My husband brought home groceries, things we needed, without me asking him to. When I was very sick after major surgery, he brought the mattress downstairs and put it in the living room. The doctor told me no stairs for six weeks. There were times that he would bring me flowers for no reason. He'd come home from work, get cleaned up and tell me that we were going to the movies after dinner at our favorite restaurant. He would give me money and tell me to go shopping for myself and just leave the kids with him. Sometimes, he'd be playing his favorite music and just grab me and dance with me in the living room. Our kids thought we were crazy. LOL! He even showed me how to do a tune-up on my car. The little things were the ones that mattered most. We were married for 35 years. I miss him so much.😢 He lost his battle with cancer in 2017.
@Someguy1357 and whats the point of the comment...? if the man's issue is that the woman doesnt want to have sex, and the woman doesnt want to have sex because the man isnt giving affection outside of trying to have sex... then how would the reverse have the same effect? and do some self reflection if not having sex "turns you off" from wanting to cuddle your wife non sexually
Thats why I ended my marriage. My husband never gave me non - sexual attention and affection and love. Left him although I had three kids with him by then.... It was the right thing to do, although it meant walking away from financial security. After a few years I met a wonderful man who appreciated me for who I am as a human being - not a sex object. He married me, and he has been the most loving husband, as well as a wonderful stepfather to my children.
It's also sad when your partner misuses the word and calls us watching TV together "intimacy". "We are plenty intimate together! I don't know what you're complaining about" He is so clueless -_-
@@AT-vp8qwMen don't usually have a whole lot of sources to call upon to learn about things like intimacy. That and the easiest approach is to see things in white and black as a man. Harder to misread a situation and end up being labeled something or punished for a mistep. It's one of the reasons men value bluntness so much. It's like getting mad at someone for not knowing a language they've had little to no interaction with. Yea the language barrier sucks , but if he's earnestly trying to learn it for your sake then I hope you don't shit on him for it.
@@AT-vp8qw I feel like at this point men lack So much education they just completely lack Social skills and their brain is very underdeveloped in Social areas. I really hope Society starts educating them more Instead of just letting it go and forcing them to be undeveloped shitheads
@@opdinkleberg7078 I wouldn't take all their liability from it either though. They have many opportunities to learn-- from the people in school or their family. Yet it was their choice not to. We can't just excuse their behavior as if they were innocent, although they are definitely affected and influenced by things that are out of their control, their choice to continue the cycle shpuldn't be excused.
now if only women could treat men like humans for once :O i love when women claim be exhausted yet throught history men are still the highest death rate at a young age.
If a boy grows up seeing only that behavior in his home, that’s what he’ll do as a spouse. So be a good example because “the sins of the fathers are visited upon the sons, to the third and fourth generation.” ~ Numbers 14: 18 This happens, regardless of whether you believe in God or not. It’s like a relational law of physics.
She’s not a sex toy! She’s living, breathing, human being with thoughts and emotions! Give a flower love, attention and care and it will bloom for you!
Thank you! Geez I needed to see something like this, I literally just saw a comment five minutes ago "Women have it so easy. So true" Like what the fuck is the matter with y'all? We ALL have issues, stop acting like we do not
@@mrce420.7 the problem is 90% of women's issues are bullshit they made up in their head while trying to find as many excuses why they're not attracted to their partner and why they're not going to have sex with them rather than just getting fucked and clearing your pretty little head
honestly! Pisses me off that a guy will demand sex from the girl, instead of accepting that she has to be in the mood. If she's not, you have two hands of your own bro!
I remember saying to a guy friend “you know your girlfriend is a person right?” I got stared at me for a minute then accused me of sticking up for her because I’m a girl. He got broken up with three days later and had no idea why. 😩🤦🏽♀️
Non sexual affection is THE one for me. I want to know I can cuddle with a man without feeling like it needs to go any further than that. Sometimes you just want to feel loved.. not make love. There is a difference.
OMG SAME, the song "Like we'll never have sex" puts it into words really beautifully. I recommend listening to it, it's beautiful, but here's some of the lyrics: Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me Not to take me home It was simple, it was sweetness It was good to know You look perfect, you look different I don't wonder about your indifference If I said you could never touch me You'd come over and say I looked lovely Oh, you kissed me just to kiss me Not to make me cry It was simple, you are sweetness Let's just sit a while
I was told once by my eighth grade history teacher “if the facts or truth of a situation makes you feel like the bad guy or the villain, you probably were in that situation “ and honestly I apply that everyday and never forgot it
@@pepinopepino7 Apply common sense and logic, Try to put yourself in the other person/partner's shoes, take examples from others successful relationships that around you / close to you, you'll get facts.
@@pepinopepino7 Because facts are true regardless of who says them. 2+2=4. If you never cuddle your partner without expecting sex, you know that. If you can't remember the last time you and your partner went on a date or your partner does all of the housework, those are facts and aren't subject to personal bias.
This is why I feel disgusted when people talk about "withholding sex" as a form of abuse. I don't feel like something you're not owed can be withheld. It feels manipulative and just not right to say "not consenting to me using you is abuse"
@@WeKnow_yet it doesn’t feel manipulative to you when a wife is withholding any kind of intimacy just to get what she wants in a relationship, knowing her husband is pent up after a long time of not having sex and using that to get what she wants ?
Not trying to excuse the behavior but men have never really been taught love.. I don't even remember the last time any of my parents said "I love you" without me having to say it first
Just a reminder that the entire concept of “withholding sex” rests on the idea that sex is something she does FOR you instead of with you for her own enjoyment.
Sex isn't a right. Its a privilege and a process that BOTH sides have to agree on. Women aren't sex objects when you're in a relationship with them smh
If she’s not emotionally satisfied then sex is definitely something she’s doing ‘for’ you and not with you. Men seriously need to be more present in the relationship that happens outside of the bedroom.
Yes!! I feel like this is the origin of slt shaming; the idea that sex is something you do TO a woman, not WITH a woman, and that if a woman "lets" a man have sex with her, she obviously doesn't respect herself because why else would she let a man do something to her that he views as an inherently disrespectful act?
Divorce was the best thing to happen to me. My life has improved in more ways than I could imagine! No more putting up with someone who did not consider me a human worthy of basic kindness.
I really wish the importance society gives to a mans sexual needs would also be given to a womans emotional needs. We dismiss so many poor behaviours from men because of their "sex drive" but we shame,ignore and berate women for their "emotional" drive. We're BOTH human, we BOTH have needs lets all try to meet halfway here.
The fuck you mean? It's alreqdy all about women's need ALL THE TIME. Help center for women, shelter for women, line calling for women, they even have free spychological help. Her poor comportment is justify by her hormones because she is either pregnant or on her period, guess what: men also have hormones and these hormones cause the hornyness but we never talk about it l, we dismiss it. The fact that a man want intimate relation with his wife is hormonal same thing as women's hormones. Also, why would a man have to do everything just to maybe have acces to his woman? Makes no sense. Maybe if you'd suck his dick once in a while he would do these asked things in the first place. It goes both way.
My ex would just go on and on until i gave in, or use anger as a way to force me to agree, and then never understood why i never wanted it.. especially since it was only ever focused on him, never me. So happy to be single now ✨️
Same! I remember me and my ex once getting into a serious argument, because he got really angry at me for refusing him sex. Truly wish I would have had the strength and self confidence back then to just break up. I went with it far too long and let him just have his will most of the time.
the groping thing was a huge pet peeve of mine to the point that it started making me feel uncomfortable. It would be different if we were in a playful mood already but coming up and grabbing my vagina while I'm cooking is just ridiculous and will never make me want to be sexual. just feels gross, especially when I'm already checked out of the relationship mentally and haven't gotten normal attention.
