Will My Abusive Ex Treat Their Next Partner Better? Episode 46 of the "Ask a Question" Show 

He will treat her great in the beginning.. because he still has to convince himself that your missing out...

Whether they do or not, they'll make sure you think they do, appearance is everything for a narc.

Just keep telling yourself that you are better off without that person. The pain that comes from the lack of empathy really hurts. There will never be closure because the person that hurt you will never actually care. What goes around usually comes around, unfortunately justice never happens as quickly as you would like, but those people will get what is coming to them in the end.

What I have observed is that a predator will treat their new target 'differently' but not 'better' than' the treatment you received. By 'different' I mean they will use a different strategy to 'hook' and 'hold' their latest target but the abuse will still be there only it will be whatever the predator thinks will work best with this new target. Like, for instance, the things that were said and done for me during the love bombing stage will be different from what has been said and done for the new target. The predator will use whatever method works best for that specific target but the abuse will be the same but will take a different form. When all else fails, the predator will simply adapt and change tactics.

When I found out what my ex was I was relieved. I knew it wasn't me. I am glad that I was able to get him out of my life. I feel bad for the next person and I hope they find out sooner rather than later the evil that he is. Also the experience made me realize that I have worth. I would rather be alone than to live a life of misery and uncertainty with someone else.

I hope my abusive ex can find someone to be happy with that would bring me so much joy and maybe he’d stop stalking my life

Whether he is or is not treating his new girlfriend better than he treated you, I'm going to assume that 1) YOU didn't like the abuse and 2) YOU didn't deserve it. No normal, emotionally healthy human being likes to be abused. None deserves it. These guys are predators: They use, abuse and discard. They are equal opportunity users, abusers and discarders. Often they will return to a former used, abused and discarded girlfriend/wife and the cycle is repeated. They'll make you crazy if you think they can change. They can't. They are UNABLE to love and they are unable to be loved. (Here's an example of the depth of their feelings about 'love': You go shopping and buy Blush #1. It's so pretty and just the perfect color. You just looooove it! You wear it until it bores you to keep wearing it day after day. So, you toss it into the cosmetics drawer behind your other blushes. You go to the store again and buy Blush #2. It's so pretty and just the perfect color. You just looooove it! You wear it until it becomes boring, too. And so on. You might even pull out Blush #1 and use it again. Once again it becomes boring and gets thrown back into the cosmetics drawer or tossed into the trash. Here's the point: They view us like you and I would view buying, using and discarding a blush. They treat us like we have no feelings! Does a blush have feelings? That's what Dana was saying and it's absolutely true.) I'm sorry you're hurting, but you really and truly don't want or need a man like that in your life. Ever. Take care.

His ex was used for her lookes she was pretty and cute .i was used for my heart ,i was nice caring gentle understanding ...now he used his new woman for money and status .he has no problem jumping from one person to the other .connecing to new famiiys and friends .of course he kept harem of girls that wanted and needed them at all times .

You better believe he will. And he's done it to others before you. It didn't just start with you.

Also they use excuses such as being ill or depressed so you don't confront them and so you back off so they can go ahead and do whatever they choose. It's all about getting you to feel sorry for them and controlling you to not call them up on any of their bad behaviour.

This describes this to a tee.....we were married 26 years. It was constant abuse, never his fault about anything, always mine......I finally got the strength to divorce him after NC last April.....He has already remarried the new supply,well, not so new cuz they were screwing around when we were still married. All over fb that she has found the 'love of her life' and they are sooo happy. Does Karma ever come to these mentally ill monsters?

He was a great boyfriend untill...i got depressed and he no longer needed me .he went off to complain about me to averyone ...and to our mutual friend that he engaged 4 months aftet dumping me. I learned what is hell on earth

I've always wondered this question and makes my stomach hurt to think that they will do better with someone else while I'm still hurting. I just came across your channel and the videos I've seen so far are very helpful.

Thank you for sharing this. It hurts to watch it happen to someone else, and to have the thoughts and feelings that "I'm not enough," but then when you realize it for the "con" game it was you can heal. Sometimes initially realizing the con game for what it was causes the emotions to worsen for a while, "Why wasn't I smart enough to see this!?" etc... but then you realize they are a "master manipulator" and they do this with every "young thing" that comes there way for whatever reason--sex, $$, a car ride etc...

