Why so many Highly Sensitive People have Lone Wolf Syndrome 

The social constructs are funny in reality. They say being sensitive is considered weak when majority of society are weak because they can’t express their true feelings or even be authentic. There’s a level of big confidence in being able to be sensitive and authentic because it shows you aren’t weak and can express your truth. Pretty much all these constructs are in actuality backwards but nobody thinks to question them. Thanks to society’s old belief, “do as you’re told and don’t ask questions.” I love being able to point out the hypocrisy in old principles that people still believe and live by. Great content and I enjoyed your video. ❤

Excellent as always. Living off grid surrounded by animals with the nearest human 10 miles away is my dream.

All of this is absolutely true. What tends to frustrate me about this is how so many people can inflict this trauma onto people, but act like they did nothing wrong, or attempt to somehow justify why they did it, instead of acknowledging their actions and their lack of understanding and doing the work to be more aware of what they do. As for those of us who identify with “Lone Wolf Syndrome” not only are we left to heal from their inflictions, but we’re also left to somehow find ways to reconnect with a society that rejected us in the first place.

My experience as a lone wolf is I literally think I am crazy 😜 😂 for not being able to connect with people. But since I have found this trait, and you and the group I have found my people!

I'm not gay and not a man, but I've always been uncomfortable with forming close bonds with people. I limit how much of myself to share with others. However, on occasion I've found someone with whom I can open up to.

Outside of work i spend 98% of ny time alone...I must say it is a peaceful space a space to not having to deal with others emotional neediness, a space to be as odd and creative as desired without questioning, a place to not have to explain the who what when where whys and how's of my own peculiarities, an most of all solitude provides a peace from the constant stimulation of the world.... the down Aide us the more I've detached and gotten to know myself the less interested I am in people who aren't doing c the same and the places the in habit. And having to meet people where they are is like a tiring full time job. I keep space open for those who are in alignment but they are few and far and quite honestly I've grown to enjoy brief interactions weather uts moments weeks months or years. I used to thing this detachment was depression but now I realize it's been a steady ascension. Feels very much like the Charater from the movie "9"

I am a man in his 70s . I been sensitive all my life . I don't have much contact with my family . Or my wife . But when I am on my own walking my dog or just listen to music I feel great yes talk to other dog walk . It just gives me time to reflect on my life I am happy with who I am

Oh, my goodness; I am such a hermit monk. There are aspects of that which is healthy introversion, such as being okay or even happy to be alone. On the flip side, there are traits of unhealthy introversion, such as being afraid of rejection. Also on that flip side is the fear of others’ rough minds that is their aggression, hostility, anger, and straight up delusion. What really frightens me is others who are religious and/or racial supremacists. There can be reasons to be cautious.

I want deep connections I’m an open heart, but I realized I didn’t have healthy boundaries and got in bad situation’s. I want deep intimacy.

Anybody can reject me, but I don’t self abandon anymore

My childhood wound was growing up a head shorter than all of my peers. I also looked a lot younger than them as well. I'm a man and 5'7 now, so just below average height. But growing up I stuck out like a sore thumb wherever I was, and people would constantly mock or mention my height/looks, or instantly form a judgement of me without even knowing me. Girls acted like I didn't exist. As a result I was quite a shy person. I always had a few friends growing up but we grew apart after high school. I'm 28 now and have a long term relationship with the woman I'm going to marry. I didn't even start dating until I was 25 due to the fear of rejection. The thing about this fear, is that it's often unconscious. It may manifest as "I'm too busy for a relationship" or any other rationalization for not trying. Once I realized I was avoiding relationships due to my own fear of rejection, and decided to do it anyway, that's when things got better for me. I'm still a lone wolf in many aspects and don't have friends IRL. I've got a best friend online but that's not quite the same. I do hangout with my family a lot, so I do still have a social life, just not friends. I do recall being sensitive even in my friendships in highschool. My best friends would often hang out and do things without inviting me. This caused me to coil up. The only time we would really hang out is if I initiated. I stopped initiating things after HS and then all of my friendships died, so in the end I felt like they weren't that good of friends anyway. I've had a few close friends over the years but they tend to come and go and they are typically internet friends. My last good friend IRL who was also a childhood friend and lived down the road from me moved, and we slowly lost contact. It seems like friends are really all just circumstantial to me, and a matter of convenience. I think the reason for this is because the bonds have never been strong enough to go beyond convenience (ie: school, sports, neighbors, game communities). My philosophy is that friends come and go. I don't go out searching for them, but if a friendship forms then I will sustain it as long as it doesn't feel one sided. The thing is, 99% of my friendships have ultimately ended up feeling one-sided, so I stop reaching out to them, the friendship dies. In the absence of friends I've got many different hobbies that I quite enjoy, and that's usually enough for me. My girlfriend is my best friend, and I'm her's. Neither of us really have friends IRL. I do battle depression and anxiety sometimes, but it's gotten better with age. And you know what? I actually love most parts of my life, even my struggles.