@@LilFrg yeah and apparently my ex didn't understand consent at all because we had other issues as well. his needs were always more important than my comfort.
"She's depriving me!" Let's let that sink in. She is lonely in the relationship, feels used and taken for granted because she doesn't experience love in the ways that actually matter to stay in a relationship. She has to do everything because if not, nothing ever gets done. She has to care for kids, drive them to school, feed them, get them to bed at night, raise them and help with their problems. Let's face it, she IS being used and taken for granted. She IS deprived of love and care. She IS alone in the relationship. This conversation never fails to infuriate me.
@24SparrowJack all of that, a lengthy explanation of the emptiness most women feel in a relationship with a man, and you still end up blaming her? Did you completely miss the point? And even if you did understand, women rarely give up on a relationship fast. She will try to fix things, and depending on how open and communicating she is, she has probably said it plain as day that she is not happy and things need to change, multiple times. This will go on for quite the while before she finally breaks. And the whole cheating thing highly depends on what kind of person she is, because not everyone is excited about it. That is also why most women don't dwell on the breakup; they are already over it for months.
I married the wrong man 10 years ago. I’m now divorced. I still feel so stupid and feel lots of guilt for letting someone slowly control me and get away with it. I want my 10 years back!! 😭
Never feel ashamed or stupid. Eventually, you made the right choice FOR YOU, and it's all that matters. I understand it might feel this way, but the fact that you stayed and tried is something to be proud of. THEY should be ashamed that regardless of how probably easy you made it for them, they were too lazy and self-centered to made their part. Shame on them, not you. I am glad you are out of this. Stand tall, head high!
Im trying to stay strong but even Pretending to be strong has caused some people to envy me because they think I have my life together. But I don’t. I’ve been doing a lot of reckless self harm, not physically but mentally and financially. I need a psychiatrist/ psychologist but don’t know where to even start or look.
@@galaxyqueen8835 it’s a long process. No one, even older adults, are free from struggles and “self-destructive” behaviour. Better Help was my first move, but it can be expansive. There are also local free help lines you can find where they can refer you to the proper resources. It’s never too late. Don’t give up. :)
Nah, they need to have good fathers in their life. I agree alpha male shitcast need to take a gainer of the Empire state building. But you need to understand that an extreme is still an extreme. This was so over the head it made me cringe just like fuckboi tate.
Yaaaaas! This comment is the summery of every comment here. Communication, open genuine communication, is the key for loving and lasting relationship. I had some k!nks (like toy$ - hugo etc) that I was afraid my bf would dislike but after talking to him openly we made our own collection that grows every few months. I know its different kind of communication but the principles are the same.
Those women are literally getting graped when they endure it simply so they husband is ok. Men be terrible partners then wonder why most divorces are initiated by women
No the final nail in the coffin happens long before that. You likely get bored and start thinking about other options because women today aren't loyal.
it should turn into „getting a divorce“ Enthusiastic consent is the only form of consent and your partner or worse husband not caring equally about your pleasure is the biggest red flag and shows he neither loves or respect you histidine your body as a toy to get himself off..
”My wife doesn’t want to have s*x with me :(” ”Is there literally any reason for her to feel interested other than your own horniness?” ”I don’t see how that’s relevant”
I couldn't agree more, at first I really loved the butt slaps and the "damn girlllll" but now since that's the only kind of physical affection he shows, can't even give me a hug without grabbing my butt- it honestly makes me feel like just a piece of ass.
Have you told him that? Might be that he thinks you like that, because in the beginning you liked it. Nothing wrong with wanting other ways of affection, but men are no mindreaders!
@@spiderseatbaby3692 Some of us have tried. But found out it is like talking to a brick wall or get into an argument because he refuses to see your side of things.
A few months ago, Mum tripped and badly sprained her foot and broke a toe. It's amazing her foot didn't break actually we thought for sure it was broken. She had quite bad cuts up her legs. Putting her arm out to brace her fall retriggered her already chronic neck and shoulder pain and then sitting and lying down so much during her recovery retriggered her sciatica. She's 68. I took care of her and the housework because she wasn't able to walk even with crutches, she really needed rest and recovery and poor Mum was in a fair bit of pain so was on a strong script. I got no help from my father but I also didn't anticipate any. He took to moping and drinking sitting out the front of the property. Initially I thought wow, I guess he's really feeling bad for Mum but I wish he'd express it in a way that's more helpful to her. But then on the literal second day, I noticed Dad had added "b low job" to the the list I was keeping on the kitchen bench of things that needed doing (I suppose Dad had mistaken my handwriting for Mum's because Mum normally keeps lists in the same place, but for Christ's sake did he really not stop to think given the circumstances?). I rewrote the list and binned that copy just in case Mum got up on her crutches and read it. But it pissed me off and disappointed me because it clicked into place why Dad was fucking moping so much and hitting the booze. He was feeling sorry for himself not for Mum! How God damn selfish. It pisses me off now just thinking about it. He was really thinking "how does my wife's injury effect _my_ -wants- *needs?!".*
That is absolutely disgusting. When people brag on long marriages I usually know better 20 30 40 years isn't necessarily a romantic success story. I often find it's one person giving everything and the other just using and I have seen old men get new gfds literally the day after the wife's funeral. Replaced like an employee. Your mom is lucky to have you though.
That is absolutely disgusting. When people brag on long marriages I usually know better 20 30 40 years isn't necessarily a romantic success story. I often find it's one person giving everything and the other just using and I have seen old men get new gfds literally the day after the wife's funeral. Replaced like an employee. Your mom is lucky to have you though.
The wife would also be sexually deprived since I doubt she getting an organisms lol. And the husband could be emotionally deprived hut idk since men don't seem to care about it that much.
The annoyance that he depicted as the husband trying to understand why his wife might be acting that way but not wanting to understand is just spot on. He is like: "why am I being told to put efforts? I should just have what I want. Its always been like that."
They will not listen to it because it is cancerous af, masking as 'help'. It is manipulative to the max, and it feeds into the victimhood identity of all the wrong people. This has nothing to do with your gender - we live in current year, where bullshit is bullshit, no matter the genitals of the source.
Ruling out obvious ones is this guy saying “have you tried these things your wife hasn’t voiced?” And it’s never about women meeting a man’s emotional needs, it’s always the man who isn’t doing something right to treat the woman perfectly and never in these videos does this guy actually meet in the middle and say something like “well maybe she could do a better job of describing her needs, but we can always try to anticipate” because that’s exactly what this video is
He’s saying the video creator frames every relationship issue as a result of the man’s failings as opposed to both the man’s failings and also the woman’s failings. For instance, the woman could communicate that her demands for the relationship aren’t being met. Moreover, the video creator doesn’t investigate possible blame from the woman’s side, E.g. she doesn’t try to get herself in the mood by reading or watching erotic content before, she isn’t eating right or working out, she doesn’t talk about how he can better please her in the bedroom etc
Sex can be perfectly fine and enjoyable without love. What stings is when someone who used to show you that love and affection stops offering you love and affection, and begins demanding sex without them as though nothing had changed. In one case, there was a mutual understanding and, while it may not reach the heights of sex within a relationship, can still be extremely satisfying. The other feels like you're being neglected, or used as a human sex toy (in a bad way).
It's smelly. Overated. As Shirley Valentine said. "Just a lot of huffing and puffing" not much to show at the end of it. Except perhaps pregnancy. The woman is expected to ingest the chemical cosh for years.
