Women PUNISH the men they LIKE: how women get in their own way 

Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated program and the world's only empirically-validated GRE test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. This one is for the ladies. In this episode, I'll explain how you may be inadvertently messing up with the men you actually want to keep in your life. Most women punish the men they like, and this behavior can drive away the ones you want to stay. Absenting an explicit commitment to the contrary, if a certain behavior wouldn't bother you coming from a man you could take or leave, you shouldn't let it bother you coming from a man you really like. This doesn't mean putting up with bad behavior. It means that the definition of bad behavior doesn't change depending on your feelings. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com

Nutshell version: Failure to regulate your emotions will drive people you want in your life out of your life.

I dated a woman one time. I confronted her about her bad behaviour towards me. She said “you always treat the person you love the most, the worst”. The relationship ended shortly thereafter.

We don't need mind games and drama. If you want peace of mind, there's nothing wrong with being single.

My ex fiance, during a disagreement, returned the ring I gave her. I took it as it looked, engagement over, thus relationship over, no big deal. So I cancelled the wedding plans and bookings. After a month of her trying to reconcile for God knows what reason, she says “I gave you the ring back to teach you a lesson.” I go “you cannot use a sacred bond as a manipulation tool. This is never happening again, goodbye.” I guess she learned her lesson. Still a spinster. Vindication is good 😇

Another brilliant point. The more a wife punishes us, the less we are attracted to her, until she has stomped out the flames of love with her own two feet. Then she wonders what happened.

I tried to explain this concept to my wife without success. She asked me why I don't tell her things that involve bad news, and I explained because she never reacts well. Therefore, while I don't have a problem with communicating the news what she is teaching me unknowingly is that she doesn't really want to hear it and punishing me for delivering it doesn't incentivize me to do so.

It’s time to stop, normalizing, emotional abuse, coercion, isolation, and intimidation towards men in relationships. This is the definition of Domestic Abuse.

Women keep women single is a true quote and another thing I learned recently is never try to make a woman happy it is an impossible task

I can hear all the woman already: "I'm not going to apologize for what I'm feeling" 😁

I would further add that: Women do not punish the high value men that they're giving their best sex to because they can't afford to piss him off... and they later take out that anger on others.

'Emotions don't change the definition of bad behaviour' 👍

In a relationship, the person that cares the least, has the most power. That's the dating game in 2023.

I punish women for bad behaviour like this. If a girl I'm dating tried to 'punish' me once I'll tell her it's the last time she does that. If she does it again she's gone. If I want drama I'll go see a movie.

They tend to push away who they love because of their insecurities. Not always the “bad boy” is so bad, they just prefer to stick with the safest option. That’s why they will never really love “that good guy”, not because it’s just “boring”, but because they betrayed themselves in the first place.

The more a woman treats a man badly, the more the attraction he has towards her keeps shedding away, until it's done and that's when a man leaves, and when a man says he is leaving he is leaving. When a man is no longer attracted to you it is done ladies, you can never turn back the hands of time. When you tell women these things they don't want to listen. This has happened in my life, I will be there looking at her like she is a stranger, not even a positive emotion towards her, then I will tell her it's over.

Another way of putting it is ... women despise super nice guys who are emotionally weak and who worship them .. women adore guys who are confident, a bit dangerous , and who never ever put up with women's BS bitching & nagging and let women know they could leave them for another higher quality women in a millisecond. Then, you are a priceless, high value man in her eyes.

Morale of the story: If you stay single you will be more happy, have less headaches, have more money, have more spare time and won't get stress.

It is always so refreshing when you encounter a woman who doesn’t act crazy and doesn’t drink too much and has intelligent things to say. Just keep looking for those girls. Forget about the ones that just want to party and bounce from guy to guy. They are easy to spot if you just open your eyes a bit and don’t think with the wrong head.

Exactly. Drama, manipulations and childish behaviour is what drove me away. Single, drama free life is the best.

In the end, I believe there are a lot of women who suffer from anxiety and self hate, so they will always self sabotage

It never ceases to amaze me how women get together and complain about how men treat them, then when they are with their man, will regularly treat him with incredibly cruel behavior. Words and actions. I'm curious what women get out of being cruel to the man they are with. Then leave him and run to find a man who will be cruel to her and cling to him with everything she has. Like a game. Either be cruel to me, or I will be cruel to you. No wonder I live with my dog.

