The host spoke about a guy that had 5 kids with a woman and wouldn’t marry her because he didn’t want to COMMIT. This is why I typed my previous comment and I wish people would take the time to understand cohabitating with a promise to commit along with having babies does NOT equal COMMITMENT!!!
Bryan Beeman No it doesn’t, but that’s why communication is key! If he communicated to her that he didn’t want to commit and just be with her and have children then she’d know. The problem is many people are liars. Saying oh we’ll get married, saying they love you when actually they only have strong feelings for you, etc (because love is actions), issues would not happen if people clearly communicate and are honest.
“Sometimes people’s intentions don’t change just because they love each other.” Dam she said it all right here. So if you know from year 1 you weren’t gonna marry the person, don’t waste their time for 10 years. Love don’t mean nothing if your intentions aren’t clear or good
You can love someone and never marry them if you are someone who just doesn’t believe in having to get married. I know of some couples that are beautiful and not married because they just don’t want that. Knowing someone’s intentions are important, because you can’t be with someone that doesn’t believe in marriage but you are hoping one day they marry you. Also people need to stop fucking lying most times that’s how people end up in situations like that as well.
I think it lessens your chances of getting married. Theres nothing to look forward to if you’re already sharing your body and other marriage benefits before the ring. Single is single until you’re married.
Ashley Shanea AGREED! In order for me to move in with someone before marriage it would have to be 2-3 months before the wedding and EVERYTHING from venue to dress would’ve already been paid for.
Fro Ku you’ve admitted that you’re late 30s and UNMARRIED. Please heal from whoever broke your heart in 9th grade and stop being angry with BW. Commenting a bitter complaint on every post for some attention makes you look pathetic and miserable. We’ll still pray for you smh.
Fro Ku has it ever occurred to you that the black women you claim to be least desired don’t want to date black men either? BW are choosing other races and women because too many bm think ignorantly the way you do. White men have high credit scores, good jobs, no baby mommas, and no anger and bitterness towards BW. Meanwhile, you’re the angry black man that no one wants because you sit behind a computer all day seeking attention. They have more to offer. You’re 35-40 years old and still complaining about bw ain’t shit because the ones you used to like didn’t want you back 😢. I promise if you meet my “sky daddy”, he’ll heal your broken heart and turn your life around. Hes a father to the fatherless.😉
Fro Ku sounds like its just some internalized hatred honeybun smh. Neither blk women or men are angels, but somewhere down the road someone failed you in the relationships area and turned you into the male version of a feminist. Seeking a higher power isn’t about believing in an imaginary sky dad. Something created you. If you learn to love your creator and yourself, you’ll find it easier to see bw as more than what you see them as. You seem to care about the state of our community, but hating your own people doesn’t help our community.
Fro Ku google “why are men misogynists” and they’ll tell you that it’s associated with the mental health. A BW traumatized you, but not all of us do that. I told you therapy and God can fix whatever it is 🙂
I'm against shacking first and foremost. For those who are for it, I'm seeing the argument that you need to know what this person's habits are before marriage. What are y'all doing during the dating process if not collecting information about them? What's wrong with spending time asking questions and sharing each other's space while still keeping your separate living quarters? You may not know everything about them living apart, but dating isn't intended for long stretches of time like 4 or 10 years. Pre-marital counseling or going over expectations before marriage is also a good way not to become blind-sided before exchanging vows. Just my thoughts.
Ms. Perfectly Imperfect facts. ppl also claim they absolutely have to “test drive” as if thats all love is about. If you meet your soulmate, it shouldn’t be a struggle to compromise on living arrangements and sex can improve.
Facts! She's an excellent host! She's smart, engaging, entertaining, asks great questions and facilitates great conversation. Keep doing ya thang, sis!
We moved in together after getting engaged. There was a 1yr agreement that we would married, or I would move out. No kids. 10 months in we got married. 1st child born 1yr later. We had the conversation before hand. That was 35yrs ago. Still married.