The fact that a lone wolf is called traitor by its pack A lone child is called selfish, Moody or cruel hearted by many families

I am glad I found your channel. I am INTJ, Aspie, Muslim, and also have PTSD and MS. I have always been nerdy, stoic type of person since as long as I can remember. In a highly extroverted culture like Mexico, I have always been seen as the weird one, antisocial, or flint hearted. I embrace it as I don’t fake to be nice, nor I am agreeable just to fit the status quo, and I am not a womanizer nor think to be a true man is to be a sweet talker to many women.

Much of what you discussed in this post rang true with me- I have always felt like a Lone Wolf- not based upon fear of rejection so much as not fitting in with those around me- I never had a loarg group of friends- especially in H.S.- I found people who were like me- but I never wanted to belong to a particular group. I kept a lot of my feelings to myself. I have never felt shame or fearful about being Gay, or, having others know. I have always been "me".

I prefer to be alone. I don’t want to change it. Im happy this way.

Healthy connections, and there are many unhealthy people. You have to develop a connection within yourself. JUNG was Paramont, but you have to venture outside and not get restricted to this domain. But introspection is hugely important as it’s healthy boundaries, emotional intelligence, and getting down to the root of childhood wounds.

all my life I wondered why the thought of moving to the mountains and living like a hermit sounded so appealing for me and no one else I knew lol and then I realized I was HSP and suddenly it made a lot of sense 😅

I enjoy being by myself, though I go out and see my friends. Love your videos about us, hsp. Thank u Matt ❤

Thank you so much for sharing this and for sharing your story. As a sensitive, gay, lone wolf I feel very seen. I appreciate you

Thanks for talking about community and rejection matt. One thing i will say as an empath about rejection that helps me. You just gota embrace the mantra "people suck, but not all people suck equally" in my experience i have realized that if a person cannot accept you for who you are then theres something wrong with them not you and its better to get away from the people who are incapable of empathy, humility or love anyway. Sad because most people are like that.

Brilliant Matt

So Happy to have found you Matt, and this Group. I realised while listening to your talk .. that of course others do not know who I am authentically.. as I did have to 'fit in' while growing up... to survive. Much time has passed... and I am becoming more my authentic self.. and discovering and uncovering the lost parts.. and forgotten parts. Learning to embrace the power of being sensitive is such a gift... I can sense when to leave somewhere or not hang out with certain people.. and that is a great skill to have. Thank you for creating this content.

Happy to have stumbled upon your video! Love your explanation of this behavior.

I would like you to consider seeing the situation you’re talking about from a different angle. I would like you to consider seeing yourself at a point on a developmental sequence. I’ve experienced what you’ve experienced and can tell you that developmentally it’s necessary to be a lone Wolf as a highly sensitive person and as a gay man when you think you might be less than others. The time alone affords you, the space and the eventual insight to fully realize who you are, what you have to offer the world, and all of your gifts. Part of the reason I felt afraid of rejection was because I assumed that the world was the norm and it was the right way to be, and I was off from that. Once I truly saw my authentic self and came to terms and peace with who I am and really appreciated who I was, I came to see that the world is somewhat dysfunctional, and my normal is better. I no longer worry about being rejected by people. Now it’s more like I don’t care to be around most people because they don’t meet the standards of what’s important to me in my life. My perspective has changed with regards to what’s good and what’s not good. I’m good and a lot of what I see around me isn’t any longer. I’m not afraid of being rejected by people that aren’t good for me or don’t align with my truths. I come from a point of strength in relationships and that all came from being alone, finding myself and knowing what I want and seeking that out in other people. If I can’t find it, I’d rather stay alone until I can. The same scenario you talking about just a different perspective. Just something to think about from someone who is your elder :-) and has worked a long time to try to come out the other side and find happiness within myself and around me just being authentic.

