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When I heard that one all I could think of was the video of the lawyer on a zoom court case that had a cat filter on and was assuring the Judge and other lawyer that he really wasn't a cat and was actually a real lawyer.
@@JamesDavis-ps6yy it's plain ignorance for a parent to claim they did a good job when their child is struggling with neurodivergence in a neuro-functional world. Studies are coming out that ADHD is linked to infantile emotional neglect, along with in utero diet and drug use, as well as ACEs in the first one thousand days.
There is a book that claims "all cats are on the autism spectrum" written by Kathy Hoopmann. I didn't read it but the "you can't be autistic because you are a cat" one made me laugh so much, knowing that book exists 😂
It's a great book! It's probably a children's book, but well worth it regardless of the reader's age. My own cat is all the cats in that book, and I'm my cat.
"You're not autistic, you have feelings. Your second cousin has Asperger's and he doesn't have feelings" It was the first and last time I opened up abt that to my grandma. Worst part is when I finally met my cousin and he was just the sweetest kid, smh
honestly, one of the first things i thought when i got my diagnosis was "is anything i feel real?", because to me, autistic people were basically just people without emotions getting in the way of their rational thought, "rational thought machines". imagine what an edgy teen i became after. Also, i was a complete idiot for not asking these questions to my psychiatrist, who might have actually been able to help me with this if i had just said it out loud to him. it was difficult because i thought a lot about "this feeling i have, do i actually have it or did i learn to have it?"... the weirdest answer i got when i said that out loud was "yeah, but that's normal, everyone learns their emotions". and back then i didn't realise this person might need a diagnosis as well, but probably not the same as mine. it was really getting in the way when i had my first real girlfriend ("real" = longer than 4 months) and i was really afraid to tell her i don't know if what i felt was real. having grown up i learned that on one hand, what i felt for her wasn't love, but on the other hand it was real anyway.
My family are the absolute last people I'd feel comfortable opening up to. I'm not likely to ever tell them, and it's because they'd come back with something stupid like that.
"You're actually autistic. I just didn't want you to be treated differently." -my mother I'm 28 and I just learned last year. "You didn't know?" Was the most common response. Everyone apparently knew, except me. Thanks, lifelong friends... that stung... it definitely fed into my lifelong fear that I might be cognitively disabled and everyone was hiding it from me. Thanks, assholes... 😂😂😂
As a kid my brothers used to call me the R word on a daily basis, I felt so different and alien compared to other people I genuinely believed that must be the truth and everyone was lying to me to make me feel better. Just thought I would say you weren't the only one.
I remember as a kid being studied by psychologists. There was one part of the study where they showed me a room full of a bunch of kids playing through a window (maybe a two sided mirror?) and the psychologist said “look at all those kids having fun. Do you want to go play with them?” and I said no. I knew that was the wrong answer and I had failed the test 😩 that memory makes me think that I was probably diagnosed as a young child and my parents failed to tell me, hoping I’d outgrow it. That was in the early 80s when autism wasn’t as well known.
Ooh, stubborn. Is it quite a common thing for the obstinacy of autistic children to be regularly remarked upon (rather than mischief etc.). There was a little rhyme that I heard, a lot, growing up: "There was a little girl, who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good. When she was bad she was horrid." I think it's about an autistic child!
"you're not autistic, you don't rock back and forth" (=_=;) it's amazing how many things we learn NOT TO DO, to appear "normal" for the sake of others.
А я раскачиваюсь. И не могу долго общаться с людьми, делаю паузы в речи там, где я знаю, они не должны быть, потому что думаю что сказать. Ужасно боюсь смотреть людям в глаза, боюсь мужчин всех, но в разной степени. Женщин тоже, если они на меня смотрят. Моя тётя вечно удивляется тому, что я обращаю внимание на странные и, в её понимании, неважные вещи, а на важные нет. Но у меня нет диагноза, так что пока всё это - просто моя "изюминка", хаха
"You can't be autistic, you're too sexy." "Hey! I mean thanks. I mean Hey!" 😂 Excellent response. Caught me off guard. I had to pause the video there because I was laughing too much
That was excellent. My reaction would be much less funny: in the unlikely event that I realize that someone is flirting with me, I usually go into panic/freeze mode. Thankfully it only happened to me 2 or 3 times, and I’m old for it now. 👍
I focus on peoples noses. Anybody that I know I know him by their nose , and I tell people do not ask me what I think of your nose , you may not want the honest answer.😂😂😂😂😂 After I was diagnosed, my mom asked me. Is that the reason you notice everybody's noses to avoid eye contact? I Exclaimed happily that's exactly why!
Two things I hate to people finding out that I’m autistic: 1. “You can’t be autistic because…” 2. “Ahh….yeah that makes sense. I always thought you were a little off.” I’ve just stopped telling people at this point. None of their business.
@@Dezzyyx Dunno about you, but the fact that I'm "a little off" for reasons I couldn't explain is exactly the thing that drove me to a diagnosis. If you're autistic you shouldn't seem completely normal to everyone around you, because you're not normal.
I agree. Personally I don't mind being "a little off", I think in this context it's more about the perspective, like the other person is doing the judging. They only stated they always felt you were a little off, not how they feel about you being a little off, so it's hard to know the implicit meaning in that statement. When you first get a diagnosis you might be vulnerable like that, to know is it OK to be "a little off" to people around me. Now that you finally got the answer and want to accept that, in turn want acceptance for it. @@jliller
66. You can't be autistic. You have a good vocabulary. You aren't non verbal. 67. You can't be autistic. You don't have tantrums in public. 68. You can't be autistic. You're just like many of our relatives. 69. You can't be autistic. You don't flap your arms. I could go on and on.
@@Jeanelle_Art oh my stars! Same here! I thought my arm flapping was a tic that I could hold in until I was in the privacy of my room... Then a traumatic conversation with my step father led to uncontrollable flapping, to which he told me to stop... 😐
@@audreydoyle5268 It's only been in the last year that I realized that I do in fact hand flap when I get really frustrated. I manage to avoid it in public, though I have done it in front of other individuals. I know what you mean about tics...one of the things that fuels bouts of imposter's syndrome is that most of my stims come out in a Tourette's-like quality (I never doubt my GAD dx, I notice). But I am SO self conscious about stimming if anyone could possibly see me.
2:18 as an autistic person I constantly throw my garden furniture into a pool.Each week I buy new garden furniture and hurl it into the pool at the speed of light just to feel alive.
I knew a kid with autism who actually did this. Was kinda annoying because everyone at the pool at my moms friends house started thinking I would to the same type of things due to also having autism so I was always watched way more closely and people wouldn’t let me near the chairs or umbrella
@@risktheanimator6592 Ok thats depressing you arent treated as different person but else it slounds harmless fun. I guess just get plastic garden furniture.
That is just the wrong way to do it. You are doing it backwards. You are supposed to grab the pool and throw that into your garden furniture... makes more sense.
all I heard was people's egos saying, "you can't be autistic, because if you are, then I don't understand autism. and if I don't understand autism, I have to worry about if I am autistic."
The very first time I ever suspected I might be Autistic. I was asked "can you read a room?" I said yes, and literally over a decade later finally realized I had no idea what that question meant.
@@pain.497 not sure if you still need the explanation for this one, but I think what people mean by this question is if you can feel and understand the vibe, emotions, people's face expressions/body language, and the overall atmosphere of the room
I just get that my sibling has it worse than me, or basically anyone the person can think of in that moment, just to make a point that someone, somewhere, has it worse than me. Very important to make that clear.