If you settle for playing wifey the chances are slim to none that you'll become a wife. Men will allow you to be their playmate if you're ok with being played. Marriage is not so much about commitment as it is about covenant. That's why God ordained it so it's so much more than a ”piece of paper” or a contract. God does not bless the mess.
I agree that living together without a commitment is risky. In my opinion, couples shouldn't live together if there is no engagement (at minimum). And, the engagement shouldn't last years. If he or she is taking a LONG time to be committed. Move on. Don't waste your time. Adults should be able to take care of themselves before bringing someone else in the picture. #Facts #TimeToGrow #RelationshipGoals #FamilyValues
@Jaren Lacy True. We can agree that we don't know people habits unless you know them. Living together or not. I must say that time plays an important factor. I believe that no person ever really gets to know someone else because we change. Our family members don't really know us like that. They know a lot of things about us but it's a constant cycle. I believe the real question is (we have to keep it 1000); How much are we able to tolerate? And, if that's the question then the next is: Do we really love that person?
I did it wrong in my first relationship. Sex before marriage, living together then getting engage. We never made it to the alter.The second time was successful because we did it God's way. We abstained.The biggest difference was the type of woman I chose. One had a relationship w/ God and the other didn't. God views marriage as a covenant, and He views sexual union as a binding covenantal act. Sex has become a meaningless bodily act and it's no longer sacred.
We aren't being honest in our community! The required work that needs to be done for a marriage to last is very rare imo. Shack up or not if you aren't prepared for the hard work it will FAIL. Like alot of issues we seem to sugar coat alot of issues and the next generation is not being taught to not go down the same path in high numbers...misery likes company
50% of marriages fail, but 50%of marriages succeed n we need to concentrate on the successful marriages. My first marriage ended in divorce because we married for the wrong reasons...my second marriage was for love n all around support n death parted us after almost 23 years together...always look to the successful marriages for examples..
I think as black people, we spend way too much time on why things fail, and hardily ever past down what works/worked. In most cases, "losers worry about losing, winners focus on winning."
Women, are you seeing these comments by these black men on this page? Can you see the contempt behind the words they type. These men are not wanting a commitment (marriage). They are dogging you, telling you what your with is, shaming you, and putting a burden on you that he wouldn’t dare bear himself.... These brothers are damaged and hurt... somewhere down the line, whether they want to admit it or not (and they don’t looked like their mixed with anything else other that another black person). I don’t know if they did not know their daddies, or if their daddies was forced to marry their mothers, or their mothers made bad decisions, or a combination of all of them, but these brothers are ticked off... They are putting their childhood on you... Solution: Don’t take it... make them get therapy for their mommy/daddy issues. Their parent’s failed relationship (or even yours for that matter) doesn’t define who you are... One thing I’ve learned as a therapist is that parents play a HUGE role in their children’s lives. If daddy drives momma crazy, the kids gonna be crazy. One last piece of advice (cause I could go on and on 14+ years as a therapist), is LADIES.. control your fertility... do the research... these damaged brothers aren’t wanting to marry you, but impregnate you, and if he chooses to leave, you have a child(ren) and resentment. THE CHILDREN ALWAYS SUFFER... I was one of them; but I chose the opposite of what my mom, dad, and step father was... A responsible, accountable black man. I have 1 baby momma that’s my wife. We had children AFTER we got married.... and I love her enough to not drive her crazy... If you a crazy woman, get help... don’t punish your children because of your past... and don’t punish yourself and think this defines you. Otherwise, your son may just be one of these broken men on here.
People shack up because they are not sure about their partner and the relationship. Many times they are with the wrong people and afraid to be alone, afraid to admit it and afraid of the unknown. When people are sure they will get married and move in that direction. No shacking up required.
Short answer yes. People live together out of convience and for survival reasons nowadays. GOD is good. So live your life according to GOD and he will match a suitable husband or wife for you. Marriage is a union made by GOD.
