This video is so powerful and had such a massive impact on me, more than you'll ever know. It made me feel empowered and it also made me cry because of how this has resonated with so many of my relationship choices, most of them actually. Especially my most recent one that ended three weeks ago. It's been a huge step for me to be able to acknowledge what I allowed myself to tolerate because of fear of rejection and abandonment. I am going to take the time to respond to everything you said because this video is the epitome of truth and power, beyond belief. It deserves such a thoughtful response. 1. "Often, we are seeking a different truth than the truth that's happened. We're seeking a different reality than the one that is actually existing". I actually cannot believe I created this illusion that never existed. I wanted to believe a truth that was never going to be my truth but I was so consumed by this misperception of the reality. And was in complete denial because of the desire to be loved and wanted... I didn't want to accept that this guy didn't want to be with me. It was simply something I couldn't imagine or wanted him to feel. And you're so spot on about living in a world where you can no longer trust yourself. I lost complete control because of this illusion and denial. 2. Words can't even begin to describe how powerful your words were about when you talked about feeling like you are crazy because in fact, "you are going crazy" because you know that the situation is messed up because it's making you feel like s**t because the truth isn't real anymore. And your words of "when you live in that world, you have to separate and deny your feelings and your being". I love how how fired up you got because it really is so important to realise that this is what is actually going on, that you completly neglect your whole being... I became the worst version of myself with this casual sex partner because of actions like this. 3. You're right about how we will always remember ex partners. I think it is so important not to forget them, even if they gave us a negative experience because they all teach us something and make us realise who it is we want and don't want and like you said, they shape the idea of who we want in an ideal partner. Have so much respect for you for what you have been able to see in Kylie because of your past relationships. 4. Your point about not reaching out to someone we dated or humped (in my case) when the outcome of the relationship sucked (and it really, really did) has made me feel so empowered because it has been three weeks I have not been in contact with this guy since things ended. And although I have had urges to reach out, I never act on them because I know what acting on them will mean for me and my self worth. It has now got to a point I don't even check his social media activity anymore (not that I had him on Facebook or Instagram) but with ex partners I always used to stalk them to see if they had any new posts or followers and that would always be a trigger for me because it made me realise he was no longer there. But those actions don't benefit me, nor are they productive and so I am proud to say I have not checked any of his actions on social media. 5. "The part of you that needs someone to make you feel complete dies, and it will feel like apart of you is dying... and when that part of you dies, you give birth to an integrated, whole version of yourself... and when you didn't do the thing, you said I matter more than this f**king bulls**t". Probably the most powerful message of all in the whole video because you're right, I feel like apart of me is dying because I have decided to not be the woman who puts up with drama and bulls**t, for saying no to men hurting my feelings. But I have been this person for so long that it is hard to be the opposite, I have been so used to expecting to be treated badly and to attract men who are not good for me because I overvalue sex as opposed to valuing love more. Yes, it IS scary and it IS unfamiliar but I already I have hope that being the opposite will be my new familiar, a familiar to be proud of, not ashamed of. 6. "You're picking this partner from a space where if I don't have you I'm not complete". Yep, totally resonates with me. I let this guy define my whole being, my every part of me. Every mood and every action was defined by him... because I couldn't bare the thought of being alone. I thought being in a sh**ty relationship was better than being in no relationship at all. How messed up is that?! 7. I love how you preach about not needing someone to feel complete. This message is so important because we need to understand that how we feel about ourselves is always up to US, not someone else. And thank you for clarifying the difference between 'need' and 'depend' because there is a huge difference. You're right, we are all allowed to need and depend on people. But not depending on people for how we feel about ourselves. Love how you put an accent on here haha 8. "Is choosing them choosing me?" Again, so powerful and has made me realise that I have constantly put men's needs above my own because of people pleasing, fear of being lonely, fear of rejection and fear of abandonment...so true about losing when you have to pretend to be someone that you're not to please someone else. And so true that it's messed up that in order to not get rejected or abandoned, we end up rejecting and abandoning ourselves. It's crazy to think we do this to ourselves in order to get these people! 