I must admit that "You're not autistic, you're just a scorpio" is one of the worst things that have ever been said to me, and I've been called slurs more tjan once.
everyone knows that if the child realizes that they are about to be born in november and they have autism they just decide to sit in the womb till december
Wow, an autistic Scorpio. The struggle is real. I'm an autistic Leo so I never know whether I'm being very self conscious and socially awkward or just making it all about me again. 😅
i talked with my mom about autism and how be both could be autistic and we both found so many things about autism in ourselves so that we just ended the conversation with pointing at each other and shouting "AUSTISM!"
Oh, I'm guilty of 63. "You're just like me". When my best/only childhood friend got diagnosed as autistic + ADHD as an adult, I was like "Why are you getting this diagnosis if between the both of us you are the "normal/social/extroverted" one?" Some years later I got my diagnosis.
My girlfriend was the one that did this for me. She had just figured out that she is autistic, and as she started listing all her reasons and childhood experiences I was pretty much shellshocked lmao. Suddenly so much stuff made sense - or rather, I understood why there was so much I felt like I didn’t understand or others didn’t about me.
Something similar happened to me with my boyfriend. I've been telling him I think he has ADHD for a while. But since I'm checking more about autism in women and feeling so identified with it, I've been commenting it with my boyfriend. He first said, no, it's impossible, then as I showed him more characteristics he was like oh well, maybe a bit. Then after a few more he was like: but that's normal no? Everyone does that. And I was like: mmm sure, I never saw my mother or anyone else in my environment do it though, except you and me.
My son's first round of autism testing used the "he can't be autistic because he seeks affection" 6 years later, a different Dr. diagnosed him and said that reasoning was utter nonsense. 10 years since then, and he's still incredibly affectionate with people he knows and likes.
You'll find an egregious amount of people are told complete and utter nonsense at LEAST once when seeking an autism assessment. Even among professionals, autism is very pathologized and very misunderstood, so you'll pretty much always run into at least one professional along the way that says having one trait that's associated with neurotypicals is enough to cancel out an entire DSM criteria worth of traits, which they would find if they were less ignorant.
I have lifelong persistent fear response issues. I’m reasonably sure this is at least partly due to prenatal exposure to high stress hormones. It’s a primary characteristic with a physiological basis. My difficulties with affection and connection are mostly a matter of the behaviors I developed to cope with that physiology, and I would argue that these are secondary characteristics. I suspect there are common patterns of behavior that arise from persistent fear - I think PDA behaviors are an example - but if these behaviors are learned, they are likely to vary with the individual and their circumstance. So where I responded in an unfortunately broad manner - is getting close to anyone safe? - your son may have responded in a more nuanced and appropriate way: strangers may be scary because they are an unknown commodity, but once he knows someone well enough, he is able to put them on the safe list. To coin a phrase, it’s not rocket science: the point of autism life coaching, if done right, is to teach the best available ways to manage one’s physiology. It doesn’t necessarily follow that autistic people only learn terrible coping skills prior to professionals stepping in. Most of us probably learn some tolerable ways of managing ourselves on our own or with help from relatives. The professional prejudice that leads to the kinds of ridiculous statements being recounted in these comments is, I suspect, based on the assumption that autistic people couldn’t possibly have any decent coping skills unless a pro taught them. Sign your kid up for OT, and then making strides is a sign of therapeutic success. Learn some good skills on your own, and you’re “not autistic.” That’s leaving aside other possible variants, like individual neurology. I am not a hugger, but many autistic people are. I know one, and I’m always trying to dodge getting hugged, with very limited success. I wonder sometimes if she is sensory seeking in this area, it feels like it.
I just recently had a friend tell me I can't be autistic because I'm very self-aware. I tried to explain it's a spectrum and he just said "Yes, there's a little more to it than that, but it's mostly self-awareness."
I have been told by mental health professionals that I am very self aware, which is true I think. I’ve also been told that I describe things mechanistically, which is definitely fair. I think to a large degree my self awareness is an autistic trait, a combination of analysis and pattern matching in the absence of as much intuition as some have, and heightened interception with my brain and nervous system. I gather I am not so great at describing my emotions in classic therapeutic terms; I can describe the thought process behind my reactions but not the specific emotions. And I always felt I understood people far better than my father, because my mother taught me about how people think. For a long time I thought I had good intuition as a result, but now I think it’s largely a theoretical base that I built by pattern matching. It’s a fairly functional system, but it rarely helps me much in real time interactions, I still only figure out my mistakes well after the fact. So sure, self aware, but with some big asterisks.
Its not like self awareness can be a pretty common way to try extremely hard fitting in without knowing how, like if you have autism and its like hard, hmm. Also learning to read people is pretty much a surcvival mechanism to read hostile signs, and yeah reading people is learning, autists can for the most part learn that. If its not a random expected to get it and ewxplained , anything can be learned in social skills mostly. Not that its nor harder and that. Bu why the hell wouldnt you be able to learn to read people? It might have even been, a special interest :O
Considering that we need to tweak ourselves constantly to blend and a common Autistic trait is to ruminate and overthink, I don't understand why people think Autists can't be self-aware, we *have* to be in order to function. We need to find our limits and what will mess us up so we can avoid those things.
@marocat4749. Your second para raises an interesting possibility for me. I tried Baron Cohen’s eye expression test some years back, and my main takeaway was that most expressions I found ambiguous I felt to be hostile. I suppose that’s the safest option, and also the most likely response for someone with lifelong persistent fear response.
These comments are funny until they come from a psychiatrist which is supposed to be trained for autism diagnostic and deny diagnostic on criteria like having empathy, being able to make eye contact or being able to speak. Thank you for your videos!
I've come to realize that psych experience or expertise does not equal less ignorance in regards to Autism, these people are sometimes worse with the stuff they say, probably due to wanting to project their authority telling you "what's what". My thing is, I'm so confused, why is it that people who do this as a job aren't up on the knowledge within their field? Super weird. If I was a psychologist or similar you better believe I'd educate myself on something as important as Autism. And how do I not know by now, having the job I do. Like how are you this ignorant, make it make sense.
@@Dezzyyx Some have a hard time telling "I don't know" which as you said causes even more harm. I am playing the devil advocate here but research on autism is moving "fast" these years and it represents only 10 pages over more than 1000 on the DSM, so I don't expect all the psychiatrist to be up to date on the subject. (I only speak about psychiatrist here because where I live psychologist does not necessarily have a phd which means some of them do not even know how to read research papers...). The issue about this is that they use old ideas about autism which means they think they don't see any autistic person and so have no incentive to stay up to date on this subject. This happens with all M.D., when you are curious about your own condition and try to follow research about it you will quickly know more than most doctors on this specific subject.
I agree I don't expect them to know everything, but don't just go by as you say old knowledge or limited knowledge and assume you know what Autism is. @@guitaryska8379
Apparently they don't understand the difference between a clinical setting and reacting in real-world, in real-time. Several studies show autistic persons can easily and properly identify and demonstrate these behaviors _in a clinical setting._
When my mom says 'I don't think you have autism', I explain it to her this way. Autism has different levels of severity like vision impairment. Some people can get by with blurry vision while squinting whereas others are so severe that they need strong myodisc lenses.
Ooh, in the sensory way, it's like being a burn victim. Some people touch a candle flame and get a first degree burn on their finger. But autism feels like living in Dante's inferno.
I really like the way the Neuroclastic article lays it out. Can't post the link (thanks RU-vid) but if you search for "neuroclastic it's a spectrum doesn't mean what you think" it should pop up. I've found it really helpful when explaining different levels of functioning and assistance needs.