This perfectly explains the complete freak out the girl I was dating had when I told her I already had plans for New Years. Her reaction (after just a month of dating and me having prior plans to see my sick friend) destroyed any attraction I had towards her

Stay outta relationships and you don’t have to deal with this psychotic behavior.

A big mistake that men make is considering women to be nurturing. That's fine if you are a baby but between adult men and women the man is the nurturer and has the preconditions that go with that. Men expect that they will have to make more of an an effort because they are not natural nurturers when the opposite is true . A man's nurturing instinct toward females makes him particularly vulnerable. A man will often forgo his own safety to ensure the safety of a woman . This rarely happens the other way around. Women will do things for men but this is mostly transactional. That's why you wont hear much about women sacrificing their lives for men because once you are dead there is no payback. Such sacrifice requires a nurturing attitude of the highest degree. There are always exceptions to the rule of course but you should never make the mistake that a woman will feel the same way toward you as you do toward her.

This is the "required mind reading" women put men through.

Thank you. So glad I realized this a while back. "The need to control" is juvenile and unhealthy. This is definitely worth learning and practicing.

Men spend their day battling the world and all they want from their home life is peace.

Just had this happen, definitely not sharing a girl or being treated like dirt and having her lash out her emotions at me.

I will tell you how women punish the guys they like. Some of them were talking on a podcast. What they do is when they meet a guy they like and get into a relationship with him they make him wait for sex. Sometimes up to 3 months. All the while they are still meeting guys on Tinder that they don't like as much and f--king them right away. They try to look more respectable for guys they are more serious about. In other words, they play games.

It is extremely illogical and counterproductive to punish the one that they like. They are asking for exactly what they don't want by their own behavior.

Ultimately the problem relates to the fact that treating a man as a lover is better for him than treating him as a husband. A lover gets all pleasures for free while a husband has to pay a gargantuan amount of effort for them. Therefore if a woman did have a lover at least once, then all potential long-term partners are in a position of "why are you trying to treat me worse than your lovers? You gave your sexuality to them for free, but you're putting requirements on me? And I'm supposed to be your special one"?

This is why I teach my little girls to treat people politely and with respect, especially when you would like something from them. If you’re unkind and unfair to someone they aren’t going to want to please you, and will eventually go out of their way to make sure they don’t. The idea that me not raising them the right way could lead to them ultimately losing someone that loves them as much as I do is heartbreaking. This goes for more than just love, but friends too.

Brilliant points. I tried 4yrs to save a single mother and give her a comfortable high value life..but she wore me out with her indifferent attitude lack of appreciation..or reciprocated communication..she took me for granted..and walked away ..back to her tinder and IG..shallow existence. She wrecked the best man she will ever have who was willing to buy into that situation they self sabotage ..they know when they just dont deserve it...

Many women will ghost a guy and or throw temper tantrum silent treatments in the hopes that he will “learn his lesson”, when the fact of the matter is she ends up chasing him away then will complain that she cant find a decent guy.

One of the main reasons that I'm in my 50's and single is that I understand women.

I could be wrong but what I understood from your video is that women seek to get an emotional response from men and the men who are willing to put up with this behavior(nice guy?), will continue to be on the receiving end of it, while the guys who don't want to put up with that(a-holes?)walk away at the first sign of unwanted drama.

Its not easy being the good catch in 2023. This gave great language for what it’s been like. I’m finding it tempting to dumb myself down to make myself more palatable to the consumer (women) because showing investment and healthy courtship seems to get us mistreatment instead of reciprocity. She has the prayer answered in front of her but thinks there’s a better deal out there. It’s like you have to date in phases. Keep the mystery about yourself

This describes exactly how I decided to walk away from my mom for a few years. Her controlling behavior made it such a chore to be around her that I just quit trying, and since I lived a few states away, it was very easy to cut her out of my life.

Let’s face it, very few women will watch this video, and the ones who do will call him misogynistic.

Excellent video - Been married a long time and looking back my wife was far more attentive & sexual towards me before we moved in together. Sexual competition kept her in shape & wanting to please. If I could do life over again I would never marry, instead I would have 2 to 5 year relationships with women getting rid of them before they start to turn on me.

I found being a jerk actually got me more from females. Always speak your mind!

