I felt every word of what you read aloud. You're right. You're not the only one who's experiencing what you're describing. I realize you already know that, I'm just confirming it. I'll pray for your healing. And that you find what your heart is looking for. Edit: Right after praying, I came across this video. It touched home for me and I get the feeling it could be helpful to you also: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-crNsl6jb6Jw.html