Hey, I'm not hating, but... it seems like your partners either sucked in making you having fun or you're ace. First sucks, second is totally fine. Or you're hurt by a purity culture. For which I'm sorry. Personally, Sex is awesome. I love my partner, but we also just cuddle and just hug other. Makes Sex even better, because I can just relax and be in the moment. And to me, it's awesome. Multiple orgasms are possible. (For which you also need to know your own body. That's also a thing you're responsible for as well)
So that marriage is just on paper, should he get a prostitute instead of a wife or something? Why is it wrong to cheat if sexual relationships isn't something supposed to be gotten from your partner? You're just being ridiculous, if she got needs he got needs too. Your partner doesn't owe you your needs? That's literally what women are asking for in this video while saying their partners aren't owned to
@@justaguy3538💯 these women can't understand the needs of a man, nor do they care, yet they want only their needs being met, no wonder the divorce rates are through the roof. Us women are emotional, men are mostly sexual, by nature, our biology, our hormones are literally the reason, nothing wrong with that, there has to be a balance, I meet your needs, you meet mine, we both are happy! My husband and am I are about to celebrate our 19th anniversary because I UNDERSTAND men have needs as well and their needs are valid!
When someone demands to be the victim, rather than approaching as an equal. 🙄🤣 ETA- I am considering the person in OP's comment who was saying "she is depriving me," as the person who is identifying as a victim. They are attempting to force an unequal dynamic.
Exactly I keep telling my husband I feel like the maid and a prostitute. Guess what he bought me to wear to bed? A maids costume!!! 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️ nope not fulfilling the fantasy dream on that one.
Something I like about this dude is the kindness he uses while trying to help people see the problem. Like he never gets aggressive or frustrated. He continues to show empathy even when the person might not always deserve it
Yeah, this skit wasn't overly mean in making a point. I know he's just talking to himself on video, but he's also talking to any men that complain about the same problem who might see this.
My personal rules if or when Im in a relationship: 1: If there's an issue, COMMUNICATE CLEARLY! 2: Set boundaries 3: Respect my partner's boundaries 4: When arguing, don't focus on winning. Focus on reaching a compromise where everyone wins.
My ex acted like a child, making me the only person responsible for housechores, even if my shifts are 10h per day. Plus, when I told him, he just aswered "tell me what to do and I'll do it". After a while I stopped being interested in sex 'till the point where I litterally told him: "you are forcing me to act as if I was your mother. Well, moms don't usually have sex with their children!". When we broke up (for a moltitude of reason, icluding this) he insisted that I should have told him what needed to be done around the house. Clueless, like he did't live there.
@@Opal5674yup… men know what to do. If he doesn’t do it it’s because he didn’t want too. It’s that simple. Women need to see that for what it is and stop making excuses for men’s poor behavior. If the woman of his dreams entered his life how much you would want to bet he would be doing EVERYTHING you’ve been “whining” about for the last three years and then some just to impress and be with that woman.
@@Bri-nc8yp Literally this. That sh*t really hurts when you have to dump someone for neglecting you. And then when they move on to their dream woman, they start doing everything for her that they couldn't be bothered to do for you. SMDH.
Lots of guys are not intuitive or observant and really do need to be told or given a list or something. A schedule posted or something. To some degree I think it's how their brains work. But, that doesn't mean it's helpful having to always tell them what to do. Edit to add that I have known some men who were better at picking up on things- needs, schedules, etc. than others. Idk understand why it's harder/easier for some than for others.
What does their whining matter to clipboard dude, who actually gets laid and likely so with high quality of intercourse and overall life, while they sulk ;D
I don’t say this often with videos on the internet, but this is great advice that should be listened to. It really does address the intimacy issues with a lot of relationships.
"I want intimacy and that he will be interested in my personality." "I don't feel satisfied, and I'll assume it's because my boyfriend neglects me and just wants to have sex with me" "That's why I'm gonna cheat on him with a manipulative narcissist who only cares about sex"
The problem is that men need intimacy to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to be intimate. If either side is not actively initiating, then one or the other will stop fulfilling the others emotional needs. Combine that with the fact that everybody spouts off about how you need communication for a successful relationship, without clarifying that everybody (especially when comparing men and women) communicates differently. So, for every man out there who is not making her feel loved in a way that will spark her drive for intimacy, there are as many women who are not effectively communicating their needs.
@@anactualbear5683men and women are all different. gender wouldn't define what you want in a relationship. but if you only need intimacy to feel loved, you have to understand that you need to work harder for that. since your already in a relationship, loving your partner is a must. so if she's deprived of being loved outside of intimacy, that's an issue. you should feel love just because. not only because of intimacy. plus, some people have less of a sex drive. so you maybe should find another way to feel loved by a partner besides sex 😭😭 it doesn't sound healthy at all
@@hueningpie you misunderstand. There are multiple forms of love. You can learn to love anybody if you try hard enough, but this video is referring specifically to being in the mood sexually. Sex is not the default requirement for love, but to not be willing to initiate because you aren't feeling something else, is going to lead to his feeling undesired by her, which then means he is less likely to be driven to fulfill her emotional needs. It's a cycle, and gender plays a role here with the brain chemistry of love. So if she withholds affection, but then doesn't communicate why or what she actually needs, then the high likelihood is that he will start to withdraw as well, and potentially leads to resentment. This is not necessarily a conscious decision, but is one that occurs in many relationships.
this is wild to hear as someone in the adult industry, for whom these men come to when they're being "deprived" instead of working on a more well rounded relationship
And then men like this get upset because the therapist is always on her side even though they’re just using their intelligence and years of schooling/experience to assist both of you.
@@chrisallen9296Not many though. Because giving somebody the tools to abuse their partner is punished by law. They can easily lose their license. Especially cause most women ending up in that situation will leave eventually if the man doesn't change. And that will be taken to court at the divorce.
I've actually heard a therapist say that in psychotherapy school they are taught to always validate the woman, regardless if she is in the right or not, because otherwise she will be defensive and therapy won't work or she will leave altogether. Meanwhile they don't care about the men's feelings because the think they can take it. I wish it was different but not only couples therapy but psychology in general is made by women for women. Don't get me wrong, I love that they get the attention and support they need, what I don't get why this has to be a zero sum game where one party wins and the other loses. Men have different needs and ways to deal with feelings, and shaming us because we don't function as defective women is like blaming a cancer patient because he/she does not improve by having an insulin shot, it was bound to fail.
@@nicolasmoreno9442 Psychology was literally created by men what do you mean by it was made by women for women?? I have also literally never heard of people being taught to always validate the woman. Either that therapist is super old and what they said is outdated, or they learned from a really shit professor/university. Therapy in general is a mixed bag and I highly doubt that the idea of always validating the woman is a widespread ideology. On a slightly unrelated note, did you really just say "we don't function as defective women"?? Sir, politely, wtf.
@@nicolasmoreno9442Found the one who needs therapy! Everything you just said is so wrong that I partially feel like you are being facetious. Or you're literally just proving this video so fucking right. Whoever taught you about therapy knew nothing about therapy or its education. Jesus fuck christ dude my god. *spelling
almost started crying watching this. i wish i knew how to express these feelings when i was experiencing this for the first time. thank you for these videos
@@fraydizs7302 Why do women need to ask men (or even crazier, why do wives have to ask their husbands) to treat them with basic human respect and kindness?
@@fraydizs7302 Yeah well someone needs to be. Because her husband isn't adult enough to comprehend that his wife is a human being and not a pleasure doll.
