Withdrawal From Others During Breast Cancer: How to Cope and Navigate

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Dealing with breast cancer is challenging enough without facing the unexpected hurdle of being "ghosted" by friends or family members. In this insightful video, Dr. Jennifer Griggs delves into the complexities of withdrawal and ghosting during such a critical time, providing both understanding and practical advice. Additionally, we provide guidance for individuals looking to reconnect and offer meaningful support after a period of absence. Join us as we discuss how to cope with ghosting, navigate relationships during this challenging time, and build a network of support that can make all the difference. #breastcancer
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Timestamps
0:00 Understanding Ghosting
1:24 Impact of Being Ghosted
3:40 Strategies to Cope
5:24 What to Avoid
6:15 Why People May 'Ghost' Someone Going Through Cancer
10:00 Advice for The Ghosters
Disclaimer: Yerbba RU-vid videos are for informational purposes only, do not constitute medical advice, and are not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical team, mental health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding your medical condition.

Опубликовано:

8 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 68

@elizabethkcaceres8090 2 месяца назад

It happened to me by the people I thought cared about me and were there in the beginning. These reasons being given here are all excuses. I experienced all the emotions of what she is saying but not anymore. I have moved past it and I’m so much better for it. They weren’t my friends to begin with. Now if they try to reach out I won’t give them that satisfaction. I’m just so happy now without them. It’s like such a relief. I did enjoy the video just don’t agree with everything being said. I would never do that to anyone on any circumstances. I’m a good loyal and caring person and illnesses don’t scare me or keep me from being there for who ever needs me. It’s just sad to know people are selfish. Hope they never have to go through what I did and feeling alone through my journey.

@yerbba Месяц назад

Your journey through understanding and overcoming the disappointment of being ghosted must have been hard. It's empowering to hear how you've found happiness and peace by moving forward. Keep embracing your strength and the values that make you a supportive and loyal friend. It is hard to know how we would react to a situation we haven't faced, and it's likely that many people never thought they would have ghosted you before it happened. Thank you for sharing your experience and watching.

@sjordan7085 2 месяца назад

Ghosting happens in numerous situations. After recovering from cancer, I tend to limit my interactions with others, and enjoy my alone time as well as working on personal goals. I have moved on from being disappointed, I know I am resilient, and do not allow ghosting to impact my life, because I am strong and able to survive, resilience is probably my strongest value. That said, I had Endometrial cancer, not breast cancer, I heard via the grape vine that I had died, when in fact, I am very much alive. I have tweaked my diet even more, my Oncologist was so impressed, that my recurrence risk is only 3%, I have also refined other aspects of life. Living a purposeful life, is important to me, reconnecting with those who chose to remove themselves from my life is not a priority, because they have shown their true colours. Having a couple of close friends is of more value than being with those who are less than sincere.

@yerbba Месяц назад

Focusing on personal growth and a purposeful life is a great way to navigate the aftermath of a cancer diagnosis. Thank you for sharing insightful tips in how you prioritize your well-being and value deep, sincere relationships over quantity.

@nancyferrari6743 2 месяца назад

Thank you for addressing this issue. It’s been a time of sadness as some family members and friends have pulled back. I just don’t have the energy to try to understand. This is my journey and it takes my energy to manage all I’ve gone through and continue to manage the side effects of Anastrozole.

@justcomment8516 2 месяца назад

Exactly! It's time to focus on yourself and find new circle of friends when time is right.

@mauragerard1887 2 месяца назад

This is exactly how I feel. Thank you for putting it into words as I was unable to.

@yerbba Месяц назад

Thanks for writing. Remind yourself that it's okay to conserve your energy for your own journey and well-being, especially while managing treatment side effects. Focusing on those who do support you can help preserve your strength and dignity.

@user-ch8vk9rh1c 8 дней назад

Excellent. Thank you. I would also add that caregivers/partners of cancer patients experience ghosting when their loved ones do, and this can be very isolating

@sharonpatry5401 2 месяца назад

I couldn’t figure out why my male friends were doing such a good job of supporting, and why some of my female friends basically threw a book of prayers at me and took off. I was super surprised because I thought my male friends would be freaked out by breast problems. Then I realized-it’s easier for men because they aren’t worried about getting breast cancer. Breast cancer is the monster in the closet for women. I think some of my female friends are just freaked out because bc is scary and my diagnosis makes it scarier

