Why You Can’t Afford to Avoid Hard Things 

I absolutely recommend “crappy childhood fairy” here on RU-vid! She talks about CPTSD and makes incredibly helpful videos for us .🥰

No one asked..🤫

Thanks dude

I wholeheartedly agree with John's advice to the sister of the 18 yr old with the 50 yr old boyfriend..I got the sense that she wasn't exactly expecting and prepared to receive this advice especially so early in the call. The sister may in addition to loving her sister n being genuinely concerned about her also have some codependency issues n some resentment and guilt around how she has handled the situation thus far. She mentions that she's only 18 so clearly the sister has made these decisions as a mere teen where in many states it would be illegal but yet in some ways she is treating the sister( if she is in fact using this as a reason to pull away from her sister bc it would be too painful to hear about etc. ) But she never actually said that. This is something John preemptively spoke about as people are often inclined to do. Remember she is your sister who you supposedly love and care about and has done nothing to personally hurt you she is not even a drug addict or someone irresponsibly bringing children into the world so let's keep it in perspective. What if she were dating a 30 yr old man or even 25 yr old man who you didn't think was good for her and had too many problems etc. Would you distance yourself then? We have to accept the choices that our loved ones make and love them through it and still be there for them. The fact that they are 5 hrs away I wonder did the sister n her husband move that distance from the family of origin or did the sister n the 50 yr old man. Sounds like they made a nice offer to the sister when she was a few years younger to come n live with them as did another sister but maybe it was too far away from a few others decent things in her life that were familiar to her like friends, school etc. Also yes she may have been looking for a physical way out of her childhood home with the chaos between the Mom n the stepdad but also likely looking for that father figure n live she didn't get from a male and the sister cannot provide that. They don't mention the biological father so I'm that's not a healthy situation either. You're going to worry about her anyway whether you see her or not so like he said lean in and enjoy other aspects of her life and other things to talk about. She already knows how you feel. Why beat a dead horse and further seperate the 2 of you. This is actually good practice for your relationship with your own daughter who will also not make all the choices you think she should and even some that you suspect may hurt her in some ways when she is an adult. Not easy but the alternative can be much worse.

I cant do anything somewhat important without overly critiquing myself and critiquing my critiques until i sprial out of control.

When I was a senior in college an older (probably mid-50’s) took a liking to me. He was married but kept pestering me during and after class. I was so creeped out! But then just a few years later,at 27, I met and married a man 17 years my senior. Still trying to figure out what I did that for🙄

​@@barbaras676 well that is still a large age gap but nothing like the first scenario and not just bc that one had a larger gap but you were far younger n less experienced.

Yes the whole thing is crazy. To some degree it should likely take into consideration the age of the older individual. A young woman or man who is 17 n a half seeing a young man who has recently turned 18 or maybe even soon to be 19.does not bother me nearly as much. Should they try to wait of course. Should be knowingly pursue a girl under 18, no but let's say they did not meet in school but rather a summer job and just became smitten and started as friends n it just escalated and she wanted to also. It's kind of normal and understandable and I would never want to see some young man's record besmirched for rest of life and put into the same category of a 30 yr old man and even worse a 50 yr old man. Same thing with a 17 yr old boy and an 18 or 19 yr old girl.

I say lower

I loved Johns advice about crying not being the goal. I'm a 57 yr old woman so raised a bit different than kids today but I also don't think it's healthy or will ever be accepted for men to cry too often over things that aren't really necessary to cry over. Yes you were a little harsh with your 3 yr old son that night n maybe at other times but he never said what he actually did and said. Maybe it was not really harsh in most people's view anyway. This guy definitely sounds like he is far too hard on himself. Many people would not even allow the 3 yr old to be dictating where the projector is set up n using it himself. Also did he recently turn 3 so he's a few days over 2 or is he very soon to be 4 n pretty coordinated and tech savvy beyond his years. How would he react if he was told no Mommy n Daddy are going to set it up but you can pick out the movie and your snack. Is he so used to doing whatever he wante that he would have a meltdown and Dad is afraid that would make him feel like a bad parent n or he would become more harsh n have more guilt. I'd recommend a parenting class or videos. I commend him apologizing to his son but just be careful what you are apologizing for n don't do it too often. He does still need to see you as an authority figure in the home not just a loving n fun playmate..

Many dont like yoga as its eastern religion

That's an excellent point too but have to be sure this doesn't further drive a wedge between her n the sister..so she has to really think this through and do everything on the other end to protect her sister here as well. Good point though

What in the hell does that even mean?

@@sinisterchin1592 I apologize that comprehension of the written English language is not your forte.

@@JA-re8giwhat does this have to do with the call?

​@@sinisterchin1592he's trying to sound smarter than he is while calling the caller a cuck.

Not even close! He’s helping millions of people with this show.

Empathy isn't your thing, is it??

You’re seeing it on the surface. This guy is trying to break generational dysfunction. And has to courage to tackle it

@@Tara_thatonegirl That is so true.

Beta

No need to tell strangers on the Internet what you are.