I was this guy and it almost killed my marriage. Luckily she was able to get through to me and didn't give up on me and now our relationship is better than it has been in our entire 7 years together. I still have lots to improve on but just the fact that I am working on it has brought us so much closer together.
Thank you so much for your content. I just quit an difficult relationshio of almost 9 years. My ex made me feel so damn wrong about nearly everything like wanting to talk, wanting affection, wanting to spend time together, being awful for not beeing in the mood after never beeing spoken to, feeling seen or understood, never being touched when it wasnt about sex. This channel is a part of healing for me because it helps me to understand that I wasnt asking for to much or something thats not normal. During that relationship I almost startet to believe that I am super needy, clingy, somehow crazy ... while today I think Im actually a really good woman and would be a good wife. I have so much love, kindness, loyalty, understanding, care and many other things to give. The healing will take me some time but seeing this helps me believe that one day I will find someone to love me for more than being a body in the bed and cleaning lady.
If she’s autonomous then she is providing for her own food, clothing, and shelter. If he’s providing it, then she’s not really autonomous anymore. She’s an entitled leech.
I wonder, has she initiated any of that towards him? Why is this a one-way thing? It takes two. Sometimes it's a matter of how they're both working together, not just one person's fault. This does end up sounding like a blame game, because we're only seeing one side. And it's obviously a skit, not a real scenario. This is like a caricature. Most men are not actually this shallow, and if they are, they're likely not going to change. Things are usually far more nuanced than this skit is portraying.
The fact is most of the house work and child care falls onto the woman even if she's working full time. Yes it's a skit but it's not exaggerated that much. Most guys are completely clueless that women can't just be over worked and stressed and still have the energy to sleep with a guy. Also most guys are all about their needs in bed and fail to satisfy their women so it could also be that.@@ErickMcNerney
@@ErickMcNerneyyou seem to have missed the inherent point of the skit: that love shouldn't always have to be expressed sexually. the gender of the bad partner is irrelevant.
"She's depriving me" I wanted to vomit after hearing that. I'm so glad my parents taught me that I have absolutely no rights to a woman's (or anyone's) body.
@@CivilMark Yeah it seems like it should be common sense and people skills but apparently it's not? At least if I do something bad accidentally, and I see that my action hurt someone, my gut reaction is not to do that again because I have basic respect and empathy for others. If they feel bad I feel bad.
People forget that the dating period doesn't end after marriage. People change over time naturally and marriage is a process of constantly getting to know each other better.
@@d4z_l20svaQ12what they are saying is, the dating stage never stops in a marriage. To keep a women, merried or not, you have to keep dating her. Take her out, give flowers, etc. Constantly show you love her.
Mine would sit in a totally different room every evening unless he wanted sx, then he would come sit with me ang bring me a glass of wine or cup of tea. So transparent. Made me so resentful I could not stop thinking about how angry he made me. Sx was never on the cards
@@Cleow33 I imagine that if he came through with the wine/tea/etc without expecting intimacy then it would happen far more often that it did with his transactional perspective
I just read a thread recently about a woman whose husband "kindly" volunteered to give her a massage, which inevitably always led to sex. she started saying "no" to the massages because she knew he was just doing it for his own selfish wants, and the ten minutes of half-assed massage wasn't worth it.
It is all a matter of perspective. What he was doing was indirect communication. They both know the massage is a prelude to sex, so if they know that and he offers it, then she understands what he is offering is sex. However, it doesn't have the impact of asking directly. I live in Japan and all communication is like that... I actually don't think it's problematic unless there is a lack of understanding regarding the meaning.
@@muhammedahmed3291dude this is the second comment of yours where you blame it all on the woman and never on the man, I don’t know you but this indicates me that you are part of the problem
I used to have a high libido, but ever since having my son its dropped significantly. Theres not much non sexual affection coming from him, Im mentally exhausted all day, I dont show much physical affection (kissing, hugging) because he always wants it to lead to the bedroom, so its like if thats where it ALWAYS goes then Ive just stopped showing affection as much. I have depression and anxiety as well so those are huge mental and physical strains and Im so drained daily from my own mind
@@Bri-nc8yp I'm pretty sure a lot of my problems stem from my depression and anxiety. I've been thinking about therapy but we don't really have the money. I've heard of a low cost therapy app that you can do sessions on your phone, I'll try looking into that but it always sounds too good to be true
My partner just came back to the bathroom I was cleaning and told me the toddler knocked over the plant stand. That he was ok, but all the pots broke. So i finished cleaning the bathroom, came out to the kitxhen to dirt and broken ceramic everywhere, with the toddler still running around. I asked him why in the world he wouldn't clean up the mess and he asked me why the hell he should have to when they were my plants. The toddler had FREE ACCESS to the mess with SHARDS of ceramic everywhere, on top of it was his inability and lack of parenting responsibility that caused the mess. So now I'm here, being one of the weird, embarrassing people who over share online because I'm fed up. ETA: Thank you all so much for the responses. It helped more than you know. I'm so sorry so many of you know what this feels like or have loved someone who does. My heart goes out to you all a lot. Thank most of you for being so kind and understanding to me. Letting the baby be in harm's way was enough for things to be put in place for a change, but you all reminded I'm worth something too.
The reason why women are choosing to be single now days is because the man in the home is usually literally making her life harder than it would be if he weren't there. My ex used to quit a job whenever he felt like it and let me struggle to keep us afloat, wouldn't clean when I was at work, and wondered why I didn't want to jump his bones when I got home. Your man expressed all out resentment towards you with his comments and even towards your child by not making sure baby didn't get cut.
Sadly I find this is all about the parts of slavery our world is denying and not healing from. Some people treat others like slaves in a spectrum of unconscious and conscious ways and they harm themselves and everyone else they impact. So now I test people with questions to see which side they are on and if they are anti slavery they just think healthier ways. Part of my family profited from slavery and part of us fought them by working hard which builds healthier self-esteem too. Enslaving others makes them weaker, and more insecure because deep down they know they are being toxic. Denial doesn’t change reality, it just makes them confused about why everyone else is upset.
I so get it, I am so tired of doing all the chores and having no help doing chores or cleaning up. He doesn't know where basic shit is or where it goes. Has he even ever cleaned the bathroom , no never. And if he cleaned he won't clean properly. Laziest man I ever met..it's our demise.
Please, don't ever feel bad for over sharing. Your words will help more than someone eventually, I know by experience. In the lonelyness of the healing journey, the oversharing from strangers miles away, can be all the validation we can get throughout years and years of struggle. It has been like that for me many times. I am sorry that your partner is so disconnected and irresponsible. Maybe you should reciprocate him in the way that he is not doing any team work. Teal Swan talks with so much clarity about the feminine and masculine roles, and how when one doesn't play their role, the other shifts to take part of theirs, so it becomes a vicious circle. At least in my failed marriage was like this. If he is not feeling any protective instincts towards you, towards your wellbeing and comfort, things are bad. ❤️ Big hug.
I thought I had found the ONE we got engaged in Italy but soon realized that he was not emotionally present, I always felt like he had a second agenda, it was all about him and his desires...he was only present (for his own satisfaction) ...I was feeling so lonely even though we were together 💔
And it's so difficult to get it back once we get here. Once the engine's gone cold, it's tough to get it running again. So a guy will take this list, do one thing once, then get mad cuz it "doesn't work." But it takes patience. You gotta have the epiphany that says, "oh, I've been treating her like a thing that's supposed to respond in a set way when I want something instead of a person who needs to feel happy and loved to think sex sounds fun." If you have that epiphany, then you can give her the validation and affection she needs without immediately whipping your dick out for some reciprocity.
