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the moment a girl clicked on this video is a fact that she is currently obsessed with someone in a bad way which she hoped not to. i wish everyone of you can surpass this challenge ❤🍀
When you're authentic and happy in your own life (not perfect, but happy) you will naturally never obsess over anyone. Prioritize being happy where you live (What do you need to live in a place that suits you? A better job? Qualifications? A side Hussle for extra cash? Sort these out first.) Hobbies, friends and keeping yourself fit and healthy. Romantic partners will fall into place once you're content in these other areas of your life first. TRUST ME.
This is so true!! I obsessed about a guy in 2020 who just stopped contact after I asked for a break as I was having a hard time. It absolutely broke me for a long time and did everything that you shouldn't, chasing him constantly and basing my worth on his opinion. I was mad!! Looking back he was never good enough in the first place but as I was feeling down on myself it got to me so bad I ended up seeing a psychologist. Now, a year on I am so happy with a wonderful man who makes me feel amazing. He loves me and he constantly shows it. I will NEVER obsess again as there is slways someone out there that will love you for who you are 💕
Dopamine is a rough ride, man! Whether you want it or not, whether you’re married or not, you can catch feelings and have thoughts because dopamine feels good…and we want more of what feels good. Some men make us feel fantastic and we want to be near them and other times I think as women, our desire to be loved and us seeing a man’s interest perks our hopes up. It can be very, very rough sometimes.
I was getting ready obsess over someone, who just ghosted me… But I stopped myself and said he does not deserve you and life is too short to waste time on someone who does not want you. So now I am taking care of me and now I am ghosting him.😊
i hate that i start to obsess someone who gives me the slightest bit of attention. i end up hurting myself in the end. but for some reason i can't let go. i still a think about him everyday and romanticize
Some good points - however the tendency toward obsessive thinking is often not a choice. CPTSD is often the real cause of limerence. The brain is actually wired for intermittent connection as was modeled in a person's primary care relationships from childhood and those mixed messages are then mislabeled as love. The brains job is to solve things. So as a coping mechanism the person compartmentalizes the experiences and their brain relies on limerence to fill the void. Often fixating on the person or the relationship that hurts them the most and placing their person on a pedestal in order to reconcile their attachment and feelings for them. Love is not surviving someone. Obsessive thinking involved in limerence has also been associated with low levels of serotonin and elevated levels of dopamine and norepinephrine - which is quite common in persons who have adrenal exhaustion from the trauma they survived.
I needed to read your comment. "Love is not surviving someone" Hit home. When it's your caregivers who have shaped your definition of love. Certainly influences the choice in the wrong partner, hence the constant over thinking, to solve whats not right, yet feels like love. Mindbending stuff.
The scarcity mindset....yes....that sabotages us everytime. Thanks for reminding us that on a very populated planet, scarcity is not an issue. Being treated badly is.
We don't obsess and overthink when everything is great and awesome. Thanks Brian Nox for sharing all your knowledge. You are so brilliant and kind. 🙏🏻🐦
I needed this message more than you know. I have obsessed over the last guy I dated after my divorce. It is just so hard at my age because I hate being alone
This almost made me cry. It’s a solid reminder on what I am and who I am currently and how I can slowly shift focus and love myself more and see my self-worth.
Needed this did the worse mistake by running back to an asshole who will never value/ respect me and I’m still there asking for his attention the more I do it the more he takes advantage
@@SteveWKk I’m trying not to think this way because it’s a lack mindset. People do meet and remarry in middle age. I just need to be patient and be hopeful someone good will come along.
Thank you! I needed to hear this today. I was in that mindset not long ago. I was over thinking, obsessing over my recent break up and said I can’t do this anymore. It’s getting better and now I am thinking about myself and said to myself, he isn’t chasing me or trying to look for me in any kind of way. I deserve so much better then this and there is someone out there that is for me. Just not rushing in with anyone and take it day by day.
Thank you for such a timely reminder! It is lighthearted, funny, easy to listen to yet something I really really need. Obsession is not healthy and certainly limiting to the capacity to self love. Thank you !
