116. Time And Space 

You know you've made some progress when you realize you've stopped counting the days of no contact.

8 weeks and I still cried today when I got into the car after work... but oh well, getting dumped after 7 years isnt nothing. I was at the stage were I was ready to marry her...

Yep. I was too focused on her and the relationship and neglected myself.

We missed you Rory! Time and space showed us that :)

when you stop gaging how long it's been since they contact you you are making progress-when you wake up without them being first in your mind-you are making progress-time may heal but it is what you do with that time-its easy to remain in a state of hurt-you need to challenge yourself and keep focus on you and keep moving -do what ever enhances your life-silence is golden-doing nothing speaks volumes and it will be empowering when weeks go by then months and you recognize you didn't contact them-its liberating-be strong!

No...i wasn't going from lovers to friend zone. No frikkin way. I've always worked on myself and I wasn't needy. I simply loved this man and he couldn't handle it. His loss. He had no emotional courage or maturity.

Of course I get an ad before this video for Olive Garden... where my ex works. It's like RU-vid knows... 🤨

Although my anxiety over my loss is dwindling, these videos serve as a gentle reminder that I'm doing the right thing. And for that, I thank you :)

The more time passes the more I can feel this. Self awareness is a great tool that is more effective when your single and have time to focus on you. All the things that we’ve been neglecting internally, their worth having a look into!

Welcome back Rory! Looking foward to our coaching this weekend! And we need that book out already lol

Your lessons are timeless Rory. I'm in a relationship and am going thru some trouble as she's in another state, and I'm being overbearing by wanting to know occasionally throughout the day if she's safe and ok. She wants space and to not have to update me, so I'm trying to backtrack and came right to your vids when I was flustered, and your perspective helps even still today. Thank you

Welcome back, Coach Rory! So grateful for this and all your videos! Thank you always. I'm excited and looking forward to all your videos but especially those on how to focus on ourselves. I appreciate your help more than you'll ever know. You help us all become better people & better partners. ❤🙏🏻

Rory you truly helped me thru a break up and everyone else here on this site, Your words have helped me get my shot together,the mistakes I made etc. You are a blessing to all of us here,you take the time to help all of us and it's very much appreciated. Thank you so much Rory.🎸🎶

You are the most sensible love coach that I’ve heard.

I really love the depth and sound of your voice. Perfect for storytelling

Rory - this is a great topic with intelligent advice! What a great clear message you send.

Your suggestions work as a hit home for me, it completely changed my life and thoughts about my ex, thanks a lot

I LOVE this! Damn, you are on fire. Speaking the truth.

Love this!! Thanks Rory!

This is exactly the content I was looking for Thanks

On top of all of your talents and skills, you're a mind reader too!🧙‍♂️ Great thinking! We need more videos on doing the work! Focusing on building an incredible life based on us not on ex's that might come back or not! As a behavioural analyst, you're in a unique position to create outstanding content! Keep them coming Rory! Much love💖❤💖

4 yr relationship and 2 months since breakup and a week of NC, she moved to another country and reached out before she left. Been working on myself to become a better person for myself and if life brings our paths together once more I hope to be better for her if she’d like to give it another try. For now I’m focusing on my self, gym, nutrition, work, friends, and spirituality! the pain is still there but I’ll get through it, we all will :)

Hello Rory...welcome back, I need a vacation too. Heading to the gym.

Awesome message sir!

oh hell yeah rory's back! glad you had a vacation.

Your vids have really helped me get through my own heartbreak man. I'm glad I'm doing NC. I'm realizing how i was treated and how it was absolutely unacceptable. Dem boundaries tho...

I missed listening to you rory!😊it's been a long time. Thank you.

Very important thanks Rory. I gave too much of me. I know that now. I hope he can give it another chance.

Another brilliant video. Spot on with the topic covered. A year on since my break up and working on myself, I've met someone who is a better match for me and will be using the principles of time and space. 👍

Wow, Coach you are awesome..Really great , clear advises

RORY!!! Another great one!!! Welcome back Sir!!

Another great video Rory. 👍

Nice topic man!!👍

Time and space really is the key....you have to invest in yourself and they only way you can do that is to create space and come together at the appropriate time...when we broke up it became easier by the day and we ended up coming back together after 2 months of no contact and she he me up with the indirect-direct method lol

Rory you fucking rock!!! You and Corey Wayne have got me super motivated !