Some people are long-sighted, some are short-sighted, some are blind in one eye, some just have reading glasses, some wear sunglasses, some are cross-eyed, some have a lazy eye...
@joe1205 Yes, exactly, and I'm nearsighted with astigmatism and myopic degeneration as well as Autistic lol. Whats sad is the people who aren't actually dealing with ASD dont put actual thought into what it is or how we actually struggle and they just say any ignorant insensitive thing they can pull out their butta to people like us to discredit and dismiss our daily struggles. It's so beyond fruatrating and disappointing 😞
I was diagnosed late at age 23 after having a fight about it with doctors which included "you can't be autistic because you're female", "you haven't displayed any symptoms in autism in thr ten minutes I saw you in your appointment", "you can't be autistic because you are good at things & pick things up fast", "you can't be autistic because you are all there", that last one is particularly horrible because it implies autistic people are somehow less than others & it's so wrong. The specialists also knew I was autistic within 5 mins of meeting me & looking through my info I'd given them, they just had to go through all of the formalities to diagnose
I'm my first autism assessment I got a wonderful assortment: - You didn't go to a "special school" - You have a romantic partner - you're nice - you're smart All this from a psychologist who I emailed to vet beforehand. Wasted my time, insulted me, used words we don't use anymore (e.g. functioning labels), and charged me a huge amount out of pocket. When I later got diagnosed I found our he could have used my health insurance but couldn't be bothered with the paperwork.
I discovered I was autistic after watching "63 common autistic traits you never realised were signs of autism!" Now I've learned 65 reasons why I can't be. Does that means I'm down to -2 reasons why I am autistic?
if you're really really bad at math, it could mean you're a rhinoceros. Yes I know, what are the odds. Well, no idea I guess, with the bad math and all.
-2 is equivalent to 61 in the integers mod 63, so I think that means you're almost completely autistic. But my math may be off, because I'm a girl and therefore I can't possibly be autistic myself.
"You can't be autistic because you can make eye contact" is the first thing I heard from every single therapist Ive been to as soon as I brought up autism.. Boy were they wrong.
"I may be making eye contact but it's like 50% of what I'm thinking about right now and the other 50% is what I'm supposed to be doing with my hands..."
I got told to my face, at an autism discovery center, within mere minutes of meeting the person for my diagnosis, that I was too social to be autistic. They essentially ended up saying “yes all of her symptoms end up mimicking the criteria for autism, but she’s friendly and creative, so no” I’ve also been told by a teacher (who I otherwise loved) with an autistic son that since I don’t flail and have tantrums and am not nonverbal that I couldn’t have autism (I was talking with friends about the fact that I have a lot of symptoms that line up), because apparently autism can only present as someone is used to. Let alone the fact that when my sensory issues get to their max I DO in fact flail and get communication impairments, I just go somewhere private or wait until I’m home because I was bullied for having “anger issues” because of this response to overstimulation.
THIS!! As a child I was stubborn and my mother helped fit my environments to my needs. Inconveniently I managed really well to self-regulate and got by masking 24/7 until I got to the “real world” and suddenly “re-developed” every symptom I’d forgotten as a kid. People don’t understand when I say I literally lose the ability to see, then speak, then move when I’m overwhelmed. There’s a big stigmatism against recurring illnesses especially when they’re mostly invisible to outsiders, even more so when “high-functioning” just means “passably masking”. Sometimes I almost feel NT, most times recently I’ve felt highly disabled.
For many years, I thought of family as people you are around so much that you won’t be able to hide what a disaster you are, and once they realize it, you’ll lose your incentive to try and hide it, and get even worse. I wasn’t diagnosed until after my parents died, and in retrospect I can see that this is basically a bleak description of masking by someone who doesn’t know that they are autistic. (Both my parents were some kind of neurodivergent.) The other things that I think factor in to the reactions you got are a tendency to equate autism with kids, and whether NT or ND, there are obviously differences. And then, rather crudely, the differences between “types” and/or maybe comorbities, depending on how things are viewed. I’ve suspected that I was an Aspie since that criteria was added to the DSM, and when, in my job, I used to sometimes meet autistic kids that were in special needs classrooms, I sensed a kinship, while also knowing that, even as a child, I had much lower support needs. I prefer feeling part of the broader autism community, but these differences make me feel much more prone to imposter’s syndrome than thinking in terms of Asperger’s did. And that’s a view from my part of the inside. Spectrum is still a fairly new idea in a field that is heavily oriented toward a binary yes or no.
Actually it’s common for autistic people to be more creative and my sister who I suspect is autistic is hyper social instead of hypo social. It only matters about the way they socialize/their approach and the intensity of her need for socialization is almost crippling
I usually get really snappy and cold when I'm at my wits end. I used to yell at my mom whenever I was too tired and refusing to do my bedtime routine as a teenager. She'd have to drag me out of my bed for me to brush my teeth and I'd yell at her to leave me alone. I also did this on our trip to Naples last year for Christmas. It got so bad I began loudly crying in our hotel room. I had enough of her crap. I don't usually get overstimulated. I don't have sensory issues apart from getting too cold and always wanting blankets around me. Or being scared of ambulance syrens at night since I was a kid. But whenever people push my buttons or things change too suddently I either get snappy and cold or I cry uncontrollably. And I overall look normal. But you wouldn't say that to someone who cried two years ago because I was told we might get my favourite pizza for me and my mom to split for dinner in Siena and she ended up getting something different for herself. And I was so upset I didn't want anything other than that pizza. Luckily I found a place that sold pizza by the slice and got a big one of the one I wanted so badly. I cried on the phone to my brother who thought I was going crazy disturbing him and his ex while they're there in their hotel room because of pizza. It could've been the most disgusting slice of pizza out there and I still would've eaten it happily. Even if it was dripping with oil everywhere. I got what I wanted and shut up. I had a friend of my mom say I don't look autistic. We met for the first time ever last year. She's Ukrainian just like my mom but still lives there hence why I've never met her. Or maybe I did when I went to Ukraine a few times as a baby. My mom told her she hasn't lived with me enough to truly know and I can't agree more. Also the way I was diagnosed is really interesting. Because nobody in my family had any suspicion. I went in for dyslexia after a teacher suggested me to get tested when I listed my struggles to her. She is also dyslexic. Then once I tested negative I was admitted into therapy for being really skinny and having a suspicion I had an eating disorder. Basically the people that tested me thought something was wrong with me based on my very skinny build. I was never diagnosed with any eating disorder but was instead told about this Aspergers diagnosis by my therapist. She told me what it was. It was sold to me as "a difficulty in socializing" not autism. And I tested somenthing like 100 out of 60 to 120. I wasn't given any help in school as both me and my mom refused as I was doing fine. Because you will end up doing fine if you haven't been diagnosed in your first 16 years. That's all you know. I struggled accepting I was autistic as I didn't see it. And always blamed my behaviours in socializing with past terrible experiences. Like bad friends, toxic friend groups and getting bullied for being the weird kid who picks her nose. And it took a really long time to realize I was part of the extremes club. I was either super friendly. Too friendly and too open and honest. And when that didn't work out in my favour I shut down all communication. But then I was told by outside sources I was never friendly to anyone. I was isolated in my own world. And I probably interacted with other kids because kids usually drag you into anything whether you ask them or not. I mean I once was asked a few things about my personality by ex classmates and I took it too deep and too seriously. It was simple things to find out my zodiac sign. But this dumbass said "Well I'm an extroverted introvert due to an issue I was diagnosed with" to the simple question of are you an extrovert or introvert. Also I saw my therapist for a while two years ago due to some struggles and she told me I changed a lot and got a lot better in my ways. That I have better eye contact and over all opened up a lot. This usually happens for me when I gain confidence with people. I become more myself the more I know someone. And thinking about it now makes me want to cry. It feels so good to be told you changed for the better and people can see that. I take what she said as a good thing as she looked happy of my changes. I don't mask really as I never had to mask in my life being that I passed as normal for so long. But this feels amazing to hear and feel.
