You know what’s worse? when everyone is in family is attractive. Constantly in your face for not having met the beauty standards and to miss out on a wining generic lottery. You really see the difference between living life on a hard v easy mode.
My parents were attractive in their youth (and many people will still say they're attractive, even when they both are in their late 50s), while I was born average at best because of my grandparents genes. It's painful to know that my narcissistic mother will always have people who will be at her side, no matter what she does to me, just because she's "the pretty one", while the most of people won't believe me and won't support me because I'm "the ugly one". And what I've noticed is that all my friends are average or unattractive, while all my bullies were pretty, popular girls. My friends also grew up in destructive, instabile households, just like me, so we understand each other and emphasize each other.
High school is usually where ppl get the most ridicule about their looks. Once you graduate and become responsible for making your own decisions as an adult, looks aren't as important to most ppl as opposed to networking and work ethics.
I grew up ugly AND fat. And along with the issues at home, this made me a very anti social recluse who avoided everything and everyone. Now as an adult, I struggle to make connections with people. I missed out on a lot of typical mile stones growing up and im having to learn all those things most people learn in their youth and adolescence in my adult years. The past 7 months I really started working on myself and learning why I do what I do. Realizing that I basically screwed myself by not just embracing my weird awkward self and just going for “it”. Doing nothing is possibly one of the worse things to do. It only stunts you. I have also dabbled into Buddhism and one of the main reasons for unhappiness is because we’re never satisfied with what we have now. Just accept reality and focus on what you can change.
@@shanak09 Buddhism focuses more on changing the mindset and how you deal with problems within yourself and how you react to unfortunate circumstances. There’s no expectations, just going with the flow and connecting with yourself.
Please don't run after beauty 😭😭😭. All my life I wanted to be pretty. I wanted to be the girl boys had crush on and stuff like that. When I was "desperate" for it it was HELL. I was always comparing myself to all the girls around me (friends, family or not). It made me so miserable. When I turned 16 and I cut my hair, I focused on building myself and it got better. I wasn't the prettiest off them all but I was comfortable with myself. Now I'm 24 and I'm still building my confidence. I don't look at all the beauty standards and stuff like that because it's always changing (look at how everybody wants to be thin). I work with what I have and I make me the beauty standard
"plase don't run after beauty" well i did, and it paid off going into highschool as a kid i was ugly and overweight but after 3 years of fixating on my appearance i'm so glad looking at old pictures i think about how i could still be HER if i followed what family wanted my family still holds that lonely, depressed, anxious, unhealthy version of me on a pedestal now i have many friends (used to feel lucky having 2 or 5) and some friendships started by them complimenting how pretty i am or finding my sense of style interesting. not that they are fake friends but beauty makes you more approachable and confident also i'm lesbian and girls have asked me out for the first time ever this is it, i'm finally living the teenage years i always dreamed of
@@roxas9121 you missed my point. I never say to not improve yourself. You became a better version of yourself great for you. I'm talking about not pursuing the beauty standard and only focusing on you
I've been bullied constantly my entire life for no reason. I hate going out because of how i look and I avoid people because of it. I don't think i can ever love mysself and i think no one deserves someone as gross as me
I feel you. But, let's rephrase that, shall we? Instead of 'I don't think I can ever love myself', most of us don't. Sometimes it's okay to just 'like' yourself. We live in a world where hating yourself is the norm, and accepting yourself is seen as rebellious or odd. Also, I'm 16, so girl I know how you feel. My chest is really small, and that insecurity takes over my thoughts every damn day. I have also seen myself as gross, or 'unlovable'. Like no boy on the face of the entire Earth would ever like me. And what if they don't? They can't handle all this sass anyways. Something that has really helped me so far is to not want to be stereotypically pretty, but instead look different and otherworldly, y'know? Who wants to look the same anyways? Listen, does anyone you see down the street pay for your food, rent, clothes, school? No. Anyone you might feel jealous of? Nope, they don't care for you either. So you don't need to give 3 flying fucks about what they think about you, because you don't owe them ANYTHING. If anyone can't see past your 'flaws' (which are only considered flaws because men tell us they are and they think they're all that), then bestie you clearly deserve better. Whether it be in romantic relationships or your friend group, if they don't appreciate you for who you are and not what you look like, they're shallow pieces of shit. Also I see you like Enhypen so you've clearly got taste🔥🔥🔥 Just know that you're not alone in this.
Wait, stop right there!!!! Who do you see, others voices smeared on your body? Where are you ? You are handsome, no lie! Let me tell you from hard knocks, real looks, attractiveness, magnetism is confidence, is uniqueness, individuality, strength. Look back at you haters, look them in the eye, and return all their venom to sender. Who ever convinced you these lies? The truth does not insult the soul! Truth does not destroy you, make you smaller than, limit you. Truth makes you fly, gives you wings, expands, fills your heart! You seem to of internalised taunts from cowards projections. What they say is actually who they are! Find your essence, seek you light, explore who you truly are, try hypnosis, rewire your brain. You can not be crushed by others, you are magnificent, rise!
Bro I'm litterally a hermit now cus every time I enter a new a new social setting thwy litterally ignore. Pretend they don't know my name but talks shit about me behind my back and they use any excuse under the book to hate me. But at the end of the sentence they always ALWAYS mention my looks. I was made fun of once for sitting on a chair.
you're so right about avoidance behaviors. I realize I never had birthday parties during my teenage years either because none of my (albeit toxic) friends would care or acknowledge me. So I wouldn't say anything. I'd also avoid eye contact with people, and when covid hit and I could wear a mask to cover my acne I was finally able to start making eye contact with people. Now I'm 21 and I can do all those things I didn't have as a teenager (acne scars still there tho!) Also I wear like 0 makeup to hide myself anymore because for me makeup was never about fun-- only about hiding myself-- so now I will only wear a bit of mascara/lipstick/blush to have some fun (and I do like how I look with it-- but I can also go places without makeup!) As a teenager I couldn't even step outside without a face full of makeup to hide acne. The only avoidance behavior I still have today unfortunately is only looking at myself in the bathroom mirror if the lights are off, but I'm slowly trying to improve on that. :)
I too was bullied at school and it was usually the girls who wore a lot of makeup who were the ones doing the bullying. To this day I am not comfortable around younger people who wear makeup and it is not something I like to wear myself. Makeup means mean in my experience.