This message is pure gold. I’ve often told women that their emotions are hindering their relationships with men.

I agree I also think it applies to men with women also. Ive noticed in my own life the women's behaviors that annoyed me most was the women I liked, yet if it was some woman I had no feelings for, I not only didn't care if she ever texted, I didn't care if she was mad at me for not texting her. I didn't realize until later I was being hypocritical and applying double standards. Classic example, if some woman I didn't like posted some provocative picture I might roll my eyes and think she was sad. Yet if it was a woman I liked, even if I didn't say anything I'd feel jealousy and also a much more judgmental attitude towards her. And you're right, it will push that person away. Ive noticed this aspect with even friends versus strangers. If for example some random person you barely know buys a new house or car you might think cool, looks great, etc. However often with friends we become judgemental. " how'd you afford it" " you should save for a rainy day" " looks like too much house for me to clean" " I never was into shiny things " its been said but we do hurt the ones we love. It's a difficult but necessary step to overcome on the path to self awareness because nobody wants to be the villain in their own stories.

Even more important is that many people were never taught the right way. They only remember instinctively when they're a kid, they could get what they want by yelling/screaming, and generally using negative energy to get their way. People should learn how to maturely discuss, request, and positively influence others to reach inter-personal harmony. It goes for almost every type of relationship.

This is so true. My ex gf's have always treated my like shxxt when they get mad ot emotional about anything and felt comfortable with treating me like trash but then nice to everyone else like wtf ??? Nah i told them you dont get to treat me like trash and youre not going to continue being comfortable doing it to me thinking its appropriate and you can disrespect me. Keep doing it and im leaving and i did just that say 3 times in my life. Tried working with them but they never worked on it themselves. Not worth staying around. We're not intimidated by you !!! Thats not what intimidates men . Youre just unpleasant and no one wants to be around someone who meticulously picks apart any conversation just to find a damn argument.

I don't care what their motivation might be. I punish the hell out of anyone who tries to punish me.

Spot on! The more sensitive a woman is, the more shit she will give you...

Its hard for them to understand that the way they fEEl about their actions aren't the only opinion that matters. Its self centeredness. This person has chosen to stop maturing and growing as a person

This is such a breath of fresh air. My marriage failed for a number of reasons. I am willing to hold myself accountable for the mistakes I made, and my lack of experience and maturity. But god damn, this explanation on why she always gave me shit, even if "she loved me so much" makes a LOT of sense.

I don’t know if you consider yourself part of the Manosphere but this is why the Manosphere is needed , there are people who can articulate the problems men face perfectly to other men who don’t understand why the feel like they’re being mistreated (You can’t complain about something you can’t explain ) …KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK 👏🏾

Yes!! I just learned about punishments and natural consequences in relationships. Out of relationships there are these hidden expectations when attraction or desire is present! So true Love your videos!!!

It is okay to say women are crazy when it comes to their emotions. Mostly because they are not honest with themselves or those they love. Here a psychologist is saying it, without saying it. Women will mostly reject this insight and continue to push away the men they actually like for the bad boy they don't care about.