@sanazs6285 2 месяца назад

But wouldn't be better for women to learn about breast cancer from a friend who is going through it that if it happened to them then they would know what to do

@sharonpatry5401 2 месяца назад

They don’t want to learn about it. They don’t want to think about it. It’s scary

@sharonpatry5401 2 месяца назад

That said, when I come out on the other side of this and things look normal, I suspect they will come back. Question is: can I feel the same way about them? I doubt it

@tommy7fun 2 месяца назад

As I said to someone else on here, at least you know now who your real friends are. There are no excuses. And dear sweet Dr. Griggs is using some. I've had friends with cancer and I was there for them. My wife cooked meals for them and would visit them. I took some of them to their dr's appts. Dr. Griggs said some ppl are "scared". Again, an excuse. People like that need to grow up and act right. I wish you the very best.

@deborahbizzell1989 2 месяца назад

I've had female and a couple of male friends ghost me.Many times women want to distant themselves from you,thinking that if they hear about to much,it will get in their thoughts,and create b.c diagnosis.Men sometimes don't want to deal with a woman they think is unhealthy!

@chamilaschadlou3281 Месяц назад

I know the feeling to the core… but I believe the good we do comes back and the bad we do comes back too.

@yerbba 23 дня назад

Your belief and the energy you put out into the world certainly come back in various forms. It's important to stay positive and cultivate gratitude, especially during tough times.

@justcomment8516 2 месяца назад

Many thanks, Dr. Griggs, for this insightful video, I found the extensive list of reasons why people ghost very useful! I've been ghosted many times before I got BC, so, I don't even pay much attention anymore if this happens, I guess I've just stopped expecting much from people. Now when this happens I just have a giggle, don't take it personally, remind myself that the reason is them and not me and move on. As advice for those with BC who got ghosted, I found it liberating, encouraging and motivating to know that the world is full of interesting people and if we like we can get out there and always start new friendships with people who are on the same wavelength with us. Also, the world is big and full of interesting things, there is so much to learn and to do, we can and should do things by ourselves and explore ourselves too, not just look for other people to do things with, this gives great sense of control over our lives, of freedom and strength. People come into our lives, stay for a period of time and then go for whatever reasons, but we have to look forward and move forward because progress is healthy, and health is ultimately what we want to achieve at the end of our BC journey, right?❤❤❤

@yerbba Месяц назад

Thank you for sharing your perspective and approach to dealing with ghosting-it's incredibly empowering! Your mindset of focusing on self-growth and exploring new opportunities is inspiring and a valuable lesson for others facing similar situations. I'm sure your having written is going to help other people.

@cheriea1670 2 месяца назад

Thank you, Dr. Griggs, for addressing this unfortunate topic. It hits so close to home for me. I'm a mother to three adult children and am currently under treatment for stage 3 breast cancer. My youngest Daughter has been a Godsend from the beginning of my diagnosis. My other two children have abandoned me. My sister has abandoned me, though I supported her & her family when her youngest child had leukemia. Neighbors have "discussed" My condition amongst themselves, but haven't offered a single act of support toward me personally. It's incredibly sad and overwhelming. I've relied solely on my Heavenly Father and my helpful, loving Daughter. Really, I try to stay positive and even see a therapist. But this hurt has been an enormous challenge nonetheless. I've determined myself to focus on whom I DO have in my life and to detach, as you recommended. My health and well-being are dependent on this stance. My prayer is to one day be restored to those I still love so much. God bless all of us who are going through this and fighting cancer. And God bless you, Dr. Griggs.

@yerbba Месяц назад

We're truly sorry to hear about your experiences with ghosting, both from a friend and unexpectedly from a healthcare provider. It's especially tough when the support you expect isn't there in such a critical moment. Your feelings of disappointment are completely justified, and it's important to communicate your needs to your healthcare team. Thank you for opening up about this; your sharing helps others feel less alone in their struggles.

@EC-yd9yv Месяц назад

🕊️💙🙏✨✨✨

@amyl5764 2 месяца назад

Thank you for your videos that address the emotional side of a breast cancer diagnosis, not just the clinical. Appreciate it!

@yerbba Месяц назад

We're so glad you found our videos that explore the emotional aspects of a breast cancer diagnosis to be helpful. Thank you for watching and being part of the Yerbba community!