The Traditional western way of marriage is not what the Most High ordained. The process of proposal, engagement and wedding rings, and a wedding ceremony is NOT necessary for a woman to become a man's wife.
I been shacking with my man for 2 years. And I plan on another 50 lol he bought be a ring recently and I loooove the ring.... it’s absolutely beautiful but I have no plans to actually get married. I enjoy keeping things a mystery and plus I’m not willing to complicate things with a sheet of paper. He’s fine, he’ll do whatever I want, but I’d rather stay single, that way if we break up when can just go our separate ways WITHOUT all the legal hassle of dividing up property, ,paying lawyers, changing names back and all that Jazz. Just isn’t worth the stress. I live a care-free happy life and I intend to keep it that way
Fro Ku I actually did read the comment wrong however, if you’re calling him a simp ill still have the Same response. We’re both smart. He knows also that marriage means NOTHING..... at least to us!!! We understand that we can be together, be happy, financially set and relatively stress free and don’t need a piece of paper with a state seal to validate our relationship.
Fro Ku and furthermore it’s actually seriously fucked up to think that different human beings all want the SAME things in life. Marriage isn’t for everyone.. not even most of the ppl who get married OBVIOUSLY.. that’s why they all end up divorced anyway
Fro Ku yea but Do u ever ask yourself why?? Most women DONT actually wanna get divorced.. but if a man is gonna keep cheating, lying, humiliating the woman, won’t step up and help her with the kids, or feel intimidated because she makes waaay more than he does etc. divorce it is!!🤷🏾♀️
I think couples should focus on building a solid foundation before getting married. Know what your goals are as a couple and if you're compatible when it comes to morals/values and family. I feel like living with a person helps you truly know if making that ultimate commitment is right for you.
Jade Smith It’s even worse if you happen to be a feminine male & attracted to the same sex! 🤣 Porn depletes your dopamine receptors & also causes increased anxiety/loneliness. Not to mention, introduces the sickest fantasies to young, impressionable minds. It’s a totally destructive industry that must be dismantled.
Unfortunately, supply and demand. If there wasn’t a demand for the native porn, it wouldn’t be a multi billion dollar business. Also add the fact that you have so many individuals being kidnapped and sex trafficked, it’s ridiculous How much Is a 12-year-old little girl worth? If you can put a price on a 12-year-old little girl, that’s where society has disintegrated.
I don’t ever want to live with a man period and making things work is not something I’m willing to do if I give u one chance and you mess up I’m not making nothing work. I love being single cause I don’t have to worried about nobody but myself and my daughter.
They literally skipped over the biggest issue in marriage and that is money! They brought up millennials and most of us aren’t married because of finances. I’m surprised the doctor didn’t touch on it even lightly.
I think she was dealing with fundamental issues that affect rich or poor. Money is more of an enablement, means to facilitate but when it comes to principles of love and relationship she covered the foundation. I get your point though and again this is my opinion💜
What about money? In a relationship that is moving towards marriage, certain boundaries need to be defined and renegotiated as you both grow: 1. Have an open door policy where you both can come together, sit down, and discuss your concerns openly and honestly. 2. Sis, if you don’t want to work, lay it out on the table. Brother, if you need her to work, lay it out on the table. 3. Look at both of your salaries and see what concessions (if any) needs to me made to live off one salary. 4. Look at spending habits, chores in and out of the house... are you purchasing a house? 5. Playing house by moving in is still not the same thing as being married (committed) in a house with someone. 6. That marriage certificate changes the dynamics and the pressure is on.. you know why, because not you both have to be accountable for your words and actions. A standard is in place and must be honored.
The divorce rate is that high bc, the correct qts aren't being asked beforehand, I've seen this from real life observation, experience and from open forums. I see silly qts like if I'm a Scropio and he's a Leo will our relationship work? The most successful marriages come from successful courting/vetting process and a lot of adults do not do this/skip this process. I think there's nothing wrong with living together but, stipulations need to be put in place that will lead to a common goal bc, men do get comfortable quickly.