@@winterwithawhyknudsen5166Ever since I was a kid I always had a strong incline towards anything crafty. My passion for crafty things was so bad I ended up getting paper detention at my own home. Either because I was wasting so much recycled paper (basically paper my mom would bring from work with one side printed on and the other empty). Or because I was making too much waste and too much mess with it. It started by making paper garlands and decorations. To drawing people, then origami, sewing, scrapbooking, baking, knitting, crocheting etc. Of all of those I sometimes still do origami or general paper crafts, I still knit and crochet but more sparingly, I sew one piece of clothing a moth and I own a good sewing machine and a seamstress adjustable dress form/mannequin. I still bake: my best bakes so far are custard filled fruit tarts, bread and fried doughnuts. And I draw more professionally. I draw with regular pencils (not coloured), this summer I made my first guache painting of a naked woman (I know) half covered by water that everyone likes as it's quite an impressive piece I like to show off to guests. And they all look surprised knowing I made it myself. I also do digital art sometimes. I've made a few speedpaints and posted them on here. And I forgot to mention that I actually wear most of the clothes I make outside for the world to see. And I've made some for my mom. So I did it all. Basically. Autistic people can be hyper creative due do hyperfocusing tendencies. Some autistic folk like transportation. I like doing things with my hands and seeing what others think of what I do. Also to add to your comment it seems to me at least that autistic people are usually the extreme as I said in my other comment here. We're usually either too much or too little hence our inconsistencies. As in: "Struggles with eye contact" could mean too much eye contact, forced eye contact or no eye contact at all. "Normal people" are in between, we're not. To further add I also do beadwork and make my own jewellery sometimes with wire work. I've said all of those things to someone once in a game. Basically it was a game with some old people we were visiting at the Alzheimer's café. Where you had to tell them things about you and they had to do the same. Then you had to tell out loud to everyone what the other person told them. And the lady said to everyone all that I do and ended this by saying (this actually happened it's not a joke or made up): "She's wife material" I guess because she's old school and I enjoy cooking and making things with my hands.
The childhood trauma one is wild because it's really hard to grow up autistic in our society and *not* get some childhood trauma. I don't think I know a single autistic person who doesn't have at least a bit.
The hard part is trying to recognize what is “real” trauma and what is just events I’ve been “overdramatic” about. (Yes I have been called overdramatic most of my life, so I dont know what counts as real trauma). I grew up in a good home, food on the table, comfortable place to sleep. I was neglected in all of my emotional development though. Never taught how to calm down from big emotions, anytime I got too emotional I was yelled at and sent to my room to deal with it on my own. But I dont know if I can call that trauma, since others don’t believe it is.
@@doid4354 Trauma does not need to impress other people to be trauma. Anything that was particularly difficult for you and that has lasting ramifications on the way that you view yourself and/or the world counts as trauma. It's really a matter of your response to it more than it is the events themselves. And the sorts of things that will cause autistic people trauma are sometimes different from the sorts of things that will cause allistic people trauma. Childhood emotional neglect and the repeated belittling of your emotions can definitely count. And other people dismissing or mocking your trauma does not make it not trauma. It just makes them shitty.
exactly, being autistic lends itself to traumatic experiences, especially with social circles as a kid and for me personally not understanding how to communicate properly. before i learned how to mask, this was even worse. i only learned because of that trauma
I have no firsthand experience with this, obviously - but I’ll note that I’ve started following a young autistic woman on RU-vid lately, and she did a video on her childhood autistic traits a short while ago. She commented that it was just crazy that no one picked up on her autism as a child, and the examples she gave, while not that problematic to, say, teachers, I would nonetheless agree should have been obvious...but: she posted a picture of herself at maybe age 6 (? I’m no good at judging kids’ ages), and on reflection I realized she was a classically cute, pretty little girl with a very nice smile. I have a feeling that’s the single biggest involuntary mask for some young girls: pretty is considered synonymous with perfect, and of course, if someone is “perfect,” they couldn’t possibly be (gasp) autistic...right? So any evidence of unusual behavior probably gets ascribed to being quirky and cute, unless it’s considered antisocial by adults. There are upsides to being attractive, but there are certainly downsides too, at least for women.
@@jimwilliams3816so does the same thing happen with autistic kids who are good students/overacheivers? like people not thinking they could be autistic because they aren't misbehaving or bad at school
This is a surprisingly important video for people like me who are for now only self diagnosed, but is struggling to trust ourself bc of people close to us denying it with stuff like this. I’m already super critical towards what I think and over-analyse so it was pretty hard to say I thought I was autistic, so when my mom denied it, it made me too unsure to even engage with the community. But seeing videos like this where you dont have to show every extreme sign there is to be valid, and all the others in the comments who also had parent(s) who didnt believe it rlly helps. I think this might even be the first time I’m able to say that I’m autistic like this. It also helped me realise I don’t need a diagnosis. I keep wanting getting one, expecting all validation to come with it, but no one should rlly need that to be able to feel valid. This has become a bit of a rant, but thx
Usually, when you heavily suspect you are autistic it is because you are! It took me until I was 19 to get an official diagnosis, but I had heavy suspicions since, like, late elementary school~early middle school. So just know that you're valid despite what anyone might say :3
I'm too old to give a sh... what other people think. I tried telling some friends I was autistic, and it went over like a lead balloon. It's not that they don't see that I have problems, but they accommodate these in their own ways. I don't ever bring it up any more. I'm self-diagnosed, have taken a few tests, and am usually about 2 points into the normal spectrum. However, the autistic traits that I do have have been life-defining, and I don't feel like I need to explain these things to other people. I have gotten a lot out of the RU-vid sites on autism, and some of this I have been able to apply in a really helpful way, so that's enough for me.
I’m too old to bother fighting to find someone to diagnose me. My area is small and even the next bigger city doesn’t have much in the way of help etc… I have self diagnosed using online tests, reading and of course watching youtube videos. Wish this info had been available 30 years ago. It would have made a difference to me at that time in my life. At least now I know what is what!
In my case, it's quite the opposite: It took 40 years to convince my parents that I'm not autistic, which in their mind would explain in acceptable terms why I am so weird, disappointing, lonely and poor.