The avoiding part really hit too close to home 😞 As someone who hasn’t been able to look in the mirror without feeling sick to my stomach since being a teenager, this whole video is really spot on.
I'm 16, and I'm so sick of feeling like I have to look pretty or else I'm 'unlovable'. Look pretty? For who exactly? A random person down the street? I'll never see them again anyways. I'm sick of people telling me what I'm worth (or what a girl/woman is worth in general) over something as shallow and stupid as looks. You think I'm ugly? Congrats I guess. You don't pay for my food, clothes, or school. So why should I care? As long as I'm constantly improving my personality, intellect, and overall attitude towards myself, I'm fine.
i've spent the ages of 9-17 (i'm currently 18) hopelessly looking for ways to be "pretty" to be attractive and it is absolutely one of the most soul draining things ever. i have literally zero personality or interests, i've developed an eating disorder as a result of it, i have zero idea of what to do in my future whilst people my age are planning on going to uni, all because i spent all of those years fixated on my appearance and not thinking about anything that's of actual importance. when i did reach the point where people found me attractive it was like a hard slap across the face because i realized how little importance it actually was.. it meant nothing to me. i spent so much time obsessing over something so meaningless and i feel barely human anymore. i'm glad i had that realization and now i'm working on fixing it but it is saddening. tik tok is just making this so much worse for people and i wish people realized how little it matters and how importance it is to not lose yourself in the pursuit of something as fleeting as attractiveness
Agreed @andygotthebass6525 I spent a good time of my teenage years (last year of middle school, junior to senior high) suffering from a pretty bad depression, which lead me to kind of float throught life. I never learned to have fun or socialize during this period of my life and I was around people that, despite not being bad or mean, were simply not a fit for me, but at the time I didn't care nearly enough about my happiness to make the effort to find new friends. Around senior year, I kind of had a moment were something snapped in my head, I hated what my life was becoming and I wanted to live, not just survive. So I started to go out of my comfort zone and started to meet new people, it was hard and awkward since I had no clue of to socialize proprely, but I met new friends (who still weren't a good fit for me saddly) and it gave me enough experience to be ready to actually be thrown in an environment were I knew no one in university. Currently I just finished my first year of university and this year has been amazing. The process of meeting new people was awfulI, but my akwardness never prevented people from wanting to be my friends, and I'm around people that make me happy now. I still struggle to live life as easely as my peers, but I made so much progress and I never laughed as much as I did this year in a long time. I even started to let go and learned to have fun again. What I'm trying to say by sharing this resume of the worst time of my life is that it's not over for you. We are the same age and I'm not the same person I was a year ago because I took action to change what I hated about my life. It's scary to try to change things when you don't know where to start or what you are doing, you make so many mistakes along the way and you're going to be harsh on yourself for whatever deficiencies you think you have, and you'll blame yourself for being in the position that you are today But I think the most important thing you need to keep in mind is that if you keep trying, you will become something that you can be proud of. Making an effort to be curious about topics you never was really interested in can help you discover new hobbies, looking at the news and forcing yourself to figure out what kind of opinion/freling you actually hold on a certain topic can help you better understand who you are and who you want to be. I'm sure there's always a place to start your self discovery. It's gonna take a while for you to figure things out, but you already managed to recognise that you want to change something about yourself, and it's already plenty. Being able to self reflect is a great skill to have, so I'm sure that by taking the time that you need to do so, you'll find the answers to what you are going throught. I'm sorry this was a novel of comment, but even tho what we went through are two different things, your comment resonated with me. I hope I didn't come off as patronising and I hope it was easely readable as English isn't my first language. All the best to you
I completely understand, I was a very socially unsuccesful kid with an awkward appearance, and when i started to get into middle/highschool I became obsessed with improving my appearance in hopes of finally being accepted. I improved it, it worked, people seemed to sort of like me more, but it became my sole focus and obsession (like, nearly all i cared about and was the focus of most of my media consumption) and i felt like a hollow shell of a person after. I've spent years since then trying to find my passions again and get out of my depression. It was hard, and I fell behind my peers for some time, but things are getting better. I've found things I like doing, reasons to live, all that. Trust me, you're young. You haven't completely lost yourself, you have so much time ahead of you to figure it out. I believe in you
The truth is most people are average looking. And that’s OKAY, social media and the people around us put too much emphasis on looks. Even though we may be average looking, there is that one who won’t view you as being merely average looking. That’s the beauty in people is that we don’t all find the same people attractive. There is someone who will see you for who you are, and won’t ask you to change the core things about yourself. I’d rather put more emphasis on improving myself and learning discipline than something that isn’t a measure of your value. Everyone should attempt to be healthy, and there’s nothing wrong with putting value on your looks, for ourselves and to make a good first impression, but it’s an issue when it’s the only thing people care (physical looks) about in contrast to more important things
you’re so young!! you have all the time in the world to start new hobbies , there is no age on it. 22 now just did my motorcycle class & got license. starting to play bass. finding a genre i like to read. hitting gym. hobbies can be vary in difficulty. stop comparing, become the character YOU want to be not what society wants. i stopped using social media as well. i had a similar situation as to where i spent a lot of my hs years and prior unhappy. i had conformed these hobbies in about a year. just know it gets better and that the world is your oyster. once you can accept your unique self you can accomplish anything !
It took me a really long time to realize that no matter what I look like, I deserve love and friendship and happiness. Unlearning the thought cycle of "i'll be happy when i'm skinny" or "i'll be happy when I'm in a relationship" was the best thing to ever happen to me.