@claire Thomas. This was so eloquently said. I do wonder what are the questions that should be asked? I personally am one that does not subscribes to i can't marry him because he is a Scorpio. 🤔. I always found that to be nonesense. But I would love to find our from you what right questions should be asked and the proper way to vet men?
Honestly I feel like shacking up or not really doesn’t matter. What matters is the two people that are in the relationship, sometimes statistics get on my nerves. I think partners in a marriage have to realize how beautiful & blessed it is to be in one union, learn how to dedicate their life to one another & commit to their vows. Have God in the middle, and let him guide the relationship through. I feel like if people value marriage & make loving one woman/man normal again. Marriage will last.
Trust me you are one of the lucky few! lol Its hard in these streets. lol When you prematurely give husband benefits (which happens when co-habitating).... with the wrong partner they can take you and your time for granted. But CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
pimp named slickback lol ....women will innately make a house feel like a home by 🥘 cooking and 🧹 cleaning and entertainment with the “wifey” attitude. Those are benefits to any man. Some of us don’t get lucky playing house before the commitment!
Y’all are really doing the most he was looking at her listening to what she was saying. Not like he was going to eat her 😆 damn a man can’t even look at someone without people saying he wants her. He wasn’t licking his lips or looking sexual.
Very interesting conversation,I use to be all for marriage because that's what I saw on tv and wanted different from my mothers life.In my 30s I've realized i wanted it for all the wrong reasons.I am more about working on myself and enjoying life,if mr appears then so be it.I can say it's nice to be with someone,but personally I am at my happiest single....marriage is definitely another whole ball game...
DON’T shack up brothers. Get your bread up!! Down payment on a crib is 3%. Buy a starter crib. Don’t get caught up on co-habitation with a woman. Bruh, stay focused! You do not want to have a situation where you’re left outside cause you shacked up and messed up.
Renters vs Owners : Think women take a huge risk when living with a guy. He is in a sort renting you and your services. Not all but most. There is no commitment by moving in, but mostly a guy buying time til he finds out who he really wants. I’m just suspect on anybody after dating for some time, they still not sure about you. It doesn’t take long for a man to know. Guess it depends on if the woman has the time to waste, if it doesn’t work out.
Most husbands I know said they knew early if not immediately that they wanted to marry their wives. It didn’t take them long at all. The same was true for my husband. Who knew very early into our relationship.
God loves Couture Nope. I set the standard for what I wanted. As a result, I had to walk away from men who didn’t want to come up to my standard of no sex or living together before marriage. And, I was blessed to find a man who lived by the same standard. Dated for several years. We’ve been married for 25.
God loves Couture this is true. people will ask to have access to marriage benefits without wanting marriage. continue to stay firm and live righteously and God will send the person that was created specifically for you.
Fro Ku 😂 What’s so comical about having standards as it relates to finding someone to spend the rest of your life with and raise children with? Men have standards, as well. My husband did. He wanted to marry someone who had similar values and beliefs as he did. That’s why he chose me. And as Marraige counselors, we recommend that everyone who is looking to find a spouse get to know themselves well enough to know their likes and dislikes and what’s important to them. That way you don’t end up with someone that you are constantly in conflict with. Trust me, after 25 years of being married and seeing many couples who have married and divorced during the same time span, I’d say we have gained a lot of wisdom and experience. There are always exceptions to rules. But generally speaking, all the couples that succeed in building a life together and maintaining love and connection have basic core values in common. They have standards that their partner naturally measured up to by just being who they are.
That 50% divorce rate is skewed. You have to break it down by age, race, and income levels. Some demographics divorce much higher than others and that's what raises it to 50%.
Its higher in our community on top of now folks arent getting married at all. You can record non state marriages so a good measure would be a show on out of wedlock births and co parenting
@@youcantsitwithus3102 kind of. I just reject the the notion in this video that EVERYONE has a 50% chance of divorce. They make it seem like it's not even worth it for anyone. Everyone's circumstances are different as the more detailed statistics bear out.
