Dr. Ettensohn, I am a third year grad student, studying clinical mental health counseling, and a survivor of narcissistic abuse. I can’t express how grateful I am for your channel. I’ve been waiting for you to put out more content. Please continue the amazing work you’re doing! Understanding pathological narcissism from a Clinical perspective, specifically a psychodynamic lens has a big part of my healing! We need this! We need to understand pathological narcissism from both personal experiences as well as the clinical perspective… You’re so greatly appreciated, please continue you amazing work!
I hope you will continue to study his work so that you can bet it understand this idea of narcissistic abuse. It's a buzzword these days, but I think there much more to it than most of the popular social media anti-narcissist videos would lead us to believe
I appreciate how you compare different personality styles here so that it’s clearer what NPD looks like versus other PDs. The psychodynamic approach helps me see the bigger picture too instead of only focusing on surface-level presentation. Kudos keep up the good work!
31:00 "In most circumstances, individuals with borderline organization have sufficient contact with reality to be accountable for their actions." 39:06 "Individuals with borderline organization can learn to see and love themselves and other people in three dimensions. These capacities are not forever out of reach; they've simply not yet been developed." I appreciate your work, Dr. E.
I really appreciate your videos as a person who doesn't have NPD, but cared very much for somebody who has. What I learnt from having this person in my life is how difficult it is to live with Cluster B personality disorder. Your videos confirm what I felt and witnessed. You are doing a lot of good to fight the "witch hunt against narcissists". I wish I found a way to also do something to help fight the stigma around this disorder. Maybe it would help me heal and get over the powerlessness I felt with this person.
In a world that is very familiar with terms like fat-shaming, I think it’s really sad that we constantly psychologically shame other people. At the end of the day, it’s not somebody’s fault if they have a cluster B personality disorder. It doesn’t mean that you have to forgive them or be around them or help them… But if you don’t want to be, don’t demonize them because they’re not demons. They’re just people. People who are having hard time just like you so if you don’t want to try and understand that it’s fine, but I think it’s counterproductive to judge and label. Convenient, but lazy. We are never going to get anywhere on this planet by labeling each other, villainizing each other and constantly making everything a competition between who is more empathic and who is narcissistic and blah blah blah blah blah. Most people don’t even know what these terms really mean. “Gaslighting” is the new “literally” as far as being misused as a word. LITERALLY! 😂
Perhaps the main insight. When you get out of the border level of the organization. You understand that you have never truly loved anyone. I Simply idealized my own projections. Thanks doc. Your content is the best. I know this. Because I saw everything else.
This resonated with me a lot. Thank you! You’re brilliant, per usual. Side note: Cognitive distortions is a disorienting experience and even more disorienting is trying to explain it to other people, especially the closer to psychotic organization the individual is. It’s not something many people can even comprehend. You did a damn good job explaining it. I often get lost in the subjective experience of it when trying to articulate it and that often leaves people more confused about it than before 😂
The hue vs saturation metaphor was great. I really like your channel. While i dont have NPD, i find so much of your content really helps me understand pathological or maladaptive habits in myself, and i have much more enpathy for difficult personalities around me.
I love how you compare the overlapping traits of various personality styles to hues on the color wheel. And thank you for explaining that the presence of a personality disorder is like more saturation of the color. That makes sense. Very good educational video, I feel like I have a better understanding of personality disorders.
@@healnpd Thanks to your videos I got to understand myself and others so much better from a psychological perspective but on a very basic human level, too. I've managed to be less hard on myself and others and you always inspire me to become a better version of myself. And according to my doctors I don't even match the NPD diagnosis. p.s. I don't think I'm "splitting" here. You're just exceptionally good at this! Thank you so much!
Hi Mark! Great to see you’ve found a niche about which you’re passionate and truly thriving. I started watching your channel to see what you were up to, but now I’m hooked. I have a bit of feedback. The concepts you’re describing are complex, and I find myself a few steps behind you in your videos. I think that I would benefit from your slowing down your speech. This might mean your videos would be longer or have to be split into multiple videos covering the same topic. You don’t want to throw your lines away.