I've been physically ugly my whole life, as I've got older I've started to care less and I don't let it stop me from doing as many things now, but it still hurts when people stare at me or are unfriendly and always have something negative to say about everything I do or don't do. I can't make friends easily and forget about having a relationship or even being able to get a date. I can't lie the most upsetting part is feeling incomplete and left behind because I haven't and never will experience the things that most people get to and it's purely because of the way I look 😢
Me too man I just tend to focus on the bright side of it though. All my close friends definitely like me for my personality & I have a lot of time & a good amount of money to play with which most married men can't say😂 Got a nice car a few years back & traveled Europe last year Living a pretty comfortable & adventurous life, which is more than most people get I guess no women want to share that with me which sucks but I can't change that so I'll just have fun on my own & with the homies
I love that you went into race because when I tell you being black in a majority white school is super tough and annoying which is why I moved from a majority white private school to public school because the environment was absolutely terrible for me and I wish I found your channel sooner before I made the switch because now I’m more confident than ever because of you ❤❤
In my teens I was a skinny boy with acne, and a stutterer on top of that. That being said, my approach was the opposite, I spoke to as many people as possible, and wasn't particularly shy about it. The reactions were often negative, but it made me realize that I could get by, and I had enough friends to back me up. I developed a "thick skin" in the sense that I disregarded most people's opinions, and used those of my group of friends as a guide. The change came later in life, in my early 20s, the acne got better, I looked more masculine, and the stuttering subsided gradually. In retrospect both good and bad came out of this teenage period of my life. I became very resilient, but that resiliency came at a cost. It took me quite a while to let people in, value their thoughts, and become more social in general. I'm also glad my aggression didn't turn inward. I only needed to make a bully hurt enough, even if I didn't win the fight. They would find an easier target. I now have children of my own, and they are the "pretty people", which feels a little weird.
Im going this exact thing right now I’m only 19 but I can’t even process others peoples opinions anymore and it’s starting to push people away bc I take no advice I’ll rather find things out on my own rather than someone warn me
The problem is that I want people to consider me extremely beautiful. I just want people to boost my ego by doing nothing, I guess. I don't care about eye/hair/skin colour, I want to have the features that take people's breath away lol But I also want it to be natural to me, I don't want any surgeries or makeup to achieve that. My face is average, wanting all mentioned is the same as wanting to be able to fly without using any tools or transport, except no one can do that, but there are people who have what I want, and that just doesn't let me be in peace with myself
But I also thought about if I had the perfect features for myself that looking in the mirror I would be extremely happy and would be grateful everyday, but everyone else in the world would think I'm ugly. Would that make me insecure? Would I want to be different even then?
this is a desire, a lot of us have especially young girls, the media and instagram makes us feel like admiration is what you want, but i imo appreciation matters more. admiration says 'wow she's so beautiful, i wish i looked like her' appreciation says 'wow she's an amazing person, i'm glad i get to know her'
I do wanna say though I’m going to sophomore year and I hope this helps: You can’t run on the validation of others because that only lasts for a little bit before it runs out and you’re going to be back in that mirror saying negative things about yourself and trying to change yourself for other people just because of someone’s opinion about you. The fact that some people literally take the time out of their day to say rude things just proves how jealous and rude they are and it explains just how a shallow heart and personality they have so always love urself no matter what because you are beautiful!!! ❤ I’ve gotten stuck in the cycle myself of changing myself for other people but if you continue to do that you’re not even going to remember who YOU ARE anymore. Thank you Christina for these amazing videos and your channel it’s made such an impact on me and I hope you have an amazing day. 🫶🏾🫶🏾
As someone with very unusual facial features I promise you it's better to be average/plain looking. People either find me very attractive or very unattractive no in between and I hate it
this triggered the fuck outta me bc at first i was like dam i rly am ugly if the algorithm recommended this n i got flooded w all the things ppl have ever commented abt my body negatively family “friends” strangers boyfriends all the looks of disgust ppl have given parts of my body n i was overcome w a deep sense of shame n inferiority, i forced myself to sit thru it tho n hear u out n im glad i did. its crazy bc i grew up ugly n ive worked so hard on myself to where now ig im coded as pretty but its when ive least felt it, i get the most amount of attention from men n som ppl are so hard on me for seemingly no reason when they werent before but i feel the most miserable too. the pursuit of beauty is endless bc theres always some way to be more beautiful, theres no top to it. its exhausting. n the more i achieve beauty, the more beauty i feel i have left to achieve. there will always be a younger prettier hotter girl, n ive realized that defining my worth by this leads me to very dark places that smtms make me wanna unalive myself. my entire existence revolves arnd controlling n feeding my beauty routines n regimes n still i dont feel pretty enough. i still feel like im tryna prove myself to the ex who said i was “ugly” or my cousin who made fun of me for my leg shape or my other cousin who mocked how thin i was, i still feel like the loser kid in college who got ignored in front of a group of 15+ ppl when tryna join their conversation bc i wasnt hot or cool enough to “sit with them”, i still feel the humilitation of my ex preferring to stare at any other prettier girl than to have a one on one conversation with me, the shame i felt when my own father compared me to my therapist n said she was prettier n that thats why i didnt wanna keep on attending my sessions w her…. the way everyone around me w use me to talk abt how my sister or my friend was “so beautiful” but no one ever said anything abt me…. its no use, the more desperate i am for beauty, the less i feel i have it
It hurts when your mom is pretty but you ended up looking like your dad. Now I have a beautiful body , a man's face , good fashion sense and acne ... amazing , isn't it ?😅
I have felt this my entire life. From being emotionally neglected as a child to being constantly bullied up until adulthood, I never had a breathing moment to realize this. Now a week ago I turned 23, a couple years ago I made my first friends. Now besides the weight, skin etc I am afraid that I am getting too old to do certain things. Just meeting up with my friends is difficult since they are busy. Spending even more time with myself after everything is extremely painful but I am learning that I need to become my own friend as well. I don't want to be lonely. I don't want to be isolated. So thank you for this video, for your whole channel actually. It helps me so much in this journey 💜
Y’all people called me desperate for wanting a bf in hs and now I have one who is absolutely kind and loving towards me. It’s possible lol. But do they like black girls? Yes, and he accepts all other parts of who I am and will turn the world over for me to be happy unless I physically stop him.
Ty for this, in 9th grade every girl around me had a boyfriend or was talking with someone or had many relationships before (all of them were white or lighskin and some of the boys would not even believe they were black,even if they were), and i always tought that it was bcz of my looks and bcz im black (i still think about it a little bit) now im going to 10th grade and to a new school, but not with purpose of finding a boyfriend, im just going to be me, when its right it will come.
As someone who used to be really ugly but has glown up over the last 2 years, especially the last year, people will always hate you for being ugly at any point in your life. People have seen old pictures of me and treated me differently afterwards.
as a current highschooler, this feels like you're the little person on my shoulder telling me everything as an older version of myself would. it's both validating of my experiences and feelings, but gives stances on what can change for the better. action really is the crucial step, and the reinforcement from your videos pushes me to let go of the cycles and mindsets that are holding me back. AND OMG THERES A PODCAST VERSION?? I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH CHRISTINA 🤍
Sorry but some people are definitely ugly. No question about it. The only reason we know some people are beautiful is because some people are ugly. Saying there are no ugly people is like saying there are no short people. It's intellectually dishonest lol.