G.P.E. It’s kinda not worth it anymore atleast to some of us! Get married just to end up divorced anyway?? Why bother? . For most ppl it’s not a matter of IF they get divorced but a matter of WHEN... it’s an unfortunate truth in this day in age
After being in a relationship for 2.5 to 3.0 years, one should be able to see where it is going. If a determination cannot be made, get out of it and stop wasting time. I hear people say they have been together for 5-6 years and there is no direction seen on where it is going.
Nope because if you know how the true art of how roles and relationships actually work. You will know that relationships are basically marriage. You don't need a ring or a certificate. It's a spiritual and physical union between man and woman...facts or facts?
Love Language!! It's a book my friend suggested i read for my marriage....never did. I was separated at the the time. Still am....working on a divorce.✌
In my experiences (twice), cohabitation is good and it helps IF you are ALREADY ENGAGED WITH A WEDDING DATE SET. For me, the first time it showed me what I needed to see so I could make the right decision and not marry that person. The second time, it helped my current husband and I to get out some of the kinks before we actually got married and assisted in us saving more money.
Simply put men don’t lead and women won’t follow. Each side wants to have their cake and eat it too. Men want a woman to view them as a leader but not display leadership qualities and women want to be with a man that’s a leader and but not respect his leadership when it’s inconvenient.
Now days there just seems that things are not compatible but still want the feeling on being in love so it's kinda forces at times. As for the man being a leader of the household, I absolutely agree with your synopsis but I also believe the younger generation is well equipped to Netflix and chill vs lunch and dinner dates and finding common interests. I don't believe it's possible to find a mate with leadership ability without feeling undermined at one point or another.
yalisaconner The younger generation has been led to believe that the relationship game has changed when it really hasn’t. It has evolved but the basic core principles are the still the same. The failure to understand this dynamic is why relationships are being frowned upon in our current times.
@@MikeBNumba6 Don't forget there are men that take advantage of a submissive woman. There is a difference between a strong woman and independent woman. It takes a well rounded man to invoke the mindset of an independent woman. Then she is supposed to lead. There are men that want to lead the household without the capabilities of leading himself in the right direction.
Fuck what everyone else thinks. Do what works for you. Personally, I have to cohabit for a year at least to get a feel for the woman and all her habits and vice versa. Giving up your space and freedom is a big commitment in itself
"Some Women live longer when single. Most Women will enhance a man's lifespan." As a divorcee & empty nester also living well💃🏽, I believe both statements. Communication/Understanding is Key!!!🗣️🤔🗣️👂🏽🧐☮️❤️🙏🏽
The primary reason for millennials failure in marriage is that this generation is vastly more selfish and self centered. Both male and female. This is disastrous for long term commitment. The culture has changed drastically. Ppl and the culture has transitioned from a far more religious (Christian) and family oriented one to popular/Hollywood/entertainment/social media. While religion isn't perfect, a huge tenant of it is the practice of selflessness. This is a no brainer to me. Ppl are far more selfish nowadays
As a woman who was cohabiting at a point... it really DEPENDS on both parties... if both individuals are committed of course it may work. In my experience I will NOT be cohabiting before Marriage. You really never know someone until you live with them. 💯
I live with my husband for a year,was engaged for four months and got married after that. I'm glad we lived together first because you don't know how a person is until you live with them.
Marriage is a commitment,there is no commitment without marriage do not give these men wife benefits without him being your husband period. A man who will not lay down is life for me I definitely cannot lay down my body for him.
I disagree when it comes to health. I've been healthy ALL MY LIFE. That's 1st priority. In the words of GOAT LeBron James......(Your Best Ability is your Availability). #Facts
My husband and I did not live together until we were married and we almost didn’t make it through the first year of our marriage. After going through that, I 100% encourage people to live together first. That’ll give you the opportunity to really get to know the other person, not just what they show you.