Or one can pause, rewind, replay...but I understand where you're coming from, totally. Im going to see what it sounds like on .75 speed- whether it's too distorted?
I for one sometimes go to 1.25 or even 1.5 in speed to be able to still follow as too slow makes my brain clogg. Here in these videos it's perfectly fine. I do however take breaks , rewind, replay, pause, screenshot for later. I would not want a changed format and believe those watching are capable to find for themselves what works best.
Thankyou Dr for uploading these videos, always look forward to your uploads 🙏🏼 “The collapse into vulnerability is made worse by the pressure the individual feels to get back to the grandiose self experience” - Perfectly describing the past year of my life. So much frustration and pressure to ‘get back’, but I feel like he’s gone now. Most of my thoughts are consumed by trying to find him again, whilst questioning whether he ever really existed in the first place. Very confusing/ disorientating experience, where do we go from here?
Dr. Ettensohn, thank you for continuing to make these videos - they are very helpful for many of us that suffer with NPD, as a self-aware diagnosed narcissist, I see a lot of witch hunting so to speak on RU-vid here and a lot of hatred towards people with NPD or any of the cluster B's . Which is justified because there are a lot of victims that get abused from narcissist that just want to answers... That's all, but not everyone with NPD is the person that abused them you know what I mean? You are a breath of fresh air and an inspiration for many of us that suffer with these disorders, again thank you and please keep keep up the good work! FYI this is not a "Love Bomb"! lol
Dr. Ettensohn, Can you explain the manipulative behavior associated with pathological narcissism, specifically pathological lying, deceit, triangulation? I would love to hear a clinical perspective on this. Also can you please explain the mechanisms associated with splitting in more detail?
When a person with NPD goes through that cycle of Idealization and Devaluation.. that's incredibly abusive to the other person, and because of their lack of empathy and entitlement, they don't care or consider how the other person is feeling. People with NPD can be incredibly abusive. But they will never admit it. For me, I could see they were hurt and suffering, so I did my best to be supportive. But they gave me the silent treatment, dismissed me, and became very cold. It was horrible. I have PTSD now because of it. My ability to trust is gone. The fact is, narcissistic behaviors are damaging to everyone. But they damage themselves, and hurt those who care about them. 11:57 - "The caregivers response doesn't match the childs needs." When I didn't praise him for every little thing (my response), it obviously didn't match his 'needs' because he would then give me the silent treatment. Of course, he'd then come back around acting like nothing happened.
Can we just acknowledge how much privilege normal people and majority of people have for not having to deal with this? It’s actually too tragic to comprehend how hard life is for ppl with severe NPD. Not only are they suffering but everyone around them is also causing them to suffer bc they’re being misunderstood and seen as bad and needing to change and not accepted
"Everyone around them is also causing them to suffer?" I pretty sure I didn't abuse my NPD Mother. She abused me. Gave me the silent treatment, gaslighted me, showed me a complete lack of empathy.. and all for what? pwNPD play victim all the time.
Dr. Ettensohn, thank you for continuing to make these videos - they are very helpful for many of us. I believe my wife is covert/vulnerable narcissist (no diagnosis but she finally started going to a psychiatrist - but very early days there) - and I am struggling with compassion for the hurting person at the heart of her psyche, but also with how to take care of myself - how do you determine how long you should stay or when you should leave? One red line I have is if she stops treatment - but if she keeps the treatment superficial and doesn't buy into it where does the line exist between keeping the oath "in sickness and in health" versus "I need to protect myself". Also, do you think a combination of raising children and social media could bring out narcissistic traits in someone who wouldn't have been that bad to begin with? I swear my wife was fine when we got married - but as the kids grew into their own people my wife would get more and more upset/rage/etc when they just didnt perform as "mini-mes" and also has an addiction to facebook and a few groups she maintains. (when teenage girls tell you that you are on your phone too much - I think there might be a problem).