I know this video wasn’t directed towards me as I was never picked on for my looks. But, it was actually the opposite. I was constantly told I was so cute and so pretty all the time that it got to my head and whenever I was “ugly-looking” (imo), my confidence would drop and I couldn’t leave the house. I would constantly desire to be “pretty” or “prettier” even though I was never ugly. The way society puts beauty on the top of anything else really destroys so many peoples confidence and self worth, whether they are conventionally pretty or not.
Right. Many of us didn't realise we were ugly until ppl told us. I legit just assumed I blended in with the woodworks and was an average Joe. Turns out I stand out for all the wrong reasons.
i think the part about what u want vs focusin on experience is hard if reality validates that feeling. i grew up a lil chubbier and kinda ugly, and i lost hella weight before my first semester at my first college. when i tell you people were flocking to me like never before. then i gained the weight back and ig got a lil uglier w that. went to a different college and it’s been the toughest struggle just making friends or having ppl want to be around me. like it feels like i have to overcompensate when i have more “unattractive” traits but when it’s the opposite i can just be myself and be accepted. Which is wild cuz I don’t think my mindset ever did a full 180 tbh…
No you’re entirely correct tbh your mindset has absolutely 0 to do with your new school and how your relationships were affected significantly then before. It’s hard for people to accept because it’s a depressing realisation that if your the undesirable to everyone around you, then telling yourself your attractive won’t change anyone else’s opinion if you still look the same. Unattractive people do exist, where people get confused is the grey area of average looking people and personality. A 5 can maybe bump up there attractiveness to a small percentage of extra people through personality that otherwise wouldn’t be interested, but that’s not going to work for a sub 5 the way it did for an average person, even so a 8 doesn’t need personality but with good personality maybe they can become a 9 lets say. Truth is everyone is born with a limit the second they exist, whether you reach that max potential is upto you but not everyone has the same ceiling or the same starting place as everyone else.
@@Jackmonkey66666hghinnv I disagree that attractive people don’t need personalities, they have personalities, but I agree we’re all different in terms of attraction depending on the person.
@@Janet67498 it’s not a make or break for attractive people to get relationships or one night stands or any sort of intimacy from whatever way they swing is more what I mean, sure attractive + good personality means the world is basically your pick for intimacy, attractive without personality you’ll still have super high success rates with people you also find attractive/like. Ugly with personality though you’re options are sparse at best and nobody can deny that, sure Pete Davidson and a few others are exceptions to the rule but that’s the point, it’s not often that people like that bag way more attractive/lots of different partners 247 so people go crazy about because it’s not a common occurrence compared to, attractive person = attractive partner. Ugly person = ugly -average at best partner - no partner most likely if you are of the male category, that’s just how real life works. Even if you had 10/10 looks but no personality that’s something you can easily fix and your starting place is already well above average for success, if your 2 or 3 looks wise with the worlds best personality that’s ever existed you still won’t have much if any success at all and it’s not like you can go for a 2 to 6 looks wise let alone a 10, even if you throw millions upon millions and surgery after surgery it’s physically impossible to go from that ugly to the high end of the attractive person pool. End of the day looks are the most important element for romantic success while also being the hardest thing to improve with everyone having a genetic ceiling that they cap out at and it’s all pure luck what anyone gets which is why people have such a hard time accepting it.
Feeling uncomfortable with myself resulted in missing out on a lot of core experiences, i never had any birthday parties, I gave myself back issues bc i was constantly slumping
gonna admit some people are ugly and sometimes im hella ugly but that's cuz I didn't groom myself and felt so ugly that my confidence was in the trenches. yes u can be born not pretty but ur truly ugly if ur personality sucks and if u have no confidence. self care is important y'all
I think that depends on your sexuality. As what a hetero man may find unattractive in a woman, and non hetero woman will find beautiful. What a hetero woman may find unattractive in a man, a non hetero man may find beautiful. So, you have to figure out who is most important to attract for you according to your sexuality.
The thing thats not being mentioned isMaternal Support. I lacked this in an extreme way. I have also come across other young guys and girls who have extremely good support. This means the mother really helps you- does lots of clothes washing and drying, gives money for clothes , never shames you if you buy the wrong outfits as its an experiment, helps you organise your closets and drawers , so clothes are never chaotic . Also, they provide endless hot water and dont moan if you want 2 or 3 showers a day and money for beauty products. My family had a major fit when i asked for money for... conditioner!! There are also family members in some families who Really Dont Wantt you to look pretty, well groomed, lovely, as they are very Jealous. This condition is called Narcissistic Personality Disorder and lots of daughters especially feel Not Good Enough when the mother has this. You can read a lot about this on you tube.
I understand that feeling of avoiding!! I’m 17 rn and since I was 6 I became hyper aware on my looks. The thing is that before that, I was a really confident child, so yes, I agree with the belief that insecurities are inserted into our minds from other people. I started to get bullied by my entireee school, they used to call me elephant and throw peanuts at me! At 6 years old… of course anyone would loose their “unbreakable” confidence. Thanks to that, I developed many eating disorders and years of hiding and stuttering when talking to new people, just because I thought I was the ugliest “elephant” around. Right now I feel much better, of course now I’m in high school with new people, I’ve lost the weight, I’ve changed. Still, none of that counts into feeling better if you don’t work out all that crap people put in your head…therapy helped me realize many things. Those people calling you names are never going to give you that validation you crave and that is okay! They aren’t important even if they are your own family (my family used to call me names as well) people are going through their own stuff and aren’t as aware of their words as you might be. We should not wait for them to be aware of their harm, we should not wait for them to accept us, we should stop chasing them. You deserve love, love you and the change that comes with the package. There is beauty in the change of adolescence or even adulthood or any stage, there are always changes and if you don’t like how you look like then do something to change it in a healthy way!!! Not looking like others is what makes you special, but changing into a version you love most is also okay. Emotionally or physically, the discipline of change is positive. Change the way you talk to yourself and change the way you act with your life path.