Unfulfilled expectations, wasted potential, that resonates with many of us, and hurts so bad. Be a friend to yourself and treat yourself with kindness. Give yourself a break. It's OK. You've done great. We've had so much more to overcome than others, and it was internal, invisible and misunderstood. You matter, you are enough, you are there already. You can let go and set free 💚
I "can't be" autistic ... because I can maintain eye contact during a conversation, ... because I'm too articulate, ... because I'm an adult female, ... because I "only have PTSD," ... because I can recognize other people's emotions ... and the list just keeps growing. It wasn't until nearly 50 years of age that I discovered the primary reason why my entire life in general was ... "weird," ... why I can feel sound, sometimes painfully, ... why I can either turn off all auditory receptivity, or be entirely unable to tune out any background noises, or hear all the extra noises at the same intensity and therefore be unable to focus in and hear what someone is saying. ... why I feel like the only person who didn't get a copy of the script or Handbook of Things to Talk About. ... why I prefer discussions and storytelling over small talk. ... why words get stuck before they can get through my mouth (really: I hate it when my mouth appears pucker-stuck in mid-syllable when I lose the word I thought I wanted to say and I have to pause and find it again!), or when I ^know^ what something is but my brain sends the wrong word to my mouth. (I know what image matches the word ladybug, but sometimes my brain sends out the word "butterfly" when I know I am clearly looking at a ladybug. And what's up with swapping the words Purple and Orange?! It's always that pair of color words.) ... why it's hard to tell the difference between someone stating something true or using dry sarcasm, yet I can speak with dry sarcasm only briefly until I can no longer hold back a chuckle and reveal the humorous intent. ... why forced air feels abrasive -- motorized fan, air conditioner, hand-surfing out the car window (that's the worst yet!) ... why I feel terribly uncomfortable with sitting very close to the screen at the movie theater. I am compelled to back away about ten rows so I can process all that enormous visual stimulus and be able to notice all the things that everyone else will miss. ... why I notice all the (obvious) things that no one else notices... or are they just oblivious? ... why I always have to H-I-J-K to remember if K is before or after L in the alphabet... yes, Always those two letters! ... why I still sometimes forget the result of multiplying 6×8. Yes, specifically that set of numbers. .... why I can feel everyone's emotions and be unable to contain mine comfortably -- they all get so full and intense that they leak out of my eyes and choke my voice, regardless of happy, sad, ecstatic, furious, relieved... and it confuses onlookers. Also why I get so hyperfocused that I forget to eat, or drink water, or notice that my brain and body need sleep.... like right now, when it's past my bedtime and I'm thirsty and still very much awake and oversharing in a very long comment on a RU-vid video about my most recent Special Interest. So, that said... I'll step away and drink some water and put myself to bed now. ❤🧠
@@AnnabethOwl I don't mind it so much on my hands, the noise is worse for me. I don't like forced air on my face the most. But I can see it would be a pain. Sometimes I dry my hands on my pants
@@girlsaurusrex7257 lol same. I‘m like mildly picky but my brain will randomly decide it does not want a certain food rn and if I try to make myself eat it, I just can‘t. Broccoli is delicious tho 🥦
Had a psychiatrist tell me I wasn't autistic: I just had social anxiety and a mood disorder, both of which I told her at the beginning of the call. The next psychiatrist gave me a diagnosis of autism. 🤷🏻♀️
my (ex-)therapist gives me an autism test, i get a high result, in the next 10 minutes she says i'm not autistic then we go to my mom and the therapist tells her i might be autistic and then she proceeds to go back and forth between "you're autistic" and "you're not autistic"
Had a similar experience. Disclosed my ADHD beforehand and instead of looking further into my autistic sides she said „it‘s all just your ADHD“. A waste of time but more so a hurtful experience that I really didn‘t need to have.
Even from loved ones, acquaintances, co-workers, & friends, I’ve gotten, “We’re ALL a little bit autistic.” Umm, no, that’s not true. That just shoots down reality & prevents people from understanding what it really is. It makes me sad when they say that. It’s as if they’re implying I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.
Yeah, that really is a dumb statement - if we’re all autistic to a degree then there wouldn’t actually be a diagnosis, because that would be the natural state of society. Who would go to the doctor if they weren’t struggling to fit in or function due to neurological differences with their peers? They might recognise they have some traits that line up with autism symptoms, but their experience of that trait/symptom could be miles apart from how any particular neurodivergent person might experience it. For example, there’s a big difference between being a bit irritated or annoyed by a label in your clothing, and having to cut every last piece of it out because you feel like it’s burning your skin.
I think these words really downplay how difficult something can be for an autistic person, compared to others who don’t REALLY struggle. And doesn’t it also imply that we have something morally wrong with us because “hey, everyone is a bit autistic, and if everyone else can manage life with that trait, you’re just lazy if you don’t”?
The rejection letter when I applied for disability benefits said “you say you’re autistic but you’ve worked in busy offices” as if the repeated stress of work over time wasn’t the main reason I ended up so stressed, I’ve had fatigue for five years 😒
“You can’t be autistic, you’re too functional” 🤣🤣 My therapist dropped that one on me after reading me the DSM and me saying “yeah that all hits close to home”
There's this mental hangup a lot of people have that anyone who is functional can't possibly have anything wrong with them. It's an epidemic of denial, and not just about autism.
Legit my therapist when I talked about wanting to get diagnosed with OCD. I have terrible intrusive thoughts and make correlations with things that I shouldn't. I get terrible anxiety when I buy something, then learn that it's part of a set and I don't have the whole set. All of my books need to be in paperback, because having just one or two hardback books makes me feel physically ill when I see them and how they don't coordinate with the others. But because I don't compulsively clean or have daily rituals, I don't have OCD. It's impossible 🙄
@@aynDRAWS Without regular rituals/tics it's not really OCD. 1. Intrusive thoughts: can be caused by autism, ADHD, or anxiety as well as OCD. 2. Nonsensical correlations: seems like something that could happen with autism. (Consider the above average number of autistics who are conspiracy theorists.) 2. All books same format/size: this can just be autistic fixations on symmetry.
@@aynDRAWS I looked up the OCD types as you suggested. I still find it really find it difficult to separate some of these from other conditions. In the absence of ritual behaviors , the presence of ASD and/or ADHD seem sufficient explanations, even for pure obsessional / Big O. For example, I have serious problems with "doubt and double-checking" especially with regard to locking my car doors and rolling up my car windows. But I should. My ADHD means terrible short term memory, especially regarding routine task like locking a door that I lock multiple times every day which requires little to no conscious thought. Furthermore, over the course of two decades, there have been a few occasions when I absentmindedly left my window down in broad daylight at college or overnight outside my house. I lack confidence in my short term memory because it IS unreliable. That's not OCD; it's self-awareness. Another example: I'm often worried about my body odor, despite regular bathing (unlike some people with ASD or ADHD, I don't got days without showering). But I have good reason to be. I have always sweat very easily, even when I was a scrawny teenager. I can't wear antiperspirant due getting allergic skin reactions to it. So I should be more worried about how I smell than the average person. Now if you don't have other ASD or ADHD symptoms, especially if the obsessions don't have a rational basis, THEN I would say OCD makes sense despite an absence of ritual behaviors. But that's just my opinion; I'm not a psychologist.
I went to a so called “autism expert” for an assessment a couple years ago, and was told that I couldn’t be autistic because I had childhood trauma! I argued that they hadn’t been thorough enough in their assessement, and then they asked, “why do you want to be autistic?” 🤦♀️
Yep, had similar experiences with ADHD "specialists" for ADHD. Some were pretty disgusting about it, even being outwardly condescending and mocking. At this point i'm convinced 90% of psychiatrists, psychologists and specialists, aren't worth jack shit.