Because I am not trained in psychology, I have to watch these several times. I happily use the pause function and replay parts of these. They are not too quick for me--if I had had a pause button during lectures in college and grad school, I would have used it in class as well. We need more professionals to be putting out reliable information for the public--thank you, Dr. Ettensohn, for this enormous public service! I am very curious about how treatment unfolds...how much improvement do patients get feel in their ability to empathize and thus feel motivated to try not hurt people, for instance, or how much does their strange rage at the very same people they are mistreating lessen over time? I love the use of graphics in these videos--I had not so clearly understood before that the reason that interacting with adult narcissists can feel so much like interacting with children is because parts of their developmental was actually arrested or re-routed from a very young age. The graphics hit that home! I also had not understood that grandiosity might be expressed in belittling of others, or contempt toward others...in other words, what "grandiosity" can include is not just the magnification of the self, but also the contempt for and disdain of others. That strange disdain, contempt. belittling--those are also facets of grandiosity. Thank you. That is very helpful.
It's funny because I've been reviewing your videos recently, wondering when this one would come out. It's obvious that a significant amount of time and care went into this video. This type of work requires both and I appreciate it. Forgive this next comment but I have to say that having you mention so many of the other disorders in the video was a bit confusing and frustrating. I feel like I'm living in a world that doesn't really acknowledge my disorder. You are one of the only people who does. There are others of course, but it is significantly few. And the number of professionals who have no idea how to treat NPD is equally frustrating. So having the other disorders get mentioned so often in this video... While I understand why you would do that (The reality that comorbidity is always present for so many of these disorders and that they do not function in a vacuum) I was frustrated by that. Sorry. I have no criticism of you or your work. I'm just reaching a very horrible dead end when it comes to this disorder and the real world. Thanks again for all that you do for us. I appreciate that your universe is often so clear and connected when it comes to the different things that you have to say about this disorder. If you piece together the videos, you definitely find a clear linked narrative about NPD. I'm sure you're research reveals new information all the time, but there's no doubt that what you are saying is consistent from one video to the next... And that includes your book. Take care
@artisaline - Thanks for your feedback. I debated whether or not to include other PDs in the descriptions of defense mechanisms. Believe it or not, quite a bit of it got cut. My goal was to underscore that pwNPD are not the only ones who rely on these defenses. They characterize the borderline range in general, and any personality style organized at that level uses them. My intention was to reduce stigma surrounding NPD and introduce a different way of thinking about personality disorder. Thanks for hanging in through the video!
@@healnpd Just to follow up... I know you're right for including the other disorders. I understand it. And it would have been an inaccurate video if you cut all of that out. I think I'm just expressing what probably is a frustration that isn't uncommon which is that I'm just a little sick of living in a world where my disorder is treated like... Dare I say the red-headed stepchild? There was no "hanging in with" the video. I was engaged the entire time. It's an excellent video. It's about the best video there is to watch on any platform when it comes to NPD. And that's saying something because there are other good resources out there. But this is definitely the best. So I appreciate your response. And please by all means don't interpret my response as criticism. It's really not criticism of this video. And I think it's also my NPD acting up because... I still feel like I want to be special. ☺️
@@healnpdI found this incredibly helpful in understanding my issues with my mother and grandmother. Really looking forward to more, and know that it’s very helpful ❤
Does anyone know what other channels follow this Dr. approach? What I mean is: not stigmatizing the clustter/dark triad personality disorders. The only one I've seen doing this is Teal Swan. As much as hurt we feel towards those people, this is the safest thing to do. I had a ssri induced manic episode recently, and was posting sexy, self-congratulating photos of myself on social media 😅 AND I was treated HORRIBLY by people around me! I want these people to get the help they need, not to mention mania can lool like narcissism and if we approach this situation with hate, everyone suffers. I got severe ptsd just because I was 'feeling myself'. Heartbreaking.
We also need to acknowledge that society is part of the problem whenever they label ppl with cluster B as “difficult” they were already dealt with a much much more difficult hand than most, why should we call them difficult when it isn’t them that are difficult it’s the circumstances they were put in that they had to constantly daily contend with from their environment which was difficult. Ppl need to acknowledge and understand this.