In my head I not only look bad and ugly but I’m also annoying and very stupid and a freak. I was bullied frequently so frequently for my looks and my race that I developed such deep insecurities at 10 years old I attempted my life over my looks and my mind..
as Alessia Cara says "Beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything What's a little bit of hunger? I can go a little while longer," she fades away She don't see her perfect, she don't understand she's worth it Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface, oh, oh So to all the girls that's hurting, let me be your mirror Help you see a little bit clearer the light that shines within
As a dude, and knowing girls, there is definitely some objective level of physical looks that can make someone look ugly. You might mainly see personality, but I think a majority of people at least subconsciously treat and judge people based on how good looking they are at the surface
I firmly dont give a fck if complete randos think whether I am attractive or not, they dont pay my bills or will be there on my last breath. BUT learning how others perceive you its important in many facets of life is including one's advancement in work, social circles, etc its so damn annoying
What I will say Dr. Aaliyah is that not only are you incredibly beautiful to me, you are also filled with profound, intelligent insights that so neatly articulate the things that I've experienced living a life of shame and low self-esteem. And it's just a wonderful reminder that this sort of timeless wisdom about the human condition will always be relevant. Talk about being the total package!
This was me during my kid and teen years. Severely bullied for my weight then i finally lost it and just wanted to be invisible to no get shamed. Developed an ED which robbed me of 7 years. Now i lift and eat well no longer purge, but people don't realize the damage words and bullying do
My mom always told me that I have a big nose. I've accepted my appearance, but it took me about 5 years. I'm happy that I could overcome this. Now I see that my nose makes my face unique and attractive.
the problem is i’m a 5’0 petite blue eyed blonde girl but people still make fun of me and im considered ugly. even when you meet the standards, you’re still considered ugly. maybe it’s because im autistic and i have anxiety? i dunno.
the arguments in this video is inconsistent. the beginning: There are studies that show good looking people have a better life (there are also studies that show things are generally easier i.e. the halo effect) Later in this video: Whats sad is the belief of feeling ugly doesn't come from themselves. (Dont look for validation where you are in validated but also people a void doing things based on just that as per advice: take the picture from the back as opposed to the front) Also this video "its more about how you feel. lol which is it? what is the actual takeaway?
I've always felt less than or like I'd never be enough because I'm autistic. I didn't even know I was till I was 13. I spent all those years prior wondering what was wrong with me because I always knew I wasn't like the other kids. My teachers in elementary and middle school were mean to me and hated me so as a result, other kids were mean to me. Autism isn't considered a "pretty" thing to have, and people who do find it attractive most of the time find it attractive because they fetishize it and have a disgusting belief of neurodivergent women like myself. I don't want to be a fetish and I don't want to be considered "ugly" or "bad" because of a neurological disorder I have. I stopped trying in school for a long time because I thought "if other kids can do this and they find it easy, I must just be stupid so what's the point in even caring". I still don't really like this part of myself because it makes things as simple as interacting with others in my life who are mostly neurotypical of things like time management really difficult. To this day I'm still bullied in school for it. It's gonna take a long time for me to accept this part of myself but I really do want to work on it.
13:29 I can relate to this, Im Indian and I used to have self confidence and my race didn’t concern me. Then I got social media (esp instagram) and I was exposed to how people view Indians. “What race would you not date?” “Indians” “Indian girls are dark and hairy and smelly” All the attractive Indian girls had European features. I have shame when seeing my tan skin and two toned lips. I feel jealous when other races get so much more positive attention. East Asians and Latinas and Arabs and Europeans are fetishized and their features are sought after. I wish I could change my race and become light skinned and be perceived positively like almost every other race.
The problem isnt you, its the rest of the world. The number of dark skin girls of all shades that are so so pretty yet underrated used to shock me. Now dark skinned Indian girls with their healthy hair, their harmonious lips and gracefully shaped eyes? Ugly or unattractive in any way? Just madness!! I tell you its the rest of the world that is weirdly colorist We can change that, by letting dark skin girls, Indian women have their spotlight in movies, make up & hair product ads, shows and series etc. (I know a few series that showcase dark skin Indian women in all yueir beauty) More international representation, more public appreciation the eay they deserve. Then people at wide will finally understand they've been colorist idiots. (And the colorists should be rughtfully shamed) For now then, embrace beauty, embrace a few make up techniques that celebrate your features, colours that celebrate your skin tone, clothing that celebrate your body!! Embrace your beauty
Bruh, this one guy at work confessed his feelings to me when covid was still around and we were all wearing masks and as soon as he saw me without a mask, he dipped 💀 I didn’t like him so good riddance but that has traumatized me forever now and I have been hyperfixated on my looks since then. I even have a list of plastic surgery procedures I want to do.
I personally got a less common cut of the ugly experience, where I was assumed to be the one that'd one day snap and hurt a bunch of people, due to a disconcerting height, inability to socialize, and being fat. Didn't help that I for the life of me couldn't quite figure out how to shut up about my niche interest that added to that stigma. Because I was presumed to be the future domestic terrorist, people were never openly cruel to me. I just could feel their eyes tracking me as I moved past groups of my peers. Girls would avoid me because I was so unsettling. I'd receive more subtle mockery than others from boys. My presence was never something anyone looked forward to, but they wouldn't usually complain about it either. That deep feeling of unwantedness is something you get accustomed to, but never stops hurting. I did manage to scrape together a few people that didn't dislike me, but the way I went about it was kind of financially self-sacrificial, I'd constantly be the one to provide food at get togethers and activities so that even if they didn't want me for me, they'd want me for my willingness to provide a free meal. Shit sucked, and I'm still dealing with it at 19. I've gotten a little better, but it's very much still present.
The truth of the matter is, while you’re feeling insecure and inferior to others, there are also people feeling insecure and inferior to you. So stay woke, people. Shake it off 😘
you're not delusional for doing this, it's the bare minimum to do. Don't mind ppl who said that you're delulu when you just accept the way who you are. Mind you that they didn't accept themselves either lolll
10:00 this hit so close to home. I have cute outfits in my head that I’ll never have the confidence to wear because I don’t want to get attention and seem like an attention seeker, and I am one because my fears are either not getting compliments on my new hair/clothes or people talking negatively about it. So those clothes end up staying in my closet because I don’t want the potential attention of wearing it. It was so bad that I couldn’t even wear my hair down because the overwhelming negative thoughts of how people might react. Because of that, ever since middle school, I wore my hair in a low ponytail. And my outfits in school were basically leggings/jeans with a shirt and a hoodie or jacket.