It's so sad that even the men that supposedly love us, still treat us like an object to get/take things from, instead of another human being with the same qualities as them.
What’s even more sad is that men will not hold hands, they will not slow dance with their partner, but then they immediately wanna have intercourse. They just don’t get it.
My libido has gone down drastically over the years, except I am neither a mother, nor is my boyfriend only giving me sexual attraction. He’s literally perfect. It’s just not as simple as “I need a break” or “it’s his fault”. I just don’t have libido, my boyfriend and I can cuddle, watch the movies, joke around all day, help each other work and study… but it has no effect on me just never being in the mood. I hate this mentality of blaming the man for his woman not wanting sex. We’re complex creatures, our hormones work very differently from men’s and sometimes just being on a poor diet can result in my whole entire personality and energy completely shifting. Obviously this video is talking about a particular case when the man is only giving his wife sexual attention, but it’s still not fair to the man in my opinion. Stuff that used to work all the time now doesn’t work all of a sudden, of course he’s confused.
I feel like lots of people don’t set firm boundaries in the beginning of their relationship so after honeymoon phase finished their partners assume things gonna work the way it was for the first couple of months and get confused when they are asked to changed their behaviour. Once boundaries were violated it is hard to trust people again, they might act and pretend for some time but then will seek opportunities to take advantaged of you other way around.
Maybe physical touch at home in the night can get him horny and he doesn't want to get horny without having sex and he his avoiding it. Maybe One can talk and share concern without intimate touching🤔
True even in dating, sadly. I'm in my 40s and usually date men between 40-65. Often after coming out of longterm relationships/ marriages, because that's just what you find in that age group. It's hard to avoid, even if you realize the pitfalls. They're absolutely starved for sex. But as soon as things progress to physical intimacy, I immediately realize why. They treat women like human sex dispensers. They don't pay attention to my reaction to stuff, they're grabby and forceful and it's obvious, that nothing but the need to relieve sexual tension is of any importance to them anymore. I don't feel, like they even see me as a person anymore at that point. Or that they're in any way interested in what I want or need to be satisfied. It's absolutely gross. Especially, if it's with someone, I genuinely had 'good chemistry' with until that point. It often seems to me, like they never actually got real 'feedback' from their former wives and having probably then had a mostly sexless marriage for years, they turned to porn and now think, that that is what turns women on in real life. Sighs. It's so depressing. I enjoy sex, including 'no strings attached' sex, but it's just so hard to find men my age, who don't absolutely suck in bed. And then they're shocked and dismayed, when I abruptly stop things. I have, at times, tried to explain things to men, but while they superficially 'agree', I've never had one actually significantly improve their behavior. It's like a switch turns in them, as soon as things get sexual and they're suddenly mindless, barely human sex zombies. On the bright side, I've actually never had a man ignore a clear 'no' from me or get physically violent in any way. So there's that. I just really wish, I could get through to them, because it just seems so incredibly sad, that otherwise decent, likeable men are doomed to a sexless life, because they're just so bad at connecting with and giving pleasure to a woman.
@raraavis7782 just wanted to say I read your whole comment and very much sympathize. I agree it's depressing. I know I have trauma around men I've dated using porn. It just guts me thinking that anyone "learns" about sex and female desire that way. I can feel very helpless about that. Let me know if you have any interest in chatting about this further!
I think what’s needs to be changed is women’s perspective. You’ve explained exactly what they are and still hope they’ll change. We need to SEE that this is what they are.
@@BG-ub5og literally nobody talked about perfection. The topic is the hope to not be treated like a soulless piece of meat. The bar is low, stop being pretentious about "perfection"
I stopped craving sex with my partner when he stopped to take my concerns seriously. It slowly build up over time. If you make me feel like a nag all the time, why would I want to be intimate? It's not even that I 'deprive' him on purpose, as a sort of revenge (I guess that's what a lot of guys think), it's my body that becomes tense.
I hate every time my husband hugs me or tries to kiss me because theres always the expectation of the bedroom... He literally never shows me affection unless he wants it. This video is so spot on it hurts
Yep. Same situation here. Only affectionate when he's in the mood. Dates? Random kisses/hugs? Sweet gestures? Flirting? Maybe hold my hand every now and then? Hug me when I'm sad? Out of the question. Many men don't realize that's what turns us on.
Most men do all these things because they actually want to give their wives a kiss sometimes and want to have a hug. What kind of men did you marry and why are you stayig with them?
Something that would really piss me off is when my now ex would randomly grope my breasts. Sometimes in public! It was so dehumanizing and disrespectful. Going straight for the goodies without any situational awareness treats your partner like a piece of meat.
Jesus fucking Christ, my partner does this to me. I play it off as no big deal when he does it, but I absolutely HATE it. It's like he's trying to subtly show I belong to him by humiliating me sexually. He's such a creep. I need out -_- But I'm so trauma bonded...help...
@@BlinkinFirefly I was with someone for a few years that was very emotionally immature. Communicating was difficult at times because he took offense so easily. Next time he tries to do this behavior please stop him and share with him that you don’t like it and he needs to stop. Let him know in a calm and collected way that it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he gets offended that’s a huge red flag. Stand your ground. Some women might like that behavior but if you express to your partner that is something you don’t like, he needs to be understanding and not continue doing it. I hope things improve or if you’re ready to leave to have the strength to walk away!! You don’t deserve that treatment.
@@BlinkinFireflyPlease get out of that relationship as fast as you can. If he is making you feel uncomfortable, that's the point where you end a relationship. You deserve better ❤
@BlinkinFirefly make a plan on how you can get out of that safely, whether that be sorting out finances, finding somewhere else to go, figuring out ways to keep yourself safe, or anything else that you deem important for your situation. Then leave. Understand that that abuse isn't love. There will likely be a point where you feel the need to check up on him, but understand that that isn't going to help you heal. take care of yourself and remind yourself you only need yourself. You are strong, loved, and worth fighting for. I wish you the best ❤
Me and my partner do that a lot to each others (in private), but we BOTH agreed to it, we have a safeword and never do it to the other when it's not emotionnally appropriate. If one wants a partner they can grope all the time, there's plenty of people out there who are ok with that. Some people need to learn that they can't force their preferences unto someone who doesn't want it. It's just disrespectful and disgusting.
As a wife who used to always "not be in the mood", all of these definitely made a huge difference for me in the intimate life and helped bring it back.
And honestly it's hard accepting affection when you feel pressure it has to lead to s3x. If the only time you touch or kiss me is when you want s3x just don't touch me at all.
I dont even think calling him out on all would make him out to be the bad guy, guys sometimes just don't realize us women function differently and tbh men sometimes think that doing the deed is something that connects them deeply to their wife (which it does) but they don't realize we also look to other stuff to feel loved and wanted (like he said, holding your wife, gently touching her without pressure of the bedroom) but also like he said its like shes depriving him if his wants, it just shows that men and women receive love differently and sometimes to get you have to give, thats what marriage is. Men often don't think that you not wanting the bedroom is because they make yiu feel unwanted, they think yiu don't want the bedroom because yiu don't want HIM, and thats just where talking about yiur feelungs is a have to.
"she's depriving me" literally made me feel sick to my stomach...it's so disheartening to know that's how men think about the woman they're supposed to love
this is actually very good advice and made me realize things about myself as a woman; I may not be in a relationship nor married for now, but if ever such a problem arises I'd know how to approach it, discuss it, and solve it!! you're doing such a great job thank you
Do men really treat their moms like this? I just assumed most guys DO platonically hug their moms and have convos with them like they're human beings, and stuff.
