Why When You Detach, They ATTACH!  

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By the time I detach I’ve already made the decision Peace out✌🏼👟

If I detach, the love is gone.

No need to play games. If I need to detach for you to attach, that means we aren't mutually into each other. I believe that kind of love, where we're both crazy for each other, is out there for me. No matter how much I feel for them, I'd say byebye.

For me if my man would act clingy and desperate i would never leave him i would try to spend more time with him idk why people are so bothered about this kind of thinggg it’s a blessing to have someone who never get tired of you

When I detach … it’s over. I’m done! Never looking back. We all were born to be wanted, loved, desired and appreciated. No one wants to be smothered . Mutual interest and equal effort , with a balance of space and time together .

When you step back, They blame you for abandonment.

People sometimes use the word needy for an excuse to NEGLECT their partner because of their selfish motives

People have gotten too used to toxic relationships and don't want to put effort into a healthy one. You don't want clingy, but then you cry that the bad guy doesn't care for you and cheated.

It doesn’t mean someone is needy or desperate if they’re opening up and being vulnerable. That’s part of a relationship!!!! If they walk away. Let them walk with love 👍☺️💛

I call it “push-pull”. that’s the way energy behaves in general. Once you learn how to master that switch on command, you can manifest anything.

Be confident yes, value yourself yes, you’re not needy! You have needs and if they can’t be met then bye!! Value you, drop the label of needy!!!!!! It’s needs!

Honestly it’s exhausting… If they detach when you attach, they’re not the one for you. Gain time

It all comes down to trauma. If we didn't feel loved by parents, we think "Who is going to love me if my parents didn't even love me" yet we crave that connection and love. Yet, we self-sabotage. It's once we can evolve and get past that when we have a chance to truly love and be loved.

One thing is for sure, if they love or want you, they will be with you and choose you. That's clean love, no games, no manipulation.

So basically, loving someone and wanting to be with them is a bad thing. When I love I love and once I detach I'm gone...simple as that

I hear the word clingy and needy being tossed around a lot. Not sure how to define those words. When you’re crazy nuts in love with somebody you just want to hang with them all the time. Of course you have your own life and things to do and accomplish but letting that other person know that their love cherished adored etc. I thought it was a good thing.

I needed to hear this. My wife of 13 years has asked me to live elsewhere for “space”. What’s funny is I’m a very confident man and initially this has made me exactly what you said. Clingy and desperate. I’ve given her the freedom and I can see little cracks in her now. I appreciate you and my 4 children appreciate more than you know.

Derp. I detach because I'm done, they attach because they're trying to sucker me in. 🤯

That is a 100% true when I detached from my ex he came back running and bagging but that only happened when I was really done I was not playing games

This explains why at times in my past when someone came on too strong, I ran.

This is true sometimes but can also be a form of emotional manipulation.

Thats cause only the a#@holes will play these games. A man who really loves wont let u detach from him. ❤️

You’re so right. I have strangers who have only heard my voice. Who get star struck by my energy. I have so many options rn. Men are begging for my time. It’s like wow. All my energy is on me and my passions. I also live in the present moment ❤❤❤ I feel free.

90 days of dating BEFORE SEX. If they don't stick around that long, they weren't going to anyway. IF YOU don't respect your most precious body, they won't respect it either! Also, while dating, tell them you need a girl's weekend and watch the reaction! Very telling.

You did it 🎉

When I detach, I depart for good.

People just want what they can’t have. I’ve seen it a lot. A man can be so into a woman that doesn’t seem to be giving him the time of day and as soon as she shows him any attention he is suddenly not AS interested in her. He’s still interested, but not obsessing over her. And then once he acts a little less interested she will start acting even more interested in him. It’s such a gross game really. It’s so refreshing to know people that don’t play these games. It’s pathetic and exhausting.

I promise this is soooo true. Works like magic every time

People actually confuse attentiveness as needy in my opinion...

Detaching permanently!

Consider me detached!!!

I gave space. So much space that he met someone else.

But you have people conflating healthy attachment with clinginess. Dismissive avoidants will see anxious preoccupied, fearful avoidant and secure attachments all as being clingy.

We all have that desperation for something we really crave and want but it’s not the desperation that is the problem it’s how you control it.