9. "You will not f**k with me in these ways anymore" HELL YES! "I don't need to be anybody to fit in with you, my people will line up around me". I actually talk about this in one of my blog posts. I imagine my circle of amazing people, my tribe, and this guy is walking along trying to get into my circle but he cannot get in because the magnetic field of love and respect of the circle stops him from getting in. He is barred. Because he doesn't fit in with my values. He isn't worthy of being in my tribe. 10. "What shifts is that we now make the world respond to us" love this! 11. "We are so much conditioned to say I'm going to shift who I am in order to fit in with this person. If you want/don't want a relationship, I might want one but I'll just sell my own arse out because you don't want one so I don't want one either, but truthfully, you do...when you sell out what you want - your integrity, your values in order to do anything, YOU LOSE. You have to detach from yourself, from your being, and that SUCKS, A LOT... and it's painful". This has probably hit home the most and made me cry, because it made me realise how much I have people pleased these men to satisfy their needs which resulted in me neglecting my own... the amount of nights out I cancelled with friends to see this guy, the amount of times I dropped everything for this guy, the amount of times I didn't go into work because of this guy (Heck! He isn't going to pay my bills!). And so many times I convinced myself I didn't want more because he didn't want more so I thought if that was the case then I should settle for what he wants, even though deep down that was never what I wanted. I did so much for this person to get him to love me and want me and that if I did 'x' amount then he would realise what's he's missing and choose me. You should never have to force someone to love you and feel like it is hard for them to love you. Makes me so sad I have been this person for so long... 12. "We sell out what our values are in order to do things, in order to be loved, in order to have a fleeting feeling and it NEVER lasts". I can't even recall the countless amount of times I have sold myself out for men in the form of sex mostly because I put such a premium on sex. I know it's okay that I enjoy it but I have always used it as a reason to stay with men who are bad for me, just because I like a big d**k and think a good bang is worth sticking around in a shitty relationship. 13. I have thought about many ways in which I have abandoned myself physically and emotionally and it has never been worth it because of the worthlessness I feel after. I remember this one time I dressed up in a sexy dress and lingerie and filmed a dance video for this guy in order to make him realise how stunning I am, that I am worthy because I am sexy by giving him sex. Why the hell did I allow someone to have so much power over my own self worth?? Because I don't have the confidence and belief to realise that I am enough and that I only need me to to realise how stunning and worthy I am. 14. Your last point was extremely powerful where you talk about what lasts is staying true to yourself and putting out the energy that you actually want to receive back, to be that person so you become so in love with, that you will attract someone who will fall in love with you too. As my best friend always says "Your vibe attracts your tribe". I know this comment is very lengthy and I hope you don't mind but I just wanted to acknowledge your video because it was so powerful and it resonated with me so much. Not just that, but it's way too common now that so many people throw away their self worth to please others, and it's messages like these that people need to hear to realise how unhealthy, unsafe and how self sabotaging it is to neglect yourself for anyone, let alone someone who feeds you nothing but bulls**t. It's time to stand up for ourselves and say no to the drama, no to the bullsh**t, no to the crappy, painful feelings we have because of toxic people, people who make us become the worst version of ourselves. Don't become a version of yourself that you dislike. Remember, throwing your self worth and values away for someone who could care less about your amazing being gives THEM the power. Don't let them claim that power, they don't deserve to be entitled to such a force. YOU have the power. Say yes to YOU, NOW.
This deserves way more views. Been listening to your podcasts religiously over the past couple of months and they have helped me so much with my grieving and getting over heartbreak process. still not completely healed, but it’s getting better. Thank you Mark💜
6:15 - "in order to not get rejected and abandoned we reject and abandon ourselves" wow that really hit me!!! That is so true and messed up! This video is incredible! Thank you Mark! I've just shared this with my friends!