I am autistic and have adhd. I was also s*xuall6 abused as a child and my mum left me with my abuser when I was 13 years old as a 'consolations prize' when she left him for another man and disappeared from her children's lives for 2 years. So at 53 yo I get diagnosed but only after arguing with MH professionals that it was t just childhood trauma. It's a common known fact that ND children are more likely to suffer from childhood trauma and also that the being ND is genetic so it's likely that your parents weren't exactly coping well with the world and didn't know how to deal with their own trauma so it ended up being passed to you. We seriously need to start identifying individuals who are ND and traumatised so that we can make life better for our children. I was a bad parent, even though I loved my kids, because I couldn't understand myself and didn't know how traumatised I was so all of my weaknesses and triggers were passed on to my ND children as trauma. I feel like crap about it but when you know no better than you will do no better. Though I have some pride that my kids are 'better' and had less obvious trauma than I did growing up...but that doesn't mean that I didn't traumatise them too
no one who goes for assessment should tell about trauma.. the problem is most people who are ND have had been victims of abuse. it a correlation, not causation. woops, big vocabulary: not autistic.
These were said to me by an "expert" I was referred to by the Jobcentre, when it became apparent that possible autistic traits were holding me back from getting a job: You're not autistic because you're too well dressed. ...you don't have a problem with personal hygiene. ...you show some awareness of other people's personal space. I said I'm very much aware of personal space because it makes me uncomfortable when other people encroach on mine. "Ah," he said, "but you could be protective of your own personal space, while still invading other people's." I'm not quite sure I follow the logic of that. If you don't like other people being too close to you, you don't put yourself close to other people.
63 🤣🤣🤣 I was told, by a mental health professional "You can't be autistic, you talk to people about things that interest you". Other real life comments from professionals I heard "...you have baths" and "...you can sit in a chair". Horrifying to think these people are certified and getting paid when they are so deeply ignorant.
you cant be autistic because you have good eyecontact.. yes after over 50 years of working on that! when I was a child - in my 20s I did not have eyecontact. I talked to the wall and my friends told me I was weird. but I was told I now have too good eyecontact to be autistic...
normal people use it to read and underlying meaning and intention, as a lot can be expressed through body language not just words. People use their hands, eyes, face, posture etc to convey meaning, some more explicit than others, some is conscious some is unconscious. The former would be glaring at you to say "I'm angry with you and I want you to see that". The latter could be someone looking down as they feel insecure. @@willowtree9291
I got told by a dr that he thinks that I'm "an anxious young lady" that "talked myself into having autism". Basically saying that I was too anxious and convinced myself that the answer to my problems is being autistic 🙄
Legitimately, one time a girl told me, “you don’t look autistic! You’re pretty!” And when I asked her what she thought autistic people looked like, she began describing the symptoms of Down’s syndrome 🤦
I've told two people about me being autistic, and got hit with the 'oh but you're so smart' response both times. There's a reason I've only told two people.
A friend of mine (who has a psych degree) told me I wasn't autistic. My guess is he thought I was too smart, funny, or seemingly capable. Now I don't want to bring it up to anyone. Even my therapist isn't specifically educated in autism, so I just have trauma and a high ACE score.
Yeah. I was recently denied by the intake lady because I obviously didn't have any trouble with eye contact. Which is a bit disingenuous, seeing as how we were on a video conference. One, it's not in person. Two, the webcam is usually offset from the screen, especially if you're on a desktop. Three, I actually do if I'm under stress, and even when I'm not, I occasionally flick my eyes to look at the other person and then look at other stuff. Four, she suggested I might be Aspergers, which is a DSM IV diagnosis fer cryin' out loud. Also I'm 66 yo. I don't know how that figures in but apparently it's relevant. She gave me a referral for depression and anxiety and I've ignored it. I'm tired of therapy that doesn't work and of the medical community gaslighting me.
My eyes literally tear up if I make actual eye contact. I appear to make really good eye contact but I've developed a shutter like mechanism in my brain. It's like a protective glass panel sits between us when I look at someone's eyes while we are talking. It's masking somehow. I can look at someone's eyes but I can't actually make eye contact without it being physically painful.
@@flyleafrpgwo4008 My mother, without being aware of my autism, basically trained me to look in the general direction of peoples' faces, even though I don't actually register what I'm looking at when I do it. Thus, one more masking behavior, one I have mixed feelings about.
Thank you for doing this. I have a boyfriend who I recognized many traits that my sister had. As I listen to you, I realize, that my granddaughter, my daughter, her husband, and of course, myself all have a variety of these characteristics. I've sent this to all of them for us to help with communication, understanding, and support of each other. You are a blessing to our family and this world!!!
Literally, words from my psychiatrist: "you can't be autistic you're making perfect eye contact with me". Actual words from my psychologist: "you can't be autistic. My son is autistic and he was always lining things up as a kid". Well, alrighty then. Both of these women are over 45. It makes me wonder how much continuing education is being offered by our Healthcare systems.
@marocar4749 maybe...on the one hand, if I were a cat, I’d be a far superior life form to that which I am now. On the other hand, if I were a domestic cat, I’d be dependent on...yikes!...human beings. :)
Or: You’re not autistic, because you’re normal. I was very confused by that one, especially considering that they have told me that I’m weird on numerous occasions…
When we're acting OK they call us normal, as soon as we step out of line we're weird and need to change our behavior. They either dismiss our difference or condemn it, but they seem to oscillate between the two and never quite getting that we're acting weird because we are different, not because we are normal people who just happen to act weird or improper.
I’m in a very privileged position with getting diagnoses and support, but it took 7 years to figure out I had an autism diagnosis (before that they incorrectly thought it was bipolar). and to even GET that I had to fight for a diagnosis and PROVE I had it bc I didn’t have “normal symptoms”. for example, most people think of a lack of empathy, but I’m the opposite and have too much. autism wasn’t even something they ever considered until I brought it up. I got the diagnosis, but it took a LONG time. I have no idea how hard it would be for someone without the money or privilege like I do.
:( Also the empathy is bs, like that definitions defines empathy as !ability to communicate empathy" not being able to relate to someones distress. which apearently is a psychiatric term, But used, empathy very much is not that, but relating to somewones others distress, which by having to learn to read people the hard way ans engagem, and lack of filter, autists usually do way way more. And the most people arent psychiatrists i guess so, wtf on them. Feeling isnt the same as being able to communicate it.
it can be such an annoying stereotype as well, because it's like, no.. for some reason in many NT people's minds, the only kinds of autism that exist are very high support needs paired with an intellectual disability, or absolute savant.
I had this struggle as ive gotten older. I get better and better at both masking, and just plain being more mature and better able to restrain myself. So when someone asks what some weird behaviors I might have that point towards autism, now I have to act it out to show what I would do if I wasn't trying to always hold stuff back Its a weird spot to be in. Knowing what I have the instinct to do and choosing not to do it then that being a basis for dismissing the autism (understandably so)
And the few autism based behaviors that we do choose to let show are confusing enough to nurotypical people that they draw much more bizarre conclusions about us than autism. As an example: Executive function is something that I struggle with. Choosing what to wear can sometimes seem almost impossible to me. Having sensory issues makes that even more difficult for me. So I have found clothes suitable for different weather types that are mostly comfortable to me. I bought multiples of each. And all of what I wear is black. That way all I have to decide is what temperature to dress for and grab the appropriate set of clothes. I try not to fuss over my hair too much either or it can overwhelm me. I choose to go natural, which is now about half white. And I keep it long so I can put it up when it's hot outside. My neighbors do notice that I always wear black and have long graying hair. But rather than assume that there is a reasonable explanation or ask why I look the way I do they draw their own conclusions. One of my neighbors was trying to find out what religion I am. Come to find out, what he really wanted to know was whether he was right about my being a witch. 😂😂😂 Sorry dude. I'm just autistic.
1:14 "You talk too much" that's actually ADHD, and as someone who has Autism and ADHD, I can confirm that Autistic people who talk too much exist (I know this video is satire, but I just wanted to add that)
it's also incredibly subjective even for people with just autism. If you get any autistic person talking about their special interest, they're likely to stray into the realm of "too much".