I didn't need him to leave me in order to choose him... and he is the "clingy" one. Why should I have to leave for him to choose me? (So he can go dibble dabble in the streets for a while longer) If he can't choose me when I'm there....I don't want him. I want a man who knows what he wants and gets it.

If I feel the need to detach from someone, I'm GONE FOR GOOD!

Been needy, clingy, crazy obsessed over one guy 😵‍💫. I know it was a turn off for him because it absolutely came from a place of my own trauma and looking to him to heal it. His life is uniquely identical to my own and I saw him as someone I don't have to be alone with. Someone who knows my struggles as he experienced it all. We both have a weird punk style of multi colored hair- his was a green mullet. We both have seriously disabled 8 year old daughter's and we are full time parents as our marriage failed. The other parent can't step up to go to one doctor's appointment or therapy. We both work in automotive. We both love nature and metal/ punk shows. We both have high values in our own sobriety with keeping the family safe and healthy. We both keep emotional balance between our responsibilities to others by being passionate. I did not fully know him. I just assumed from a conversation and seeing pictures of him with his green hair holding his daughter with a goofy smile. I got him $200 for groceries, been to his house three times without a date, and invited him to a concert all paid and I drive. When he bailed on the concert and told me to look elsewhere...I did. I relapsed to dating apps that night to someone with a disabled brother. An attractive mohawk guy from Boston living in Georgia. He loves punk + metal too. We met the day after the concert rejection to a nature trail and really hit it off. I am still with my Boston Mohawk guy after two years. The guy I was clingy too, he came around after a good month saying I might have been the best person for him. I told him that he is right that we should look elsewhere and I was infatuated over the wrong reasons and not for him as a person separate from his daughter.

That only works in the beginning. When the relationship gets comfortable and you begin to lay claim on more of their time, they distance away all over again.

Detached just drove us further apart and i loved him, but because I detached myself my love just grew colder for him,i get the feeling that he's manifesting me back because sometimes i just can't stop thinking about him even though I tried not to....

When I detach, I detach emotionally first and when that happens I don’t care no more. So, he can stay where he at. Good bye 👋

Thank you!!! You’ve explained this so well!

When I’ve made up my mind it’s final. In between a certain area it’s normal that push and pull mechanism. But have had situations like “I think you are expecting more” my final reply “then we have to stop seeing each other” en she was like no we can still hang out. No we can’t. That playing games level is a no go for me.

This reminds me I need to buy more shares of PetsMart

You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free

The modern woman's feelings are the leaves blowing in wind, changing direction with no end, a man can't build on a moving foundation, go it alone and skip the frustration.

Makes so much sense

Good advice.Thank you!

Thanx❤

I know so many that love attachment and are needy. They are with someone who is the same. They are happy. But for me I love freedom, like 3 months or less is fine. Although I know someone who loves freedom too, but he ignores alot and doesn'tkeep his word. But if I'm ignored over 6 months (which he has done) I walk away and don't say anything. Even though I expressed how I feel for him. But then he comes back. He has been doing this since 2019. And I told him that I will just see him as someone I know because I really don't understand what he wants. I have no hate or a negative feeling towards him. I just let it go. I never make anyone love me or want me. But why keep coming back if you don't want anything. I wonder really, but then I decide I shouldn't stress over it 😀

Therapists have not been able to explain this to me my whole life. Both sides can be confident and secure in their decision. I seriously owe you!

this just in: being interested = being thirsty or clingy. (kevin samuels voice) "you can't make this 💩 up!"

I like the word you said they feel they have permission to see u and choose you

This is solid information

Trueee but also when I finally detach, that means I’m fed up and that’s that 😂✌🏼 deuces

This explains my moms constant detachment from me. If I attach she rejects me, If I go no contact and heal, she reengages. 😢

Yeah I dated a Gjrl like this but I was never "clingy" like she perceived; I was bonding with her. When I withdrew she was literally said oh she had room to breath. I said you always did and never spoke to her again. I know she was waiting for me to show interest again but I guess I wasn't that interested without bonding time. It's like when someone goes on vacation and you're realize why everything is so much better at work.

Letting people figure out what they want while you are making yourself better on your own, and being genuinely nice about it, is attractive in all relationships. No one likes to deal with dead weight personalities.