I can't wait for the self love topic

Hi Rory, I'm super excited for this new direction your channel is taking. It shows how in tune you are with the process and journey many of your viewer, like me, are taking. Thank you

Great video, I did everything wrong with my ex as I realise with most videos, but eh it was my first real relationship and my first long relationship (one and a half year) better now than later

It's good to see you back. Speaking of time and space, what's up with people who pretty much drag and rush you into a relationship, are all lovy dovy at the beginning, wating you to commit. And once you are commited, they start becoming distant and emotionally unavaible. That's more or less what happened with my ex. She wanted me to commit and rush things, scolded me for not doing so. And once I was commited, she started pulling away, not wanting to take the next steps and leaving me alone when I seeked her support. I'm aware that feelings and people can change, the honeymoon period wears off, attraction gets lost, I made misstakes and so on. But it just feels... odd. I'm overall on a good way, I accepted the break up and wornk on moving forward, but I really have some trust issues and a deep sense of betrayal and being thrown away due to this behaviour of my ex.

This video is a reminder that things will be alright in NC. She has pulled back and have not heard from her over a week. I'm no longer freaking out bc I am focusing on myself. It gets easier by the day. Thanx Rory

Welcome back!

amazing video, I would like to see more content about effective communication or about empathy

This video was coming into my suggestions from long time but I ignored because of the thumbnail I thought this is about space like mars, Jupiter etc. Lol but finally I watched and it's amazing 😍👌

Welcome back Rory! This is a great video and hope you get well soon. Could you also do a video on how to be kind to yourself? Also how to transition from being angry at your ex to being compassionate and kind, without breaking no contact? Thanks so much for for this great video again!

6 months..still nothing..worked so hard but he obviously doesn’t care F*** I miss him

Love the videos rory great stuff..... your voice does remind me of brian the dog from family guy

Crazy when you have bizarre dreams about them still being in your life In the weirdest bizarre ways that are extremely intricate to your personal life and history…….all to wake up and realize “it was all a dream”…. The human brain is wild and takes advantage of your imagination and emotions. They are a severe pot head so I know they aren’t dreaming about me @ all💀. Pot kills the brain’s ability to dream and rem sleep. I always miss and find clarity with people through dreams and make peace with them.

I would like to have a video on when your ex moved on and is living with a new girlfriend . When they broke up with you they did not tell you themselves it was over and that they no longer wanted you .

Do not take your Ex back. Once they leave it will not be the same.

Is it normal to feel that you don’t want to be in a relationship or date at the moment even thought it’s been 6 months or more after the breakup? The feeling at the moment is that relationships need work and you don’t want to put in that effort now but want to be alone and work on other things like career, money, body and emotions bearing in mind that the last few months have been hell.

Another good video buddy. I've taken my power back and you've been a huge help in that. It's nice to not have to spread myself so thin to please someone else. I used to give myself to her and get not much back. So as an analogy, she always had 150 on her "power bar" and I was left with 50. She had all of hers and half of mine. I finally have my 100% back to myself and itll take alot for me to give anyone any of mine. It feels good give myself that extra 50 that I was giving away over those years. I learned that I deserve it. You have been very helpful and instrumental in that. Thanks for your efforts and insight Rory!

That’s what he said when he left me 2 months ago that he felt tired suffocated etc. But I think he is talking w someone else. I want to reattract him so he can look for me.

Yassssssss I love this video ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Its been over a year of no contact and she still pops into my mind every day, however now I am emotionally unneffected and indifferent by the thought of her

YESSSSSSSSS

Haven't heard from her since she left in October I'm still in no contact but I honestly believe she cheated on me from her actions before we split

Thank you Rory, you’re very articulate and your sincerity really shines through your words. And question: I deleted my ex on most social media because it was unhealthy for me...but once I’ve gotten past this break up is it okay to add him back? I don’t have any hateful feelings and I’m not sure if I want him anymore but I also don’t want to seem like I’m entirely closed off from him either.