These are insane! Some of these thoughts could just be solved with basic research on ASD. Love the videos. I love learning what I can to help my daughter.
I think saying I am a Disabled Veteran gets a worse response (contempt) than what I get when I say I am Autistic (eye rolls). I haven't told many people that I'm both.
what kind of actual asshole do you have to be to look down on disabled veterans?? I'm sorry you feel contempt for that when you should be shown care and respect
Lord, I had hoped we were past that. I'm sorry. When I was a kid during the Viet Nam war, it was too common to express displeasure with the war by scorning service people. I thought most everyone had learned better, and knew to show respect and thank vets for their service. I thank you. And for what it's worth, the one place I have always felt my government should never cut corners in any way is veteran's benefits, especially for anyone who is disabled. Nothing makes me crazier than having asked somebody to put their mind and body on the line for their country, and then try to stiff them in any way. Whatever you need, you should be getting. (I realize you may not be in the US, but all of the above sentiment applies wherever you are.)
You should tell people you are both then say something amusingly outrageous (and probably made up) about being given access to munitions and fire arms just to mess with their contempt and preconceived ideals.
My mother's were 30 (you can't be autistic, you have empathy), "you can't be autistic, you're too much like me", and "you can't be autistic, you just have a hormonal imbalance." I don't.
My daughter didn’t get a diagnosis because she was too articulate and was able to explain her problems “almos like an adult”!!!! I tried to tell her that that is one of the defining traits of “high functioning autism” and then she laughed in my face.
Legitimate. I was an early speaker. Around 18 months I'd form full, articulate sentences, just rarely and quietly cause I was very shy. Early than typical milestones is a lesser known hallmark of autism
@@audreydoyle5268 I gather I started reading early -- I wish I knew when I started speaking. I have this vivid visual/word memory of having my diapers changed. I can see the light overhead and the red table, and I recall thinking these words: "why don't I know where I am, or who these people are?" I'm not sure exactly how old I was, but it feels like I was rather young to have formed that sentence in my mind. I wonder if I wrote the text in my head later, on recollection, but it doesn't feel that way.
@@jimwilliams3816 I remember being a diaper-age infant, hearing snippets of conversation about my childhood friend getting his diaper changer. Apparently it was "sandy", whatever *that* means. Edit: also remember my first birthday party, which is impressive considering how sleepy I was.
I told my psychiatrist about my new autism diagnosis, assesed by an experienced psychologist who specializes in diagnosing high masking women. It was a very long, detailed process. Psychiatrist then told me that because I draw portraits I can't be autistic because looking at the human face involves interpersonal intimacy. He didn't ask, but I assume he thought I draw a person standing in front of me. I use reference photos...sorry, still autistic:)
you should check your psychiatrist methodology, because (I also found out kinda late) majority is doing CBT which is very much not recommended for autistic people in the first place. (if the claim wasn't red flag enough to try finding someone better)
That's bollocks in any case. I used to do caricatures on occasion (granted, I found it nerve wracking). Like any other type of drawing, I tended to treat it as an exercise in observation and analysis. I never found it the least bit intimate, it was a lot like doing a still life. And most of the time I would be looking at the paper anyway, one reason I always drew so much.
"looking at the human face involves interpersonal intimacy" I mean... that's kind of a very neurotypical point of view, if you think about it. Certainly not how it is for me. I've always liked drawing and while as a child I drew a lot of animals, now I often focus on people and especially faces and their expressions. I just find that really fascinating and I think that actually has a lot to do with my difficulties understanding people and their interactions because that is exactly what I ended up paying most attention to as to try to learn how to read people better. Because for some reason they just can't say what they exactly mean outright but you also can't just ask them directly because that's considered rude or makes them uncomfortable. So as a teenager I read all these books to try to understand body language and facial expressions so I could better understand people. It became quite a fascination for me and now I find it just very interesting what can be said with just changing a few tiny pencil strokes in specific areas of the face, how it can change the whole meaning and interpretation of the person or the situation they are portrait in. But much of this process is rather quite analytical and structured, so it doesn't really feel intimate for me or anything (and also I draw mostly from my imagination and don't have real people in front of me).
Even though I don't have an official diagnosis, once I started considering that I might have ASD, I've been so much happier! Not only does it explain a lot of my gender issues (I'm transgender but I don't necessarily experience body dysphoria), I also realized just how much I mask, autistic or not. As soon as I stopped trying to mask, I noticed little things about myself that I didn't even know. I stim and wave my hands when I'm particularly excited or happy. I'm horribly blunt and come off as rude to people who don't know me. I think the only reason I can communicate with people as well as I do is because my special interest is language, so I love figuring out just the right word for a given situation. I hope to officially get diagnosed one day, but for now I'm just happy to be living in my own skin. A lot of these things I realized only after I transitioned to the point that most people see me as male. There is definitely a horrible stigma against women who show signs of autism, but for men, it's just "boys being boys"
*explaining to my mum what autism is because i suspect my 4 years old sister to possibly have ASD* "Oh, is it really autism or are you just talking about yourself?" -My mum I have never felt like that before
Related topic, my last psychiatrist told me that i couldn't have ADHD (he accepted the autism diagnosis readily enough, ironically) because, by the time a person with adhd became an adult, they'll have developed enough coping mechanisms that they no longer need treatment, so he was going to stop my meds. Suffice to say, that was my first and last appointment with him, and several months later, i found out he had been booted from the program. He wasn't a newbie, either. Edit: spelling.
did they mean emotionally for physically? I could see people believing that in the emotional sense because a lot of people think people with autism can't feel sympathy, but physically makes absolutely no sense
@@python4233 yeah, it's like the negative completely cancelled out the positive. People assume ALL aspies are incapable of empathy, when it's only a portion of those with Alexithymia. Even some autistic people with Alexithymia can have empathy for others, but not themselves.
The wildest dialectic experience is being told you are a warm and empathetic person but inside you are cold and clinical and capable if imagining pretty grotesque shit. But there's no way I'm autistic I'm queer.
"Youre not autistic, you were fine as a kid." - me telling all my friends i dont want friends (because it was too hard) - me describing feelings of alexythemia - lots of special interests - refusing to speak at age 7
Went for a professional diagnosis last year. When we got the report back, it said my vocabulary and social skills were above average for "even a neurotypical person," therefore I wasn't autistic.... My psychiatrist looked at the report, looked at me, and went, "Why on earth is *that* the criteria?" Two of my special interests, by the way, are writing and sociology.
I had a counsellor from the dutch centre for autism say that if i saw a crying child, if i was autistic i would just walk by them because i wouldnt know what to do with the crying. Me when theres a crying child: Whats wrong? Can I help? Am I allowed to help? Should I step in? (If its bullying) 1000+ other questions regarding consequences and social appropriateness... Standing there watching like a total creep not knowing what's OK to do, but stuck in solver mode. If theres a problem I want to solve it. Not ignore it.
You can’t be autistic, you’re just not used to human contacts anymore cause of Covid isolation… Yeah, being isolated so long destroyed all my years of practicing fitting in…😢 Geneticist: you can’t be autistic, you look too comfortable with social interactions. Me: sweating profusely and shaking…
Hello! I am currently trying to learn more about myself and autism, I've nearly ruined a relationship with my significant other and I've been trying to learn as best I can to try and improve how I react to certain things, we're taking a break and I'm taking an opportunity to work on myself and meet my own needs while being aware of what the people I love need from me. I love my partner very much but sometimes its hard to understand my emotions and theirs so I thank you very much for your knowledge and easy access to said knowledge, you're making the world an easier place to understand and live in because of the time you put into these videos, thank you again. If you see this, I would appreciate any feedback or advice, whether it be a video link or just a few words of encouragement, but it isn't necessary! Good luck to you and your channel!