As someone who always sticks out like a sore thumb bc of what I wear, don't let others rob you of the joy of looking how you want to. I don't think I'm pretty either, and confidence isn't a linear path, but here are some of the things I do that help me feel more comfortable dressing up: If you have suportive friends, go out with them and let them know about your outfit beforehand, pick a place you've been several times before and are familiar with, go out with something to cover up but, if you can, choose something that doesn't completely cover your outfit (jacket, coat, sweater), maybe change something in your ideal outfit for a piece that you feel more confortable with (think of it like a training wheels outfit), go out with headphones if you're not with friends, dressing up alone at home a few times before going out with your desired outfit. It could also help to talk to a therapist about your insecurities, really get into the root of the issue. I bet you'll look amazing regardless and I wish you the best of luck!
I think it’s very disingenuous to say you don’t think people actually do look ugly, that no one is really actually ugly. That’s so obviously wrong I just don’t understand how you could say it at around 6:30 mins in. You could Google fat and ugly people and you cannot tell me objectively this does not exist. Ugly can indeed be a feeling in some situations but it can also be an objective reality.
I haven't watched the video yet but I was in a car accident 2 years ago and even before that I always thought I was ugly and fat. I was about 120 pounds at like 9 or 10 and 4'11 (I think) but I was still the skinniest in the family. I was insecure and depressed and never expressed myself. I was and still am shy. Ever since my wreck, I dunno if it's because I almost died and it was a wake up call, but the first couple of months after I got over 200 stitches removed from my face I felt pretty for the first time. There were some days I felt ugly and still am insecure even now. I started a tiktok account and started to cosplay and express myself to my parents. I started taking care of myself and lost weight due to some medicine I was on. This is kinda a yap and probably doesn't have anything to do with the video, but I guess I just wanted to let people know it does get better. I've always told myself it's always bad before it gets better.
This happened TO ME 23:20 when I lost weight (became more attractive) I noticed I never got the chance to ask questions or be inquisitive because everyone was always asking me questions❤ kind of sad😢 Because they'll never know how curious i was about them. but that was something I noticed too
Every family dynamic is unique. My family never put any aesthetic or "girly" standards on their girls and only encouraged us to do well academically (helped both grandmothers and mother were not into fashion and were tomboyish). Grandparents/parents would call us beautiful and cute even if we were little messy gremlins, I only grew up caring about the opinion of my loved ones and not giving a damn about what others would think..but then, getting into the real world and wondering why everyone avoids you or treats you differently..and then learning the truth behind that, its like suddenly waking up in a whole new dimenssion where you must learn the rules of the game from scratch!!
You miss an important point. Too many insecure people point out things in others that they think is ugly. They do it cause they wish they had it. Its jealousy! You can be the most beautiful person in the world but still get those comments. People feel the need to put you down cause their beneath you!
watched this halfway shaving my face and scrubbing my calluses and now im eating rambutan. good video. ive always thought the same thing about people with "inherited attraction" i've met so many people with inherited attractiveness and almost all of them are so lame and has no personality. my sister and i dub them "flavorless people" bc they have no flavor. they might look pretty but watch them fail the bechdel test in under 5 minutes. most of them don't have hobbies or fandoms, they probably don't even know what "fandom" means because all their conversations and interactions with other people revolve around their attractiveness and dating is their only hobby.
paused at 10:15 time stamp to write this anyways i totally agree feeling ugly can come down to so much démodé than looks and. a lots of times comes down to how you feel about your self as a person and it’s so hard to change your own view point since you are either yourself all the time
I felt so called out when you started talking about avoidance behaviors LOL but its better to address it than continuing this self sabotage, as I have said no to invites to hangout with a group of acquaintances before just because i felt ugly. I felt like I’ve let appearance get to me, feeling like I HAVE to look good or else im invalid. It’s been a horrible hyperfixation I’ve had since i was in middle school, and since being told horrible comments as a kid, it just stuck. I am now a high schooler, and I still have this issue, but I’m working on overcoming it through small steps. Thank you Christina!! :)
I agree so much that “ugly” is a personality thing. Like when someone has a lot of bad personality traits it changes the way you see them. To all the people who are like no that’s wrong beauty is objective, that yes I still think beauty is a thing, but the way you act completely overrules how you look.
I'm a guy. Being ugly is the foundation of my personality. I've been called ugly most of my life. Hell, I made money off of being ugly (worked in security). I was born ugly and I'm gonna die ugly. That's just life.
See I'm gonna be very honest here... I don't know if many people can relate to me or not but i still want to say this...... The thing is that i don't know if I'm actually beautiful or not..... Sometimes i feel super confident of my self and sometimes not.... I have known lots of people who had a crush on me... I have so many people complementing me for my looks but i still feel like they're just being nice....there were also some people who mocked me cuz of my brown skin which is still one of my biggest insecurities but those are very few in number....Whenever i enter into a room or be with any stranger i can feel their stare.... But it just makes me so self conscious as if what I'm not looking good.... I wish i could get rid of this feeling
Bruh for me the problem is just where do I find other humans 😭my school is mini and there's no one in my grade that I could be friends with without changing my personality around them but literally what's the point of that. Like can I just go up to someone and ask if they want to come to my house and play Minecraft? 😔 That is if I even another human around my age outside 😩 Like… where do you find these people!?
I personally feel like this video is a little bit dishonest sometimes. Pretty and ugly are concepts that are definitely real and exist for people as well. While you can say overal that a person with all their parts might most of the time not be ugly (which I would doubt), you can definitely talk about looks exclusively and come to the conclusion that there are quite a few people that are ugly. Where you draw the line is kinda vague but everyone who is clearly below average in looks is feeling the consequences of that every day. I don't believe the solution is to tell people they are attractive even though they clearly aren't. The goal should be to find peace within yourself and to move on from the obsession with looks. It's more difficult, but more honest, and probably healthier in the long term.
Agreed. Very reminiscent of feel good "everyone gets a trophy" mindset from back in the day. They may mean well, but they're not actually helping. They're sugarcoating it and trying to inflict a sort of cognitive dissonance. If everyone is "x" then "x" nolonger has any meaning or value. Distinctions exist whether we like them or not. We cant just wave our hands and pretend like they don't, ignoring reality never works well in the long run.