Yo thank you so much for this video! Really helped me unpack a few things 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Incredibly informative video. I truly learned something about myself from watching this video. I had no idea what it was called😅👀🤦🏾‍♂️, but now I am so thankful for this video. ❤

Glad I've found you mate. I hate myself for being gay. I've spent years wearing a mask, and building walls around myself and rejecting everyone. I thought there was something wrong with me for to long, until now. You bring hope. Thankyou from here in Oz mate.👍🇦🇺😊

Sometimes for me the feeling is like i'm not understood by people because I'm too closed off or don't show my true authentic self.. but when I do, people misunderstand me and think I'm something else, lol. 😅

I enjoy being alone but I also enjoy be with introvert or extrovert people that are calm and kind, they recharge me with their positivity or their calm, they maybe motivates me when I see some of their thoughts or behaviors are healthy or beautiful. They are not always perfect but most of the time you can feel good with them, maybe when they are in bad moments their behavior is not bad. But there are this group of people where I feel different for how I am, they are friendly but sometimes I try to be someone else to be accepted and then I feel disconnected and I feel low of energy, when they are in a bad moment they can be passive aggressive or bad in general. And I see how they are unhealthy with themselves and try to make in the same way..I don't know.. I sometimes enjoy stay with them I think they are not bad person but they have this lifestyle and thoughs so different and be awful when they are in a bad situation..

I enjoyed hearing your thoughts on identifying with the lone wolf, and how it can relate to attachment trauma- interesting to think about. I do find the more secure I feel attachment-wise, the more comfortable I am in my lone wolf-mode. In my own lone wolf season presently, I find myself connecting with nature and animals in a deeper way. It can be a blessing to find connection outside of humans. I’ll get back to the pack soon enough, but the freedom of being a lone wolf is tough to resist.

Ohh Matt, this sounds sooo relatable to me......Bizarre to hear you struggled with rejection.....Because Why would anybody reject you....? But indeed I know it is the Fear of if,... that holds you back.....Same as I......But this is how the Lone Wolf is wired.....I WILL listen to more of all your content, because I feel like I finally found someone/something to relate to.....Hugzz from Hans

I am not a lone wolf, more like a lone ranger. I like to be alone, and I have 4-7 good friends, that I see just few times in the year. I didn't grow up in the USA, but for what I have seemed, kids tend to be very mean with others, with adults blessings too because they say, "they are kids, kids are like that", and i am "yes, ill manner kids are like that". Sounds to me that something not so bad like liking being alone, they make it worse. That's the trauma, not liking to be alone.

😮 i really can identify with this. ❤

I do relate to this . Thank you for describing me. The straight guy HSP that is.

OMG Your story sounds almost exactly like mine!

As a super empath and gay man, I create my safe space at home and don't allow anyone in, who may destroy that. I.onky have a handful of friends I tryst and knows me. I meet lots of people but I purposely don't allow them to be friends if I don't feel a genuine connect...I just don't like fake people cause my empathic self will know.

I think a lot of this applies to me. However I can't help think I'd have a different reaction to it in my 20s than in my 30s. Now that I'm 36, I feel I've lost a lot of my interest in connecting with others, and that has greatly blunted the social anxiety I used to have. I'm serious, I find the average person really obnoxious, so I'm very low effort in social situations, extending basic pleasantries that keep things flowing in a way that's not awkward, and my whole approach is to allow people to prove themselves to me before I engage in any deeper way. Before that happens, I have almost no genuine interest in their stupid opinions or any other aspect of their personal lives, even though I listen. So I'm really not sure how to fit into your prescription. For me it's about sifting through the hay to find the gems. I need to learn to find more hay to sift through, and put in that effort.

Great stuff, Matt!! Why is the fear of rejection so visceral and paralyzing? I find that the days or hours leading up to the possible rejection is a million times worse than the actual rejection moment and aftermath. Is there a way for HSPs to turn off or quiet that anticipation anxiety and just let it happen and process it afterward instead of using so much energy on 'what ifs'?

cool vid. the research stats i've seen say it's about 30% high sensitive, 40% medium and 30% low. the main sensitivity site has tests people can do. ps - my persona preference is snow leopard 😂

This is such a complex situation to discuss and diagnose. I am a personality type INFP(simply put sensitive, empathic feeler, who has strong values and is introverted) Im also a HSP. Also have PTSD too. The undoubtable question is are we born with our personality traits and HSP, or are they developed? Because many with identify this way also have trauma. And also did they become traumatized because they experienced something as a HSP? After doing my numerology chart, i became aware that i was seemingly born with my life path, my karmic lessons and my soul destiny. This was all based on my name alone.

I've just be learning about the Lone Wolf thing. Not sure if I'm one or not. This sounds like me except the gay part of this. I don't mean any disrespect.