I work with my ex and because I set boundaries and WON'T allow him to discuss our past relationship, personal business, and I make myself scarce, he uses work related issues to engage in discussions. He comes to me. We're both supervisors so I can't just simply ignore him. There are times when I curve him cuz I don't want him to think we're cool. He's called a couple of times after working hours but I don't answer or call back. I want to give him plenty of space. After all, he dumped me for his ex so I just want him to pretend I don't exist

Yes.

I havent spoken to my ex in two years. I dont call or text him but I dont a day without thinking about him. For the past few days, his friend suggestion appear on job's facebook account. His friends and family appear on friend suggestion as well all on my job's facebook accoubt. I dont know how. Everyone lives around the world.

Does no contact only truly work depending on how emotionally connected she was with you ?

It’s been two months after my breakup and my ex girlfriend has gone from cold and distant to very friendly and wanting the best for me? Does this mean anything?

I still miss Julian, but am going to be ok

I reset no contact for a quick convo she had with me told me that she was happy so I believe she’s still in the relief/elation stage but she did say she was thinking what if I just showed up in his bed and told me she wanted to come over after this space and she said we can talk about this after she comes back but the day after I texted her because one of our mutual friends needed her but he didn’t wanna bother even tho he was about to hurt himself really bad so I asked one of our other friends to tell her for him but she was mad cause I checked her location (we both have each other’s location) and knew where she was so she turned it off and I just told her like I wasn’t trying to stalk her or anything but this kid really needs you right now and she was just being so rude and it was way different from yesterday

Is it a good idea to block my ex gf from social media since i keep spying on her profiles and idk is it easier to forget about her and keep no contact in that way ?

Hi Rory, welcome back! I MISS YOU. I love ALL of your videos. 37 days not contact more or less LOL... feeling better. I was depressed the first 30 days, after day 31 I started going to the Gym and working on self grow. Sometimes I miss him and I still love him, but now I’m focusing on my own goals and dreams. I have a question. My relationship lasted 1 year and 3 months. Most of the time was good and we were good to each other, but after 6 months into my relationship I become very dependent on him. And my identity was lost. How can I prevent that from happening in futures relationships? I’m very independent woman when I’m single. Why did I become so dependent on him? Why my identity was lost? Why did I adopt his goals and dreams as my own and I forget about working on my own dreams? That was the reason he broke up with me. He told me he loved me but he didn’t see me improve my life on the time we were together and actually I was getting worse. I stopped going to the Gym , hanging out with my friend, I neglected my own business to the point that I almost became homeless. He help me financially many times and also motivated me to go back to the Gym but he told me he was tired of being more like a dad to me, a psychologist, and he didn’t want to tell me all the time what to do or not. That he didn’t learn anything from me.That he didn’t understand why I would not do the things to better myself when I saw him grinding and he talked to me about self improvement, shared books, potcast...

@TheLoveChat I have a question I decided to accept the friendship but I reached out to my ex she didnt respond do I still have a chance if I leave her alone and stay in no contact ?

If after 10 days of break and no contact she told one of my Instagram friends that she felt like she took the right decision to break up this relationship should I take it seriously and move on or I should give some time and space ?

Hi Rory, how much time and space is valid when an ex left to go overseas for work and has no definite plans to come back??? But he is in contact with his friends, just not with me

It’s been 9 months fir me that he has not reached out. I still love and miss him.

I was so close to messaging her today. Yesterday was the first day in 2 years that neither of us made contact, either through a parent or friend or via messaging. It feels weird, it feels wrong, it feels like i should at least say how was work last night? Im saying this because we both agreed not to cut off all contact and that it wouldnt be beneficial for either of us to do so

Hi Rory. My ex just reach out last weekend after more than 3 months of NC. We broke up because he said he doesnt know if he was ready to commit. He was offering me to be friends before and during my confused stage i said to give me space and i might be able to be friends with him. But now i dont want to be friends. He reached out but is not clear of what he wants. We casually chat 3 days ago but nothing was mentioned about how he feels and what he wants. I dont get why he'd reach out and after 3 months and still unsure of what he wants! Does he like me? Or just afraid to loose a good option? Its really confusing. Btw, I really like your videos. I was able to focus on myself and keep myself busy and now i feel a lot better and in control, still hurt but is thinking more rationally, and on my rational state im not even sure if he is worth waiting.