@saronghezai 2 месяца назад

I am glad you brought the topic of ghosting. After my diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer in 2018, I didn’t realize it’s called ghosting but I knew some friends suddenly disappeared from my life with no explanation . Of course, at that time I didn’t realize that was their intention so I have attempted to reach out concerned about their well-being until I realized three or more months later that was intentionally they were ignoring me. For me, it doesn’t matter their reasoning or explanation especially given my circumstances, how can I be understanding. I questioned, the meaning of the 25 years friendships which I was loyal and been there cancer and mental journey. I am no bitter by no means, but it taught me who are my friends. Fortunate to say I have celebrated my six years of MBC and continue to thrive with support of my families and FRIENDS.

@yerbba Месяц назад

Recognizing the true nature of friendships during such a challenging time can be painful but also enlightening. Celebrating six years with the support of genuine friends and family is a testament to your strength and the quality of the relationships that truly matter. Thank you for sharing how you've navigated this.

@user-wb4cl7wm7n 2 месяца назад

Friends ghosted us when husband diagnosed with cancer we expected them for thanksgiving and went all out on food etc and they phoned at the last minute and said something came up.

@HL-qv3yd Месяц назад

Yes one of my 30 years friend, she keep making excuses to catch-up and I decided not to contact her anymore.

@yerbba Месяц назад

How disappointing that must have been, especially when you were prepared to share a special time with friends. Situations like these can be eye-opening, showing us who's really there when it counts. Thank you for sharing.

@ctmom2114 2 месяца назад

A difficult subject, to be sure. I have 4 adult children. 2 have been supportive 110%. One, pulled away and caused a riff, well before cancer ever entered my world. He was told of my diagnosis-enter crickets. The 4th, has mental health issues, I know that my diagnosis would have caused her to fear for her own health, down the road, raised her anxiety. She has also ghosted me. As I shared with a friend, I forgive her, along with her brother, as I understand, however, I do not forget. I had to let those 2 adult children "go," relationship wise, for my own mental well being. The 2 aforementioned have done wrong by me, I have moved on, wish them well. I do not extend myself in any fashion to connect with them. Estrangement is what it is, I have accepted it and am at peace with it. I rarely think of it. As others have shared, a cancer diagnosis really does show you who you can rely on, and who you can't, and it is applicable to both family and friends.

@yerbba Месяц назад

Navigating relationships with your children during such a challenging time must be incredibly tough. Your ability to forgive, even without forgetting, speaks volumes about your resilience and understanding of their fears and struggles. Thank you for sharing this with the Yerbba community.

@HL-qv3yd 2 месяца назад

Ghosted by all the friends literally soon as they hear bc, I'm still shocked by this, many years friendships means nothing to them I relaze.

@tommy7fun 2 месяца назад

So sorry. But at least you know who your real friends are now. Some ppl act like a POS. I don't get it. Friends of my wife and me have had cancer and we were there for them. We took them to Dr's appts. and did their food shopping. Some folks are caring, others are crap stains as my wonderful Dad used to call them. Please, dear, don't make excuses for them. There really is none. Keep them out of your life. Wishing you the very best.

@HL-qv3yd Месяц назад

@@tommy7fun it's really sad but I can't change it the situation, well I let them go, and thank you so much 🙏❤

@deborahbizzell1989 Месяц назад

Right,I have had around 6 ghost me! They can't stand to associate with ppl with this disease.They act like it's contagious.

@HL-qv3yd Месяц назад

@@deborahbizzell1989 that's exactly how I felt and more, I found its very hurtful 😢

@yerbba Месяц назад

It's incredibly painful to feel abandoned by friends, especially during such a vulnerable time. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's okay to seek support from those who understand and empathize. We're here for you and appreciate you sharing your experience. We hope you found this video helpful.

@camkay100 Месяц назад

Thank you for taking the time to make this video, I must be living in outer space. I’ve never heard of ghosting. But now that you’ve explained it and all the nuances I have a much better understanding of my sisters reaction to my cancer diagnosis. Also, one of my sons is an estranged and although it’s not related to cancer, it certainly fits one of your descriptions of ghosting. I am from the school of “if you just dig deeper, you can solve anything school” but I think after seeing this video I may have to make some changes in my life philosophy. There are so many things that made so sense to me and helps me understand the loss of friends and family in the past. Thank you again for taking the time to make this video it has been incredibly helpful to me and I suspect I will visit it many more times.

@yerbba 23 дня назад

We're so glad the video provided you with valuable insights into ghosting and helped you understand your family's reactions. Making changes in how we approach relationships can be empowering and lead to better interactions. Thank you for watching!