@@MoleculesAndMinecraftNo. Men do not treat their mom's like this in real life. Only in the fake world that exists inside the minds of the delusional.
she cant deprive you of something you arent entitled to. her body is hers first. sex is something that a couple engages in together because they both want to. not something that one owes the other. so gross
Is true that no-one is entitled to sex. But surely you can agree that it not realistic in a relationship to not have sex at all, and thus you can't really expect the other to just be okay with never having sex. That just won't work a relationship (bar a-sexual people of course). Now does that give someone the right to just 'take' it if it's not 'given'. No thats just rape. But suddenly not having sex with someone anymore and expecting everything else to stay the same is also no solution. At least the one withholding sex should start a conversation about it.
@@maxtelintelo6577 Agreed, but hugs, kisses, cuddles and a good emotional connection are just as important in a relationship, maybe even more than sex. If these things are lacking and there's just sex, can it be considered a relationship in the first place? Why would a woman want to have sex if the husband acts and thinks like the guy in the video? She'd feel like a prostitute rather than a wife and slowly lose interest in making love. You're right in saying they should talk about it and figure out why and what changed in the relationship, but if the husband still refuses not to use his wife as a free prostitute, even after she explained what the problem is, than she is right for not wanting to do it
@@maxtelintelo6577the point is 'you are not entitled to sex whenever your partner doesn't want to do it'. Trust me, if you're in a relationship with someone who actively desires sex (which you should've discussed on the first date btw), and they're happy and content in all/most other spheres of your relationship, they will want it. Also, you don't need to be asexual to not want to have sex? It's a ridiculous notion to believe that.
Well you formally is not entitled to nothing in relationships, so you cant be entitled to honesty, communication and emotional connection either. I think its not completely healthy and we shouldnt take "owing" in relationships too literally. I think we owe each other to make each others needs as our priorities, which does not obligate us to slave way for your partner, but to communicate our problems, needs, changes, everything that affect our desire to be there for your partner in any need (not just sexual) Like you can say men dont owe women emotional support thus if im stressed out with work and dont have a resource to be there for my gf i can just ignore her and brush her off with general excuses like "im not in the mood to spend time with you". Or i can notice my workload increased, im under more stress, i dont want to spend time with her anymore and communicate it myself like "Hey i noticed i dont want to engage with you emotionally lately and i took it as a problem and self reflected about the reasons, i believe its because work gives me too much stress this weeks, wanna figure out with me what we should do with this or are you ok for now?" Cause we cant expect our partners to just KNOW we feel stressed, neglected or anything changed about our feelings, desires and general mood. We need to address it first cause noone knows you better than yourself. So thats what i understand by "owing" things in relationship, its keeping dynamics with your partner in check
@@maxtelintelo6577 "withholding sex" is still not the most accurate, constructive, or respectful way to talk about it. it's far, _far_ too accusatory considering what's actually going on: if she doesn't _want to_ then she isn't _withholding_ anything, she's just choosing not to subject herself to non-consensual sex, which is pretty damn reasonable. i don't just have sex all the time that i hate out of obligation to someone else. you probably don't either! when you don't want sex, you don't have it, and that is _fine._ you're not supposed to do it unless you want to. _you are not supposed to feel obligated to give anyone your body when you aren't comfortable with it._ framing that as the problem, as "withholding," is missing the point completely. and how this fictional guy (and plenty of real, actual people) talk about it reveals _a lot_ about what they think of their partner. ppl should not be using language that conveys a sense of entitlement over their partner's body. it's fucked up. we can only hope that everyone like this goes to therapy
My SO will randomly ask me if he can kiss my forehead and he'll get so excited when i say yes and then give me a super gentle forehead kiss and it's absolutely adorable. One of the reasons i love him
I wish I had come across this years ago while in a previous relationship. I actually felt bad for not wanting to engage sexually anymore, and it was because of every single reason he explained here. Thank you for identifying and putting it into such accurate and relatable words! This can’t be emphasized enough ❤❤❤❤❤
@@Lloyd_Waterno, it's not. you cannot be deprived of something unless you believe it is something you are owed. nobody owes you access to their body, not even your wife. sex should never just be something your partner permits you to do to them, so it's not possible to deprive you of that unless that is the case in your relationship. sex should always be something you do together for mutual enjoyment, not some inherent right that they "take away" from you when they just aren't in the mood for it. it shows that you believe you're entitled to your partners body. nobody wants to be with someone like that.
@@AliceBunny05 it was a stupid thing to say depriving yes but divorce is a long process that nobody wins cause your gonna end up split custody with the kids which isnt good for them and it also will waste years of your life you spent dating the person then deciding to get married and for however long you were married all those years gone because he said one dumb sentence
@@Lloyd_Waterone dumb sentence that showed you exactly the type of person he is. The person who thinks that your body is owed to him and he should be allowed access whenever he feels like it. Divorce is a long process, but a miserable marriage is longer.
My partner says she looks forward to us having deep, intimate conversations even if they’re difficult because it generally leads to me being in the mood. Lol. And, she thinks she’s slick, but I can tell that sometimes she will take care of lingering chores/tasks at a break-neck pace just to free up my mind for /other/ activities. When I said I had a stomachache and wasn’t feeling it, her immediate response was to go through the fridge to make sure nothing was past its expiration and to make me a cup of soothing tea which solved the problem. When I’m too tired, she just tells me to feel free to wake her up if I wake up in the middle of the night feeling more rested and frisky, which I often take her up on. Removing barriers to the desire that’s already there is so much easier than entitled griping. We’re both eager to make each other’s lives more comfy, which has the happy benefit of clearing the way for intimacy. I’m very lucky.
it's too early for me to know but i think i found one like this... where we can compromise and communicate and no one feels entitled to sex.... it's nice as hell, i'm glad for you
@@jennaeisel9072 And then men will scream about how it's "not all men". Meanwhile, the millions and millions of stories that come out. It might not be all men, but it sure is the vast majority of them. And they don't seem to understand that or just don't care. And they always go off about "well tell us!" We do. We tell you all the time. They just don't listen, no matter how blunt. It's madening that they only listen when another man tells them. Which is just super sexist. I will NEVER get over a time when I was 16 and working part time at McDonald's. And older guy came up and asked for dircetions. I told him. He looked at me like I was speaking a whole different language. My male manager came up, told him THE SAME THING I did. To which he thanked him and said "I had no idea what that chick said." Men just refuse to listen to women.
Same!!! Watching this was like a wakeup call to me. The past few months I've been feeling guilty for not being more receptive to my current partner's advances/desires. But it's because I'm not being fulfilled emotionally, something I felt in my gut but honestly suppressed until now.
For those men who don’t understand the concept of mind and body. When a woman is feeling emotionally neglected or tired, she will not feel comfortable having sex with you and that is a right for anyone (male and female). If someone is doing it only out of punishment than that person will most definitely also do it in every other aspect of your relationship too and you will have a whole lot of more problems than just not getting sex.
I’m learning that my feelings were normal and okay. I’ve never felt non-sexual affection & I was accused of being a cold hearted prude when I got irritated at daily groping. I really was just a mother & a hole to him.
I'm really sorry. :( You don't deserve to be reduced to someone's sex partner when you love them, you should be treasured as a full human being with entirely non-sexual facets to you receiving love and care.
This os very true! My husband was just off for 3 months while he waited for his new job to start, we have been together for 15 years and these last few months have felt like the first few months all over. It really does make a huge difference when you just take the time to enjoy eachothers company again.