Brandi this is interesting. What about the fun? Really getting to know the person the first year. Stats show that if you dont co habitate the marriage last longer. Idk maybe touging out those first years make the marragie stronger?
D C it wasn’t fun. We were both used to living alone. He did things one way, I did things another and it led to arguments every other day. We had no reason to discuss things like the laundry or him being a slob, for example, when we were living separately. I didn’t know certain things about his personality until after we were married and I’m sure he can say the same about me. I will say that first year really tested our love and commitment to one another, because there were a few times that I had my bags packed.
@@brandilatham7047 my grandmother would say there is always signs....and I'm a believer in that. I do beleive there are growing pains in any relationship whether marriage, work, etc but the end goal is what counts. And if you look back at arguments over laundry or kitchen being cleaned I'm sure if you didnt focus on the end goal you wouldve left the first year.
@@brandilatham7047 haha see. Not being married is the easy way to walk out. People think it's just a sheet of paper but it's not. Marriage is a system, institution, whatever word you want to use. You build it is the point and you have to want it. We are quick to give a job blood sweat tears however quick walk away loves ones that really care about us but eveyone is not built the same. It takes time to build things, but anyway glad you didnt just pack your bags. Let me get back to work.
Everyone/Couple have their OWN TIME/PACE. No 1 can tell me when I should get Married nor if it will work or NOT based on the fact that I moved in with someone. #Facts #IdoMeNOTyall #GreatShowThough
Xavier Birth Yes I agree. Too much stigma put around other people's relationships and how we need to do things. Clearly doing it the "right way" isn't working for a lot of people either.
Exactly! All those back in the day old fashion standards while husbands had whole families on the other side of town and even in the church with them. Wives creeping with brother in laws and the milk man.
JessBusiness no, it because women don’t value commitment. They go back on their word like children. Most women who initiate divorce do so because they are bored and want to feel something different, not because the man did something wrong. Plus the divorce laws incentivize women to get divorced
JessBusiness yes there has been lots of research done on this. I don’t need to speak to all women who have been divorced to make an accurate statement that reflects reality. If you want to know the truth do the research yourself. No, marriage benefits women which is why they are the ones that want it so bad. This is exclusive from divorce benefiting women as well.
You shouldn't have to WORK on a relationship. You work enough at your job. It should be a joy to be together. If you feel you are working it means the other person is not being responsible for themselves and you are pulling their share. I dont feel people should live together. If you feel you are good friends and want to stay together then get married. You notice I said you feel you are good friends and really want to be around each other. Marriage is not some magical thing where you fuse together and you have some magical epiphany and transcend into the heavens and you live happily ever after. You are still your own person., yes you may make sacrifice for a while for kids, but even that it is a choice and should never be thrown into kids face or make them feel a burden. End of rant. Marriage used to be families coming together, I am not even sure what it is anymore???
I'm 30. My wife is 29. We've been together for 15 years. Married for 2. Lived together for only 3 years before marriage. Don't rush anything. Learn each other and adapt to new things. Relationships are not hard. People are just selfish....extremely selfish.
My wife and I lived together for a little over 2 years before getting married. My parents told me to always live with a woman before marrying. They've been together for 40 years and married for 38. My mother in law wasn't happy about it. But I reassured her that I was serious about her daughter. I told her we wouldn't be shacking up for long. Also, I told her while I can understand and I respect her concerns, I hope she can understand and respect mines as well as what my parents taught me. I was 23 at the time. We got engaged a month after cohabiting, married 2 years later (my wife's choice to have a 2 yr engagement, I would've been ready after 1), and we've been happily married going on 9 years.
we shacked before marriage, the best way to really get to know each other. after engagement we both moved in with our separate families to save money for the wedding and house. got married and 15 days later closed on our first house. it can work if you both are on board with the same plan and end game.
