a guy who I used to like always give an excuses that I hurt his feelings.
Stupid neuro transmitters! Your right Brian, I have been doing this and I am completely exhausted. It has been a full time job, with me doing all the work. He started acting more like a child actually and even started doing things unacceptable. I couldn't even be the real me for him to accept me. Yes, your right, I even watched other stupid videos on how to send the right text to make him feel better throughout the day. I think this will be my last try at love. In fact, I'm pretty sure of it. I wish i had all your great advice a long time ago.
Since when is 'being a nice' girl/boy good? All those I've found are actually quite manipulative, even if they themselves don't realize. As Brian says, you're just being nice because you want to get something out of it. A nice person will have values and treat people right but not with the aim of making someone fall for them, but because that's just the way they are. You can definitely own yourself, have boundaries, and be nice.
I agree. "Nice" is vague and weak. Genuine kindness is in. A kind person knows how to be kind to others and themselves. A kind person sets boundaries in an honest and straightforward manner without games.
During the 22 years I was married to my former husband, I had bent backwards all the time to please him and make him happy. That was a wasted effort as nothing I ever did made much of a difference. He would always find something to complain about. At the end, I came to the realization without a doubt in my mind, that we were wrong for each other and asked him for a divorce. That was the best decision I ever made, as since the marriage ended in 1996, we both have been much happier and on better terms with each other than ever before.
All the years of being patient and nice you get used but in the end we get our good karma. In the end they get what they deserve for mistreating good people.
This is amazing advice! I’m in a long distance relation and this adapts well to the fact that we want overcompensate for the distance. I will love for you to talk more about long distance relationships and wrong and good behavior to keep him or her interested. Thank you for your input in helping the world of relationships!!
He is the most confusing person I have ever met,ah he has to stop succumbing to fear he was really really cruel to me I have left him alone bc I respect One can not force someone to do anything at all...I don't want this a hole narcissistic bastard
One thing Life has taught me is that the old saying "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" is ABSOLUTELY TRUE. Men CAN NOT handle a woman who is good to them - but let them pair up with a woman who doesn't give a flying 'f' about them, treats them like cr**, spends all their money, coercively controls him etc and he'll worship the ground she walks on! Brian is so right ladies - don't worry about what a man thinks, feels , wants or needs - just do you and let things flow. If he stays he's a keeper, if not you haven't lost anything, have you?
It was great when you gave the practical examples of how unatractive it is a man acting like a woman pleaser on a date, helps not only understand but also feel the will to reject that!
As an older woman engaging in online dating for the first time compliments of CV19, it has been a real eyeopener. These guys don't seem to have any complusion be honest, to devote the time to an actual meeting, to adhere to their agreement, to be honest in their profile or to even be the actual person in the photo. Since we never met in person, they feel it is ok to just back out without even a text saying "too bad, so sad". For me it is heart breaking, soul destroying and demoralising. Then when I did get to the first meeting stage, it wasn't even the guy I had been communicating with! I was aghast, shocked, felt used, cheap and that I was the one doing the wrong thing by expecting to actually meet a nice guy. Why do men think it's ok to become cretins just because it's online and therefore there's been no real connection?
Yup. Every so often I try the online thing and am immediately horrified. I seem to be able to strike up conversations in real life with fairly normal people, but online, ugh. My last date was with a guy who I already knew who he was (smallish town), and HE had made the first move, and he still ghosted. It leaves you questioning yourself in the worst way.
@En Joy Yes you are right, under normal circumstances do that. But these days are not normal anything anymore. In my country, many of us can't even leave our homes without being fined or at least ordered back inside. We've lost our jobs, incomes, friends, family members. Every entertainment or eating place we went to is closed or closed down for good, no dancing, partying or singing anymore, no hugs to say hello or good night, can't even hold hands without being chastised by do-gooders. Can't even sit side by side, must sit on the crosses which are social distanced 1.5m apart. It's so bad it has turned me into a criminal! I am a 65yo law-abiding woman and I have met a very nice man who I have been video chatting with. We plan to break the law this weekend to meet in person and actually hug! Hey and maybe even steal a kiss! But isn't that so sad? What sort of democratic country are we living in?