My ex is a sociopath or narc one of the two he used his excuse of being blown up by an IUD in Afghanistan to make me feel bad for him and stay, I stayed for two years , one day he didn’t come home at night and well the rest is history, he started putting his hands on me, choking me, throwing stuff at me and trying to kick me out. When I finally left him I found out he had moved back in with his ex wife the same woman that accused him of beating her and the woman who warned me about his narcissistic behavior. Now here I am trying to pick up the broken pieces , he tore my self steam to the ground and made me feel like I’m incapable of being loved.

Thank you again Dana, don't know what I would have done without u the past 3 months. I observed My separated Narc husband of 9 years (with the new supply), they had an affair for 8 months behind my back. Of course he cheated before this but this time I kicked him out. When I seen them together my ex was calm, affectionate, loving kind and even gave her money! I couldn't believe I was looking at the same man! He was a right bastard to me. Three months on and I've just met a lovely, kind, affectionate and genuine man. So glad I kicked my ex into touch. Needless to say as soon as my ex found out I met someone he's been phoning, texting, begging me to go back! What goes around comes around. So much happier and healthier since the break up. Couldn't have done it without your help Dana. It's helped me to see who he really is without the mask. Thank you. Heather. X

The new person is different and a new start... adoration/validations/easy to use her as supply. Yes...they blame the codependent and not them. A person's self esteem should not go down since they should not take it personally...it is issues/problem. If you get too close they may discard..run from love. Pity the new person since it may not last very long..maybe 6 months. He doesn't want to lower his self esteem so blames it on the ex.

Sometimes the supply about the new woman is simply that she is a good friend of mine, an old friend, etc. They love causing drama, triangulation and jealousy. They are addicted to that. I choose to not initiate any contact with either of them. But answer politely and nicely if either of them sends me a text with a question. I'm keeping it very short, not giving him any drama food.

During the love-bombing stage, he will probably make her feel like a queen. But as time goes by his nasty tendencies will eventually show up. Someone who lack empathy,are highly toxic and uses people as objects for narcissistic supply will NOT add anything good to your life.

I def had this question when we first broke up. He has since moved on to a new person and she is the opposite of me in every way! He's buying her flowers and doing tons that he never did for me

You are a life saver for me. Thank you for your videos. A lot of things I didn't understand now make perfect sense and I am free of my narc. Thank you.

Thank you for answering my question in the previous video and a few others responded also so I find that helpful to hear other peoples experiences. I appreciate your channel.

They dont have a choice, they take what they get

Why is it that after a 25 year marriage, and the last 10 years of absolute hell, that I still cannot express/articulat what my Ex N/Partner did/does to me, to the court, attorney, etc, (child visitation involved) yet I can absolutely identify with SO much of what has happened to me? I feel like a dis-articulate verbal invalid. Someone suggested it might be repression due to trauma. What is really going on??? After all the verbal abuse, it's so completely dis-empowering to feel this way and NOT be able to express myself! : (

Every time I listen to your site I am growing stronger emotionally ♡ So I keep on going and growing day by day Thank-you so very much for All You are Doing

THANK YOU FOR THIS. I wish I'd found it last october when I was absolutely destroyed by a similar situation, but better late than never ;)

...or if the narc feels u'r kind of getting too close, intimidated by u'r suspicions and abilities to see through the drama and how evil they actually are. Guessing that's when they need to find the next victim and play the same kind of evil game until thrs no more supply again...and maybe not much of a comfort, but they don't like people getting to smart. (pls- correct me if I'm wrong and sorry for my bad english...) brgds

I have read so many books and I am in counseling for narcissistic abuse .this is the best info I have got yet and makes me feel way better .

Thank you for the videos - they help me get on with my day when the memories start to creep up!

You/your videos are a true blessing in my life.

In my situation mine probably is treating his new supply better as I turned him into police for hitting me and he was convicted of assault FV and is attending batterer prevention counseling. But doesn't matter, I know I deserve better-we all do!

Very true my ex described the women he cheated on me with as having expiry dates.They don't see us as people .Said it was my fault and HE deserved someone who didn't get moody before period.He also said his ex fiancé didn't love him in the right way

Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and Blessings!!