I can totally relate to everything you say, wow! I wish I could overcome this feeling that my body is not good enough or that I need to work out excessively before I can even date or be intimate with another man. Maybe me being sexually abused as a young child didn't help! I'm not sure I could date anyone if they didn't understand my HSP Empath personality type. I swing like you from being alone in my flat not wanting or needing anyone, but then when I'm in a relationship I tend to be very untrusting and over needy. Most gay men don't understand hyper sensitivity as I have never dated anyone who was like me! I really struggle going out in social busy environments it kind of makes me ill. I dream about living in a countryside rual area away from everything!

I don’t consider it a lone wolf syndrome to consider form of Loneliness. But consider a sticking to own personal individuality and values. Remember the expectations of Others is not foundations in how we should live . Your mindset is your ship , you are the captain of own ship. Not all mindsets is created equal, whether your gay or Somebody else , people of all Kinds suffer from loneliness, Due to racial or color bias and prejudice views, the negative vibrations is there Loneliness is not picky , it Invades everyone in who comes in contact with loneliness. Just because you’re gay doesn’t mean your The only being outcast from Society. The problem with People is that so obsessed With insecurities comparison Issues. Loneliness is form of Stagnation of knowing the way out, so you become empty and Incomplete about yourself, allowing others to downplay You . A True loner wolf don’t Allow others to manipulate him. But stick to his personal Values. To cave into loneliness Due to the fact in how others reject you so a sign of not Controlling your own mindset You become a weak indecisive Man becoming a snare of vulnerable manipulation. Running your fuel on emotional empty validation from others expectations

I dont know where to start to be myself. I was stigmatized by school, teachers. Society. Beaten nearly killed twice to change, adapt. I fall because of a next injury from abuse. Doctors try to call it paranoid schizophrenia my fear and aniety from cptsd from culture and society. Your tought to only be able to express in the anger area of the mind. Always in the fear area. Build pathways and experiences in that area. Cant develop healthily. Its not aloud. Im free, but i get stimuli which is useless for a higly sensitive man. Whats in the world other than nature for us. Theres no people. There may be now. Now that we know. I think ill be just fine. But culture is toxic for us. For example. If a narcist put all the deffences down to heal. He couldnt in this toxic culture. It would tear him/her apart. That doesnt even make sense. Im just saying culture and in society, it isnt safe for us. Just being our true selves will make a difference. Does there need to be a revelution. For highly sensitive people like for blacks, or gays. Cause i dont like the way the world is. Has become. It causes me cptsd. Trauma. Im heard wired to my emotions, and because of abuse and toxic culture. I am numb, cant feel my emotions. Cause of brain trauma, cptsd, ptsd. Stigmatization that is still going on and will. Went through police brutality, herassment, perjury cause i was having a cptsd nervous break down, and no one to hear it. Cause doctors have tormented me. Thats my story anyways. Have developmental disorder to i think from childhood neglect. Being stigmatized as a child to guess is only way i know how to explain it, but somebody who knows about these things would have the words im looking for. Police are really destroying me. 8000 in lawyer fees i cant afford so far, 3000 in therapy that isnt working for the abuse by them. But what about disable people. Im sorry. If society and culture does change. Whats going to happen with them. Theres a reason were in touch with ourselves and empathic even. Its usless to us if we dont use it and non sensitives are doing a piss poor job when it comes to empathy and compassion. There not wired for it and seems like they dont like it even.

Hated life, unexpalinable out of no where night time hapiness (which every problem persists but doesn't hurt me) and the opoosite of it which is nothing makes your able to relaxand make you happy ,Social interactions are most fun yet you cant plan the unexpalinable momentums so its a gamble. Yeah If they asked me do you want to live like human again, I would say no. .

I am a straight male empath. I get along wayyyy better with women then i ever have with men. Its just one of those things where i absorb peoples emotions and intentions. 99.9% of men dont understand the need to unload all of those emotions dumped onto you. For the most part men are incapable of having a healthy emotions based conversation. Frankly its just bores me to death. I simply dont fit in anywhere so yeah ive been the lone wolf since day 1

I am a lone wolf but not for the same reasons you mentioned.

What about these people who are being cry babies, much of these sensitive men need to man up not supress theyre feelings

This is so great, you just described basically my whole life here, I am so glad to know that I am not alone, and that we are a unique kind to be proud of

Hi Matt, I have no problem with gay men. I'm bi-sexual. I'm mostly into women. Natural exists in gradients, however there are also black and white absolutes at the ends of the spectrum. You have to construct your own manual based on your own complex type. I'm also a highly sensitive person. Just try to be here to support your brothers.