That example at a restaurant of a nervous man would actually be very endearing, if he was physically my type. I'd just treat it as nervousness. Personally, that would attract me. But that's probably because I enjoy making people feel comfortable, and that's a people pleasing tendency of my own.
I've been in a relationship with a guy that means the world to me, and we've been together for 5 years, but I think we're at the point were we have nothing to talk or do together. We've tried to fix this issue, doing things that the other is interested in, coming up with random conversation topics and all, but nothing is working. We both know the spark is gone, but we've talked about keeping it going, not wanting to leave eachother and wanting to work through it together. Are we doing something wrong? Do we give eachother space or keep trying to find something we both find interesting?
I think the most advice I’ve heard about long-term relationships is that you aren’t always going to have to mushy-gushy feelings for each other, that there will always be low times, but it’s mostly about the commitment, and eventually the feelings naturally return Obviously it’s not wrong to want to experience something new, and it would be fine if you decided that the relationship isn’t for you anymore, but the same thing would probably happen with someone else eventually as well. I’ve never been in a long relationship though, just what I’ve heard from others. Hope you can figure it out!
Brian Brian Brian...oh meeeen....you have NO idea of how much in good timing this video reach out. Thank you brother, you launched it exactly when and for what I needed to hear it. By the way, from all the coaches I am following on RU-vid, you and your style of passing a message, is really one of my favorites. Very grounded, very wise and authentic.
Depends what the man is looking for. If he isn't looking for anything serious (casual hook-up), than he's more likely to choose girls like him...that is...the girl that's willingly to give what he's looking for. I wouldn't take the rejection personally, if he's not interested in a relationship but the causal hook-up, casual fling, than maybe that's why he "chose" her. Sometimes, its the guy too. Not all men are PROGRAMMED the SAME. Some men like promiscuous/flirtatious girls-and-not the good ones. They believe flirtatious girls are more confident, more outgoing, and social, but some ppl, even some men would disagree. So do "Good Girls Get Ghosted", depends what the guy is looking for and what he believes is attractive? think about that....bc that's what the video may be insinuating? Sometimes like bitchy girls while Good girls are thought to be mousy and boring unfortunately. No one is better than the other but certain type of ppl are pushed aside in the long run for a reason.
Hello i come from Lebanon, middle East. I would like to share my experience with nice girls, the majority are super nice but they talk about their ex how he was bad and they are trying to forget him , well for me this is already a red flag nobody wants to deal with drama. we want happy women not sad women. we want women who look for the future not stuck in the past. Many nice women fall in the tarp of talking about their past in a dramatic way that the guy does not want to hear anymore, being nice is not enough, being cheerful and happy is better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to let go of terrible men and date the ones to whom we have no chemistry with. Easier said than done. Get a cat, girls, and stop watching these videos.
This is timely. I thought 'ghosting' only happened in the beginning of a relationship or during dating. WRONG!!! I have been with this man for over a year and suddenly 2 weeks ago he stopped all communication. Nothing. Nada. I did try to contact him, of course. Twice. But I'm not chasing or hounding him. This video opened my eyes to why this has happened, though. Which is good because I don't foresee any communication from him.
Brain, lol sounds like a who is pursuing me. I don't like him. He really needs your advice. I am on a relationship break and I am currently enjoying my time off.
The nice guy you were portraying at 3:05 really reminds me of my boyfriend when we were still dating, he was so nervous and wanted to make sure I felt comfortable. Bless him we are still going strong after 5 years.
You’re describing codependency. Ladies, if you identify with what he’s describing, find a therapist who understands codependency and work through it with them. Codependency is not your fault. But you can heal. Don’t do it for any person, but for yourself
Agree. Great video Brian. Neither should care what the other thinks or to try to impress. I respect men that could care less what I think of them. That's a real man and they are usually the Alpha's. Beta men and men who embrace the feminist movement are a turn off, even if they are nice. Each being their true self unapologetically and each recognizing that's what they want is the winning formula.