I need to learn to go with the flow whenever I meet a man. But this time he was upfront & said he has a lot on his plate & we should just be friends. I want to get to know him better but he doesn’t feel the same. I should not ever find happiness by wanting a relationship & the man doesn’t initiate or chase
It is very hard not to obsess, when you are searching FOR YEARS for someone suitable & when you finally find HIM, he leaves you. Statistically speaking, it might take me ANOTHER FEW YEARS to find someone like him, so yea...not so much fish in the sea :(((
@@Polarisld33 time does it's thing, I feel much better now...tommorow exactly 2 months of breakup & NC. I do not cry anymore... I still plan to break no contact soon, to see if there is a chance... if not, then I will really move on, I will be able to do so, as I am in a much better state now
Dear Brian, I am so thrilled I am finally on youtube shortly after you posted and there are not too many comments yet, so I will make use of this chance to tell you the most sincere Thank You ❤ I've been following you since my worst breakup ever in the second half of 2020. I did indeed put that person on a pedestal while he was dismissive and avoidant, which made me obsess more. (Funny how I happen to comment on a video exactly on this topic!) I never really had self-esteem due to the parenting style my parents went with, and I internalised that I am not loveable, no one would want me, and that I would most probably have to sacrifice everything for the martyr who would decide to stay with me. You made such a difference in my life, I am getting emotional even thinking about it. You made me realise that I matter, that I deserve the kind of love I give, that I should stop remolding myself to fit others' boxes. That the kind of love I aspired to have is actually real, and I just need to set the bar high enough so I get someone on my level. You gave me so much confidence, I cannot even begin to explain it all. So, in hopes you ever get to read this, dankje ❤ You do nothing less than angelic work and I hope you never stop to inspire and empower others, but as well I wish you never stop to be inspired and empowered yourself! I wish you all the best and can't wait to see you in future videos! ❤
I will tell you what i found up that help. Dont let the feeling control you in life. I mean in food, dont be lazy, do sport and others... it make your brain be stronger than feelings and than the feelings will be less and less harder. You make your mind be strong and feelings be wick by the daily tasks!! Good luck for all of us!!!
Nicely said! Now I don't pursue the guy. I am learning to say my kind of man is a man that puts EFFORT towards getting me. I am a woman I don't pursue even in the privacy of my own place I don't obess about a man. I go with flow n live my life
Ok. This helps. But we were at the beginning of a new long distance relationship. And it was great. He was great. But he had to take a job, even further away (it was in the works but uncertain prior to our meeting). So, now he’s transitioning and we had a conversation and agreement about taking some time and reconnecting once he’s settled (about a month) into his own place. And seeing if we both still want to do this from afar. Very respectful. It’s me! I’m the problem. I go into fear and lose myself. And then when we do connect-I feel needy. And I don’t want to be. So-thank you for this.
Definitely need this, just in time I broke up w a guy who claims works all time ,but yet was spending time doing other things. And couldn't and wouldn't find time for me and I told him if you can't find time for me no need to be together, of course I was verbally abused cause I broke up w him..already putting myself in a better place. This been coming for yrs..not worring about finding someone else
I haven’t found that to be true. That was the person I was for 29 years of my marriage only to discover that my husband was taking me for granted and decided that I didn’t love him anymore and so he cheated! Then, I found out and confronted him. For the last 5 years I’ve been obsessing over our marriage, him and his slow progress in repairing and restoring our relationship. Sadly, he’s not showing the growth I need to see to continue with him. But I’m still obsessing over the 34 years of my life and marriage that I’m losing. So, maybe your scenario is only good for short term relationships or the dating scene but not for the “long haul”.
I was manipulated by the worst and that made me hate (not the only thing that happened but def the worst) dating sites and apps. I also hate dating. And many men are not right in the head.
Excellent, excellent advice! Thank you Brian! (Or Geert ;-) ). Sure wish I had known this before. Could've saved so much valuable time (and health!) obsessing over people who are not worth losing the time for. I made an effort to stop obsessing about anyone during summer 2021 and boy what a difference. Started focusing on my life and what I want to do and achieve and experience and what's healthy for me. Each guy I dated I was completely relaxed about and just saw it as a new opportunity and to enjoy life and have fun. While holding my boundaries in place and being elegantly clear about it. Dating became so much easier and fun! For nearly 5 months I have a great guy with me now and we have a wonderful time together. Respecting each other's life's and space in it. Sharing and communicating. I am 50 and I never thought a relationship could be so easy and fluent. So grateful!
thanks , we know that’s wrong , some times our ego wants win something that it’s not even convenient for us .. you are very clear , we destroy our dignity obsessing
"...because if it does, well then it does." THANK you for so much clarity and sobriety. Sometimes you just need an honest outside view ... also feels good to be reminded that they are not the last person on this earth (u don't feel this when ruminating, of course )
That was GGgRreat!!! Perhaps that obsessing needs to be a sigb that we already see the potential good & bad immediately! And is a red flag! Dont expect much ! And stay present!
I can honestly say, I’ve never obsess about a man. And I hate when they obsess about me. Those are the ones I ran away from 🤣🤣🤣. And at 50 I’ve been married for almost 20 years. Hubby says I don’t love Him, because I don’t obsess. Oh please. Ain’t got time for that. Just love and live and keep it moving.
Bless your heart. I have always "gone with the flow" re men . As a result l ( despite not being a great beauty) have many men who wish to know me better . Yes girls wise words in this video. Follow it -- it really works !!
Excellent, demonstration of what I've done several times, which I won't be doing any longer. Makes sense to me the way this is explained. This information is very calming and offers me much peace. Also, I believe I won't freeze if I see someone I like or fear looking at him straight on. This knowledge will give me caution to not get infatuated or question myself so much. Very good delivery and something switched in my brain getting me on the right track.