@healnpd do you happen to keep a transcript of these episodes? RU-vid provides them but they kind of suck and they don't have punctuation. I'm also unable to copy and paste on mobile. This is so valuable to me and to many of us I'm sure. I don't mean to ask for more after having already been given so much, but if you end up finding that it wouldn't be a challenge for you to upload a transcript in the description perhaps, I know many of us would find it very useful.
Is personality organization a separate dimension from the personality disorder, for example, can one be borderline organized and have no underlying disorder? Or does personality organization provide a subtype for the disorder clusters?
In this model, the organization is the “disorder.” Whatever personality style an individual has, if it is organized at the borderline level then they have some kind of personality disorder. If the style is paranoid, then they have paranoid personality disorder, etc. It is not possible to be organized at the psychotic or borderline level and not have a personality disorder. In addition, there will likely be numerous other “disorders” (put in quotes because they aren’t really discrete disorders, they are simply symptoms of the underlying organization). The old term for this is “pan-neurosis” (meaning “all disorders”). This is why people with personality disorders often have comorbid depression, anxiety, ptsd, bipolar disorder, substance use disorders, etc. They aren’t really separate disorders, just symptoms of the underlying issues in personality. Hope this helps!
Stumblimg into relationships for sexual gratification,impregnating people he didnt love ..leaving one partner but not just moving on,outbursts of rage when the partner cheated on dishes out the silent devaluation they are experiencing every moment with this new partner. I was very,very confused? What did they want? The new partner while simultaneously abusing the previous. The deliberate hateful attacks seemed very well thought outanipulation of my own ability to self defend..ie pushing with bullying a person to the point they stop trying to be so accomodating and finally snapped, the voctim ex fights back. Is this borderline or narvissistoc behaviour? I guess it doesnt matter as im no longer harassed by police visits if i point out reality or being accussed of stalking as i was being stalked. My curiosity always is piqued by all the varoations of perspective on bpd or npd , i doubt there was any trouble deciding he did not care at all about fair or the impact on the child. Id like to know to protect myself from horrific abuse like that again. After over a decade itvwould have been normal,as itvwas with previous relationships..to breakup and respect each others boundaries despite how we might feel.
I always wonder why it's not called fear of rejection instead of abandonment - I never felt like borderline (but I'm diagnosted as such) as the abandonment trait is attributed so dominant - but I can't fear abandonment when I feel disconnected bc of imagined rejection in first place - what is it then?
If we are talking about borderline organization, then current relationships are partly composed of projected or transferred internal objects. Thus, a new rejection can feel like it triggers an old abandonment - except that the two aren’t necessarily experienced as separate things.
Sure, got the connection hetween past and present - thus the point is : having a critical mother gives a rejected bad object and an avoidend bad mother gives an abondemand resopnse? How do a person feel more abandonment or more rejection?
Do you talk about what sort of treatment happens in therapy in your videos anywhere? I hear "therapy" all the time but that's really vague. Therapy for someone grieving a loss as an adult who had a 'good enough' childhood is going to have very different therapeutic needs than someone with complex trauma from childhood such as those with PDs. Obviously I don't expect a full session in a RU-vid video but would you be able to give an overview of what we should be expecting from a therapist and in the sessions? What actually works?
17 minute mark Question: What is inherently wrong with “Defer to your better judgement”? And what exactly does it indicate in regards to Omnipotence? Random thought: Is it a form of virtue signaling ?
There isn’t anything inherently wrong with it if used in the appropriate situation or context. In grandiose narcissistic presentations, the “defer to my better judgement” is more of a blanket demand. There is pressure for the other person to collude with the individual’s grandiose self-image.
@@marekmedien yeah I’m a little better with friends, and go full narcissist to bpd to narcissist to autism with dating - I guess I feel shame due to autism and the bpd and narcissism is a cope
I guess this is great for other therapists….. for ordinary people don’t bother with this pointless analysis - if they are toxic, leave and go no contact. Their sickness is not our problem