Ya but this way I’ll never be in a relationship. I’ll detach and they will be back and stick around till I am attached and then eff off till I detach . Toxic cycle goes on and on

Arica 💎 Angelo.

That definitely depends on the person because for some people they need attachments for the relationship to work. Not everyone can detach. I know detachment works for me but for others it might not and make them even more frustrated.

Wise words 👍

Yes learn to balance not controlling

Wise advice

They come RUNNING back when I detach!!! 🖤

LOT'S OF LOVE #ARICA 💋♥️

Love this and it is so true! You are so beautiful. Thank you and sending you love ❤

My wife meets me at the door and insists that she get a strong hug and a long kiss , when I get home from Work, is it clingy mabie, but I wouldn't have it any other way, married 43 years , get over yourselves !

This just sums up everything. Very well explained. 🎉

Ah so thats what THAT was when my own bestie in her many non-verbal queues meant. Here I thought she wanted me so gone. Like im right here in her house after months of her saying she wished so bad that I was there where she was so she could talk and just... be besties but goes to her sister in laws place when she's frustrated. That was enough for me to learn lessons and I walked away. I'm choosing me from now on. I was never lonely. I have her to thank for teaching me what loneliness really is and feels like. Thanks bestie.

That’s why I always say I don’t need to be attached to no one or nothing because I am so amazing they need me.

Truth

Awesome

I love the way you explained it

In the sport of fishing, it's called "setting the hook." You let the fish run with the bait, then you lock the reel and jerk back on the line. The psychological version involves using fear of loss to bring out desperation.

Ugh thank you

Thank you, Arica. Makes much more sense!

Facts

Lol this guy I remember he said “I need to give him space” which I was just like “ok “and he said “nothing crazy just some breathing room” like you already have air to breathe hun

When I'm out,is finish,bye,bye

This is really good advice. Good explanation

True

Yeah….women…we don’t need you or want you…’bye and don’t let the door hit you…so I withdraw and act disinterested which makes her interested and then when she wants to spend time with me am I supposed to continue to act disinterested ‘cause while I wouldn’t be labeled clingy I would be labeled emotionally unavailable…which at that point I would be…glad my wife and I were both up front that we liked each other when we were dating and didn’t play any asinine games

But if you both like eachother equally, not just sexually but because of the person, it would flow naturally and equally. Balance and it's also about being compatible, different communication habits. Some people are very progressive and direct while others are the opposite, laid back and even vague.

So true!!! I love this!!

So very true,thank you for the reminder.

fully!

Partially true.. but what people have to understand is if someone is grieving or going through anticipatory grieving they need people. A good support team etc.. even in relationships your partner may change and cling on harder because they are hurting from something and need more of your support...and what do people do? Push away.. because of what she is saying and then realize later that person was simply hurting and needed that love..

Great advice❤

Thank you! ❤

After reading the comments I have to say, detaching in the terms she is speaking doesn’t mean neglect. I think what she is getting at is both parties remaining themselves staying on there purpose and choosing to be with who your with and it not being an obligation out of desperation but choice.

It's either that or they are playing games, which, it's usually the latter

Thank you for this.

Cancer Leo not weak or cry baby never caring very independent I will walk alone

Correct !!!

this sounds like the way a person needs to be with an avoidant partner. A person can be viewed as "needy" by the avoidant if there is a mismatch in attachment styles.

It’s pretty common. I used to date a guy, he was clingy, needy and was passive aggressive when i needed one day just to myself. He would say «sure, i wont bother you anymore» he started to repulse me, and my attraction for him went away. Months later we meet again, we spend time together but this time, he dont seem to care. I emidiatlty start to worry, i think more about him and so on. Then i recognise my behaviour, because that’s what it is. I spoke some truth to myself and i Only wanted him this time around because he was detached. I did not find his person to be attractive but The fact that he was detached wich goes back to my childhood. If he became clingy again, i would loose attraction in a second. It’s something to work on. I want a man who shows interest and dont have me questioning his motives, but at The same time have our own space. Like everything in life, balance is key 😊

Music is the sound that lives on. Every time it plays triggers of happy or madness. These are sound that needs attention when it comes to something unresolved.. No one need to be talked about onli creates light.

Im giving energy

profound 💯