Dear Dana (Narcissist Support). You have no idea how much your vids mean to me. He once told that he was a chameleon & that he could be anything to anyone. That statement I never forgot & at the time it did disturb me greatly. another statement he made to me, was that he really should not have let go of his Jewish girlfriend from his past, because she really loved him....wow....he said this to me half way through our 16yr marriage. I was devastated by that comment. But because he was a Saint Michael that everyone loved & admired & he was "oh so spiritual" & the women loved him, I pushed these statements to the back of my mind. He had absolutely no male friends & I always thought that was strange. When I asked him about that, he said other men did not connect with him, because he was not into sports & hunting & was more spiritually inclined. It was my therapist who clued me into who Michael really is......because she was on his team at the local Health Care program for the elderly. He wore a mask & I once told him that I did not think that even he knew who he really is.

I needed to hear this today. Thanks Dana!

Terrific video! Thank you

The new partner doesn’t know the truth yet!!! Once the new one realises he’ll leave

Actually my ex boyfriend treats the new supply like a servant. They were aquintances, we broke up, she needed a place to stay, so she moved in with him in about 3 days. Since then they have been living together (3 months) at a farm, no sign of it anywhere over the net, not a single Facebook like from the guy's side like it's a huge secret, he calls her "his girlfriend/partner/pair" but no show of emotions in private messages (I have access). He is often really rude to her, saying she is lazy, not doing the chores around the house and even threatened to throw her out of the house. What is this???

In fact strong! That was meant to say

HELLO DANA, I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS , YOU HAVE HELPED ME SO MUCH, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU, WHY MICHIGAN? FROM NEW MEXICO , WHAT IS IT ABOUT THERE? PLEASE TELL ME, I WENT TO MONTANA FROM COLORADO AND NOW I'M NOT SURE IF I LIKE IT HERE, WHAT IS IT ABOUT THERE. THANK YOU ANGELA

What happens if we tell the narcissist new partner who they are really dating? I feel horrible knowing what that person is about to go through.

My suggestion is substitute the presented question with another question.. "how can I heal/recover from this experience?" or "how can I not repeat this experience?". I'm concerned that the question indicates misplaced perspective. I have found that reflecting on my wounds, choices, and motives was most helpful.

i have a question.... to add to anonymous's question... will my ex come back? and if he does how should i react so that he doesn't hurt me again for rejecting him?

my cerebral covert went out & left me for 15 days (silent treatment) because I went out with friends & was a little late home. I cudnt get in, he snapped my key in my lock so I cudnt access my house. I found out (after getting bsck with him - I was a mess as I was so confused) that he went in a date! he lied to my face about it wen I told him I knew. his auntie found our & told me because he'd bragged to everyone of his family & his friends......but not me. non of them told me. why did he lie? he said he didn't kiss her, said she was awful. I planed to ditch him... but my self esteem/strength/ energy is too low.... hes been bsck 4 months now & he won't sleep with me? its breaking me. he knows that. he told my friend yesterday he saving for ring!

What if the new supply is married? I work with my ex Narc at the same place and he has decided to flaunt his new supply and rub her in my face. She is plus size and he always used to make fun of plus sized people.

i was discarded after 30 years of this abuse in the relationship and hes treating my cousin who he moved on with better than me.

Hi Dana - Randy here, wanting to get a time sensitive private message to you but don't know how.

Unfortunately he she will..you unfortunately can't do much about it..all you can do is let them go ..

Why her, the other girl had more money or other benefits. I knew a male Narc who would live and have sex with ether gender as long as they provided him free room and board and cash.

do they all really know they are using us?

Unfortunately my ex narc is my coworker smh.... I had always made it a rule to never date a coworker. I broke my rule because he was so adamant about wanting to be in a committed relationship with me. I thought we really connected. However, I realized he enjoys screwing women on his job. Hell the mother of his child was his boss at another company he previously worked for. I guess I thought I was special. He screws women that are in the same division and department. All of us are on the same floor!

No , he is using her as a piece of meat, cuz that's all they know. My ex's fb new pics were actually hilarious, the body language said it all. In one , he looks like he either has to take a shit really bad, or he's in pain. ( she is butugly) , in another it's pure fake smile, and in another it's " Ah, my and my drink, enjoying a moment on the beach,,,,,,, oh , wait , who's this woman in my face?" . I'm pretty sure he won;t have the cajones to text me looking for refills on his scripts that I had been giving him, after I texted him thanking him for the good laughs we all got from the priceless pics, and offering him paper bags. And , yep, shit should be blowing up in that "relationship" in 5,4,3,2...,1 . So don't feel bad.

Lol ✅✅✅!