You have your answer right there. See how your husband reverted back to how he was when you started dating? That's because he doesn't have any other things to worry about, he's not stressed from working all day. Women like to complain their husbands don't spend more time with them but none of them ever thought that their husbands doesn't even have time for themselves.
@@dice1331As a dude, that’s not entirely an excuse. Nowadays most households have the man and woman both working full time. What you need is a hobby. Whether that’s a sport, gaming, etc. just something you enjoy in your alone time. Being busy and needing time to yourself doesn’t mean pretend you don’t have a spouse. It means you communicate that with them and then you SHOW them you actually love them instead of just sharing space. I may not be an expert, but you’re actively destroying your relationships by neglecting your partner and starving them of connection. If you’re going to act like you’re single, then why shouldn’t THEY be?
DEAR GODS, I still remember the day that it fully hit me like a punch in the chest that I couldn't JUST KISS or touch my ex's shoulder or hug him from behind his chair and nuzzle his face like I used to anymore, because somehow it had gotten to where ALL physical gestures of affection had to lead back to s3x in his mind, or else I wouldn't (shouldn't) be touching him that way! I couldn't just enjoy touch for its own sake with him anymore, no matter how BADLY I really wanted to, because his mind had shifted into that space without me realizing until it was too late. It was honestly horrible, cold, and so lonely.
If this behaviour persists in any future relationships, you need to start withholding sex. I did that when i started feeling like i was just an object to him that he can use for his sexual gratification, or that he just doesn't need to put effort into fulfilling my emotional needs, or because every single time we kissed or made out, it always *needed* to lead to sex or me getting him off. You need to gjve it a shot because it was an amazing decision, and very quickly you'll realise who is worth keeping around and who is not.
@@HomosapienNo94628 No, I really don't, because I'd rather just withhold ME. My time, my attention, myself in my entirety. I have no interest in making any relationship that only hurts me in some way "work."
I know it's been months but I wanted to give you some kudos for being open to his points. Keep on keeping the mind open, friend. (This dude's stuff is solid, he's worth finding guidance from.)
I resonate with this so much!! My partner and i recently had this conversation around intimacy touch versus arousal touch and how they are different things to me... We both talked about how when groping touches are disproportionate to non sexual touch it makes me feel a little objectified and since then we've had great experiences both in and outside the bedroom. We both see showing affection in different ways and he was so grateful i brought it up with him because he didnt know and saw both types of touch as the same thing! Its so wonderful having a partner that hears me and listens to me after a string of unhealthy relationships where these conversations couldn't happen without conflict.
All of these were missing. Plus when we did anything, he gave no foreplay but required it from me. Plus when it was "done" he just rolled over and went straight to sleep, leaving me feeling like a used object. He would ask me to do things he wanted but refused to let me even suggest anything I want or dont want. And he criticised me relentlessly over everything. No thanks. No praise. No positive anything. For 16 yrs. Yes, past tense. He finally pushed me away when he found someone younger he was interested in. 4 yrs later he is still single. And I am no longer interested in trying.
@@redleeks6253 well he was into me at one point. We were married for 15 yrs. But I started to wonder after year 5 and was pretty sure after year 10. But it wasn't until year 15 that I learned about his younger exploit. She was 15 and it had been going on for 3 yrs. He went to jail, I left. I still cannot believe how well he hid it for that long. How someone can do something like that I still don't understand.
Because men are always treated like the bad guy even if it isn't deserved. Men do not inherently have value. Our value is based on what we do not who we are.
The funny thing about men is that they do know how to do these things. Assuming they’re actually good at their jobs, they know how to intuitively do their tasks, they don’t need direction, they’re “leaders.” But act so fucking confused at home. It’s pure laziness and lack of priority. Meanwhile many women can do both. We have been able to work and think about dates and how to strengthen the relationship. The first step is to at bare minimum accept that fact. They don’t prioritize their families. Plain and simple. Just don’t act surprised when your partner is mad at you bc that’s probably the most offensive part. There have absolutely been times when my husband hasn’t prioritized the home. And he accepts that. And that self awareness and honesty is SOMETIMES all that we need at the moment.
I think one of the underlying causes for this is the rapid rate at which the world and the reasons for a relationship changed. One or two generations back this was a whole different story where it basically was like: Dad goes to work gets money, mom does housework and together they have babies and repeat. It was so clear what was expected from them. But while for women the base values by which you grew up were the same (with the addition of working/going to school) for the men, their entire value fell away. Now i don't necessarily think this change was bad, on the contrary. But how can you grow into a role thats not really defined in any way? And on top of that, how can you learn that from a generation that had a completely different value system?
@maxtelintelo6577 that’s a total load of bs. If you’re thinking about entering into a relationship for a “role” then you don’t belong in a relationship in 2023. It should be easier than ever bc there are no expected roles. You are only there bc you want to be there and want to be there with that person. Relationships have to be purely selfish bc there’s there’s nothing making you enter into one and nothing stopping you from leaving it.
"She's depriving me" is probably the clearest sign. Sex isn't something u are owed automatically and approaching it like that is the best way to make someone not feel valued.
Then why did you sleep with me after a couple of dates? She's changing the standards, which is hers to do, but to act like he's somehow missing something is ridiculous: she's changed the standards and hasn't communicated that, so he's confused.
You can't expect to be your partners only sexual outlet then just deny them constantly. Both parties should make themselves available regardless of if they're in the mood or not.
@@asdfbeau Because when you are dating, the dynamics are fundamentally different. You were probably nicer and tried harder and were more thoughtful, so really, YOU changed the standards first. Women are emotional creatures by nature, generally. She slept with you to form a deeper connection and express her love because you made her want to do that with your actions, words, etc. So if your behavior changed over time because you think you shouldn't have to try as hard to 'get sex' since you're married, your initial view of what sex for a woman is, is completely disconnected from how SHE views sex and what it means for her.
@@Mehmet_Fateh Yeah, agreed, but no one should feel obligated to sleep with their partner if that partner makes them feel like shit. I see plenty of men think that once you're married, sex is a given. However, they also behave differently when married and take the wife for granted and treat them with less respect and appreciation. $20 that wasn't how that guy acted when they were dating. In fact, I can almost guarantee that a man will stop trying as hard to express love and appreciation because for them it's as simple as "well, I married you, I'm not going after other women, so I clearly love you". Yeah, for women, it's not that simple. They end up thinking, "what happened that made my husband not treat me like when we were dating?" So basically, in my mind, dudes need to stop pretending or change their mindset around sex and love.
I have sexual trauma and have struggled with it with my current partner, but he is so loving and patient. He loves to just hold my hand or rub my back without expectation. Don't settle for a guy who can't do stuff like that.
That you are even willing to listen to this without trying to defend and ‘whatabout’ this type of behavior in relationships in the comments immediately makes you greater than the vast majority of men. I applaud your willingness to listen, think and potentially grow. The woman you have is lucky.
I'm really glad to hear a traditional male say this...and I'm also curious about whether all the women with whom you've had relationships have already told you these things, and if so, why you didn't feel the info was needed/appreciated then. I'm not being snarky, I'm really wondering...
A history of verbal abuse, menopause, lying… That’s pretty much turned me off to any kind of physical with my husband. Yes we’ve been to counseling, yes we’ve done all the things. No, I’m still not interested.
Yea ..with us women once the love is gone it’s usually gone forever. I bet you did what most of us women do which is the crying … begging for him to change.. sending long Phd text messages or letters of how you Need him to change and you feel neglected….I bet he didn’t heed your words.