@Lndwdr 2 месяца назад

Thanks for discussing this topic. I was ghosted by a friend after I mentioned to her I had cancer. It doesn’t feel good, even though it was a casual acquaintance. I also had my internal medicine doctor never contact me during my breast cancer journey. And when I had an appointment with, she never acknowledged that I had gone through cancer or asked how I was doing. That was really disheartening.

@justcomment8516 2 месяца назад

I hear you! A few people, who I thought were great friends, when I told them about my diagnosis said I can reach out any time if I needed anything and never bothered even once to call or even write to check on me. They think that a like or a short comment on my facebook post is good replacement, which I find very funny. I found new friends, do many things on my own and am generally very busy with my life.

@yerbba Месяц назад

It's really disheartening to feel overlooked and unsupported, especially by healthcare providers who are supposed to be part of your support system. It's important to advocate for the care and recognition you deserve, and please know that your feelings are completely valid. Thank you for sharing your experience.

@naththomas9946 Месяц назад

Thank you, Dr Griggs, for your helpful advice.

@yerbba Месяц назад

We're glad you found this video helpful!

@luticia 2 месяца назад

I told two persons about my cancer diagnosis. Both have ghosted me afterwards.

@mariaiosif741 2 месяца назад

Same happened to me…

@HL-qv3yd 2 месяца назад

Same here too

@tommy7fun 2 месяца назад

Screw them, they were never true friends. You're way better off without those creeps. Don't make excuses for them. Stay strong. I wish you the very best.

@luticia 2 месяца назад

Really sorry that you all had to make the same experience. 😞

@justcomment8516 2 месяца назад

Bring on new people who know from the start about the diagnosis. The sea is full of fish!

@jackimatsumoto5045 2 месяца назад

I appreciate this information regarding ghosting. I experienced it after losing my husband in 2017 and then even more when I was diagnosed with Stage 3a breast cancer end of 2021. I'm thankful for my 2 daughters who have truly been there for me. We struggled through losing my husband/their father without any other family support but I mistakenly thought family and friends would lend some support but I was so wrong. A few acted as if I had a cold like it was no big deal but the rest did nothing. It still hurts without the support I thought I'd have from other family and friends.

@yerbba Месяц назад

Thank you for sharing your experience. Focusing on those who show up-truly show up-can sometimes help mend the hurt left by others. Your strength and the love you share with your daughters are powerful, keep holding onto that.

@susiepam2716 2 месяца назад

Thank you for the explanation. My sister had a hard time talking to me about my cancer and my treatment.

@yerbba Месяц назад

Thank you for sharing your experience. It can be tough when loved ones find it hard to discuss something as significant as cancer. It might help to gently encourage open conversations, sharing how much her support means to you. Creating a space where she feels comfortable expressing her fears may strengthen your bond during this challenging time.

@HL-qv3yd 2 месяца назад

Probably most likely they ghosting because they scared from cancer, but nobody chooses to have a cancer, just given. But its what its.

@justcomment8516 2 месяца назад

I had a friend of 20 years ghost me because I quit drinking alcohol immediately after my diagnosis. I guess alcohol was the only thing we had in common, that's good to know😂

@HL-qv3yd Месяц назад

@@justcomment8516 sound like it, in my case I let them go, I was very disappointed sad but I'm ok now they dissipear from my life. I wish you all the best 🙏❤

@yerbba Месяц назад

It can be difficult when fear drives people away, even though it's not a choice to have cancer. Recognizing their fear doesn't lessen your need for support, and focusing on relationships that provide strength can be healing. Thank you for sharing your perspective.

@theresahickscch6581 2 месяца назад

My BFF ghosted me the day after my mastectomy. I allowed her to keep a distance for a few days because I know her well enough to know it was fear that made her do it. I called and asked her to lunch and me being the direct type, I asked her what the problem is. As I figured, she was fearful of losing her bestie. We are fine; that was six months ago. I’m rather direct but was prepared to not have a friend; I was wrong. Cancer terrifies people and if you’ve lost someone to the disease, an auto reaction is to protect yourself from loss.

@yerbba Месяц назад

It’s heartening to hear you were able to restore your friendship; it’s a testament to both your character and the depth of your friendship. Thank you for sharing your experience.

@scgraves98 Месяц назад

I call the what I don’t see can’t hurt me the “ostrich syndrome”

@yerbba Месяц назад

We like your term "ostrich syndrome"-it perfectly captures how some people deal with tough situations by simply avoiding them. Thank you for watching!