Can you please do more videos about post-breakup stages/feelings, particularly after coming out of longterm relationships? Thank you so much for your words
Dude, I've only known of you since yesterday and in the last 24 hours have become a permanent part of my life through your body of work. You are badass and wise. Thank you for sharing your gift with the rest of us! God bless you!
made so much sense shinning light on how we neglect ourselves for the approval of others...in constant search yet still wanting more. Yet we dont realize its because we have abandoned ourselves in search for the approval outside of ourselves when it was always within. literally broke down the insecurities within all of us....KEEP DOING YOU MARK. Your shit is great. TOP 10
You have a way of getting your message through to me that no-one else does. I love your passion and your enthusiasm and just how you articulate things! Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you!!
TY for this amazing and POWERFUL video! God I needed to hear it!! I have abandoned myself for too long without even realizing it. I realized I’m an empath which made it even easier while also being preyed on by narcissists. This is a huge lesson to learn. I’m 57 and finally getting it. FUCK!! 😆 I’m finally stepping into my Power and putting up boundaries!! It’s so empowering!! I will choose myself FIRST now!! Mark your videos have helped me so much. Your such a blessing!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! ❤️🙏🏻💪🏻
I am SO glad I stumbled upon this randomly. This message helped me tremendously in a highly triggering moment. Thank you Mark. You are doing amazing work. ✨💕🙌🙏 I am choosing myself. 🥰🙋🏻🦋
This video was very helpful for me recognizing that shift. It is very uncomfortable right now. I'm trying to learn to feel comfortable in this new space. Feeling scared that I can so easily fall back into old self-defeating habits. Thanks for posting this very insightful video.
I'm so grateful for you. The truth you speak, and the way you put things into perspective is so needed and much appreciated! This is exactly how I feel and how my relationship has been for 10 years. Wow!
I don’t think I needed to experience lies and cheating to know that’s what I didn’t want...silly me 🤦🏻♀️ I reeeally think I could have done without that 🥴
Marriage ended after 15 years and 2 kids. He left for my good friend because she's a 'better fit' Why do I still want him back? I miss our family, even though he's been emotionally gone for years. He's in love with her weeks after leaving us and no looking back. I'm over here picking up the pieces of myself and my kids. I have no problem working on myself, owning my part, and healing. BUT he's gone. It hurts horribly.
This is so amazing and powerfull.! How can you describe so well what the reality is !!! I am so glad I found you and the messages you share and discovered. You simply help me to unfold and understand the mess and pain I am going through right now. Thank you!
I love your videos. They are helping me to understand myself. They are actually helping me get through something extremely difficult in my life right now. Just want to say thank you.
Thank you your wisdom truly heals me. 🙏 This video resonates so much . Healing is a life journey I’m sure. I’m getting over heart break but I’m thankful for him because he brought up all the shadow work that I probably wasn’t ready to face until now. I choose myself now and even though it’s scary and unfamiliar I know the reward is great because there never has been growth with no pain in my experience And I’m embracing this solo time
Love this. I resonate so much with your message. Such an impact and so true. Your speaking voice is amazing as well. Just awesomeness you are. Thank you for sharing.
2020 and we're still here! Thanks for the work you do Mark- love your podcasts and listen regularly, but this video was exactly what I needed to watch today.
I am soooo happy I found you on IG and now on YT. In listening to you- I’ve learned so much about myself, what I need to work on- and truths about relationships and vulnerability. Thank you for sharing your gift ❤️
This is amazing and so true. I needed to swear listening to it too because you are so right. Even in this increasingly virtual world I think we become connected to things serendipitously and I’m happy to have found you via janne Robinson, you are both so wonderful.
What if the partner was a good person and I was the one that didn't have good boundaries and I self sabatoged, I feel bad for not having better communication and i really would want to reach out yet I don't know what to say? Is it best to just let it go and learn from mistakes, especially if he has never reached out to me???