Yeah, I got the "you can't be autistic because you can express your emotions". The doctor asked my how I'm doing at the beginning of the appointment, and obviously I answered that too well.
First of all, Paul, thank you for all your hard work, for your empathy and for always standing up for all of us. Second, I had an assessment last week and here are the things the psychologist (who took less than 3 hours talking to me to come to these conclusions, or should I say biases?) told me why I can‘t be autistic: -I have more than one friend -I‘ve had more than one romantic relationship (she specifically said I would have stayed in a relationship even if it was a really bad one for the sake of keeping a routine. So sad) -I‘ve had more than one job -I made eye contact during the interview -I have ADHD, specifically all my „problems“ are just caused by ADHD -I travel alone -I have childhood trauma and it’s all trauma. That one is especially upsetting to me. Like I wasn‘t a full person before, during and after traumatic things happened to me. Like I‘m only a product of my circumstances. -I learned social skills. Because then even if I was autistic as a child I must have „outgrown“ it somehow -I don‘t plan every minute of my day -and this one is the saddest: because I stand up for the people I care about. Suffice it to say I can‘t take this persons evaluation seriously. But I felt really sad afterwards (a few days after when I‘d processed what had happened to me), and somehow for the lack of a better word, violated. That my openness about my inner world was held against me, my experiences and feelings devalued. I probably get a second opinion at some point but for now I‘m too emotionally rattled. I hope for all of you guys out there to find understanding people/professionals that as Paul said validate your experience and support you no matter what. Because yall derserve it ❤
It’s such a broad spectrum. I suspect people believe I should be able to easily relate to the nonverbal, clearly distressed young (usually male) person, trying to defend themselves from the ‘good intentions’ of caregivers who just want them to ‘act normal’. But I can’t I can barely recognise any similarities between us, even though we share the same diagnosis of Autism. Frankly it doesn’t make a lot of sense. My only suggestion to help the kid having a loud incontrollable melt down, is leave them tf alone & give them the company of someone without an ego driven agenda, like a big friendly non judging Labrador. Other than that I am at a complete loss to help them too.
They might be afraid of dogs. I know I was. I connect it to my autism for my fear. But yeah, they should be left with someone who one) understands how big their emotions are and two) doesn't intend on performing ABA on them.
I thought the number in the title was a bit inflated for click bait. But now that I’ve watched the video, I realize that I have actually heard most of these. So heartbreaking how invalidating these statements are. Thank you for the “what is the message?” section of your videos. Saves us from having to assume that what we got from a video was the intended message.
This video really helps with imposter syndrome! (Which you can get, even when you have a formal diagnosis.. We really need to appreciate how diverse the autistic community is!) 💛
it's weird we (both NTs and Autistics) feel like we need to identify Autism in a neat box, when you think about normal people they are all different yet share a common neurology, so why shouldn't Autistics be able to share neurology yet all be different. I guess there's a focus on understanding it as an diagnosis, and to recognize it in that vein, and so it's easy to think of it as a box that has to contain exact things, to a point it becomes too narrow for something as complex as a human being
You are not autistic because you were able to make this appointment (psychiatrist), and you are not autistic because you could make eye contact (an autism center) I did finally get my diagnosis, but it has put my son off doing the same, so he is happy to be validated but not formally assessed. I was diagnosed at age 63 after 10 years of trying.
"You can't autistic, you don't struggle enough" is the one that resonates with me. My father told me that. We are both autistic (undiagnosed). My NT mom and sister are like: I read some about autism - this totally sounds like you.
But, you don't stim! They say. Correction : I learned discreet stims when in public... I stim, but, as you don't have X-ray eyes, you can't see my toes clench - unclench - clench - unclench in my shoes 😂! Also, I enjoy word play and double entendre in humour... Because language is one of my special interests and metaphors are a part of it. I'm always hearing things literally even if I understand the meaning, and that comes with a little funny cartoon in my head of what it would look like if literal 😂. I don't have aphantasia, quite the opposite.
Exactly! When in public I usually switch my stimming to something less obvious. I stop myself from rocking, I pinch my clothing instead of my neck (not as satisfying, but more discreet) and yes, I clench my toes instead of wiggling my legs ............ etc. So, people might think I don't stim, but if I don't I can't cope with stress, bright lights, sudden noises, loud noises around me etc. While some people claim I can't be autistic because I am 'too normal' (I can mask and appear normal for a while, until I say something 'rude' or 'inappropriate'), others tell me that Aspergers is 'no excuse for your behaviour, you're hiding behind your diagnosis'. You can't win.
It's weird how some people think that you have to have aphantasia and/or behave like a robot if you're autistic. There are plenty of autistic people with their original characters, fantastic stories etc. as their special interest and they can spend hours phantasizing about these things and picturing everything in great detail.
Being autistic, I do not bother listening to arguments of why I, or anyone, isn’t autistic. … and hearing the first argument being, “because not understanding satire” … surely, like it isn’t what I just said!
2:46 this one is hilarious because there is a LITERAL COINCIDE with autism and LGBT. A sense of being disconnected from society and being different is LITERALLY THE REASON THERES SO MANY AUTISTIC LGBT, and specifically trans
@@Cohen-Tiger no offense to you, but many trans people are only trans bc they don't understand these autistic feelings and instantly think that 'im different I feel detached from everyone, it must be bc I'm actually trans' most these ppl will regret becoming trans, once they understand these emotions and it's destroying the mind
Is there a reason for that? I was wondering if among autists there's just fewer people in the closet. Because there's not this intuition to have to be like everyone else.
@@user-nm3ug3zq1y a lot of autistic people struggle with fitting in. Most of the officially diagnosed autistic people I know are all LGBT or trans. I'm literally the only one who's straight. I don't know though. It's just weird
You're not autistic - you're lazy (my mom), you're too articulate (an guy who kept trying to get me to go out with him), there's nothing wrong with you (again, my mom).
My answer to that is: That's right, there is nothing wrong with me and I didn't say there was. That was your assumption that Autism means there's something wrong with me. Which is the problem.
Yeah same, my father chalked up my struggling in school to just laziness when looking back I was probably also struggling because of my autism. Frustrating thing is I was diagnosed at the time, my father just never put two and two together for whatever reason. Perhaps it was easier on him to pick the blame on me instead of actually trying to help me. Could also be that he genuinely thought it was just pure laziness as I was focusing on my special interests a lot. Just know hearing that "You're just lazy!" wasn't good for me and if anything just made my school struggles worse rather then better. And to this day I still have to deal with intrusive thoughts of "I'm just being lazy.", which is not fun to deal with. Hopefully you're not dealing with the same because those intrusive thoughts totally suck.
Great list! When we adopted our son, I knew he was quirky. He has a big personality and great sense of adventure and loved to laugh. Of course, he did like dinosaurs. But I thought, he couldn't have autism because he made great eye contact. His eye contact is better than, ok, mine. But over time, his autism completely revealed itself. And he's wonderful. Still full of adventurous spirit and a good heart and a happy nature.
"you can't be autistic, you care about others, autistic people don't, they even know that other people have emotions" - mental health professional after she thought I was fishing for an autism diagnosis when I was genuinely telling her about my experiences