THANK U BRIAN. U ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. I WATCHED YOUR CHANNEL RELIGIOUSLY, THROUGH ALL LAST YEAR TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND THE MAN I WAS SEEING. HIS BEHAVIOUR AND HIM WERE FILLED WITH RED FLAGS; BUT I JUST IGNORED HIM. CONSTANTLY. BUT THROUGH U, BRIAN, THE BRAIN FOG LIFTED AND BIT BY BIT, I STARTED TO FINALLY GET MY ACT TOGETHER...I GOT MY OLD CONFIDENCE BACK TO...AND U KNOW WHAT, HE TURNED IT ALL ON ME. ACCUSING ME OF THIS, THAT AND THE OTHER. SUDDENLY HE WAS THE VICTIM AND I WAS THE VILLAN. BUT HELL NO, WAS I TAKING THAT SHIT FROM HIM. HE'S GONE AND BLOCKED ON ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIA. HE HAS TRIED EVERYTHING TO GET BACK IN THE DOOR...BUT THAT DOOR ISNT JUST CLOSED; ITS L.O.C.K.E.D....THANK U BRIAN. BLESSINGS FROM MARIA IN IRELAND.
What a great way to run business by making videos for women .. as they say, as long as u start a business with women in mind, it never faces a loss!! 🤣
Thanks very much for that video. I am/ was obsessing over a guy who one time said nice things to me. Then I was constantly overthinking. It started to get exhausting tbh... And whenever I wanted to start a conversation with him, he would just say something to make me go. Before he showed that little piece of affection, I didn't care at all about him really. Thanks for making me realize that
Dear Brian, I am so happy youtube has recommended me your video. Your advices are extremely useful and after watching this video my anxiety has washed away. Especially after this phrase "you might think that you will not find anyone else, but there are 8 billion ppl on Earth". I fell in love with a guy who lives in another country. He is very nice, gentle and educated. But I was pushing him so hard, begging for his attention... out of scarcity and fear to loose him. I really like him. The most important thing for me is that he is doing well. With or without me. I really feel it. Of course, I want to be with him, but if he does not want the same thing... I will respect it. I hope he will give me some clarity. Wish you a great day!
This issue has troubled me in the past -- it's a trauma response. So I appreciate your creating this video, and ALL of your videos, Brian! Thank you so much for all you do!
Everything is temporary, good things are temporary, bad things are temporary, except God and your soul. This might sound hard, but you don’t need a man, you need God, and God will give you everything that you need. A man will love you for your physical look/ charisma/ money/ intelligence….. or all the temporary things to fill a void that THEY need and will only love you if you meet their needs, but God loves you for who you are, whatever you are and no matter what your past is. In fact, God doesn’t need you, you need Him. He can do whatever He wants anytime to you and to your life, yet He loves you. That’s what you need. Jesus said: “Make every effort to enter through the narrow door, because many, I tell you, will try to enter and will not be able to.” _ Luke 13: 24 However, (if you’re not planing to commit adultery with the man/woman) you should ask God for everything,, EVERYTHING. God that created everything can do anything: “And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask anything in My name, I will do it. “If you love Me, keep My commandments.” _ John 14:13-17 “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” _ Matthew 17:20-21.
I dated a guy for a month. Nevwr felt this way before for anyone else. Ive been in long term relationships and marriage before. Nothing hurt me as much as this guy i dated for only a month and he ghosted me.
Ty God for giving him wisdom because now I am convinced to my self im judt being myself im going with the flow with our friendship I thought I was. Tnx God he use you as an instrument. Ty so much.
Thank you for helping me “ Save Face” with myself. I noticed that recently I was feeling out of sorts and couldn’t figure what the heck my problem was; now I know and you’re absolutely correct. I also got some similar advice from you as I have given to someone a few months ago but I must’ve forgotten it. Thank you for your gentle reminder. Now I can “ prep talk “ myself and write myself a note that should I forget, I can find the note that I leave for myself that reminds me that it’s o.k. to not obsess or over think about him. Thank you. 👍👍✨ 🦋 8:08
I discovered your videos a few days ago right when I needed them and they are so healthy, helpful, and insightful. Your genuine concern to helping others navigate through emotions that can be quite complex is greatly valued and appreciated. Thank you!!
This is what I was doing when I saw this video. How the hell did youtube and you know? :) Just lying in my bed, drinking and wasting my holiday. Thank you for this video.
You were me what seems like a lifetime ago.They all turned out to be abusive narcissists and now my health is ruined for good.Please,see value in yourself,and if you don't already ,learn to like/love yourself first before embarking on a relationship.Drop the dingbats so only good people attract you.No one is worth loosing sleep/health over.Good luck.
it’s amazing, your words like you already knows me so well, that you know my whole story. it rly slaps me in the face. now i’m back to reality to find my own self worth value, like you said. thank youuu