Sorry Rory I meant working on my BcaBa that’s a bachelor’s degree not a BCBA which is a master’s degree

There is one thing I wonder now that I'm back at myself and having a crush with two dates with her. Often she tells me how much of an unhealthy partner she used to be with her exes and about her sex life and telling me that this is better now. I don't know how to react as I'm unsure of the message she wants to get through. So I either change the subject or humorously acknowledge the remark. But this is a matter that gets me thinking

Got a question. My wife and i have been separated for nine months this month. She told me she wanted a divorce back in august but i have not seen one paper. A few months ago i went and got papers to start the divorce but i couldnt go through with it, so i put them in a stack of papers and left them. Well my wife found them two days ago while she was getting the rest of her stuff out because i told her i was moving and she needed to come by to grab them after she got her stuff the next day she texted me and said she couldnt find her car stuff and if i found them to please bring them by and that i can also bring the divorce papers by so she can sign them to. I felt like she wanted a reaction. Should i explain the situation or just let her think what she wants.. Sorry for the long post

feel so down............

I hv texted my ex after one month of breakup.. She broken up with me one month ago and I got yelled that time and today I texted her after month to say that I only love u.. I can't b ur friend..

Could you do a video on attachment styles - specifically whether someone can switch between them during the course of a relationship ? Although I'm not looking to re-attract my ex wife, I feel she showed signs of both styles at different points & wondered if that was usual, or even possible.

30+ days in to NC and out of nowhere feeling the urge to contact him. We've been broken up for a couple days shy of four months now. Any advice? I'm working on myself.

What if it was a long distance relationship of 3 months but have never met? Is there any chance? No major arguments, it was loving.

for me I blocked him everywhere! he comes home from time to time pretending he wants to see my mom ! but I'm on my feet ! I broke up because I want our relationship to go forward not just dating ! so I blocked him ! he keeps coming home to check on my mom 😂😂😂😂 he thinks we are still in ancient African way of thinking? my mom won't decide for me

I feel so depressed and lonely...

How do I contact u I got questions?

She asked for space and I didnt listen and kept pestering her and now shes done with me and acting indifferent. Does no contact to give her that space still can work or is it time to pack up and call it quits?

Broke up 5 weeks ago. I saw this past Tuesday to discuss rent/furniture, and I was hoping it would be the last time to focus on my healing. It was almost 3 weeks NC at that point. We caught up, first very lighthearted then more serious. She says she's still sticking by her decision, says sorry for causing me pain, cries, and I just smile to her the whole time that it's ok. I wonder if she is just feeling guilt. In about 10 weeks I plan to move out of this city. Do you think that I should reach out before I leave and make this huge 2700 mile move? I want to ask her if she wants me to stay.

Me and my ex broke up jan4, I went ghost on my fb and other social media’s so I could work on myself. And so I wouldn’t be tempted stalk her. 2 days ago she reached out and asked if I was doing ok, then asked why she couldn’t see my social media’s. We talked for a few minutes and she updated me on our old pets and her life. Without me asking she even told me she has a new apartment and she even specified that she has a female roommate. After about 5 txts back and forth I cut it off and went back into nc. Did she reach out because she missed me or because she wanted to lessen her guilt? Anyone reply with advice but please no trolls

My bf broke up with me after living together due to me not having anyone here for me and me needing the emotional support from my family I left the state to be with them, I am afraid i made a mistake and he would never look for me again after the no contact or even giving him time and space. Was this a bad move?

5 months now... Still want her back. It takes time to heal so take the time to heal. She might come back or she might not, but you need to heal and grow

So today I met my ex for the first time in a while. We’ve been broken up for about two months now. I started no contact a couple days after the break up but she still contacted me every once in a while and I would respond. She just got back from a trip and reached out to me so I decided to meet her to talk about it. At this point I was fine with never getting her back or at least prepared. My only expectation was to have a good time. We ended up kissing and then she ended up sitting in my lap and we made out. We acted like a couple and how we acted when we were together. After we walked around the town and she seemed a little bit cold. She eventually apologized for bitter when we got dinner. I understood because we both thought we felt one way just to have this experience counter that. Anyways, I don’t really know what to do next. She still is wanting me to not expect us to get together because she doesn’t want to hurt me. Guess continuing no contact and seeing where it goes.