I wouldn’t ever say I’m attractive. I probably equal out to average looking but I have features from medical reasons that I can’t change. Some can be improved with cosmetic surgeries but I have had more than 20 surgeries, ranging from minor 1 hr procedures to 18 hr marathon surgeries. So even if I could afford implants and scar removals, I wouldn’t want to go through the healing process for something not necessary. I tried to hide in my teens. I had a headgear retainer. Some of you may think ‘oh but they didn’t still use those back in the 90s.’ My orthodontist did. My guess would be it’s what my parents’ insurance would cover. I also had grandma glasses and long, shapeless home cuts with thick, frizzy blonde hair, because my mother with her perfectly straight, medium density hair didn’t know anything about maintaining waves. Combine that with being sick all the time and I looked like Gollum, in a wig, going through an awkward phase. I used to compensate by trying to fake being attractive. I wore what was supposed to be flattering for my undersized frame. Turns out it’s a lie that baggy things make skinny women look bigger. I looked like a kid playing dress up in adult clothes. I went to cosmetology school and finally learned how to do my hair and make up. But I always had disappointment when the people who only liked what I presented invited me to the beach or a pool and they saw what I actually look like. ‘What’s wrong with you? Why do you have so many scars? Why can I see your hip bones? That’s so gross.’ So I decided anyone in my life had to be deeper than that. I created my own style. I started dressing lore in line with the various fandoms I was in, vs what the masses want to see. Moreover I became more and more adventurous because people with interesting stories attract interesting people. I dove into my creativity and got into hobbies I found interesting. I didn’t just watch a video and think ‘must be nice to know how to shoot a bow and arrow.’ I started looking for second hand archery equipment and teaching myself offline. I didn’t just want to stick to my own style of art. I watched tutorials to try out abstract, tattoo flash, realism, photo realism, surrealism, etc. I dabbled in different mediums when I met people who were into art I hadn’t tried to make yet. I even started doing stone carving. The more creative and active people you know, the easier it is to learn these things because most can’t wait to find someone who will do their hobbies with them. I will never have thousands of surface level friends but the friends I have are there for me when I’m sick and can’t entertain them. They visit me in the hospital when I look like Gollum with the plague. They appreciate that I’m funny, and supportive, and a problem solver. They like the look I created to express the real me more than the canvas I had no choice in having, and they know I’ll drop everything when they need it. My marriage of 11 years is completely uncomplicated. We know each other completely and wouldn’t have even dated if we didn’t trust each other. Are arguments are usually dumb shit we will laugh about later. I know that all my success and my entire social life is real, and because of the actual me, vs some arbitrary and superficial bullshit. People who’ve always been attractive and never had to try to be accepted tend to have a lot of drama into adulthood. I have not dealt with that since my teens. Their friendships just seem like a chore to me and if that’s what it means to be accepted, then I don’t want it.
I felt like this most of my life to the point where I just avoid most social media, groups, social settings outside of work, etc... and I just started focusing on my hobbies instead, it's very freeing to not participate in such a shallow society.
I like these mentor type videos but I feel like I question Whether someone's qualified to give advice or even encouragement. Not trying to be critical it just sincerely crosses my mind. Like if someone's 23 how do they give life advice
Definitely not good looking but I also don’t care 2 rn I could very well start exercising shave get a cut and get some good drip but I work in sewars whit a bunch of 50 year old men so idgf to look good cus I am not currently looking for a girl or friends so why waste my time
I feel you. I remember going out with 2 of my friend's. There are 3 of us, 4 other guys who randomly saw us at the mall. All 4 of the guys asked both of my friends for their socials and numbers while i stood there like a mf statue bc they didn't want me. I also remember taking a selfie with my friend and my friend posted it and ppl were asking for an @. So my friend replied with "Oh my friend's @? Its @(insert my account name)." And then they guys would reply "ew no not her @. Whats yours. I wanna get to know you". These situations broke my heart bc what was so bad for me. The second situation happend on the bus ride back from a field trio and the whole bus ride back and when i arrived home, i was in a sour mood. I was so jealous of my friends too bc so many people want them but didn't want me. I almost got mad at my friend but quickly ended that anger without letting it reach her bc shes a sweet girl abt cares abt me sm. Not her fault other ppl think im ugly
I have another story lol. Okay so my friend who i ended my last story abt had to move skl's this year bc she moved. And her first day of skl was today. She got onto a bus and a guy announced to the whole bus that he found her cute and that all of the new girls were ugly but she was gorgeous. That would NEVER happen to me. Queen Elizabeth has a higher chance coming back from the dead than that happening to me. Shes also a cheerleader and she did her first football game at her new skl recently and one of the football boys immediately started crushing on her. If it were me, they would avoid me or only pretend to crush on me so they can see me get excited and laugh at me. Its not like me and my friend are super different personalities wise. We're basically the same person personality wise. We just look diff
The biggest thing about beauty is understanding that there are ugly and attractive people out there. You may be ugly but that doesn't mean you are worth less than someone else. There are some things you can do to improve your looks if you want to but understanding who you are and just accepting it can be a great first step to a better mindset. I personally don't feel attractive and I don't care. I do my best to look good for myself and that's all I can do, and in the end it makes me happier. Being ugly is a mindset for most people and is extremely difficult to get out of but if you can you will live a better life
I'm a 22 year old that's been struggling with acne since I was like 14/15. If I got a dollar every time someone gave me unsolicited advice on how to clear up my acne, I would have well over $100.
Thank you so much for this video, really. I feel like many people talk about this in some way but never have I seen such a detailed video which made me so feel this understood - love your advices!!
I was a pretty kid. I specify kid because I hadn't started growing much, I'd say maybe until 4th grade. I was a platinum blonde white girl with blue eyes. But as I got older, I kinda got uglier. My face grew narrow and crowded my adult teeth. My mom would literally call me cone head. I had horrible acne and still do just with many more scars. My hair was a dirty blonde and at some point was greenish. I was constantly tired and had my hair pulled into a braid. People really started making fun of how I looked, especially my damn near, invisable eyebrows. I got braces in 7th grade and started dressing emo. The harassment was crazy. A couple of years later, I feel a lot better about how I look, but I know Im not jaw-droppingly beautiful. My face is no longer as narrow because of the braces (which got removed a couple of months ago), but that also means I look like my dad. Who is a man. Which isn't terrible because Im agender but still. High School has been pretty shitty for a queer, androgynous, "blue haired pronoun having liberal" (/j), but it definitely gave me a sense of humility that Im greatful for.