@@cheezykrafts8134 I agree. It just struck me as odd that the person was asking that here especially after the poster already mentioned going for counseling. It didn't occur to me how asking would make things better. So I thought to ask why she was asking instead of just assuming anything.
Nope. There are billion people out there. And on top couples do talk about their needs and short things up... otherwise relationship counselor will be highest career option demanded in the market. As man i know all these, i know many of male friends and brothers knows these. Actually we don't need someone to tell/teach this. Just the level of compassion and emotional affection that we have for each other is enough. some people are just driven in their own world that they don't even care they have partner.
Maybe they should also actually say that they want this sort of stuff? Being spontanious is ofcourse good, but its also nice when a partner makes their wants and needs clear.
I once asked my husband "Sometimes can't you just hug me for me, not for what you can get?" He said, "It turns me on so why should I hug you if I can't get anything?" Yep. He's my ex for a reason.. or ten.
You don't understand. Men are biologically wired to procreate especially when there is physical touch. If you don't like that maybe try to date a woman. It's like buying a fiat punto and complaining it's not a tesla.
Had a partner get annoyed I didn't want to have sex after he "took me on a date AND watched a movie with me"... I said it was fun i had a great time I'm just tired it was a really long work week and I had been kinda sad lately... This had actually made me happy until the argument. "Ugh she had to feel 'special' before she can feel anything" Then he left me alone in bed and played video games.
@@e.9874 Well hold your applause because nah I'm still with him🤡 Seriously though I put my foot down and said I'm leaving if we can't figure this out and we went to therapy every week and then big weekly for a year and then 1x a month for another year. He seemed shocked I'd want to leave and did take it seriously and take responsibility for things he had said and done.
yes sister, as a man I believe women are clearly nothing more than inanimate objects specifically designed to endlessly fulfill my own needs with none other sort of physical attachment or at that spiritual, emotional, intellectual, psychological or any other way. Speaking seriously though I agree too many people are genuinely like this, also my apologies if you’re going through something related to this, emotional deprivation is one of the worst human pains.
“Touching her so she knows you value her for more than just her body” DAMN How long we gotta keep up THAT act- she got the ring, the house , the husband Come ON. Women want us to respect them as people , but then they act like people that are hard to respect: nagging, passive aggressive, needy, being loud , confusing confidence with entitlement or bitchiness they spend your money on silly bs they don’t need to impress people they hate and who don’t matter, they snoop pester us to change so many things that we had the whole time we’ve known them flirting with other men to cause jealousy, faking pregnancies, unnecessary drama and tears, insisting on being included on “ boys night” , throwing off the natural camaraderie that only comes with being alone with the guysAND How do you were acting poor because you don’t want to be around a sports bar or whatever comparing yourself to other girls, misconstruing things(such as getting jealous when I speak to colleagues are dropping hints, passive aggression, being able to insult in hitman without consequence, all right knowledge, and then it hurts our feelings and pride, expecting us to work, long hard hours to buy you things, and being very hard to please and satisfy when and that’s not given in return. I don’t have this bs in My relationship, but We’ve all observed it. ( and I’m a girl , and sick of seeing good guys I care about( friends, family, colleagues, neighbors) getting so much undeserved BS. -I can’t imagine being a guy with all they have to deal with and people will call me a “pick me” but I’m speaking the truth. I have a good man , and I honor him and myself with integrity, dignity, humor and honesty. It’s not that hard to be a good person , people. Have some standards , a level head, and try meeting your potential instead of your potential partner and you won’t have all these ridiculous drama, fueled relationships and wondering he doesn’t value you as a person.
What's wrong with you, guys? Do you think there's some others reasons why strong man needs a woman? Yes, please his sex needs. If this women is not interested, then, it's a time to find another one.
THIS. This shit is so annoying!! I'll be bending over putting dishes in the dishwasher or at the store and my husband will smack my ass with full force, or comes up to me and bounces my boobs randomly and then expects me to take it as a compliment. Listen, I'm happy and love that he loves my body, but it would be nice to also have him hug me from behind or kiss my neck. Anything indicating a love of me and not just my body. I've explained this so many times and he literally takes offense to it.
this shit actually pisses me off. i fully believe the majority of men DO NOT love their wives/girlfriends. idc how much they claim they do, if they do shit like this, they don’t. admittedly tho it’s very nice to see another man calling this out cause i pretty much only see it from women
Ya but then you look and find out this dude cheated on his wife and this is all thr info he gained from the therapy he probably went to. He also is a "stay at home dad" which means he cheated and she didn't divorce him and she's paying the bills. Eeeek
@@Opal5674he would be making decent money from social media though. But that’s crazy =( maybe he is trying to help other men not make the same mistake as he has and his wife has forgiven him.
@@Opal5674 So you're saying that he learned from a terrible mistake and is now sharing that knowledge so others will be able to avoid the same pitfall? Honey, that's called being a good person.
I believe this too. I've been repeatedly sickened by the way men have been treating women everywhere, online and in my real life. A vast majority don't see women as real people, just as possessions of themselves or other men, and what they can do for men. Disgusting.
@@j.c.2240Agreed. It was a terrible mistake he would hate for someone else to make. He's trying to provide men with the help and information he needed.
Well I imagine it feels pretty annoying when he puts his hands somewhere you don't want them and disappointing that he's not getting the message/doesn't seem to care, so I'd hardly say he's the suffering victim here.
honestly i struggle with this a lot. i’ve tried talking it out and he’s a great guy who has talked about “never wanting me to feel forced” but he also is the same person who expects sex every night. who won’t touch me without the intent of it leading to more, even if i had a long day at work or if i’m clearly tired or even if i’m sick or something. and anytime that happens where he doesn’t get it, he gets in such a mood. he withholds affection, barely engages in conversation, won’t look at me, etc. but again, he says he doesn’t want me to feel obligated and that i’m allowed to say no, his actions and behavior just say otherwise though :/ we’ve been together 5 years and i feel like he just assumes relationships are puppy love and sex 24/7 when that’s not the case.
I’m in a similar boat and trust me when he says he doesn’t want you to “feel forced” unofficially we can’t say no otherwise we are the bad guys who don’t understand men and their insatiable need to have sex to feel emotional connection.
You might be incompatible. If you're dreading already and do it simply to make him happy, or because he gets moody, he is manipulating you darling. You can't guilt trip your partner into sleeping with you 24/7, it's absurd at this point. He might be overly sexual, and be very careful because they always, always, slip away and cheat, because they always feel they don't get enough of it. And for you to say it doesn't matter if you're tired, or feeling sick, he's so inconsidereth of your needs and feelings. There's no shame, we've all been here and there, and had our bad experiences, but don't waste your life like that. Seek help, detach and see the bigger picture til it's not too late.
He might not want you to feel forced, but it sounds like that's what he's making you feel. If he can't realise that's on him, he's not worth your time imo. He might not be maliciously pressuring you, but if he doesn't take no for an answer (without throwing a childish fit over it) he's not valuing your needs over his own wants.
I was once in a similar situation for three years, it didn't get better, he didn't change because he "didn't see the wrong" "He wasn't forcing me" "Everyone does it all the time, why shouldn't we? " "I didn't understand him because I'm weird and maybe I have a problem" Etc etc,,, in the end I even needed to go to therapy, I didn't know how bad was his manipulation until I got out and wanted to have another relationship, I was traumatized and couldn't have intimacy without feeling sick to my stomach. Anyway, I'm only sharing my experience, hope yours isn't like that and everything gets better... But I can only tell you, having sex without being in the mood is not so far from unconcensual sex...