It’s been a month since my ex broke up with me and I contacted her about 4 days ago, telling her I wanted to fix what we had and that I understand why we broke up and all that. She said she needs to be by herself and just do her for now. I just responded with “if you change your mind then let me know.” Man I want her back..

I have one urgent question. My ex had 3 days after our 3 month rs a rebound with an old friend. We are separated since 5th December. I've been in no contact since 21th12 n he wrote me at Christmas tht he hope we remain friends. N yesterday he messaged me tht we could meet up end of January to clarify the rest . N he hopes I am fine.. N I don't have to hurry. . I asked wht he mean by saying :'the rest' n he replied tht he thought I said I wanted to talk about this.. I didn't I asked.. He actually asked me out at 13th December.. If we could meet before Christmas.. But thankfully we didn't met.. As he just told me on the phone about the new /old girl n tht I don't have to put hope in it. So I never asked again.. He just always mentioned tht I wasn't just someone n Won't be.. We still have stuff from each other.. Actually mine is not important, but I ordered him stuff for his job n made something very personal about his dead beloved mother.. I finished working on it the day he dumped me.. Ironic ha.. So I want him to get this as well.. I put so much heart n time in it.. Should I wait for more 2 months n send him this stuff with a notice? Something like' there could be much to talk about, but u ended our rs, found a new girl n that's it, I do care about u n if u gonna miss me one day, let me know ' Something like tht? Should I send this stuff n note?

Hey ! So after applying no contact for two weeks my ex flipped out, and yesterday we met up to talk things out. Told her I'm respecting her decision, but that I still love her and thus I'll take some space, and she accepted it( nothing went south). I also told her as we're no longer together I'm going to travel for 6 months tops. I'm a bit afraid that it sent a message of don't talk to me and she will move on because obviously I will meet other people as well, as will she. Will it be too much time and space ? Thanks !

He jumped to another relationship asap I been in no contact more than a year I will never reach out to him again n if they entertaining someone else I doubt they will wonder n all I'm in a stronger place now than I was a year ago I'm to busy at my jobs so he hardly passes my mind.

Me and my ex were on the re-attraction phase and well she started to ask more of me and i hesitantly agreed and well in hindsight i should’ve maintained my masculine but the bitterness and pettiness got better of me and i fumbled a little now we’re back to no contact and i feel like we’ve broken up all over again fml please give some advice

Welcome back! Why my married ex keeps contacting me? I'm not responding to him but he isn't likely to stop. I tried blocking didn't work. He always finds a way to reach me.

my ex is with the girl he dumped me and the grass is greener right now for him. in the weekend he texted me after he heard of his mom that i ll be leaving the city soon but i guess it was breadcrummbs because he is with her all day just like he did with me

How do you forgive yourself for being the one who started the toxic behavior?

I'm kind of in that area which I've caused some craps because I was so angry and blacked out in an argument. She thought I was having suicidal thoughts and kept calling me and alerting everyone so that I don't harm myself. But as I said I was blackout and don't even remember what wordings I've used. The next day I've texted her and she was so annoyed, upset and worried that she didn't even wanna talk to me. The only thing she said was "I really need space now so I would appreciate if you can respect my request, and pls don't think things will be back to normal this quick and soon"... So I've given her the space and no interaction at all since 3 days now. Does this mean it will be over or is she just calming herself from the situation. Pls note that I have sincerely apologized for what I've made her go through as I really did get anxious and angry over arguments that I couldn't take anymore. Someones help and advice will be appreciated.

Just watched your video time and space Rory. After 20 years with my wife she monkey branched me. Of course I Was so hurt and ignorant of NC I chased for months. We reconciled three times. Each was just for days. Is it to late to go no contact?

Rory. Most, if not all, videos of this nature are geared for the good guys (gals). What about a few for the bad ones, like myself. The ones who were left by people they loved dearly but treated poorly. The ones who cheated, lied, and emotionally abused their partners. And now sit in a deep hole of shame, self hate, and relentless guilt. I understand that so many of your tips do still apply, but isn't there an added layer or way of approaching things specifically for the ones who do not believe they are worth saving??