This is 1000% accurate. Infact it was my mating strategy in my 20s. I'd purposely Dress down, be more of a "bad boy", hide all my academic achievements because I knew if she saw me as boyfriend material, it would take longer to get to the goal. This is so right, women never had me jumping through hoops when I gave a display of broke and hopeless. It's when i started making money and it was visible to see, that women became manipulative, gamers, and disagreeable. "EDIT* 19/9/23 *TIPS FOR QUICK HOOK UPS* 1) Move to cities/towns known for their nightlife. 2) Don't dress up, dress clean. 3) have one or two items that sparkle enough to catch a person's eye. I don't mean a Rolex watch. Pick something egotistical and overly cocky, like a sparkly superman hat (don't shoot the messenger.) 4) Keep in relatively good shape. Pay special attention to your shoulders. Give yourself width. 5) Don't go out with more than 3 males. If you have any female friends, take as many with you. Women are fiercely competitive, the trope of women finding men who already have a woman, more attractive, is not a myth! 6) Never go out to 'pick up' girls. Go out to have the best time of your life with your friends, the music and the venue. Women are drawn to the guy who's enjoying himself the most. Trust me on this one, it may be weird to get your head around this, but once you embrace the desire to enjoy your night regardless of what happens, is the day you are liberated and weirdly the universe just gives you everything. 7) NEVER, NEVER compete for any woman. Live in a world of abundance, not scarcity. I've slept with 6's that were more memorable than 10's. Infact non of the 10s I slept with were memorable lays. Make it a habit to ignore the most beautiful girl around. Credentials: •100+ women before I turned 28. •70+ women within a 2 year spell. •Total money spent on those females combined = $200 (mostly pre drinks with the boys) • Longest I've ever been made to wait= 10 days. *EDIT* Everything I became in my 20s in respects to women, was trained into me by women. Before then I was a hopeless romantic. Women taught me the type of caricature I had to embody for them to feel sexually attracted to me. Ergo *don't talk about yourself. Talk about how beautiful we are* *Don't be reserved, be cocky, egotistical and the centre of attention* *chase us, don't communicate anything to us outside of how much you want us here and now* *If ever in doubt, tell us we're sexy and demand that we come to you now, we need that type of assertive direction* Eventually I began to hate who I was turning into and thus I started to dislike women raised in the west. I haven't been with a woman for 2 years. I plan to return back to my home country and find a traditional woman, maybe pay her father a bride price and then ask for her hand in marriage 😄 I give you all this advice about modern women so through your own experience you realise the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Modern women are like KFC, you'll be hungry again in 30 minutes because in truth, there's no real substance. Kind regards,

A woman finds a man attractive and she spends all her efforts to turn him into something she is not attracted to. They work a relationship to it's end.

Man this is wild. Is this really why?! So much pain cause I got abused by a woman when I was a kid and couldn’t understand why they were always punishing me after showing interest, and even dating.

It just goes to show how some women can be their own worst enemy. And when they end up miserable and alone, they wonder why. Let's not forget that this is applicable to men as well.

Women remember this when your friends ask for advice your bad advice to make them feel good in the moment causes worse harm than be kind a gentle but honest one!!

This video was an eye-opener for me. I'm a man and I was exhibiting this kind of behavior with women I liked. Thanks Doc

Herein lies the problem with the relationship lifeline in todays society where boundaries, taboos, and shaming have been replaced by the whims, caprice, and vicissitudes of feelings and emotions.

Women make decent guys pay for what they freely give to jerks.

I 100% agree, discovered this awhile back. Now am the same across board even with male friends (with little or no attachment). Require same good treatment from everyone only family members get a pass from me sometimes. How you treat A is thesame way you should treat B, it’s something I had to consciously learn. Nice pep talk Dr .

Wow!! This is a wonderful message honestly. As a woman, we don’t even realize we’re doing this. Thanks for breaking this down!

Women who punish their men are concerned that they have married “down”. Making her look up to you might keep her on her toes. Nothing comes from nothing. Don’t look for problems without looking in the mirror first.

I've come to regret giving women the benefit of the doubt and have learned that I often without noticing it Naively give them more credit and believe them more Mature then they actually are.

This makes so much sense! Many years ago, I encountered a lady who had just gotten out of a relationship. I didn’t trust her due to a gut feeling i could ever explain at the time, but chose to be friends. I was immature and treated her badly, until karma got the better of me. She not only gave me a taste of my own medicine, but something else I didn’t understand at the time too. Years later, even after apologising, I found out her ex at the time was a notorious playboy, and she had tried to play him initially, but it backfired. This was around the time I met her too. I thought I was crazy, but now I know for sure that she was taking out her frustration at me, and doing exactly what she described he did when he played her! The funny thing is, I haven’t spoken to her in years, but the last time we did speak, she acted like we were still close. Geez, your videos are so insightful.

Many women have done this with me. The last who did it got a horrible reality check...right in front of one of my Facebook story viewers who just so happen to be present and saw it all. It was chilling for both women because it was clear rejection. Something most women are afraid of. This girl was a mild stalker type, highly attractive. But alienates herself from people. My coworker said this about her and doesn't even know her 🤦🏻‍♂️

So to summarise, 1. Expect from them what you would from a stranger. 2. Regulate your unspoken emotions on your own. 3. Hold your ground on explicitly stated expectations.

Im currently being destroyed by a woman i used to really like. My male logic has me thinking shes trying to push me away from her but now your saying she really likes me and other women have told me the same. Now i know why this beautiful woman is single. Shes crazy 🤣

The fruit of no consequences for bad behavior/attitude....