Ive never been told i am ugly but i think im ugly. I feel fat, i dont dress well and im too guarded. People make friends with me and i appreciate it but i never feel close to people. Im a huge people pleaser, i probably strive for validation, not compliments.
I’ve realised that people who view themselves as ‘ugly’ are usually really attractive. It’s so sad how people thing that they are ugly when they are really beautiful ❤
Ah yes, what society never warns you about after glowing up: being bullied for being pretty. People take one look at you and instantly despise you because your appearance activates their own insecurities. Growing up ugly, I thought life would magically get better once I glowed up. In a lot of ways it did. But I had no idea that the bullying would intensify.
Yall there aren't ugly people only unhealthy people just be healthy sit up straight fix your posture,mew breath through your nose and not your mouth because thats unhealthy have healthy hair,skin workout meditate increase your energy love yourself thar will make you attractive People are attractive to healthy people strong powerful people Anything unhealthy will make you ugly like anxiety depression, suger alcohol, insecurity Confidents is attractive
People can't help if they have anxiety and depression it's an illness and it's not something you can simply get rid of. I've dealt with both my whole life and I've tried everything, the best I can do is regulate it. So am I supposed to just have to accept being ugly forever because I have an illness? It's so frustrating.
@avidfoodenjoyer5196 omg I am so sorry I should have explained you more I also have depression and anxiety I'm 19 it's not that bad anymore sense I focused on my brain so depression and anxiety is the cause of unhealthy brain learn to regulate your emotions stop trying to get rid of them try to feel them take your time and then move on stop scrolling on tiktok that's so unhealthy and it will damage your brain so will alcohol, processed suger,junk food ,Corn 🌽🍆if u know what I mean,no sun lights, staying away from people,,comparing yourself to other people, holding on to the past wishing to change it, learn to balance your dopamine and do nothing stare at the wall and breath let go of the past focus on the present stop comparing yourself to other it's easier said then done but do it and stop eating junk food or sweats there so unhealthy they'll damage your brain learn to love yourself and stop people pleasing learn to be okay with people not liking you learn to respect yourself and so will other people they'll treat so much better if you take care of yourself look clean and healthy ✨️HOW TO CHANGE YOUR FACE ✨️ THINGS THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR FACE blood,hormones, your brain,foods,muscles ,emotions ,vitamins,neck,energy ok so you want more blood through your body exercise and meditate eat onions and take omega 3 you can take supplements or eat fish your skin will look so good musturise your skin and hair have healthy skin and hair ear carrots 🥕 sweat patatos eat lots of fruits and vegetables meditating is so healthy for your mind it will boost your energy you want to feel happy happiness will change your face people look at your face first and not your body the face can say alot about you avoid stress hormones feeling to much stress and damage your brain and so does no stress so a little stress is good you need to go out you need vitamin d you can get it through the sunlight or supplements I recommend sunlight and if you do take supplements also take vitamin k3 or something I forgot exactly why so do your research drinks lots of water and eat healthy all your body parts will be affected by this mewing is useless if you have poor posture so sit up straight if your a man try to increase your testosterone and if your a woman increase your estrogen you estrogen will make you more feminine and testosterone will make you more masculine it will also change your voice so you was to avoid stress,sadness by avoiding them it doesn't work heal feel them stop talking bad about yourself love yourself and your anxiety and depression will go away and if it won't by trying to force it to go away it won't you need to make peace with it that's how it will go away and listen to subliminals
@avidfoodenjoyer5196 I recommend meditating for hours and stop avoiding your emotions like going on social media when ever u feel sad just quit social media and eat healthy go outside see the sun
@@BogdanCovaci-vd3wy I go outside everyday, I walk at least 5 miles most days. I am very in shape, and I eat pretty darn healthy for the most part. I can't even hardly use social media because I don't have data. I still struggle with insecurities and I still have anxiety. I don't have time with my school schedule to meditate right now, but I will try to give it a go when I can. It just sucks because for the most part I do all of these things, and I still am so down on myself. Still, thank you for your advice.
I know I’m some what pretty, but I know alot of girls my age don’t want to really talk to me or spend time because I’m on the spectrum. I often don’t even want to talk anymore because of all the comments girls have made about me. Even if I match girls hobbies and interests I don’t match them enough to be accepted with anyone. I just feel no matter how pretty I am or how many surgeries I get (if I get any) I won’t match society
Why would someone get insecure for being muslim u literally should be so proud that ur going on the right path and u have ur own believes and religion i don't get it why did you use that as an example???
i have spoken to people who've been get bullied and experienced racism and zenophobia for their religion and i know it can knock their confidence a lot, i understand how you've taken it the wrong way, but this is not my intention at all
@@ChristinaAaliyah frrrr like i live in Europe and my younger brother's friend used to get her hijab pulled off and some ppl put stones in her own brother's bag just because they are Muslim Religion is never something to be insecure of but i can only imagine how the poor 11 yr old girl feels just thinking that the reason her life at sch is bas is because of her religion 😢
6:44 They are literally two different sets of people in the same platform or environment. Sheep graze on the same pastures where wolves hunt. Both share the same space, but they are not the same creatures.
A lot of people don’t understand when it comes to weight… I agree with some points but you missed gaining weight as well. More and more women are bigger and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just when men and bigger women make fun of more fit and skinny people. Imagine being black and considered “skinny” but you’re at a healthy weight.. they push for us to have that bbl body even at a young age…💀💀
I know I’m some what pretty, but I know alot of girls my age don’t want to really talk to me or spend time because I’m on the spectrum. I often don’t even want to talk anymore because of all the comments girls have made about me. Even if I match girls hobbies and interests I don’t match them enough to be accepted with anyone.
My sense of dread came from, people... if they liked me they treated me badly and if they hated me they also treated me badly... I have only felt accepted by a tiny number of people none of them were immediate family. Acceptance is strong. I don't need to be in a relationship if I have a great friend but it gets harder as I get older because people grow apart, families take the best friends away... it's natural but it sucks and you're left alone with nobody to do anything with or to talk with... acquaintances are best friends to someone but not me... I have never had a boyfriend who liked me for me, it's always something superficial not something that will be foundational to having a relationship... I'm just venting, because this video spoke to me 💯 I'm the ugly girl or duff that is always alone.
My whole childhood I was spent being called ugly, it carried into my teen years up until around my senior year I overheard some people calling me attractive and I just can’t see anything but ugliness now. Doesn’t help I’m mtf either it just makes it worse
