Winnicott's Take on Becoming Somebody 

I have long believed that the answers to becoming whole (resolution of one's personal analysis) lay in the depths of childhood and not societal influences. Psychoanalysis will never move forward because it's the family dysfunction that seems to never be the focus of examination. After 8 grueling years on the couch, I and my analyst in training were spinning our wheels; I finally terminated knowing that I had more work to do. Decades later, during a failing 12 year relationship, I finally admitted that I was lying to myself. I sought help from a psychoanalyst who was state licensed, but was not board certified. He was NPD. (Very long story.) Finally, I decided that I myself could only unwind my chaotic life, further complicated by my emotional (not physical) involvement with the NPD - acting out his destructive emotions toward his mother and two ex-wives - I became his unconscious object. I had nowhere to look, so I immediately began to recall early childhood memories (age 2+) , quickly realizing that I first needed to examine my parents relationship to each other. Then I looked at how mother and father interacted with their 4 children; I began to be aware of the dynamics between myself and each of my siblings, and how everyone related to each other. All these relationships are revealing because siblings are as important to self understanding as parents are. All children have unique relationships with parents. I was the last child - I eventually, in my self analysis realized that I had been scapegoated early in life, then this reality was compounded late in life. One sister, my fav, was BPD - another reality that became clear to me near the completion of my self analysis. (2023) I and my older brother were their second family. Our two sisters were ten+ years older. They were both in college and out of our home before I was 9. To complicate our very dysfunctional family, our parents were fundamental Christians. I finally left the church in my early 20's. Then, after a failed marriage I decided to explore psychoanalysis, having read Freud's "Interpretation of Dreams" at 17 years old. I knew where I wanted to be, I just didn't know how to get there. It's taken a lifetime, but I'm happy to say that I made myself whole.

I was supposed to be a boy baby. I believe my mother was greatly disappointed. She stopped breast feeding me after 2 weeks, and lied about this reality until she was more than 100 years old, when she blurted it out one day on a drive home from errands. Until very recently I have been unable to understand my lifelong relationship with her. I felt that I always loved her, yet never felt loved by her. Don Carveth's enlightening video series helped me understand the dynamics of Moral Masochism. Since then, I've gone from misunderstand my mother to realizing that she was always mentally ill as a Delusional Christian, beginning at age 16 - after the death of her mother. And now, as of today, a bad mother. It's my belief that (and many others, too) that our mothers model our love relationships, forever. Until this fundamental relationship is unraveled, all love relationships will be dissatisfying. Yes, for women, the father relationship is secondary. (I have no idea how males resolve their parental relationships. Perhaps fathers are more important to them, yet I doubt it.) Am I whole while still attempting to rework my relationship with my mother? Yes, although there are certainly aspects of my life that need improvement. Self observation becomes ingrained, psychoanalysis never ends. The goal is to live a fulfilling, relatively happy/self accepting, productive life on a daily basis. The world is not us, and we can be aware of both the outside realities while maintaining our inner reality and strength at the same time. Depression is non existent, sadness, from time to time, is part of life. And during the analytic process there are weeks and sometimes months of grieving and mourning. This is the undeniable aspect of a deep dive analytical process. Freud was correct about many things. However, I believe Winnicott deserves more importance. I respect his findings and unaware of him, I followed a similar unification of many theories. I am not a scholar; I found my answers experientially. I strive for homeostasis - on a cellular level, physical and emotional levels. How wonderful it would be if this could occur on societal level, as well. How many centuries will it take? More than one at the rate we are going.

Thank you! And thanks for the suggestion. A part 2 sounds like a good idea!

I think Martin was asking about the reference to Part 2 that you mention in the video?

@@mitmit2340 Ah, you are right. Yes, we have yet to upload part 2. Stay tuned! Thank you