This is why young love fails so easily. People you care about hurt you more and more often than those you don't care about.

TLDR always strive to be the guy she can take or leave and you will have a great life

Moral of the story, dont try to get her emotionally invested in you

It's narcissism, the hypothetical women is a narcissistic women. Insecure, paranoid, controlling, abusive, setting double standards, guilt tripping, etc. A non narcissistic women treats their partners with trust and respect because they are coming from a secure position. I've seen both men and women behave narcissistical and they both act the same as the hypothetical women.

I think this definitely applies in the early stages, but once you guys have made a commitment to each other, then I think it's fair to let the other person know what good and bad behaviour is to you. However, indirect passive-aggressive reactions rarely work out well and usually end up with some sort of confusion, miscommunication and bad feelings.

I would never date a women who punishes me.. however if she asks to talk to me like a mature adult I would gladly listen and see what we can do to make changes for the relationship to become more fulfilling on both ends.

I have seen and experienced so much of this. It is so common for women to hone in on their bf with laser focus and be almost psychotically critical of him, often in absurdly hypocritical ways. That has actually been how I've addressed the issue with women, by turning it around and using their own judgements on them and asking them how they feel about their own thoughts applied to them. They usually short circuit and either throw a tantrum or realize they're acting insane. The former is much more common, however.

Women punish every man: by talking!

Very insightful. I always know when one of your videos hits home because I tend to squirm a little; I plan to be on high alert of my behavior in this regard going forward.

I think, instead of trying to change people, we should accept this as normal and natural. If I'm dating a woman and she becomes obsessive... I see that as a green flag. It means she actually cares about me. It means she wants me. If I tell her "Hey, because you said we're just friends, I'm gonna take some random woman I met on hinge on a date on Valentine's day." If she gets jealous... it means she actually wanted me to take her. It doesn't matter if she says "we're just friends", if we're dating on Valentine's day... I might as well be her boyfriend. Actions define your relationship status way more than words do.

Thank you for this video! This just reaffirms my conclusion that staying single from here on out is the best route.

Whew, this is good! I like the Litmus test and will apply it from now on. So helpful. Thank you!

Good job. Well done. You said this far better than I could have.

Wow. I needed this today. It was so timely.

The ones I find, usually ghost me, and I'm the one ending up frustrated. This problem goes both ways, but I feel it's worse for men, because girls usually have many guys orbiting them.

I’ve watched 6 of your videos back to back- you are incredible! Thank you!!

This is a brilliant channel. Thanks ❤️

Nobody can do anything to you if you don’t allow it! Know your strength.

you are not just a doctor you are an empathic great person.your point of view makes you a gift to mankind .to observe this you really had to be heavily invested in helping people.very great work and i have subscribed to you channel.

If they start the random hot/cold thing (passive aggressive manipulation) and repeat the behavior they will fail my vetting stage pretty quick. It's a heads up they will act like a 5yo void of empathy when things don't go their way. Hot/cold can also be seen as a s-test "will you put up with my crazy/neurosis" Answer = No.

The very sad and often cruel reality is that women want security and safety but they also want excitement and endless variety - at the same time. Don't hate them for it. It's their biology.

Very well said brother! What I have been thinking and saying for years, only not quite in those words.

Also when she asleeps with the guy she ‘didn’t care about’ and not with the guy she does.

The red pill translation : women make rules for betas and break them for Alphas

Very spot on analysis. I agree. I’ve told women from my past that they can’t control their emotions which pushes men away 🤔

This explains A LOT of what I’ve experienced and am currently experiencing. Thank you.

Until we ALL men, start calling out women's nonsensical behavior and setting boundaries, women WILL find themselves living with their cats and alone.

Love the insight in this, you hit the nail on the head! In some instances, I think this behavior is to psychologically control a man and make him undesirable in the eyes of other women (so she can ultimately be in possession of him), but maybe I'm just paranoid!

Fantastic! Now I bein to understand what's going on with the girl that's supposed to be the love of my life. Never had more eye contact with another person in my life, never had more fun with another girl, never made such a lot of small nice gifts to anyone. Thank you so much!!! Love and peace.

Very detailed review with examples and simple steps to analyze and evolve. Bravo!