I feel Claudia is the only one with sense on most of the shows. But it seems like she's holding back on whatvshe really wants to say to these women on her shows and feels obligated to root and defend these women and their bad choices. We all know as the holy bible said a virtuous, moral woman, who practices moral self denial e.g. none of that multiple partners stuff, doesn't sleep around e.g. one off booty calls cause he is cute, or even a virgin will have no PROBLEMS finding partners to marry them regardless of their age
I've always asked this, too. Like who gave us this concept and why do we stick to it so hard? Just because something is traditional doesnt mean it's something everyone aspires for or even needs
Fish Bajan Religious. Of course not everyone wants to get married, but for those that do and happen to believe in God, Christianity teaches that you’re supposed to be celibate and if you can’t control it, its better to marry than to burn. People most likely won’t be celibate if they’re shacking up.
@@wonderfullymademedia As I stated in an earlier comment, the traditional western way of marriage is not what the Most High ordained. The process of proposal, engagement and wedding rings, and a wedding ceremony is NOT necessary for a woman to become a man's wife.
Marriage is great. Married people have options. Society is too selfish, no sense of family. We cant come 2gether if fam isnt 2gether. This is y we're not winning as a whole, not to mention we've been locked out of the revenue stream. Couples live longer than single people. Partners lessen the burden on EACH OTHER!
The definition of a COMMITMENT in regards of a marriage: Making a conscious decision while feeling great euphoria with the full intentions of staying in matrimony when the euphoria has declined. People get married based on feelings. When the feelings change, they leave, forgetting about the commitment they made. So marriage is not sacred any more.... but neither are human lives
That is inaccurate. What she meant to say was "Men live longer with a counterpart" or they have a woman of significance in their life. You do not need to be married to have that.
@@thebluntfultruth8475 No she's right. Marriage reassures that men have that permanence in their relationship. Therefore, they are more inclined to trust their wife than their girlfriend in regards to their needs.
When humans ignore the teachings from the holy books, all they'll be doing is wander around in ignorance. Our forefathers have long and successful marriages because they were good followers of teachings in the Holy books. In all world where people's decisions are driven and blinded by their desires, we are doomed to have failed relationships and dysfunctional family structure.
I shacked up twice and married both but I wouldn't recommend it. You don't need to live with someone to know if they are going to marry you or not. I divorced my ex husband and ignored the red flags before we lived together. Married to my husband 14 yrs together 16. We were friends first so I was able to see the true him before we decided to be a couple. He told me he was going to marry me. When you live together you are doing things as husband and wife without the commitment. Date and live in your own place.
Why not study the happy ,successful, couples instead of focusing on the failures. My belief is that most Black people have no idea how to sustain a family which is why we have the highest single parent and divorce rate. We are also too far apart and don't have wise elders in our circle.
Don't ever take advice from unmarried people, as well as people that don't have successful marriage. There isn't a teaching, training that can give one the necessary skills on how to instruct married couples. You have to live this thing. I don't even tell young men to get married & I'm a married man to a great women. However in this day marriage is of no benefit to a man. 90% of these new age women ain't worth the headache. Society has ruin them. All my mentors have 25 yrs plus in marriage & they have so real dope relationships. I mean they are just to real our conversations are no holds barred. I love the fact my brothers don't have to cow tie & lay down when we talk openly in front of the wives. I hate gutless henpecked men. Men are less incline to marry & I can honestly say I don't blame em.
Yes, I think that shacking up will ruin a relationship. You can learn the most important things about your prospective mate by not living with them. Things like how they handle their finances: do they pay their utilities late. What kind of company they keep (male and female) when you are not around. Housekeeping is a big one for me, do they pick up after themselves. If one of these things is not normal, it can zap the zeal right out of the relationship. Make sure that you have 2-3 things in common that you will do together because that will be the glue to keep you together. Go through 6-9 months of marriage counseling
@KiddRogers wrong. The signs are always there. When the divorce happens people reflect on all the things that went wrong months or even years prior to the actual divorce. Can people get caught off guard? Sure, but that rarely happens. People get arrogant and think the red flags will just magically go away because they get married or that their finances will fix everything. It's like a job. You will see the signs and red flags taking place before you are fired.
Some people live together for practical reasons. For my now husband and I we was saving for a house. I was conflicted because of my upbringing in the church so God will have to deal with on that decision. We got married before our house was completed; married 10 years together 14 years God willing many more years.
Millennials aren’t getting married less from what I’m seeing. They are waiting a little longer to marry though. As for people living together and never marrying, they are basically married especially if they have been living together for years. If they decide to split, it will basically be a divorce with all the shit that they have to split etc. If kids are involved.....yeah your married.
@Amor Ankh while running my mouth in the comments section, I have dealt with a childhood CRUSH (just a crush, never dated) from my past on the other side of the country wanting me to move in with him. "let's build" he says. build what? he somehow sees that as a nice gesture. come live with me and i'll do this and that. he doesn't understand how insulted I am. but some woman will take him up on his shack up offer.
I year of shacking up is going to forecast the future of your marriage? Yeah right....rolling my eyes. It just sounds like you want to leave an escape route. When you know you know.
I have been with my children's father/man for 11 years and we are not married...He is an excellent provider and protector...I am a stay at home mom and we are great in terms of our relationship...The only issue we have is that I want to work and utilize my college degree, however, he is against me working outside the home because he doesn't want no one to keep our kids...And we live in SoCal...
AllthingsNataJean I am a stay at home Mom too. Me and my fiance both agreed that staying home was best for our son until he goes to preK. I understand how your husband feels, but I would say it should also depend on how old your kids are. If they are passed the age of 3 they could go to prek while you work. They'll eventually have to go to school anyway and by then they can talk and let y'all know what's going on. But I wouldn't trust my child 2yrs and under at a daycare but that's just me!
I see your point, but what happens if God forbid he passes or leaves? If the laws in your state aren't in your favor for a domestic partnership, what protection do you and your children have?
AllthingsNataJean what about what you want? Tbh he has no say in if you should work or not because you’re not his wife. If you were, it would be a different story, but even then, what if something happens to his job or him and he can no longer provide? If only one spouse is paying bills, the other should still work and just save the money for rainy days like that or in the event theres a divorce. That would be the logical thing to do imo.
You're not married. If he decides to up and leave u tomorrow you will not get any alimony and may lose custody of your children due to not having an income. Find a way to make it work. U can even work part time so u can get experience and when your kids go to school, switch to fulltime if u choose.
That is quite sad that someone would string along another in the name of commitment (Come we stay!) thank God in my country if you cohabitate with another for more than 3months your are recognised by law as married.
All women beautiful on panel but something bout Mercedes that got me like 😍 Something about her reminds me of Gucci girl! She sounds Jamaican or some form of Caribbean!!!
Not shacking up before marriage will ruin a marriage. How else u gon learn everything about a person? What if u get married and then u find out about all kinda shit u didnt know before?
My manz wit the blu suit aint shit 😂😂😂😂 he low-key on Spanish mommy to the left of him and I think his girlfriend can sense it. What made matters even worst is that the host complimented him witch boosted his ego something decent...My son be out here slinging community wood!!!!😂😂😂😂
This unfortunate therapist is just a propaganda merchant. "I wanted to take a feminist stance so I did a study and was able to prove that ...women live longer when they are single." THIS IS NOT SCIENCE. You don't take a stand and then do research to prove it. Obviously, such researchers would manipulate data to fit their planned stance. You do research to find out reality then report the findings.
This convo is for people who desire to be married how about people who just do not want to be married and let them be. I have divorced friends who vow to never be married again. So this question is only for those who want to be married should you shack?
Very good point. If you have already decided you absolutely don’t want to be married this conversation is not relevant. This dialogue appears to be designed to help those who desire to be married to figure out the best way to get to the finish line in the healthiest way possible.
